Destroying Varia from the inside
by Discoabc
Summary: "VOI! Where the hell is Elizabeth?" Squalo yelled."Oh, she's with Bel," Lussuria replied. Squalo paled just as two men burst into the room. "Sir, the Varia base is on fire!" one shouted. Squalo face palmed. Not again...eventual BelxOC Mostly insanity XD
1. Goodbye England and hello Hell!

**Hey people! It's me Discoabc with my SECOND fanfic EVER all about my OC Elizabeth and Varia :) Oh and for those of you who have not read my fanfic Strawberries and Cream I shall warn you now, I am insane. Yep so get ready for some seriously crazy stuff XD Now everybody do the wave ~(^-^)~**

**Disclaimer: I do not own KHR like every other fangirl in the world. It's the sad truth :( But hey, when I rule the world then I won't NEED to own them :) Always look on the bright side of life XD Like is said, I'm insane.**

Chapter 1: Goodbye England and hello Hell!

A young woman with long brown hair and luminous green eyes stared up at the huge building before her. She was wearing black skinny jeans and a formal white shirt with a black tie hanging around her neck. Her black pumps muffled her footsteps as she edged a little closer to the building.

"Man, why is that goddamn evil woman sending me here?" she suddenly wailed. "I liked it in England, I didn't even mind the horrible weather! Wait, scrap that, I FRICKEN HATED IT!" she sighed, bowing her head in such a way that her fringe covered her cat-like eyes. "But I did like the tea," the girl then added, smiling. "But did that stupid boss listen to me? No, she just said 'Elizabeth Julientançe, go to motherfucking Italy and work there instead of here'. Man, she could have at least left the motherfucking part out," Elizabeth groaned as she walked into the building. "Work in the Varia head quarters since I've had enough of you," she said in a high and squeaky voice before frowning. "Gonna kill that woman one day, even if I am here cause I'm being promoted," Elizabeth sighed. She wasn't actually that pissed off about being sent from the Varia base in England to work at the headquarters in Italy I mean, she got a pay rise so why should she care? The reason why she was pissed off was that the flight over had been T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E. She had to cope with having some woman holding a crying baby in her arms the whole way over. Elizabeth wasn't one to hate babies, in fact she thought they were all geniuses and plotting to take over the world (THEY ARE I TELL YOU), but boy did that baby know how to scream. She shuddered, trying not to think about it as she walked down a corridor, trying to find somebody who could tell her where the HELL she was meant to be going. "Wow, for awesome assassins they sure do make it easy for you to get in," after saying this a knife flew past her face. "Or not," she sighed as she turned to face a young man with a mask covering his face.

"Elizabeth Julientançe?" he wondered.

"THANK GOD I'VE FOUND YOU!" Heleanor raced up to the man and hugged him. "I HAVE BEEN STUCK HERE FOR AGES!"

"But according to my subordinates you only entered our base five minutes ago," the man stuttered, surprised by the girl's random action.

"Details, details," Elizabeth brushed off his comment and let go of him. "Now, can you tell me where I'm meant to go?"

The man nodded and began to lead her down corridors. Elizabeth hummed as she walked, her attention now diverted onto the many paintings on the walls. Most of them depicted people being murdered in gruesome ways. "I like their style," she nodded approvingly.

"Hey, is that Captain Belphegor's new lieutenant?" Elizabeth stopped looking at the painting to look at two woman who wearing the Varia uniform. She sighed. To her the mafia was split up into three categories: Those who joined to be badass and all that stuff, those who joined because they were forced to and those who joined to fangirl over other mafia members. The third category was by far the scariest. Elizabeth had to admit that the boys in the mafia were nearly always completely hot and sexy and she could understand why the fangirls joined but they still freaked the hell out of her!

"Yeah, I feel sorry for her," one of the girls said. Wait, sorry for her? Elizabeth blinked. Weren't they meant to be all 'KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF THEM, WE GOT HERE FIRST'? At least, that was what they were like in England. Elizabeth shuddered. She had BAD memories of the fangirl's in England. BAD memories.

"She'll probably be killed on her first day," the other nodded in agreement.

"Well it's nice to know that everybody doubts my abilities already," Elizabeth sighed before finally stopping outside a room.

"They are in here," the man who had led her there told her.

"Why thank you," Elizabeth grinned at him and placed her hand on the diamond doorknob (Yep, the Varia is flashy XD). "Oh and, if I do die by any chance I want you to murder my last boss," she told him before entering.

"VOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIII!" Elizabeth blinked as she saw somebody with long silver hair with a pink bow in it shouting at a man with a green Mohawk. "LUSSURIA, GET THIS THING OUT OF MY HAIR!" they yelled.

"But you look so cute Squ-chan," the man pouted. Elizabeth stared at the longhaired figure.

"Squ-chan? Oh, you must be a girl!" she said out loud making everybody look at her. 'Squ-chan' spun his whole body around and glared at the twenty-six year old. "A really flat-chested girl," she commented.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIII! I AM NOT A GIRL!" Squalo yelled at her. Elizabeth blinked at looked at the man called Lussuria.

"Is she in denial about her own gender?" she wondered.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Squalo yelled again and pointed his sword at her. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"

"Yes," Elizabeth's reply made the sword-wielding man lower his sword. "A girl."

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" Squalo yelled again. "I AM SUPERBI SQUALO!"

"And are giving me a headache," Elizabeth told him bluntly and rubbed her temples. "You are just as bad as that baby who was screaming in my ear on the flight over…wait, did you say Superbi Squalo?" she asked him.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIII, WHAT ELSE DO YOU THINK I SAID?"

"Actually I thought you said Super Squalo but that isn't the point," she saluted to the man. "My name is Elizabeth Julientançe and I am here about my position as the Strom Guardian's lieutenant!" she introduced herself cheerily.

"Ushi shi shi~! A new peasant for me to mess around with?" a boy with the most GORGEOUS messy hair Elizabeth had ever seen laughed. She admired his appearance at first. Then she noticed what she had just called her.

"I'm a peasant?" she asked. Bel nodded at her, his crown glinting in the light. She stared at him for a few moments. "AWESOME!" Elizabeth threw herself at the boy, her eyes glittering. "THIS IS LIKE FRICKEN MEDIEVAL TIMES!" she yelled happily. "AND THAT'S LIKE MY FAVORITE PART OF HISTORY EVER!" she then stopped hugging Bel and cocked her head to the side thoughtfully. "French Revolution was good too I guess."

Bel stared at her for a few moments before grinning. "Ushi shi shi, so many executions in that time period!" he laughed, agreeing with his new lieutenant.

"I KNOW RIGHT!" Elizabeth grinned happily.

"Aw, she's so CUTE!" Lussuria squealed and ran up to the girl before hugging her. "Mind if I call you Eliza-chan?" the flamboyant man asked her.

"BUT OF COURSE!" the other girl yelled so loudly that she put Squalo's VOI's to shame.

"Oh and you MUST call me Luss-nee!" Lussuria squealed, delighted that Xanxus had finally found a relatively pretty girl he could chat with. All the other girls in the Varia weren't that strong or were servants so he never got a real chance to talk with them about things that girls would usually talk about, annoying the feminine man to no end. But Elizabeth fitted what the man had needed exactly! "Now Bel-chan," Lussuria looked over at the twenty-six year old. "No killing your cute lieutenant even if she does annoy you since she is now officially my daughter and since you are my son you are not allowed to kill your sister," he wagged his finger at the boy. A knife flew past his face and embedded itself into the wall.

"Ushi shi shi~! I don't remember ever becoming your son," Bel glared at the man from beneath his fringe. "And I killed my brother so why wouldn't I kill my sister?"

"Cause I'm cute?" Elizabeth piped up.

"EXACTLY!" Lussuria nodded his head vigorously. He then looked around. "Huh? Where's Fran?" he wondered.

"Ushi shi shi, the un-cute kohai went with that idiot Levi to wake boss up," Bel twirled a knife in his hand.

"VOI! That boss better hurry up and greet this stupid girl so we can end this whole thing already!" Squalo growled.

"OI! I AM NOT STUPID!" Elizabeth yelled angrily.

"Yes you are!" Squalo hissed back.

"NO I AM NOT!" the girl howled. She then turned to Lussuria. "Right Luss-nee?"

"Of course you aren't stupid!" Lussuria cooed before glaring at Squalo. "How dare you call our child stupid!"

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIII! SHE IS NOT OUR CHILD!" the silver haired man yelled.

"She's in denial about a lot of things isn't she?" Elizabeth asked Bel who simply laughed in response.

"This girl has only been here five minutes and she's already driven that shark peasant crazy?" he thought as he grinned at the girl "Maybe I'll keep her alive for a bit longer…"

BANG! Everybody turned to see Levi and Fran flying through the double doors and landing on the floor. Levi lay still for a few moments, twitching, whilst Fran simply stood up and brushed himself off. The illusionist then noticed Elizabeth who was staring at him. "Who are you?" he asked her curiously. Elizabeth continued to gaze at him.

"C-cute…" she eventually murmured. Fran cocked his head to the side.

"So you are Cute sempai?" he asked her, thinking it was her name.

"OMFG, YOU ARE SO CUTE!" Elizabeth raced towards the boy and hugged him. "MY GOD, YOUR HAT THING IS SO SOFT!" she yelled.

"Ushi shi shi~! There you are you un-cute kohai," Bel grinned at the boy.

"Ah, it's the fake prince," Fran said in his usual monotone voice. A knife flew through the air, just missing Elizabeth and embedding itself into Fran's hat. "Ow, that hurt sempai," Fran didn't sound as if he was in pain at all. Elizabeth noticed this and flicked his hat. No reaction from the boy. She then grinned.

"IT'S LIKE A PUNCHBAG!" she announced and begun to punch Fran's head, much to Bel's amusement.

"Ow, that hurts Cute sempai," Fran told her but she didn't stop.

"Ushi shi shi~! The peasant is learning well!" Bel sang, pleased with the girl's violent actions.

"Ah, Eliza-chan!" Lussuria ran over to the girl who was still punching Fran's head.

"Yes Luss-nee?" she asked him.

"Stop punching your poor brother Fran's head! We don't want you to end up like your brother Bel now!" Lussuria told her. Cue knife flying at the man's head.

"Ushi shi shi, what do you mean by that?" Bel asked.

"She means that you'll turn Cute sempai into a murdering freak, fake prince," Fran told him. Cue another knife in Fran's froggy hat.

"Boss…why?" Levi mumbled as he continued to die on the floor.

"VOOOOIIIIII! What happened to that stupid boss?" Squalo yelled.

"Who do you think you are calling stupid trash?" Xanxus walked into the room, his eyes drifting over the scene before him menacingly. "Oi, you. Trash," he looked at Elizabeth.

"Yes boss?" Elizabeth instantly stood up straight and stopped punching Fran's head.

"Will you obey all my orders trash?" Xanxus asked her. Elizabeth knelt down.

"Of course," she answered him confidently. Xanxus smirked approvingly.

"Starting tomorrow you will work as that idiot's lieutenant," he said, referring to Bel. He then left the room. Elizabeth got up to her feet and blinked.

"Well, that was quick," she remarked.

"Ushi shi shi~! Boss isn't a man of many words," Bel told her as he stood up.

"VOOOOIIIII!" Squalo yelled.

"What is it now girly?" Elizabeth asked him.

"Fake prince, show her to her room NOW!" Squalo yelled, eager to have the annoying girl out of his sight.

"Ushi shi shi, but that's a job for a peasant!" Bel argued.

"Bel-chan! Go show Eliza-chan her room now!" Lussuria ordered.

"No way you perverted freak," a knife flew through the air right past Lussuria's face.

"But Levi is out of action so who else will show her where it is?" the man asked as he gestured over to Levi who was still spazzing out on the floor. Bel thought for a moment before throwing a knife at Fran who was being attacked by Elizabeth again. Just before it hit him the frog wearing boy exploded into smoke, leaving a note saying 'Do it yourself fake prince'.

"Damn," Bel muttered and looked down at the girl who was currently freaking out about the fact that Fran had suddenly DISAPPEARED! "Ushi shi shi~! The prince will show you to your room so count yourself lucky peasant!" he told her.

"Sure thing Prince!" Elizabeth smiled and got to her feet. Bel grinned upon hearing her call him Prince before walking out of the room, his lieutenant close behind him.

**Discoabc: So, do you guys like Eliza-chan so far?**

**Elizabeth: I AM SO FRICKEN INSANE!**

**Squalo: VOOOOOIIIIII I AM NOT A GIRL!**

**Discoabc: Still in denial I see.**

**Squalo: VOOOOOIIIIIIIIII!**

**Fran: My head hurts because of Cute sempai**

**Discoabc: *Hugs Fran* I am sowwy for doing this to you but it was needed to show that Eliza-chan is quite violent**

**Elizabeth: VIOLENCE SOLVES EVERYTHING!**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi~! So true**

**Discoabc: BEL! *Glomps him***

**Fran: Cute sempai, I think the author is a lot like you**

**Elizabeth: Why thank you!**

**Fran: …That wasn't a compliment Cute sempai**

**Squalo: VOOOOIIIIIII! Review or else I will hunt you down!**

**Elizabeth: And give you tips on how to take care of your hair**

**Squalo: VOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIII! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU BRAT!**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi~! The peasant is doing well XD**

**Lussuria: Bye loving readers! *Blows kiss***

**Bel: Bye bi!**

**Elizabeth: SOMEBODY SAVE ME! SQU-CHAN IS TRYING TO KILL ME!**

**Squalo: VOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIII! MY NAME IS NOT SQU-CHAN!**


	2. Getting to know insanity

**Hey guys! Imma back! Now today I am going to apologize in advance for this fic being slow to the extreme (Ryohei!) on the romance front (RYOHEI! XD). IMMA SO SOWWY BUT IT'S GONNA TAKE A WHILE FOR ANYTHING TO REALLY HAPPEN (though there will be some cute moments cause I am not that evil XD) Kyaaahhhhhh, Lambo's character song is just TOO cute! Yeah, I'm writing about Varia whilst listening to a five year old singing. Very appropriate Discoabc, very appropriate. *Suddenly freezes* OMG BEL IS SINGING! I'm in love with his awesome voice…but I can't decide between him and Hibari. Hmm, how to decide…I KNOW! SINGING BATTLE (since Hibari will probably own Bel in a fight. NOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE FACE! NOT HIS CUTE FACE!)! Shout outs…**

**ChocolateAddictionx: YAY! YOU ARE MY FIRST REVIEWER *hugs* and I'm glad you find it hilarious :) And now, the answer to your million dollar question is…yes, GIMME THE CHOCOLATE! I love chocolate XD**

**ShinigamiinPeru: So this thing was funny? Hmm, interesting…XD And this was a great beginning? Why thank you XD And do not contain your laughter, it's bad for you. LET IT ALL OUT FOR THE WORLD TO HEAR! MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA**

**leena456: I'm glad you find Elizabeth funny :) Cause if you didn't then I guess this fic would be kinda screwed…XD And so here is the next chappie for you! Oh, and since you don't know how fast I update on my other story be prepared for this thing to be updated everyday. Yep, I'm dedicated…sometimes TOO dedicated…XD**

**Disclaimer: I do not own KHR. If I did then I would put Bel, Hibari, Fran and Hyper dying will Tsuna in one room and wait for hell to occur XD And cameras would be involved too…**

Chapter 2: Getting to know insanity

Elizabeth woke up and sat up in her bed, yawning. The girl shifted slowly out of her bed and looked around her room for her wardrobe. Her clothing had been sent before her, something she was glad of since she had taken WAY too much clothing. Meh, she's a girl. It's in our DNA. She finally found what she was looking for and pulled it open to reveal her new Varia uniform. Elizabeth sighed and quickly put it on before examining the outfit.

"Hmm, pretty good but I wish I got to wear my own clothes like in England," she murmured in approval. She was wearing the usual Varia Jacket but instead of ending at her thighs like everybody else it ended it her waist. Under her unzipped jacket was a red t-shirt with a black target on it, the words 'Take your best shot' underneath. Very appropriate for an assassin. The girl also wore a short black skirt and black thigh-high socks, which upon seeing Elizabeth instantly shouted S.S.S that stood for Slut Socks and Skirt. But hey, Elizabeth had to admit they looked good on her (not that she was a slut). On her feet she wore bright red conversers with black targets on the side. She grinned as she put on her A-rank storm ring and waltzed out of her room happily, ignoring the huge amount of knives which were currently embedded in her wall. How the hell was she meant to know that Bel didn't like people touching his crown? HOW?

"I'm hungry~!" she sang as she walked into the dining room.

"I'll be there in a second Eliza-chan! Oh and we are having pancakes," Lussuria called from the kitchen as he cooked pancakes.

"YAY! PANCAKES!" Elizabeth instantly sat down next to Bel who grinned at her.

"You sure you are twenty-six peasant?" he asked her as he took a sip of his coffee.

"You sure you are a Prince?" Elizabeth asked as she poured herself some tea. Ahhh, the one liquid that made the girl instantly happy.

"Ushi shi shi, of course I'm a PRINCE," Bel laughed.

"Ushi shi shi, of course I'm twenty-six," Elizabeth replied, smiling contently. She had her tea and that was all she needed. Suddenly Levi came flying through the door and flew along the table, knocking over everything on the table.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIII! YOU IDIOT!" Squalo yelled.

"Boss…why?" Levi murmured as he stood up, looking as if he were about to cry.

"Ushi shi shi, he is going to die~!" Bel sang as he got to his feet, annoyed about how his coffee had been destroyed. He was about to get his knives out when he saw Elizabeth walking up to Levi, a disturbing smile on her face.

"Leviathan~!" she sang as she walked towards him.

"Wha-" Levi began but was cut off when Elizabeth suddenly kicked him hard in the stomach and he was sent flying into a wall.

"That's what you get for killing my tea you bastard," Elizabeth shot him a glare before flouncing back to the table and sitting down. "Luss-nee, where's breakfast?" she then called, a smile plastered on her face.

"Coming!" Lussuria walked into the room, a pink frilly apron tied around his waist. The man set down the pancakes and Elizabeth began to eat them greedily. "Ara? What happened to Levi?" Lussuria then asked upon seeing the man covered in blood.

"He killed my tea so he had to die," Elizabeth told him between mouthfuls.

"Oh Levi! You bad boy!" Lussuria tutted. Bel then threw a knife at the blood-covered man. When Lussuria scowled at him he shrugged.

"He killed the Prince's coffee," the boy announced as he sat back down and began to eat pancakes as well. Xanxus then walked into the room glaring at everybody.

"Trash, where is my food?" he growled as he sat down, not seeming to care about the mess of crockery and glass on the table which had been caused by Levi flying across it.

"Coming boss!" Lussuria brought him a plate of steak and a glass of wine. Xanxus began to eat it greedily, not caring what everybody else thought of him. Lussuria tutted as he passed Bel, Fran and Elizabeth. "Children, I want you to promise me you won't drink alcohol in the morning," he told them. Fran and Elizabeth nodded whilst Bel simply threw a knife at the green haired man.

"Ushi shi shi, you are NOT my mother," he told them darkly.

"Oi, trash," everybody looked at Xanxus. "Who did this to him?" he asked, pointing to Levi. Levi instantly perked up.

"Boss cares about me?" he wondered.

"Err, half of it was you boss and the other half may have been me," Elizabeth told him. Before Xanxus could say anything she jumped to her feet. "BUT HE DESERVED IT! HE KILLED MY TEA!" she yelled defensively.

"And my coffee," Bel added. Fran looked at him.

"Why do you care about your coffee so much sempai?" he asked which caused another knife to be thrown at his head. 'Click'. Everybody watched as Xanxus raised his guns.

"VOOOOIIIII! What are you doing?" Squalo yelled. "She may be annoying but it will take us FOREVER to find another person to agree to be that fake prince's lieutenant."

"OI! WHAT DO YOU MEAN ANNOYING?" Elizabeth yelled.

"Ushi shi shi, who are you calling fake prince?" Bel took out a few knives and began to aim them at Squalo.

"Trash," Xanxus said and fired the guns at…Levi.

"BOSS! WHY?" Levi yelled as he caught on fire and jumped out of the window into a water fountain.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SERVES YOU RIGHT TEA MURDERER!" Elizabeth laughed.

"And coffee murderer," Bel reminded her as he put his knives away. Elizabeth then turned to face Xanxus.

"You owned him. LIKE A BOSS!" she gave him the thumbs up before she began to eat her pancakes again. Xanxus put his guns away and began to eat his steak again. After a few minutes he paused.

"Belphegor," his low voice rumbled.

"Yes boss?"

"Train that trash. She may be useful in the future," he said, referring to Elizabeth. Bel grinned.

"Yes boss," he replied and grabbed the girl by the back of the neck before dragging her off the chair.

"NOOOO! MY PANCAKES!" she wailed as Bel threw her over his shoulder. Luckily for her she was wearing shorts underneath the skirt so no embarrassing moments would occur but even if she wasn't wearing them she wouldn't of cared, her pancakes meaning more to her than her own pride. "LUSS-NEE! SAVE ME!" she shrieked as the laughing prince carried her out of the room.

"Have fun children~!" Lussuria waved goodbye to them. He then turned to Fran. "Aw, big sister Eliza-chan and big brother Bel-chan have left you behind have they?" he cooed. Fran nodded. "You poor thing! How about you spend the day with Luss-nee?"

"Long haired shark captain?" Fran called out to Squalo.

"VOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! MY NAME IS NOT LONG HAIRED SHARK CAPTAIN!" Squalo yelled.

"Are there any new missions? It's just I don't want to be with Lussuria. Alone," the boy said in his monotone voice.

"WAAAH! HOW COULD YOU REJECT ME LIKE THAT FRAN?" Lussuria sobbed and ran away.

"VOI! There is one we need an illusionist for so go do it and get out of my sight!" Squalo roared as he threw a piece of paper at the boy and left the room leaving Fran and Xanxus alone.

"Ah, I'm melting," Fran suddenly melted into a puddle of water and then the liquid turned into frogs that bounded out of the room. Xanxus simply kept on eating, not caring about what had just happened.

_To Bel and Elizabeth_

"My pancakes lie over the ocean, my pancakes lie over the sea! My pancakes lie over the ocean. Oh, bring back my pancakes to me~!" Elizabeth sang as Bel continued to carry her away. "Bring back, bring back, bring back my pancakes to me, TO ME! Bring back, bring back, bring back my pancakes to meeee~!"

"Ushi shi shi, do you want to die?" Bel asked her.

"If I die then I'll meet my tea in heaven," Elizabeth replied instantly. "And I'll seduce your coffee so it will never go back to you."

"Ushi shi shi, have a nice time in hell then!" Bel kicked open a door which led into a room with five lions inside.

"I'll send you a postcard!" Elizabeth laughed before realizing something. "Hey, I'm not going to hell!" she shrieked as he threw her inside.

"Bye bi~!" Bel waved goodbye as he shut the door.

"KYYYYYYAAAAAAAH!" Elizabeth's screams were heard all around Varia HQ. Bel grinned.

"I wonder how much blood she is gonna spill?" he laughed to himself.

"VOOOOOIIIIIIIIII!" Squalo's yell brought Bel out of his daydream about blood.

"What?" he snapped.

"IF YOU HAVE KILLED HER THEN YOU ARE DEAD!" the longhaired captain screeched at the boy. Bel shrugged.

"If she couldn't survive that then she can't be in the Varia," he said but opened the door anyway, expecting to see blood splattered across the walls.

"…And so the mummy lion told her children never to go out at night and the children agreed since that had been too much excitement to last their whole lives. The end," Elizabeth snapped shut the huge book she had been reading from and smiled at the bloodthirsty lions which had fallen asleep. "Ah, captain Bel!" the girl got to her feet and jumped towards the astounded boy happily.

"Ushi shi shi, you made them fall asleep?" he asked the girl.

"Yep!" the girl replied, grinning.

"But those lions have been trained to kill on sight! How did she…?" Squalo wondered. "I can't even see any weapons on her!"

"Ushi shi shi~! It seems that was too easy for you peasant!" Bel sniggered. "Let's make it harder," he threw her over his shoulder again and raced off with Elizabeth now screaming something about the lions and how 'poor' and 'defenseless' they were.

_Later_

"No."

"Ushi shi shi~! This is an order from your captain."

"BUT-!"

"Do it NOW!" Bel pushed the girl into Xanxus's room and shut the door behind her, smirking. Elizabeth walked up to her boss who was asleep on his bed.

"I'm really sorry boss," she apologized as she revealed the marker pen in her hand and leant downwards…

_A little while later_

"Ushi shi shi~! I've had a good idea peasant!" Bel grinned at his lieutenant who simply scowled, glancing over her shoulder every few seconds. She was expecting Xanxus to race up behind her with his guns poised any second now and, quite frankly, was terrified of it actually happening. Elizabeth was the type of girl to agree to do anything crazy but also the type of person who regretted it immediately after doing it. Apart from when she kicked Levi. That bastard killed her tea (and Bel's coffee) and deserved to die!

"What?" the girl eventually answered the prince.

"Let's burn HQ down~!" he sang as he walked into Squalo's room and lit up his ring with flames. He then walked over to a curtain and set it alight. Elizabeth watched as the whole room was set on fire, not wanting to stop the boy. In fact, she considered it payback for Squalo calling her stupid and annoying. "Ushi shi shi, let's go!" Bel began to run down the corridor.

"But the fire won't spread that quickly!" Elizabeth said as she raced after him. BOOM!

"The room next to his is filled with explosives!" Bel grinned as he glanced behind him, the corridor behind him now burning nicely.

"Oh I see," Elizabeth now began to run as quickly as she could as fire licked at her heels. The two jumped down a flight of stairs and through various corridors before eventually jumping out a window and landing in a water fountain. As soon as they jumped the whole building exploded into flames. "Well, that was lucky," Elizabeth commented as she waded her way out of the water.

"Ushi shi shi~!" Bel's laughter notified her that he agreed with her last statement. Then the girl realized something.

"SHIT! ALL MY STUFF IS IN THERE!" she was about to race into the burning building when all the fire was suddenly put out. The girl looked up to see Squalo and all his squad members flying using flame shoes and using their rain flames to put the fire out. "Hey, does using rain flames actually put out fires?" Elizabeth wondered. Bel shrugged.

"Like I care," Bel jumped skillfully out of the water fountain, slightly annoyed at how quickly the Varia members had reacted. He had wanted to cause chaos for a bit longer.

"Trash," the two spun around to see Xanxus standing behind them, guns pointing at their head. On their boss's face was writing which said 'I LOVE LEVI! He is like the coolest guy ever and I would totally rape him' along with a few love hearts.

"Err, hey boss! Had a nice sleep?" Elizabeth asked him whilst edging away.

"Who did this?" he growled. The two twenty-six year olds looked at each other and nodded.

"Levi," they both said in unison.

"What?" Levi asked as he popped out from nowhere.

"TRASH!" Xanxus yelled as he fired his guns at the man, making him jump into a water fountain again. Bel and Elizabeth both smirked as Xanxus dragged Levi out of the water and continued to fire at him. Squalo, who was watching the whole thing, paled. Elizabeth + Bel = HELL! He groaned as he thought of what the two would do next.

"Maybe it would have been better if I killed her when I first saw her," he thought as Fran suddenly appeared.

"Hmm, what happened? And why is boss killing Levi?" the illusionist wondered. He then walked over to Elizabeth and Bel who were sniggering about Levi being shot by their livid boss. "Cute sempai, fake prince, why is Levi being murdered by boss?" he asked them.

"Because he killed my tea," Elizabeth told him seriously.

"And my coffee," Bel added.

**Squalo: I fear for Varia. No, I fear for the WORLD!**

**Elizabeth: Captain Bel, is girly shark's room completely destroyed now?**

**Squalo: WHAT?**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi~! Of course it is peasant**

**Squalo: You. Guys. Are. DEAD!**

**Elizabeth: Luss-nee! Squalo is trying to kill Bel and me!**

**Lussuria: *Gasp* You dare kill our children?**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi, I am NOT your child!**

**Fran: Cute sempai, is fake prince in denial as well?**

**Bel: *Throws knife at Fran* Die you un-cute kohai!**

**Discoabc: You guys are so violent…BUT I LOVE YOU!**

**Xanxus: Die trash *points gun at Levi***

**Levi: Why boss, WHY?**

**Elizabeth: XD**

**Bel: XD**

**Squalo: We are all doomed…**

**Bel: Review and I'll come hunt you down~!**

**Discoabc: COME FOR ME BEL, COME FOR ME!**

**Elizabeth: …I'm based off her right? RIGHT?**

**Discoabc: Bye bi!**

**Bel: …She stole my catchphrase. *Gets out knives* She will DIE**

**Discoabc: HELP ME *Runs***

**Bel: Ushi shi shi~! *Runs after her***

**Elizabeth: Hahaha, wait! If she dies then don't I die? *Runs after the two of them* WAIT BEL! DON'T KILL HER!**

**Lussuria: Squ-chan, our children are growing up *sniff***

**Squalo: VOOOOOIIIIIIIIII! THEY ARE NOT OUR CHILDREN!**

**Fran: Whatever you say daddy Squalo**

**Squalo: VOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIII! YOU ARE DEAD!**

**Fran: *Runs after Bel, Discoabc and Elizabeth***

**Squalo: *Runs after Fran***

**Lussuria: *Realizes he is alone with Xanxus and a dead Levi and runs after them* WAIT FOR ME!**

**Xanxus: Trash.**


	3. Cowee di Tempesta

**Hey guys, it's me again! I come bearing another chapter of 'Destroying Varia from the inside!' Ugh, this is so hard updating two fics at once! I was warned by my bro that this would happen but did I listen? Noooooooo. Then again I have fun whilst writing these things so it's all good :) Listening to Bel sing again…I love him too much…GODDAMIT WHY DOES HE HAVE SUCH A GOOD VOICE? I mean he's an assassin! It's not like he's gonna need it *plots to somehow steal his voice even though I am a girl and therefore it would sound weird if I had it instead of him* then again I've been told I can sing so meh *stops plotting and instead wishes that they were an assassin* Oh and I noticed the FUNNIEST thing ever! When I wrote Xanxus's name for the first time on my computer one of the words it suggested I was trying to say was 'anxious'. I just went Xanxus=Anxious? WTF? Now every time I think of Xanxus I think of the word anxious…DAMN YOU STUPID COMPUTER! Shout outs!**

**ChocolateAddictionx: By the time I post this school will have finished ages ago…but still YAYAYAYAYAYAY! And you liked the S.S.S thing? I actually didn't think of that until I wrote the fic and then I went hey, there's three S's! I CAN DO SOMETHING AWESOME! Poor Levi indeed…but don't worry, he's been brought back to life! I blame Byakuran of course…XD Ciao ciao!**

**ShinigamiinPeru: Yeah, I can imagine Elizabeth telling them a bedtime story right now…it has murder in it…and girl's who say they aren't girls…AKA Squalo…lol! And KABLOOM to you to XD**

**Disclaimer: Owning KHR would admittedly be great but I do not own it. Which isn't that great.**

Chapter 3: Cowee di Tempesta

"Cute sempai, it's time to wake up," Fran poked the girl who was asleep on her desk.

"Five more minutes," Elizabeth swatted his hand away and continued to sleep.

"Cute sempaiiiiiiiiiiii!" Fran poked her again. "The fake prince is gonna get mad!"

"Ushi shi shi, who are you calling a fake prince?" knives flew through the air and hit the boy in the back.

"That hurt sempai," the boy droned and pulled the knife out from behind his back, a small scowl on his face.

"Ushi shi shi~!" Bel strolled up to his lieutenant and pulled out a knife before placing it against her neck. "The prince orders you to wake up."

Elizabeth was still for a few moments before her right hand suddenly whipped out and gripped the blonde-haired boy's wrist so hard that the boy winced in pain and dropped the knife which as being held to her neck. The girl's hand went limp again and she continued to sleep. "Wao, a girl disarmed you whilst she was half asleep sempai. I think you are in need of some training," Fran told the boy. Cue more knives flying through the air.

"VOOOOOOIIIIII!" Squalo entered the room, his sword waving about in the air.

"Ah, a shark appeared," Fran commented.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIII! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE CALLING A SHARK?" Squalo yelled as he walked towards Elizabeth. "And why is she asleep?"

"Why should I know?" Bel asked as he began to juggle his knives.

"VOOOOOIIII! She's your lieutenant!" the sliver haired man shouted and glared at the prince. "Wake her up NOW!"

"No, that's a peasant's job," Bel stated as he threw his knives right at Elizabeth's head. The girl lifted her right hand up and grabbed one of them before using it to deflect the others. Then her hand fell down to the table and she continued to sleep.

"Cute sempai won't wake up no matter what we do," Fran informed Squalo and created a horrific monster using his illusions. The monster roared loudly. Elizabeth didn't even seem to notice its presence. Squalo stared at the girl for a few moments before lowering his head close to her ears.

"!" he yelled as loudly as he could. In response Elizabeth snapped her left arm upwards and punched Squalo in the face. The man leapt backwards, clutching his face in agony.

"Wao, she managed to land a hit on you when she was half asleep captain. I think you are in need of some training," Fran told the man. Squalo glared at him before walking up to Elizabeth who was sleeping again and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck.

"VOOOOOOIIIII! WAKE UP YOU BITCH!" he shouted. Elizabeth opened her eyes instantly.

"That's no way to speak to a lady," she reprimanded him.

"WHY DID YOU PUNCH ME?" he yelled at her.

"Cause you disturbed my sleep," Elizabeth told him flatly. "And as I am apparently a growing child I need as much sleep as I can get. Ask Luss-nee," she stuck out her tongue triumphantly. This was calculated to make Squalo ADORE her of course.

"VOOOOOOIIIIII! WHY WOULD I ASK THAT BASTARD ABOUT HOW MUCH SLEEP YOU NEED? YOU ARE TWENTY-SIX YEARS OLD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" he howled.

"Twenty-six and one sixth," she reminded him. Squalo gave up and dragged her out of the room with Bel and Fran following after them. The longhaired captain then dumped the girl in front of Lussuria.

"Ara, Eliza-chan! Weren't you in the middle of your afternoon nap?" the man asked her.

"I was. Then SHE came along and woke me up," Elizabeth pointed accusingly at Squalo.

"VOOOOOOOIIIIIIIII! I AM NOT A GIRL!" he yelled.

"You wake me up, insult Luss-nee and then tell me you aren't a girl? I think you have gone insane Squ-chan," she hissed as she stood up and pouted angrily.

"MY NAME IS NOT SQU-CHAN! IT'S SQUALO!" he hollered.

"Squ-chan! You insulted me?" Lussuria looked horrified.

"It seems the couple are breaking up," Bel laughed gleefully.

"Well, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU SQU-CHAN!" Lussuria linked arms with Elizabeth and glared at Squalo. "Me and Eliza-chan are going out and don't you DARE follow us!" he stormed out of the room dragging Elizabeth with him.

"Oooooh, where are we going?" Elizabeth asked excitedly.

"Shopping. We need more milk," Lussuria told her.

"I WANNA DRIVE!" Elizabeth squealed.

"Maybe on the way back…"

_Later_

Bel threw a knife at the wall. He was bored out of his mind and was already considering murder. Of Fran of course.

"Sempai, watch where you are aiming those things," Fran told him as Bel threw a knife at his chest.

"Ushi shi shi~! My aim is perfect you stupid frog!" he sang as he walked out of the room in search of food. Eventually he found the kitchen and walked inside before opening the fridge. "Ushi shi shi~!" he laughed to himself as he took out a bar of chocolate and ate it greedily. Suddenly the door to the kitchen was burst open in in walked Lussuria and Elizabeth, their hair slightly messy.

"This is why I don't want my children to drive!" Lussuria said as he walked up to the table in the middle of the room and plunked his bags down.

"It wasn't that bad Luss-nee!" Elizabeth said as she sat on the kitchen counter. "Oh please let me drive again!"

"No means no Eliza-chan," Lussuria then noticed Bel and crossed her arms. "Your sister had disgraced our family," the man explained.

"Ushi shi shi, how?" Bel asked, interested.

"I ONLY BROKE THE SPEED LIMIT SEVENTEEN TIMES!" Elizabeth wailed. "And the thirteenth time was all that stupid truckers fault!"

"Although I do agree with the fact that that trucker was a danger to humanity it does not make up for the fact that we had TWENTY-NINE police cars chasing us!" Lussuria huffed. "And all of the people chasing us were women! There wasn't even one hot man to handcuff me!"

"Luss-nee!" Elizabeth looked at him, horrified. "How dare you be unfaithful to Squ-chan!"

Lussuria looked as if he was going to burst into tears. "But Squ-chan-"

"I'm sure he will apologize Luss-nee!" Elizabeth's eyes shone. "Just go ask him now, I bet he's ready to say it now!"

Lussuria nodded. "Thanks Eliza-chan!" he hugged the girl before racing off in search of Squalo.

"You know he will never apologize?" Bel grinned at the girl.

"I know but I bet you that Lussuria will make up with him anyway," Elizabeth grinned back.

"How much?" Bel got out his purse.

"I'm sorry but I'm not allowed to gamble," Elizabeth said in a childish voice before staring at the chocolate Bel was holding. "Chocolate. Gimme. NOW!" she yelled.

"Ushi shi shi~! No way, get your own," Bel laughed as Elizabeth glared at him.

"But captain!" she whined.

"No," he held the chocolate above his head when Elizabeth jumped down from the counter and made a jump at it.

"Give me the chocolate!" she wailed as she continued to make a jump at the sweet food.

"No," Bel sniggered as she tried to grab the chocolate.

"DAMMIT! DAMN YOU AND YOUR HEIGHT!" Elizabeth groaned. She wasn't actually that short. It was just that Bel was TOO tall!

"Ushi shi shi, the prince wins~!" Bel sang. Elizabeth suddenly jumped and kicked her right foot off the kitchen counter giving her the extra height she needed and she grabbed the chocolate out of the boy's hands.

"HELL YEAH!" Elizabeth yelled as she fell back down to earth and landed on Bel, making the two of them crash down to the floor.

"Ushi shi shi, get off me peasant," Bel hissed.

"…Promise you won't steal the chocolate from me later?" Elizabeth hugged the food to her chest. Bel rolled his eyes.

"The prince promises," he sighed.

"…I don't trust you captain."

"Ushi shi shi, I will kill you," this made Elizabeth stand up instantly but she continued to eye the boy cautiously. Suddenly Fran walked in.

"Bel sempai, Cute sempai, why is Lussuria-sempai trying to molest captain Squalo?" he asked.

"…Is this my fault?" Elizabeth asked Bel.

"Ushi shi shi~!" Bel laughed in response and watched as Elizabeth took a bite of the chocolate before spitting it out.

"WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS?" she asked as she searched for a drink to wash the taste out of her mouth.

"Blood," Elizabeth froze and stared at Bel.

"Was that sarcasm cause I actually could not tell," Elizabeth said as Lussuria and Squalo walked into the kitchen.

"Eliza-chan!" the green-haired man ran up to the girl and hugged her. "You give the best advice ever! Now Squ-chan and me are back together again!"

"VOOOOOIIIII! What the hell are you talking about?" Squalo yelled.

"Oooooh, I am so happy for you!" Elizabeth squealed.

"I know! I'll make some hot cocoa to celebrate!" Lussuria clapped his hands and began to look through the fridge before freezing. "ELIZA-CHAN!" the man shrieked.

"What is it?" Elizabeth asked.

"WE FORGOT TO BUY MILK!" Lussuria screeched.

"I knew we had forgotten something!" the girl seemed to think for a few moments before bringing out a red box with hearts drawn on it. "COME ON OUT COWEE DI TEMPESTA!" the girl yelled as she pushed her ring into the box and it opened, a flash of red light exploding from it.

"Is that…?" Squalo leaned forwards. Bel did the same.

"Yep, I think that it is," Fran nodded in agreement. The flames cleared. "A cow."

Squalo walked up to the girl and began to shake her. "VOOOOOOIIIIIII! AND YOU CALL YOURSELF AN ASSASSIN?"

"Didn't you know that cows are pretty lethal too? They are one of the causes of global warming after all," Elizabeth told him, unfazed by the yelling man. She then snapped her fingers. "Luss-nee!" she called.

"Yes?" Lussuria appeared beside her wearing pink rubber gloves and Wellington boots with a stool in one hand and a bucket in another.

"Milk this cow for the sake of all things hot and chocolaty!" she ordered. Lussuria nodded and began to advance towards the cow cautiously. After a while they reached them and set the stool down.

"I'm going in!" he whispered into a walkie-talkie.

"We are right behind you sempai," Fran droned into another. Lussuria reached his hands under the cow and…

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" they screamed and instantly pulled their hands away before rolling on the floor. "IT BURNS! IT BURNS!" they cried hysterically.

"Hmm, maybe it wasn't the best idea to put the storm flames on the udders," Elizabeth thought out loud.

"Ushi shi shi~! Nice one peasant," Bel sniggered as Lussuria continued to whimper.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIII! You wimp!" Squalo yelled.

"Shouldn't we help Luss-nee?" Elizabeth wondered.

"Since longhaired captain is their lover he should do it," Fran said.

"Don't you mean 'she' Fran?" the girl reminded him, her eyes glinting evilly.

"Oh yeah…thanks for reminding me Cute sempai."

"! I AM NOT HIS LOVER AND I AM NOT A GIRL!" Squalo hollered.

"Squ-chan, denying things isn't the way to go on. You just have to embrace those things. Embrace your lover, embrace your," Elizabeth paused and grinned. "Feminine side."

"You. Are. DEAD!" Squalo began to chase the girl but she hid behind Bel.

"CAPTAIN! HELP!" she cried.

"Ushi shi shi, what was it you said? That you just have to embrace things?" Bel tugged the girl out from behind him and put her in front of him instead. "Now go embrace your death~!"

"BEL YOU BAST-" Elizabeth never finished her sentence for Levi burst into the room and walked up to the group dramatically.

"Boss wants tea. Now," he announced. Elizabeth blinked.

"Who knew he was a tea-lover like me," she grinned. "But of course we shall make him tea!" she walked up to the fridge and opened it before freezing.

"What is it Cute sempai?" Fran asked her.

"…We haven't got any milk."

Everybody looked towards her. "Oh shit."

**Discoabc: XD XD XD XD**

**Elizabeth: Honestly, I didn't expect him to like tea.**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi~! Boss is a very strange man…**

**Xanxus: *Brings out guns***

**Bel: I meant talented. Talented.**

**Fran: He didn't**

**Bel: Shut it you stupid frog! *Throws knives***

**Fran: …Ow**

**Lussuria: IT BURNS!**

**Squalo: VOOOOOOIIIIIIII! Is that really her weapon? Cowee di Tempesta?**

**Elizabeth: *Gasp* You insulted Mary!**

**Everybody: Who?**

**Mary: Moo**

**Fran: Oh, Cowee di Tempesta.**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi, how the hell did she become an assassin?**

**Discoabc: I know…and she knows…**

**Bel: No shit Sherlock**

**Discoabc: …And Xanxus knows…**

**Bel: WTF?**

**Elizabeth: Well, Xanxus is my boss so OF COURSE he knows!**

**Squalo: …Will you ever tell us?**

**Elizabeth: I'll tell my captain cause he's my captain but not you cause you called me a bitch.**

**Lussuria: ELIZA-CHAN!**

**Elizabeth: Oops, sowwy Luss-nee**

**Lussuria: None of my children are allowed to use such foul language in this house!**

**Fran: So fake prince, Cute sempai and I are your children. Even though we look nothing the same. And are not actually related.**

**Elizabeth: Hang on…if Bel is a prince and I am his sister does that mean I am a princess?**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi~!**

**Elizabeth: …I'll take that as a yes. YAY I AM A PRINCESS!**

**Fran: But Bel sempai is a FAKE prince**

**Bel: I will kill you Froggy!**

**Discoabc: Well bye my dear readers!**

**Bel: Bye bi!**


	4. Baby-sitting is not in an assassins desc

**Yo guys! It is I, Discoabc currently listening to Xanxus singing and considering whether glomping him and dying happy would be better than not glomping him and living in a world of sadness…I'll glomp him XD Now to shout outs…**

**ShinigamiinPeru: Dunno, I'm not a vampire…BUT I KNOW SOMEBODY WHO IS! *Runs up to Hibari* Hey…do you know what blood tastes like? *Suddenly runs away when Hibari glares at me* I think he doesn't know either and is covering up by using violence…XD**

**ChocolateAddictionx: Read the first bit of your review and just went HELL YEAH! Yeah and Elizabeth only broke it 17 times…the world will be SCREWED when I get a driving license. MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh and thank my bro for the hilariousness of the chappie, we were talking about it for ages…Cowee di Tempesta… *Chokes from laughing too much* Ciao…ciao…*Starts to die* BYAKURAN, SVE ME FROM MY UNTIMELY DEATH!**

**Disclaimer: KHR doesn't belong to me….unfortunately…hey that rhymed!**

Chapter 4: Baby-sitting is not in an assassins description

"FOOD!" Elizabeth yelled as she raced into the dining room followed by her captain Bel. Fran, Squalo, Levi and Xanxus were already sitting down and waiting for their lunch to arrive.

"Here you are my sweet daughter~!" Lussuria sang as he entered the room and plunked down a plate of fish and chips. "Now don't start until everybody else is served," the man told her as he gave everybody else their food. Xanxus was the only one having steak whilst everybody else had the same meal as Elizabeth. "Right, you can begin now!"

The group began to ravenously eat their food, exhausted from doing their various jobs. Suddenly Elizabeth managed to get ketchup on her Varia jacket and upon seeing it she grinned devilishly. From underneath her skirt she took out one of her guns, keeping it under the table. Fran, who was sitting to the right of her, noticed this and raised his eyebrows. Elizabeth put a finger to her lips and smirked as she removed the safety catch (yep, even assassins are careful like that) and shot a bullet into the floor.

"ARGH! I'VE BEEN SHOT!" the girl screamed and fell to the floor.

"No, Cute sempai!" Fran said in his monotone voice. Elizabeth shot the floor a few more times. "Argh, I've been shot," Fran said as he used an illusion to make it seem as if his whole body was riddled with bullet holes.

"NO! NOT MY CHILDREN!" Lussuria shrieked and began to wobble about. "Catch me Squ-chan," the man said as he fainted. Squalo made no attempt to catch him and instead leapt to his feet, trying to figure out where the enemy was. Levi took a defensive stance in front of his boss whilst Xanxus and Bel simply kept eating, their growling stomachs more important than their subordinates lives. Elizabeth frowned and decided that the whole thing needed to be more believable so she raised her gun and shot Levi so quickly that you would have missed it unless you were completely focused on her.

"ARGH!" Levi fell down to the floor, his left leg bleeding badly. "Boss, you must get out of here," he warned Xanxus as he tried to haul himself up. "I'll hold them off."

"Trash," Xanxus got out his own guns and shot Levi who was burned to a crisp.

"VOOOOOIIIIII! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SNEAKY BASTARD?" Squalo yelled, still thinking that somebody wanted to assassinate them. Elizabeth shot the wall behind him. Squalo instantly leapt into action, now knowing the general direction of where the bullets were coming from. "COME OUT AND FACE ME!"

"Why would they do that idiot," Bel said as he continued to eat. For a second Elizabeth considered shooting the man for not paying attention to her amazing prank but decided against it. After all, Bel would figure out it was her instantly and that would ruin the prank! Instead she settled on shooting his food. That would serve him right. She shot quickly and the fish from Bel's plate went flying into the air and landed on Squalo's face. "Oh, it seems you really are a shark strategy captain," Bel commented, slightly miffed about the fact that HIS food had been shot and therefore he could not eat it. Suddenly he heard a small giggle and he turned to face Elizabeth who was still again. He then noticed a black object (her guns are black by the way) sticking out of the girl's skirt and he reached down to move the skirt so he could see what it was when Elizabeth's hand whipped out and smacked him away. She snapped open her green eyes and stared at him.

"PERVERT!" she suddenly yelled and jumped to her feet. A few knives whizzed past her head.

"Ushi shi shi, who are you calling a pervert?" Bel asked, taking out more knives.

"VOOOOOIIIIIIIII! HOW COME YOU ARE ALIVE BITCH?" Squalo yelled at the two of them.

"Err, my captain's pervyness revived me?" Elizabeth replied uncertainly. Cue more knives flying at her head.

"Yeah, sempai does that to people," Fran said as he stretched his arms and yawned.

"Die froggy," Bel hissed as he threw the knives. Elizabeth quickly raised her guns and shot them so that they changed their path and hit Levi instead. She then walked up to Fran and hugged him.

"Please don't kill him captain! He helped me too humiliate nearly everybody in the room!" she pleaded.

"Do you want to die too?" Bel asked. "Cause I can make arrangements for such a thing to take place."

Elizabeth pouted slightly and then turned her head towards Lussuria. "LUSS-NEE! BEL SAYS HE'S GONNA KILL BOTH ME AND FRAN!" she yelled.

"Bel! Stop being so mean to your siblings!" Lussuria sat up from off the floor and scolded the boy.

"Ushi shi shi, they annoyed the prince and most therefore DIE!" the blonde haired boy said as he aimed his knives at his two 'siblings'.

"VOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIII!" Squalo's yell made Bel throw them completely off course and they hit Levi instead. "SO IT WAS YOU TWO!" the sword wielding man yelled as he advanced towards the two of them. Elizabeth began to panic and grabbed one of the knives out of Fran's Varia jacket.

"STAY BACK! I'M ARMED!" she shrieked.

"Cute sempai, you have guns remember?" Fran reminded he girl.

"Oh yeah…" Elizabeth then threw the knife behind her and it stabbed the piece of meat Xanxus was about to eat and pinned it to the wall. Everybody froze.

"Belphegor. Elizabeth," the boss spat out their names and glared at them.

"Yes boss?" they both said in unison.

"You are doing the Davilone mission," he told them. Bel's mouth dropped open.

"You mean the mission that nobody would take for fear it would tarnish his or her reputation?" he asked.

"Oooooh sounds dangerous!" Elizabeth said excitedly.

"Pretty much you have to babysit a kid Cute sempai," Fran told her. Now it was Elizabeth's turn to look shocked.

"BUT WHY BOSS? WHY?" the girl raced up to Xanxus and got down on her knees. "PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO!"

"I can understand why she has to go but not me," Bel grumbled. Xanxus looked down at the girl who was on her knees begging.

"You destroyed a perfectly good steak and you," he raised his gun and pointed it at Bel. "Are her captain and therefore must take all responsibility for her."

Elizabeth stood up, looking impressed. "That's the longest time I've ever heard you speak for," she murmured.

"Che, so annoying," Bel mumbled, beginning to think of all the different ways of which he could kill his lieutenant.

_Later_

"So the plan is that we grab the kid, take him back to HQ and then make sure that we don't accidently kill him on the way. Did I get that right?" Elizabeth asked Bel as they stood outside the Davilone mansion.

"Ushi shi shi~! The peasant is learning well," Bel replied. "But you missed out the stabbing part."

"And shooting," she added as they both walked through the front door and Bel killed one of the guys who tried to stop them. "So, which room is he in?" the girl asked her captain.

"You're my lieutenant, you should have read the file properly!" Bel said as he stabbed another two men.

"I DID read the file properly," Elizabeth pouted. "We are here to kidnap AKA babysit a kid and hold him ransom so that we can find out all their evil plans and stuff."

"Amazing, you actually remembered," the prince used a wire coming off one of his knives to cut somebody's head off. Elizabeth glared at him before walking over the decapitated body and into another corridor. Suddenly a man jumped out of the shadows and made a grab at the girl. Elizabeth simply held out her gun and shot him without even looking. She then knelt down and picked up the man by the scruff of the neck.

"Where is Michael Davilone?" she asked him.

"I'll never tell you," the man gasped and tried to kick the girl but she simply kneed him in the stomach.

"Well, I guess we are going to wander aimlessly around this mansion for hours then," she sighed as she opened a door and found a young boy who couldn't have been more than eight sitting on a chair in the middle of the room. "Or not. CAPTAIN!" she yelled.

"I'm standing right next t you," Bel shot a glare at her from underneath his bangs and walked into the room, a creepy smile playing about his lips. "Hey kid."

"…My mummy told me not to talk to strangers," Michael said as he patted down his brown hair and stared at Bel, his bright blue eyes watching the man's every move.

"Aww, I changed my mind. I think I'll enjoy this mission if we have to babysit a cute kid like him," Elizabeth grinned.

"Why hello there sexy," Elizabeth stopped grinning and stared at the eight year old boy.

"Captain, I think I'm hearing things," she whispered. "I mean, what eight year old kid would call a twenty-six year old sexy?"

"An eight year old kid who was in fact twenty-seven but stuck in a child's body?" Michael suggested.

"Oh that makes sense," Elizabeth replied. "Wait a minute…you are twenty-seven?"

Michael grinned. "That's right baby."

"Gawd, I feel like such a pedo right now," the girl shuddered.

"That means my charms are working," the boy winked.

"Ushi shi shi~! Sorry to interrupt your FASCINATING conversation but we have a mission to do," Bel said, slightly disturbed by Michael as well. "And why did you act like a kid when I talked to you?"

"Pretty lady that guy is scaring me!" Michael wailed in a childish voice.

"Captain!" Elizabeth marched up to Michael and hugged him. "You can't go around scaring eight year olds!"

"Twenty-seven year olds," Bel reminded her.

"Same thing!"

"No peasant, no it isn't," the prince sighed as he walked towards the two of them.

"HE'S SCARING ME!" Michael screamed and hugged Elizabeth tighter.

"CAPTAIN!" Elizabeth roared and scowled at the blonde haired man.

"Peasant, he's a fucking twenty-seven year old! He's in the fucking mafia!" Bel told her, his patience with the girl beginning to run out.

"CAPTAIN LANGUAGE!" Elizabeth shrieked and covered Michael's ears.

"I am going to kill both of you in a second," Bel got out his knives and Elizabeth instantly sprang into action and tied up Michael with a rope.

"Okay, I've tied him up. Happy?" she asked as she dragged the tied up boy behind her.

"Ushi shi shi, perfect," he answered as the two strolled out of the mansion with Michael being dragged behind them.

_Later_

"Aw, he's SO cute!" Lussuria gushed and hugged Michael who was currently sitting on a sofa in one of the many sitting rooms in the Varia base.

"Why does everybody think the fucking twenty-seven year old is cute?" Bel groaned.

"LAUNGUGE BELPHEGOR!" Lussuria and Elizabeth both yelled.

"Bel sempai, you are going to be a bad influence on him so I suggest you leave right now," Fran advised the boy.

"Ushi shi shi~! Die Froggy!" Bel threw a knife at Fran.

"Pretty lady, why is that guy so violent?" Michael asked Elizabeth, smirking.

"Err, cause he's an assassin?" Elizabeth suggested.

"Eliza-chan! You shouldn't speak of such foul people in front of your brother Mi-chan!" Lussuria told her.

"But aren't you an assassin Luss-nee?" the girl asked, slightly confused.

"And why am I her brother?" 'Mi-chan' asked, looking at Elizabeth with lustful eyes.

"Once again I feel like a pedo," Elizabeth shuddered.

"VOOOIII! So how come you are in a child's body?" Squalo asked Michael.

"Some crazy guy shot me with this bullet and when I came to I was a kid," Michael told him in a bored fashion. "But ladies are nicer to me when I'm in a kid's body so I don't mind it that much," he winked at Elizabeth who shuddered again.

"So what are we going to do with him now?" Lussuria asked. "I mean, we could hold him for ransom like in the plan but since he is an adult he should be able to tell us what we want straight away!"

"YOU ARE SO SMART LUSS-NEE!" Elizabeth told the man happily. "So now all we have to do is get the information out of him!"

Levi, who had been listening to the conversation intently, took out one of his parabolas and pointed it at Michael. "Oi, tell us what we want. NOW!" he yelled.

"Wow, an umbrella. So threatening," the boy remarked, raising his eyebrows. "Whatcha gonna do, threaten me with getting wet in the rain?"

"Or maybe it has a gun hidden inside!" Elizabeth ran up to Levi. "Does it have a gun inside? DOES IT?"

"No," Levi stated bluntly.

"Aww, you are no fun Levi," Elizabeth pouted and sat down on the sofa next to Michael.

"My turn!" Lussuria sang and pushed Levi and his parabola out of the way. "Now Michael I want you to do as Luss-nee tells you to do and inform us of what your family is planning!"

"No," Michael said as he leant his head on Elizabeth's shoulder, bored.

"You won't even though it for Luss-nee?" Lussuria asked, horrified. Michael shook his head. "WAAAHH! SQU-CHAN, OUR SON WON'T LISTEN TO ME!"

"VOOOIIII! THAT'S BECAUSE YOU ARE TERRIBLE AT THREATENING PEOPLE! AND THEY ARE NOT MY SON!" Squalo yelled.

"Still in denial," Elizabeth shook her head. Squalo glared at her before marching up to Michael and pointing his sword at his neck.

"VOOOIIII! TELL US YOUR STUPID PLANS YOU BRAT!" the man shouted.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the femininity you are emitting," Michael said, smirking.

"And when an eight year old kid thinks you are a woman you know that you are one," Elizabeth said, trying not to laugh.

"VOOOOIIIIIII! I AM NOT A GIRL!" Squalo hollered. Michael turned to face Elizabeth.

"He's denying his feminine side isn't he?" Elizabeth nodded in response. "He does know that denying it can cause your body to implode?"

"I. AM. GOING. TO. KILL. YOU!" the silver haired man screeched as he raised his sword.

"WAIT! DON'T KILL HIM!" Lussuria shouted. "HE MAY BE ANNOYING BUT HE IS OUR SON!"

"I want to try now," Fran walked over to Michael and knelt down. He then made flowers appear from up his sleeve and doves fly out of his hat.

"…What was the point of that?" Michael wondered.

"SO COOL!" Elizabeth clapped her hands. "How come you can do that?"

"Cause I am a Top Magician," Fran told her. Elizabeth squealed.

"I think she is an eight year old in a twenty-six year olds body," Squalo face palmed.

"Ushi shi shi, my turn~!" Bel sang as he walked up to the kid. "Spill beans or else!" he took out a knife and threw it so that it just missed his head by a few inches. "Every second I'll throw it a bit closer to your head!" the prince laughed evilly.

"W-wait!" Michael started to panic. A knife was thrown a little closer to him.

"One~!" Bel sang.

"Come on, just tell the man," Elizabeth said.

"Two~!" another knife was thrown.

"Do you want me to tell him?" Michael asked, his eyes wide.

Three~!" Michael gulped as the knife nearly hit him again.

"That would be nice," Elizabeth smiled.

"Four~!"

"Fine! I'll tell you I'll tell you!" Another knife was thrown at his head.

"BEL!" Elizabeth looked at her captain disapprovingly. Bel shrugged.

"My hand slipped."

_Later_

Elizabeth watched from a balcony as Michael was bundled into a black car and driven away, most presumably to Vongola head quarters where they would decide whether to keep him alive or not. It was most likely that he was going to die but Elizabeth didn't care that much. She was an assassin and if she were ordered to she would kill her own subordinates along with her family. Actually being able to kill them was another question but she didn't think much about it, she was the kind of person to worry about things when they happened and not beforehand. Which is why she was always fined for speeding.

"Peasant~!" a familiar voice brought her out of her daydream and she faced her grinning captain.

"Yes dear captain?" she replied.

"Dinner is served~!" he sang before bounding back inside.

"Okay~!" she waltzed after him. After a few seconds Bel stopped walking and faced his lieutenant, grinning. "What is it captain?" she asked the man, cocking her head to the side.

"Ushi shi shi, tomorrow you are getting trained again!"

"…Will it involve guns, fire, hiding, screaming, death and," she paused, looking up into Bel's face seriously. "Tea?"

"Ushi shi shi, of course my cute peasant!" he laughed.

Elizabeth whipped on some black sunglasses which Bel was certain she didn't have before. "Then I'm in."

**Discoabc: Ushi shi shi, next time we will have the training session!**

**Lussuria: Am I in it?**

**Discoabc: Of course Luss-nee! Everybody is in it!**

**Lussuria: YAY!**

**Michael: Am I in it?**

**Discoabc: No**

**Michael: Awwww**

**Elizabeth: So, what are we gonna do in the training session captain?**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi~!**

**Elizabeth: …For some reason only now am I beginning to fear for my life**

**Fran: Only now?**

**Squalo: VOOOOOIIIIIIIII! WHY DO YOU KEEP INSISTING THAT I AM A GIRL?**

**Everybody: Because you are**

**Squalo: VOOOOIIIII!**

**Elizabeth: You know, I really admire you Squ-chan.**

**Squalo: Y-you do?**

**Elizabeth: *Nods* not only are you a girl but you have a great lung capacity! Man, I wish I could shout as loud and as long as you could.**

**Squalo: I am going to murder you.**

**Elizabeth: Which is why I am running away *Runs***

**Squalo: VOOOOIIIII! GET BACK HERE *Runs after her***

**Lussuria: I feel as if this scene is somewhat familiar…**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi, bye bi!**

**Elizabeth: ARGH! SOMEBODY HELP!**

**Fran: Do you think we should help her?**

**Everybody apart from Lussuria: No**

**Lussuria: My poor child!**


	5. I will kick your ass at hide and seek!

**Hey peeps! New chappie of Destroying Varia from the inside (DVFTI! Yep, that sounds awesome…)! Ugh, I have some many tests…so little time to revise…and sleep…BUT TIME TO WRITE FANFICS! Yeah, I really prioritize well XD Now shout out…**

**ShinigamiinPeru: I actually cracked up on seeing your review XD And I agree with you, Levi is immortal. Which is good so I can go torture him some more without him dying! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! My friends tell me I'm sadistic sometimes. Actually, most of the time…**

**Disclaimer: I RULE THE WORLD ALONG WITH FLUFFY BUNNIES! But even though the world belongs to me I do not own KHR. Strange huh?**

Chapter 5: I will kick your ass at hide and seek!

Elizabeth's eyes widened as she looked up at her captain. "You want me to do WHAT?"

"Ushi shi shi~! I want you to play hide and seek!" Bel sang, twirling his knives around happily.

"Usually I would agree to do such an insane thing but in case you didn't realize ITS 5:00 IN THE FUCKING MORNING!" Elizabeth screamed whilst gesturing to her watch. Bel threw a knife at her.

"Stop complaining peasant. The prince giving up HIS free time to train you so you better be grateful," he hissed at her, annoyed at her sudden outburst.

"AND I AM GIVING UP MY SLEEPING TIME!" the girl hollered. Her captain threw another knife at her.

"Stop complaining now," he ordered her.

"MY SLEEPING TIME!" Elizabeth screeched back.

"Ne, Lussuria sempai," Fran didn't turn to face the man as he watched the two twenty-six year olds argue.

"Call me Luss-nee," Lussuria replied as he held out a mug of hot chocolate to the boy. "Hot cocoa?"

"Thank you Luss-nee," Fran took the flask and began to drink from it. The two stood together in silence for a few moments, watching as Elizabeth took out her gun's and began to fire at her captain.

"You wanted to ask me something Fran?" Lussuria asked.

"Oh yeah…why is Cute sempai so…"

Elizabeth began to kick at Bel as well, shooting at him ever now and ten. "DIE!" she screamed.

"…Violent today?" Fran finished his question.

"Oh, I think it's because Bel-chan dragged her out of bed and didn't even give her a cup of tea," Lussuria shook his head. "Bel should no better than to do that to a lady," he sighed.

"VOOOOOOOOOOI!" Squalo yelled as he ran up to the two fighting adults. "STOP FIGHTING SO WE CAN GET ON WITH YOUR STUPID TRAINING!" he hollered at Elizabeth.

"SHUT IT YOU STUPID FEMALE SHARK!" Elizabeth managed to kick Squalo in the chest, sending him flying backwards.

"Nice kick peasant," Bel grinned in approval.

"Don't think I am done with you yet," the girl growled in response, raising her guns again. Suddenly Levi appeared.

"Somebody stop them NOW!" he yelled.

"…Why?" Fran asked.

"Because they will wake up boss!" Levi howled. Suddenly flames crashed through followed by a VERY angry Xanxus. "Boss!" Levi knelt down immediately. "Good morning," he greeted him. Xanxus took one look at him before shooting the man with his guns.

"Boss isn't a morning person too I guess," Lussuria said, sweat dropping.

"DAMMIT CAPTAIN, STAY STILL!" Elizabeth screeched as Bel skidded under a table. She then jumped on top of it and grinned before pressing her guns' triggers. "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!" she cackled as she shot at the table making wooden splinters fly everywhere.

"VOOOOOI! STOP DESTROYING THE FURNITURE!" Squalo howled as he picked himself up from off of the floor and pointed his sword at Elizabeth. In response the girl shot him as well followed by Xanxus trying to kill his with his own guns. "VOOI! WHAT WAS THAT FOR YOU IDIOTS?" the man yelled. Elizabeth ignored him, her task of killing Bel deemed far more important than killing the other man.

"Trash, do you want to die?" Xanxus asked him angrily.

"BE PREPARED TO MEET YOUR DEATH!" Elizabeth screamed as the table broke from underneath her and she landed on her captain, pressing her guns against his throat.

"Boss! Eliza-chan! Stooooop!" Lussuria began to run towards them in slow motion.

"Sempai, why I you running in slow motion?" Fran asked him.

"IT'S LUSS-NEE!" Lussuria cried in response before whisking out two mugs filled with tea and shoving the into Xanxus's and Elizabeth's hands. The two drank it immediately.

"Ah, tea is the best~!" Elizabeth sang as she finished it and threw the mug out of the window. She then looked around the room. "Huh? What happened to all the furniture? And why is Squ-chan on fire?"

"She doesn't remember anything?" everybody apart from Xanxus thought.

"Trash," the man hissed.

"Yes boss?" Lussuria asked.

"This is disgusting," Xanxus threw the tea out of the window making Elizabeth stare at him in horror.

"YOU KILLED SOME INNOCENT TEA!" she shouted in disbelief.

"You expected me to drink that shit?" Xanxus asked her as he put his guns away and grabbed a wine bottle from a small table which HADN'T been destroyed whilst Elizabeth had gone on her rampage. Lussuria gasped and covered Fran's ears.

"Boss, there are children!" he said in a shrill voice.

"Tea? Disgusting?" Elizabeth looked at him in horror once again. "But tea is NEVER disgusting!"

"Apparently it is," Bel said as he flung an arm around his lieutenant grinning. "Are you ready to start your training now peasant?"

"Disgusting tea…does not compute," Elizabeth said, completely still. Bel poked her in the cheek. The girl did nothing.

"Ushi shi shi~! I think you broke her boss," Bel laughed.

"The world is wrong…the universe is wrong…tea can't be disgusting…it's against the laws of physics…" the girl mumbled.

"Elizabeth is right! My tea isn't disgusting!" Lussuria said, shooting a glare at Xanxus who had called his tea disgusting.

"Oh YOU made the tea!" Elizabeth said, breaking out of her trance. "Then I completely agree with Xanxus, that stuff tasted shit."

"ELIZABETH! LANGUAGE!" Lussuria screamed.

"English, Japanese, German, French, Italian, Spanish, Polish and Elizabethean," Elizabeth replied, smirking.

"Elizabethean?" Fran said. "What does that mean Cute sempai?"

"Oh, it's just some language I made up when I was seventeen," Elizabeth told him before sighing dreamily. "It had one word which meant that you were a complete idiot who didn't know what gender they were and was so loud that they were going to go deaf early."

"What was it?" Bel asked, slightly interested.

"Squalo."

"VOOOOOOOI!" Squalo yelled as Bel let out a snigger.

"So, what are we doing for training Captain?" Elizabeth asked Bel, a small smile playing upon her lips.

"We are playing hide and seek~!" the man replied, a huge grin across his face.

"YAY! I LOVE HIDE AND SEEK!" Elizabeth clapped her hands excitedly.

"Ushi shi shi, something we have in common peasant," Bel laughed.

"Let me play too!" Lussuria waved their hand in the air.

"No way pervert," the prince replied. "I'm not letting you mess up my lieutenants' training!"

"You mean children's game," Squalo scoffed.

"Hide and seek is not a children's game!" Elizabeth yelled at him. "It involves betrayal, deception and intimate relationships!"

"What kind of hide and seek games does she play?" everybody (apart from Xanxus cause he's too awesome) thought, sweat dropping.

"This is a waste of my time," Xanxus suddenly said before strolling out of the room, Levi's happy expression disappearing as he went.

"He's just scared he's gonna lose," Elizabeth said when he was gone. "So, who else wants to play?"

Only Lussuria put his hand up. "Why would I want to play such a stupid game?" Squalo asked as he started to leave the room. Levi nodded in agreement whilst Fran continued to drink his hot chocolate, uninterested in the whole affair.

"Well, that is a shame," Elizabeth sighed. "And the winner was going to get to sit in the boss's chair."

Everybody froze and looked at her. "You mean the one with the velvet and cashmere covering it along with the diamond encrusted thread and filled with Dodo feathers?" Lussuria asked, making his subordinates mouths drop open. Elizabeth nodded. "OMG, I AM TOTALLY PLAYING NOW!" the man squealed.

"Hmm, I wanna sit in boss's chair too," Fran murmured.

"Awwwww, you are so CUTE when you want something!" Elizabeth squealed before hugging him.

"I must protects boss's chair!" Levi said out loud. "Bu I kinda want to sit in it too," he then thought, blushing. Squalo looked conflicted.

"I want to sit in that stupid boss's goddamn expensive chair but should I risk losing my dignity over it?" he whispered to himself.

"Don't worry Squ-chan, you've already lost all your dignity!" Elizabeth told him cheerily. "You lost it when you lost your manliness!"

"VOOOOOOOOIIIII! I AM NOT A GIRL!" the man yelled. "That's it, I'm playing but only to wipe that smug smile off you face!"

"Yay! Squ-chan is playing!" Lussuria grinned happily.

"Right. Now everybody outside!" Elizabeth yelled and all the people obeyed, leaving the room slowly. Bel caught his lieutenants' arm on the way out.

"Ushi shi shi, how did you manage to get the boss to agree to this?" he asked, referring to the prize of sitting in the expensive chair.

"…I didn't," Elizabeth smirked as she waltzed off. Bel watched her go.

"The peasant is learning well~!" he thought to himself as he strolled off after her.

_Later_

"So we are only going to have ONE round in which Captain Bel will be the seeker. You are only allowed to use weapons which do not use flames and NO illusions Fran, do I make myself clear?" Elizabeth leaned towards the boy who simply yawned in response before nodding his head slowly. "Good. Now we have two minutes to hide and after Bel has been searching for us for three minutes we may begin to run around and switch hiding places. You are not caught until the seeker has come in contact with them. Coming into contact with weapons, bullets included, counts as well. Oh and you are also out if you have been killed or so severely injured that you cannot continue the game. After the seeker is notified that there is only one person left they must come in contact with the remaining hider within ten minutes or the hider wins. When everybody is out it means that the seeker has won. Any questions?"

"Ushi shi shi, can you attack the other hiders if you are a hider too?" Bel asked her.

"Yep," the girl replied, grinning.

"And can the hiders attack the seeker?" Levi asked.

"What do you think we are playing? Some sort of assassination game?" Elizabeth looked at him as if he was crazy. "Of course you can't attack the hider!"

"But what if they attack you?" Squalo asked her.

"Oh but when you are being attacked you are no longer a hider but an attackee which means that you may fight back."

"So what if the seeker is killed?" Squalo wondered.

"Then the attackee will become the attacker and will attack all other hiders who will subsequently become attackees. Simple really," Elizabeth grinned.

"I'm confused," Lussuria sighed.

"Just hide, try not to be found and if found either run or fight," Fran explained.

"Ohhhhhh, that makes sense," the man said, hitting his left fist on his right palm. Bel then walked up to Elizabeth and grinned.

"Good luck peasant," he told her before swinging one of his arms round her shoulders. "But the prince will win~!"

Elizabeth looked up at him, her eyes glittering with amusement. "I'm sorry to tell you this but you won't be the winner. I will be the winner."

"Oh really now?"

Electricity sparked between the two twenty-six year olds eyes before Elizabeth suddenly ran off, a huge smile on her face. She then threw a timer to Bel. "Let the games BEGIN!"

Everybody apart from Bel ran off, leaving him alone outside the Varia base. "Ushi shi shi, the peasant really knows how to entertain people," he grinned to himself as he twirled one of his knives around. "Now, I wonder how long I should keep her alive for?"

_After two and a half minutes_

Bel ran down another corridor, throwing knives in a somewhat crazy way but seeming logical to prince the ripper himself. He threw another knife at a curtain. "Che, not there either," he thought as he continued to run. The man looked down at his watch. "I've already wasted half a minute and three minutes after I have counted they can move again," he said out loud to himself before bursting into a room. The prince looked around before cursing softly to himself.

"Language!" he heard somebody cry and looked up to see Lussuria hanging off a chandelier shaking his head at the boy.

"Ushi shi shi~! Found you," Bel sang and threw a knife at Lussuria. The other man caught it and sighed.

"I'm really not in the mood for fighting it out with you Bel-chan since Squ-chan abandoned me earlier so I am going to give in quietly," he told him as he let himself fall from the ceiling. "Would you like some coffee?"

"Sure," Bel replied, slightly disappointed that the man had not fought him. He looked down at his watch to realize that he only had two minutes left! Bel ran out of the room as quickly as he could and before long found himself in Squalo's room. The boy looked around. "Boring, just like that shark," he said out loud before noticing something in Squalo's HUGE fish tank of which some sharks inhabited. He tapped on the glass, which made an enormous shark swim up to him. Well, Bel thought it was a shark until he saw that it had long white hair and a sword instead of a hand. In fact, it didn't look like a shark at all but Bel had assumed it was at first glance since you didn't really expect a person to be swimming about in a fish tank now would you? "Oi, shark commander. What are you doing in a fish tank?" Bel asked.

"VOOOOOOOOI! IT IS NOT A FISH TANK!" Squalo tried to yell at him but upon doing so water flooded into his mouth making him start to drown. Eventually the man swam up to the top and pushed his head out of the water and into the air, taking deep breaths. "Vooooi, it is not a fish tank," he said weakly.

"Sure it isn't," Bel said as he threw a knife at the man. Squalo ducked under water making Bel grin mischievously at him. He raised one of his knives making Squalo's eyes widen, the message 'you wouldn't' conveyed through them. The blonde haired boy replied with grin which meant 'oh but I would' and through the knife into the fish tank, causing it to break, letting the water escape.

"VOOOOOOOOI!" Squalo yelled as he looked at his now suffocating sharks. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?"

"To win the game and thus sit in the boss's chair," Bel replied as he threw a knife at Squalo who deflected it with his sword.

"You. Are. DEAD!" the man yelled but Bel ignored him, having found something far more important. The three-minute time limit had passed and now everybody could move around freely making Bel's job even harder.

"Damn that stupid lieutenant."

_Elsewhere_

Elizabeth grinned as she clambered out of her hiding place. She had been hiding underneath some floorboards underneath her four-poster bed, a secret room which she doubted even Xanxus knew about! The girl turned around to replace the floorboards and upon turning back around she screamed.

"Cute sempai, please stop screaming," Fran said in his monotone voice, shutting the loud girl up.

"Fran! You fricken scared me! I thought you were Captain Bel!" she said, letting out a sigh of relief.

"Aren't you scared I am going to attack you?" Fran asked her.

"Nah, you an illusionist. Physical combat isn't one of your greatest strengths unlike me," she grinned. "So, why are you here?"

"Let's make an alliance Cute sempai," the illusionist said. "That way we can watch out for each other and have less opponents to worry about."

"You do realize how disadvantageous the situation is for me? I can probably take on a lot of these guard with my usual weapons but you can't use your illusions so you can't do anything!" she pointed out.

"I'll let you take me out as soon as we have defeated everybody else. That way I can exit the competition as painlessly as possible."

Elizabeth gasped. "You can feel pain? But you never seem to feel anything when Bel throws a knife at you or I punch you! It doesn't make sense!"

"…That's cause I am a Top Magician," Fran replied, unsure of what else to say. Elizabeth's eyes shone.

"THAT IS SO COOL!" she yelled and jumped up into the air happily. Unfortunately she landed on a bottle of water that sent her flying backwards and into the door, which led out onto the balcony. She tried to regain her balance but failed and went toppling over the edge of the balcony headfirst. The girl was so shocked that she didn't even have a chance to scream as she fell but Fran managed to grab her ankle as she plummeted towards the earth. Elizabeth was now dangling in front of a window and looked into it out of interest. "I never knew that Squ-chan's bedroom was just below mine…"

_TO SQUALO_

Squalo and Bel began to circle each other, each daring the other to make the first move.

"What are you, a coward?" Squalo snarled at the younger boy as he swung his sword backwards, preparing to launch himself at his opponent.

"What are you, a girl?" Bel replied, grinning. Squalo opened his mouth to reply but stopped when he looked out of the window to see Elizabeth hanging upside down, a huge grin on her face.

"What the fuck?" he murmured as the girl began to swing left and right quite violently. Elizabeth tore her gaze from inside the room and looked upwards before shouting something, making Squalo wish that he hadn't made his whole room sound proof.

"What are you looking at?" Bel turned around just as Elizabeth was hauled upwards meaning he could not see her. Squalo blinked.

"What the fuck?"

_TO FRAN AND ELIZA_

"FRAN YOU IDIOT!" Elizabeth smacked the boy very the head angrily. "I NEARLY DIED!"

"It's your fault for falling over in the first place," Fran pointed out lazily. Elizabeth glared at him, a black aura appearing around her.

"Right, just for that I will not make an alliance with you. So there," she stuck out her tongue at him.

"Well, that's a pain…now I am going to be killed by Bel sempai…painfully…" Fran said in response.

"Or get killed by me," the two turned to see Levi, pointing one of his parabola's at the boy. "FOR BOSS!" he yelled as a bolt of lightning flew at the two of them. Elizabeth dodged out of the way easily but Fran somehow managed to slip in the same way Elizabeth had done a few seconds ago and fell over the edge of the balcony.

"FRAN, NOOOOOOOOO!" Elizabeth ran to the edge of the balcony and looked own, expecting to see a dead corpse but instead the boy had vanished. She gasped. "He CHEATED!" she said, shocked. "Ah well, I guess that means he is disqualified then…"

"Time for you now," Levi grinned as he pointed his weapon at her. Elizabeth looked at him, a bored expression on her face.

"You know, you are pretty goddamn boring," she said before seeming to disappear and reappear behind the man. She then lifted her left leg and kicked him in the back of the neck, knocking him out. Elizabeth yawned again. "So boring…"

_TO SQUALO_

Squalo blinked again as he watched Fran fall and disappear half way down his window. "What the fuck?" he said out loud, now seriously confused. Bel looked out of the window again, both puzzled and pissed off. He didn't like it when other people knew more then him and right now Squalo did. But it was then that Bel saw his chance, the other man distracted by something the prince could not see, and threw a knife at him. It managed to graze his leg not enough for Bel on a usual day but enough for him to get Squalo out.

"Ushi shi shi, I win!" Bel laughed evilly just as Fran and Lussuria walked in, each holding a cup of coffee.

"Ah, Bel-chan! We were just looking for you!" Lussuria smiled at the boy and skipped over to him. "It seems that you only have ten minutes left to found Eliza-chan since she beat Levi!" he sang.

"I expected nothing less from a prince's lieutenant," Bel grinned in response. Squalo looked over at Fran, slightly confused.

"But I saw you…" he pointed at the window and back to the boy repeatedly.

"Oh, Fran here used his illusions so he was disqualified," Lussuria explained.

"It was Levi sempai's fault. But I suppose Cute sempai killed him," Fran said before taking another sip of his coffee. Bel grinned again.

"Just as the prince predicted!" he laughed as he sprinted out of the room, a huge smile on his face. He then looked at a wire attached to his watch. "So gullible!" he thought, remembering back to when he had placed the wire on her by flinging his arm around her shoulders. Hopefully she wouldn't realize what was happening unlike Gokudera Hayato but then again, that guy was pretty smart whilst Elizabeth could be classified as a complete an utter idiot. "Nine minutes," he thought as he rounded another corner, following his wire. Finally he reached the end of it and…

"HAHA, you just wasted seven minutes trying to find a piece of cardboard signed Eliza-chan," a piece of cardboard had written on it making Bel's anger rise.

"How the hell did she figure it out?" he thought angrily.

"By being smart?" Elizabeth suddenly popped out from behind the cardboard, grinning. Bel looked at her. Elizabeth looked back at him. "Oh…I just did something very stupid didn't I?"

"Ushi shi shi~!" Bel got out his knives and threw them at her making the girl begin to run.

"ARGH! SOMEBODY HELP!" she screamed as she got out her guns and began to deflect the knives by shooting them. "HELP ME!" she screamed again as she flipped over an innocent maid and dropped to her knees making Bel, who had also jumped over the woman, topple over her. Elizabeth quickly scrambled to her feet and began to run in the opposite direction. Bel glared at her from beneath his bangs. She was dead. Very dead. After a few seconds of running Elizabeth suddenly froze, refusing to budge an inch. "Oh shit," she mumbled as she realized the situation she was in. The girl moved her guns slightly only to have their movement restricted by razor sharp wires. Bel grinned.

"On touch and I win peasant," he sang. "But I have to admit you have pretty good eyesight to notice my trap."

"Why thank you," Elizabeth said through her gritted teeth as she tried to think of a way to escape without being cut even once. And then it came to her. "Oh, but I have already won Captain," she told him, grinning. Bel frowned.

"What do you mean?" he asked just as his watch went off to alert him that the ten minutes had already passed. "Oh, that."

"YAY! I WON!" Elizabeth was about to jump up and down when she realized that she was kinda stuck. "Oh, um, Captain Bel? Do ya mind letting me out?" she asked sweetly. Bel grinned.

"If you are so smart then figure out how to do it yourself," he replied before walking away.

"NO! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE CAPTAIN! CAPTAIN!"

_Later_

"I don't understand, why did you let me have the prize when you won?" Squalo asked Elizabeth as she held open the door to the room of which Xanxus's chair was in.

"Because Levi sempai is currently in hospital," Fran replied, earning him a kick in the shin by Elizabeth.

"He means that it's because I am a loving a sweet person. Right Captain Bel?" Elizabeth said, smiling at the blonde haired boy.

"Indeed so," Bel replied.

"Well, it seems like I have got everything completely wrong about you Elizabeth," Squalo beamed as he walked into the room.

"Have fun!" Elizabeth sang as she closed the door and grinned at Bel and Fran. A few minutes later they heard the soft click of guns and a loud VOI as Xanxus's guns hit Squalo.

"That was why I didn't want to win," Fran sighed as he walked away, unable to stop himself from smiling slightly when Elizabeth turned to high-five Bel and slapped him in the face by accidently smacked him in the face.

"I'M SORRY CAPTAIN. PLEASE FORGIVE ME! WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THOSE KNIVES? N-NOOOOOOOOOO!"

**Discoabc: *Sigh* I LOVE hide and seek…**

**Elizabeth: SAME!**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi~! The peasants have good taste**

**Discoabc: And so does the prince!**

**Fran: I didn't really do much except save Cute sempai from her impending doom **

**Elizabeth: Awwwww, thank you Fran! *Hugs***

**Xanxus: *gets out guns* review or I'll make you wish you were never born trash**

**Elizabeth: …Pfft, can't get over the fact that you like tea!**

**Discoabc: There is actually a reason for it…which I shall explain later…**

**Levi: Lazy brat**

**Discoabc: Elizabeth. KILL HIM!**

**Elizabeth: With pleasure**

**Lussuria: Why does everybody fight? WHY?**

**Bel: Bye bi!**

**Discoabc: BYE!**


	6. Paperwork can lead to so many crazy thin

**Hey guys! First things first: IMMA SORRY FOR BEING AWAY FOR SO LONG! I know I should have updated sooner but I was kinda busy…with stuff…sorry about that :( So I promise never to go away for so long again unless FORCED to. And when I promise something like that THEN I MEAN IT! I think. Gah, I'm confused! And I haven't even written anything yet! Shout outs…**

**ShinigamiinPeru: I just realized how awesome you are for reviewing on chappies in both this fic and Strawberries and Cream. Hearts :) And hide and seek being violent is surprising to you? Obviously you didn't play the same game me and my friends did…XD**

**Soul Vrazy: You are very good at summing up my fics aren't you? XD**

**Leena456: Indeed so my friend but if Elizabeth wasn't crazy then who would be? Actually, that's a stupid question…LOL!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own KHR or Varia for that matter. If I did then those kickass guys would be shown a LOT more. Wearing a LOT less XD But Elizabeth belongs to moi so no touchy!**

Chapter 6: Paperwork can lead to so many crazy things…

Squalo frowned as he looked at his pile of paperwork on his desk, not stopping writing down things as he did so. He had been working for hours now but the amount of work he still had to do didn't seem any smaller! The man sighed and looked at the papers in front of him again just as his door to his office was flung open.

"Ushi shi shi~!" Bel laughed as he strolled in, a huge grin plastered onto his face. "I have some more work for you commander!" he sang, plunking down a massive pile of papers.

"Whatever," Squalo replied, focusing on the paper in front of him, not understanding what the hell was written on it. Oh, it was his squad's budget. Damn, if only Mammon was alive…

"Ushi shi shi~! Bye bi!" Bel laughed as he strolled back out of the room, his hands in his pockets. A few minutes later the door was flung open again.

"Long haired commander there is more work for you," Fran said in his usual emotionless voice, a pile of papers bugger than him carried in his arms.

"Leave it over there," Squalo sighed, gesturing to the only free space on his desk. Fran did as he was asked and left the room silently.

"SQU-CHAN!" Lussuria raced in as soon as the younger boy had left, a pile of work in his hands.

"Leave it over there," the other man replied, beginning to wonder why the hell he had so much work to do.

"Mou, you don't even say hello to me? I feel unloved," Lussuria pouted as he put down the papers as nosily as he could before flouncing out through the door. Soon after Levi walked in and as expected had a pile of paperwork in his hands.

"Boss orders you to do this," he stated and dropped the papers in front of the man before marching away again.

"Damn that stupid boss," Squalo muttered, staring at the paper, wishing it would suddenly burst into flames thus meaning he had not go to do any work anymore. After all, he was in the mood for killing somebody and paperwork wasn't nearly as exciting to put to death.

"SQU-CHAN!" Squalo winced and looked up towards the door to see Elizabeth running towards him, paperwork flying as she ran. "I HAVE WORK FOR YOU!" she yelled happily.

"Leave it over-" the man paused halfway through his sentence, his mouth parted slightly in surprise. "What the hell are you talking about? This is YOUR work!" he shouted, indicating towards the girl in front of him that had her name printed across the top page.

"No…" Elizabeth paused, looking at the work intently. "Wait, it IS my name!" she shrieked, grabbing the paper and holding it close to her face. "WTF? But captain told me to give it to YOU!"

Squalo froze for a few seconds before grabbing the top piece of paper which had been on the pile Bel had given to him. On it was written: _For Belphegor-sama's eyes only. CONFIDENTIAL! _The man growled, crushing the paper in his hands before checking the other piles. _Work for Captain Fran. Lussuria-sama's budget for the Sun squad. For Xanxus-sama only. TOP SECRET! Leviathan-sama: new missions _they read.

"VOOOOIIIII! I can't believe this! THIS IS THEIR WORK!" Squalo hollered making everybody run into the room. Apart from Xanxus. Cause he's cool like dat. He just did the gangster walk in. LIKE A BOSS!

"Well OF COURSE it's our work," Bel laughed, slinging one arm round his lieutenant who was still staring at the paper with her name on it. "We aren't paid to do paperwork, we are paid to assassinate."

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM PAID FOR THEN HUH?" Squalo yelled, sending a glare at everybody else.

"You are paid to be Luss-nee's love slave," Elizabeth, who had stopped looking intently at the paper and snapped her head up, a smirk on her face.

"ELIZA –CHAN!" Lussuria blushed. "Don't go telling the world about it! Mou, you are so mean!"

"…I feel disturbed," Fran said in his monotone voice.

"VOOOOIIIII! I AM NOT HIS LOVE SLAVE!" Squalo howled.

"Denial," Elizabeth shook her head making her captain laugh. "Commander, you do know it's not healthy to refuse to accept anything? For example, your gender."

"I AM NOT A GIRL!" the man yelled angrily. "STOP SAYING THAT I AM!"

"Trash," Xanxus suddenly said, his eyes blazing. "Shut up," he hissed. Squalo instantly stopped shouting, muttering incoherent curses at his boss.

"Proving once again that he IS your bitch," the only girl of the group (excluding Luss-nee of course!) sighed.

"Ushi shi shi~! I like your style peasant!" Bel laughed. Fran frowned.

"But I thought long haired commander was Lussuria-sempai's bitch Cute-sempai?" he wondered, confused.

"FRAN!" Lussuria looked horrified. "LANGUAGE!"

"I'M AM NOT THEIR BITCHES!" Squalo yelled.

"SQU-CHAN! LANGUAGE!" Lussuria shrieked.

"Ooooh, nice paper weight," Elizabeth commented as she and Bel abandoned the conversation to investigate Squalo's desk. Bel grinned as he picked up a receipt.

"100 bottles of shampoo?" he sniggered.

"OMG! Are you serious?" Elizabeth burst into giggles. "Even I don't use that much! But Luss-nee? That's a completely different story!"

"VOOOOOIIIII! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY DESK?" Squalo yelled. Elizabeth put one hand on her hip.

"What do you think we are doing?" she asked.

"Eloping with it?" Bel added, grinning. "Cause I know who I would prefer to elope with~!" he smirked at Elizabeth who rolled her eyes in response.

"You are such a flirt!" she told him, pushing the boy away.

"No, I am a prince~!" he sang.

"CHILDREN!" Lussuria shook his head. "We do NOT promote incest in this family! Right Squ-chan?"

"VOOOIII! MY NAME IS NOT SQU-CHAN!" Squalo roared.

"What's incest?" Fran wondered.

"…We'll tell you when you are older," Elizabeth sighed, patting him on the head.

"Trash," the click of Xanxus's guns made everybody freeze. Apart from one idiot.

"Boss, what should we do about the paperwork?" Levi wondered, pointing to the pile of papers.

"BURN IT!" Elizabeth shrieked. Xanxus lifted his guns upwards. "I WAS JOKING! JOKING!"

"But I won't protest if you do burn it!" Bel added.

"VOOOIII! DON'T BURN IT YOU STUPID BOSS!" Squalo shouted.

"Why?" everybody asked him apart from Xanxus.

"Because…" the man trailed off, unsure of exactly what to say.

"EXACTLY!" Elizabeth turned to Xanxus. "Continue."

Xanxus raised his guns again.

"DON'T DO IT YOU STUPID BOSS!" Squalo yelled again, glaring at Elizabeth as he did so.

"Do it, do it, do it," Elizabeth and Fran chanted whilst Bel laughed creepily.

"Squ-chan, sometimes you just have to go with the flow," Lussuria told him wisely.

"GO WITH THE FLOW? THEY ARE BURNING OUR PAPERWORK!" the man howled.

"Stop stressing Squ-chan!" Elizabeth shook her head. "Geez, this is why you went grey before your time!"

The papers caught fire.

"GAH! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!" Lussuria hollered, running round in circles with his arms flailing about in the air. Elizabeth saw this and grinned.

"I put my hands up in the air sometimes," she hummed as she raised her arms and flung them around in a similar manner that Lussuria had done.

"The fire is spreading! I must save the boss!" Lei thought as he rushed towards the burning paperwork with a huge bucket of water. Unfortunately for him, Bel existed. The prince stuck out his foot making the other man fling the bucket into the air, tipping its contents all over Xanxus. Everybody froze. Click.

"BOSSSSSS!" Levi yelled as he was throw out of the window. Xanxus growled, turning his attention to the rest of the group.

"Err, I am sure we can just figure this out in a calm and civilized matter," Lussuria said nervously as he and everybody else began to step backwards.

"It was the fake prince's fault," Fran told the furious man, pointing towards Bel. Cue knife flying through the air.

"DON'T KILL MEEEEE!" Elizabeth sobbed, falling to her knees. "I'll make you TEA!"

"Outta my way trash," her boss hissed, kicking her to the side.

"YEAH!" the girl pumped her fists in the air, knowing that she had been saved from facing the man's wrath. "I should use that excuse more often," she thought gleefully.

"Ushi shi shi~! The prince didn't do anything," Bel protested.

"NIETHER DID I!" Lussuria whimpered.

"How come Cute sempai gets to live?" Fran wondered, not paying attention to Xanxus as he stormed towards him.

"VOOOOIIIII! WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU STUPID BOSS?" Squalo yelled.

"I suggest you run," Elizabeth flashed a grin at the group. "Now."

_Later_

"Damn….that…stupid…boss…" Squalo panted after running around the Varia HQ from his enraged boss.

"I will kill him if he does it again," Bel nodded in agreement, his crown (coughtiaracough) in danger of falling off his head completely.

"Maybe we should take him to anger management classes?" Lussuria wondered as Elizabeth walked up to them with Fran.

"No need, he has Levi to take it out on usually," the girl told them cheerfully.

"True, true," Bel laughed.

"…I need a break from work," Fran suddenly said, sipping on some tea Elizabeth had given him.

"You need a break?" Squalo stared at him. "YOU need a break?"

"Squ-chan, has your hearing gone again?" Lussuria asked him sweetly.

"Here, have this old man," Elizabeth smirked as she passed him a hearing aid. Squalo glared at her. "Oops, I meant old WOMAN."

"I will KILL YOU!" Squalo yelled, hitting the hearing aid away.

"Well that wasn't very nice," Elizabeth huffed, crossing her arms. "And I thought you would be grateful. Typical."

"VOOOOOIIIIIII!" the man pointed his sword at the girl as he began to chase her around the room.

"Squ-chan STOP!" Lussuria cried. "She's our daughter! OUR DAUGHTER!"

"SHE IS NOT MY FUCKING DUAGHTER!" Squalo hollered.

"LANGUAGE!"

"SHUT UP!" he sat down in a chair, hanging his head. "I need a break from this…" he muttered.

"I know!" Lussuria clapped his hands happily. "How about the children and I do your work so that you can have a rest?"

"Hell no, I am not doing that shark commander's work!" Bel refused instantly before grabbing Elizabeth's arm. "Come on peasant, we have work to do."

"You mean I have work to do," the girl grumbled as she was dragged away, aware of the fact that her captain was always dumping his work on her. Then again, it was he who got punished when she wrote something stupid as it was HIS paperwork after all and not HERS.

I'll let you drive the Lamborghini~!" Lussuria sang, holding up the keys to the car. Instantly Bel and Elizabeth were in front of him.

"What and where?" Elizabeth asked excitedly.

"Get the shopping from the shop," the man told them, his sunglasses glinting in the light as the two twenty-six year olds nodded before he dropped the keys.

"I'M DRIVING!" they both yelled and began to wrestle for the keys. After a few minutes the winner was decided.

"Ushi shi shi~!" Bel laughed as he sat on Elizabeth's back.

"NOOOOOOOO!" the girl cried. "IMMA GONNA DIEEE!"

"It's only to the shops sweetie," Lussuria reminded her, grinning. "Now here is the list and," he paused, his expression serious. "Squ-chan's credit card."

"VOOOOIIIII! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?" Squalo yelled angrily.

"You are my husband. I know where all of your stuff is," Lussuria grinned evilly.

"You mean wife," Elizabeth mirrored his grin as she tried to push her captain off her back. And failed.

"Ushi shi shi, let's go peasant lieutenant!" Bel threw the girl over his shoulder and left the room, cackling.

"Hee hee, Peasant lieutenant. That rhymed," Elizabeth giggled before realizing what was happening. "HEY! PUT ME DOOOOWN!" she shrieked as Bel carried her outside. "IF I WAS MEANT TO FLY THEN I WOULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN WINGS! PUT ME DOWN ON THE FLOOR!"

Bel ignored her yells and flung her in the car before jumping in himself. "Ushi shi shi~!" he laughed as he started the car.

"I feel like I am in danger. HUGE danger!" the girl looked over at the boy. "You do know how to drive this thing right? Cause I know many assassins who do not know how to drive. All of them died. In car crashes," she told him.

"Of course I know how to drive, I am a prince after all!" Bel grinned as he drove perfectly out where the car had been parked and swerved onto the road. Elizabeth stayed tense for a little while longer, not knowing that the other boy's eyes were on her. "So when you are driving you break the speed limit all the time but when I am driving you act like a complete wuss?" he asked her, still smirking.

"Shuddap. When I am driving I know what I am doing but I have no idea what's running through your evil little mind captain," she pouted. Bel laughed.

"So the peasant ISN'T completely insane after all," he chuckled.

"Are you trying to say that I am insane?" Elizabeth glared at him. "I am PERFECTLY sane. For an assassin that is."

"Ushi shi shi~!" he watched as the girl visibly relaxed, grinning to himself. She suddenly froze again.

"CAPTAIN! LOOK OUT FOR THAT RABBIT!"

_Later_

"Peasant, hurry up," Bel ordered as the girl trudged along behind him, an immense scowl on her face as they entered the mall.

"B-but the RABBIT!" she cried eventually.

"What of it?"

"YOU KILLED IT!" she shrieked.

"Peasant," Bel sounded exasperated. "It was a RABBIT."

"BUT WHAT IF IT HAD CHILDREN?" Elizabeth suddenly turned around. "I have to tell them! Or else they will wait forever for their mother to come home and she'll never come back!"

Bel caught her arm and dragged her with him. "As amusing as this is to watch the people round here KNOW the Varia and will think we are all complete idiots of you keep up this charade," he snapped. Elizabeth stopped shrieking and looked up at him.

"You CARE about the Varia's image?" she asked, surprised. "I thought you were more of a 'I don't care about the Varia' guy," she admitted.

"Ushi shi shi~!" Bel laughed before putting a knife to her throat. "I don't care about the Varia's image but if they are thought of as weak, I am thought of as weak. Do you understand?" he hissed.

"You can still be strong AND be an idiot!" the girl protested, unfazed by the knife held against her neck. "Take Levi for example."

"True, true," he laughed again as he tore his weapon away from her throat before walking away into a clothes shop.

Elizabeth watched him go, frowning slightly. "But Luss-nee said that we didn't need clothes…WAIT! CAPTAIN, DON'T THREATEN THE SHOP KEEPER!" the girl shrieked as she raced into the shop after him, the boy in question currently holding a knife to an elderly man who looked as if he was going to faint any second now.

"But that's no fun~!" Bel whined like a child as his lieutenant sighed.

"We may be goddamn AWESOME assassins but threatening shop keepers ain't cool," she told him, shaking her head. Suddenly the old man pointed a gun at Bel. "Don't move you young whippersnapper!" he hissed making the two Varia members stare at him. And, as if on cue, everybody else in the mall took out guns and pointed them at the two assassins.

"Whoa, have we like stumbled across some sort of mafia convention cause I am like totally confused," Elizabeth blinked rapidly, trying to take in the scene before her.

"Oi, kiddo," a middle-aged man wearing sunglasses pointed to the girl with his gun. "We 'ere are used to your goddamn airs and violence in our mall and we ain't taking no more of this shit!" he spat.

"Well, that IS a surprise!" the girl stared at him. "I haven't even shopped around here yet and you seem to know EXACTLY what I am like!"

"Get that gun out of the prince's face," Bel hissed at the old man whom he was still holding his knife to.

"I am not falling for you young 'uns tricks anymore! My gun is staying where it is!" the old man replied, his eyes blazing with a determination that even Tsuna with his dying will bullets couldn't match! Bel, whose anger had already reached his limit, stabbed the old man in the neck making vast amounts of blood spurt out. Elizabeth looked on with distain.

"Honestly captain, hasn't anybody told you to respect your elders even when they are holding a gun to your face?" the girl drawled, still not seeming to see the danger of the hundreds of guns pointed right at her.

"GRANDDADDY!" a little boy, who was holding a pistol, screamed as he ran towards the old man who had collapsed on the floor followed by an old woman, a young woman and a young man. "GRANDDADDY, DON'T DIE!" the little boy wailed. Elizabeth's mouth dropped open but she quickly shut it and glared at Bel.

"SEE WHAT HAPPENS IF I AM NOT MONITERING YOU AT ALL TIMES?" she shrieked, marching up to him before snatching another knife he had just gotten out of his hands. "First you ruin the rabbits family and then you ruin an innocent old man's family!" she paused for a moment. "Well, he might not have been completely innocent but that's not the point!"

"Peasant," Bel growled. "I will kill you."

"Oh and NOW you are going to ruin my family? Well, I am sorry to tell you this but HELL NO!" as soon as Elizabeth had finished her mini rant all of the windows in the mall were smashed as men clad in bullet proof vests and helmets raced in.

"POLICE! DROP YOUR WEAPONS!" one man holding a megaphone yelled. Elizabeth, who had remembered that she was still holding one of Belphegor's knives, gave out a little shriek as she dropped it on the floor instantly.

"I SWEAR I AM INNOCENT!" she yelled, her hands raised in the usual 'I surrender' pose. "I've only killed a few dozen innocent people! And they killed my tea so they deserved it!"

"Kaching~!" Bel glared at the policemen as they came in from under his bangs (sorry, I just had a mental image of policemen appearing from under his bangs…for some reason they are all Fran dressed up as a policeman…). "Let's go peasant lieutenant!" as soon as he had finished speaking a gunshot rang out and he looked down to see blood pouring from his leg (by the way, it didn't hurt him too badly even thought guns are known for their harming properties…let's just say that he broke common sense and that made blood ooze from his leg. Yeah, it does that…)

"BUT WE HAVEN'T EVEN BOUGHT ANYTHING ELSE!" Elizabeth protested, not having seemed to notice what had just happened, before suddenly she heard a huge CLUNK and looked down to see a handcuff on her left wrist, a policewoman holding onto the other end with a grim look on her face.

"You have the right to remain silent," she told the girl as she stared at the handcuffs in horror.

"WAIT! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" Elizabeth shrieked as the policewoman attempted to drag her away, not having clipped the other part of the handcuff to herself yet. "I HAVE RIGHTS! RIGHTS!"

"You are a dirty assassin!" the little kid who was kneeling down next to his grandfather glared at her.

"I am?" Elizabeth sniffed herself. "But I thought I was pretty clean…"

"BURN IN HELL!" the old woman who was crouched next to the kid screeched, tears streaming down her face.

"Well that isn't very nice!" the assassin huffed. "And anyway, I don't get why you guys are so pissed off with me after all, it IS all captain Bel's fault…" she then watched as she saw Bel kill a few policemen, a psychotic grin on his face. "Actually, hold that thought," she pulled herself away from the policewoman, the handcuff hanging loosely from her left wrist.

"Die peasants!" Bel giggled insanely as he cut off another policeman's head using his wires and knives.

"Whoa, this is some bloodbath," girl gazed upon the scene with n an approving look on her face. She then quickly shook her head. "No, this is BAD! We were only meant to go shopping! How in hell did it end up like this?" she then made a grunt of realization. "Oh yeah, rabbits…"

"Ushi shi shi~!" Bel laughed again as a few more policemen fell down dead, Elizabeth off in her own little world about bunnies and them taking over the world.

_At Varia HQ_

Squalo paced around the room frantically, a worried expression on his face. He had been COMPLETELY opposed to having Bel and Elizabeth go shopping instead of him, especially since they had his credit card now, and he couldn't even begin to think about how he would relax with this huge worry plaguing his mind.

"Ara, what's Squ-chan doing?" Lussuria asked Fran as he watched Squalo walk up and down the room a couple more times.

"Maybe long haired commander is thinking about how he will kill fake prince-sempai and Cute-sempai? Fran suggested in his monotone voice.

"Why would he want to kill Bel-chan and Eliza-chan?" Lussuria wondered.

"Who knows…" the illusionist stared into the distance. "That paintings really pretty isn't it?"

"Squ-chan, what's wrong?" Lussuria asked the man, cocking his head to the side curiously.

"VOOOOOI! MY NAME IS NOT SQU-CHAN!" Squalo yelled angrily before sighing. "And I'm worried about what those brats are doing in the shopping centre with my shopping card…

"Buying stuff of course!" Lussuria laughed happily. "What else would they be doing?"

"That's what I'm worried about…" the swordsman sweat dropped.

"You need to relax Squ-chan! Relax!" the homosexual man told him seriously. "Eliza-chan and Bel-chan know how important this is to you, they would never betray your trust!"

"Exactly, you need to relaaaaaaaaax," Fran told the man, leaning back in his comfy chair.

"YOU ARE TOO RELAXED!" Squalo yelled at him before sighing again. "But maybe you are right, maybe I do need to relax…"

"That's right Squ-chan, relaaaaaaaaax!" Lussuria smiled sweetly at him. "I know, how about we watch some TV to loosen you up?"

"Ah, Lussuria-sempai!" Fran sat up to object but then realized that the seat was way too comfy and sank back down into it again. "No, never mind."

"I wish you would remember to call me Luss-nee," Lussuria pouted slightly as he turned the huge TV on.

"_This is live from Italia Shoppe where a huge fight has started!" the reporter announced. "We have live footage from this event right now!"_

"This is not relaxing at all!" Lussuria was about to change the channel when he dropped the remote and emitted a huge girly scream. "ELIZA-CHAN! BEL-CHAN!"

And sure enough, on the TV there were the two assassins on the screen: Bel killing people like a maniac and Elizabeth staring into the distance, a handcuff attached to her left wrist.

"_As you can see, it's a complete bloodbath!" the reporter told the camera._

"_Miss! Please step away from the blonde man!" a policeman shouted at Elizabeth, thinking she was an innocent bystander, as he had not seen the handcuffs._

"_But Mr. Bunny, you already have the world in your hands! What else could you possibly want?" Elizabeth ignored the man, off in her own little world. "Oh, innocent people sacrificed?" she took out her guns. "BUT OF COURSE!" she began to shoot in random directions._

"_WHAT DO YOU WANT?" a policeman shouted at Bel as he advanced towards him. "Please, just tell me what you want?"_

"_Hmm, I guess I want to feel the sensation of having my knife slice through your skin and your blood splattered across the walls~!" Bel grinned as he threw another knife. Suddenly another gunshot rang out and this time it grazed his arm. "Ah, my royal blood is everywhere!" he giggled._

"_DIE!" Elizabeth yelled as she kicked over somebody holding a gun and splattered their brains across the floor using her guns (AKA, SHE SHOT THEM). "MUWHAHAHAHA, I SHALL REALIZE YOUR WISH MR. BUNNY! I SHALL REALIZE YOUR WISH!"_

"Oh my, Eliza-chan has really done it this time," Lussuria, who had overcome his initial shock, shook his head. "Bel-chan too," he added. Squalo simply stared at the screen, his mouth wide open.

"Ah, I think they broke long haired commander," Fran remarked upon seeing the man. He poked his cheek. "Yep, he's broken."

"Oi," Lussuria and `Fran turned, Squalo being frozen, to see Levi walking up to them. "Boss wants to see you. Now."

"Tell him to wait a moment, we are busy!" Lussuria shooed him away with his hands, his eyes having swiveled back to the TV where Elizabeth was currently slapping people with her handcuffs.

"He can't wait," Levi replied stubbornly. "What are you watching anyway?" he walked over to the TV and froze.

"_ALL PIGS SHOULD DIE! DIE I TELL YOU! DIE!" Elizabeth laughed._

"_Ushi shi shi~!" Bel chuckled as he made a smiley face in the wall with his knives. "Smile~!" he threw the knife bang in the middle of their head, killing them._

"I…must tell boss…" Levi stuttered after a few moments, his eyes unable to tear away from the screen, the scene so unbelievable.

"NO!" Lussuria shouted instantly. "You can't tell boss! He'll punish them!"

"Well that's what needs to happen!" Levi, who had managed to stop staring at the TV unlike (poor) Squalo, shouted in response. "They need to be punished!"

"That sounded perverted…" Fran commented, now eating popcorn as he watched Elizabeth smash a shop window, walk into the shop and come out with hundreds of sweets, a huge grin on her face. "She does realize that she could of used the door?" he wondered out loud.

"We need to tell boss now," Levi ignored Fran's comment and continued his argument with Lussuria.

"But I don't want my children to be killed!" the man sobbed. "I don't want them to diiiieeeee! Right Squ-chan?" he turned to the swordsman expecting a response.

Squalo said nothing.

"Hmph, honestly, you are completely useless sometimes!" Lussuria pouted. "I don't even understand why we gave you a break from work in the first place if you are like this!"

"_Please stop! Please just stop!" a policemen on the TV cried as Elizabeth continued to kill people. _

"_What is it Mr. Bunny? You want me to beat the shit out of him? Well, if you say so…" Elizabeth giggled as she punched the man, sending him flying through the air._

"_W-who are you?" he wheezed out. Elizabeth seemed to think for a few moments before grinning._

"_Superbi Squalo."_

"**VOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" **everybody held their ears in pain as Squalo yelled, glaring at the TV. "WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS DOING?" he hollered loudly again. "I DON'T EVEN **LOOK **LIKE **HER!**"

"_Superbi Squalo?" somebody on the TV gasped. "You mean the sword emperor of this era?"_

"_That can't be him!" another laughed. "He doesn't use guns!"_

"Thank god they aren't idiots," Squalo thought, sighing in relief.

"_But I heard that he was extremely girlish," somebody remarked._

"VOOOOOIIIIIII! I AM NOT GIRLISH!" Squalo howled. Where the hell had they even heard that from?

"_VOOOOOOOOIIIIIII! I LOVE YOU LUSSURIA!" Elizabeth yelled, giving the camera the thumbs up._

"Oh, Squ-chan!" Lussuria blushed. "I never realized you were so passionate!"

"VOOOOOIIIIII! I DON'T LOVE YOU!" Squalo shouted angrily. What the hell was that Elizabeth thinking?

"_AND I AM XANXUS'S BITCH!" Elizabeth continued to yell (I don't actually think this but I can imagine other people imagining that…LOL!)._

"I'm telling Boss NOW!" Levi glared at Squalo.

"WHAT THE HELL? I AM NOT THAT SHITTY BOSS'S BITCH!"

"Squ-chan!" Lussuria covered Fran's ears. "Language! There are children about!"

"He is not a child!" Squalo howled, his patience having ran out a long, long time ago.

"_AND I AM ALSO IN LOOOOOOOVE WITH TAKESHI YAMAMOTO!" Elizabeth shrieked. (LOL!)_

"I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU ELIZABETH JULIETANÇE!" Squalo pointed his sword at the screen before racing out of the door. He then backed back into the room and pointed his sword at the TV again. "AND YOU TOO YOU FUCKING PRINCE!" he then stormed out, a murderous aura surrounding him.

"Do you think we should stop him?" Fran wondered, obviously not keen on following the furious man.

"NOOOOOO! NOT MY CHILDREN!" Lussuria raced out of the room. "DON'T KILL THEM SQU-CHAN!"

"Hmph, hopefully they will all **DIE**." Levi glowered at Elizabeth and Bel on the TV screen once more before leaving the room to find his boss. Fran looked around the empty room before shrugging and going back to watch the telly.

_At the shopping mall_

"You know, I can't believe I have been on a killing spree for around an hour," Elizabeth said loudly as Bel tottered about, looking as if he was going to fall over any minute.

"My royal blood! My royal blood!" his started to giggle again. "It's EVERYWHERE~!"

"No, that is your victims blood," his lieutenant pointed out. "But hey, we can go with that being your royal blood!" she jumped on another policemen, an evil grin appearing on her face.

"D-don't kill me!" they begged. "I-I'll do anything!"

"Anything?" Elizabeth removed her gun from his back and stroked her chin thoughtfully. "How about you buy me a ton of sweets? Oh and make sure that there is coke too. After all, it is the official supporter of the Olympics," she grinned. "Ah, advertising. It's even in the mafia!" (Seriously, I have been told this like a million times! And I'm like 'I LOVE COKE BUT DO I REALLY GIVE A CRAP? DO I REALLY?' Yes, adverts. They make us insane)

"VOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIII!" a shout made Elizabeth and Bel look upwards giving the policeman the chance to run away.

"Hmm, I'm certain that was girly sharkie…whoops, I meant me," the girl grinned happily, her idea of pretending to be Squalo seeming pure genius to herself.

"Ushi shi shi~! More victims!" Bel sang gleefully, twirling a knife in his hands.

"But why are they on the roof?" Elizabeth wondered curiously.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIII!" Squalo yelled as he jumped down, landing on a pile of dead bodies and marching up towards the girl. "YOU STUPID BRAT!"

Somebody gasped. "Is that…Superbi Squalo?"

"VOOOOOOIIIII! WHO ARE YOU CALLING A STUPID BRAT?" Elizabeth hollered, her hands on her hips.

"YOU! YOU STUPID IDIOT ELIZABETH, THE VARIA IS A LAUGHING STOCK NOW!" the man roared.

"VOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIII! WHO ARE YOU CALLING ELIZABETH YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT!" the girl howled. "Wait, that was more of an impression of boss…"

"VOOOOOIIIIIIIII! I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!" Squalo pointed his sword at her.

"VOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIII! I WILL FUCKING KILL **YOU!**"

"VOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

"VOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

"VOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIII!"

"VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIII!"

Whilst Elizabeth and Squalo were having a shouting competition Bel continued to look upwards. "Somebody else is up there~!" he sang.

"BEEEELLLLLL-CHAAAAAAAN!" somebody yelled.

Bel got out his knife. "Ushi shi shi~!"

"BEEEEEEELLLLLLL-CHAAAAAAN!"

"Ushi shi shi shi~!"

"BEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLL CHAAAAAN!" a green blur suddenly started to fall towards the boy. "CHAAAATTTTCHHH MEEEEEEEE!"

Bel didn't do anything as Lussuria smashed into the pile of bodies. "I don't feel like killing somebody like you," Bel announced, watching the man with a disdainful eye underneath his bangs.

"Mou, Bel-chan!" Lussuria crossed his arms as he stood up, a police hat now on his head. "I came all this way to help you and Eliza-chan and you won't even catch me when I ask you to!" he then looked around. "Where is Eliza-chan by the way?"

"**VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIII****!** BEAT THAT!" Elizabeth stuck out her tongue. Squalo glared at her.

"I am really going to kill you!" he hissed.

"HAH! I WIN THE SQUALO CONTEST!" Elizabeth pumped her fists in the air. (You got beaten by a girl at being yourself *shakes head* you've lost it Squ-chan)

"So the sword emperor is really this girlish?" somebody started laughing.

"VOOOOOIIIIIII! WHY HASN'T ANYBODY KILLED THEM YET?" Squalo yelled.

"Squ-chan!" Lussuria looked at him, horrified. "You tell our children not to kill people on whims and yet you WANT THEM to be dead? Hypocrite!"

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIII! THAT'S RIGHT YOU HYPOCRITE!" Elizabeth crossed her arms. "APOLOGIZE!"

"TO WHO YOU BRAT?" Squalo looked dangerously close to punching somebody.

"TO THAT PERSON WHO HAS BEEN INSULTING YOU!" she pointed into the crowd of people. "I mean, you wished them dead! AND WORDS HURT!"

"Yeah!" somebody in the crowd whooped.

"VOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIII! WOULD YOU GUYS JUST CLEAR OFF?" Squalo roared at the crowd. Suddenly the whole mall was filled with light and the entire crowd fell down dead.

"Well THAT was flashy," Elizabeth blinked before giving Lussuria the thumbs up. "Nice police hat. You are ROCKING the look!"

"Well, I was thinking about being a good cop gone bad, what do you think Eliza-chan?" Lussuria made a kissy-face.

"Sexy," she replied instantly. "Squ-chan's practically all over you when you are dressed like that!"

"VOOOOOIIIII! DON'T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT!" Squalo howled.

"Denial," Lussuria, Bel and Elizabeth all shook their head.

"Oi," everybody watched as Levi jumped down from the roof. "Stop making such a scene. Boss is annoyed at you," he hissed.

"Oh so it was YOU who killed everybody," Elizabeth yawned. "Now those killings don't seem very flashy any more…"

"VOOOOIIIIII! THEN TELL THE STUPID BOSS TO GET HIS LAZY ASS DOWN HERE!" Squalo yelled at Levi.

"Shush!" Elizabeth put her finger to her lips, "Inside voices."

"Sorry," Squalo muttered. "Wait, why the fuck am I listening to you?"

"Because I'm awesome," the girl then skipped over to Bel and allowed him to fling and arm around her shoulders to help him walk.

"Oh and boss says that he wants steak and wine while you are here," Levi told them.

"TELL HIM TO GET IT HIMSELF!" Squalo yelled.

"SHUSH!" Elizabeth and Lussuria hushed him.

"He also wants…" Levi's face was completely serious. "Tea."

Lussuria blinked. "Tea?"

"Yes, Tea."

"VOOOOOOIIIII! I AM NOT GETTING THAT SHITTY BOSS TEA!" Squalo shouted.

"You aren't getting…tea?" Elizabeth glared at him.

"Uh oh, you shouldn't have said that Squ-chan…" Lussuria rushed over to Bel and took him away from the girl quickly before she exploded. Which she did (And no, not literally. If you did think she actually exploded then you have much to learn dear friend, much to learn).

"I WANT FUCKING TEA RIGHT NOW SO YOU ARE FUCKING GETTING IT!" Elizabeth screamed.

"YOU ARE ON SHOPPING DUTY!" Squalo protested. "AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN DONE IT!"

"GET ME AND BOSS FUCKING TEA!"

"YOU HAVE MY CREDIT CARD!"

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE! GET THE TEA NOW!"

"YOU GO GET IT YOU LAZY BRAT!"

"Ushi shi shi, he is going to die~!" Bel laughed. He knew what Elizabeth would get like if nobody bought her tea. He knew EXACTLY what it was like. And was not prepared for it to happen again. Ever. Period.

"GET ME TEA NOW OR ELSE I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!" the girl screeched. Squalo, who had not been slightly intimidated beforehand, cowered slightly as a dark aura appeared around the girl.

"Fine! I'll get you and that shitty boss your stupid tea," he muttered as he stormed off. Elizabeth brightened up instantly.

"Oh and don't forget the steak~!" she sang.

"FUCK!"

_Varia HQ_

Fran continued to watch the TV as Squalo began to swear loudly as he stole some tea from Starbucks and some quality steak from a butcher. Suddenly he heard a huge crash in the room above him.

"Ah, boss must have turned on the TV," Fran commented dryly. "They are going to die…."

**Discoabc: Once again, I AM SORRY THIS IS SO LATE!**

**Elizabeth: You…forgot about me? *Glares***

**Discoabc: NO! I NEVER FORGOT! I was just busy with your twin who is 12 years old and plays tennis**

**Elizabeth: Huh, makes sense…**

**Fran: If you are twins don't you have to be the same age?**

**Discoabc: Ignore reality my friend. Just ignore it.**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi, this chapter was fun~!**

**Discoabc: Yeah…I was gonna advance yours and Eliza's relationship but MEH!**

**Squalo: Fucking boss…fucking Elizabeth…fucking steak…FUCKING TEA!**

**Lussuria: Squ-chan! Language!**

**Discoabc: FRAN!**

**Fran: Please review and save me from crazy Author-san~!**

**Discoabc; *Crying* I thought you were my friend Fran! **

**Elizabeth: Don't worry, I STILL LOVE YOU!**

**Discoabc: YAYAYAYAY! *Hugs Elizabeth***

**Xanxus: Oi, trash *points guns at Squalo* where the fuck is my wine, steak and tea?**

**Discoabc: I think I'm beginning to love the idea of Xanxus liking tea XD!**

**Bel: Bye bi!**

**Discoabc: Oh and QUICK NOTICE! I'm going to France for two weeks so if you don't hear from me for a while now then…YOU KNOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED!**


	7. MARY NOOOOOOOOO!

**Hiya guys! Today I am on a fanfiction killing spree! Without the killing! Yay for awesomeness! Now I am off to steal Byakuran's marshmallows because I have needs goddamit and they need to be FULFILLED! Yeah so GIMME YOUR MARSHMALLOWS BYAKURAN! Shout outs~!**

**ShinigamiinPeru: Awwwww, I heart you and your awesome reviews so much :) And if you were playing that hide and seek game it would be officially awesome! Yes, I love the word awesome! AWESOME! And yes, killing people in a mall is always a good idea. I think…and laughs in that chappie? YAYAYAY! My objective has been achieved \(^-^)/**

**LoStInIlLuSiOn: First things first, your name officially rocks. I bow down to the awesomeness *bows*. And second, yeah, I feel bad for Squalo too. I mean, I truly love him like he was a brother to me but unfortunately not everybody thinks about him in such a way :( But hey, at least he isn't Levi!**

**Guest: You laughed from beginning to end? HOLY CRAP, THAT MUST HAVE BROKEN THE WORLD RECORD! *****Bows down to your awesomeness* And Xanxus actually did kill them so I had to bring them back to life by sacrificing a Mary-sue to the god of fanfiction. They will (not) be missed :)**

**Disclaimer: KHR, although awesome like moi, does not belong to me for the pure awesomeness would destroy the world. Then again, Eliza-chan does belong to me so the world is not safe from the awesomeness yet…**

Chapter 7: MARY NOOOOOOOOO!

It was a completely normal and peaceful morning at the Varia HQ, the birds were tweeting, the servants were gossiping quietly amongst themselves, the faint waft of waffles could be smelt in the air and…

"VOOOOOIIIIIIIIII!"

…Elizabeth and Bel were causing hell again.

"WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING THIS YOU STUPID BRATS?" Squalo yelled as Elizabeth and Bel stared at the piece of steak that was meant to be Xanxus's lunch. Keyword: WAS. It now had pink icing at the words 'I love you Boss! I want to marry you! I want to be your love slave! Signed Leviathan' and was not edible by Xanxus's standards. Or by anybody's standards by that matter.

"Well, I thought that I would help progress that tea murderer and tea lover's relationship," Elizabeth told him seriously. "After all, with them having such different views they are kinda like star-crossed lovers! Ask Luss-nee."

"Ushi shi shi, it's exactly as the peasant says, we were only HELPING," Bel grinned as Squalo's anger rose.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIII! DID YOU EVEN STOP TO THINK ABOUT WHAT THAT SHITTY BOSS WILL DO TO US?" he shouted.

"You mean TO YOU," Elizabeth smirked. "Boss won't kill me after all, how pissed off will he get if the cute girl who gives him tea dies huh?"

"YOU DON'T GIVE HIM TEA! I DO!"

"Details, details," she waved his protest away, yawning slightly.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIII! THAT'S IT!" Squalo began to slash the air around him. "Scontro di Squalo!" he yelled, charging towards her. The girl yelped in surprise, realizing that this time he was serious about killing her, and leapt into Bel's arms, expecting him to help her. Bel simply grinned at her.

"Have a nice time in hell~!" he sang and threw her up into the air. Elizabeth screamed and, before she started to fall to her death, attached herself to the chandelier on the ceiling.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIII! COME DOWN HERE AND FIGHT ME!" Squalo roared.

"I'm very happy up here thank you!" the assassin squeaked in response, wondering how long she could stay up there.

"Ushi shi shi, should I help commander?" Bel asked, revealing the knives in his hands. He was interested to see how long Elizabeth could last against Squalo but with her hanging to the chandelier for dear life it was impossible to find out. Thus, he was going to help Squalo. For once. Amazing right?

"CAPTAIN YOU TRAITOR!" the girl shrieked as knives flew towards her, attempting to dislodge her from the ceiling. "LUSS-NEE! HELP ME!"

Lussuria instantly burst into the room. "ELIZA-CHAN!" he screamed in his girly voice. "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING TO MY BELOVED DAUGHTER?"

"VOOOOOIIIIIII! STAY OUT OF THIS LUSSURIA!" Squalo roared, disappointed that Bel had not been able to get her down yet.

"NO! DON'T STAY OUT OF THIS! SAVE ME, YOUR BELOVED DAUGHTER!" Elizabeth screeched.

"STAY OUT OF THIS!"

"HELP ME!"

"STAY OUT OF THIS!"

"HELP ME!"

"Oh my, I am so torn!" Lussuria wailed. "Who do I listen to, my sexy husband or my beloved daughter? OH SOMEBODY DECIDE FOR ME!"

"Don't do anything then," Fran told them, walking into the room as he sipped a slurpee (damn him and his slurpee!). "It will be more amusing anyway…"

"FRAN I WILL KILL YOU!" Elizabeth shrieked. "YOU ARE MEANT TO BE MY ADPOTED BROTHER WHO IS NICE TO ME BECAUSE I AM HIS OLDER SISTER!"

"Isn't Bel-sempai meant to be your brother as well?" Fran wondered in his monotone voice.

"I HAVE DISOWNED HIM!"

"Eliza-chan NO!" Lussuria looked horrified whilst Bel simply laughed.

"Huh, makes sense…" the illusionist went back to drinking his slurpee.

"Squ-chan, please stop!" the sun guardian sobbed. " Our family is breaking apart because of this! OUR FAMILY!"

Suddenly Levi marched into the room. "Boss requires your presence no-" he stared at Elizabeth. "What the hell are you doing?"

"HELP ME! HELP ME! HELP ME! HELP ME!" Elizabeth screamed as one of Bel's knives cut part of her Varia jacket off. "Actually, you are a tea murderer so you will probably leave to die as soon as you helped me," she sighed. "If only Boss realized what a stupid faggot you are…"

Levi got out his parabolas and glared at her.

"FUUUUUUUU-"

"Oi, trash," everybody turned to see Xanxus in the doorway, guns in his hands. "What the fuck are you doing?"

This time Elizabeth did not cry for help like the innocent person she wasn't for that would make her boss think she was a pathetic human being and instead racked her brain for a different answer. "Err, the chandelier looked lonely so I decided to give it a hug…?" she eventually answered uncertainly. Xanxus gave her a look that said 'What the fuck are you on about you stupid bitch?'. Yes, a look said ALL of that. Elizabeth let out a sigh. At the moment she had three options: 1. Be killed by Squalo and/or possibly Bel. 2. Stay on the ceiling for the rest of her life and slowly starve to death with a chandelier as her only friend. 3. Do something completely and utterly insane which will almost certainly cause her death BUT SHALL MEAN SHE HAS NO REGRETS WHEN SHE DOES DIE! "Okay, number 1 is stupid and number 2 will mean I shall be a loner for the rest of my pitiful life so I guess it's number 3!" she grinned. "1…2…3…LOOK OUT BELOW BITCHES!" she shrieked as she jumped down from the chandelier flying gracefully (she wishes!) down and landing on…

"BOOOOOOOOSSSSSS!" Levi yelled as Elizabeth crashed into Xanxus's chest, knocking the two to the floor. Everybody froze.

"MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!" Elizabeth grinned as she sat up; Xanxus's trapped underneath her. "Boss IS a very good cushion after all!"

"Peasant…" Bel stared at her with fearful eyes, counting himself lucky that nobody could see them.

Click.

"WAIT!" the girl got off him instantly upon hearing him get ready to shoot his guns at her. "ALTHOUGH YOU NATURALLY HAVE THE URGE TO KILL ME, THERE ARE MORE PRESSING MATTERS AT HAND!" she picked up the steak with the pink icing on it. "LEVI RUINED YOUR FOOD!"

"WHAT?" Levi took a look at the steak and paled upon seeing what was written on it, Xanxus stiffening beside him.

It was a completely normal and peaceful morning at the Varia HQ, the birds were tweeting, the servants were gossiping quietly amongst themselves, the faint waft of waffles could be smelt in the air and…

"I DIDN'T DO IT BOSS, I SWEAR! PLEASE BOSS, YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME! NOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOSSSSS!"

Elizabeth watched the scene, amused. "Don't think I've forgotten about you Elizabeth," she spun around to see Squalo glaring at her and Bel sharpening his knives beside him, eager to see the battle.

"Shit!"

_Later_

"I can't believe you captain!" Elizabeth pouted as she and Bel both crouched behind some bushes in front of a mansion. "I mean, you didn't even help me when that girly sharkie got out his box weapon! It's like you want me to die!"

"Ushi shi shi, the perverted freak helped you, didn't he?" Bel grinned, twirling his knives expertly. Elizabeth gasped.

"Don't call Luss-nee by such names!" she hissed. "He loves us very much as children even though our family is falling apart!"

"The prince shall call them whatever he pleases," the blonde replied.

"BITCH NO!"

"VOOOOOIIIIIIII! SHUT UP YOU TWO! WE ARE ON A MISSION!" Squalo yelled at them, making all of the lower down Varia members around him cover their ears.

"Please Squ-chan, we are on a mission, be quiet!" Lussuria tutted. Squalo glared at the man but said nothing in response.

"HAH! You just got one upped!" Elizabeth started to giggle loudly so Levi, who was hovering nearby, depressed about what had happened between him and his boss, clamped a hand over her mouth roughly.

"Shut up brat or I'll kill you!" he snapped. Elizabeth struggled in his grip for a few moments before going completely still. "OW!" Levi cried out as he felt a sharp pain in his hand and removed it from the girl's mouth. "You bit me!" he cried incredulously.

"You don't say you fucking rapist!" Elizabeth's eyes darkened. "Touch me again and I will END you."

"The peasant is getting feisty~!" Bel sang, throwing and arm over her shoulders. He then turned to Levi. "Touch her and the prince will make you wish you had never been born."

"Awwwww, that is sooooooooo SWEET!" Lussuria cooed. "The big brother is standing up for his sister!"

"Awwwww, I totally like un-disown you now captain Bel!" Elizabeth hugged the blonde quickly before going back to glaring at Levi.

"Ah, so we are a family again," Fran noted, obviously bored out of his mind with the whole thing. Or was he interested? Meh, who knows when it comes to him…

"RIGHT! EVERYBODY MOVE OUT!" Squalo yelled and the underlings raced into the mansion to find a mob of men clad in black suits awaiting them, each holding machine guns. The underlings were all obliterated in a few moments with the exception of a few who were also heavily injured. The Varia officers and Elizabeth then walked in.

"Ara, they were all defeated so easily?" Lussuria looked at the pile of dead bodies before walking on them, crushing a few of their skulls.

"This is why I told Squ-chan to bring people who could actually USE box weapons," Elizabeth huffed as she walked in before stopping.

"H-help me…" a survivor whispered, clinging to her leg. Elizabeth kicked them away, a disgusted look on her face. (Whoa, dark Eliza-chan much?)

"Weaklings," Bel muttered, throwing a knife at them.

"VOOOOOIIIIIIIIII!" Squalo glared at the pile of dead Varia members. "They shouldn't have been defeated so easily! These bastards knew we were coming!"

"Well who wouldn't with you screaming outside?" Elizabeth turned to face him, fully aware of the fact that the men in black suits were waiting for them to make the first move. "It's like you're holding up a big banner saying 'THE VARIA AND THE GIRLY SHARK WOMAN WHO IS MODERATLY FAMOUS HAS COME TO SLAUGHTER YOU SO DON'T PREPARE YOURSELVES PLEASE!'"

"VOOOOOIIIIII! THAT WASN'T JUST ME!" the man yelled in protest.

"Well, I guess Levi was shouting as well but I hardly count him as one of the Varia members so he can go burn in hell," the girl glared at Levi savagely before turning back to the men pointing guns at them. "Hmm, they look familiar…"

"They look like mafia members?" Fran suggested, cocking his head to the side. This nearly made him fall over since he was wearing such a big frog hat.

"No…" Elizabeth furrowed her brows.

"Ushi shi shi, like dead bodies 'cause that's what they will be in a second~!" Bel laughed.

"No…"

"Almost like my perfect man because they will be in a second," Lussuria winked at their enemies.

"AH! THAT'S IT!" Elizabeth hit her right hand into her left hand.

"You like the same type of man as me?" Lussuria looked horrified. "That means we are going to have to fight over them! Oh, GOD NO!"

"No, I prefer alive men," Elizabeth reassured him before looking at the mob suspiciously. "You are the men in black aren't you?"

"VOOOOOIIIIIIIIII!" Squalo pointed his sword at her. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON?"

"Tea and my awesome imagination," Elizabeth told him seriously. "After all, a creative imagination is what makes the world go round!"

"And killing," Bel added.

"I didn't say that?" Elizabeth frowned. "I was sure I did…I must have imagined it…"

"Wow, you really do have an overactive imagination Cute-sempai," Fran applauded.

"Well, thank ya my dear frog!" the girl grinned before looking at the mob of men again. "So, about you being the men in black…"

"VOOOOOOOIIIIIIIII! THEY ARE NOT THE FUCKING MEN IN BLACK!" Squalo roared.

"So, you aren't going to neuralyze me are you?" Elizabeth ignored her superior as she walked up to one of the men and gazed at him, fascinated. "I mean, is there something special about this place? Are there aliens? ARE THEY SEXY?"

"Didn't you read the mission brief?" Bel asked her, obviously amused by his lieutenant's behavior.

"Psh, who do you think I am, some sort of librarian?" Elizabeth scoffed. "Of course I didn't read the stupid mission brief! I am not paid to read such things, I am paid to K-I-L-L KILL! Anyway, Squ-chan does that stuff for me."

"Stupid brat," Levi muttered before clearing his throat. "We are here to annihilate a family that opposes that Vongola by any means necessary."

The girl began to applaud. "Amazing, what do you want, a medal?" Elizabeth shot another glare at him.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIII! STOP CHATTING AND KILL THE STUPID GUYS!" Squalo howled as he lit his Varia ring and slammed it into his box. "Grande Pioggia Squalo!" he roared as a shark covered in blue rain flames emerged from the box. "ATTACK THEM ALO!" he ordered and the shark flew towards his enemies. As if on cue, every single one of them brought out weapons from their boxes, each one covered in flames.

"Wow," Elizabeth clapped slowly and mockingly along with Fran. "Alo."

"VOOOOOIIIIIIII! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT NAME?" Squalo shouted defensively. He rather liked the nickname he had given his box weapon.

"Oh, I dunno," the girl grinned. "It really displays your…manliness."

"More like lack of it," Bel snorted making Levi chuckle slightly.

"OH DON'T YOU SAY ANYTHING!" Elizabeth placed her hands on her hips. "At least he is an epically sexy female who I would actually consider going lesbian for unlike you who no man would even consider nailing! And by man I mean B-O-S-S BOSS!"

Levi stared at her, dumbfounded. "VOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIII! I AM NOT A FUCKING GIRL!" Squalo hollered.

"And I am a crossing dressing man who is secretly trying to win Luss-nee's affections," Elizabeth winked at Lussuria making him blush before turning back to Squalo. "Just accept who you are already!"

"I WILL KILL YO-"

"Long haired commander, although your argument is fascinating, shouldn't we be defeating these guys first?" Fran asked him, watching as Squalo's box weapon was attacked by the mob of men in black suits.

"Silly Fran!" Elizabeth laughed. "That would mean that we would be doing our job! Wait, that came out wrong…"

"Ushi shi shi, killing time~!" Bel sang, get out his box. "Visone Tempesta!"

His white mink with it's tail cloaked in storm flames whizzed out of the box and settled itself on it's masters shoulders. "Ah, a weasel appeared," Fran commented dryly. Cue knife flying at the boy with growling from he mink.

"Aww, it's soooooo cute!" Elizabeth cooed before grinning smugly. "But nothing beats my Cowee di Tempesta!" she brought out her box and shoved her storm flames into it making the animal appear.

"Moo," Cowee di Tempesta began to eat some grass.

"Ain't Mary the cutest thing you ever did see?" the box weapon's master stroked it's head lovingly.

"Ushi shi shi, it's PATHETIC!" Bel laughed.

"Shi shi shi!" Mink giggled in agreement.

"Oh you're just jealous cause my box weapon is more epic than your one!" Elizabeth stuck out her tongue.

"Moo!" Mary nodded their head in agreement before going back to eating grass.

"Torpedine Fulmine!" Levi roared as a huge electric ray appeared. "FOR BOSS!" he yelled as he charged into the enemies, Elizabeth and Bel still arguing about whose box weapon was the most awesome.

"My, my, I guess my poor Pavone del Sereno won't be useful in a battle like this so I guess I'll hang back for now~!" Lussuria sang before beginning to walk out of the mansion. "Have fun and make sure you kill a load of people!"

"I don't feel like fighting either," Fran muttered and simply watched the fight from the sidelines.

"MARY IS THE MOST COOL THING IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!" Elizabeth shrieked at her captain as her box weapon continued to eat grass.

"The prince's Mink is far superior to that smelly cow," Bel scoffed, Mink nodding in agreement.

"HOW DARE YOU CALL MARY A SMELLY COW!"

"It's the truth peasant~!"

Whilst the two continued their argument, a man snuck up behind Elizabeth and was about to stab her when…

"MOOOOOO!" Cowee di Tempesta launched into action and defended it's master from the blow before falling down on the floor, it's flames beginning to disappear.

"MARY NOOOOOOOOO!" Elizabeth screamed and knelt down beside her box weapon. "Mary, don't die! DON'T DIE!"

"M-moo," Mary mooed weakly before falling limp and then returning inside the girl's box. Elizabeth stood up and glared at the man who had attacked her box weapon, the look in her eyes dark.

"You killed Mary," she whispered harshly, taking out two more boxes.

"I don't think box weapons can die Cute-sempai," Fran pointed out but the girl ignored him. She pushed her ring into the first box and a whirl of storm flames appeared before the outline of a huge animal standing on four legs appeared.

"Lupo Tempesta," she announced as a white wolf appeared, storm flames on their tail and feet. It growled menacingly at the man who had tried to kill their master and launched themselves at him; their mouth wide open to reveal its fangs. As soon as they bit them on the arm, storm flames erupted from around the bite mark, engulfing the man in red fire. "Malati mordere," Elizabeth named the attack (Diseased/sick bite), not even batting her eyelashes as the man withered around in pain on the floor, screaming. Her box weapon then returned to her side and licked her hand affectionately. "Who has got the coolest box weapon now huh PRINCE?" Elizabeth looked triumphantly over at her captain, her wolf mimicking the action.

"…" Bel hated to admit it but goddamit did that wolf look awesome.

"Aww, good girl Lupo! Good girl!" Elizabeth cooed. "Who's a good doggy? Who's a good doggy? You are! Yes you are!"

Lupo wagged her storm flame covered tail happily and continued to lick the girl's hand. "Peasant…it's not a dog," Bel informed her.

"Silly captain!" she laughed. "What else would it be? A wolf?"

"She's an idiot. A real idiot," Squalo, Levi and Bel all thought as Fran looked on, sipping some orange juice (DAMNIT! WHERE IS HE GETTING ALL THESE DRINKS FROM?).

"What about that other box Cute-sempai?" the illusionist asked, pointing to the girl's other red box with the words 'DANGER: THE AWESOMENESS MAY FRY YOUR BRAIN IF YOU ARE NOT PREPARED!' printed on it.

"Oh…that one…" Elizabeth grinned evilly. "I only reserve this box for when I am seriously pissed off," flames erupted from her storm ring making her wolf jump to the side to avoid being burnt. "Lupo, stay out of the way," she ordered and the wolf nodded in response before racing behind Bel, using him as a human shield (like master like box weapon XD!). Elizabeth then put her ring into the box, forcing the flames inside. A stream of storm flames then shot into the air before breaking apart and falling down again.

"S-swords?" Squalo blinked in surprise as he saw the six swords fall towards the girl who caught them in a very…strange manner. The first two swords she 'caught' with her feet, flipping backwards landing so that the blades stuck under her feet. The next she caught in her left hand and the one after in her right hand. She then balanced the next one across those two's blades. Finally she caught the last in her mouth. Squalo squinted his eyes to see a thing layer of storm flames covering the swords.

"Wow, that is actually impressive," Fran said in his usual monotone voice that made you wonder whether he was being sarcastic or not.

"Hank ho," Elizabeth smiled at him making everybody blink in confusion.

"What did you say Cute-sempai?" Fran stroked his chin, contemplating something. "Ah, shank who?"

"I hed hank ho!" the girl repeated, her sword still in her mouth.

"I head shank who?" the illusionist blinked. "Cute-sempai, I really can't understand you when you have a sword in your mouth.

"Hever hind," she sighed before grinning at her opponents. "Hehare ho hi hutherhukers!"

"He hare who lie other chuckers?" Fran wondered, not seeming to understand her at all. The girl ignored him as she charged into the mob of enemies. She kicked the swords underneath her feet up into the air, slashing through two men's chests and making blood spurt out. The sword that she had balanced across two others was now almost always in the air or being thrown into opponents with accurate precision. And the one in her mouth was also constantly in use as well, quite the scary sight indeed. The thin layer of storm flames also came into play as well, the merest touch burning her enemies with a flame that could not be extinguished. After a while, Squalo made a grunt of realization.

"Sei spada arte!" he exclaimed.

"Six sword art," Fran translated. Even thought he was supposed to be speaking Italian…SCREW LOGIC! "Isn't that like a really famous sword style?"

"Yeah but it takes decades to master normally," Squalo eyed the girl curiously. He remembered fighting a young boy who had learnt such a style a few years ago and it was obvious that he did not know how to use it properly. The boy's master had refused to fight him afterwards after the sword emperor had realized the boy had not mastered it yet and his curiosity about the true strength of the style had plagued his mind for a few weeks afterwards. And then he had pushed it to the back of his mind. Cause he's forgetful like that. Anyway, he couldn't quite believe that another user , who could in fact use it properly unlike the young boy, had been so close to him this whole time and he couldn't believe that the user was…the idiot Elizabeth.

"Ushi shi shi~!" Bel laughed, now even more intrigued about how the girl had managed to become an assassin and how she had learnt to fight so well. Just then, Elizabeth finished killing their opponents and the pile of dead bodies had grown even larger than before. "So, the peasant knows how to fight with swords as well~!"

"It takes so much effort though!" she complained, walking towards Lupo as she returned her weapons to inside the box. "I mean, with guns you only have to pull a trigger and BAM! They are dead."

"VOOOOOIIIIIIII!" Squalo marched up to her. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US THAT YOU KNEW HOW TO FIGHT WITH SWORDS?"

Elizabeth shrugged. "You never asked."

"WHY THE HELL WOULD I THINK OF EVEN ASKING?" he hollered, the girl infuriating him to no end.

"Ah, is the battle over now?" Lussuria asked, strolling back into the mansion casually. He then emitted a high-pitched scream. "ELIZA-CHAN! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR CLOTHES?"

The girl in question looked down at her outfit to see it caked in blood, Lupo calmly licking it off her. "Lupo, stop that!" she snapped. "A dog of a high pedigree such as yourself should not lower themselves to devouring the blood of a low class Mafioso man, even if they are one of the men in black!"

Lupo's wagging tail slowed slightly as they nodded their head slowly. "Oh my, what a cute little dog!" Lussuria raced up to Lupo and scratched them behind the ears before scanning a critical eye over Elizabeth again. "Well, I suppose you pull off the 'psychotic killer' look well but I can only think of the mess on the carpet back at HQ when we get there," he eventually told her, begrudgingly.

"VOOOOOIIIIIIII! THAT THING OVER THERE," Squalo pointed to Lupo whose ears perked up instantly. "IS NOT A DOG!"

"But Squ-chan, what else would it be?" Lussuria asked him, finding Lupo absolutely adorable having not seen the way they had brutally killed a man a few moments ago.

"IT'S A FRICKEN WOLF!" the strategy commander howled. Lupo then snapped her head up and glared at Squalo with their bright red eyes, growling softly.

"Ah, don't worry cute dog-chan, Squ-chan isn't an enemy!" Lussuria reassured the wolf who instantly softened her expression and wagged their tail quicker again.

"Ushi shi shi, define ENEMY," Bel grinned in unison with Mink as Lussuria fussed over Lupo, Elizabeth trying to get some of the blood off of her clothes.

"DAMMIT! WHY SO MUCH BLOOD?" she complained. She was certain that all those human bodies wouldn't give out that much blood but alas this is a fanfic therefore each body must have a significant amount more than the normal human being. "I AM NOT A FRICKEN VAMPIRE SO WHY ARE THEY ALL SEEMING TO OFFER UP BLOOD TO ME?" she then paused and eyed Bel thoughtfully. "Captain on the other hand…"

"We need to get back right away," Levi, having realized he had said nothing for an extended period of time, told the group. "Boss needs a report."

"THE REPORT CAN WAIT!" Elizabeth suddenly rushed over to Lupo and held her face in her hands. "Lupo," she choked out. "We lost…a very valuable member of our team today, somebody we will all…." Her eyes brimmed with tears. "MISS! NOOOOOO! COWEE DI TEMPESTA!" she hugged the wolf who howled mournfully.

"Cute-sempai, box weapons can't actually die," Fran reminded her (AGAIN) but the girl continued to sob loudly along with the wolf howling sadly. Bel rolled his eyes underneath his bangs as he sent Mink back into their box before picking Elizabeth up and throwing her over his shoulder, a standard way of transporting his lieutenant from place to place now, Lupo growling at him as he did so.

"Ushi shi shi, let's GO peasant."

"Well, in my point of view, I don't really have a choice in the matter now do I?" Elizabeth huffed, Lupo trying to bite Bel's ankles so that he let her master down. "No, BAD doggy! BAD doggy! Captain Bel here is my source of income and you don't want me to be broke now do you?"

Lupo shook her head.

"Good doggy. Now, into your box palace you go~!" Elizabeth smiled as Lupo returned into her box before glaring at Bel. "Do you really feel the need to pick me up all the time?" she asked.

"The prince shall do as he pleases," her captain responded instantly. Elizabeth frowned again before smirking.

"Well, the PEASANT is sorry to inform you that you are now covered in blood because of MOI!"

Bel looked down at his now blood covered clothes before turning to Elizabeth who was smirking triumphantly. "Ushi shi shi, what's this about me being your source of income again?" he grinned as his lieutenant realized what he was talking about.

"Fuck!"

**Elizabeth: NOOOOOOO! NOT MY MOOONNNNNEEEEYYYYY!**

**Discoabc: You are sounding like Mammon now LOL!**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi, that's what the peasant gets for dirtying the prince's clothes~!**

**Squalo: VOOOOOIIIIII! WHY IS THAT BRAT SO STRONG?**

**Elizabeth: Because I rock!**

**Discoabc: Meh, I felt the urge to make her stronger. She is epic after all.**

**Lupo: *Wags tail cutely***

**Lussuria: AWWWWW! SHE IS SO CUTE!**

**Fran: Even thought she killed a man in cold blood….**

**Lussuria: Did you say something Fran?**

**Fran: No, nothing….does this fic even have a plotline?**

**Discoabc: Err…I think so?**

**Elizabeth *Gasp* you didn't think out a plotline? NOT EVEN FOR ME?**

**Discoabc: Well…I sort of have one but I dunno how to finish this thing off…**

**Xanxus: Useless trash**

**Discoabc: Oh, I heart you too Xanxy!**

**Squalo: Xanxy? *Starts laughing***

**Levi: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING TO THE BOSS'S NAME?**

**Discoabc: *Sighs* so obvious who is the real fan of Xanxy here…**

**Lussuria: Review all you cute little readers! Review for your darling Luss-nee~!**

**Bel: Perverted freak…**

**Elizabeth: OI!**

**Discoabc: OI!**

**Lupo: *Glares at Bel and bares teeth***

**Lussuria: I feel loved ^-^**

**Bel: Err…bye bi?**

**Discoabc: I am still going to France peeps, I just have time to write another chappie so I guess this is FAREWELL! For two weeks :)**


	8. Double the trouble!

**Hey guys! This is Discoabc who has (probably) already gotten back from France but has written this there (here for me) ! So…bonjour I guess! *Sigh* I love French food…especially their desserts…hearts…LOL LOL LOL LOL! My granddad, who has just turned 80 peeps, was looking at my Color Reborn book (743 yen bitches! Jk, jk, I would never call you my bitches. I heart you guys :) ) and he said that Bel, 26 year old version, looked 7-8. And I laughed. A lot. As you can see from the LOL's. Shout outs!**

**Soul Vrazy: DON'T DIE! BYAKURAN! HELP THEM GODAMMIT! Oh and I am going to one up a flashback about Elizabeth, one up them my friend *laughs evilly* but we will find out about her past. One way or another. *Laughs evilly again and then chokes on tea***

**ShinigamiinPeru: Pure epicness? HELL YEAH *pumps fists in air* for some reason I'm now addicted to the words you just said along with darling. Darling~! Oh and I can truthfully tell you that the cheesecake was epic. Even though I said earlier that I wrote this while in France. Confusing? MUWHAHAHAHAHA!**

**LoStInIiLuSiOn: Fran…just rocks. Nobody will ever know what he is ever thinking and if they do I will be first in line to hear what it is! And his magic drink powers…I want them…and Elizabeth liking tea is probably because of me cause I drink it non-stop…HURRAY FOR TEEEEEEEAAAAAAA! And, of course, black coffee XD. And Xanxus…your words describe him perfectly. I could do no better justice to him *bows to you* And Elizabeth is good at making Bel speechless. Along with everyone else. (Elizabeth: It's a talent, I know!) NOOOOO! Your letter broke! I shall mourn for your loss :( And Luss-nee and Eliza-chan do actually believe Lupo is a doggie. And are they idiots? VERY MUCH SO! And awesome is an awesome word. IT NEEDS MORE LOVE! MORE LOVE!**

**Guest: Awwww, you are making me blush ^-^ Just kidding, I WILL NOT BLUSH SO EASILY! I WILL NOT! Sorry, sugar rush~! And you find the Cute-sempai thing hilarious? I consider that a WIN!**

**Crazyblondefanficitonlover10 1: If we knew each other we most definitely would cause worldly chaos! Not that I already haven't…XD! Yes, me and the fluffy bunnies are in an alliance. We shall rule the world! WE SHALL! And this story is now godly? I feel as if I have gone up a few levels! *plays Mario music then stops because I suck at it* NO! NOT THE BRAIN CELLS! NOOOOOOOO! I discovered that I lose more common sense when I hit my head instead of losing brain cells so who knows, maybe you are one of the lucky ones like me…XD! Oh and darling, you aren't horrible for forgetting something in a review! At least you remembered it unlike me aunt who only now gave me my Christmas present…and I love the picture for the fic as well. I found it randomly and I just thought OMG, IT DESCRIBES ME PERFECTLY! I use it as my author thing too XD.**

**Mistress of Madness: NO! DON'T DIE! BYAKURAN, COME SAVE ANOTHER OF MY READERS! AND QUICKLY! Oh and your name officially rocks. I want it…**

**Wow, so many reviews O.o AWESOME!**

Chapter 8: Double the trouble!

"VOOOOOIIIIIII! Where the fuck is that stupid Elizabeth?" Squalo yelled as he walked into the sitting room that Bel, Fran and Lussuria were currently occupying.

"Ushi shi shi, you expect the prince to keep track of where all of his subjects are?" Bel replied, throwing a knife at Fran who didn't bother to dodge it and instead let it hit his enormous hat, his expression not changing in the slightest.

"Fake prince-sempai, could you refrain from throwing your idiotic knives in the hat you force me to wear? It's very frustrating," the illusionist told him in his monotone voice. "And, as you can see long haired commander, Cute-sempai is not here."

"Now that you mention it…" Lussuria placed his hand, which by the way was looking fantastic due to him having had a manicure the other day, on his chin thoughtfully. "I haven't seen her all day!"

Fran looked at Bel. "What have you done with her fake prince-sempai? Just admit it, you killed her in cold blood didn't you? Just because she prefers real princes over fake ones, doesn't mean you should have murdered her."

Cue knife thrown through the air.

"Ushi shi shi, die froggie," the blonde hissed. "I am a REAL prince."

"A prince?" everybody turned to see Elizabeth standing in the doorway, her eyes sparkling.

"VOOOOIIII! Where the hell have you been?" Squalo roared angrily as he marched towards her. Part of his mind registered the fact that she was looking…shorter than usual but the annoyance of having her skip a meeting made him ignore the thought and concentrate on KILLING her. "You were meant to be in that meeting with that shitty boss over an hour ago!"

Elizabeth looked up at him with her luminous green eyes, which were looking slightly bigger than usual, innocently. "My mummy says that you shouldn't use words like that even though my cousin does a lot. She doesn't like my cousin very much but since she gets the most money out of all our family she can't really complain about it to her," she told him, clutching a teddy bear that Squalo hadn't even noticed a few seconds ago.

"What the fuck are you on about?" the man stared at her, Elizabeth Julietançe, the girl who swore enough to make grown men cry with shame, the girl who hadn't even talked about her (real) family, the girl who hardly cared at all about what others thought of her!

"Ah! You said a bad word again," the teddy bear wielding girl put her hands on her hips. "Mummy won't be pleased at all when she finds out!"

"That's right!" Lussuria shot a glare at Squalo as he walked towards Elizabeth. "Now, honey, don't you worry, Luss-nee's going to wash out Squ-chan's mouth at once!"

"Ushi shi shi~! Make sure you use plenty of soap," Bel grinned as he also walked towards the girl, meaning to sling his arm around her shoulders as he usually did. Meh, she was a comfortable armrest. He then realized that she was far too small and raised his eyebrows, confused.

"Hey," the brunette looked up at the blonde, her eyes sparkling. "You are a prince aren't you?"

"Ushi shi shi, what else would I be?" Bel laughed, still wondering why the hell his lieutenant was so small.

"A…real…prince…" Elizabeth breathed, her whole face lighting up. "I've decided."

"What is it sweetheart?" Lussuria asked her, in the middle of sticking some soap in Squalo's mouth.

"I'm going to marry him!"

Silence.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Squalo, who had escaped Lussuria's grasp, began to laugh uncontrollably, holding onto a nearby sofa for support. "I can't believe she just said that!" (Okay, Squalo has officially lost it...)

"Ah, I think you broke fake prince-sempai," Fran remarked, walking over to the blonde man who was completely still, desperately trying to make sense of what the girl had just said.

"Eliza-chan…" Lussuria stared at the girl. "Are you sure you want to make such a commitment? Shouldn't you be going slower? Why don't you date first and see whether you like him? Wait; if you want to marry him then have you guys been dating already? Behind my back? And if you were dating, does that mean…" he emitted a high pitched scream. "My baby, how could you lose your innocence to HIM?"

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Squalo laughed even harder.

"Wow, I never knew you had gone so far Cute-sempai," Fran drawled, eyeing the girl with mild amusement. "But knowing fake prince-sempai, it was probably terrible."

"Eliza-chan! Why? Why? Why? WHY?" Lussuria began to hyperventilate. "You aren't pregnant are you? Dear god, tell my you aren't pregnant!"

"That would mean there would be tons of little fake prince-sempai's and cute-sempai's," Fran remarked. "That would be annoying…"

"Elizabeth, there you are!" everybody, apart from Bel since he was too busy thinking WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED, turned to see a familiar brunette race into the room and scoop up Elizabeth in her arms, an easy task due to the fact she was extremely small now. "I've been looking all over for you!"

"Two…Eliza-chan's?" Lussuria stared at the two girls, dumbfounded.

"A little Cute-sempai?" Fran blinked. "So, she's already given birth…"

"Eliza-can NO!" Lussuria went back to hyperventilating.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Squalo continued laughing.

The taller Elizabeth blinked. "Did something happen?" she asked. "Why is captain Bel not moving?"

"Because you told Fake prince sempai that you were going to marry him, Fran explained. The taller Elizabeth blinked again.

"I'm marrying him? Well, this is the first time I heard about this!" she then looked to Bel again. "I want a HUGE cake you hear me? A HUGE CAKE!

"And, you gave birth," Fran told her.

"I gave birth? Holy crap, I really have missed a lot!"

"You are marrying Prince-kun?" the smaller Elizabeth asked the girl holding her, her eyes widening.

"Apparently!" the taller replied.

"BUT I WANT TO MARRY HIM!" the brunette wailed and began to thrash about in the taller one's arms. "I WANT TO MARRY HIM! I WANT TO MARRY HIM! I WANT TO MARRY HIM!"

"Geez, calm yourself girl! You can have him if you want!" she then leaned closer to her. "But I really wouldn't if I were you. He seems to be all against the whole huge cake thing."

"YAY! You are the best cousin in the world Elizabeth!" the short girl hugged her.

"Cousin?" Squalo, Fran and Lussuria all said in unison.

"Yep, cousin," the smaller Elizabeth smiled happily.

"OH THANK GOD!" Lussuria sat down in a nearby sofa, sighing in relief.

"Mummy says that god doesn't exist," the Elizabeth-who-was-not-Elizabeth piped up as the real Elizabeth let her down on the floor. "She says that if he did exist then my daddy would have come home a long time ago. He's a soldier you know and he fights the bad guys! I really love him but mummy says that he can't come home since he's on a really important mission somewhere with my granddad. But I think my granddad is a vampire since why else would he be put in a coffin?"

"Haha, he's such a joker Elizabeth junior, such a joker…" Elizabeth sighed, ruffling the girl's hair.

"Elizabeth…junior?" Squalo raised his eyebrows.

"Well, I have to keep the good family name going SOMEHOW now don't I?" Elizabeth flicked her hair backwards dramatically as Elizabeth Jr raced over to Bel and put her hand in his, her huge eyes filled with adoration. "Awwwww, ain't she cute?"

Bel suddenly snapped out of his trance and saw Elizabeth Jr smiling happily up at him. He then saw Elizabeth who was cooing at him and her cousin. "Ushi shi shi, what is THIS peasant?" he asked, indicating to Elizabeth Jr.

"Your fiancé apparently," the girl replied, resting her head on her hand as she sat down on the same sofa Lussuria was sitting on. "Won't that mean I'll sort of be your cousin (no idea what you call them. Your cousin in law?) ?"

"You'll be a real family!" Lussuria squealed happily. Bel tried to shake Elizabeth Jr off his hand but the small girl didn't move an inch, not even seeming to notice that the blonde was trying to get rid of her.

"I am not marrying this peasant!" Bel eventually hissed, considering whether he should cut off the young girl's arm instead of shaking her away.

"Sorry captain but when an eight year old decides that they are going to marry you, they get awfully attached," Elizabeth told him. "And anyway, you two look sooooooooo cute!"

"That's right Prince-kun!" Elizabeth Jr nodded furiously. "And I don't want to marry anybody else anyway! None of them are as cool or as amazing as you, and you are a prince!"

"Were you like this as a kid Eliza-chan?" Lussuria asked, finding Elizabeth Jr absolutely adorable!

"Nah, I never wanted to marry a prince," the young woman looked off into the distance. "I would never sell myself so low! It was always a king for me, always a king!"

"Ah, rejection is hard isn't it fake prince-sempai?" Fran drawled before preparing himself for a knife to be thrown his way. Which didn't happen. Surprisingly. He looked at Bel who was glaring daggers at him from underneath his bangs. Then it hit him. "So fake prince-sempai actually cares about kids feeling and won't use violence in front of them…"

"Awwwww, that's so sweet Bel-chan!" Lussuria cooed. "You don't want an innocent child to witness such a sight!"

Just then Levi walked into the room making Elizabeth Jr scream. "PRINCE-KUN! HELP ME! IT'S A RAPIST!" she buried her head into Bel's chest (Lucky bitch…) as if to hide from the man.

"So much for being innocent," Fran commented as Elizabeth began to laugh insanely.

"I taught you well young one, I taught you well," she giggled before racing up to her cousin to give her a huge. She then realized that she couldn't due to the fact that her cousin was busy hiding herself in Bel's chest (once again, she is one lucky bitch…). Elizabeth pointed her finger at her captain accusingly. "You stole my hug!"

"What is this brat doing in here?" Levi boomed, reaching for his parabolas. The last kid who had been in here was that 27 year old stuck in a kid's body bastard who had annoyed to hell out of everyone. He was going to kill this kid before any fireworks could occur.

"Marrying fake prince-sempai apparently," Fran muttered before turning to Elizabeth. "What is she actually doing here?"

"Well, you see," Elizabeth didn't stop glaring at Bel as she sat down. "My cousin lives here in Italy and today is 'Bring your child to work day' but since my auntie, her mum, is unemployed, I'm taking her to work instead!"

"VOOOOIIIIII!" Squalo yelled, having regained his sanity. "You brought a KID to WORK?"

"No, I brought an alien," Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Keep up Squ-chan!"

"YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSASSIN!" Squalo hollered. Elizabeth Jr burst into tears.

"P-Prince-kuuuunnn! T-there *hic* is a rapist in the room and the longhaired girl won't *hic* stop using the words m-mummy said I shouldn't uuuuuuuse!" she sobbed.

"VOOOOIIIII! I AM NOT A GIRL!"

"Ushi shi shi, how about I kill them both then?" Bel grinned. He was itching to kill the two of them, not for Elizabeth Jr's sake but for his own satisfaction. He hadn't killed anyone in a while and his stress levels were kinda building up. He's twenty-six people, can't he be having a mini crisis goddamit?

"Captain, please don't," Elizabeth drawled. "I promised my aunt that I wouldn't expose her to such violent practices even if they do deserve it. Apart from Squ-chan. Because he is a female shark and I am against animal cruelty!" she pumped her fist in the air.

"I-I'm against animal cruelty t-too," Elizabeth Jr sniffed.

"See? Now EVERYBODY is happy," Elizabeth scanned her eyes across the room. "EVERYBODY."

"Boss won't be happy," Levi told the group, his eyes narrowing. Elizabeth slammed her fists down on a nearby table. "I SAID HAPPY GODDAMIT! HAPPY!"

"Mummy says that you should think one happy thought everyday to go to heaven," the young girl clutching to Bel whispered. "But she says that Elizabeth isn't going to get to heaven even if she is happy everyday."

"Awwwww, I love her too!" Elizabeth replied in such a way that you couldn't quite tell whether she was being sarcastic or not.

"I'm getting Boss," Levi announced before leaving the room.

"Damnit, HE'S NOT HAPPY!" Elizabeth buried her head under a mound of cushions. "Why is my life so unfaaaaaiiiiirrrr?"

"Ushi shi shi, since when is boss ever happy peasant?" Bel laughed making Elizabeth Jr squeal. Yes, she just did that. A few moments later the door to the living room was destroyed by Levi crashing into it, everyone watching on with mild interest. Since it was obvious who had caused him to be injured. OBVIOUS.

"Boss…why?" Levi fell unconscious as Xanxus walked into the room, guns in hand.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Elizabeth leapt to her feet and, for a second, made everybody think she actually CARED about Levi's life. For a second. "NOT THE VIOLENCE! NOT IN FRONT OF ELIZABETH JUNIOR! I AM PAYED TO LOOK AFTER HER GODAMMIT! I AM PAAAAAYYYYYEEEEDDDD!"

"Elizabeth!" Elizabeth Jr's eyes welled up with tears. "You are only taking care of me…for the money?"

"…No?"

"Trash," Xanxus spoke before Elizabeth Jr could even start to cry. "What the fuck is this brat doing here?"

"She is asking for your permission, kind boss, to marry Bel," the young woman told him seriously, causing the man to stop for a moment and stare at her, the thought 'THE FUCK?' racing through his head. "I kid, I kid. Bel is in love with her and he is asking my permission to marry her! After all, the girls in my family are awfully old fashioned and want the man to make the first move."

Xanxus turned to Bel. "Trash," he eventually said. "Is this true?

"Ushi shi shi, rest assured boss, I would NEVER marry a peasant like her," Bel glared at Elizabeth Jr from underneath his bangs.

"That means yes," Elizabeth whispered to her cousin before diving underneath the mound of cushions again, whimpering various things like 'don't kill me' and 'I'm sorry', directed at her captain.

"Then get them out of my sight," Xanxus hissed before storming out of the room again.

"Well," Elizabeth smiled brightly after a while. "I think that went rather well actually!"

"So what do we do with Eliza-chan Jr?" Lussuria wondered as the girl in question leapt on a chair and began to play with Bel's hair, much to his frustration.

"Let's tell her all of fake prince-sempai's secrets," Fran suddenly made a huge book appear in front of him and opened it on the first page.

"YAY! I love story time!" Elizabeth sat in front of the illusionist, humming happily to herself.

"Boring," Elizabeth Jr instantly rejected the idea.

"Boring?" Elizabeth's mouth dropped open. "B-but, story time is NEVER boring!"

"It is when you are in the presence of a prince," her cousin replied making Bel's mouth quirk up slightly at the corner. It seemed that some people really knew how to treat royalty unlike the peasants who lived here!

"But captain doesn't mind, does he?" Elizabeth looked at Bel with the most adorable eyes she could manage, the kind that made even the toughest criminals melt.

"Ushi shi shi, the prince minds. A lot."

Well, apparently it doesn't work on blonde princes. Hell.

"This isn't faaaaaiiiiiirrrrrrrrr!" Elizabeth wailed.

"Agreed," Fran nodded. He had been looking forward to showing up Bel…

"I know!" Lussuria clapped his hands excitedly before turning to Elizabeth Jr. "Do you want to go to the playground Eliza-chan? I heard that it's amazing!"

"Uh, HELL YEAH!" Elizabeth pumped her fists in the air, thinking the man had been talking to her. "LET'S GOOOO!" But before she could even take one step, Squalo threw her over his shoulder, waving his sword around threateningly as he did so (honestly, I feel sorry for Eliza-chan sometimes, everybody throwing her around like that…)

"VOOOOOIIIIIII! Don't think I've forgotten about you missing that meeting you brat!" he yelled angrily. "You are coming with ME!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Elizabeth wailed, punching the assassins back in protest. "BUT I WANNA GO TO THE PLAYGROUND!"

"VOOOOIIIIII! YOU ARE TWENTY-SIX YEARS OLD!"

"I STILL WANNA GO!" the girl's protests got quieter and quieter as Squalo carried her away, the rest of the group (excluding the knocked out Levi of course) watching her go, not even bothering to help her.

"So, are we all for the playground?" Lussuria asked, contemplating whether he should go help his beloved 'daughter' or pamper the adorable Elizabeth Jr. He chose the latter. So much less energy involved and less chance of breaking a nail. Elizabeth Jr nodded happily in response to his question. "Good. Now, let's go!" the sun guardian grabbed the unconscious Levi and marched out of the room, Fran following closely behind. Elizabeth Jr jumped down from her chair and grabbed Bel's hand, squeezing it affectionately.

"So, it's our first date then?" she giggled before skipping out of the room, dragging Bel, who was glaring at the young girl, obviously irritated.

"Ushi shi shi, she will die," he thought. "She will actually die."

_At the playground_

"Lussuria-sempai," Fran droned as he swung on a swing, his big frog hat hardly fitting within the two chains holding the swing up.

"Call me Luss-nee," the man replied, admiring his nails.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to let fake prince-sempai take care of Cute-sempai's cousin?" the illusionist wondered in his usual bored fashion.

"I'm sure your brother and Eliza-chan Jr will be fine…" Lussuria let his eyes wander over to where the said two were.

"Prince-kun, I can't get down," Elizabeth Jr admitted as she stood at the top of a climbing frame that was only slightly taller than Bel himself.

"Ushi shi shi, just jump," the blonde replied as he leant against a tree, wishing he was somewhere else.

"Jump?" Elizabeth Jr looked horrified. "B-but it's so…HIGH!" the girl then waited, expecting Bel to say some cheesy line like 'It'll be fine, I'll catch you before you even hit the ground' or 'Don't worry, I won't let any harm come to you'. Obviously, she did not know Bel very well.

"Then you'll be stuck there forever." (Oooh, harsh words Bel, harsh words!)

Elizabeth Jr puffed out her cheeks. "But if I'm stuck here forever then how can I marry you?"

"Ushi shi shi, that's the beauty of it," Bel flashed a smile. "You won't."

The young girl then laughed. "Silly Prince-kun, of course I'm going to marry you! I just need to…get down first," she peered down at the ground, judging the distance again. "If only there was something soft I could jump onto…" her eyes suddenly caught sight of what looked like black clothes lying fairly close to her on the floor. Grinning now, she bent her knees and launched herself into the air, emitting a small high-pitched shriek as she fell before landing on the 'mound of clothes'.

"Boss…" the 'mound of clothes' grunted in pain making Elizabeth Jr leap away from them with fear, Bel laughing insanely as he walked over to her and ruffled the girl's hair.

"Ushi shi shi, nice one peasant~!" he sang as Levi rolled over, his back in excruciating pain from having Elizabeth Jr land on him. Elizabeth Jr beamed happily from the praise.

"Yep, it looks fine…" Lussuria went back to looking at his nails whilst Fran jumped off the swing and landed perfectly. He then got out his phone and texted something quickly before shoving it back in his pocket.

"Huh, what a pretty sky," he murmured quietly. "What a pretty, pretty sky…"

_Back at Varia HQ_

"Squ-chan is so mean!" Elizabeth pouted as she stared at the mound of paperwork before her, wishing it could catch on fire. She then remembered what had happened last time she had done such a thing and quickly pushed the thought out of her mind. Sighing, the young woman picked up a pen and began to write slowly, wondering what her cousin was up to and whether it involved any sort of violence. She had not been lying when she had said that she was going to be paid and although she was earning quite a substantial amount of money already, she could do with some loose change to carry around, especially when she needed to take public transport when following somebody. Elizabeth hated to use the word stalking when describing herself since she was not like those lowlifes who stalked her (she was fairly pretty after all), oh no. She stalked with C-L-A-S-S class!

"_U-G-L-Y you ain't got no alibi, you UGLY hey, hey, you UGLY~!" _Elizabeth sighed in relief as she heard her phone go off and pulled it out of her pocket immediately, pushing the pile of papers away from her. One of these days she was going to prove that she was allergic to such a thing and make Squalo do it for her! After all, he was the most responsible out of them all! Sort of! Hurray! The girl then looked at the text message she had just received.

"Cute-sempai, there is free ic-" she stood up, her eyes widening. "I MUST DEPART IMMEDIATELY!"

Just as she began to race out of the room, Squalo walked in, carrying a mug of the girl's favorite beverage: tea. "Here is your stupid drink bra-" he was cut off as the girl pushed past him, displaying not even a smidgen of fear at the very likely prospect that Squalo would KILL her for abandoning her duties. "VOOOOIIIII! GET BACK HERE!" the man roared as he raced after her, not even noticing that he was still carrying the mug of tea as he ran.

_Nearby the playground_

Bel was going to murder someone. Actually, screw that, he was going to murder THREE people: Elizabeth Jr, Fran and Lussuria. Hell, he could even add Levi to the list and that stupid shark commander too even if it wasn't their fault this had all happened! Elizabeth was safe though since he had recently discovered that having a lieutenant was pretty handy, especially when he had huge mounds of paperwork. Hearts. But anyway, this is getting off track. Bel was going to kill five people. Why?

"So you want one 99 flake, a Twister, a screwball and a coca cola Popsicle?" the ice cream man asked from inside his van.

Yes, this was why. Bel had been asked (forced) to buy ice cream for everyone. Why him? Because apparently he was the 'gentleman' and he had to buy things for his 'fiancée' and his 'friends'. There were so many things wrong with that explanation, so many things wrong. So, here he was, buying ice cream for everyone. Like I said, he was going to kill five people.

"Cash or card?" the ice cream man continued cheerfully, oblivious to Bel's anger.

"Card," Bel hissed, passing the man his super awesome Varia card of which all the money on it was meant to have been paid to Mammon. But wasn't. Because he/she/it was dead. Oh joy! (MAMMON IS A GIRL GODAMMIT! NO MAN COULD LOOK THAT GOOD IN A DRESS THING! APART FROM ALL OF THE KHR CAST BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT!)

"You sure you are going to be okay with all those things mate?" the ice cream man asked as he handed the card back.

"Mate?"

Bel's list of people to kill has now gotten up to six. Mate.

"I mean, that sure is a lot of ice cream for one person to carry. You sure you'll be alright?" the man looked at him worriedly.

"Ushi shi shi, the prince is FINE," Bel snapped and picked up all the things before beginning to stalk back to the group. He made no effort to keep all of them in pristine condition apart from the 99 flake which was his. The prince can only have the best after all~!

"IIIICCCEEEEE CCCCREEEEEAAAAMMMM!"

Bel stopped walking and turned to the left upon hearing the shout.

"IIIICCCCCEEEEE CCCREEEEAAAAAMMMM!"

He blinked. The shouts were getting louder.

"GIMMEE ICE CREAM BIATCH!" a brown blur suddenly appeared out of the bushes and knocked Bel to the floor, all of the ice creams scattered apart from his.

"Ushi shi shi, peasant?" Bel looked up at Elizabeth who was currently positioned on top of him, their faces way too close for the two's personal comfort. "What are you doing here?"

"Fran told me there was free ice cream," the girl flicked her hair dramatically, not moving from the awkward position yet. "Why else would I be here?"

"Fran? Free ice cream?" Bel thought for a moment before growling. Okay, now there were seven people on his list. Fran being killed twice making this possible. Elizabeth suddenly let out a small squeal.

"OMG, ICE CREAM!" her eyes glittered as she saw the food that Bel was carrying in his left hand and made a grab for it. However, the blonde pulled it out of her way just in time.

"Ushi shi shi, get your own peasant," he told her, not in a hurry to give up the ice cream that HE, the prince himself, had bothered to get.

"Hell no!" Elizabeth set her jaw, determined to steal the 99 flake away from her captain, even if it was the last thing she ever did! She made another grab for it and Bel raised it to his lips, grinning.

"It's mine if I lick it," he told her triumphantly.

"NOT IF I LICK IT FIRST!" the young woman pulled it away from his lips, not yielding. The two began to wrestle for the ice cream, each trying to lick it before the other did, both not giving up.

"Prince-kun! Prince-kun!" Elizabeth Jr called but the two twenty-six year olds didn't even seem to notice her, not even when she stumbled across the clearing that the two were currently wrestling for the ice cream in. "KYAAAHHHH!"

Elizabeth and Bel both looked at the girl as their tongues both made contact with the ice cream on either side. (Now, if that was not extremely suggestive about their relationship, I don't know what is!) The two storm types froze upon realizing what had just happened, simply staring at Elizabeth Jr in shock.

"P-prince-kun? E-Elizabeth?" Elizabeth Jr looked as if she was going to burst into tears. "B-but I thought that you l-loved me Prince-kun! I thought that you loved me!"

Elizabeth swiveled her eyes round to Bel and shot him 'How could you' look even though she was partly at fault for this misunderstanding whilst Bel simply shrugged in response. They both did all of that without removing their tongues from the ice cream. Let's just say they were still competitive even though they were obviously both on the losing side. And with that, Elizabeth Jr burst into tears.

"VOOOOIIIIIIIII!" Squalo suddenly burst into the clearing. "YOU BRAT! I'M GOING TO KILL…" he then spotted Elizabeth and Bel's position.

"Hup," Elizabeth tried to say 'sup' but with her tongue out of action, it was pretty impossible.

"What are you two doing?" the longhaired man asked, not seeming to notice the bawling Elizabeth Jr.

"Uhi hi hi~!" Bel tried to laugh but he was in the same predicament as Elizabeth was.

"Hice heam," Elizabeth answered Squalo's question seriously. "Hree hice heam."

"WAAAAAAAAH!" Elizabeth Jr sobbed, racing towards Squalo and hugging him. "P-prince-kun…h-he's c-c-cheating on m-me with…ELIZABETH!" she managed to say between sobs. Squalo stared down at her and began to blush with embarrassment. He hadn't been hugged in a long time, a long, long time…

_Five-year-old Squalo sniffed as he looked down at his bleeding knee, willing the tears not to come. His mum was always telling him that he was a big boy now and Squalo had never seen big boys cry before so he was NOT going to be the first. He was NOT._

"_Squalo, what's wrong?" daddy-Squalo asked as he walked towards his son who was trying hard not to cry._

"_N-nothing," Squalo replied, feeling his tears well up in his eyes. Daddy-Squalo then looked down at the cut on the young boy's knee and knelt down to inspect it closer._

"_That's a nasty cut you've got there soldier, afraid there are only two options for you," he told him in a gruff voice._

"_T-two options?" Squalo whispered, now a little more scared than before._

"_First of all, you could have it amputated," daddy-Squalo told him seriously._

"_Amputated?"_

"_We'll cut it off soldier and replace it with a stick of wood," the man explained._

"_I-I don't want that!" Squalo cried._

"_Well then, here's the second option," daddy-Squalo's voice grew hushed. "It's an untested cure but I think because you are you, it'll work."_

"_I'm ready," the young boy's voice only wavered slightly and as his father went closer to him, he closed his eyes. Suddenly he let out a small yell as he was thrown into the air and caught in a couple of strong arms._

"_Project Hug is a success!" the older man laughed and Squalo couldn't help but laugh as well._

"And then daddy-Squalo died due to a Project Hug failure with his wife and Squalo was left alone without meaningful hugs for the rest of his life."

"VOOOIIIII! What the fuck are you doing here?" Squalo yelled at Fran as he read out of a huge book similar to the one that was supposed to have Bel's secrets in it. Lussuria was standing next to him, dabbing his eyes with a tissue whilst Levi lay on the floor having been dragged there. "And what the hell are you even talking about? That never happened to me!"

"I never knew you were bottling up such pain inside you Squ-chan!" Lussuria sniffed, tears pouring out of his eyes comically. "Ah, Eliza-chan, Bel-chan, what on earth are you doing?"

Elizabeth and Bel were still in the same position, not giving in. "Hive hit hup!" Elizabeth hissed.

"Uhi hi hi, hake he," Bel laughed in response.

"WAAAAAAAAAH!" Elizabeth Jr continued to cry.

"Well, this is awkward," Fran remarked, making the book about Squalo disappear. "Ah, fake-prince-sempai, what did you do with the rest of the ice cream?"

A knife flew at the illusionist. "Uhi hi hi, hi hwill HILL hou hoggie!" Bel hissed. Elizabeth raised her eyebrows.

"Hat hwas himhessive," she told him. "How hid hou ho hat hithhout halling hover?"

"Uhi hi hi, hi ham a hince hafter hall!"

"You didn't tell me about what happened to the ice cream," Fran reminded the blonde who threw more knives at him. "Well, that was rude. And anyway, what about the no violence rule?"

Elizabeth gasped. "HOOOOOOOO! HOT HIOLENCE!"

Squalo then looked down at his hand. "Why the fuck have I got tea?" he threw it behind him. Elizabeth screamed and ran towards the falling mug.

"NOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE TEA!" she shrieked and did a James Bond roll before catching it, not a drop being spilt. "Are you okay baby? I'm sorry Squ-chan nearly killed you. Now he WILL pay!" she glared at the said man.

"*Sniff* I thought *sniff * that you *sniff* were against animal *sniff* CRUELTY!" Elizabeth Jr wailed.

"Oh I am honey," Elizabeth raced over to her cousin and patted her on the head. "But crimes against tea are serious sugar! And I mean SERIOUS SUGAR!"

"Ushi shi shi~!" the girl span around to see Bel grinning at her. "I win~!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Elizabeth fell to her knees. "NOT THE FREE ICE CREAM! NOT THE FREE ICE CREAM!"

"So in the end, fake prince-sempai only got ice cream for himself," Fran commented. "Wow, that is really selfish. I would never act that way to anyone, especially my fiancée."

Elizabeth Jr swung her head round and stared at Fran, romantic music playing in the background.

"Oops, sorry, that's my phone," Lussuria told the group sheepishly, the music blaring through the pink device that was raised to the man's ear. "Hello, Lussuria here!"

Whilst Lussuria began to chat on the phone, Elizabeth Jr turned to Bel. "I-I'm sorry Prince-kun but I'm afraid, things aren't going to work out between us," she whispered. "So…I'm breaking it off."

"Rejected, rejected, you just got rejected! R-E-J-E-C-T-E-D REJECTED!" Elizabeth laughed insanely.

"Rejected by an eight year old," Fran shook his head slowly. "I would say that I feel sorry for you…but I don't."

"So I hope," Elizabeth Jr's eyes were filled with tears. "That you are happy with my cousin!"

Elizabeth and Bel began to choke on air. "WHAT?" they both shouted in disbelief.

"Well, you two were…so I thought that…"

"Tea is the only one for me," Elizabeth hugged her mug close to her chest. "No offense Captain."

"None taken," Bel, who was still sort of choking on air, replied.

"You even got rejected for a hot drink," Fran shook his head.

"Well anyway, I'm seeing someone else now!" Elizabeth Jr told the group brightly. "And we are so very much in love!"

"Awwww, that is so sweet!" Lussuria cooed. "Who is it sweetheart?"

"Froggie-kun!" Elizabeth Jr hugged Fran's arm happily.

Silence.

Fran looked down at the girl who was attached to his arm. "Well, this is awkward."

**Discoabc: And this was all written in France! Apart from the shout outs because…THERE IS NO INTERNET CONNECTION! :( :( :(**

**Elizabeth: My little cousin is a bit…strange.**

**Elizabeth Jr: I LOVE YOU FROGGIE-KUN! I LOVE YOU!**

**Fran: …Cute-sempai, could you please do something about your cousin?**

**Lussuria: Awwwww, you two are soooo cute!**

**Levi: Why am I always the victim? Why?**

**Squalo: VOOOOIIIII! BECAUSE YOU ARE AN EASY TARGET!**

**Elizabeth: Please refrain from shouting Squ-chan or else you yourself will become an easy target. FOR MY COWEE DI TEMPESTA!**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi~! I thought it died.**

**Mary: Moo**

**Fran: Apparently not…**

**Lussuria: Review and Luss-nee will come pamper you~!**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi, who would want you to do that to themselves?**

**Discoabc & Elizabeth: PAMPER TIME BITCHES!**

**Elizabeth Jr: Mummy says you shouldn't use language like that!**

**Bel: Bye bi~!**


	9. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE ANGER ISSUES YOU

**Discoabc here peeps! Gawd, I'm so sorry! I was hauled away on another holiday and this time on a canal boat! But then again…it was fun… Now TO EAT AN ICE CREAM! Yes, I shall narrate my whole life story using author notes. Fascinating is it not? XD Also, has anybody else realized that the Shard (in London) looks like Byakuran's base in the future? OMG, HIS TAKE OVER IS COMING! THE END OF THE WORLD IS NEAR! Shout outs~!**

**Soul Vrazy: Freaking funny? Uh, HELL YEAH! *Feels proud of themselves* Elizabeth Jr, I'm disappointed with you but then again, you have a good eye, picking out the hottest guys. If she picked Levi then I would have just cried for her sake :( And now we have gotten into a three way battle over tea! Me vs Elizabeth vs You! Who shall win? Find out next episode of TEA BATTLES!**

**Leena456: Aww, shucks! Your compliments make me blush! Well, they don't but let's just go along with that for effect XD**

**ShinigamiinPeru: Well, Squalo had to lose it at some point (poor guy/girl) but you losing it? I hope you aren't stronger than Squalo cause if you were the world would be screwed…XD And so for you my reviewer, I HAVE UPDATED! NOW I FELL PROUD OF MYSELF! AGAIN! YAY!**

**Yuki-shi-chan: …How come some people can sum up things with two words (I count your hahaha as one word. Like Microsoft word. XD) when I can't? *feels dejected then remembered that you were complimenting the fic and brightens up* YAY!**

**Mistress of Madness: I have killed you? NOOOOOOOOOOO! BYAKURAN, GET OVER HERE AGAIN! THEY NEED HEEEEELLLLLLPPPPP! And ice cream is always funny. I mean, you could walk into a business meeting and say ICCCCEEEE CREEEEAAAAAM and everyone would laugh, Just…don't try it. No, it does work just don't do it. DON'T! Oh, and I bow to your name, I really do *bows***

**Crazyblondefanfictionlover10 1: You know, I think for every time Levi is beaten up a baby stops crying and starts laughing. LEVI! YOU MUST BE PHYSCIALLY ABUSED MORE! XD And Free ice cream shall be distributed when we take over the world with the bunnies and no Foamy the Squirrel will stop us then! Wait, maybe they will but we can think of that when we get there! Sadists like us will not be restrained by logic! YAY! \(^-^)/ You stayed in your seat this time…all I an say is your skills shall be needed in the battle against Foamy the Squirrel XD. And Merry Christmas to you too! *Gasp* my story is still godly? HELL YEAH!**

**LoStInIlLuSiOn: …For some reason I get the impression that you don't like Eliza Jr XD And Fran's line actually made me LOL whilst writing it…is it strange that I laugh at my own stuff O.o? And Squalo had to break at some point, I'm sorry but it was inevitable. And I'm sorry, I wanted Fran to tell Bel's secrets too but alas there are some things that cannot come to be. Sad face. My younger brother read the part where Fran told Squalo's story and for ages he was just like 'PROJECT HUUUUUUUUUGGGGGG!' cute in a way but creepy in another XD. And Elizabeth probably would always reject Bel for a cup of tea. She will probably cheat on him with a cup of tea when they get together too. Lol. And Levi being called a rapist by a child? *gasp* WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO? Hmm? Has part of your review been cut off or have you died because of your anger at Eliza Jr? *picks up phone* Yes, Byakuran. We have another dead reviewer. No, this time they didn't die from laughter. Now get your splendid ass over here! Wow, I've gone all British for a moment…wait, I AM BRITISH!**

Chapter 9: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE ANGER ISSUES YOU FUCKING BITCH?

Elizabeth burst into the dining room, singing happily to herself. "Hey Captain strange, won't you be my lover? You're the best thing that I've ever discovered~ Flash Gordon's left me, he's gone to the stars, and Evil Darth Vader has banished me to Mars~!"

Fran blinked. "Is she singing to fake prince-sempai?" he wondered as the girl sat down, still singing.

"I lost my heart to a starship trooper, flashing lights in hyper space~ Fighting for the Federation, hand in hand we'll conquer space~!" (And those my friend are lyrics from a real song. They make me LOL!)

"Fake prince-sempai is a starship trooper?" Fran asked out loud making Elizabeth gasp.

"You're home country is space?" she whispered, her eyes shining.

"Ushi shi shi~! What is the peasant on about?" Bel drawled, swinging his feet up on the table.

"But Fran, then wouldn't he be a space prince?" Elizabeth ignored her captain as she turned to the younger illusionist, a confused look on her face. "OMG, A SPACE PRINCE STARSHIP TROOPER!" she then squealed before looking to her left where Bel was seated. "I think I'm in love…"

"Ushi shi shi, who DOESN'T love the prince?" Bel laughed, pleased with Elizabeth's comment.

"I don't," Fran stated bluntly.

"Oh, silly captain!" Elizabeth laughed. "I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to my one and only true love!" she pointed past the blonde to a maid who was walking in with a tray and upon in a mug with the girl's favorite hot beverage inside: tea.

"You got rejected for tea. Again," Fran shook his head causing Bel to throw a knife at him angrily.

"Your drinks," the maid set down a mug of tea in front of Elizabeth and a mug of coffee in front of Bel. Elizabeth practically emitted sparkles as she drank the drink happily. She then looked around, a confused look appearing on her face.

"Captain Bel…"

"What is it peasant?" the blonde replied, slightly miffed about what she had said earlier.

"I've been wondering…why am I the only lieutenant here?" she asked making Fran, Bel and Squalo, who was being unnaturally quiet for once, blink slightly at the question.

"Ushi shi shi~! Because you are better than their lieutenants," the blonde chuckled making Squalo glare at him.

"VOOOOIIIII! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT?" he yelled. "SHE'S INSANE! AT LEAST MY ONE DOES PAPERWORK!"

"Squ-chan! Indoor voices!" Elizabeth chided him as she sipped her tea calmly, not bothered by Squalo's insult at all. Hell, she was used to being called insane by now.

"SEE! COMPLETELY CRAZY!" the man hollered.

"Are you insulting the prince's _servant_?" Bel asked, his expression growing dark.

"VOOOOIIII! Since when was she your servant?!"

"I'm a servant now? Uh, HELL YEAH! LEVEL UP BITCHES!" Elizabeth shrieked, pumping her fists in the air. "What?" she asked when Fran shook his head at her.

"Ushi shi shi~ insulting the prince's servant is like insulting the prince himself," Bel stood up and got out his knives that glinted wickedly in the light. "Do you wish to die by the prince's hand?"

"You know fake prince-sempai, talking in third person is one of the first signs of madness," Fran told him seriously, suddenly wearing a scientist coat and glasses, Elizabeth clapping in awe. "Along with laughing randomly and having an obsession with the mediaeval times," he pointed to a board with these things written on, readjusting his glasses as he did so. "I think you need help."

Cue knives thrown at his head.

"So, why is your lieutenant not here Squ-chan?" Elizabeth asked Squalo as Fran pulled the knives out of his giant frog hat with a straight face.

"BECAUSE…" he trailed off, deep in thought. Actually, why the hell were they not with him right now? "BECAUSE THEY AREN'T!"

Fran began to clap. "That was a wonderful answer long haired commander. Anything to add?"

"VOOOOOIIIII! SHUT UP!"

"So, why isn't your lieutenant here Fran?" the girl then asked Fran who shrugged and looked out the window.

"The rain is depressing…" he muttered. "Like my poor tortured soul."

"Captain…Fran is freaky…" Elizabeth whimpered and hid behind the blonde who was still glaring daggers at Squalo which I'll have you know is very painful. "He said his soul is RAIN!"

"Peasant…" Bel sighed. She had completely got that wrong.

"HEY! I THOUGHT I LEVELLED UP!"

"…Servant…"

"That's what I thought mutherfuwcka," she giggled before sitting down again and gasping. "SOMEBODY DRANK ALL OF MY TEA!"

"Cute-sempai, you did that," Fran reminded her, still looking out of the window at the rain.

" I don't remember that…" Elizabeth stroked her chin. "WAIT! What if my alter ego drank it? No, my inner child! STEVE DAMMIT, GIMME BACK MY TEEEEEAAAAAAAA! DAMN YOU STEEEEVVVVVVEEEE!"

"Your inner child is called Steve?" Fran asked her, not really interested but feeling the need to keep talking for some reason.

"No, that's my alter ego. Keep up Fran!" she puffed out her cheeks before a spark of inspiration came to her. "Boss must throw wine bottles and glasses at Squalo for some reason so maybe if you hit him then you get a free refill!" she jumped onto the dining table and picked up her empty mug. "TO INFINITY AND BEYOND!" she screamed as she threw the object at him, hitting the man on the arm and breaking.

"VOOOOIIIIIII! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Squalo bellowed, standing up from his seat. Elizabeth stared at her broken mug, tears in her eyes.

"It didn't work…" she sniffed, hanging her head sadly. Fran hopped up and patted her on the back.

"You know it only works if you get a headshot, right Cute-sempai?" he asked her making the woman brighten up instantly.

"Well, as some wise man said, if it doesn't work the first time then USE MORE VIOLENCE!" she yelled, picking up another mug.

"THAT'A COMPLETELY WRONG YOU IDIOT!" Squalo shouted as Elizabeth threw more mugs at him, cackling evilly as she did so. Suddenly a knife flew towards him. "WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Ushi shi shi~ the peasant made up a good game~!" Bel sang as he twirled a knife in his hands, grinning.

"AHEM!"

"…Servant."

"I'm not involved…" Fran sat down, drinking some orange squash as the two storm attribute Varia members hurled their chosen weapons at Squalo. How did he get the orange squash? He is a ninja.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" everyone turned to see Lussuria at the doorway screaming. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY LOVELY DINING ROOM?"

Just as he shrieked this, Elizabeth finally hit the dodging Squalo on the head. "BOOM! HEADSHOT BITCH!" she high fived her captain, laughing. "Now where is my free refill?"

"Eliza-chan! Don't use such awful language!" Lussuria cried. "A proper lady would never say such things in polite company!"

"VOOOOIIIIIIII! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR YOU BITCH?" Squalo yelled as Elizabeth who shook her head.

"Squ-chan, you really need to learn some manners. Didn't you just here what Luss-nee said? Honestly, you are a disgrace to womankind," she tutted.

"VOOOOOIIIII! I AM NOT A WOMAN!"

"Right…" everyone nodded their heads in response. Suddenly a black figure flew into the room through the open doors.

"BOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSS!" the yelled as they crashed out through the windows, leaving a gaping hole. Everyone blinked.

"Was that…" Elizabeth began but Lussuria simply shook his head at her, shutting them up. Then Xanxus walked in, thirsty and pissed off.

"Where the fuck is my booze trash?" he asked the group who were still staring at the huge hole in the window.

"…Boss, with all due respect, I really think that you seriously need to go to anger management classes," Elizabeth told the man slowly making everyone's attention go onto her.

"SHE SAID IT!" everyone apart from Xanxus thought, the man himself growling.

"What did you say trash?" he asked Elizabeth through gritted teeth.

"I mean," the brunette met his gaze without flinching, something that rather impressed him. "You won't have your punch bag (Levi) and stress ball (Squalo) forever. One day you may get married, hell, maybe you'll have cute little children who will be looking to overthrow Vongola Decimo's cute little children at every chance they get but after gaining this, your stress relievers won't be there anymore. And we all know how much of a bummer it would be for you to abuse your wife/husband so if you learn to manage your anger everyone will have a more enjoyable experience!" she smiled, flowers practically emitting from her.

Click.

"WAIT! THAT WASN'T ME! THAT WAS STEVE! FUCKING STEVE! I DIDN'T MEAN THAT AT ALL!" Elizabeth screamed and ran towards the hole in the window before jumping out into the dark abyss of the night outside. Everyone froze under Xanxus's glare as before the man stormed out of the room, muttering something about killing the woman with his own hands.

"Eliza-chan!" Lussuria called worriedly out of the window once his boss was gone. "Are you okay?

A small noise of anger and the sound of water made him and the rest of the group look towards the water fountain where Elizabeth and Levi where currently situated, the latter floating with the front of his face submerged. Elizabeth blew a strand of wet her out of her face, huffing irritably. "I fucking hate Steve."

_Later that night_

"VOOOOOIII!" a figure wearing a black jumpsuit shouted

"SHUSH!" the five other people wearing the same thing glared at him, two of them placing their hands on their hips.

"You would make a terrible ninja Squ-chan," one with a high brown ponytail sticking out of the back of their black mask tutted.

"Ushi shi shi, do you WANT to be caught?" another wearing a tiara above their mask asked, there being no holes for eyes for some strange reason…

"Voi," the first repeated, much quieter this time. "Why are we wearing these outfits?"

"Because we are ninjas!" high ponytail told him, flicking their hair about slightly.

"And ninjas are so in this season!" one with a green and red Mohawk sticking out the top of his mask giggled, high fiving high ponytail.

"Oh, aren't they JUST!" high-ponytail squealed before striking a pose. "Doesn't this just look FAB?"

"Cute-sempai, it makes you look like a scuba diver," one wearing a big frog hat remarked in a monotone voice.

"Awwwww, you always say the nicest things Fran!"

"…It wasn't a compliment."

One with black hair sticking out of his mask looked at the group seriously. "I'm not sure we should go through with this…boss will be furious!"

"That's the point!" high-ponytail sighed. "Honestly, didn't you listen at all during the briefing? We need to make him take anger management classes now or else Squ-chan will be abused when he marries him!"

"VOIIII!"

"SHUSH!" the group hushed the man.

"Boss is marrying…HIM?" spiky-black-hair recoiled in disgust.

"B-but what about ME?" Mohawk looked horrified.

"Luss-nee, Squ-chan will still be married to you but he, sorry, SHE needs to have a straight relationship on the side," high ponytail told them. "After all, you and Squ-chan are both girls."

"I AM NOT A FUCKING GIRL!"

"SHUSH!"

"Cute-sempai, can I take this mask off? It's really hot and sweaty," frog-head asked making Mohawk gasp.

"Hot and sweaty? No! My make up!" they wrenched their mask from their face revealing a black mess making high ponytail hold onto tiara-no-eyes in fright. "Is it that bad?" Lussuria asked the group as they all took off their own masks.

"You look…" Elizabeth trailed off, trying to find the right word as she unlatched herself from her captain who was laughing eerily as usual. "Exotic."

"Really?" Lussuria blushed slightly, placing a hand on his cheek. "Exotic?"

"And sexy. Reeeaaaaaal sexy. Right Captain?" she turned back to the blonde who was still laughing. "Whoa, what is up with him?"

"Bad memories I suppose," Fran thought back to Elizabeth Jr. "Bad, bad memories…" he almost shuddered. That little girl was still sending him love letters…

"So, are we going in?" Levi asked as they all looked at Xanxus's bedroom door.

"What are you, a MI9 agent?" Elizabeth rolled her eyes before noticing that she was receiving blank stares. "You know, English spies…gadgets…stuff…you know, let's just go," she sighed as she opened her boss's bedroom door and tiptoed inside. "Okay everyone, try to move as slowly as possible," she whispered.

"Why?" Squalo asked her, slightly curious.

"He can smell your fear."

Squalo resisted the urge to scream at her and smash her head against the wall, telling her everything that was wrong with her last two statements. "Ne, Eliza-chan," Lussuria whispered. "Why have I got handcuffs again?"

"Because it's kinky," the woman winked making him blush. "Nah, I'm just kidding with ya. It's for _that_."

"Oh, _that_," the man made a noise of realization. "What was _that _again?"

Squalo resisted the urge to scream again. "Am I surrounded by fucking idiots?" he wondered. "Am I actually surrounded by fucking idiots?"

"Target spotted," Fran suddenly drawled, pointing to a sleeping figure on a huge four-poster bed.

"Okay, surround them," Elizabeth ordered and the group did as she asked. "Okay, on three. THREE!"

They all jumped on the man who woke up instantly. "WHAT THE FU-" he was shut up by Lussuria spraying some perfume at him, making him faint.

"It's one of my homemade fragrances," the man explained. "It's beauty makes any man faint from astonishment!"

"That's so wrong!" everyone apart from Elizabeth who was gushing over how Lussuria had actually managed to make some perfume thought. "So, so wrong!"

_Later_

Xanxus blinked rapidly as he woke up, a bright light that was shining into his face hurting his eyes. "What the fu-"

"Mr. Xanxus I presume," a short man wearing a white lab coat and glasses held out his hand for the Varia boss to shake. "I am Dr. Ciarlatano who will be your guide and friend through this journey you are about to take, this journey that will help you to get to understand yourself better and enjoy life more."

Xanxus stared at him. Was he out of his fucking mind?

"So, Mr. Xanxus, please get yourself into a comfortable position," Dr. Ciarlatano told him softly making the other man realize that he was sitting on a couch for the first time, the overhead lights still burning his eyes. "First of all, I want you to tell me a bit about yourself. It could be anything, your favorite color, a hobby you have, a girl you like, something POSITIVE."

Xanxus blinked. Yep, that man was definitely out of his fucking mind.

"Don't be shy, you can tell me anything you like. I promise that I won't tell anyone," he smiled at Xanxus in a way that some people would find warming but to the Varia boss it looked insane. After all, he had just called him SHY. "Okay, how about I tell you something first just to make you more comfortable. I am married and have four children but although that sounds ordinary enough I, like you, used to have anger issues."

Okay. What. The. FUCK? Xanxus's mouth was wide open. He was in a room with an insane doctor whose name meant quack in Italian and he was telling him their life story. And what was up with this anger management thing?! He had to be dreaming. Yeah, that was the only rational explanation for why he was here since all he could remember was smelling something awful before he woke up on this couch with this insane guy. He should shoot him with his guns that would usually magically appear at this point during his dreams. He should then punch his body until he was sure he was dead. He should then cut his body up into little bits. He should…but part of him remembered Elizabeth telling him that he had anger management issues. Maybe having this conversation with this doctor in his dreams where nobody could mock him for doing so unlike in real life wasn't such a bad idea…

"...I like tea," Xanxus murmured, slightly embarrassed with his confession. "And I actually like dogs but they all run away from me because they are scared."

"That's a great start Mr. Xanxus!" Dr. Ciarlatano wrote down notes on his notepad furiously. "Now, tell me something that makes you feel proud."

"When my subordinates compliment me," Xanxus told him truthfully. He actually reveled in the praise that Levi was always offering him and wished that people would say things like that more often. "And when a new member completes their first mission well."

"Excellent, excellent!" the doctor cried. "Now, think of something that make you so blindingly happy and say the first thing that comes into your head."

Xanxus closed his eyes and thought as hard as he could. Suddenly something filled his vision, something all too familiar… "Long silver hair!" he shouted before composing himself. "I-I'm not sure why I said that…"

"No, this is fantastic progress! I've never seen someone do so well!" the man reassured him, continuing to scribble notes down. "Now, what is it about long silver hair that makes you so happy?"

"I-I don't know!" Xanxus shouted, embarrassed. Why the hell had he said that? "It just does! I have no idea why!"

"That's fine," Dr. Ciarlatano told him in a soothing voice. "I've had a patient who said pineapples and not understood why. They were awfully violent too…kept telling me that they would bite me to death…ANYWAY, I am going to set a little assignment for you."

"Assignment?" Xanxus echoed, half in a daze.

"Whenever you feel so angry that you want to lash out at somebody, think of long silver hair to calm you down. And who knows, maybe you'll be cured of your anger issues before you see me again!"

"See you again?" the man gasped. He was going to enter his dreams on a regular basis?!

"So, night night Mr. Xanxus!" the doctor smiled at him before spraying something in Xanxus's face making him faint. He then sighed and took out a cigarette, lighting it. "Come on in guys, I'm done with this psycho."

The door to the room opened and in walked Elizabeth, Bel, Fran, Lussuria, Squalo and Levi, the last two being a pale white. "You are a real pal Alfonse," Elizabeth gushed as the man took another drag of his cigarette, looking on at the knocked out Xanxus with distain. "Waking up at three in the morning and talking to our boss without even being paid!"

"I owed you Eliza," the man waved away her praise. "Now my debt is finally repaid. When this guy comes back for his last session of course."

"Ushi shi shi~! You know this peasant?" Bel asked his lieutenant, throwing an arm around her shoulders.

"We go back a long way," Alfonse told him, puffing smoke into the blonde's face. "I met her around nine years ago. Saved me from some thugs who wanted to spill my blood. It wasn't pretty."

"Eliza-chan, you are so brave!" Lussuria gushed, grabbing the girl and hugging her. "To think you helped a complete stranger from some mean strong men when you were only seventeen! I'm so proud of you!"

"Can't…breath…" Elizabeth flailed her arms around as Bel looked at her, deep in thought.

"So she already knew how to fight then…" he thought.

"Hey, what's up with those two guys?" Alfonse asked as he put out his cigarette using his other hand to point and the shocked Squalo and Levi.

"Long silver hair…" Squalo muttered, wide eyed.

"Long silver hair makes boss more happy then giving me praise?" Levi asked, also wide eyed.

"Oh, don't mind them. They are always like this," Fran told Alfonse with a straight face as usual. "ALWAYS like this."

"Fran…" Elizabeth, who had escaped from Lussuria's grasp, stared at him. "I think that part of my personality rubbed off on you…sorry about that and stuff."

"So, what are we going to do about boss?" Lussuria wondered, eyeing the man who was unconscious on the couch. Elizabeth grinned evilly.

"Oh, there are many we shall do Luss-nee, many things," she laughed manically. Fran sighed.

"It seems I've gotten into something troublesome again…" he muttered.

_Later_

Xanxus groaned slightly as he sat up in his four-poster bed, his head killing him. He remembered his 'dream' with Dr. Ciarlatano perfectly and part of him cringed at the memory. What the hell had made him shout long silver hair at the top of his lungs? He didn't understand it at all! The man swung himself out of bed and dressed himself, paying no heed to the fact that it was way earlier than the usual time he would get up, before strolling out of the door in search of food and booze. He slammed the doors to the dining room open to see his guardians and Elizabeth sitting at the table, eating their breakfast and arguing as usual. Except it wasn't like usual since Squalo and Levi were unusually quiet along with everyone having long silver hair atop their heads. Okay, what the fuck?

"Ah, boss!" Lussuria greeted the man happily, his long silver hair tied into two plaits with a flower, pink of course, in it. "Your breakfast is ready so just sit down and I'll bring it to you~!" he sang and disappeared into the kitchen. Xanxus tried very hard to forget that image as he sat down at the head of the table, completely stiff. "Here you go~!" the now silver haired man set down a huge plate of steak along with some expensive wine but also a cup of tea, an unusual occurrence. But Lussuria didn't even seem to notice what he had done and sat down, leaving his boss wide eyed.

"Did you hear how that new recruit completed their mission with flying colors?" Fran asked Elizabeth in a bored fashion as if he had been forced to speak such words. Or was that his usual monotone voice?

"Flying colors? Holy shit, the Arcobaleno are baaaaaaaack!" Elizabeth yelled in response and pulled out her guns from underneath her skirt. "I BAGSY FIRST FIGHT!"

"Ushi shi shi~!" Bel laughed and leant back in his chair, his white teeth glinting in the light. "The prince get's the first fight with Mammon, peasant."

"AHEM!"

"Servant."

Xanxus stared. Okay, this was creepy, everyone was doing things that usually made him happy, not to mention the fact that they all had silver hair and hadn't explained why they had it! Wait, was Xanxus going insane? Was it actually HIM who was seeing and hearing all these things designed to make his constant anger disappear? He had already seen the shrink in the lab coat! GAH! NO! Xanxus stood up from the table and left the room, not even bothering to touch the rest of his food and wine although he did take the tea with him. "What's up with him?" Elizabeth wondered as she took off her silver wig. "God was that ITCHY!"

"I'm sure he's just feeling a little shy," Lussuria smiled. "And to think I thought he was always confident! Wow, that Alfonse guy was really something! I would go for a guy like him if he wasn't already married…"

"Nah, he ain't married," the brunette told him offhandedly. "It just makes people trust him more apparently."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME EARLIER ELIZA-CHAN?" Lussuria cried.

"Because he's not a keeper. And you have Squ-chan remember?"

"Oh yeah…"

Squalo hit his head against the table repeatedly. He was going to murder somebody soon, in shocked state or not!

_Later_

Xanxus, who had been signing stupid paperwork, lifted his head as soon as he heard a knock at the door. "Come in," he spoke powerfully in response and his study door was pushed open slowly by none other than…Lupo. The wolf wagged their tail and bounded towards Xanxus who tensed up immediately. Part of his mind wondered how the fuck they managed to knock on the door but most of it was thinking about why the hell was it here. The wolf then slowed down and walked round to their chair before licking his hand gently. Xanxus stared down at the box weapon and felt part of him relax. It was a beautiful wolf, he mused, and its every movement was fluid, their bright red eyes also filled with intelligence. A small smile crept onto his face as he noticed the animal did not flinch under his harsh gaze, much like it's master Elizabeth. He patted the animal on the head before returning back to his paperwork, the wolf then standing on its hind legs so it could see what he was doing.

"Hmph, they don't need that much money," Xanxus said out loud as the wolf looked at the sheet of paper he was looking at and saw it's master's face. "I'll cut it down to half."

And in response to what Xanxus had just said, Lupo bit his hand. Hard.

_Outside_

"Lupo, are you okay darling? Did boss hurt you bad?" Elizabeth looked at her slightly burnt box weapon that had just been kicked out of Xanxus's office. Lupo growled making the girl gasp. "He was doing WHAT to my salary? FUCK!"

"Ushi shi shi~! So the prince's servant speaks wolf," Bel chuckled making Elizabeth shoot him a confused look.

"What are you talking about Bel? Lupo is a dog!"

Bel resisted the urge to face palm. "None of these things seem to be working very well…" Lussuria sighed, twiddling with his silver wig although everyone else had taken his or hers off a while ago. "Are you sure what boss said to Alfonse was true?"

"It has to be!" Elizabeth cried. "I even bought a lie detector!" she pointed to Fran who waved unenthusiastically in response.

"I cost € 1,000,000 an hour plus tax," he droned.

"SEE!" the brunette crossed her arms. "I was super prepared!"

"You were super scammed," Bel thought, sweat dropping.

"ANYWAY! Onto plan C!" Elizabeth grinned.

"What's plan C?" Lussuria wondered as the girl flicked her hair behind her shoulders and tied it up with a hair band, something she always did before she sparred with people who worked under her.

"We go in with suicidal intentions," she said seriously and flung the door to Xanxus's study open and ran in. "BOSS! YOU ARE FRICKEN HOT AND SUPER STRONG AND SEXY AND COOL AND HOT AND I SAID THAT BEFORE CAUSE YOU ARE JUST SO AWESOME!"

Xanxus stared at her, remembering Dr. Ciarlatano's words.

_Whenever you feel so angry that you want to lash out at somebody, think of long silver hair to calm you down. And who knows, maybe you'll be cured of your anger issues before you see me again_

He focused on long silver hair for as long as he could before suddenly spotting Lussuria's plaited wig out of the door. Xanxus then looked back at Elizabeth who was wearing no such thing. He looked back at Lussuria. He looked back at Elizabeth. Lussuria. Elizabeth. Lussuria. Elizabeth. Lussuria. Eliza-"Trash," he looked at the young woman in front of him, his eyes burning with rage. "You did this didn't you?"

"Did what?" the brunette asked, not flinching again under his gaze.

"Anger management classes," he seethed through gritted teeth.

"No, I don't have anger management issues. Steve does," she smiled innocently at him. "And if anyone did anything I would blame Levi."

Now, nobody to this day knows or understands why Xanxus believed in Elizabeth's words, perhaps she was an extremely good liar, perhaps he found taking out his stress on his punch bag relaxing or perhaps he liked the tea she made. Whatever one it was nobody will ever know but we do know that the end result was Levi gaining a load of burns and Alfonse moving to Hawaii to escape the man's rage. However, Alfonse wasn't upset by this at all and instead found the whole thing extremely enjoyable, although the same couldn't be said for Levi. But that's all right since Levi is immortal. Wait, what do you mean he isn't? Oh shit…

**Discoabc: XD**

**Lussuria: I never knew that Xanxus was secretly a real softie…**

**Xanxus: …Delete it all now trash.**

**Discoabc: Oh what?**

**Xanxus: *points guns at her***

**Discoabc: DON'T KILL ME! BEEEEELLLLLLL HEEEEEELLLLLPPPP!**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi~! *Doesn't help at all***

**Squalo: Long silver hair…*twitch***

**Elizabeth: STEVE! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME! D:**

**Fran: Cute-sempai is having another fight with her alter ego…**

**Discoabc: As punishment for not helping me Bel, READ THIS! *Shoves paper into his hands***

**Bel: For every review we get I will take off a piece of my clothing? What the hell is this peasant?**

**Discoabc: REVIEW DAMMIT! *fangirls completely***

**Lussuria: DISCOABC HOW COULD YOU?**

**Discoabc: It's Squ-chan next time *wink***

**Lussuria: Ok, go ahead *wink***

**Elizabeth: …I think we should go now. **

**Fran: I think that is the most sane thing you have ever said Cute-sempai**

**Levi: …I'm not immortal…:(**


	10. Blood and Monthly's

**YO GUYS! It is I who has a new chappie! And we have got to ten chappies people! TEN CHAPPIES! But my other fic does have 64…BUT WHO CARES RIGHT NOW! Actually, I do care but that is not the point! Shout outs~!**

**Yuki-shi-chan: Thanks! Wait, your review, it seems familiar…*strokes chin whilst wearing glasses and then remembers I don't need glasses* :)**

**Soul Vrazy: Awww, compliments for my other fic whilst reading this one! Hurray for random praise XD And the tea we shall battle with ALL THE TEAS OF THE WORLD! MUWHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, this is why you should never give me caffeine in the morning. Or let me have coloring pencils when drawing. Seriously, you don't even want to know what happened *shudder* OMG! COOOOOOOKKKKKIIIIIEEEEESSSSS S! GIMME! GIMME! I want BLOOD flavored ones :3 Just kidding, I want white chocolate ones. It's Bel who wants the blood. Oh and our beloved Tsuna (hearts :3) will eventually show and Elizabeth is not stupid just mentally damaged. I'll explain that later. **

**ShinigamiinPeru: Purely awesome? Uh, HEL YEAH! *pumps fists in air* Yeah, I would feel sorry for Squalo too being surrounded by all these insane people but…I don't. I mean, who could pity somebody who is in the same group as tons of other sexy guys? *shakes fist at sky* WHY NOT ME? TTATT Yeah and he did break down before along with completely just going crazy himself.**

**LoStInIlLuSiOn: Yes, Eliza Jr is a very, very, very creepy child. *shudder* Anyhow, CONGRATS FROM COMING BACK FROM THE DEAD! And on a sadder not: NOO! NOT STUPID COMPUTERS! Spanner, do something dammit!*As Spanner walks off* Do you think I'm abusing my power as author? Space princes are cool…sorry, I just imagined Fran and Bel in space and Fran saying 'In space, nobody can hear you LAUGH XD. Yeah, I think that all of them need anger management too. And Levi is just LOL when it comes to him and Xanxus…I just made them sound like they were in a relationship didn't I? Silver long hair wigs FTW indeed! And Fran the frog ninja? XD Yes, Bel, you go faceplam! NOW! Haha, Author privileges…Eliza was bound to be scammed one day and I also dub Fran the 'lying sensitive frog ninja'! Xanxus is just…lol. Elizabeth: what are you talking about? Lupo IS a dog! Me: *shakes head* Hiba-chan…I love you even if you have to gave anger management classes. XD.**

**Mistress of Madness: NOOOOO! NOT MY ICE CREAM! *snatches away and then sees it had melted and cries but then remembers Soul Vrazy gave me a cookie and eats that instead* Xanxus and anger management ROCKS XD. Hiba-chan is epic too :) And Eliza jr is just creepy. Don't judge her. SO PUT DOWN THE RIFLE DAMMIT BEFORE YOU SHOOT HER INSTEAD OF LEVI! And thank you for pointing out me writing Heleanor. I've been thinking about Strawberries and Cream too much…PARTY? PIZZA? EEEAAAAAATTTTT! Levi isn't immortal? NOOOOO- wait? I don't care! Why am I worried for him? Oh dear reviewer, Squ-chan's always traumatized XD. I sudden have the urge to give you tea because you have an awesome name…wait…OMG, NOT MIND CONTROL! NOOOO! Now Bel, take off another piece of clothing! They sent in a review and you promised you would do it! MUWHAHAHAHA! I really abuse my power as author….**

**AwSomEnesS: Gah, your story had me giggling for a while and my bro jut looked at me and said 'I think you need help'. He's so nice to me isn't he? XD**

**Guest: Indeed.**

**Tenshi–Oujosama: So I have acquired another minion cough I mean, reader. I AM NOT TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD USING BUNNIES AND READERS! You heard nothing…Eliza-chan will meet Tsuna and the others eventually and it SHALL be funny. I demand it so!**

**Gah! So many reviews! O.o Now, tell me the truth, it was for the stripping Bel wasn't it? WASN'T IT?**

Chapter 10: Blood and Monthly's

"DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

Elizabeth didn't even bat and eyelid as slightly charred Levi, once again, was thrown across the dining room table, being careful to lift her mug of tea as he did so, her captain saving his coffee instead. "So I guess the anger management class didn't work," she remarked casually as Xanxus entered the room, fuming. "Oh, good morning boss!"

The man said nothing in response, a normal occurrence, as he moved over to sit on his chair, Levi bleeding to death slowly at the other end of the table. Lussuria then danced in before letting out a shriek of horror. "LEVI! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU **NOT** TO BLEED ON THE CARPET! IT MAKES AN AWFUL STAIN!" he picked up the almost dead man and threw him out the window that had just been fixed yesterday (see last Chappie) but (un) luckily, the water fountain was below and he survived the fall. As per usual. "No! He got blood on the carpet!" Lussuria knelt down on the floor. "What have I done to have such disobedient children? WHAT HAVE I DONE?"

"Ushi shi shi~ the perverted freak has finally snapped~!" Bel sang as he leant back in his chair, grinning to himself.

"Don't call Luss-nee a perverted freak! He is our MOTHER!" Elizabeth snapped, smacking his arm lightly. Why lightly? He was her source of income. She did NOT want to be on his bad side. Period.

"He is NOT my mother!" the blonde hissed angrily and hit the girl back. Elizabeth looked at him, her eyes dark.

"Did you just hit me?" she asked in a hushed, dangerous voice.

"You just hit a girl? That's not very chivalrous for a prince. But that doesn't apply to you does it, **fake** prince-sempai?" Fran said in a completely monotone voice. Cue knives flying through the air.

"Bel-chan! You shouldn't hit girls!" Lussuria took a break to tut at Bel before going back to mourn over his stained carpet. "Especially your sister!"

"She is not my siste-" as Bel moved his hand to point at Elizabeth he accidently knocked over her mug of tea.

Silence.

"MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!" Elizabeth screamed and jumped on Bel, trying to strangle him as the two rolled over underneath the table making the objects that had survived Levi being thrown over them crash onto the floor. "I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU EVEN IF YOU ARE MY SOURCE OF INCOME!" she shrieked in anger. "CRIMES AGAINST TEA ARE FUCKING SERIOUS!"

"ELIZA-CHAN! BEL-CHAN! STOOOOP!" Lussuria screeched. "SQU-CHAN **DO SOMETHING**!"

"VOOOOII! Why the fuck should I do anything?" Squalo yelled back, secretly hoping the Elizabeth might use her Sei Spade Arte again and, if he was really lucky, kill Bel. The blonde bastard was always dumping paperwork on him! "If you want them to stop then do it yourself!"

"But the carpet needs my immediate attention!" Lussuria pointed to the red stain on the floor. "I'm having friends over later! If they saw this they would think I was a complete SLOB!"

"Go Cute-sempai," Fran, who now had a red flag saying 'Fight' in his hand, cheered in his usual bored voice. Bel rolled over again and tried to pin Elizabeth down so that she would stop trying to tear his hair out. In response, she kicked him in the 'place'. He rolled off her in pain and Elizabeth jumped on him again, her eyes filled with fury as she tried to now break his neck.

"Ushi shi shi!" Bel laughed through gritted teeth. Now was probably the worst time ever to find out that Elizabeth was extremely competent at fighting without weapons as well. The blonde tugged on his lieutenant's long hair violently making her let out a yelp of pain and raise her head quickly, hitting it on the hard wood of the table as she did so. But she did not let go off him and continued her now promising plan of killing her captain. "This seems familiar…" Bel thought, thinking back to when Gokudera and him had fought for the storm ring. And he had won. SUCK ON THAT BITCH!

"Fucking…tea…murderer!" Elizabeth managed to say as she gave up on breaking his neck and instead focused on knocking him out by hitting a pressure point on the back of his neck. Which was extremely hard considering how much goddamn adorable blonde hair he had on his head! Yes, she just called his hair that. As she leant her head forwards past his face, Bel did the only thing he could do in the situation when the girl's body was holding down both his hands and legs. Make use of his beautiful white teeth. "KYAAAAH!" Elizabeth screamed and sprang back from her captain and out from under the table, holding her hand to her neck. "Y-you BIT ME!"

Bel crawled out from underneath the table, glaring at her. "You attacked me peasant."

"I LEVELED UP!"

"You attacked me."

"YOU BIT ME!"

"…Touché."

"DON'T TOUCHÉ ME!"

"So fake prince-sempai is a vampire…(along with Hiba-chan)!" Fran wrote down notes in a notebook he certainly didn't have before.

"I DON'T CARE IF HE'S FUCKING DRACULA, HE KILLED MY TEA!" Elizabeth shrieked and prepared to lung at the blonde again after wincing at the pain in her neck, blood dripping down onto her Varia uniform.

"I don't think that tea can die Cute-sempai…"

"BLASPHEMY!" Elizabeth shrieked and pointed at Fran accusingly. "You dare oppose me? ME? I SHALL KILL YOU TOO IN THE NAME OF THE TEA GOD!"

"There is a tea god?" the boy blinked.

"DO NOT QUESTION ME MERE MORTAL FOR I AM BEING CHANNELED THROUGH THIS GIRL'S BODY! DIE!" she pounced on Fran and punched his frog head numerous times. Of course, Fran invulnerable to pain and thus felt nothing. It didn't stop him from complaining though.

"Cute-sempai, would you stop punching me with the same hand that is covered in your blood? It's staining my clothes…" he muttered in an almost annoyed tone. Almost. Whilst this was going on, Bel had managed to run into the kitchen, heat a kettle, put the hot water in a teapot with teabags, wait for the solution to be completely mixed together, pour it into a mug, put the correct amount of milk in and race back into the dining room without anybody else realizing he was gone. Why had he done this? Although he did admit that he beating Fran to a pulp would be entertaining to watch, Elizabeth trying to kill him very five seconds and shouting tea at the top of her voice was quite frankly ANNOYING. So thus he had downgraded himself to do the simple chore of making tea, SHOCK HORROR, in order to calm down his lieutenant. Simple really.

"Peasant-"

"I LEVELED UP!"

"Servant," Bel forced the tea down her throat and the girl instantly stopped punching Fran.

"Huh? What happened?" Elizabeth blinked and looked at Bel who had blood all over his face from biting her. "Err, captain, you have a little something there…" she indicated to his whole head. She then took another sip of her tea. "Woah this is amazing! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO MADE IT!"

"Ushi shi shi~ The prince did," Bel told her, ignoring Squalo as he burst out laughing.

"You made TEA?" the man asked between chuckles.

"Ushi shi shi~ Got a problem with that?" the blonde faced him, pulling out some knives.

"Captain."

"What? I'm busy?" Bel hissed and turned to Elizabeth who had a serious expression on her face.

"I love you."

Bel fell down comically or was that his lieutenant glomping him? Meh, I dunno…"VOOOOIIIII? What the fuck are you on? (Tea OBVIOUSLY)" Squalo shouted as the blonde tried to get Elizabeth off him again but this time because she was hugging him.

"Marry me! Make me this tea everyday! I have never tasted something so DELICIOUS! IT'S BEAUTIFUL!" the brunette yelled, love hearts emitting from her.

"So there are going to be little fake prince-sempai's and Cute-sempai's after all…" Fran remarked in a bored fashion, looking down at his uniform. "Ah, there is blood everywhere. Lussuria-sempai won't be happy…"

"CALL ME LUSS-NEE!" Lussuria shrieked before turning and letting out a scream. "ELIZA-CHAN! WHO GAVE YOU THAT HICKEY?"

"I have a hickey? No wonder my neck hurt so much!" Elizabeth got off Bel calmly and walked up to a mirror in the room the was on a mantelpiece (Lussuria always wanted to see his beeeeeautiful face at all times). "Holy shit! This isn't a hickey it's…it's…A VAMPIRE BITE!"

"I told you he was Dracula…" Fran shook his head at Bel. "To think you were after her blood all this time."

Cue knives flying through air.

"Captain is DRACULA?" Elizabeth looked at the blonde and shrugged. "Somehow it makes sense…maybe its all that tomato ketchup on your face?"

Bel, for the first time in a while, actually face palmed. ACTUALLY face palmed. "Servant, this isn't tomato ketchup," he sighed irritably.

"Yeah, I thought that too. But why do you have strawberry jam all over your face?"

"It's not strawberry jam."

Elizabeth stared at him for a few moments, blankly. "Ah! I got it!" she shouted, clapping her hands together. "Cranberry sauce!"

Silence.

"She's an idiot. A real idiot," Squalo muttered, everyone apart from Lussuria and Xanxus nodding in agreement. Cause Xanxus is cool like that and Lussuria is…Lussuria.

"Oi trash," Xanxus glared at his subordinates. "Where is my fucking steak and booze?"

_That breakfast time the Varia guardians and Elizabeth learnt a very valuable lesson: Do NOT under any circumstances forget that Xanxus had needs AND THEY WOULD BE FUCKING FUFILLED!_

Bel, whose 'cranberry sauce' had been finally washed off his face, and Elizabeth, whose 'vampire bite' had finally been treated by putting a huge plaster on it courtesy of Lussuria i.e. it was bright pink, stood in the training room, scrutinizing the new storm squad members, the blonde doing an infinitely better intimidating expression than the girl though the fact that she was currently fawning over Cowee di Tempest/ Mary as well. "Ushi shi shi~! So these are the new recruits," Bel said in his singsong voice that alerted Elizabeth to the fact that he was probably going to slit all of their throats open. To tell the truth, she sometimes wondered why he didn't just kill her like he had done to all of his lieutenants so far but Elizabeth being Elizabeth did not dwell on it for too long. Meh, she was insane so why should she think so deep? "I said," Bel glared at the recruits from under his bangs, annoyed they had not made any reaction at all by his last sentence. "So these are the new recruits."

"Sir yes sir!" all of the recruits saluted him making Elizabeth roll her eyes.

"What are we, the army?" she asked sarcastically.

"No ma'am!" the recruits saluted her.

"…Captain, they scare me," Elizabeth hid behind Mary. "Why are they all so in SYNC?"

Bel resisted the urge to hit her again, since we all know how well that went last time, and tell her to at least TRY and make herself sound a little intimidating. She was an assassin for crying out loud and he didn't want his squad mutinying against him because they thought he would be weak from his lieutenant's weird tendencies. Come to think of it, he STILL didn't know why and how she became an assassin. Sure, she had the fighting skills but if Bel walked down a street and saw her he wouldn't think she was an accomplished killer like he had the first time he had seen Xanxus. And, even though he would be able to take down his squad easily if need be, him killing them would result in paperwork. There was only so much Elizabeth would do for him until she stressed out and started shooting her guns everywhere. Amusing, yes. Paperwork, no.

"Did you guys all spend hours perfecting your words so that they were all in unison?" Elizabeth's voice brought him out of his thoughts and he saw through his bangs that she was now riding Mary like a horse around the room to inspect the recruits. "TELL ME THE TRUTH!"

"No ma'am, no!" the recruits replied in sync again.

"I SAID THE TRUTH! THE TRUTH, THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH!"

"Yes ma'am!"

"THEN TELL ME THE TRUTH!"

"Yes ma'am!"

"You know…I think you are a lost cause," Elizabeth sighed and rode back to Bel, Mary mooing with disapproval. Honestly, her box weapon was sometimes too much like her… "Now, YOU OVER THERE!" she pointed at a man who looked skinnier and weaker than the others.

"Yes ma'am!" he shouted, taking a step forwards though it was obvious he was nervous from how much he was shaking.

"Tell me why you want to join the Varia!"

Bel had the urge to knock his lieutenant off her noble steed, notice the sarcasm, and tell her that it was NOT FUCKING TWENTY QUESTIONS TIME before killing her. Well, he mused, maybe not the last since she was rather entertaining to be around and was one of the only people who worked below him that were not scared half to death by the blonde. Maybe he would just set her more of HIS paperwork instead. "Um…to tell the truth I always fancied myself being a crazed gunman," the recruit Elizabeth had questioned answered, a sheepish grin on his face. This statement seemed innocent enough, if not a little silly, so everyone in the room couldn't have been more surprised when Elizabeth suddenly jumped off Mary, charged at the new recruit and knocked him over before straddling on top of him, her guns nobody had seen her get out pointing at the now terrified man's face.

"I will tell you once and ONLY ONCE," she hissed making the recruit gulp from fear, Bel watching on with an interested smile on his face. "An assassin is NOT a crazed gun man. One is a profession and the other is a mental illness. Us real assassins take those who are crazed gun men to dinner. AKA…" the girl leaned closer to the recruit so that her head was right beside his ear, her voice soft and dangerous. "We blow their fucking brains out. Got it?" she looked at the recruit who simply whimpered, not the response she was looking for. Elizabeth raised her head and one of her guns before shooting at the ceiling, the bullet sticking into the wall. "I said **GOT IT**?"

"Y-yes ma'am!" he nodded furiously and the young woman's usual smile reappeared along with her happy aura.

"Goody good!" she patted his head as she stood up before looking around her, the dangerous atmosphere appearing again for a moment. "Anybody else who wants to become a 'crazed gun man'?"

"No ma'am!" they all replied instantly causing her to put her safety catch on again.

"Hmm, that's good but sort of a shame too," Elizabeth skipped back to Bel as she spun her guns around before putting them back underneath her skirt. "I was looking forward to having some moving target practice."

Her blonde captain grinned widely at her. "So she can intimidate people if she puts her mind to it…interesting," he thought to himself. Suddenly the training room was flung open and Lussuria ran in.

"Eliza-chan! Bel-chan! I heard a gunshot! Are you okay?" he asked them worriedly before spotting the recruit Elizabeth had now permanently traumatized and stopped in his tracks. "Why heeeelllooooo handsome!" he winked at them making the recruit stare, dumbfounded.

"Luss-nee! Don't be unfaithful to Squ-chan!" Elizabeth chided him, Mary mooing in agreement. "Especially now when he is on his monthly's !"

"VOOOOIIIIII! I AM NOT ON MY MONTHLY'S!" Squalo roared as he ran into the room, seriously pissed off.

"In that case I sincerely sorry," the girl drawled making the longhaired man blink.

"You are?"

"Yeah, I am!" she smirked at him. "It's starting tomorrow isn't it?"

"VOOOOOIIIIIIII!"

Bel sighed irritably as he and the recruits watched Squalo and Elizabeth bicker, Lussuria now using horrible pick up lines on the recruit.

"Baby, did you just fart 'cause you blew me away!"

Like he said, horrible. The blonde couldn't believe it! (No, not the horribleness of the pick up lines. Well, he couldn't believe that either but ANYWAY!) Just after Elizabeth had completely made the new recruits terrified of her those two IDIOTS had to walk in and completely ruin the whole thing. Sure, they were probably still scared shitless by the girl (wow, so many swear words today O.o) since she had just shown interest in actually killing them all but Bel was all about atmosphere and wanted it to be tense so that the recruits would always feel on edge, the feeling they would get when fighting against a strong opponent with death almost seeming unavoidable. He wanted them to know that he could kill them at any given time if he felt like it. He DIDN'T want them to be influenced by Elizabeth's crazy upbeat insanity . "Servant," he hissed making is lieutenant instantly stop shouting at Squalo and turn to face him, surprised he had suddenly called to her in such a way.

"Yes Captain?"

He walked towards her and placed a knife to her throat, pissed off. "Stop acting like an idiot," he whispered angrily at her before returning to his position in front of the recruits. Elizabeth then stood completely still, concentrating very hard on not being an idiot. After a minute or so, she passed out on the floor due to the fact she had been trying so hard not to be idiotic, she had forgotten to breath. Bel sighed again. Why was his peasant such an idiot even when she tried not to be?

_Later_

"KYAAAAAAAH!" Elizabeth screamed as she woke up in the infirmary and clung to the nearest thing to her, which happened to be Fran's frog hat that was still situated on the boy's head, squeezing it so tight that the illusionist wondered whether she would make his head explode. Part of him considered doing such a thing to freak the girl out but he decided against it as blood was probably the last thing the nearby Lussuria wanted to see.

"Ah, Eliza-chan! What's wrong?" the flamboyant man asked the girl whose eyes were wide open.

"I dreamt that I was in a world where there was…" she sniffed, her eyes teary. "NO TEA!"

"Tch, you are crying over tea? Pathetic," Squalo muttered.

"Ushi shi shi~ you are insulting the prince's servant again?" Bel asked, getting out some knives. He supposed he should feel slightly guilty for inadvertently making his lieutenant faint from being oxygen deprived but…he didn't. The blonde hadn't asked her to hold her breath after all! But, being the nice prince he was, he supposed he could kill Squalo in her honor. Since random killing made EVERYTHING better. Unfortunately for him, Elizabeth was more than offended at Squalo's comment and threw a mug at him, missing the man by inches. How she got the mug? She keeps a lot of things on her person, including an orange. VITAMIN C FOR THE WIN!

"VOOOOIIIII! What the fuck was that for?" the man hollered as she (no, not Squ-chan) got out of the bed she had been laid down in, her eyes dark.

"You dare suggest tea isn't worth my tears?" she asked angrily and upon seeing Squalo's "well NAH' expression, narrowed her eyes. "Right, that's IT!" she stormed got out a mug from her Varia jacket's magic pocket, Lussuria gasping.

"Eliza-chan! Don't do it!" he shrieked. "DOOOOONNNNNN'TTTTTTTTT!"

"Ushi shi shi~ do it servant!" Bel laughed even though he didn't know exactly what she was going to do. Ah, wasn't he just the most supportive person ever?

"DON'T ENCOURAGE YOUR SISTER BELPHEGOR!" Lussuria yelled, wagging his finger at the blonde.

"Get your finger out of the prince's face or he will bite it off!" he hissed, showing off his brilliant white teeth.

"You better do as he says Lussuria-sempai," Fran warned the man. "He's bitten someone before."

Cue knives being thrown through the air.

"THIS IS THE **END!**" Elizabeth shouted as she smashed the mug against the bedside table making it jagged and sharp.

"VOOOOOOIIIII! What the hell is wrong with you?" Squalo bellowed as she pointed it at him threateningly. Just then the rest of the mug broke leaving Elizabeth with only the handle in her fingers.

"Meh, I guess guns are good too," she shrugged and threw the handle behind her hitting the waking up Levi who was lying on another infirmary bed, for obvious reasons, and knocking the man out before taking out her guns and charging at the longhaired man…only to retrace he footsteps and look at the bedside table that upon it had a mug of tea which she promptly drank. "The drink of gods!" she then exclaimed as she threw the mug behind her, hitting the unconscious Levi again, blood pouring out onto her face. "RIGHT! NOW TO BATTLE!" she charged at Squalo only to pause again. "I forget, why am I annoyed at you Squ-chan?"

"VOOOOIIIII! YOU IDIOT!" the man yelled but Elizabeth took no notice of his insult and instead looked at Levi, mildly interested with what she saw.

"Who brought him in?" she asked curiously. "I mean, I thought we were waiting for him to die so that his slightly more competent lieutenant could take his place."

"But if boss doesn't take out his anger on him then we will get affected," Lussuria reminded her gently, not the slightest bit concerned for Levi's health. After all, he BLED on his carpet, the ungrateful brat! Honestly, next time Lussuria wasn't going to tell him about which hair products Xanxus used! Because Levi was obviously interested in that stuff. What? HE IS!

"Hmm, good point," Elizabeth nodded in agreement. "After all, why else would we keep somebody who nearly lost to a five year old even if he used a ten year bazooka twice?" she laughed.

"Ara? You know about the ring battles?" Lussuria looked at her, intrigued.

"Well, there's are a file yay big in boss's office and what can I say? Curiosity is my besetting sin," she shrugged before giving Bel the thumbs up. "Since I don't acknowledge Levi as an actual win, you were the only one to beat their opponent. Badass captain, B-A-D-A-S-S. Not that your ass is bad. Sexy," she gave him the thumbs up, Bel laughing at her comment insanely as usual.

"NO INCEST!" Lussuria shrieked as Fran sighed.

"Little Cute-sempai's and fake prince-sempai's…" he muttered. "Annoying."

"So…what happened to the recruits?" Elizabeth asked innocently as she slipped on her conversers that Lussuria had taken off her when he had put her down on the infirmary bed. "Did 'crazed gun man' die a horribly cruel death?"

"Ushi shi shi~ who knows?" Bel grinned widely. "But boss is in there right now~!"

"Oh goody!" Elizabeth clapped her hands excitedly as Squalo stared at Bel with wide eyes.

"You left the shitty boss with the NEW RECRUITS?" he asked the blonde who stopped smiling and cocked his head to the side.

"Yes, why?"

"YOU IDIOT! HE WILL ACTUALLY KILL THEM!" the longhaired man fled from the room. A few minutes later they all heard an explosion and a couple more 'Voi's'.

"What's up with him?" Elizabeth asked Lussuria who shook his head sadly.

"He's on his monthly's."

**Extra: Snow White and the Arcobaleno **

Once upon a time in a magical land there lived a wicked Queen with beautiful long flowing hair (Squalo: VOOOOIIII! I AM NOT A GIRL!). Every day she would walk up to her castle's highest tower in which there was a magical mirror that had knew everything there was to know in the universe along with having a fascination with men (Lussuria: I'm a magic mirror? *girlish squeals*). And everyday the wicked Queen would ask the same sing-song question again and again. "VOOOOIIIII! Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"

The mirror would then reply. "Oh my lovely Queen, it is you who is the fairest of them all! Apart from me of course! Ohohohoho!"

And so the now satisfied Queen (Squalo: I AM NOT A FUCKING GIRL!) would make her way back down the tower and spend the rest of her day doing other wicked deeds like trying to kill her husband's manservant (Levi: A fitting role for his right hand man! Xanxus: ...*shoots him*) even though it wasn't really wicked since everyone detested him (Levi: OI!). However one day when the Queen went up into her tower something changed… "VOOOOOIIIIIII! Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" the Queen asked the magic object haughtily, flicking her beautiful hair behind her shoulder dramatically.

"Oh my lovely Queen, alas it is no longer you who takes the top spot! A pretty young maiden called Snow White even though she had long brown hair and, oh I say, a tan to DIE FOR! Ohohohoho!"

The wicked Queen, now mad with jealously, called upon her trusty huntsman (Fran: Author-san, are you sure you are mentally stable?) at once and set him a task. "VOOOOOIIII! I want you to take the brat Snow White into the forest and to cut her heart out before bringing it to me! Now off with you huntsman!"

The huntsman, although skeptical about killing the said beautiful maiden (Fran: Do I have to longhaired-sempai? Killing people is such a pain…), agreed upon being offered a vast amount of gold if he completed his task (Fran: Ah, so I am my mist guardian predecessor now?) and set off at once to find the girl named Snow White. Meanwhile the said Snow White was happily singing to birds with her angelic voice as she had her afternoon tea (Elizabeth: TEA? HELL YEAH!). Her singing soon attracted the eye of a handsome prince (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ the prince is trying to sleep servant. Stop that awful racket) and he watched her from afar, captivated by her beauty and voice (Bel: … Elizabeth: Oh, so you think I'm sexy captain do you? XD). He was about to walk over to her and ask her name when another man appeared with a huge axe on his back. It was none other than the HUNTSMAN! The huntsman chatted with the beautiful Snow White for a while before eventually persuading her to take a walk with him in the woods (Fran: I heard there were fairies in the wood who made the most delicious tea in the world. Elizabeth: I'M GOING.), walking deeper and deeper until the path disappeared altogether. The young woman began to feel frightened and was about to flee (Elizabeth: You lied to me huntsman! THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS FAIRIES! Fran: Ah, you just killed one Cute-sempai. Elizabeth: NOOO! I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!) when the huntsman grabbed her arm, threw her onto the floor and raised his axe. But before he could complete the deed he saw Snow White's terrified face and could not bring himself to let the axe fall (Fran: I can't be bothered to kill you. Killing people is such a pain…). Instead he placed his axe back behind his back and let the woman run away, not even trying to give chase. Then, as he returned to the wicked Queen's castle he killed a cow (Elizabeth: MARY NOOO!) and removed their heart before continuing on his way. "I have returned your majesty," he told the Queen upon arriving at the castle, offering up the cow heart to her.

"VOOOIIII! Took your time!" the Queen snatched the heart away from him before eating it whole like a snake might have done (Xanxus: Trash that is fucking disgusting. Levi: Boss is right.). The Queen then licked her lips. "Delicious." (Squalo: …No comment.)

In the dark woods, Snow White was still running, terrified of being left alone in the forest at night (Elizabeth: Really? REALLY?). She then came across a beautiful little cottage and, not knowing what else to do, crept inside. Upon entering she gasped. Everything was so much smaller than usual! She had to bend down her head to stop herself from hitting the ceiling as she looked around a little more, going into the quaint little kitchen and dining room before finally finding what must have been the bedroom and, after all the stress of the day finally caught up to her (Elizabeth: Why can't I find you…tea fairies…*faints*), fell asleep on the biggest of the beds. A little while later she heard whispering and a bright light suddenly filled her eyes, waking her up. It was then she saw seven little dwarves, one marginally bigger than the others (Yuni: Ah, so I'm the biggest one! *smiles* Reborn: She's an intruder. We should kill her *points gun at Elizabeth* Fon: Ah, why don't we calm down a little Reborn? Verde: She doesn't look like an interesting test subject…*disappointed* Colonnello: What is she doing here kora? Skull: Ha! A lackey for me? Don't worry, I'll take good care of you! Mammon: I'd better be being paid a lot to do this stupid role… Elizabeth: These guys are…weird…).

"I-I'm sorry for coming inside without permission!" Snow White got off the bed instantly, apologizing hastily. "You see…" the woman told the group her sad story at how the huntsman had tried to kill her and how she had ran into the forest out of fright, not forgetting to mention how she suspected the wicked Queen had a part in the whole thing (Elizabeth: That damn Squ-chan, it was him! I KNOW IT!). The seven dwarves were touched by her sad tale and as Snow White began to cry they told her that they were welcome to live in their home with them as long as she (Reborn: Tutored No-good Tsuna for me. Colonnello: Taught Lal Mirch to be a proper girl kora. Skull: Became my lackey! Mammon: Paid rent.) kept the house clean for them and cooked them meals too (Reborn, Colonnello, Skull & Mammon: DAMN!). Snow White agreed to their terms along with promising not to open the door to anybody. (Elizabeth: …Even the tea fairies? Everyone: Especially them. Elizabeth: NOOOOOOOO!)

So Snow White lived in the small cottage happily and although she was not allowed to open the door to anybody, she often sung to birds through the window, daydreaming about the handsome prince (Elizabeth: … Bel: Ushi shi shi~ so you think the prince is sexy do you? Elizabeth: They are right, bay back IS a bitch!) who ruled a nearby kingdom. But in the wicked Queen's castle, things weren't going as nearly as well as she had hoped. "VOOOOIIIIII! Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is NOW the fairest of them all?" the Queen laughed at her mirror, the taste of Snow White's heart still lingering in their mouth.

"Oh my lovely Queen, I told you the answer before didn't I? It is the beautiful Snow White who now lives with those charming seven dwarves! Have you seen that Fon one? He looks EXACTLY like Prince Hibari from a few kingdoms over! OMFG HAWT! Ohohohoho!" the mirror told her making the Queen scream with rage.

"VOOOIIIII! That huntsman tricked me! Honestly, do I HAVE to do everything myself?" the Queen roared before disguising herself as an old woman (Elizabeth: not much of a difference… Squalo: VOOOIII! I AM NOT AN OLD WOMAN! Elizabeth: Denial…) and grabbing a basket filled with apples, one of them having half poisoned. She then went off in search of the dwarves cottage in the woods and soon found it by following the sound of Snow White's sweet singing voice. "My, what a charming voice you have!" she shot a sickly sweet smile at Snow White through the window they were singing through. "That aside, would you like to buy an apple?"

"I'm sorry but I have promised to not open the door to anybody but my friends," the young woman told her softly, nearly making the disguised Queen screech with rage again.

"Oh what an obedient girl you are!" she said instead, still smiling. "Here, have this apple for free my dear, you deserve it!"

Snow White moved to the door and opened it ajar slightly hesitant to take a bite. "If you don't mind me saying, it doesn't look very ripe," she told the disguised Queen quietly (Elizabeth: YEAH! SIXTH SENSE FOR THE WIN!).

"Ah, looks can be deceiving my dear!" the Queen laughed and cut the apple in half and ate one of the halves. "See? It is perfectly fine!"

Snow White, encouraged by this, opened the door fully and took the other half before opening her mouth and taking a bite (Elizabeth: NOOOOOOO! YOU SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED YOUR SIXTH SENSE!). After a moment she began to cough violently before crumpling down onto the floor, her heart ceasing to beat, her eyelids shut. The Queen laughed evilly before fleeing the scene just before the dwarfs returned. The poor little people were heartbroken upon seeing Snow White's pitiful state for they had become extremely fond of the beautiful woman and her captivating voice. They placed her in a glass coffin with her slender hands clasping a small bouquet of flowers and carried her into the middle of the forest where all the animals who had grown to love her singing mourned for her. The dwarves replaced her bouquet everyday but, much to their surprise, the woman's body stayed perfectly intact, and her rosy cheeks still visible. They were puzzled by this but were simply so happy that her beauty would be eternal they did not question it any further (Elizabeth: I feel unloved somehow…). One day, after the dwarves had replaced her flowers once again, the handsome prince came riding through the woods on his horse and, as if by fate, came across the glass coffin and Snow White. He recognized her instantly and felt pain stab through his heart for it looked as if she must be dead (Elizabeth: You think I'm dead? I'm hurt… Bel: Ushi shi shi~ what else would you be? Sleeping in a coffin? Elizabeth: YEAH! Wait, what?). He dismounted his noble steed before walking over to the glass coffin and pushing off the lid, letting his fingers then caress her cheek, surprised when he found it warm. The prince let his hands trail down to her chest and tried to feel her pulse for if she was still warm then she must be alive (Elizabeth: Captain…you don't grope me whilst I'm asleep do you? Bel: Believe it or not, the prince has BETTER things to do servant *irritated*) but he felt no heart beat, confusing him. He withdrew his hand and looked upon her face again, his gaze lingering upon her pretty pink lips (Elizabeth: I don't like where this is going… Bel: I agree…). Unable to hold himself back any longer, he crashed his mouth against hers, one of his hands entwined in her beautiful long brown hair. After he reluctantly pulled away her, Snow White's bright green eyes flickered upon and took in her surroundings before finally landing on the now flushed prince.

"I-it's you!" she stammered before touching her lips that were now moist and blushing, realizing what must have happened.

"Ushi shi shi~!" the prince the smiled at her and picked her up from her glass coffin in bridal style. It was then there dwarves stumbled in on the two of them and they all rejoiced for their beloved Snow White was alive! (Reborn:*in monotone voice* yay.) It was a miracle! But the handsome prince and beautiful young woman did not stay long for the man soon swung her up onto his horse, promising her a future in his kingdom before asking her to marry him. Snow White, delighted with his proposal, accepted and the two rode off, the dwarves waving their tearful goodbyes. And what became of the wicked Queen? Her husband, the kind, realized what evil she was committing and condemned her to have red hot iron shoes placed on her feet and dance until she is dead whilst wearing them (Xanxus: *smirks* Squalo: BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! I'M NOT EVEN A GIRL!). Who said that fairy tales weren't gruesome?

**Squalo: …Agreed to forget all of this?**

**Everyone apart from Elizabeth and Bel: Agreed.**

**Bel: …**

**Elizabeth: …**

**Fran: Ah, I think they are broken.**

**Lussuria: Shame, they were really cute together even if it was incest…**

**Squalo: VOOOIIII! THEY AREN'T RELATED!**

**Lussuria: Squ-chan! How could you say that about your children? APOLOGIZE NOW!**

**Discoabc: Forgive him Luss-nee, he's on his monthly's remember?**

**Squalo: VOOOIIIII! I AM NOT ON MY FUCKING MONTHLY'S!**

**Discoabc: Oh yeah…it's tomorrow isn't it?**

**Squalo: Ugh, I GIVE UP!**

**Discoabc: Please review and tell me whether I should continue putting extras like Snow White in! And any suggestions for another story would be cool too ^-^**

**Squalo: Hell no. HELL NO. We are NOT doing that again!**

**Fran: I thought it was pretty fun…**

**Discoabc: HIGH FIVE ME BRO!**

**Elizabeth: Where am I? The last thing I remember was that the tea fairies were after me…**

**Bel: All I remember is being forced into a stupid fairy tale costume…**

**Everybody: I think they are happier not knowing…**


	11. Cake Don't let Elizabeth cook it

**Yo guys! I have another chappie for you~ Gah! I'm getting so many reviews! Like I like away for a second and then another on pops up! OMG! THEY ARE MULTIPLYING! NOOOOOOO! Wait, I like reviews! MULTIPLY MY PRETTIES! MULTIPLY! Shout outs~!**

**KayleeXD: You don't have words? I hope that's a good thing O.o More extra stories? I SHALL DO YOUR BIDDING AT ONCE! MUWHAHAHA! Aww, you like the entire story so far? Shucks! And your bro gives you funny looks? Don't mind him, my bro does the same thing sometimes…I love him really. Hearts. U-unlimited virtual tea? Afinsiobgeiub *dies from epicness and forces Byakuran to bring me back to life. Again * Oh and ANYONE can meet the tea god. You just have to pledge your allegiance to him for all eternity and kill all those who murder such a delicious hot beverage. Simple really XD**

**Yuki-shi-chan: Since you were the first to suggest a fairy tale for me CINDERELLA IT SHALL BE! Wait, that rhymed…**

**Bluemelancholy: I laughed so hard when I read your review since I just imagined Eliza hitting Bel over the head with the saucepan and going 'BOOM HEADSHOT'! XD I'll do Tangled next chappie since I know how a queue for fairy tales. Which creeps me out. A lot. O.o**

**Mistress of Madness: NOOOO! NOT MY COOKIE! Here, have pizza! HAVE ALL OF IT! JUST GIVE ME BACK MY COOKIE! TTATT and for you shooting Levi we are all thankful ^-^ Yes, French fries are made from French people. But they would be happy knowing that we find them delicious. THEY WOULD BE HAPPY! You don't know what a hickey is? *pats your head* You'll find out when you are older…and killing Maths solves EVERYTHING. I'm glad everyone liked the Eliza x Bel thingy :) Since they are meant to be a pairing…is it bad that I at one point forgot they were?**

**Soul Vrazy: I agree, blood cookies don't taste very nice at all…yeah, Bel and Elizabeth are a couple but sometimes I forget about that…which isn't good…at all….Oh and Eliza isn't of royal blood cause I'm beginning to get annoyed at how nearly every single Bel x OC fic has the OC being royal. I mean, most royal people WOULDN'T become an assassin and the chances of them then meeting Bel are like TINY if they did! Rant, rant, rant, rant.**

**LoStInIlLuSiOn: Yes, Hibari taught Bel how to bite people to death. When this occurred? One stormy night with A LOT of alcohol involved. And…tea. Cause tea makes EVRYTHING better. EVERYTHING. That imagery as Bel dressed up like Hibari…four words: that should be illegal. *fangirl squeals* I think everyone cares about the carpet more than Levi…sometimes I feel bad for him but then I remember that Xani-chan has to take his anger out on SOMEONE! You are in the corner stalking us in your dreams? Well that's not disturbing at all! Yeah, Bel does think that making tea is a peasants job but Eliza trying to kill him is kinda…annoying. I can't see why XD One never knows what Fran is thinking…maybe frog ninjas? I DUNNO! Oh and there is a coffee god too. Currently they and the tea god are engaged in mortal combat with the hot chocolate god. I know, too many insane things centered around Bel. But I did warn you in the summary that this fic was going to be mostly insanity! Elizabeth has now been called an idiot oh, I dunno, around a million times? XD Lussuria keeps saying 'NO INCEST' cause in his little world they are all a family and Bel, Eliza and Fran are all his children as he has now disowned Levi. XD. And your extra shall be written in three chappies time. Because I have a queue now for fairy tales which seriously creeps me out. I mean, of all the things, FAIRY TALES? O.o**

**ShinigamiinPeru: I want Bel to give me tea now *sniff* but everyone is telling me Eliza x Bel is cute so YAY! I have happy tears too! LET US CRY HAPPILY TOGETHER MY FRIEND AS WE RACE OF INTO THE SETTING SUN! TAT**

**IHaveComeBack: Well, it's the truth…XD**

Chapter 11: Cake. Don't let Elizabeth cook it.

To tell the truth, the day had actually started seriously badly. No, not the usual bad with Squalo yelling at everyone, Xanxus being pissed off, Levi dying in the water fountain that was practically his home now, Elizabeth screaming about her tea, Bel throwing knives at Fran with murderous intentions, Fran being apathetic to everything thus not trying to help anyone with anything and Lussuria just being…Lussuria. It had started seriously badly. Because having an absence of food made everyone really, REALLY pissed off. "VOOOIIII! JUST GIVE US OUR FUCKING BREAKFAST ALREADY!" Squalo yelled at Lussuria who was standing in front of the group, a dark aura around him along with and a piece of card held up by a stick covering up his eyes.

"I told you, I am not doing ANYTHING until my sunglasses are returned!" the man told them haughtily.

"WE DIDN'T FUCKING STEAL YOUR STUPID SUNGLASSES!" Squalo roared, smashing his fist down on the table. That promptly broke.

"Lussuria-sempai, I think it was long haired commander," Fran piped up. "He's panicking and letting his emotions get the better of him."

"VOOOIIIIIIII!"

"Right, now one of you own up already! Or else no breakfast, no lunch and no dinner!" Lussuria glared at the group from behind his piece of white card. Elizabeth raised her hand.

"What about tea?" she wondered.

"No tea either."

"NOOOOOOO! THE WORLD IS ENDING!" the brunette wailed and clung to her captain, sobbing loudly. "I CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT TEA!"

Bel couldn't have cared less about Elizabeth clinging to him for dear life and instead simply glared at Lussuria. "The prince demands that you bring us breakfast NOW!" he hissed angrily, getting out his knives. But the man did not give in and shook his head stubbornly, his chin jutting out defiantly.

"I need my sunglasses first!" he insisted.

"VOOOIIIII! NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR SUNGLASSES!" Squalo roared, waving his sword around dramatically.

"Squ-chan! How could you say such a thing?" Lussuria looked horrified.

"Say? More like scream…" Fran muttered.

"GIVE. US. OUR. FUCKING. BREAKFAST!" the swordsman yelled once again but Lussuria wasn't listening and instead was crying about how 'Squ-chan' had rejected him and his sunglasses. Because sunglasses are people too!

"Waaah!" Elizabeth continued to cry as Bel got increasingly annoyed by the second. He needed his damn food! "I *hic* need *hic* TEA!" the brunette cried through her tears.

"Cute-sempai, you could just make the tea yourself," Fran pointed out. "And we could just make breakfast ourselves."

"Oh yeah…" Elizabeth let go of her captain, a bright smile on her face. "TO THE KITCHEN!" and before anybody could stop her, she had raced off.

"…We should stop her," Squalo said out loud.

"Why?" Bel asked, his head cocked to one side.

BOOM!

"Captaaaaaaain?" Elizabeth bounded back into the room, soot covering her face and her hair slightly singed. "What does it mean when the packet says don't under any circumstances heat?"

Silence.

"VOOOIIII! YOU IDIOT!" Squalo screeched at the girl and stormed into the kitchen. And walked straight back out before crouching in the corner of the room. "What has been seen cannot be unseen. What has been seen cannot be unseen. What has been seen cannot be unseen. What has been seen cannot be unseen…" he chanted continuously.

"…So it's bad then," Fran observed before walking into the kitchen. And walking straight back out. "Cute-sempai…what did you do?" he asked, his eyes wide for once. Wow, emotions. I thought he had completely destroyed them…

"It's not that bad!" the girl replied defensively.

"Yes. Yes it is."

"Well…SCREW YOU!" Elizabeth huffed, her arms crossed. "I thought I did okay…"

Bel considered for a moment seeing what the hell his lieutenant had done. Then he saw the traumatized Squalo and decided against it because he wasn't prepared to go to an insane asylum. Full stop. It was then that the door burst open and a fairly intact Levi, spare a few cuts and bruises, walked in. "Boss wants his breakfast. Now."

Upon seeing him, Bel had a brilliant idea (okay, LET'S RUN FAR, FAR AWAY!). "Ushi shi shi~ the perverted freak isn't making any so make it yourself~!" he sang, pushing the lightening guardian into the kitchen, being careful not to look inside himself, before shutting the door behind him. A few moments later, the grown man who claimed he wasn't scared of anything, screamed and ran out, his face pale.

"W-what was that?" he whispered, terrified.

"Honestly, what is wrong with you guys?" Elizabeth asked, her arms still crossed. "IT'S FINE."

"There is a MONSTER in there!" Levi yelled at her, pointing at the girl accusingly. "It was you wasn't it! I shall kill you in the name of the boss!"

"Oh really?" the brunette raised her eyebrow skeptically. "And what do you mean monster? IT'S A CAKE!"

Bel considered congratulating her on making a cake during the five seconds she had disappeared into the kitchen but then remembered that if it was being described as a monster it definitely didn't count as a cake. Even if Levi was delusional. Wait…what? A MONSTER? "Servant, what did you do?" the blonde demanded to know.

"I put some cake mix in the oven!" Elizabeth replied in an annoyed tone. "Just cake mix!"

"THAT WAS NOT A CAKE!" Levi protested. "IT WAS AN EVIL APPARITION THAT WILL TRY AND KILL BOSS!"

"For once I agree with Levi-sempai..." Fran muttered, shuddering slightly. It was official: he was actually freaked. Squalo's constant mutterings alerted them to the fact he agreed too.

"Well, now you mention it, the mixture did look a little blackish like gunpowder…" Elizabeth stroked her chin thoughtfully. "But I'm sure that it was just because it was chocolate flavored!"

Okay, Bel was definitely not going in the kitchen. Actually, scrap that. How the hell did Elizabeth even survive being next to an oven with gunpowder in it? AND HOW DID THAT BECOME A MONSTER? (…Don't ask me! I only write this stuff! Wait…what?) "Mou, this is why I don't let my children cook! It never ends well," Lussuria pouted slightly. "Anyway, back to me and my sunglasses…"

"VOOOOOIIII! NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR FUCKING SUNGLASSES!" Squalo, who had managed to break out of his stupor, roared although he was still slightly pale. "WE HAVE A FUCKING MONSTER IN OUR KITCHEN BECAUSE OF THIS ANNOYING IDIOT!"

"OI! At least I TRIED to make some food!" Elizabeth yelled in protest, slightly pissed off. "But do you thank me? NO. You all gang up on me instead! When it's around nine in the morning too! And I have paperwork to do after this! I haven't even had my tea yet! I AM STRESSED!" the brunette broke down sobbing and clutching onto her captain again. "I need food and tea," she whimpered.

"VOOOIIII! MAKE OUR FUCKING BREAKFAST!" Squalo pointed his sword at Lussuria, slightly taken aback by Elizabeth's sudden outburst.

"I have made my standing perfectly clear Squ-chan! N-O!" Lussuria turned his back on the man.

"VOOOIIII! FAKE PRINCE!" Squalo then turned to Bel who glared at the swordsman from under his bangs.

"I am NOT a fake prince!" he hissed angrily in response, getting out some knives using his arm that wasn't being taken hostage by the crying, stressed and not to mention tea and food deprived Elizabeth.

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! MAKE US BREAKFAST!" Squalo ordered.

"Hell no."

"VOOOOOIIIIIII!"

As Bel and Squalo argued loudly, nobody even noticed the door opening and a fiery aura terrifying the hell out of everyone else in the room. Apart from Fran. Because we can't make him feel THAT many emotions in one day now can we? Elizabeth whimpered loudly again, clutching onto her captain tighter making the blonde look down at her. "Servant, _what is it_?" he asked her angrily.

"Trash."

Squalo and Bel snapped up their heads instantly to see Xanxus glaring at them, his hands on his guns. Okay, that look definitely didn't mean he was going to say something good. Hell.

"Where the fuck is my food?"

Everyone in the room began talking at once, Squalo occasionally yelling 'VOI' and Elizabeth sometimes sobbing 'TEA'. "AND IT'S ALL HIS FAULT!" everyone said in unison and pointed at Lussuria who blinked.

"Me? What did I do?" he asked. Unfortunately for him, Xanxus believed that all questions could be answered with violence. Yay. "ELIZA-CHAN! HELP!" Lussuria shrieked as his boss began to shoot at him, the man dodging in the strangest ways imaginable.

"I'm sorry Luss-nee but denying me tea is just…just…INHUMAN!" the girl looked away, tears in her eyes.

"Eliza-chan…" he looked at her guiltily. He then remembered that his boss was trying to kill him and let out a squeal of displeasure. "STOP! TIME OUT! STOP! STOP!"

Xanxus, being the nice person he was, stopped. For a second. It was then, when Lussuria was dodging the flames by doing a pirouette (like I said, strangest ways imaginable) he accidently crashed into the already broken table, courtesy of Squalo, and out of his pocket flew a red object. "Ah…" Lussuria looked at them, Xanxus having stopped shooting again for some unknown reason. "My sunglasses."

Silence.

"VOOOOOOOOIIIII! YOU HAD THEM ALL THE FUCKING TIME?" Squalo hollered in disbelief.

"Ahaha, it seems so!" Lussuria laughed nervously. "Wait, why do all of you look like you are going to murder me? Eliza-chan, are you channeling that tea god thingy again? I'm sorry about the whole breakfast and tea business so can we just forget about it? Wait…NOOOOOOOOO!"

Fran sighed as he looked on, sipping some hot chocolate that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere (WHERE THE HELL DO YOU KEEP GETTING THIS STUFF?). "Ah, now who is going to make breakfast?"

_Later_

"STOP SLACKING OFF! KEEP ON GOING!" Elizabeth shouted at the new recruits who were doing push ups in the training room, Bel and her supervising them. Well, when I say supervising I mean Elizabeth walking along the poor exercising people's aching backs and Bel throwing knives at those who weren't going fast enough. Calculated number of people dead by the end of the training session: everyone. "YOU THERE!" the brunette suddenly pointed at one of the weedy looking recruits of whom Bel had thrown about one hundred knives at already.

"Y-yes ma'am?" the man managed to wheeze, terrified of what she might do to him. He had seen what she had done to 'crazed gunman' guy and didn't particularly want to die yet.

"NAME!"

"F-Fabian ma'am!"

"Ah, you actually told me!" the brunette beamed happily, off in her own little world as the man whose back she was standing on whimpered in pain, Bel throwing a knife at him in response. God did he love training sessions~! "Anyway, GO MAKE ME TEA!" she ordered.

"Ushi shi shi~ coffee too," the blonde sang, twirling another of his favored weapons expertly in his slender fingers. The man called Fabian obliged immediately, glad to have gotten out of that hell hole. Why had he even thought that joining the Varia would have been a good idea? WHY? Fabian strolled along the corridors, his muscles screaming with every step he took. He was going to die, he was certain of it! Sure, some of the girl's he had met during his stay so far had been cute, Elizabeth being one of them, but she was completely and utterly insane! And he didn't even want to get started on her crazy mood swings when tea was involved! Sighing, he eventually found the room he was looking for and pushed the door open…

"ARRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!"

Elizabeth and Bel both blinked as they heard an undeniably masculine scream from the training room. "What was that?" the blonde murmured, his ever-constant smile having vanished, a grim line replacing it.

"Maybe Levi finally died?" Elizabeth suggested hopefully but her captain shook his head.

"No, the peasant sounds different when he's screaming," he told her knowingly.

"How do you know?"

"…"

"Oh my god…you didn't…"

"Ushi shi shi~ you know I have no idea what you are talking about?"

"YOU LIE! YOUR EYES TELL ME THE TRUTH!" Elizabeth pointed at him accusingly.

"Servant, you can't even SEE them."

"SAYS WHO?"

"The prince."

"Huh…seems legit," the girl shrugged casually. "Wait, what were we talking about again?"

"Lieutenant Elizabeth! Captain Belphegor!" Fabian burst into the room, his shirt ripped and his chest bleeding slightly.

"Woah, nice look dude. The ripped half dead look his totally sexy," Elizabeth gave him the thumbs up making the man blush slightly before shaking his head, remembering why he was there in the first place.

"I-it's terrible! T-this THING attacked me and it's heading this way!" Fabian cried making his two higher ups blink in confusion.

"Peasant, what do you mean by 'thing'?" Bel asked him, curious.

"Ah, Squ-chan does become a scary thing when he is on his monthly's," Elizabeth piped up.

"VOOOIIII! I AM NOT ON MY MONTHLY'S!" Squalo howled as he marched into the room.

"You know, I'm beginning to love how whenever I say that you appear," Elizabeth sighed happily before frowning. "Wait, I thought you were at the other end of the headquarters? How the hell did you here me?" the brunette then gasped. "Don't tell me…you really ARE Super Squalo!"

"VOOOOOIIIII! MY NAME IS SUPERBI SQUALO, NOT SUPER SQUALO!"

"That's some obvious alter ego long haired commander," Fran drawled as he walked into the room. "Everyone would be able to know you were Super Squalo from your name. You just added 'bi' to super."

Elizabeth gasped. "Squ-chan is a bi?"

"VOOOIIIIII! I AM NOT BISEXUAL!"

"Eliza-chan, you KNOW he is a bi!" Lussuria waltzed into the room, injuries on his person that had not been there yesterday. "I mean, I'm married to him _and _he's married to boss! So since I am a woman, it makes him a bi!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot…"

"VOOOOOOOIIIIII! STOP MAKING UP SHIT!"

"Squ-chan, language!" Lussuria and Elizabeth both chided him in unison. Squalo was speechless. What the FUCK was wrong with them?

"Captain Belphegor! That thing is coming this way!" Fabian reminded the blonde who was laughing at Lussuria and Elizabeth who were talking about Squalo's 'love life'. God was it amusing to watch!

"Peasant," he turned to Fabian who was pale and terrified. "What is this 'thing'?"

Fabian opened his mouth to speak when the door to the training room was flung open again and in went… "MY CAKE!" Elizabeth shrieked as a black gooey mess slid its way towards her, everyone else looking on in horror.

"What has been seen cannot be unseen. What has been seen cannot be unseen…" Squalo had managed to find his way into the corner of the room and began his chant again, Fran's eyes widening slightly again. The black mess, who had eyes for some reason, swiveled their eyeballs around making most of the recruits look violently sick, the rest passing out in fear.

"Servant," Bel cleared his throat, not having noticed that it had become dry at the sight of that…thing. "That is not a cake."

"What do you mean?" Elizabeth cocked her head to one side. "What else would it be?"

"That's what the prince wants to know."

"THHHHHHREEEEAAAAAASSSSS!" the black mess hissed through its mouth that was curled into a vulgar smile.

"Three's?" the brunette blinked, confused. "Why is it saying three's?"

"Cute-sempai, aren't even curious about why it is even talking?" Fran asked her.

"Why should I be? It's a cake!"

"…Cute-sempai, you do know what a cake is, right?"

"Che, who do you take me for? An idiot?" Elizabeth laughed.

Silence.

"Nobody is laughing with me are they?" the girl hung her head sulkily. "And to think I worked so hard on my Compound Atomic Kelpie Explosive!"

Everyone, including the chanting Squalo, looked at her. "Compound Atomic Kelpie Explosive?"

"Yeah!" Elizabeth beamed. "Cake!"

Silence.

"VOOOOOIIIIII! You mean you purposefully made this? FOR US TO EAT?" Squalo's mouth dropped open.

"I heard they were delicacies," Fran droned.

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THEY WERE A FEW SECONDS AGO!"

"TREEEEEAAAASSSSSS!" C.A.K.E hissed again.

"Why is it now saying trees?" Elizabeth wondered.

"Maybe it's aware of the environmental crisis?" Lussuria suggested.

"Why am I surrounded by bloody idiots?" Squalo groaned.

"I never knew you were British like me Squ-chan," Elizabeth gushed. "So I guess you like tea too?"

"VOOOOOIIIIIII! I AM NOT BRITISH!"

"You say you are not so many things but we all know the truth~!"

Before Squalo could yell at the girl again, C.A.K.E slid further into the room, their sinister smile disturbing all of the awake and violently ill new recruits. "TREEEEEAAAAAA!"

"Kyah! Squ-chan, it's scaring me!" Lussuria wailed and clung to Squalo. "IT'S SCARING ME!"

"WHY THE HELL SHOULD I CARE?" the man pushed them away but inside, they were just as freaked out and tempted to go into the corner again and continue their chant.

"I swear, every time it speaks it loses another letter," Elizabeth muttered before turning to Bel. "Do you think that it's normal?"

"Ushi shi shi~ who knows?" Bel laughed but inside he was freaking. His lieutenant's creation was just goddamn creepy! C.A.K.E suddenly seemed to take a deep breath before letting out a bloodcurdling shriek.

"TEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!" it suddenly jumped at one of the recruits and 'swallowed' them. By 'swallowed' I mean had it's black sludgy gooey-ness engulf it and make them part of their body. A few seconds later, C.A.K.E's face now had four eyes, two mouths and two noses, half of them looking like the ones of the swallowed recruits.

"…I would approve since they shouted tea but…" Elizabeth shuddered. "That was plain creepy."

As soon as she finished speaking, the room erupted into chaos, all of the recruits running around and screaming whilst the guardians and Elizabeth stayed fairly calm. When I say calm…I lied. Sorry about that. "WE ARE GOING TO DIE!" Lussuria shrieked and clung to Squalo who was too freaked out to do anything about it.

"Cute-sempai, do you feel bad? Sine your creation is going to kill us all…" Fran told her in a monotone voice.

"NOOO! I AM TOO GOOD LOOKING TO DIE!" the brunette yelled and ran out of the room, past C.A.K.E who was too busy guzzling the unconscious recruits on the floor, Bel, who also thought he was too good looking to die rushing after her. Unfortunately for them, C.A.K.E noticed their departure and although there was various easy targets they could eat, slid after them for some unknown reason. "NO! THEY ARE AFTER ELIZA-CHAN AND BEL-CHAN!" Lussuria shrieked, letting go of Squalo.

"And what are you going to do about that?" Fran asked him.

"…Hug Squ-chan?"

Okay, it was official. Bel and Elizabeth were going to die.

_Elsewhere_

"HOW THE HELL CAN IT KEEP UP WITH US WHILE IT IS SLIDING?" Elizabeth hollered as she and Bel ran down another corridor, C.A.K.E close behind.

"YOU WERE THE ONE WHO MADE IT SERVANT!" Bel yelled as they both crashed into a room filled with lower ranking officers on their coffee break. Needless to say, they were scared shitless when they saw C.A.K.E slide in after the two. A few seconds later, the two running people emerged from the door on the other side of the room.

"You know, I think it got bigger after we went through that room" Elizabeth remarked, Bel shooting her a 'well isn't that GREAT' look. "What? It's not like it's my fault! Oh wait, it actually is…"

"TEEEAAAAAA!" C.A.K.E screeched again, Bel wondering why the hell it was screaming that. Then it hit him.

"Servant," he began, his teeth gritting together. "You have tea on you don't you?"

"W-what makes you think that?" Elizabeth's eyes darted from side to side suspiciously.

"Ushi shi shi~ the prince demands you hand it over."

"NO!" his lieutenant looked horrified. "YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAY MY TEA! GET YOUR OWN!"

"Servant!" Bel's voice became more impatient. "Hand it over!"

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

Bel got out his knives. In response, Elizabeth let out a shrill shriek and darted left, crashing through a nearby door and rolling along the floor before coming to a stop, Bel rushing in after her. "Trash. What the fuck are you doing in here?" Xanxus, who was sitting down before a giant oak table with a plate of steak in front of him alongside a mug of tea. Before the two could answer, C.A.K.E slid in and the brunette jumped to her feet before pressing herself against the wall, her creation freaking the hell out of her. The black gooey mess eyed her with their now hundreds of eyes and was about to go towards her when…

"TEEEEAAAAA!" C.A.K.E screeched and suddenly appeared in front of Xanxus before bending their head down and swallowing the mug of tea whole. Now if there is something you should know about Xanxus, he really liked his tea. No, he fucking loved it. So what happened to the scum who decided to steal his favorite hot beverage? They died. End of.

"FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" Xanxus roared as he proceeded to murder C.A.K.E, Elizabeth and Bel watching on with a sort of relief.

_And so this was how the Varia found out that letting Elizabeth go into the kitchen and make anything without proper supervision was a seriously bad idea. So, well done Squalo for figuring this out before anybody else. Have a medal._

**Extra: Cinderella and the tea slipper**

Once upon a time lived a beautiful girl named Cinderella (yeah, I know this isn't her actual real name and long story short: I'm lazy to have the whole song and dance with her having her name changed :P Elizabeth: You won't even do it for me? I feel unloved! Even if I am Cinderella!). Her mother had died a long time ago but she and her kind father lived happily together (Xanxus: Fucking trash, make me tea. Elizabeth: TEEEEEAAAAAAA!). However all good things come to an end and one day her father came home with a proud haughty woman (Squalo: VOOOOIIIIII! I AM NOT A WOMAN! Elizabeth: No, Discoabc did a very good description of you XD) and announced that they were to be married (Xanxus & Squalo: … Elizabeth: LOL!). Cinderella, being the kind girl she was, accepted this and fully supported their relationship. After the two adults were wed, Cinderella's stepmother and her two ugly daughters moved in (Lussuria: Me? Ugly? *Starts to cry* Levi on the other hand… Levi: WHAT DID YOU SAY?) It was then that Cinderella found out the true nature of her new family members and she was forced to act like a servant for them such as cleaning the house from top to bottom. If her wicked stepmother (Squalo: VOOOIIIII! I AM NOT A GIRL!) found even a speck of dust she would beat the girl (Squalo: Most sane thing suggested in this story. Elizabeth: SCREW YOU!) but not harm her face (Elizabeth: NOOOO! NOT THE FACE! Oh, wait…) so that her oblivious husband would not know of the abuse she was giving his daughter. For Cinderella, being the kind hearted heroine (Squalo: You wish. Elizabeth: Le gasp! HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH A THING?) of this story, did not speak a word of this horrendous torture that happened to her day in and day out to her father at all, putting his happiness before hers (Elizabeth: Dad! They are beating me! Xanxus: Why the fuck should I care? Make me so more tea.).

Whilst she was enduring this horrible treatment, in a nearby palace a young prince, who enjoyed being rebellious more than anything else (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ the prince approves~), was being heckled by his parents (Gokudera: WHY THE HELL AM I MARRIED TO THIS BASEBALL IDIOT! Yamamoto: Maa, let's calm down a bit shall we?). "Find a suitable wife dammit!" the Queen, distraught with her son's behavior, told him anxiously, the king nodding in agreement. They had shown him pictures of beautiful princesses from nearby kingdoms who were all eager to marry him (Bianchi: My heart belongs to Reborn. Haru: Hahi! Tsuna is my only one! Kyoko: Hmm? A prince? *Emits oblivious sparkles*) but the young prince did not want to marry any of them (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ they are all pathetic.). Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. "Tch, we are going to have a ball this weekend. No, not a baseball you baseball idiot!" the queen told him.

"Maa, let's calm down a bit shall we? Anyway, at this ball all the girl's in the kingdom shall be invited so find a good wife! Ahahaha!" the king smiled at his son who (Bel: disagreed with the whole thing) reluctantly agreed to take part in their match-making scheme yet again (Bel: …Fuck). So invites were sent out to all the ladies in the land who were eligible for marriage. Of course, the ugly stepsisters and Cinderella were invited too, the three being delighted at the prospect (Levi: I shall stay with boss and protect him from harm, not go to a stupid ball! Fran: Why would I even want to go? Elizabeth: Boring…wait, free food and tea? Uh, HELL YES AM I GOING!). However the wicked stepmother (Squalo: I give up…) was determined to have HER daughter marry the prince (Levi: Me marry HIM? Lussuria: Mou, Discoabc is so mean! I don't want Squ-chan to be my mother, I want him to be my husband! Elizabeth: You mean wife. Squalo: VOOOIIIII!) and, in order to increase their chances forbade the beautiful Cinderella from going (Elizabeth: NOOOOOO! HOW COULD YOU DEPRIVE ME OF FREE FOOD AND TEA! HOW COULD YOU?).

"VOOOIIII! Make my daughters' dresses now!" the wicked stepmother commanded poor Cinderella who was already distraught at the prospect of her not being allowed to go to the ball (Elizabeth: I AGREE COMPLETELY WITH MY FAIRY TALE SELF! I AGREE!). But the beautiful girl, however upset she was, still acted kind hearted towards her step family members and made the two girls gorgeous gowns so that they would impress the prince even though she herself was completely in love with the idea of meeting the royal young man (Elizabeth: I am? I thought I was going for the tea…). Before she knew it, the day of the ball had come and her stepsisters and stepmother bid their scornful farewells to Cinderella (Levi: If anything happens to boss I'll kill you! Lussuria: Bye Eliza-chan~ Squalo: VOOOIIII! WHY THE FUCK AM I GOING TOO? Elizabeth: Bring back some food and tea for me~!). The poor girl sat in front of the fireplace and wept for she had so wanted to go to the ball and meet the prince (Elizabeth: No, I wanted the tea. Wait…is there a brand of tea called The Prince? HOLY COW, I WANNA GOOOOOOO! *Cries*). Suddenly the room was filled with pink smoke and a woman with short aqua colored hair appeared, holding a wand.

"W-who are you?" Cinderella asked them curiously.

"I am your fairy godmother even though it is a real pain to be one but Author-san is evil," the fairy told her making Cinderella's eyes sparkle with joy. A fairy godmother! "What do you wish for?"

"I-I want to go to the ball," Cinderella told her fairy godmother shyly (Fran: Author-san is terrible and describing you Cute-sempai.).

"Then you shall go to the ball," the fairy godmother told her (Elizabeth: Did you seriously just say that? Fran: …No.) and transformed Cinderella's rags into a beautiful blue gown and her worn shoes into glass slippers. (Elizabeth: Wait, are they hollow inside? Fran: Yes, why? Elizabeth: …Can you put tea inside them? Pretty please? *bats eyelashes* Fran: No.) She then transformed a pumpkin (Mukuro: I'M A PINEAPPLE! Wait, no I'm not!) into a golden carriage, two mice (Ken: WHAT? Chikusa: Why me?) into horses and a rat (Chrome: ? Me: Sorry…there wasn't anything good left *feels guilty and pats her on the head*) into a coachman. "Now, you must return by the final stroke of midnight because then the illusions run out and Shishou will kill me," the fairy godmother warned her (Elizabeth: I'm going for the free food and the brand of tea called The Prince. Why should I care how I look and whether you survive the night? Fran: …Because I am a top magician. Elizabeth: Good point.). Cinderella thanked her for the warning and clambered into the golden carriage before riding off towards the palace.

Meanwhile, the two ugly stepsisters were attempting to woo the prince but he had no interest in them despite their beautiful handmade gowns. (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ Why the hell would I go for two cross dressing freaks?) The wicked stepmother was obviously furious but before she could give her daughters any pointers in how to capture the young man's heart, Cinderella arrived in her gorgeous dress, her long brown hair swaying slightly as she walked into the room wearing her glass slippers (Elizabeth: That Fran finally agreed to put tea in. HELL YEAH!). Her and the prince's eyes met across the room (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ How did this happen when the prince's eyes are covered? Elizabeth: DO NOT QUESTION MY ABILITIES! Bel: I won this argument earlier. Elizabeth: Damn…) and they were instantly smitten with each other (Elizabeth & Bel: ; *dies* Fran: *claps*). The handsome man instantly abandoned the two stepsisters to talk to this beautiful young lady, a slight blush creeping across his features (Elizabeth: WHAT THE HELL? Bel: Agreed.).

"Ushi shi shi~ so who might you be?" he asked her in his seductive low voice (Elizabeth: I thought this was a kids fairy tale?) and bent low to kiss her hand. Cinderella became flustered by his sudden advances (Elizabeth: Aren't we all…) but before she could find her voice to answer the prince the orchestra started to play. "May the prince dance with you, princess?" the man asked her and Cinderella, still unable to find her voice, simply nodded (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ so the prince made you lose your voice? Elizabeth: You know, this romantic pairing seems familiar… Squalo: They still don't remember what happened last time *sweat drops*). The prince grinned as he took her hand and pulled her into the middle of the hall where all the other couples were dancing (Elizabeth: WHAT ABOUT MY TEA DAMMIT?) and whirled her around expertly, Cinderella blushing the whole time.

"VOOOIIIII! Who is that woman?" the wicked stepmother demanded to know, jealous that her daughters had not caught the prince's eye despite the fact that they had spent more time with him than any of the rest of the girls so far. But everyone she asked had no idea who the beautiful Cinderella was for without her rags and grubby face she looked like a completely different person. The prince and Cinderella spent the rest of the ball together, either dancing or simply talking, enjoying each others company (Elizabeth: WHAT ABOUT MY TEA? WHAT ABOUT MY TEA?). However, on the last dance of the night the clock began to toll midnight and Cinderella remembered her fairy godmother's words (Elizabeth: NO! THE TOP MAGICIAN WILL DIE!) and fled the ball, one of he glass slippers falling over her feet as she sprinted away.(Elizabeth: NOOOOOO! I SPENT FOREVER PERSUADING FRAN TO PUT TEA IN THERE DAMMIT!) The prince tried to chase after her but alas as soon as he got outside, there was no sight of her, only a girl in grubby clothing rushing away. He picked up her glass slipper (Bel: Is that tea inside?) and vowed to find the girl it belonged to. The next day he went around to every house in the kingdom, trying to find the beautiful woman he had fallen in love with (Bel: … Elizabeth: Why do I feel sort of disturbed too?). Meanwhile at Cinderella's house, the two ugly stepsisters were talking nonstop about the girl who had captured the prince's heart (Levi: I don't care about her. Lussuria: Aww, but she was so CUTE! Just like Eliza-chan! Elizabeth: Yeah…I never got my tea *sniff*). Cinderella heard their conversation and how the prince was searching for his one true love and felt her heart flutter (Elizabeth: …No comment) before thinking back to her glass slipper she had hidden in her room. "VOOOIIIII! Why are you slacking off?" the wicked stepmother bellowed upon seeing her. "Get back to work!"

Cinderella obliged instantly, too happy with her thoughts on the prince to even notice the glare the older woman had given her (Elizabeth: IMMA GONNA GET BACK MY TEA SLIPPER! YAYAYAY!).

The stepmother was determined to have the prince marry one of HER daughters and she wouldn't allow the beautiful stranger at the ball last night to steal him away! Suddenly there was a knock at the door and the house was filled with frenzied excitement, even Cinderella's father was feeling hopeful that a member of his family might be picked! (Xanxus: Why the fuck should I care about some prince scum? Get me my tea trash!) He answered the door and the prince along with a faithful servant carrying the glass slipper entered. The stepsisters fought with each other to see who would try on the shoe first (Levi: You go first. I don't even want to try it on. Lussuria: I don't want to marry the prince either, can't I marry the Sun King Ryohei from a few kingdoms over?) but it made no difference, the shoe not fitting either of them. It was then that Cinderella walked into the room having finished cleaning and saw the prince, blushing immediately (Elizabeth: Kill me now! Squalo: Gladly.). Her eyes then fixated their gaze upon her glass slipper, recognizing it instantly (Elizabeth: GIMME MY TEA SLIPPER BITCH!). She asked calmly to try it on and her request was accepted although the two stepsisters and their mother taunted her endlessly saying that an ugly girl such as her would never own such a beautiful shoe (Lussuria: Actually, I can't imagine anybody other than Eliza-chan owning a tea slipper. Levi: Agreed.). However, much to their surprise, it fitted her perfectly.

"VOOOOIIIII! But that's impossible!" the stepmother was the first to break out of her stupor. "She stayed here for the entirety of the ball!"

"I shall prove I was there then," Cinderella raced off into her room and returned with the other glass slipper (Elizabeth: I HAVE THEM BOTH NOW! MUWHAHAHAHA!). The prince then looked at Cinderella closely and gasped upon seeing that her pretty facial features were the same as the girl he had fallen in love with last night (Bel: *hits head against wall repeatedly*). He immediately asked her to marry him and Cinderella, for she loved him too, accepted (Elizabeth & Bel: Al/bg'sodbg/;zbg *dies again* Fran: *claps again*). And so they were married the next day and ruled over the kingdom happily together having one of the longest reigns ever recorded in the history of their land. And they lived happily ever after. Well, the stepsisters and stepmother didn't but who cares about them? (Levi & Lussuria & Squalo: OI!)

**Discoabc: I have to go to school tomorrow *cries***

**Squalo: We. Are. Not. Doing. That. Again. Ever.**

**Discoabc: And next time we are doing everyone's favorite fairy tale with a twist: TANGLED!**

**Squalo: FUCK!**

**Elizabeth: What happened? All I remember was tea slippers…**

**Bel: And those two Vongola brats being my parents…**

**Everybody: They forgot AGAIN? How?**

**Discoabc: *hides baseball bat covered in two certain people's blood behind my back***

**Everybody: Oh.**

**Elizabeth: Well, review and tell me WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi~ Tell us now *takes out knives* Or else~!**

**Discoabc: *starts running***

**Bel: Ushi shi shi~ Bye bi~!**

**Fran: *Sigh* Being a fairy godmother is annoying…**


	12. THE FUCKING SWEAR BOX!

**Yo peeps! I'M BACK! Sorry it took so long but I was sort of crying about school…*starts sobbing again* WHY ME? WHY ME CRUEL WORLD? WHAT DID I EVER DO? Okay, crying moment over. Thought of the day: I think that a pig made of marshmallows would be very tasty. Yuuuum. Wait…what? Shout outs~!**

**KayleeXD: My friends are always commenting on how well I get on with my brothers…ANYHOW! Now you can meet the Tea God! And who knows? Maybe you'll met Eliza-chan too :) Agreed, Lussuria deserved it for depriving them of food and…and…TEA! EVIL! Wait! I change my mind! I still love you Luss-nee, my older sister/mother! DON'T KILL ME! Yeah, poor Fabian…he will appear one day again and who knows? Maybe I'll make them epic. SUPER SQUALO TO THE RESCUE WITH HIS SONIC 'VOI'! XD Now I am scared of cake…*eats a slice while still looking serious* yep, I'm scared of it. Bel! Didn't anybody teach you to reduce, reuse, recycle? I'M ASHAMED OF YOU! Wait, he destroyed trees, not forgot to recycle…ignore me please. British Squalo would probably be the funniest damn thing in the entire universe XD And I agree with you, most dysfunctional family EVER! Fran being a fairy was ALWAYS going to end well. ALWAYS. Yeah Mukuro, ACCPET YOUR INNER PINEAPPLE! WE ALL HAVE ONE! INCLUDING HIBA-CHAN! AND HE LIKES DAMN PINEAPPLES! Teas slippers: Coming to a shop/café near you! The more you read this story, the more you love it? YAY! School…my first actual thought was 'kill me now'. Sad face. **

**CrylikeRaina: You loved the chappie again! I COUNT THAT AS A WIN! We will meet Eliza-chan's old boss EVENTUALLY but we find out her past in a different way which I think will be really fun to read. Thanks for the suggestion though! I almost forgot about the old boss's existence! …I don't think I should have admitted that…YOU HEARD NOTHING!**

**Soul Vrazy: Crazy and funny FOR THE WIN! XD The Cinderella part was good too? YAY! *looks at slice of black forest cake* I should be scared of cakes forever from the last chappie I wrote but…*shrugs and eats it anyway* ABSENCE OF COMMON SENSE FOR THE WIN!**

**Che-Shire-Cat-17: You are dying? NOOOOO! *Picks up phone* Byakuran? Yeah, one of my reviewers is dying from laughter. Yeah, another one… *puts down phone* Epicness and tea are the two things I cannot live without :) **

**Fire Tests Silver: I read your review and all I can say is high five on the not being able to sleep matter. Too many times have I stayed up for too long when reading funny fanfics, too many times… *looks off into the distance dramatically* but I regret nothing afterwards :P I have Mammon moments too often. Way too often…and don't tell anybody but I think that Asian tea is the best too. BUT British tea is epic too. It may be because I drink it all the time…I think it's gone to my brain. *looks on your profile like the little stalker I am XD* Y-you STOLE MY SOUL! NOOOOOOOO! And you like Mortal Instruments? High five me. No questions. Just…high five me.**

**LoStInIlLuSiOn: I can actually imagine Lussuria thinking he's lost his glasses and then having them the whole time. I've done it with my phone instead way to much. *Cries* I'm like Elizabeth. NEVER let me near the kitchen. I mean I can cook but most of the time…BOOM. You get the picture. And so this is why insane people are not allowed near any kitchen appliances. Except the kettle for tea. I kinda feel sorry for Squalo since everyone is driving him insane…*stops feeling guilty and starts laughing instead* Yeah, Levi had somebody agree with him. FOR ONCE. This is a day that will go down in history, HISTORY! Wait, scratch that. FRAN SHOWED EMOTIONS! THIS IS AN EVEN BIGGER ACHIEVEMENT! THIS WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR YEARS TO COME AND…what was I talking about again? -_- Yeah, NEVER UNDESTIRMATE THE POWER OF CAKE! NEVER! I too,want cake. And the feeling of not understanding what the hell you just wrote? I get that all the time. And you as a reader probably know that even better than I do. Oh and Levi survived (un)fortunately. I want Fran's 'I can get drinks whenever I want' super power. But NEVER MIND for we have SUPER SQUALO, the best bisexual super hero there is! I want a tea slipper too but Elizabeth being the kinda main character here only SHE gets it (lucky bitch. Elizabeth: WHAT? Me: Don't worry, I love you really~!). I was going to actually have Luss-nee as the fairy godmother and Fran as an ugly stepsister but that seemed so, so wrong. So I made it even more wrong instead XD. Goku-chan and Yama-chan as a royal couple would be so fricken funny that I would probably just die laughing every time I saw them. Yes, me and my weird fantasies . Even though I am not a fan of yaoi. Err…ignore me. And I will actually explain Xanxus's love of tea. Yes, IT HAS A BACKSTORY! *Feels epic* and yes, I used Yama-chan's baseball bat. Don't tell him though. He'll give me one of those 'Oh I'm not mad but do it again and I will rip your head off' smiles. *Cries* And yes, PINEAPPLES ARE COOL MUKURO! EVEN HIBA-CHAN ADMITS IT! ASK THE ANGER MANAGEMENT GUY WHO I HAVE ALREADY FORGOTTEN THE NAME OF! YAY! **

**Yuki-shi-chan: You love it! I CONSIDER THAT A COMPLETE WIN!**

**ShinigamiinPeru: Yeah, Elizabeth and her crazy C.A.K.E. I don't want to get on the wrong side of her…and I'm glad you liked the Cinderella story :) I already have a request to do the Alice in Wonderland story so don't you worry, IT SHALL BE WRITTEN!**

**Jax2000: That was somewhat an angry sounding review and praising at the same time…O.o**

**ixCheshire: REVIEWS! I LOVE THEM! Aww, I fucking love you too! Wait, that sounded weird…NEVER MIND! Elizabeth and Bel burning down things is always good! ALWAYS! Le gasp! If Eliza-chan is like your twin and she is meant to be my twin then…OMG! MY LONG LOST SISTER! *huggles* I always wanted a twin *wipes tear away* GASP! What do you mean word? Huggles isn't a word? BLASPHEMY! Hide and seek rocks… ELIZA! GO DO AS MY BUNNY WANTED! WE ALL DEMAND YOU TO DO SO! I'm so glad Mary is alive *sniff* I still need her for comedy! I STILL NEED HER! I think all assassins should have a bring your kid to work day. Because I believe the mafia world would run smoother if run by kids. And yes I got into a debate with my teacher on this. And yes I won somehow. And yes I don't want you to ask why. And yes, it was blackmail. But SHUSH! DON'T TELL ANYONE! Ah, stripping Bel. An image that will ****never**** be erased from my memory… I start yelling 'MARY, MY LOVE' every time I see a cow. Even when they are a male one…I will do Red Riding Hood as soon as possible cause I have A WAITING LIST! *Feels like the professional person I'm not* But it shall happen one day! IT SHALL HAPPEN!**

**Mistress of Madness: MY COOKIE! MY LOVE! *****Huggles***** STOP TELING HUGGLES ISN'T A WORD DAMMIT! *sigh* If you really want to know what a hickey is then I'll tell you. BUT on my birthday you must bake a cake and offer a slice up to me and the Tea god (give me a larger piece!) October the fifth darling, don't forget it~ No really, DON'T. A hickey is a love bite ie when your boyfriend/girlfriend bites your neck lovingly. Yes, it sounds painful and I have never had one before. Don't get the reason of it at all. I mean, BITING SOMEBODY'S NECK LOVINGLY? WHO CAN DO THAT? *looks at Hibari* no. NO. N-O. You get it? *Hibari just looks confused and walks off* ah, he's so cute when he doesn't understand what the hell is going on…ANYWAY! Luss-nee! Forget where your glasses are again and I shall be forced to make you read Squ-chan X Xanxus fanfiction. And we don't want that now do we? SO MAKE US SOME GODDAMN FOOD AND TEA! Super British Bisexual Squalo~ For some reason I now really want Goku-chan and Yama-chan as my parents…just Yama-chan will always cook. ALWAYS. Indeed, TEA SLIPPERS ROCK! Sorry Luss-nee, it seems you can't have Ryohei so you have to share Squ-chan with Xanxy-chan instead. Okay? I SHALL DO BEAUTY AND THE BEAST AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE! Now, just to check the waiting list…**

Chapter 12: THE FUCKING SWEAR BOX!

The days for the Varia guardians plus Elizabeth were rather repetitive. They would start off with Squalo yelling and swearing at everybody to 'GET THE FUCK UP' and everybody arguing with him before finally making their way to the dining room. Well, everybody apart from Levi and Xanxus cause Levi had to go off and wake up Xanxus who didn't give a shit about getting up at a reasonable time. No, I lie; he DID give a shit about waking up at a reasonable time. And that time was about two or three hours later than everybody else. Levi would then enter the dining room by being thrown across the table, knocking everything off including Elizabeth's tea at times and would later for some reason or another be thrown through a window into his new home: the water fountain. This would include a vast amount of swearing from Xanxus's, Squalo's and Elizabeth's mouth. Why Squalo? Because he could. Then Lussuria would bring in food and everybody would eat, Elizabeth finding a way to piss off Squalo, which would sometimes result in food being thrown across the room. And more swearing. Squalo would then have to go sign some more paperwork; something everybody else SHOULD be doing as well but instead didn't and dumped his or her work on the said man instead. Cue more swearing. Elizabeth and Bel would then go to train/torture their recruits, the rest of the guardians interrupting at various points for mostly stupid reasons. And of course, there would be more swearing. They would then eat lunch, Levi entering the dining room and exiting in the same way as he did breakfast time, and more fights would occur, mainly ones between Squalo and Elizabeth. That involved swearing. The group would then choose various missions to go on and the Varia castle would be left blissfully insane and swearing free for a couple of hours or so even though Xanxus would always stay behind. Why was there no swearing then? Because he needed a nap. Got a problem with that?

The guardians and Elizabeth would then return, Bel probably giggling about blood and Elizabeth fawning over her Cowee di Tempesta/Mary along with Lussuria being smitten with another man but crying over how they had died so easily and eventually coming to the conclusion that Squ-chan was definitely the one for him. And they ALWAYS came to that conclusion much to Squalo's dismay. Fran of course would still be apathetic to everything and everyone, Squalo still insufferably loud and Levi in love cough I mean loyal to his boss. And, naturally, their return would also mean that their foul language would come with them. And I don't mean Elizabeth's English when I say that. I mean S-W-E-A-R-I-N-G. Then Squalo would 'accidently' wake up Xanxus who would proceed to kill him by throwing wine glasses and bottles at him before Levi walked in and he was saved from his horrific fate. Because apparently killing Levi was far more stress relieving for his beloved boss. Along with more swearing. Yay. Of course whilst this was going on, Elizabeth and Bel would be reeking havoc somewhere, probably trying to burn down HQ for the millionth time with Lussuria running about screaming and Fran watching on with a drink in his hands as usual. (Un) fortunately, Squalo would stop the pair before anything really got too out of hand. With swearing. Then Bel, being somewhat the pervert he was, would flirt with Elizabeth who would find the whole thing hilarious, Fran commenting on how there would be little 'Cute-sempai's' and 'Fake prince-sempai's' after all whilst Lussuria went to cook dinner. Minor swearing involved. Then the group would have an important meeting with all the rest of the lieutenants attending. Major swearing involved.

During this process they would probably lose about four lieutenants who would make the mistake of A. trying to cut down on finances by restricting the amount of shampoo Squalo used (Squalo: VOOOIIII! DIE YOU BASTARD! MY HAIR NEEDS GODDAMN CARE ALL THE FUCKING TIME!). B. Try to cut down on finances by terminating the 'I love boss' club (Levi: I WILL KILL YOU IN THE NAME OF THE BOSS!) C. Try to cut down on finances by restricting the amount of custom handmade knives that Belphegor bought (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ DIE peasant) or, finally D. Try to cut down on finances by not buying tea anymore (Xanxus: Fucking trash *gets out guns* Elizabeth: DIE YOU FUCKING TEA HATING BASTARDS!). Mammon would be happy knowing how much the Varia's lieutenants cared about money. Even if they did die because of it. After this meeting/killing spree ended they would then all eat the food that Lussuria had prepared earlier, Levi not being able to eat any of it by being thrown across the dining table and then out of the window into his 'new home'. His lieutenant was beginning to wonder when he DID actually manage to eat anything in peace! Anyway, at the dinner table Squalo would not fight with Elizabeth but instead with Bel, the blonde insisting that insulting his servant was like insulting the prince himself. But the brunette would still verbally abuse the longhaired man for all she was worth. Cause…what else was she going to do, eat her food in silence? Psh, HELL NO! And, of course, there would be more swearing.

After dinner they would all go up to their rooms, excluding Squalo who needed to complete his-I mean everybody else's- paperwork. Elizabeth, Bel, Fran, Lussuria, Levi and occasionally Xanxus would then all log onto that Varia website and would chat to each other online like the little computer nerds they all were. Sense my sarcasm. Of course, this would be MOSTLY swear free (see Elizabeth and Xanxus) but once Squalo finally finished his paperwork and log onto the website himself, hell would break loose. And I mean the worse hell of them all, INTERNET HELL. And so incriminating photos of Squalo 'cheating' of Lussuria would be revealed along with Levi killing tea and thus several people would then open a new window and search for everybody's favorite killer seller, Assassins 'R Us. And why were assassins searching for assassins? Because they were lazy rich bastards and they were going to sleep in a second so like hell if they were going to kill somebody! You may be wondering why the lieutenants were so worried about money then. It was because most of them were accountants turned evil. I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN! I SO KNEW THEY WOULD TURN AGAINST US! Anyway, after ordering an assassin that would arrive between 3-5 working days using a gift card-Xanxus got one for his birthday- they would finally decide to go to sleep.

And then the whole process would start again with only minor changes such as Elizabeth trying to kill maybe a few more people because they were apparently tea murders. Yes minor. However, today was different. It seemed that Lussuria had noticed something that happened rather frequently every day and he most definitely didn't approve of it. No, not Squalo's denial of the deep love the two shared although he was agitated by that two. What was it? Well, let's just say that when he set down a huge box that had the words 'swear box' written across the top after breakfast had finished, Xanxus considered having a tantrum and committing suicide. Closely followed by Elizabeth and Squalo.

"VOOOIIIIII! What the hell is this?" Squalo roared, pointing his sword at the box as Bel cut the rope Elizabeth was going to use to hang herself.

"It is what it looks like," Lussuria told him, a serious expression on his face. "A swear box."

Squalo's mouth dropped open. "VOOOIIIII! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON?"

"Squ-chan, Eliza-chan and boss. It has come to my attention that you have been swearing far more than you should be! And especially you Eliza-chan! You are only a child!" Lussuria told the girl who was drinking her tea, a distraught expression on her face.

"But Luss-nee!" she whined, clearly upset. "I'm British! It's in my DNA to have a foul mouth and piss off everybody!" (And I am allowed to say this cause I am British. But if you are British and feel highly offended then HAHAHA!)

"You can annoy people without swearing," Fran pointed out.

"I CAN?"

"Your face pisses me off," Levi, who had climbed out of the water fountain yet again, informed the girl. Elizabeth's mouth dropped open. She then walked over to Lussuria and stuffed a twenty-euro note into the box.

"BITCH, I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!" she grabbed her guns and chased the man around the room a few hundred times, continuing to swear before suddenly stopping and sitting down. "Damn, I haven't got any more money on me."

"You know, some people consider 'damn' a swear words," Fran told her.

"FU…FU-TABULOUS! YEAH! FU-TABULOUS!" the brunette nodded, pleased with how she had covered up her mistake. "I am a fucking genius!"

Everybody stared at her.

"What?" and then it hit her. "HEY! DON'T THROW YOUR UMBRELLA AT ME!"

"It's not an umbrella, it's a parabola!" Levi told her defiantly.

"Dude, it's an umbrella."

"Cute-sempai, you still have to pay the swear box," Fran reminded her.

"Well ain't that FU-TABULOUS!" she huffed, crossing her arms. "Why are you all picking on me? Just because I'm a girl…AND SQUALO! YOU ARE MEANT TO BE ON MY SIDE! GIRL'S FOREVER DUDE!"

"VOOOIIIII! I AM NOT A FUCKING GIRL!" Squalo roared.

"Squ-chan~!" Lussuria sang, pointing to the swear box.

"FUCK!"

"Hmph, serves you right!" Levi laughed heartily. "Boss would never make such a mistake and have to pay that lowly bo-"

Everyone watched as Xanxus got up from his chair and dumped a ton of money in the box. "Happy fucking trash?" he hissed at Lussuria who pouted.

"Honestly, I don't think you get the whole idea of having a swear box!" he cried, frustrated. "It's meant to stop you all from swearing! If you just pay it loads before hand then you'll never learn!"

"But Lussuria-sempai…"

"CALL ME LUSS-NEE!"

"We all earn millions of Euro's a day," Fran pointed out.

"Details, details~!" the man waved his comment away easily.

"It's a massive flaw."

Lussuria gasped. "A-a massive flaw?" he whispered, looking dejected. "But I spent so long making the box…"

"FRAN!" Elizabeth rushed over to Lussuria and patted him on the back. "How could you say that to your own mother! And Captain! Don't just sit there 'ushi shi shi-ing'! The readers will think you are dead!"

"What do you mean by 'readers' servant?" Bel asked her, entertained by the whole thing. He, unlike three other people, did not swear frequently so Lussuria buying, sorry, MAKING a swear box made no difference to his life whatsoever.

"Our stalkers," the girl said seriously. "They follow what happens to us during our daily life and laugh at us."

"VOOOOIIIIII! IF THEY STALK US THEN THEY COULD BE ASSASSINS! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US ABOUT THIS EARLIER?" Squalo roared.

"Ah, still on your monthly's I see."

"VOOOOIIIIIIIII!"

"I don't think I blame them for laughing…" Fran muttered as he sipped on some vanilla milkshake, watching as Squalo continued to yell at Elizabeth who had somehow managed to find a state of inner peace and block the man's voice out. It may have had something to do with the tea…

"SIR!" suddenly a man crashed through the doors, bleeding heavily. "We are under attack by the Irritante family!"

"VOOOOIIIII! Deal with it yourselves! We are busy!" Squalo snapped.

"Further proof you are a girl. You refer to yourself like the Queen," Elizabeth giggled as Squalo held himself back from swearing at her.

"I was referring to ALL OF US!" he yelled.

"But I'm not busy so HA!" the girl stuck out her tongue triumphantly.

"THEN GO DEAL WITH THE ATTACK!"

"Sorry, I'm busy."

"VOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIII!" Squalo hollered and pointed his sword at her. "I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

"Squ-chan~!" Lussuria pointed to the swear box again.

"FUCK!"

"ARGH!" the man, who had informed them all of the attack, suddenly fell down, an arrow stuck through his stomach.

"I give it a eight, it wasn't emotional enough," Fran droned, holding up an eight

"Ushi shi shi~ the prince gives it a nine because it wasn't as good as my killing but it had a lot of blood~!" Bel sang, holding up a nine.

"I'll give it a seven, too much blood, not realistic enough," Elizabeth chirped, holding up a ten.

"VOOOIIII! IT WAS A REAL BODY! HOW COULD IT NOT BE REALISTIC?" Squalo howled. "AND YOU ARE HOLDING UP A TEN, NOT A SEVEN!"

"Don't question our decisions. We are the judges, not you," Elizabeth scolded him before turning to the man with an arrow through his stomach. "Congratulations, you are through to the next round of Dying has got No Talent Whatsoever otherwise known as Hell~!"

"T-thank you so much!" the man coughed out some blood before dying. RIP man, RIP. Suddenly three men walked in, each wearing white suits and one holding a crossbow.

"Heh, we are the Irritant Family's top hit men," they boasted proudly.

"Sorry, the auditions are over, come back next week~!" the brunette sang happily as Lussuria cried over his carpet that had gotten blood all over it again. No longer RIP man! BLOOD STAINS!

"VOOOIIII! What kinda idiots calls themselves the Annoying family in Italian?" Squalo glared at the intruders.

"I thought we were already speaking in Italian…" Elizabeth blinked. "With Japanese honorifics…WAIT! DOES THAT MEAN…"

Fran nodded.

"BUT I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SPEAK CHINESE!"

Silence.

"She's an idiot," the one holding the crossbow remarked.

"Tell me about it," Squalo sighed.

"SEE! MORE GIRL SPEAK!" Elizabeth shrieked. "AND IF THAT ISN'T DESCIVE PROOF I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS!"

"VOOOOIIIIII! I AM NOT A FUCKING GIRL!"

"Squ-chan~!"

"FUCK!"

"Oi, are you sure this is the Varia? They all look like weaklings," one of the men wearing white suits who we shall now call Bob whispered to his comrades.

"Agreed. Oh man, and I was looking for a good fight!" the man holding the crossbow that we shall now call John groaned.

"Yeah! They seem like they are even against swearing!" the third, now named Mark nodded in agreement.

"I AM GLAD THAT YOU NOTICED!" Lussuria, who was now wearing a white lab coat along with a whiteboard behind him, laughed confidently, Fran standing behind him in the same attire. "We in the Varia our now COMPLETELY against swearing! It not only makes you look like savages but also makes the whole working atmosphere so much more negative! And why we know this? IT IS FROM OUR AMAZING RESEARCH!" he pointed to the board behind him.

"Hurray," Fran said in a monotone voice, throwing confetti over the intruders.

"And so join us in our fight against swearing! JOIN US!" Lussuria grinned at the three men. "Well gentlemen? What is your decision?"

The three men formed a huddle. "I dunno guys, not swearing seems pretty straining…" John muttered.

"I thought they sold their idea really well! I think we should go for it guys!" Bob said excitedly.

"But then again, what will we do with the money we put in the swear box?" Mark wondered.

"How about you put it in the Elizabeth tea foundation? I heard it's for a very good cause…" the brunette suggested.

"Yeah! That's a brilliant idea!" John shouted, clapping his hands energetically. "Wait, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?" he fired his crossbow at her, the girl flipping backwards and dodging expertly.

"Isn't it obvious?" she asked, posing dramatically. "I AM THE GREAT SUPERBI SQUALO!"

"VOOOOIII! YOU'VE ALREADY USED THAT JOKE BEFORE!"

"VOOOOIIII! I CAN USE A JOKE WHENEVER I WANT!" the girl shrieked in response. "YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS CAUSE I HAVE MORE FRIENDS THEN YOU!"

"Ooooh, you gonna take that?" John asked, his hands on his hips.

"VOOOOIIII! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU FUCKING ARE!"

"Squ-chan~!"

"FUCK!"

"What's up with him?" Bob asked Elizabeth who flicked her hair behind her shoulders, grinning slyly.

"Oh, she's just on her monthly's," she told them.

"Oh…makes sense."

"VOOOOIIIIII! I AM NOT A FUCKING GIRL!"

"Squ-chan~!"

"THAT GOT OLD AGES AGO!"

"Squ-chan!" Lussuria held his hand to his heart in horror. "You think I'm OLD?"

"VOOOIIIIIII! ALL OF YOU ARE INSANE!" Squalo sat down in his chair, his hands covering his face. "We have three intruders and not ONE of you have even TRIED to kill them!"

"She has problems," Elizabeth whispered to the three men in front of her loudly.

"I AM NOT A FUCKING GIRL!"

"Squ-chan~!"

"SHUT UP!"

"Have you considered anger management?" Bob wondered.

"Well, we tried with my boss over there but let's just say IT DIDN'T WORK!" Elizabeth pointed over at Xanxus who was currently trying to kill Levi for some weird, unknown reason

"Ah, I see what you mean…"

"VOOOOIIIII! SOMEBODY AT LEAST _TRY _AND ATTACK THEM FOR GODS SAKE!" Squalo yelled, a desperate tone to his voice. He was going to complete lose it if he spent anymore time with these INSANE people. Fran got up and poked one of the intruders before turning to the longhaired man.

"I sorry longhaired commander, I tried my best but I can't take them down," he droned.

"YOU JUST FUCKING POKED THEM!"

"Squ-chan~!"

"I WILL **MURDER** YOU!"

"Squ-chan! Be nicer to your wife!" Elizabeth tutted. "Luss-nee will divorce you if this verbal abuse continues!"

"WE. ARE. NOT. MARRIED!"

"Ohoho, he's so forgetful!" Lussuria told the intruders lightly.

"You mean SHE'S so forgetful," Elizabeth corrected him.

"VOOOOOIIIIIIII!"

"BOOOOOOOSSSSSSS!" everyone turned and watched as Xanxus threw Levi's half dead body out of the window, his eyes burning with rage.

"HUNDRED EUROS HE'S LANDED IN THE WATER FOUNTAIN!" Elizabeth yelled as she stood on the dining room table, holding up her wallet.

"Ushi shi shi~ two hundred," Bel waved his wallet in the air.

"The servant says three hundred!"

"The prince says four hundred."

"CHILDREN! STOP BETTING!" Lussuria cried.

"ENGLAND SAYS BLOODY FIVE HUNDRED YOU WANKER!" Elizabeth yelled in English with her strong British accent.

"Ushi shi shi~ the prince says six hundred mate," Bel replied in the same language.

"DON'T JUST CHANGE TO A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE!" Lussuria marched over to the two and snatched their wallets away. "And Elizabeth, I thought you said you didn't have any more money on you!"

"I'm sowwy Luss-nee! It was only a small, tinsey winsey lie! Pwease fowgive me!" Elizabeth begged in the cutest voice she could muster.

"Promise you won't bet on whether Levi has landed in a specific place?" Lussuria asked her seriously.

"I promise," the brunette nodded solemnly.

"And you Bel-chan?"

"Ushi shi shi~ in case you didn't realize the prince is twenty-six," Bel said darkly. "So I shall do as I please."

"Captain, don't be so mean to Luss-nee!" Elizabeth scolded him as Lussuria cried quietly in the corner. "He's your MOTHER!"

"…I'm not going to point out how many things were wrong with that sentence, servant."

"Don't worry, I'm sure he's just going through a rebellious stage!" John patted the crying man on the back.

"You think so?" Lussuria looked up at him, tears streaming down his cheeks comically.

"YEAH!" Bob pumped his fists up in the air. "Now stop being down and get up again! Go on, you can do it!"

"You guys…" Lussuria sniffed as he stood up. "You guys are great! Shame that you are the enemy…WAIT!" he grinned slyly at John. "How do you feel about having a forbidden relationship?" he wriggled his eyebrows.

"Depends on how forbidden it is!" John replied, also wiggling his eyebrows.

"Ew…" Fran remarked blandly.

"Luss-nee!" Elizabeth gasped in a horrified tone. "Don't cheat on Squ-chan! SHE LOVES YOU!"

"VOOOOOIIII! STOP CALLING ME A GODDAMN GIRL!" Squalo howled.

"I am sorry," Elizabeth drawled, a mischievous smile on her face. "You are over eighteen and want to be recognized as a fully fledged woman don't you?"

Squalo closed his eyes and counted to ten before he jumped at the girl and fucking murdered her. Yes, fucking murdered her. Lussuria's swear bow applies to me to. I shall put the money in later. Now, ON WITH THE STORY! "If I am considered a woman then what the hell are you?" he asked the girl through gritted teeth.

"Ain't it obvious?" Elizabeth flicked her hair behind her shoulders, her chest puffed out proudly. "I am a citizen of the United Kingdom."

"I MEANT WHAT YOUR GENDER WAS!"

"Us people in England don't discriminate against gender. We are English first and foremost."

"We all know that isn't true."

"SHUDDAP DUDE!" the brunette scowled at him. "LET ME JUST LIVE THE ENGLISH DREAM!"

"You mean American dream Cute-sempai," Fran reminded her.

"Nope. I mean the tea dream."

"THAT ISN'T EVEN A REAL SAYING!" Squalo hollered, Elizabeth examining her nails as she did so.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you," she told him. "I was too busy wondering why my nails aren't as perfect as your ones."

"VOOOOIII! THAT'S BECAUSE YOU DON'T TAKE ENOUGH CARE OF THEM!" Squalo marched over to her and grabbed her hand. "YOU NEED TO ALWAYS BE CHECKING THEM AND WASHING THEM EVERY DAY WITHOUT FAIL!"

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. "You still deny being feminine after that speech?"

"VOOOOOOIIIIII! JUST BECAUSE I TAKE CARE OF MYSELF, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I AM A GIRL!" but Squalo's words went unheard as Elizabeth let out a small shriek and raced towards Bob, her eyes sparkling.

"Your cuticles are fantastic!" she cooed, picking up one of his hands. "How do you keep them so perfect?"

"Well, I find time to occasionally pamper myself throughout the day," the man admitted, blushing slightly.

"Darling, it really shows!" the brunette squealed before sighing and looking at her own nails again. "I wish mine were so good…maybe you can help me get better cuticles?"

"Oh, I'd love to!" the man clapped his hands together excitedly. "How about we have a sleepover? Then we can chat all night and do our hair along with loads of other things!"

"OMG, YOU ARE A GENIUS!" Elizabeth shrieked, hugging Bob tightly. "And we can watch scary movies and scream together like the little scaredy cats I'm not!"

"THAT'S A GREAT IDEA! And we can invite all the other girls to come too!" Bob chatted happily. "But let me tell you a secret…John will talk FOREVER about this guy we met the other day called Tuna or something."

"One question," the brunette's mouth curved upwards into a grin. "Is. He. Hot?

"…YES!" Bob screamed. "He has this AMAZING gravity defying hair and these chocolate brown eyes that make you melt and want to gobble him up…" the man squealed slightly. "And he was so nice too! He bought us our tea when we found out that Mark had forgotten his wallet. Honestly, he is so ditzy sometimes…"

"I love him," Elizabeth declared dramatically. "A man who will buy tea for somebody else instead of buying it himself fits my dream guy TO A T!"

"OMG, I KNOW!" Bob screeched. "And you should have seen his muscles! I just wanna…ONOMNOMNOM!"

"I know the feeling honey. I KNOW THE FEELING!"

Fran watched the two of them, a bored expression on his face. "Note to self, never display muscles with these guys around…"

"So, who are we going to invite?" Elizabeth asked, her fingers laced together behind her back.

"VOOOIIIII! Why the fuck are you conversing with the enemy and planning a sleepover LIKE ITS NORMAL?" Squalo yelled.

"Squ-chan~!"

"I WILL SERIOUSLY FUCKING KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T STOP DOING THAT YOU GIRLY BASTARD!"

"We should definitely take him off our invite list," Bob told Elizabeth solemnly. "I don't feel confident when I'm in a room with a girl who is prettier than me. Excluding you of course since we are besties. Even though we only met a few minutes ago."

"I dunno…" Elizabeth ran her thumb over her lower lip, deep in thought. "He's very knowledgeable in the art of doing nails probably…I mean, have you SEEN his cuticles? I don't know how he manages it with all the work he does. But what can I say? The ma- sorry, WOMAN is a workaholic."

"VOOOIIII! I AM NOT A WORKAHOLIC! ALL OF YOU JUST DUMP WORK ON ME!" Squalo shouted, his frustration having met its peak a long, long time ago.

"Look! He didn't deny he was a girl this time!" Bob pointed out excitedly.

"I believe we are making progress ladies," Elizabeth smirked. "I believe we are making GREAT progress."

"Why me?" Squalo asked, sinking down in his chair again. "Why me?"

"It's okay Squ-chan! Take a deep breath and say it!" Elizabeth encourage him, Bob clapping his hands enthusiastically. "Say it! SAY IT! I AM DEFINITELY A GIRL! AND PROBABLY GAY!"

"VOOOOIIII! I am not gay!" Squalo yelled. "And even if I was, wouldn't I be a lesbian?"

Silence.

"Fucking bitch," Squalo swore, realizing what he had just said.

"Squ-chan~!"

"Every time you fucking say that my sword gets closer to your neck."

"So, should we let her go to the sleepover?" Bob asked Elizabeth. "I mean, you never know what she'll do if she's a lesbian and not to mention probably horny…SHE MIGHT RAPE US!"

"I AM NOT GOING TO FUCKING RAPE YOU!"

"Squ-chan~!"

"Die. Die a horrible death. Please. PLEASE!"

"Well, if Squ-chan says she's not going to rape us then I guess she can come!" Elizabeth sang happily, Squalo looked at her in horror. He remembered the last time Lussuria had forced him to go to a sleepover and he had had nightmares for the next month, his sort of innocent mind tainted forever. HE WAS NOT GOING NO MATTER WHAT THE COST!

"Actually…" he took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for his next few words. "Let me go to the sleepover and I will rape you."

"Ah, he said it…" Fran remarked, bored by the whole thing.

"Ooooh, well since she's pretty and that I MIGHT not mind it~!" Bob winked at Squalo who instantly regretted his words. "And if she's married to Luss-nee over there then we'll all have a good time~!"

"I won't," Elizabeth stated bluntly. "I shall be scared for life and become a hermit, secluded from human society FOREVER!" she told them all dramatically. Except that really nice café down the road where they sell AWESOME tea. And my captain. Cause he pays me. And Luss-nee. Cause he is my mother. And Fran. Cause his Frog hat is adorable. And Boss. Cause he is awesome. And Squ-chan. Cause she rocks in her own special little way. And you three intruders. Cause you are my new besties."

"So, you basically want to see everyone apart from Levi-sempai," Fran observed.

"Pretty much~!"

The door then burst open and a soaking wet Levi walked in. "I have returned," he announced.

"Way to be a joy killer," Elizabeth remarked in an annoyed tone before gasping. "Wait...OMG! I TOLD YOU HE WOULD LAND IN THE WATER FOUNTAIN!" she rushed over to her captain and high fived him. "I SOOOO KNEW IT!"

"DIE INTRUDERS! LEVI VOLTA!" the new arrival roared and threw his parabolas into the air, lightening then illuminated the room and Lussuria only just managed to jump out of the way as the three other men were then electrocuted. There was then a short period of silence.

"I know that I wanted the intruders dead but …I don't feel pleased that it was YOU who did it," Squalo muttered.

"NO! BOB! JOHN! MARK!" Elizabeth raced over to the three, tears in her eyes.

"How did she even know their names?" everyone else apart from the cool boss Xanxus sweat dropped.

"DON'T DIE! HANG ON! The ambulances are on their way!" the brunette continued, her eyes teary and her mobile in her hands.

"When did she…?"

"Don't…worry…" Bob smiled at her, blood flowing from his lips. "We…are…just going ahead…to the…sleepover…" he coughed some more, tears flowing from the girl's eyes. "Tell…Squ-chan…she can…rape me…when she…get's here…"

"VOOOOOOIIIIII!"

"I will! I WILL!" Elizabeth nodded, still crying. Bob let out a sigh of relief.

"Until…next time…we meet…" the man fell limp, Elizabeth gasping and grabbing the man, cradling him in her arms.

"NOOOOOOOO!" she screamed, her eyes squeezed shut and a look of despair on her lips. "Okay, dramatic moment over. Tea time now~!" she sang and dropped Bob on the floor again, her face completely and utterly normal like before she had started crying.

"Trash," everyone suddenly looked at Xanxus whose eyes were dark and in front of him a mug. That had fallen over. And had the liquid inside spill out. That happened to be tea. Why had this happened? Well, Xanxus, who had started to doze off in his chair with his mug of tea in his hand-how he managed to ignore all the yelling was a mystery- had been jerked awake when Elizabeth had started screaming about how she had known that Levi would have landed in the water fountain. And when he had woken up so suddenly, his mug had slipped from his hand and crashed onto the table thus spilling his favorite hot drink. Naturally, you would think he would try and kill Elizabeth for this but when his tea had been spilt he needed to find the RIGHT culprit. So why had Elizabeth been shouting? Because Levi was soaking wet. Why was Levi soaking wet? He had thrown him in the water fountain. Why had he thrown him in the water fountain? Because Xanxus was pissed off at the world. So really it was just THE WORLD'S fault but since Xanxus was a lazy and not to mention rich bastard, he would kill Levi instead. Now, where the fuck was his Assassin's 'R Us gift card?

And so by the end of the day the group had learnt something new: Trying to get swearing out of their daily lives was impossible. So, sorry about that Luss-nee!

**Extra: GAH! MY HAIR IS ****TANGLED!**

Once upon a time a long, long time ago something magical occurred (Fran: *in monotone voice* Yay). A drop of sunlight fell from the heavens and where it touched the ground a beautiful flower grew. This was no ordinary flower as a woman named Gothel (Lussuria: Yay! It's me! Squalo: Finally I'm not a girl!) found out. By singing to the flower she could keep eternally young! (Lussuria: OMG, YAYAYAY!) And so for centuries the woman stayed alive by singing to this magical flower, the world was continuing to change around her. One day the Queen of the kingdom Gothel lived in (Squalo: FUCK!) became ill whilst in her final stages of pregnancy. The king (Xanxus: *gets out guns* Die scum. Me: WAIT! DON'T KILL ME!) was fraught with despair and did all he could to try and bring his wife back to full health when he one day heard of the existence of a magical flower. He ordered his soldiers to bring him this magical flower (Lussuria: NO! DON'T TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME! NOOOOO!) and the men obliged. Once finding this flower and feeding it to the Queen (Squalo: VOOOIIII! PLEASE STOP CALLING ME A GIRL! PLEASE! Me: it's not very manly to beg Squ-chan. Squalo: FUCK YOU!) she instantly became well again before giving birth to a beautiful girl who was named Rapunzel whose long blonde hair had absorbed the powers of the magical flower (Elizabeth: HELL YEAH! I GOT THE MAGICAL HAIR! Wait, my hair is brown, not blonde!). And so, to celebrate her birth, the Queen and King let a lantern into the sky, burning bright like the stars surrounding it.

But alas, their happiness was short lived. Gothel, who is distressed by the loss of her magical flower (Lussuria: GIVE IT BACK!) sneaked into the Royal palace and into the baby princess's room. She cut off a lock of the girl's beautiful blonde hair but, once cut, it turned brown (Elizabeth: YAY! MY HAIR COLOR IS BACK!) and lost it's magical power. So, seeing no other solution, Gothel kidnapped Rapunzel and placed her at the top of a tall tower where she raised the princess as her own (Elizabeth: LUSS-NEE IS MY MOTHER! OMG, YAY! Lussuria: *squeals* I KNOW! WE CAN HAVE SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER AS A REAL FAMILY!), telling the young girl once she was old enough that she must never leave the tower for her own safety (Elizabeth: Grounding TO THE EXTREME! Me: Eliza, are you related to Ryohei by any chance? Elizabeth: ?). The Queen and King were naturally horrified at their daughter kidnapping (Xanxus: She's gone? Why the fuck should I care? Squalo: Thank god she's gone…)and every year on Rapunzel's birthday they released hundreds of sky lanterns, hoping the lost princess would return (Squalo: You got it wrong. We are celebrating that she is gone.).

And so years past, Gothel managing to stay young by singing to Rapunzel's hair instead (Lussuria: That sounded rather strange…) and the beautiful princess grew unsettled. She had seen the sky lanterns every year from the window in the tower and, not knowing what they were, longed to see where they were released from along with the rest of the outside world. However she obeyed her 'mother's' wishes and stayed locked up in the tower, keeping herself entertained by doing things such as painting, cleaning, brushing and playing hide and seek with her chameleon Pascal (Reborn: Oi. Give me back Leon.). But alas that wonder and curiosity grew in her like a disease and as the years passed it soon became unbearable for her to continue to stay in that tower. One thing was certain: she simply HAD to go outside. And so, the day before her birthday, she plucked up her courage (Elizabeth: That was always there…) and decided to ask the question she had be meaning to ask for years as soon as Gothel returned to the tower.

"I'm going to do it!" she told Pascal, a determined look on her face. "I'm going to do it!"

Pascal saluted her (Me: Leon doing that…I am seriously freaked out *shudders*) in response to her remark and, soon enough, the two heard a rich, melodious voice that seemed to be a little more tired than usual. "Rapunzel! Rapunzel! Let down your hair!"

"Coming mother!" Rapunzel bounded to the window, buzzing with excitement and anticipation. She wrapped part of her hair round a small metal hook and let the rest fall down to the ground outside where Gothel stood. The older woman then simply grabbed onto the blonde girl's hair and let her pull them up.

"Oh darling, I don't know HOW you manage to do that every time I come home! It looks exhausting!" Gothel placed a hand to her heart in what seemed like an act of sympathy (Elizabeth: Aww, you are SO NICE Luss-nee! Lussuria: Stop it, you are making me blush!)

"Oh, it's nothing!" Rapunzel reassured her making the older woman place her hands on her hips (Elizabeth: Yeah! I'm a strong woman who can take ANYTHING! Hell, I'm even more manly than Squ-chan! Though that doesn't take much to do… Squalo: VOOOIIIIIIII!)

"Then tell me why it TAKES SO LONG!" she looked into the surprised girl's eyes seriously (Elizabeth: H-How could you SAY THAT Luss-nee!) before laughing and tapping them on the nose playfully. "I'm only teasing you darling~! Stop taking things so seriously!" (Elizabeth: If you weren't Luss-nee you would be on the floor. Dead. With Levi next to you.) Gothel waltzed her way over to a huge mirror and prodded her skin gingerly, letting out a sigh as she did so.

"Anyway mother, you know how tomorrow is VERY SPECIAL and IMPORTANT and WONDERFUL and AWESOME?" Rapunzel began, clasping both her hands behind her back as she looked to her side, Pascal giving her the thumbs up in encourage. "And s-"

"Darling, mother's feeling a little tired," Gothel told the girl in a sickly sweet voice. "Would you mind singing to me?"

"SURE!" Rapunzel grabbed the woman's hand and practically threw her into a chair before racing off in one direction and grabbing a stool and hairbrush, placing the latter in her 'mother's' hand after sitting down on the stool. "Flower gleam and glow~ Let your power shine~!" she sang quickly, Gothel gasping and brushing her hair furiously before the song could end. "Make the clock reverse~ Bring back what once was mine~!"

Gothel sighed in relief as she felt her youth return to her. "Sweetheart, what's the rush?" she asked Rapunzel as she stood up. The blonde girl took a deep breath.

"Tomorrowismybirthday!"

Gothel blinked. What? (Elizabeth: I win the fast speaking contest! HELL YEAH!) "Speak slower child! And no mumbling! You know how I hate mumbling!"

"Tomorrow is my birthday!" Rapunzel repeated, her eyes blazing with excitement. "And so…FOR my birthday…Please take me out to see the flying lights? PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!"

Gothel's eyes grew dark and stormy within an instant. "Outside? Oh, you don't want to go out there!"

"But mother!" Rapunzel whined, pushing some of her golden hair behind her ears. "Please! I'm turning eighteen tomorrow!"

"No Rapunzel!" Gothel snapped, standing up from her chair. "Out there are dangerous people! They will abuse your kindness, bleed you for all you are worth and maybe even RAPE YOU!" the woman's lips curved into a smile as she saw Rapunzel's terrified expression (Elizabeth: RAPE ME? NOOOOOO!). "Yes, those men with wicked teeth and evil gleaming eyes will kidnap you and take you away! So stay here Rapunzel where it is nice and safe with your lovely mummy. And listen to my words darling because, after all…" she span around elegantly (Lussuria: Oooooh, I LIKE my style!) before pinching Rapunzel's cheek playfully. "Mother knows best~!"

Rapunzel sighed as she nodded her head sadly, looking through the window to the world outside. A world that had never felt so far away. "Yes mother."

Meanwhile, in the kingdom that Rapunzel was rightfully heir to despite not knowing it, an event that was curiously related to her yet not at the same time was taking place. "Ushi shi shi~!" a man known as Flynn Rider smiled as he looked out upon the kingdom below him as he stood on the roof of the palace. "A view fit for a prince such as myself~!" (Bel: Oh? The prince had finally arrived? Fran: Sorry to burst your bubble FAKE prince-sempai but you aren't a prince in this story unlike the others.. Bel: Ushi shi shi~ what OTHER ones? Me: *hides Yama-chan's bat behind me, trying to look inconspicuous*)

"Rider!" two men nearby him known as the Stabbington Brothers scowled menacingly at the man (Fran: Why am I brothers with Levi-sempai? Levi: Hmph. The feelings mutual. Me: Sorry Fran. But there were no other roles and I didn't want you to be left out…you can kill this perverted guy later. Levi: WHAT DID YOU SAY?). "Hurry up!"

Flynn held up his hand for silence as he continued to admire the view. "It's decided. The prince wants a castle~!" (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ I agree completely~! Elizabeth: NO FAIR! I WANT ONE TOO! Fran: This is rightfully your castle Cute-sempai? Elizabeth: It IS? AWESOME!)

"You can BUY a castle if you want to after we've finished this job!" one of the brothers shouted (Levi: I SHALL COMPLETE THIS JOB IN THE NAME OF THE BOSS!). Flynn grinned as he bounded towards them without a care in the world as he wrapped a rope round his waist.

"Bye bi~!" he sang as he jumped through a hole and into a room where a beautiful tiara-the lost princess's of course (Levi: T-that means…I'M STEALING FROM THE BOSS! Fran: *starts clapping* genius)-lay on a cushion, guards surrounding it and making the silly mistake of all looking outwards. He grabbed the expensive object just as a guard sneezed. "Ushi shi shi~ so the peasant has hay fever? Isn't that a shame~!"

"Yeah," the guard nodded sadly before realizing what had just happened and spinning round just as the brothers pulled Flynn up. "WAIT! STOP!"

But the three were already making their way out of the city in which the palace was situated, Flynn laughing maniacally as he carried the tiara in a satchel. Suddenly a clatter of horseshoes colliding with the ground below them made them spin around to see the royal guards chasing after them. "We're being followed!" one of the brothers shouted (Fran: Wow Levi-sempai. I didn't notice) as the three sprinted into a forest, running down twisted pathways in an attempt to lose their pursuers. Suddenly Flynn noticed two wanted posters and glared at them upon seeing his face.

"This is bad!" he hissed angrily, ripping his one of the tree, the brothers turning around to see their own faces on the other poster. "How DARE they mock the prince's nose!" (Elizabeth: …HAHAHAHAHA! OMG, YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR NOSE! Bel: …Shut up servant)

"Wow. Amazing," on dead panned (Me: Guess who that was? JUST GUESS! Fran: Author-san, your comments are annoying. ME: TTATT). "Who really cares about that? Cause I can safely say everyone doesn't."

"Look at your poster peasants. Do you see anything wrong with it? No. It's THE PRINCE'S that does have something wrong. They are mocking ME!" (Elizabeth: Captain? Are you on your monthly's too? You sure are PSMing… Bel: I will KILL you servant!)

Suddenly the sound of horses behind them made the trio start to run again alas they ran into a dead end. "What do we do now?" one of the brothers asked desperately (Fran: Levi-sempai, please stop pointing out obvious things. It's very annoying. Levi: DIE BRAT! Me: Please don't kill each Fran. He is not only your brother for now however if you DO feel the need to kill somebody then, for once, suicide IS the answer. Levi: WHAT?).

"Help the prince up onto that ledge then I'll pull you up," Flynn told them (Fran: He won't.).

"Give us the satchel first," the other brother demanded (Levi: Heh, nice move IF I say so myself! Fran: I was the one who said that…), Flynn rolling his eyes as he handed it over, the two men then helping him up.

"Now, help us up!" the other stretched out his hand for Flynn to take.

"Sorry, the prince's hands are full~!" the man sang as he revealed the satchel in his hands before racing off, laughing as he did so (Fran: I told you so…). Suddenly Flynn heard the thundering of hooves behind him and saw a group of the royal guards chasing after him, the leader riding a strange steed that looked similar to a cow. (Elizabeth: No…it couldn't be… Everybody: God, please say it isn't! Mary: Moo. Elizabeth: OH MY GOD! MAAAARRRRYYY! Me: XD) Flynn ran away as fast as he could, jumping over trees skillfully and ducking under vines, losing all of his followers but that strange cow-like horse (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ get the fuck away from me. Mary: Moo. Elizabeth: She said no). The two fought over the satchel, neither willing to give it up until Flynn managed to conceal himself behind some vines, the horse unable to see him. The man then discovered as the horse that is actually called Maximus (Elizabeth: No, IT'S MARY!) tried to find him using scent instead that behind those vines was a passageway that led into a small valley and in the middle a tall tower. Flynn, seeing no other escape route from this valley and not liking the idea of fighting with that horse again (Elizabeth: We all know it's because you think you would lose captain~!) quickly shimmied up the tower using the vines on the side and jumped in through the window. The man then took opened his satchel and looked at the tiara, grinning happily. "Ushi shi shi~ I finally got you!" he sang. Suddenly there was a huge clang as metal connected with his head and he fell to the floor, Rapunzel who was standing behind him letting out a small shriek, wielding her frying pan in her two hands (Elizabeth: BOOM! HEADSHOT!). Gothel had gone out a few hours ago and the young girl had been minding her own business when she had heard somebody jump in through the window. Knowing that it wasn't her 'mother', she had grabbed the nearest thing to her that had happened to be a frying pan and wacked the intruder round the head with it (Elizabeth: You know, I am proud of myself. So very proud *wipes a tear away* now all I need is TEA). Now she cautiously turned Flynn's head to the side with her cooking utensil, letting out a small squeak as she saw his closed mouth. Pascal, who was sitting on the floor nearby, mimicked fangs with his toes making the girl remember what her had said about men in the outside world with their wicked teeth and gleaming eyes. The girl used the handle of the frying pan and pushed the man's mouth slightly open only to see he had no fangs (Elizabeth: I LIE! HE HAS FANGS! I KNOW IT! HE GAVE ME A FRICKEN VAMPIRE BITE! HE IS A VAMPIRE!), making her sigh in relief. She wondered whether she should check his eyes too but hey, she wasn't eager to be disappointed or/and terrified about whether they were the same as how Gothel had described them. Now curious about Flynn, she leaned a little closer and lowered her 'weapon' (Elizabeth: What do you mean 'weapon'? FRYING PANS ARE FRICKEN DEADLY!), taking in the man's scent and listening closely to his slow breathing. Suddenly his mouth s sprang open.

"Huh?" a grunt of confusion was the only thing that passed through his lips before Rapunzel smashed him over the head again with her frying pan (Elizabeth: COMBO! 2 HITS!). She then stuffed Flynn in a nearby wardrobe, using a green chair nearby to keep it shut. (Elizabeth: THE PERFECT MURDER!)

"I've got a person in my closet…" she whispered,, backing away slightly. "I've got a person in my closet," she said a little louder before glancing to her left and seeing her reflection in a mirror, a smile appearing across her face. "I'VE GOT A PERSON IN MY CLOSET!" (Fran: Yes. We realized that. Elizabeth: BUT IT'S SO COOOL! Fran: Of course Cute-sempai. Of course.) Rapunzel wiped her frying pan, smirking to herself. "Too weak and fragile to handle myself out there am I? Going to get raped am I? Well, tell that to my frying pan!" she spun the object around in her hands before accidently hitting herself on the head with it .(Elizabeth: Friendly fire was on…) She then noticed he tiara in Flynn's satchel and tried it on, looking at herself in the mirror. "Well? How do I look?"

Pascal looked at her with hope in his eyes for a few moments. Then… "Meh," he grunted, shaking his head.

"Well you are nice!" she huffed before noticing the wanted poster that had been stuffed in the satchel as well. "So his name is Flynn Rider huh…and what is up with that nose?"

"Rapunzel! Rapunzel! Let down your hair~!" a familiar voice called, the said girl fumbling with the PRICELESS tiara for a few moments before placing it back in it's satchel and stuffing it inside a nearby pot.

"Just a moment mother!" she shouted, trying to compose herself but not able to keep the smile off her face.

"I've got a surprise for you!" Gothel yelled as Rapunzel let down her golden locks before pulling her up.

"I have one for you too!"

"Well I bet my one is bigger~!"

"I seriously doubt it~!" he girl sang through gritted teeth as she continued to haul Gothel up (Elizabeth: Oh PLEASE! I doubt you beat my combo of TWO AWESOME FRYING PANS TO THE HEAD! Lussuria: What? Elizabeth: Nothing~!)

"I brought back parsnips!" Gothel told Rapunzel excitedly as she entered through the window, a huge smile on her face. "I'm going to make hazelnut soup for dinner, your favorite! SURPRISE!" (Elizabeth: Hazelnut soup? Are you joking? Lussuria: Oh and there was T-E-A~! Elizabeth: I LOVE YOU MOTHER!)

"Well, err, I have something to tell you too!" the girl began, Gothel shooting her a distressed look.

"Darling, you know how I HATE to leave you after we've had a fight, especially when I did nothing wrong," the older woman waltzed over to a table, placing her shopping down (Elizabeth: Don't listen to me Luss-nee. I'm insane. You brought me tea. HOW COULD YOU EVER DO ANYTHING WRONG!). "And I hope what you are about to say doesn't involve those silly lights."

"Well, I was leading up to that mo-"

"No," Gothel looked at her, eyes dark.

"But it's because you think I'm not strong enough to handle myself out there," Rapunzel started again, ignoring the woman's stormy gaze.

"Darling I KNOW you aren't!"

"Please, just LISTEN to me!"

"Rapunzel!" Gothel snapped. "ENOUGH ABOUT THE LIGHTS!" (Elizabeth: Agreed. Now, about that tea…) The blonde girl, whose hand was on the green chair and ready to pull it away to reveal the knocked out Flynn, slowly retracted her fingers, her eyes looking tearful (Elizabeth: My tea… *sniff* I WANT IT SO BAD!). Gothel sighed dramatically as she sat down, resting her head upon her hand. "Great. So now I'M the bad guy." (Elizabeth: NO! YOU BROUGHT ME TEA! I LOVE YOU!)

A few moments of silence followed before Rapunzel smiled slightly at Gothel. "I know what I want for my birthday now," she spoke quietly. (Elizabeth: Yeah. MORE TEA.) "You know that white paint made out of those seashells you once got me?"

"To get the seashells will take at least a three day journey!" Gothel looked at Rapunzel worriedly. "Are you sure you'll be alright?"

The girl nodded and the old woman sighed before agreeing to the girl's wishes and exiting the tower, Rapunzel watching her as she disappeared. The blonde girl then exploded into action, hauling Flynn from the closet and tying him up with her long golden hair. Pascal slapped the man's face but he continued to sleep. Pascal slapped him again with his tail. Still no response. Letting out what could only be described as a sigh, the chameleon stuck his tongue inside Flynn's ear. That got him up.

"What the…" the man struggled slightly in his golden bonds before looking forwards and following the long hair wrapped around him to a figure shrouded in darkness and wielding a frying pan (Bel: There had BETTER be a good explanation for this).

"I know who you are and why you are here but I am NOT afraid of you! Just to make that clear! So, two questions…" Rapunzel emerged from the darkness, holding the object high above her head. "Who are you and how did you find me?" (Elizabeth: Oh and, HAVE YOU GOT ANY TEA? I need to stock up on my supplies for the zombie apocalypse…)

Flynn's mouth literally dropped open and the sight of her. Whoa. Double Whoa. Triple Whoa. Quadruple…you get the picture. He stared into Rapunzel's sparkling green eyes, hardly noticing the long eyelashes framing them perfectly, her pink lips set in a grim straight line that wavered at times as if she had no idea what she was doing. Which was most likely to be true. But, he hardly noticed, lost in Rapunzel's beauty (Elizabeth: Heh, I'm sexy am I? Bel: What. The. Hell? Me: XD) He coughed slightly; clearing his throat that he hadn't known was dry.

"Ushi shi shi~ the prince doesn't know why he is here or who you are but…" he grinned at the girl cheekily. "Why hello there princess~!" (Elizabeth: …HAHAHAHAHA! Worst. Flirting. EVER! Bel: SHUT UP! Me: *sigh* imagining this scene now…)

Rapunzel blinked slightly, confused. Why hello there princess? She found many things wrong with his remark. One, why was he saying hello now? He should have said that earlier! Then again, he didn't really have the chance BUT STILL! Secondly, why princess? She wasn't a princess! (Elizabeth: Ah, the irony…captain? Bel: What? Elizabeth: What does irony taste like? Bel: …) "A-anyway, how many people know of my location, Flynn Rider?" she asked, determined not to be put off by his earlier sentence.

"Ushi shi shi~ look here princess," Flynn sang in a beautiful accent Rapunzel couldn't quite identify but found herself adoring all the same (Elizabeth: Hahaha…wait, WHAT?). "The prince came across your tower by chance. I didn't plan on coming here…wait. Where is my satchel?!" (Elizabeth: HOW COULD YOU RHINK ABOUT SUCH A THING IN MY TIME OF NEED AKA MY LACK OF TEA? Tch, selfish bastard! Bel: …*doesn't want to fight with her about tea ever again*) he looked around himself, only just now realizing its absence. Rapunzel crossed her arms, smirking triumphantly.

"I have hidden it somewhere you shall never find!" she announced proudly. Flynn looked to his left.

"It's in that pot isn't it?"

CLANG!

"Ushi shi shi~ stop doing that!" Flynn growled at Pascal as he woke him up by sticking his tongue in his ear, his head still throbbing from Rapunzel suddenly whacking him over the head again (Elizabeth: COMBO! 3 HITS!).

"NOW it's hidden somewhere you shall never find," Rapunzel told him, smirking. (Elizabeth: TAKE THAT SUCKER! Bel: I'll reduce your pay. Elizabeth: NO! I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT!) She began to circle him, flipping her frying pan around menacingly. "Now, what do you want with my hair? Do you want to cut it? SELL IT?"

Flynn made a noise of annoyance and glared at Rapunzel from under his bangs. "They only thing the prince wants to do with your hair is get out of it!" he snapped.

"So…you don't want my hair?" the blonde girl lowered her frying pan, surprised as Flynn explained what had happened to him, leaving out the fact that he was currently wanted practically everywhere and how he had stolen the crown. Rapunzel stared at him. She was right: he was perfect for what she had in mind! The girl then asked him about the flying lights she saw every year on her birthday, his response being "Ushi shi shi~ they are the sky lanterns for the lost princess."

Grinning, happy she had finally found out what they were, she offered him a deal: he would take her to see the sky lanterns and then return her safely home on exchange for his satchel. Naturally, the man was a little dubious of her request however upon hearing that it was likely he would never find his tiara without the blonde girl's help and whacked on the head with the frying pan again (Elizabeth: COMBO! 4 HITS!) he reluctantly agreed to be her guide. And so the two exited the tower, Flynn climbing down the vines and Rapunzel simply jumping down using her hair as a rope taking Pascal and her trusty frying pan with her. (Elizabeth: Hmm, I'm gonna name my frying pan something! How about…Mukuro! Me: There are too many things wrong with that…I like it XD) Of course, upon touching the ground and the ground for the first time, she became ecstatic and rushed around, letting the warm summers rush through her long hair and feeling the grass soft against her bare feet. She ran along the hidden pathway and into the open forest, Flynn trudging behind her, obviously not feeling the same way she did at the prospect of spending the next couple of days together. "I'm outside! I'M OUTSIDE!" he watched her as she shrieked with joy before suddenly acquiring a look of horror. "Mother would be furious!"

_Later_

"But that's okay!" Rapunzel half said to a flower in her hands, Flynn watching her from the sidelines. "What she doesn't know won't kill her…right?"

_Later_

"I'm horrible!" she wailed, now inside a deep dark cave, Flynn watching her and sighing. "This would kill her!"

_Later_

"THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!" Rapunzel laughed as she ran about, kicking up mounds of leaves, Flynn now examining his nails in a bored fashion.

_Later_

"I am a horrible daughter," she hit her head against a tree, her eyes squeezed shut. "I'm going back."

_Later_

"I AM NEVER GOING BACK~!" the girl sang as she did multiple cartwheels down a hill before getting wrapped up in her own hair and giggling.

_Later_

"I am a despicable human being!" she wailed, lying down in a bed of flowers, Flynn sitting next to her.

_Later_

"WAHOO!" the girl shrieked as she swung around her tree using her hair. "BEST! DAY! EVER!"

_Later_

Rapunzel sat down, crying quietly to herself. Flynn, having noticed that she was at war with herself (Elizabeth: I am?), sidled up beside her again, a plan forming in his mind to get rid of the girl and get his tiara back. His plan: to guilt trip the girl into giving up going to see the lights. Unfortunately, although he successfully managed to guilt trip her (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ you repay your mother who has bought you tea all your life? Elizabeth: NOOOOOOOO! I AM SORRY! I WANNA GO BACK! FORGIVE ME MOTHER!), the girl's determination to see the sky lanterns was too great. (Bel: The prince supposes it's best for you to stay behind after all. A shame, I heard that there was delicious tea served when the sky lanterns were released… Elizabeth: CHANGED MY MIND. GOING. Bel: Fuck!) However, all was not lost for he had found out something rather interesting when Rapunzel had overreacted when a bush had started to shake, the one behind it being a bunny rabbit (Bel: *original words from the movie* stay calm. It can smell your fear. Elizabeth: *unoriginal words* NOOOOOOOO!) but the girl not knowing this and screaming something about thugs. She was terrified of the men, her mother's words echoing in her head as soon as he mentioned them (Elizabeth: IMMA GONNA GET RAPED!). And so another plan hatched in his mind as he led the girl to a pub called the Snuggly duckling, feeding the girl tales of how amazing a great the place was as he took her there. (Bel: It serves tea. Elizabeth: WE ARE GOING THERE. NOW.)

What the two didn't know was that Maximus (Mary: Moo) was hot on the tail, making use of his excellent sense of smell. He soon came across a hooded figure and was about to jump at them when they realized that it was not Flynn Rider at all and instead Gothel. "A palace horse," she observed without much interest before freezing. "Where is your rider? RAPUNZEL!" and so she ran off, leaving the confused horse behind her. Alas, upon getting to the tower, she had discovered her fears had been right. Rapunzel was gone. Gothel, who had gotten up into a tower using a door she had blocked up with stones a long time ago, knelt on the floor with despair. She then noticed a gleam of light under a floorboard and sure enough, it was the tiara with the satchel and Flynn's wanted poster beside it. Now knowing who had taken the girl, she raced off towards a drawer and plucked out a wickedly sharp dagger, a malicious smile on her face. "I told you that you would stay here forever Rapunzel and I ALWAYS keep my promises. ALWAYS." (Lussuria: Well Eliza-chan? Do you think I pull off the evil look? *strikes a pose* Elizabeth: Sexy mother. Sexy)

"Ushi shi shi~ we have arrived princess," Flynn indicated to the building in front of him and Rapunzel felt her heart melt. It looked like an adorable little cottage with flowers growing around it prettily. "In we go~!" Flynn sang as he pushed the door open. Rapunzel's opinion of the place then fell dramatically. There were thugs EVERYWHERE either drinking beer or arguing some even partaking in a little darts using words as darts and a man as the board. Rapunzel was naturally terrified, Flynn smirking as she pointed her frying pan at the men in the pub. She was sure to want to go home now! Suddenly the door was slammed shut with a man holding up a wanted poster with his face on it, a huge nose in the middle. "Ushi shi shi~ they will DIE," he hissed angrily. "The prince's nose does NOT look like that!"

But the rest of the picture was accurate enough and the thugs began to squabble over who would get the rewards money for turning him in to the guards, one man racing off to find the said men. Rapunzel tugged at the men surrounding Flynn, trying to get them to stop before hitting one of the men on the head with his frying pan (Elizabeth: COMBO! 5 HITS!). Of course, the man being the thug he was he hardly felt the blow (Elizabeth: Aw….) but turned around to face the girl who let out a cry of frustration. "I may not know where I am or who you are but I need this man to be my guide!" she yelled. "I have been DREAMING about seeing the sky lanterns for all my life and he was going to fulfill it by taking me there! God, FIND YOUR HUMANITY! Don't any of you have a dream?" (Elizabeth: My other dream being to DRINK ALL THE TEA IN THE WORLD! MUWHAHAHA!)

Flynn looked at her, a mixture of surprise and confusion on his face. Nobody had ever really stood up for him before like that and, considering how horrible he had just been to Rapunzel, why was she the one who was trying to help him? It didn't make any sense! A thug(Gokudera: WHY ME?) walked towards her and Flynn flinched slightly, expecting him to hit the girl.

"I had a dream once," he told her quietly before telling his story about how he had always wanted to be a pianist (Gokudera: H-how did you know? Frying pan: Kufufu, I know ALL! Gokudera: M-MUKURO?), Rapunzel listening, a smile lighting up her pretty face. The rest of the thugs followed suit, confessing the dreams they had always had to the girl they had but met a few moments ago, her innocence melting their hearts (Fran: But Cute-sempai is an assassin, the very opposite of innocence. Elizabeth: AHA! But nobody has proved I killed the people I did so technically I am still innocent! Fran: No. No you aren't. Elizabeth: *starts crying* WELL AT LEAST MUKURO LOVES ME! RIGHT BYAKURAN? *turns to frying pan* Frying Pan: … Elizabeth: SEE! Fran: *sigh* this is troublesome…). "What about you?" the thug asked Flynn, pointing his cutlass at him. "Don't you have a dream?"

"Ushi shi shi~ the prince doesn't have time for such petty things as dreams!" he laughed heartily, brushing his clothes off from where the thugs had touched him earlier. "However, I know one thing. I WILL become rich and have a castle of my own, servants doing my every wish." (Elizabeth: Your dream stinks captain. Bel: Ushi shi shi~ at least I don't dream of tea! *Gets hit in the face with frying pan* Elizabeth: My dream ROCKS! Right Mukuro? Frying pan: … Elizabeth: SEE!)

The group laughed and clashed their beer glasses together, singing drunken songs with Rapunzel joining in. What the girl DIDN'T know was just outside, Gothel was watching her, a look of horror on her face. She couldn't steal the golden haired girl away in such a crowded place! Just then she spun to see guards marching up to the pub and slamming the door open. "Where's Flynn?" the leader, who had been riding Maximus, yelled, Rapunzel and the said man diving underneath the bar just in time. The royal guards began to search the pub, Flynn catching a glimpse of the two Stabbington Brothers and cursing softly.(Fran: Hello Fake prince-sempai. Levi: I SHALL RETURN THE TIARA FOR BOSS! Fran: You were the one who helped steal it… Bel: Not these idiots again…) The thug from earlier then opened a secret passageway for the two, grinning.

"Go. Live your dream," he told them.

"Ushi shi shi~ the prince shall do as he pleases~!"

"I was talking to her," the thug jerked his thumb at Rapunzel. "Your dream stinks." (Elizabeth: SEE! Byakuran and I were right after all! Bel: …)

Flynn glowered at him before crawling into the secret passage, Rapunzel smiling and kissing the thug's cheek as she said farewell before going after the man, the passageway door snapping shut behind her. It was then Maximus arrived (Elizabeth: HURRAY! Bel: Servant, that's bad. Elizabeth: WHAT? How can anything related to Mary be bad? Right Mary? Mary: Moo) slamming the door open and using his nose again, revealing the hidden passageway. The royal guards, leaving one behind to guard the Stabbington Brothers, who quickly knocked him out before following after them. (Fran: Yay.) Rapunzel and Flynn ran quickly through the tunnel before coming out in a quarry, the Stabbington brothers visible below the ledge they were situated on. "Who's that?" Rapunzel whispered.

"Ushi shi shi~ lets just say that the prince isn't on the best terms with them," Flynn laughed through gritted teeth, glaring at the two newly arrived men. Suddenly the royal guards appeared.

"Who's that?"

"The prince isn't on the best terms with them either."

Suddenly Maximus appeared. "Who's th-"

"The prince isn't on good terms with a lot of people."

"Oh…" (Fran: *shakes head* you need to work on your social skills Fake prince-sempai. Pretty much everyone hates you. Even a cow. Mary: Moo.) Rapunzel suddenly slammed her frying pan into Flynn's hands. "Hold this!" she ordered (Elizabeth: And work on your people skills by making Mukuro your friend! Bel: …Die) before using her hair as a lasso to hook round a wooden beam and then swinging to another ledge leaving Flynn alone (Elizabeth: SEE YA LATER SHITLORDS! MUWHAHAHAHA!). The man fought of the guards using the metal object, knocking all of them out. He stared at the frying pan admiringly before Maximus picked up a sword with it's teeth and began to fight the man. (Elizabeth: I know I'm meant to be cheering captain but…GO MARY! KICK HIS ASS WITH YOUR AWESOME SWORD SKILLS! BUT DON'T KILL MUKURO! I NEED HIM!) The two fought for a while before Flynn's grip on the frying pan became loose and it fell out of his hands and off the ledge (Elizabeth: MUKURO, NO!). Luckily for him, Rapunzel was ready and threw him her hair, swinging past the Stabbington brother and safely over to a wooden platform. Maximus then began to kick down a piece of wood to get to the ledge Rapunzel was on alas this was a wrong move and it broke the dam above the quarry, water gushing through. The blonde girl jumped out of the way of the horse just in time and her and Flynn began to sprint, water filling up the quarry and engulfing the guards, Maximus and the Stabbington brothers (Levi: NO! WE ARE GOING TO DROWN! Fran: You mean YOU are going to drown. I can swim). However, although what had just happened to their enemies and Flynn magically finding the frying pan again (Elizabeth: MUKURO!) seemed like a stroke of good luck, Flynn and Rapunzel found themselves trapped in a cave, water flooding in. As the two tried to find a way out, Flynn accidently cut his hand making him wince in pain. But no matter what they did, it was no use. The cave was simply too dark and finding an exit in that absence of light was practically impossible! So, as the two awaited their impending doom, Flynn told Rapunzel something he had never told anybody: his true name, Eugene Fitzherbert. And so, in return, Rapunzel told him something about her too, something she had promised her 'mother' she would tell no one.

"I have magic hair glows when I sing!" she laughed hysterically, Eugene staring at her as if she was mad (Bel: I only just realized?). Suddenly she gasped. "I HAVE MAGIC HAIR GLOWS WHEN I SING!" (Fran: For some reason, this seems so typical of Cute-sempai…) the water was now up to their chins but Rapunzel knew what to do. She wasn't going to let Eugene and her die! "Flower gleam and glow~ Let your power shine~ Make the clock reverse~ Bring back what once was mine~" she only just finished the song as the water engulfed them and, sure enough, her hair began to glow brightly, the exit now visible from the light. So she and Eugene escaped their untimely deaths and upon getting out of the stream they had swum into, Rapunzel told him that glowing wasn't all her hair did…(Elizabeth: I know. I'm fricken awesome!)

Meanwhile, Gothel was waiting outside the exit to the secret passageway that had started at the Snuggly duckling having tracked the girl's movements. However, instead of the two people she had been expecting to emerge, it was the Stabbington brothers instead! (Lussuria: FRAN-CHAN! LEVI-CHAN! I MISSED YOU! Fran & Levi: We didn't.) There, she confronted the two having heard about how Eugene had double crossed them and, after assuring them that she wouldn't make the same mistake, let them know that he had something far more valuable than a simple tiara and was willing to help them take it from the man…

Later, Rapunzel wrapped her hair round Eugene's injured hand, the man watching her curiously. "Ushi shi shi~ are you going to tell the prince about what you are doing?" he asked her, the blonde girl simply smiling in response before beginning to sing, her hair glowing brightly as she did so. After she finished singing, Eugene removed her hair to reveal his now healed hand, his lips parting in disbelief. As he tried very hard not to freak out, he told Rapunzel about why he had adopted the name Flynn Rider as that what was a hero from a storybook at his orphanage had been called. He then went off to collect firewood, embarrassed by how he had told the beautiful young Rapunzel such an important secret about himself (Elizabeth: Awwwww, Captain is embarrassed! Bel: I'll KILL you.) It was then that Gothel appeared and demanded for Rapunzel to go back with her. But the girl defied her and stood her ground, a determined look on her face.

"No. I'm not going back! Anyway…I think he likes me…" she blushed slightly. (Elizabeth: O.o Bel: Ushi shi shi shi~! That's what you get servant for getting on your high horse~ Elizabeth: WHY ME? WHY ME? WHAT DID I DO WORLD! Me: Uh, you just kinda…existed. Elizabeth: Well, that seems legit!)

"Not going back? He likes you?" Gothel's eyes grew dark as she threw the girl the satchel with the tiara inside "Well then, give THIS to him and see when he runs away! THAT'S the reason he's here Rapunzel! NOT YOU! And DON'T come crying to me when this is all over because you chose this Rapunzel! And it will be your fault, not mine!" and with that, she vanished into the night, the blonde girl staring after her. (Lussuria: OH, AND DON'T FORGET THAT I WON'T MAKE TEA WHEN YOU GET BACK EITHER! *storms off* Elizabeth: N-NOOOOOOO! I'M COMING WITH YOU MUMMY! I'M COMING BACK WITH YOU!) Suddenly she heard Eugene's voice as he returned with firewood (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ why am I doing a peasant's job?) and quickly hid the satchel away, scared that Gothel was right abut Eugene after all.

"Ushi shi shi~ are you alright princess?" Eugene asked the girl upon seeing her torn expression, the girl quickly smiling to cover it up.

"I'm fine! I-it's nothing!" she reassured him, not knowing that the Stabbington brothers and Gothel were watching nearby. (Fran: Stalking: such a new experience for me. But no for you two I presume? Levi: WHAT DID YOU SAY? Lussuria: Oh don't deny it! You were with me when we both followed Squ-chan and boss to a massage salon! And might I say, that was probably the best thing we ever decided to do in our lives… Fran: …I don't really want to know.)

The next morning, Eugene woke up to find a very sweaty and annoyed looking Maximus looming over him. "Ushi shi shi~ here to apologize?"

A quick cry of surprise making Rapunzel wake up and rush over to the man who was being dragged away by the horse, trying to take him back. Somehow she succeeded even though she was obviously far weaker than the horse (Elizabeth: What can I say? I'm awesome~) and spoke to the animal for a while, explaining why she didn't want them to take away Eugene and promising that they could have the man after twenty four hours. And that it was her birthday. The last one kind of being seen as the turning point in the horses mind, And so Maximus agreed not to take the man away (Elizabeth: Mary, I love you! NOW I CAN FUFILL MY TEA DREAM! Oh and that sky lantern thingy as well) and the trio travelled towards the city. Upon arriving they discovered that it was extremely (Ryohei: TO THE EXTREME! Elizabeth: *gasp* t-the Tea God? Fran: Your god looks like him?) difficult for Rapunzel to move around with her long hair so Eugene called over four girls who were plaiting each other's hair to do the same to the blonde girl. The plait reached down to Rapunzel's ankles and had pretty flowers weaved in with her locks. Eugene forced himself not to gasp at her beautiful appearance; Maximus raising his eyebrows making the man glower at him. The two then went around buying various things along with a flag with a golden sun printed on it before Rapunzel spotted a mosaic of the King and Queen holding their baby daughter in their arms, the young girl's green eyes standing out brightly. They looked so familiar to Rapunzel but she couldn't quite understand why…suddenly beautiful music began to play and she found herself swaying slightly in time, letting the melody take control of her as she began to spin and dance (Elizabeth: WATCH ME DO THE MOONWALK! Bel: No.). She grabbed the hands of a small boy who was watching her dance with admiration (Elizabeth: I'M NOT A PEDO! I DON'T STEAL CHILDREN!) and spun him around expertly, the boy laughing with joy. Rapunzel then grabbed another man (Elizabeth: Great. So now I'm a pedo AND a whore) and danced with him for a while, encouraging more and more people to join in. She then offered her hand out to Eugene who shook his head softy in decline but Maximus pushed him forwards (Bel: Tch. Damn cow) into the crowd of dancing people. Eugene sighed but as he took the blonde girl's hand and whirled her around he felt a warm sensation take over him, a smile taking over his features (Elizabeth: Captain, this writing…I have a feeling that something is going to happen and I don't like it… Bel: Agreed). Rapunzel was so delicate and fragile, reminding him of a china doll: beautiful yet so easy to break (Elizabeth: Really? Well, say that to MUKURO! Frying pan: …). A thief like him rarely looked at pretty girls like her, he would usually go for the ones who could withstand anything and keep him entertained. Because knowing him, he would probably break a china doll like Rapunzel so, so easily.

So why was he still interested?

Eugene didn't understand. He really didn't. So as the song finished and the clock tolled, signifying that the sky lanterns would be released into the sky soon, he didn't know why he took a boat out into the middle of the lake with Rapunzel so that she could see the flying lanterns better. He didn't know why he was doing that for her instead of just staying in the city and watching it from there. All he knew was that it felt…right. Was he too touched by her dream? No, what he was feeling was different. So…what was it? (Elizabeth: …Captain? Bel: …*in shock* Elizabeth: This seems familiar…and I really, REALLY don't like it. Me: *hides under table with Yama-chan's baseball bat* I DID NOTHING!) "Why are we out here?" Rapunzel asked him innocently.

"Ushi shi shi~ the prince must have the best for you, princess," he sang in his smooth, seductive voice (Elizabeth: DUDE! THIS IS RATED T! Me: I'm only pushing the boundaries slightly~) Rapunzel's breath catching as shivers ran down her spine. A small silence followed but it wasn't awkward like it had been before for them. (Elizabeth: Silence? Awkward? Psh, when does that happen? Bel: … Elizabeth: …Okay, you made your point. Bel: Ushi shi shi~)

"What am I going to do after this?" Rapunzel eventually blurted out, wringing her hands with despair. "When my dream has been achieved? What do I do then?" (Elizabeth: Easy. I DRINK MORE TEA!)

"Well…" Eugene looked over the lake, a small smile playing about his face. "I guess you find a new dream." (Bel: Or die. By MY hands. Elizabeth: No, I DRINK MORE TEA! Honestly, Discoabc is terrible at describing me! Me: …)

Meanwhile on the highest balcony of the royal palace, the king and queen stood together (Squalo: Fuck, not us again. Xanxus: Trash, why the hell am I here?), the first sky lantern before them and waiting to be released. The king looked at his wife sadly as a tear rolled down his cheek (Xanxus: …*get's out guns* Me: GAH! DON'T KILL ME! KILL HIM! *points at Levi* Levi: Boss? What are you doing with those guns? NOOOOOO!). His wife wiped it away and placed her hand on his cheek affectionately. (Squalo: VOOOOIIII! WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT? Me: I love you too Squ-chan~) The two of them then released the first sky lantern together and the crowd in the square below them released their own. In the boat, Eugene and Rapunzel were passing time by talking to each other when suddenly they saw the light rising into the sky, the blonde girl's heart skipping a beat as she scrambled to the bow of the boat, watching as the lanterns made their way towards her and soon surrounded the boat, bathing it in light. It was just so heartbreakingly beautiful and she breathed deeply, afraid she might suddenly cry at the sight of it all (Elizabeth: Somebody fetch me a bucket. I'M BEING TOO SOPPY, EVEN FOR MYSELF!) and her dream finally being accomplished.(Elizabeth: What about my tea dream? WHAT ABOUT MY TEA?) Suddenly she span around to see Eugene holding up two lanterns for the two of them, a smile on his face (Elizabeth: Yay. Lanterns. Amazing present captain -_- Bel: Ushi shi shi~ I have tea too~ Elizabeth: I LOVE YOU!) The sight of him grinning like this; at her and simply FOR her made her catch her breath as she slowly hopped down opposite him.

"I've got something for you too," she whispered and revealed the satchel, offering it to him. (Elizabeth: NO! WHY WOULD I GIVE AWAY SOMETHING SO PRECIOUS! I'M A BLOODY IDIOT! Bel: No disagreement there) But Eugene simply placed it to the side (Bel: The prince will deal with that later) and looked her in the eyes.

"Thank you but you have already given me enough," he told her, making Rapunzel blush (Elizabeth & Bel: WHAT THE HELL? Me: You guys are SO CUTE!) as they both let their sky lanterns float out of their hands and into the sky. Eugene watched as Rapunzel leant over the side of the boat, watching the lights around her with such joy (Elizabeth: I have my tea. I am happy forever). Now he understood. Now he understood everything. Rapunzel was his light shining and showing him the way out of that darkness he had willingly crawled into the day he had become 'Flynn Rider'. (Bel: Kill me now. Fran: If you say so Fake prince-sempai) It didn't matter that she was a fragile as china (Elizabeth: *knocks out Levi using Mukuro the frying pan* yep. I'm as fragile as china alright!) and it didn't matter that he might break her by accident. He took her hand suddenly making the girl face him, his heart thundering. (Elizabeth: Oh god…this isn't what I think this is…PLEASE tell me this isn't!) His hand then cupped her face and Pascal turned red, covering his eyes (Reborn: Oi. Give him back already. Me: SHUSH! It's getting to the good part! Reborn: Oh…so THAT'S coming *smirks*) Rapunzel giving him a small smile as they leant in towards each other and…(Elizabeth & Bel: No, no, no, no, no, NO!) Eugene stopped, spotting the Stabbington brothers on the shore. (Elizabeth: SAVED! Bel: Thank god… Levi: Hmph, you didn't deserve to be saved brats. You should have been tortured. Fran: Says you…) Eugene rowed back to shore immediately, telling Rapunzel he had something to take care of and that he would be back soon as he grabbed the satchel and walked towards the two men. He gave them back the tiara telling them that it was all theirs but those brothers didn't want that crown anymore, oh no. They wanted (Levi: For him to surrender to boss! Fran: For him to just disappear and die) Rapunzel. (Levi: WHAT? Fran: *sigh* how annoying…) And so the two loomed over Eugene, grinning widely.

Rapunzel waited nearby, not knowing what danger Eugene had just been exposed to as she talked softly to Pascal, more to reassure herself that Eugene would come back than anything else. (Elizabeth: You know…I think he's ditched me. What do you think? Leon: *transforms into a gun* Elizabeth: Hunt him down? GOOD IDEA!) Suddenly she heard footsteps and gasped a the Stabbington brothers appeared to take her away. She screamed for Eugene (Elizabeth: CAPTAIN! I HAVE RUN OUT OF TEA!) as they advanced towards her but the two men told her that they weren't coming back, pointing to his silhouette on a ship, sailing away. (Elizabeth: I KNEW IT! Now, Fran. Rapist. I am off on an epic quest to find me more tea. Wish me luck for I may never return! Fran: Good luck. Levi: OI! WHO ARE YOU CALLING A RAPIST?) And Rapunzel felt her heart break in two. (Elizabeth: WAIT! CAPTAIN TOOK SOME TEA WITH HIM! HE BETRAYED ME! NOOOOOO!) She began to run from the two men but her hair got caught on a log and she screamed with fright. (Elizabeth: MY TEA! IT'S GONE!) Suddenly she heard a couple of thuds before a familiar voice rang out.

"Rapunzel! Rapunzel!"

"Mother?" Rapunzel half sobbed as she ran towards the woman and hugged her, tears spilling down her cheeks. "Mother!" (Elizabeth: MOTHER! CAPTAIN STOLE AWAY MY TEA! I WANNA GO HOME! Lussuria: Don't worry Eliza-chan! I have tea at home! Elizabeth: *sniff* I love you mummy!) Rapunzel cried and cried and cried, not daring to look at the ship Eugene was on for fear it would crush her heart even more (Elizabeth: Captain…HOW COULD YOU!) "You were right Mother. You were right about everything!"

"I know darling," Gothel kissed her head, hugging her tightly. "I know." (Lussuria; MOTHER KNOWS BEST~ Fran: …You are way too happy Lussuria-sempai. Lussuria: CALL ME LUSS-NEE!)

Nearby a small boat crashed into a stone wall, guards hearing it and racing towards the floating ship. And there upon it was Eugene, half unconscious and tied to the steering wheel, the tiara also attached to him (Bel: Damn frog and pervert! I'LL KILL THEM!). "Rapunzel…" he murmured as the royal guards rushed onto the boat and tried to take the man to the prison as he fully awoke, horror filling his mind. "RAPUNZEL!" he yelled catching the nearby Maximus's attention and making the horse look at the now arrested man. "RAPUNZEL!"

The night soon ended and Gothel sat in Rapunzel's bedroom, removing the last of the flowers from the young girl's hair. "There, it never happened!" she said triumphantly when the last was taken out. "Now, wash up for dinner! I'm making hazelnut soup~!" (Elizabeth: Wow. Exactly what I wanted. Lussuria: I'm making tea too~ Elizabeth: I love you mummy \(^o^)/ )

Rapunzel sat on her bed, willing herself not to cry as she unfurled her hands holding a flag with the golden sun on it, something Eugene had bought for her earlier. Suddenly, as she stared at it more intently, a strange sensation came over her, the same sensation she had felt when she had tried on the tiara. She let go of the flag and looked up at the ceiling where she suddenly saw the same golden sun everywhere before finally: she remembered. She remembered her cot with the golden sun above it, she remembered those two faces, the same faces she saw on the mosaic holding up the lost baby princess, she remembered EVERYTHING (Elizabeth: I remember when I was a baby? Whoa, I got some awesome memory skills!). Letting out a small cry, she backed up into her dressing table and crashed into it, her heart thundering. Now it made sense. Now everything made sense. (Elizabeth: NO IT DOESN'T! HOW DO I REMEMBER BEING A BABY? HOW?)

In the castle prison nearby, guards were taking Eugene away. He knew his fate and he would have accepted it if it were not for one thing: Rapunzel. (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ the prince doesn't care about that servant. So, author… Me: Yesh? Bel: *grabs her collar* GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!) Suddenly he passed a cell with two very familiar looking people: the Stabbington brothers (Fran: Hi). He kicked away his guards (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ nice going author~ Me: *gulps*) and grabbed one of the men through the bars. "How did you know about her?" he demanded angrily. "How did you know?"

"T-the old lady told us about her!" they managed to tell him just before the guards got him again and began to drag Eugene away (Bel: *glares at me* Me: Err…hi?).

"Stop!" he shouted at the guards, struggling against their grip. "Stop! You don't understand!"

But the guards didn't listen and continued to drag him away, the man continuing to yell.

"Rapunzel?" in the tower Gothel stood at the foot of the stairs having heard the girl crash into the dressing table, a worried look overcoming her features. "Rapunzel, what's going on?"

The girl emerged from her bedroom, her face completely pale. (Elizabeth: HOW THE HELL CAN I REMEMBER BEING A BABY? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!) "I am the lost princess," she whispered, Gothel sighing.

"Speak up girl! You know how I hate mumbling!" the woman snapped.

"I AM THE LOST PRINCESS!" Rapunzel stood up tall, her eyes sparkling with anger. "Did I mumble mother? Or should I even be calling you that?" (Lussuria: E-Eliza-chan! Elizabeth: DON'T LISTEN TO ME! I'M CRAZY! I THINK I REMEMBER BEING A BABY! I AM STRESSED! GIMME TEA! Lussuria: Ah, we just ran out. Elizabeth: …You are not my mother BITCH.)

Gothel laughed slightly but could not cover up her surprise completely. "Rapunzel, do you know how ridiculous you sound right no-"

"It was you!" the girl backed away from the older woman, running her hands through part of her hair. "It was all you! I can't believe this!" (Lussuria: Yes. IT WAS ALL ME! I was the one who restricted your tea, I was the one who framed Bel-chan for taking it, IT WAS ALL ME! MUWHAHAHA! Elizabeth: Y-you MONSTER!) she ran down the stairs, Gothel following after her in shock. "All my life I've been hiding from people who might want to use me but I should have been hiding from YOU!" (Elizabeth: HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY TEA AND ME? HOW COULD YOU?)

"Where will you go?" Gothel finally said, looking the girl straight in the eyes. "He won't be there."

Rapunzel's eyes widened. "What have you done to him?" she whispered. (Elizabeth: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY CAPTAIN WHO MAKES THE MOST DELICIOUS TEA IN THE WORLD?)

"That criminal?" Gothel laughed. "He shall be hanged for his crimes! And so all shall be well!"

"No…NO!" the girl squeezed her eyes shut, choking back her tears. (Elizabeth: Why Luss-nee? WHY?) Gothel advanced towards her, smiling.

"It is how it is meant to be Rapunzel!" she cackled, the blonde girl letting out a small sob before lifting her head, determination visible in her eyes.

"NO! I'll never let you use my hair again now I know the truth! NEVER!" (Elizabeth: And I'll NEVER drink your SHIT tea again! Lussuria: *gasp* h-how could you say that to me Eliza-chan? YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER! Elizabeth: NO I'M NOT! I'M A PRINCESS! AN AWESOME KICKASS PRINCESS AND YOU TOOK AWAY MY TEA! YOU DID THIS ALL! I HATE YOU!) she pushed Gothel away viciously making her crash into a mirror that promptly broke. Rapunzel glared at the horrified woman before stalking away.

"So, you want me to be the bad guy?" Gothel finally whispered, her eyes narrowing. "Okay. Now I'm the bad guy…" (Lussuria: MUWHAHAHAHA! Fran: I would be scared if I were you Cute-sempai. Elizabeth: Well, YOU aren't a kickass princess so LAH DI DAH!)

Back at the prison, the guards were still carrying Eugene away and all was going well when suddenly the door slammed in front of the leader of the royal guards, the rest of the doors around them following suit. The leader banged his fist against the door and a slit in it opened to reveal a short man (Reborn: …). "What's the password?" he squeaked.

"WHAT?"

"No," the short man told him.

"OPEN THIS DOOR!"

"Not even close," the small man shut the slit.

"I'll give you three seconds!" the guard then yelled. "One!"

One of the men stopping Eugene from getting away was suddenly lifted upwards and away.

"Two!"

The second was then kidnapped, Eugene blinking slightly in confusion.

"Three…" the leader spun around to see the prisoner laughing manically at him. Suddenly the door opened and a thug from earlier whacked him round the head with a frying pan (Frying pan: Kufufu~ I have returned. Bel: …Why weren't you speaking earlier? Frying pan: …no comment).

"Ushi shi shi~ who knew that a cooking utensil could be so useful?" Eugene laughed as his bounds were cut and raced outside along with the thug aspiring to be a pianist and the small man from earlier (Gokudera: WHY THE HELL AM I HERE? Reborn: Shut up. Gokudera: Reborn-san! They got you too? Reborn: I allowed myself to be captured to get back Leon. Me: He's just embarrassed I managed to get him. Who knew that even Reborn likes fluffy toys like normal babies? *get's hit over the head* ow…) before being placed on a wooden cart.

"Head down!" the pianist said, Eugene confused but doing as he said. "Arms in! Knees apart!"

"Knees apart?" Eugene blinked but there was no time for an answer for a huge man had jumped onto the other end of the cart, catapulting him into the air and making him land on a very familiar looking horse. (Mary: Moo.). "Ushi shi shi~ you brought them here?" he asked the steed who nodded his head proudly. "Err…thanks?" (Mary: You need not thank me. Bel: Oh, okay…wait, WHAT THE HELL? Elizabeth: What? Bel: Your cow…can speak servant. Elizabeth: Yeah…and? Bel: …It could always do this? Elizabeth: Yep. Bel: Who the hell writes this shit? The prince shall no longer have any part in this! Me: …*goes cry in emo corner*)

And so Maximus and Eugene rode away towards the tower where there was quite literally a princess waiting for them (Elizabeth: YAY! MY TEA BRINGERS! YOU ARE COMING FOR ME!). They arrived quickly due to the horse running as fast as they possibly could and Eugene skillfully leapt off them, looking up to the top of the tall building. "Rapunzel!" he shouted. "Rapunzel! Let down your hair!" there was silence for a few moments and worry and anxiety took over him, fearing the worst. And then suddenly, like a miracle, golden hair cascaded down from the window at the top, a smile overcoming the man's face as he climbed the hair as if it were a rope. (Bel: Why is the prince doing this again? Me: Because *hic* you *hic* were mean to me! *cries* Elizabeth: APOLOGIZE TO DISCOABC! She has done so many things for you! Bel: Like? Elizabeth: Like creating the awesome me to be your lieutenant! Bel: …) "Ushi shi shi~ the prince didn't think he'd see the princess agai-" he stopped midway through his sentence upon seeing Rapunzel gagged and her hands tied with thick chains, muffled cries erupting from her lips. Suddenly a sharp pain coursed through his body and he looked down to see a dagger sticking out of him, Gothel's hand attached to the handle. And from it pulsed red sticky blood, dying his white shirt scarlet. Suddenly the sharp weapon was pulled out of him, more blood flowing as he fell to the floor, his breath labored. (Elizabeth: CAPTAIN, NOOOOO! NOW HOW SHALL I GET MY TEA? HOW? Lussuria: MUWHAHAHAHA! Bel: Ushi shi shi~ my royal blood has been spilled! MY ROYAL BLOOD HAS BEEN SPILLED! Me: That's what you get for being mean to me motherfucker! MUWHAHAHA! Fran: Note to self, do not annoy crazy author-san…)

"Now look what you've done Rapunzel!" Gothel stepped over the man who was withering slightly in pain, twirling her dagger in her slender fingers. "Your silly actions have made this man die! Don't you feel ashamed?" she pranced over to the girl, grabbing the chains wrapped around the girl's wrists and pulling hard, Rapunzel trying to scream in protest. "So we are going to go somewhere where nobody shall ever find you and so you won't try to do such a silly thing like escaping ever again!" (Lussuria: AND THAT PLACE SHALL HAVE NO TEA! NONE! Elizabeth: NOOOOOO!)

As Rapunzel struggled and struggled, and struggled the cloth wrapped round her mouth came loose and she screamed, tears threatening to fall down her face (Elizabeth: TEEEEAAAAAA!). "I will never stop fighting! NEVER! I will always try to get away from you no matter where we go, always trying to find a way to escape till the day I die!" she shrieked before looking downwards and biting her lip. "But…if you let me save him I will go willingly. I will never try to escape. I will be with you forever." (Elizabeth: I must save him for if he dies, the person who can make the most delicious tea in the world, my Tea God shall shun me forever. It is my duty to save him. FOR TEA!)

"No…" Eugene took a strangled breath as he tried to crawl towards Rapunzel, trying to avoid the shattered pieces of the mirror that were scattered around him. Gothel looked at Rapunzel before sighing.

"Silly girl," she muttered as she grabbed the chains around Rapunzel and took them off her wrists before placing them around Eugene instead. "Just so you don't try and follow us," she hissed before backing away, Rapunzel running towards the injured man.

"Eugene!" she sobbed as she grabbed the end of her hair, trying to wrap it round him.

"No…Rapunzel don't…" he managed to cough out. (Elizabeth: You try and stop me from completing my duty? Uh HELL NO!)

"I'm so sorry…but everything will be okay now!" she smiled at him sadly. "Everything is going to be okay…"

"Rapunzel…wait…" he reached his hand out and caught the back of his hair as he managed to pull himself up slightly so that he and the blonde girl were face to face. (Elizabeth: Oh no, not again…) Their lips were so close to each other, so tantalizingly close and Eugene tightened his grip on her and…(Elizabeth & Bel: No, no, no, no, no, NO!) he used a piece of the mirror that had fallen onto the floor to cut the girl's hair, it turning brown instantly (Elizabeth: SAVED! Bel: The prince finally likes his character…).

"Eugene!" Rapunzel cried, understanding what he had done as her brown hair that now only reached her waist-long but not as long as it originally had been- waved slightly in the wind, Gothel letting out a scream (Lussuria: NO! MY ANTI-AGEING MAGIC BLONDE GLOWING HAIR! Elizabeth: I got my original hair back! YAY! Wait…captain is dying! NOOOO! MY DUTY HAS NOT BEEN FUFILLED!)

"NO!" Gothel screeched as her skin began to grow old again and her hair white before stretching the hood of the cloak over her face in shame, Pascal pulling a part of the long now brown hair cross the floor with his teeth so that she tripped over it and fell out of the window (Elizabeth: …Leon? You are a…murderer? Reborn: *sigh* that's why I wanted him back. He always manages to kill somebody… Leon: …^o^) but before she hit the ground, she had turned into a pile of dust and bones. Rapunzel didn't have long to stay horrified at this (Elizabeth: I didn't? B-but a chameleon tried to KILL somebody!) as she remembered that Eugene who was in her arms now was dying (Elizabeth: Oh yeah…WAIT! DON'T DIE CAPTAIN! I NEED YOU ALIVE FOR THE SAKE OF MY TEA GOD!).

"Eugene! Eugene, stay with me!" she cried, the man coughing up a little blood in response. She placed his hand on her now shorter brown hair, on the verge of crying. "Flower gleam and glow~ Let your power shine~" she sang desperately. "Make the clock reverse~ Bring back what once was mine~" (Elizabeth: DAMMIT! WHY COULDN'T YOU CUT MY HAIR ATER I HAD HEALED YOU? Stupid captain!)

"Rapunzel…stop…" Eugene told her making the girl become quiet and simply look at him. "I have…something to tell…you…"

"What is it Eugene?" she managed to choke out through her sobs, biting her lip in an attempt to shut herself up.

"You were my new dream…" he whispered, forcing his eyelids to stay open (Elizabeth: …That was so fricken cheesy I don't know whether I should bring you back to life. Bel: I am your source of income. Heal me. Elizabeth: RIGHT! Wait…YOU ARE ALIVE! WHAT THE HELL? Bel: well you managed to speak with a gag on servant. Elizabeth: …Touché. BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT AS CHEESY AS YOU!)

"And you were mine," Rapunzel told him, her tears finally spilling down her cheeks. (Elizabeth: FUCK!) Eugene managed to give her a small smile before his eyelids shut and his hand that the girl was holding grew limp. "No…no…no…" she sobbed (Elizabeth: NOOO! THE TEA GOD SHALL SHUN ME FOREVER! NOOO!), her hands linking around his neck as she took deep breaths, trying to calm herself. "Heal what has been hurt~" she began to sing the rest of the healing incantation. "Change the fates' design~ Save what has been lost~ bring back what once was mine~ What once was mine~" she finished singing and pressed her forehead against Eugene's now cold one, one of her tears rolling across her cheek and onto his. Suddenly where the tear had touched began to glow before the glow then transferred over to his stomach where he had been stabbed, light flowing out in the shape of a golden flower. After a few moments it vanished and Rapunzel moved part of Eugene's green waistcoat to see his injury under his white shirt had healed.

"Rapunzel…" her name suddenly past through the man's lips, the now brunette looking at him, hope sparkling in her green eyes. (Elizabeth: I HAVEN'T FAILED THE TEA GOD AFTER ALL! HE SHALL NOT SHUN ME!) "Did the prince ever tell you he had a thing for brunettes?" (Elizabeth: No, that piece of information passed me by…*stares at Bel* Bel: Ushi shi shi~ the prince looks good with brunettes, that is all, servant. Elizabeth: Uh huh, I totally believe you captain…)

"EUGENE!" she let out a cry of joy and leapt into his arms before kissing him passionately (Elizabeth: …The time we actually kiss and it's NOT dramatic and has a big lead up? WHAT THE HELL? Bel: Ushi shi shi~ the prince agrees *glares at Me* Me: I DID NOTHING! JUST BE INSANE! BLAME BLUEMELANCHOLY! THEY DECIDED THAT I SHOULD DO TANGLED, NOT ME!). And s the very same day, the two travelled to the Royal palace and Rapunzel met with her parents for the first time in eighteen years (Squalo: NO! GO AWAY! WE DON'T WANT YOU! Xanxus: Fucking trash, you took your time. Now make me tea), Eugene's crimes being overlooked as he had been the one to take their long lost daughter to them (Squalo: Take her back to where you find her and LEAVE HER THERE TO DIE). A week of celebrations was then held and, soon after, Eugene proposed to Rapunzel (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ Marry me or else~ Elizabeth: Make me tea and I'll think about it. Bel: *shows her glass ring with tea inside* Elizabeth: I love you ^o^). And so, they all lived happily ever after. Except Gothel who kinda died unhappily ever after. And the Stabbington brothers who were locked up in jail for life ever after. But nobody really cares about them…right? (Lussuria & Levi: AHEM! Fran: Annoying… Me: Fran, I love you really and Luss-nee is like my mother so it DOES end happily ever after! Levi: What about me? Me: Levi…I'm not sure how to say this but…*pushes him off edge of cliff* right. Now who wants pizza?)

**Discoabc: Is it bad that I made that extra longer than the actual real plot line? IS IT?**

**Fran: Why did you make it so long anyway?**

**Discoabc: Well…I was watching the film as I wrote this so I kinda just felt I wanted everything in and so…BOOM.**

**Fran: Right…**

**Lussuria: ELIZA-CHAN! I'M SO SORRY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAME VER ME TO TAKE AWAY YOUR TEA! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!**

**Elizabeth: *on the floor bleeding alongside Bel, Discoabc looming over them with baseball bat***

**Discoabc: The deed has been done! MUWHAHAHAHAHA- Oh, hey guys!**

**Squalo: VOOOIIII! How the hell do you keep knocking them out when they are trained assassins? YOU SHOULD BE DEAD!**

**Discoabc: *shows them Leon on my shoulder***

**Squalo: Oh. OH.**

**Reborn: Oi. Give me back my partner.**

**Discoabc: NO! HE'S MINE NOW! MINE! MUWHAHAHA!**

**Leon: ^o^**

**Everyone: Creepy…**

**Discoabc: Review or I'll set Leon on you! And trust me: YOU DON'T WANT THAT! Bye~**

**Fran: *sigh* how annoying…**


	13. Library Varia RUN NOW

**Yo guys! Sorry it's been a little while since my last update, school is draining especially since I'm doing something after school everyday =_= And I'm still expected to get high levels in uh, EVERYTHING *cries* but hey, as I always say to my friends, what will complaining do about it? Apart from everything…ANYHOW, on the 5****th**** October IT WAS BY BIRTHDAY! YAY! And I got an AWESOME tablet and pen thing (I named the Tablet Mukuro and the pen Chrome because I was high off having two whole cakes) and so I can finally show you guys what Eliza-chan looks like! YAYAY! Shout outs~!**

**Soul Vrazy: Don't worry about getting my common sense back, it's been gone for quite some time…OH WHERE DID YOU GO? COME BACK! PLEASE! WAIT! If I get you back then I might not be able to write anything insane anymore! NOOOOOO! What does it feel to be without common sense? Well, I know my friends are annoyed about it…XD PUDDING! OMG, YAYAYAY! HAPPY DANCE INITIATED! *Spins around in desk chair* I LOVE MY CHAIR! IT IS PINK AND AWESOME! YAY!**

**KayleeXD: When I read the first words of your review I simply went 'THEY HAVE RETURNED! PREPARE THE BATMOBILE ROBIN!' it might have been because we just went to see where they films part of the movie…TO THE BAT CAVE ROBIN! MUWHAHAHA! Okay, I'll stop now. Luss-nee is like my fictional best friend. I know somebody EXACTLT like them and we always cause chaos XD everytime I meet them they shout my name and glomp me. Which is why I have bruises. From hitting the floor. THEY WEIGH A TON! TAT PINEAPPLES FOR THE WIN! Bel trying to flirt….HAHAHAHA! Sorry, I imagine the weirdest things…O.o INTERNET HELL! WHERE ALL GOOD MEMES COME TO REST! Your dad is an accountant? *joins you in eyeing him suspiciously* I am sorry to say but not all British people are awesome. Just a select few. Like the queen. HIGH FIVE ME WOMAN! ME LOVES YOU! I shouted the word Futabulous in the middle of my history class…now everybody is saying it. I HAVE STARTED A TREND! MUWHAHAHA! Eliza-chan breaks the fourth wall on a regular basis. Xanxi-chan does too…by throwing Levi through it. I bet there is a real tea foundation out there now because of Eliza, I bet you… Squ-chan used Voi. It lowered the opponents patience by 100%. XD le gasp! How could you mistake future Tuna for being cute and not ; -hot? HOW COULD YOU? A few days back: ME: *walks up to bro* I am about to embark on an epic journey. Bro: to do what? ME: TO DRAW A PREGNANT SQU-CHAN FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THINGS FANISH! Bro: *salutes me* I wish you luck. *Sigh* I love mah bro…BOOM! HEADSHOT! XD Yeah Bel! Accept Eliza's sexiness! ACCEPT IT! Ryohei isn't the tea god, don't worry. He just LOOKS like them according to Eliza. I think they are more of a Xanxi guy though…Meh. Just my opinion.**

**ShinigamiinPeru: Eliza and Bel-chan are so adorable…*girlish squeals* One day they will be a proper romantic pairing, one day…when I decide to think through this stories plotline a bit more. But that means effort and I am a lazy insane person. *Cries* I was gonna have the secretly gay family be instead just awesome and badass and get their butts kicked by Levi anyway but that just didn't seem right for some reason…BLAMING LEVI. Insanity as brainwashing? My plans for taking over the world have become even more elaborate! MUWHAHA! I thought of the swear box thing a while back but there didn't seem any appropriate time to fit it in…BEL! REALIZE YOUR LOVE FOR ELIZA SO WE CAN HAVE MORE CUTE MOMENTS! Bel: ?**

**Yuki-shi-chan: You are dying? NOOOOOO! *picks up phone* what's taking you so long Byaku-chan? ANOTHER READER IS DYING FROM LAUGHTER! HURRY UP DAMMIT!**

**Che-Shire-Cat17: You are dead already? Ah well, we always have Byakuran to bring us back to life. Because we have marshmallows. Evil grin. I've already done Snow White though so I can't so it again…or can I? CONFUSION! AND DON'T TAKE AWAY MY TEA! NOOOOO!**

**TasmanianTempest: That is some…awesome family. LET ME COME LIVE WITH YOU! But then I wouldn't have my awesome bro…AH WELL! FAMILY COMES FIRST! Wait...what did I just type? O.o Aww, cute real life Bel x Eliza! One day this fic will reach the romance part, one day…NOW GO! AND LIVE YOUR LIFE EPICALLY! FUFILL YOUR DREAM! Your online twin jax2000 laughed and smiled at this fic? And you got it on camera? Kufufu, you have learnt well young reviewer! YOU HAVE LEARNT WELL!**

**ixCheshire: TWINNIE! Too long we have been separated, too long *wipes away tear* I know somebody who swears at least once in every sentence they speak…they would be broke and living in a dustbin. Me laughing in the background like the evil sadist I sometimes am XD Let us go to those meetings! THE TEA HATERS MUST DIE! MUWHAHAHA! If only the Varia website was real…(Xanxi-chan's gift card is hidden in those feathers of his *wink* Xanxus: Trash *get's out guns* me: WAIT! DON'T KILL ME! HERE HAVE TEA! HAVE IT ALL!) THE FU-TABULOUS TREND IS CATCHING ON? :KBSFkvf *dies epically and is brought back to life by Byaku-chan* Don't worry, I think Squ-chan should be off her monthly's soon (Squalo: VOOOII! I'M NOT A GIRL! Me: Right…) Dying has got no talent Whatsoever will be back soon ;) Squ-chan! GO SIT ON THE NAUGHTY STEP FOR UPSETTING LUSS-NEE! NO BUT'S! NOT EVEN BADASS ONES! America bets 700 euros? Well, ENGLAND BETS 1000 EUROS! MUWHAHA! The tea dream…lol. Mark, Bob and John. You shall be forever remembered for your awesome sleepover plan *wipes tear away* LE GASP! Where was his sister spatula Chrome? OMG! IT'S WHERE'S WALLY ALL OVER AGAIN! BUT WITH **_**PINEAPPLES! **_**You want a pizza? M'kay, it's all yours twinnie ;)**

**LoStInIlLuSiOn: Fran: messing up sentences since…FOREVER. (Fran: *does peace out*) Yeah, I love Yama-chan and stuff but those smiles…RUN. RUN AWAY NOW. WE CAN STILL MAKE IT TO AFRICA AND ESCAPE HIS WRATH! Why do we need to run? Something concerning his baseball bat, bloodstains, fairy tales and me…Swear boxes-messing up sentences since BEFORE forever. I.e. we beat Fran. SUCK ON THAT BITCH! WAIT! I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I LOVE YOU REALLY FRAN! HONEST! Mary, we missed you. We honestly did. COWS FOREVER DUDE! Futabulous. I SHALL CAMPAIGN FOR IT TO BE ACCEPTED INTO THE DITCTIONARY AS A REAL WORD! IN THE NAME OF THE TEA GOD, THIS TASK SHALL BE ACCOMPLISHED! MUWHAHA! Ahem. Nah, you readers aren't stalkers. I was just high when I wrote that last chappie (as usual) "Seven, ten, SAME THING!" Eliza-chan the genius. Only she can pull that off without looking like a completely insane psycho idiot. She pulls it off looking like a completely insane psycho **_**tea loving**_** idiot. Makes all the difference. "TELL ME ABOUT IT!" …Must…erase…image… ; *dies AGAIN and gets Byaku-chan to bring be back to life. AGAIN* Darling, we ALL talk to ourselves. It's only weird when the little voice in your head wins an argument you are having with yourself. SHUT UP STEVE! Sorry, about that, my mind wants to have tea again. No Steve, WE ALREADY DRANK 5 LITRES! So, SHUDDAP! I wondered why Eliza knew their names but *shrugs* she's awesome. No more questions. WHITE HAIR FOR THE WIN INDEED! Goku-chan…HAHAHAHA! Your comments make me laugh all the time :)**

**Fire Tests Silver: …Your bro…comb over…*goes into corner* what has been seen cannot be unseen, what had been seen cannot be unseen JOKING! My soul *sniff* I shall miss it terribly. AH WELL! Life goes on~ Don't worry, there will be a sleepover chappie one day…one day…I was gonna call the Irritante family the Iamtheenemybutdonottellanyon e but it didn't have the same effect…LEVI! ONE DAY YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES! WHEN WE FIGURE OUT HOW TO KILL YOU! AND STUFF! YAY!**

**My bro came into my room and looked on the computer when I had finished writing the shout outs and he just said 'what the hell?' and I can only agree with him. BUT STILL SEND ME REVIEWS! I LOVE YOU GUYS!**

Chapter 13: Library + Varia = RUN NOW.

"SQU-CHAN! IT'S TERRIBLE!" Lussuria burst into the sitting room to find the said man, a bored looking Fran, a smirking Levi and a tied up Elizabeth, duct tape stuck across her lips. "…Eliza-chan?"

"She interrupted boss's tea break and therefore must face the consequences," Levi told him, his arms crossed and a triumphant look on his face. Lussuria turned to the tied up girl, his glasses gleaming sternly.

"Is this true Eliza-chan?" he asked, the girl shaking her head furiously in response.

"I thought you just tied her up to do something unspeakable that would get this story banned in thirty-four countries…" Fran muttered.

"Hmm? Did you say something Fran-chan?" Lussuria asked the boy, his head cocked to one side.

"No."

"MUMPH! MUMPH!" Elizabeth's yells were muffled by the tape stuck to her mouth, the girl struggling around in the rope tying her wrists together. Squalo smirked at her predicament and stood in front of her, his arms crossed over his chest.

"VOOOI! That's what you get for being such an annoying brat!" he yelled with obvious delight. In response, Elizabeth twisted her body round and showed him her middle finger. Oh yes, even when tied up with no idea how to get free, she could still annoy the hell out of Squalo. As shown below~

"**VOOOOOOOIIIII! YOU FUCKING BITCH!"**

"SQU-CHAN! STOP!" Lussuria ran up to the man and restrained him as he flailed his limbs around, trying to get to the girl who was letting out muffled giggles.

"VOOOIII! LET GO OF ME YOU GIRLY BASTARD!" Squalo roared with pure anger, pointing his sword at the brunette. "SHE DESERVES TO **DIE**!"

Elizabeth stopped giggling at loud out a small squeak from the murderous aura surrounding Squalo. Usually she would take no notice of this and simply continue to verbally abuse the man but being tied up kind of made her feel vulnerable. Hell, she was an assassin! Having restricted movement at anytime made her feel uneasy in a way! Which begged the question, why the hell was Levi so good at tying people up? She turned her head and stared for a moment, the said man looking smug knowing the brunette would not be able to attack him no matter how much his 'murdered' tea. Oh what fun shall he have… Elizabeth, noticing the sinister look in his eyes, gave a small shriek-well, what passed for a shriek with that tape covering her mouth-and managed to flip herself to her feet, hopping towards a nearby table and standing in front of it protectively. Why had she done this? Well earlier she had decided to make herself some awesome tea since quite frankly, Lussuria was the one always making it for her and although he had admittedly improved, it still tasted like something that _resembled _shit. Xanxus on the other hand had not noticed the improvement and continued to claim that it _was_ shit. This was one of the reasons why Belphegor liked coffee, there being a machine to make the beverage instead of somebody having to do it manually. Well, as manual as tea making got AKA putting the right ratio of milk to tea in the mug. Elizabeth had a degree for this. Lussuria didn't. Actually, Xanxus didn't have a degree in tea making either but when have you seen him actually make the hot beverage? I rest my case.

ANYWAY! Elizabeth had made that fricken awesome tea that she had to sneak out of her office to do so which was quite the task since Bel had decided that her office was SO much more interesting than his. Thus knives were strung across the floor and walls in pictured-mostly of teacups. Elizabeth asked him _very _nicely for him to do this. And bribed him with doing some of his paperwork. Again. Yay. And those that were not arranged into a sort of orderly fashion, because really since when did Bel ever plan things, were often lying point up. Safe to say nearly everyone who entered Elizabeth's awesome office had to go to the infirmary with deep cuts in their feet. Unfortunately, Levi had yet to enter the girl's death trap but one day, one day…I'm going off topic again. So, Elizabeth managed to sneak out of the death trap when Bel had fallen asleep in one of the chairs, a pair of cat ears on his head that had DEFINITELY not been there when he had fallen into his slumber courtesy of a certain brunette, and made her awesome tea. THE PLOT THICKENS! Once reaching the sitting room she found that, shock horror, SHE HAD NO BISCUITS TO GO WITH THE TEA! OH, THE HUMANITY! And this is why she interrupted Xanxus's tea break. She had done it all, quite literally, for the cookie. I LIE! COOKIES ARE VERY DIFFERENT FROM BISCUITS! SPREAD THE WORD PEOPLE, SPREAD THE WORD! So this is why she was standing in front of a table. Like I always say, everything I do has a reason for it. Just most of those reasons aren't very good ones.

Levi grinned at Elizabeth who let out another shriek as he walked towards her, slowly and deliberately, drawing a parabola. The girl looked desperately at Lussuria who was still restraining Squalo, the man understanding her somehow. "LEVI! DO WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO DO AND YOU WILL BE GROUNDED_ FOR LIFE_!" he screeched.

"This is for boss," Levi stated firmly, electricity sparking from the parabola now. "Move brat."

_But the girl did not budge, knowing that if she did her precious friends who had stuck through with her through good times and bad times would be killed. And, as she had promised her God that fateful day all those years ago, she stood there with her head held high, protecting them. "Leave us!" one of her friends cried. "Leave us and run!"_

"_I will not leave you again," the girl proclaimed proudly._

"_But why? WHY?"_

"_Because…" she turned around, a sad smile on her lips. "Because I promised I would protect you."_

"And thus Cute-sempai died a horrible death by being electrocuted from Levi-sempai's umbrella," Fran shut the book in his hands, his usual bored look on his face.

"T-That was…SO BEAUTIFUL!" Lussuria cried comically. "I never knew you were so passionate Elizabeth! The friendship, the strong bond, IT WAS SO AMAZING!"

Elizabeth nodded furiously, tears also streaming from her eyes. "It costs about 100 Euros per copy," Fran informed them. "200 for a limited edition."

"Sometimes I see the similarities between you and Mammon…" Squalo sweat dropped as Lussuria got out a wad of notes, Elizabeth trying to do the same. But failing. She's tied up remember?

"…It's not an umbrella…" Levi said, referring to Fran's description of Elizabeth's death. Otherwise, it was PERFECT! Thinking of how she would scream as he completely destroyed her body, laughter bubbled from his throat as he advanced towards Elizabeth who let out another muffled shriek and jumped out of the way. Screw her awesome tea and her bond with them, SHE WAS GOING TO DIE AT THIS RATE! After thinking this thought she changed her mind completely and tried to jump back but lost her balance and toppled backwards, Levi suddenly leaping towards her getting so close that she could feel the heat of the crackling electricity on her cheek. Before another scream passed through her lips she was suddenly pulled backwards into something slightly squishy before practically flying across the room, slender fingers keeping her close to the warm squishy thing she had been pulled into earlier. That same thing being also stripy. Before she had time to consider whether Wally who she had been trying to find for five whole fucking years had kidnapped her, she glimpsed something familiar. No, it was not the sparkly awesome tiara she really wanted for some strange unknown reason, probably her girly instincts taking over, it was two blonde haired cat ears. A realization that had come to her earlier when she had placed the same ears on a certain blonde captain came again: Bel looked fucking awesome with cat ears. Full stop.

"Ushi shi shi~ what are you doing to the prince's servant?" he half sang, holding Elizabeth in his hands bridal style. Not that the girl noticed, too busy admiring her spontaneous idea to put them on the boy. "I said," Bel glared at Levi from underneath his bangs when no response came. "What are you doing to the prince's servant?"

To say Belphegor whatever-his-second-name-is-as-nobody-seems-to-know-it was annoyed was an understatement. After waking up in Elizabeth's office having had a great time not having to do any paperwork in return for making pictures of teacups on the girl's walls and floors with the intentions of flirting with the brunette again-always a good boredom killer-he had found much to his immediate frustration that she wasn't there. So he had set off trying to find her, wondering whether Fran would turn up first thus giving him an opportunity to do another of his favorite boredom killing activities AKA Let's-throw-knives-at-the-Frog-and-see-if-he-can-feel-any-pain-after-all-or-even-simply-bleed-to-death game. Yay. But after not finding anyone for at least five minutes, patience not being one of Bel's (few) good traits, he got pissed off. THE PRINCE DEMANDED HIS BOREDOM TO BE DISSPELLED! So after hearing muffled shrieks and screams and realizing somebody was in pain and HE wasn't causing that torture, Bel stormed into the sitting room to see Elizabeth tied up and jumping out of the way of Levi's parabola. First thought of the prince: What the fuck? Second thought of the prince: Levi is into BONDAGE? Naturally, Bel was a very confused royal man. He then saw Elizabeth as she tried to jump back to where she was a few seconds ago making him even more perplexed. Bel then spied a pot of tea. Ah. Now EVERYTHING made sense.

And so, like the awesome captain he was, Bel saved Elizabeth's life before something else entered his mind. Yes, it was clear that Elizabeth was there because of tea but her stay had been PROLONGED because of Levi thus causing him more boredom than necessary. So Levi now needed to die. For the millionth time. YAY! "This brat," Levi began his answer to Bel's question, obviously disappointed that Elizabeth had escaped death by his hands. "Interrupted boss's tea break."

Okay, it was official. Tea was the source of everyone's problems.

"MUMPH!" Elizabeth half huffed and Bel was certain that she would have crossed her arms across her chest if they hadn't been tied behind her back. The blonde was also certain her MUMPH translated as 'Levi needs to die again. Oh and, could you take this duct tape off my mouth? It's annoying the hell out of me.' Yes, one MUMPH can mean a lot of things…so Bel being the currently awesome captain he was right now was only to happy to oblige.

RIIIIP!

"ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!" Elizabeth screamed right in Bel's face, her lower lip having split by the sheer force the blonde had used to remove the tape, blood dripping down her chin and onto her clothes, also a red mark surrounding her mouth. "IT BUUUURRRNNNS!" she wailed as the boy put her on the floor, using his knives to cut the rest of her ropes in one fluid movement. Obviously the pain could not have been very great because Elizabeth began to prance around the room, flaying her limbs around wildly. "I'M FREEEE! I NEVER KNEW I WOULD MISS WALKING SO MUCH! I LOVE MY LEGS! THEY ARE AWESOME!" she shrieked happily, blood still trailing down her face. How hygienic.

"VOOOII! If you like walking so much then go do something productive!" Squalo yelled, pointing to the exit. Suddenly Elizabeth was sitting on a couch, a teacup in her hands.

"Yeah, I don't like walking anymore. It's a pain," she drawled before taking a sip of her drink and spitting it out. "Ew, there is blood in my tea…" she then shrugged and took another sip. Squalo then stood over her, a dark aura surrounding him.

"_Die_," he seethed.

"Sorry but I'm too awesome to die~!"

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIII!"

The group watching as Elizabeth ran around the room with Squalo chasing her, the first laughing and the latter yelling. "Oh! I just remembered what I came in here for!" Lussuria clapped his hands together happily.

"That was some time back…" Fran muttered.

"SQU-CHAN!" Lussuria grabbed Squalo's collar as he ran past him, half suffocating the man. "WE MUST GO TO THE LIBRARY!"

Silence.

"Why?" Squalo finally asked in a suspicious tone. When Lussuria dragged him places it never ended well…

"Because all couples have lovey dovey moments in libraries!" the man let out a squeal before taking about a flip chart with the words 'Luss-nee and Squ-chan's perfect library date' printed over it. "They have cute study sessions," he began, showing a picture of him reading a book and a smiling Squalo leaning over him. "Forbidden kisses in the quiet sections," he flipped over to the next page, Elizabeth covering her eyes and the front of her teacup. "And some even have quiet se-"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Squalo yelled as Lussuria began to turn over the next page, Elizabeth going extremely white and half fainting onto a sofa being careful to put her tea down first.

"Cute-sempai, are you okay?" Fran asked in a voice, which said that he really wouldn't have cared what her condition was in the first place making you wonder why he even asked it.

"My poor innocent mind…" she wailed slightly, hugging a cushion tightly. "IT HAS BEEN TAINTED BY UNSPEAKABLE PICTURES!"

"Innocent mind?" Levi scoffed. Cue empty teacup flying at his head knocking him out.

"HEADSHOT!" Elizabeth pumped her fists in the air as she continued to lie down on the sofa, giggling uncontrollably. "MUWHAHAHAHA!"

As usual, Elizabeth's psychotic laughter was ignored.

"So, in conclusion, we should go to the library!" Lussuria clapped his hands together.

"No." That response was from Squalo, Elizabeth still laughing her head off, believing that she had killed Levi. FINALLY.

"If you don't come with me I will delegate all my cooking responsibilities to Elizabeth."

"…Fucking bastard," Squalo swore, knowing Lussuria had beaten him. "Alright, I'll go but ONLY because of that laughing brat over there so DON'T GET ANY IDEAS!"

Of course, Lussuria didn't get _any _ideas. "SQU-CHAN! YOU HAVE FINALLY ADMITTED YOU LOVE FOR ME!" Yep, no ideas whatsoever. "I know! How about everyone else comes too and widens their knowledge in the process!"

"Ushi shi shi~ no way you perverted freak," Bel glared at the man from underneath his bangs. Like hell he was going! "The prince has better things to do than watch you and the shark commander have se-"

"THIS IS T RATED DAMMIT!" Elizabeth suddenly yelled, rolling off the sofa and onto the floor with a huge thud. "DON'T MENTION THE WORD!"

"What, se-" Fran was cut off by a bullet whizzing past his head.

"I SAID DON'T SAY IT!" the brunette spun her gun round in her fingers before putting it back in it's holster. "Anyway, aren't you too young to know what it even means? AREN'T YOU TOO YOUNG?"

Before Fran had the chance to say anything, Lussuria joined in with their banter. "Yeah Fran-chan! You are only eight! ONLY A CHILD!" the man began to sob. "Have I brought him up in an environment that has meant he has learnt things before his time? IS IT MY FAULT?"

"No Luss-nee! It was never your fault!" the girl rushed over to them, hugging the man tightly. "If it was anyone's fault it was Levi's! And probably Squ-chan's."

"VOOOIIIIIII! FRAN ONLY JOINED THE VARIA A FEW MONTHS AGO!" Squalo yelled. "AND HOW THE FUCK WOULD IT BE MY FAULT ANYWAY?"

"Because you are our in denial mother and everything you do has an affect on us, your children," Elizabeth stated, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

"VOOOOIIII! FIRST OF ALL, YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING CHILD EVEN IF YOU ACT LIKE A DAMN ONE! AND SECOND…" the man took a deep breath. "**I AM NOT A FUCKING WOMAN!"**

Shockwaves literally flew through the room, Elizabeth's longish hair flying into her face and momentarily blinding her. Squalo breathed heavily, his outburst having taken the energy out of him completely. "Oh…" the brunette blew some strands out of her eyes, her grin returning to her face. "Still in denial are we?"

Squalo quite literally broke down on the floor muttering things about how his subordinates were 'useless' and how completely and utterly 'stupid' Bel's lieutenant were. He was all for her being tied up again! "Fine…" he eventually muttered weakly. "Call me a fucking woman…like I care."

"Woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman, woman," Elizabeth, Bel and Fran all said in unison, the latter droning in a monotone voice the whole way through.

"VOOOOOOOOIIIII! SHUT UP!"

"So…we are all going to the library then?" Lussuria asked, slightly confused by everything.

"Ushi shi shi~ the answer is still no perverted freak~" Bel sang. "I have more important things to do like catch up with my servant."

"HA! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME! NEVER!" Elizabeth shrieked, jumping onto the back of the nearby sofa. "MUWHAHAHA!"

"…Cute-sempai, I don't think he meant that…" Fran sighed slightly at the girl as she began to sing various random songs. How annoying…

Lussuria made a small noise that resembled a squawk of a parrot, rather fitting considering what his hair looked like. Yes, I think it looks like a parrot. Deal with the parrot-ness. DEAL WITH IT. "But you children NEVER study! I don't want anybody to think my darling sons and daughter are stupid!"

"Have a nice time persuading everyone otherwise," Squalo muttered under his breath, glaring at the youngest three in the room.

"Going to the library is a good experience! You'll remember things you have forgotten during your years at school! And anyway, if you don't go you might have to take evening classes at a school because my children _cannot_ be stupid!" Lussuria continued, his voice stern.

"NOOOO! NOT SCHOOL!" Elizabeth screamed and hid under the sofa, her arms covering her head. "DON'T MAKE ME GO BAC TO THOSW CHILD ABUSERS! _DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK!_"

"I spent fourteen years at school thus I have no desire to go back at all Lussuria-sempai," Fran stated bluntly, not at all pleased with the prospect of going back.

"IT'S LUSS-NEE!" Lussuria cried. "And anyway, you are only eight! How could you have spent fourteen years at school?"

"VOOOIII! HE'S NOT EIGHT!" Squalo yelled.

"So how old is he then Squ-chan? Enlighten us."

"…" A pause. "…" Another pause. "….VOOOIII! Why the fuck should I know that?"

"SQU-CHAN! LANGUAGE!" Parrot-nee scolded.

"WHY ARE YOU ONLY BOTHERED ABOUT THAT NOW?"

"Don't make excuses Squ-chan!" Lussuria tutted. "You need to be responsible for your actions!"

"Somebody kill me!" the man hung his head miserably.

"Ushi shi shi~ gladly shark commander!" Bel laughed getting out some knives.

"VOOOOOOIIII! I WASN'T SERIOUS!"

Whilst Bel chased Squalo around the room, throwing knives madly, Elizabeth was having a deep conversation with herself in her consciousness. Yes, a _deep_ conversation with herself. It happens sometimes. ONLY SOMETIMES.

_If we go back to school then maybe Squ-chan won't call us stupid anymore! _Part of her chirped happily.

**But I don't want to go back to school! Those teachers are child abusers! **Another whimpered.

_But Squ-chan won't be able to call us stupid!_

**I know! But is the hassle really worth it?**

_Yes._

…**Are you sure?**

_Yes I'm sure! It'll be like old times, sitting in the playground and playing tag with our friends only we'll be much…much….much bigger._

**NOOOO! I'LL LOOK LIKE LEVI AKA A PEDO RAPIST!**

_Calm down! We won't look like Lev-_

**NOOOOOOOOOOO! I DON'T WANNA GO SCHOOL! I WANNA STAY HERE AND DRINK TEA! DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK! DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK!**

_I'm sure it'll be fine…probably._

**YOU JUST SAID PROBABLY! I KNEW YOU WEREN'T SURE ABOUT GOING BACK! I KNEW IT!**

_Wait! I didn't mean it! I'm certain we'll be fin-_

**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

_**SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH!**_

_Who are you?_

**Don't tell me…IT'S A RAPIST!**

_**I'm PART of you dammit! Honestly, it's your fault that we are considered to be stupid! If we only thought things out more then we wouldn't be that stupid blonde prince's lieutenant! Hell, we would be the head of the Varia and nobody would be able to talk shit about us ever again!**_

**Really? That sounds kinda cool…WAIT! CAPTAIN ISN'T STUPID! DON'T INSULT HIM!**

_**Whatcha gonna do? Kill with your stupidity?**_

**VOOOOOIIIII!**

_**And so we are now that stupid shark. Great, this is why I didn't want to be the minor voice in this consciousness. I mean, WHY AM I THE MINOT VOICE? I'm the smartest out of everyone here! Rant, rant, rant…**_

_This was meant to be a deep conversation…_

_**TEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAA!**_

_**And why are THEY the one in charge? All that voice in this consciousness does is yell 'tea' all day! THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ME! THEY DON'T KNOW!**_

…_Why me? Why am I stuck here, a perfectly good voice of reason? Who decided to put me in this insane consciousness? _

_**TEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAA!**_

_Huh, makes sense…_

And so, Elizabeth came to the conclusion that bunny rabbits should never be allowed to play croquet. Never. Oh and that they should probably go to the library instead of school. Yay.

_Later_

"Lussuria-sempai…"

"CALL ME LUSS-NEE! Ahem, yes Fran-chan?"

"…Isn't letting long haired commander get the library cards a really bad idea?"

"I'm sure it'll be fine…" Lussuria rifled through some books as Squalo began to wave his sword, that was conveniently disguised as a magic wand; you would never believe how sticking a pink star on the end of a sword with pink stickers saying 'Girl's forever!' and various other similar things makes people not look at the sharp object twice. Instead, three of four looks are required, Xanxus also being there having actually been dragged along with promises of the finest liquor in the land if he didn't burn their hands off. Of course, it was Levi who would be blamed when that delicious alcoholic drink did not arrive but did anybody care? Anybody? Exactly.

"Well…" Fran peered past him. "He's waving his wand around quite a bit now…oh and he just threatened to shove it down one of their asses…Lussuria-sempai?"

"Hmm? What is it?"

"Longhaired commander doesn't make empty threats."

"…SQU-CHAN! STOOOOOP!"

Bel giggled insanely as Lussuria tried to restrain the obviously more powerful man as he attempted to do just as he threatened he would, Xanxus smirking. Ah, the torture of innocent people was always amusing~ Whilst this was going on Elizabeth was picking up random books, reading the blurb and then throwing them behind her, the objects accumulating in a small pile. Covering Levi who was beginning to look more and more pissed off at the girl. "Brat…" he eventually hissed. "Stop doing that all I'll rip your throat out!"

"Hell no, a book written by Ihateyou~" the girl sang sweetly, chucking the book at the man over her shoulder. Levi blocked it with his parabola, his frustration now at max. He had failed to deliver the girl's righteous punishment from before when she had interrupted her boss's break for a simple bloody biscuit (ooooh, alliteration~) but would he fail this time with the brunette's back to him and dressed not in her uniform but a pink hoodie, jeans and black boots therefore having no guns like she usually had with them being unable to be hid on her person? What was it that Elizabeth had said, 'Hell no' a book written by Ihateyou? Well, Levi was certain that there was going to be a sequel: 'A much appreciated death'. Oh yes, he just went there (Bastard). Levi lifted a parabola that was disguised as, wait for it, AN UMBRELLA (genius right?) his face lit up by an evil smile as he placed his other hand on the unsuspecting girl's shoulder. And then…

"Ushi shi shi~ do you wish to die?" Bel, who was dressed in a red hoodie and black skinny jeans took out a knife and twirled it around in his fingers, humming along to the tune blaring from his headphones and his red conversers tapping in time. Levi cursed as the brunette spun around to face him, an evil grin on her face. Had she known that Bel would come rescue her from her demise that was not imminent at all as everyone was stronger than Levi? Actually, the answer was no but hey, she could go with that! "Because…" Bel walked towards the other man, a killing intent filling the air. "That can be arranged."

Before Levi could say anything in response Lussuria yelled for him, saying that they had the book about forbidden love between a boss and a loyal subordinate that he had wanted. And the best part about that wasn't that shout, oh no. It was that Levi actually; I shit you not, half _skipped_ to where Lussuria was, Squalo beside them and also laughing their head off.

"…Tell me somebody filmed that. If nobody did then I might have to go on a killing spree," Elizabeth giggled, Bel grinning in agreement. She then gasped. "OMG! WE maaaatch!" she pointed to her hoodie and then his hoodie, the look on her face priceless. "If only we had sunglasses and then we could be the awesome street gangsters, beating up those who disturbed the library peace!" she crossed her arms and closed her eyes, a satisfied look on her face. "Yes, the Library Gangsters is what we'll be called, we kill the peace breakers and donate to the poor~"

"…Servant, that was pathetic."

"Don't listen to him mah hommies! He just jealous cause he didn't think of it first!"

"Servant, you are talking to a pile of books."

"BOOKS ARE PEOPLE TOO!" Elizabeth protested, placing her hands on her hips. "But instead of air they breathe words that strike our hearts strong and true, their wisdom and knowledge educating us on how we should live! And like humans whose souls are eternal even when our bodies are no longer useable, books are too as even with their cover gone and the spin of them destroyed, their words live on forever."

The blonde blinked, slightly taken aback by her speech. "That was…" he lifted up his forefinger and poked her cheek. "Who are you?" he began to stretch her cheeks, the girl flailing her arms around in protest as he leaned closer to her, studying her facial features carefully. "The prince's servant is not deep. She is…" her mind groped around for a word to describe her before finally landing on one. "Stupid."

_**SEE! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! EVEN THAT STUPID BLONDE THINKS WE ARE STUPID!**_

**OI! CAPTAIN ISN'T STUPID!**

_L-let's calm down a little shall we?_

_**TEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAA!**_

"…Fuck you. F-U-C-K you," Elizabeth said angrily but with her cheeks being pulled on it came out more like 'Huck who. H-U-C-K who'. But Bel being the awesome genius he is understood her and grinned.

"There is my cute little servant~" he sang, cuddling her as if she was a pet. Which to him, she probably was. Yay. I say yay a lot now don't I? …Yay.

"INCEST!" Lussuria's shriek was actually audible even though he was on the other side of the library now, him and Levi fan girling over a the forbidden romance between the boss and the loyal subordinate. Oh the laughs we will have when we find out how that conversation went, oh the laughs…Unfortunately, them hearing meant the rest of the library heard and all the girls who had seen Bel walk in earlier with the others and were already in love with his looks let out squeals, all coming together to say one word.

"WHERE?"

"…Captain? Is it okay that I feel disturbed?" Elizabeth asked as Bel let go of her, also looking freaked out. "I take your silence as a yes."

"VOOOOIIIIIII!" the two then turned to see Squalo roaring at Xanxus who was asleep in the kids' section (that somehow seemed slightly pervy in a way…) where all the beanbags were, small children crying since they had been kicked out of their special district. Yes, district. In this day and age children are categorized into different districts and that is where they will live the rest of the sad little lives and every year a boy and girl from each district between the ages of 12-18 will battle it out until there is only one survivor, they being lavished with the famed…PICTURE BOOK! District one was of course set in the computer part of the library and District nine was filled with aliens who were considered racially inferior to humans and looked like shriveled up prunes/shrimps. Ah, references. What would we do without you?

"SHH!" practically everyone in the library hushed Squalo making him blink, taking a few moments to take in what had happened. It was then he realized something.

"VOOOOIIII! How come it's okay for you to shout and not me?" he yelled.

"SHHH!"

"`I don't think Squ-chan get's the idea of having quiet in the library…" Lussuria sighed. "Well, quiet unless there is some awesome gossip going round! Right Levi-chan?"

"Uh huh…" the man grunted, immersed in his book.

"Well it's good at least one of my children understand me! Except…" he cast a disdainful look over him. "I'd prefer it wasn't _you_ who understood me."

Bel chuckled slightly as he leant against a bookcase, his eyes drooping slightly not that anybody could see it happening. With Xanxus asleep, Levi the rapist absorbed in a stupid book and Squalo on the other side of the library he had nothing to worry about. Well, as long as he didn't piss off Elizabeth that is. Sure, when it came down to it he was probably stronger at hand-to-hand combat although he had to admit she was incredibly good at it too. And without her guns she was at quite the disadvantage even if she did have box weapons on her since, to put it simply, she was far too lazy to use her Sei Spada Arte. Grinning at the thought of being able to beat her in a fight at this current moment in time, he began to fall asleep at the rare silence he barely experienced at the Varia castle, something he found himself enjoying slightly...

"Belphegor."

His eyes suddenly snapped open at the sound of his name being used and looked at the person who had spoken it: Elizabeth. The brunette was holding a thick old looking book with jewels, obviously fake, decorating the cover with spidery writing scrawled onto the front, practically ineligible. Upon feeling her captain's gaze on her and looking up, seeing a sliver of confusion on his face, she grinned cheekily. "Apparently you are one of the seven princes of hell."

Bel, upon registering what she had said, let out a small chuckle; easing himself off the bookshelf to go see what was written inside the book she was holding. "Ushi shi shi~ into demonology are we?"

"You embody the sin of sloth and seduce people with the promises of riches, discovery and genius invention," Elizabeth continued, Bel humming in approval at the words 'seduce', 'riches' and 'genius' being used to describe him. "And you…HAHAHAHAHA!" the girl burst out laughing, instantly dropping the book on the floor.

"What is it servant?" the blonde asked, wanting to know what she had laughed at.

"Y-you…pfft!" she began to giggle again. "You were worshipped on a toilet!"

Silence.

Belphegor then picked up the book and subsequently began to rip it to shreds, being careful to note down the author who had decided to write down such unimaginable trash. "I'm never going to be able to go to the toilet again!" the girl laughed, clutching a bookshelf for support. "Just…HAHAHAHA! WHAT KIND OF DEMON GETS WORSHIPPED ON A TOILET?"

"SHHH!" most of the library hushed her but she ignored them, practically weeping with laughter now.

"Servant…" Bel glared at her through his bangs. "The prince is the source of your income, remember?"

Once again, silence.

"…If I go to the toilet and worship you from there, will you consider forgiving me?"

"No."

"Ah well, worth a shot," she shrugged before falling to her knees dramatically. "NOOOOO! NOT MY MONEY! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? HOW COULD YOU?"

"SHHHHHHHH!"

"NOT MY MOOONNNNNEEEEEYYYY!"

Unfortunately for Elizabeth, this woke Xanxus up and he had been having a nice dream about fucking ponies. Yes, fucking ponies. That were carrying to him his most favorite wine in the whole world. With sexy hot girls surrounding the man and cooing at him, allowing him to do whatever he wanted to them. And, to top it all off, fucking tea. Fucking awesome tea. He was in bloody heaven. Key word: _was_. Now he was awake because of Elizabeth. But here is where Xanxus's awesome logic comes in once again! Elizabeth was shrieking because Belphegor was going to take away her money. Belphegor was going to take her money away because of the stupid demonology book. Elizabeth had been reading the book because they were in a library. They were in a library because Lussuria wanted to do M+ rated things with Squalo. Squalo was in the library because he, along with everyone else, had been threatened to go by Lussuria. Lussuria had threatened everyone to go because he didn't want his 'children' to be stupid. And who was the most stupid out of all of them? Well, the answer Elizabeth was acceptable, and quite frankly the most logical, but Xanxus liked Elizabeth. She gave him awesome TEA. Well, Squalo actually did that but he didn't care about the hot beverage so he could go die, Fran watching him with his awesome drink powers as he burnt to a crisp. So, who was the most stupid? Yep, you guessed it, Levi. So nobody should have REALLY been surprised when Xanxus had shot him in the middle of a library making the children nearby scream in terror, the 'incest' fangirls squeal at his sexy although intimidating personality-according to them he was just misunderstood like most badass sort of villains are-and Squalo roar at him. As the rest of the 'alive' Varia members watched the library burn from outside, Elizabeth shrugged.

"So…anybody want to go get a biscuit?"

Ah, biscuits. If only the Xanxus logic could see that you were in fact the one who caused everything.

**Extra: Alice in Tea-land **

Once upon a time lived a beautiful young girl named Alice (Elizabeth: I'm the main character? HELL YEAH! Fran: Cute-sempai, you are always the main character. Elizabeth: What? But we have never had story time before! Me: Yeah…of course…I hope she doesn't have brain damage. Elizabeth: ?) whose imagination knew no bounds (Fran: Sounds exactly like Cute-sempai…). One day she and her sister (Haru: Hahi! I don't recall ever having a sister. Elizabeth: I'm the younger one how? Squalo: Tch, your mental age is younger at least. Haru: Hahi?) were outside and the two chatted quietly to each other (Elizabeth: Tea. Haru: Hahi? Elizabeth: TEA. Haru: HAHI?. Elizabeth: TEEEAAA! Harui: HAAAHHHIII? Elizabeth: SEI SPADA ARTE! Haru: HAAAAAHHHHHIIIIII?! Me: Uh…I said CHATTED QUIETLY) before the older sibling read her book (Haru: I don't understand what's going on *cries* Elizabeth: JOIN DA CLUB SISTA!) leaving Alice without anything to do (Elizabeth: Some awesome older sis she is…). Suddenly the young girl spotted something strange sticking out from behind a tree and gasped upon seeing a small frog holding a pocket watch chanting the words 'I'm late, I'm later for a very important date' over and over again (Fran: Long haired commander is going to kill me if I'm late again…*sigh* how annoying…). Alice, intrigued by the animal, followed it as it raced off, watching the frog then jump down a hole.

"Ah! Mr. Frog!" she cried , upset it had ran away from her (Elizabeth: You have tea on you! I CAN SMELL IT!) as she peered down the hole. Suddenly the ground beneath her crumbled and as she let out a small scream, Alice began to hurtle down the hole, various objects passing by her as she did so such as grandfather clocks and mattresses (Elizabeth: Boring~ Me: Also tea rushed by her head, falling down past her. Elizabeth: AFTER THE TEA!). Eventually she landed at the bottom with a huge thud to see a small golden key on a nearby table. She tried it with various doors around her but it was no use until she saw a tiny door before her (Elizabeth: Cool story bro. Now, where is my tea…) and using the key opened it to see that it led out to a beautiful garden. After letting out a cry of frustration (Elizabeth: WHERE'S MY TEA? WHERE?) at not being able to get through the door (Elizabeth: It's a door. WHY SHOULD I CARE MORE ABOUT IT THAN MY TEA?) she suddenly spotted a cup with the words 'drink me' on them (Elizabeth: TEEEEAAAA! HOW I MISSED YOU! Squalo: VOI! You had tea five minutes ago dammit! Elizabeth: Five minutes is an eternity! I mean, how many times have you had to wake up and said to yourself 'I'll just sleep for another five minutes'? Fran: Doesn't that just mean you just sleep for more than five minutes? Elizabeth: No, I'm sure I'm right… Squalo: She's such an idiot…). But Alice, only too aware of the dangers you could face as a young child who ignores common sense (Elizabeth: Common sense? What does that taste like? Squalo: …Just die.) and checked the cup for any mark to say that it was poison (Elizabeth: Tea? Poisonous? BLASPHEMY! WHAT KIND OF IDIOCY AM I SPOUTING? Squalo: VOOOII! That's what I want to know!). But there was no such mark so the girl downed the liquid inside the cup, seeing as there was nothing she had to lose whilst trapped in that room. It was then she suddenly began to shrink and shrink and shrink!

Now small enough to fit through the door, she tried to turn the knob to get through to the garden however, much to her dismay, it was locked again! (Elizabeth: OH THE DRAMA!) But then she remembered a golden key on a nearby table. (Elizabeth: Wow, that was a quick resolution!). There was only one problem: how would she get the key in her tiny state? (Elizabeth: OH THE HORROR!) It was then she noticed a small biscuit with the writing 'eat me' scrawled on with pink icing. (Elizabeth: BISCUIT! Me: The cause of everything XD) Scurrying over, she took a big bite of the food and, unlike last time, she grew taller and taller and taller! "Curiouser and Curiouser!" she murmured as she said goodbye to her feet (Elizabeth: BYE BYE FEET! HELLOOOOOO CEILING!) as she continued to grow. "I wonder how I'll be able to communicate with them now…" she wondered (Elizabeth: Tch, mobile obviously. Squalo: …You are such an idiot) before realizing that what she was saying was nonsense. (Squalo: THANK YOU! Elizabeth: Discoabc…you think what comes out of my mouth is nonsense? Me: Hey, I WRITE this thing. Consider the nonsense that comes out of my mouth when I actually talk!) Eventually, once her head was squashed up against the ceiling, she took the key but alas now she was too big to get through the door. (Elizabeth: And I should care why? It's just a garden! Me: Apparently all the plants there grow tea naturally. Elizabeth: …NOOOOOOO! WHY AM I TOO BIG? WHY? Oh yeah, biscuits… Me: The cause of everything XD Fran: Author-san, you said that earlier…) Upset, she began to sob, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. Because of her huge size, the water streaming from her eyes collected together into a pool a few inches deep. (Elizabeth: But I wanted a pool of tea... Me: SO BE IT THEN! Elizabeth: ...YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!)

Suddenly she heard a monotone voice bouncing off the walls and in walked the frog from earlier through a door Alice had been certain was locked but a few moments ago, carrying a small frog hat and an elegant fan. He stopped before the pool of tears (Fran: Why is there a puddle of tea?) before seeing Alice and, startled by her sudden appearance (Fran: Cute-sempai is huge…I had nothing to do with this *walks away*. Elizabeth: WAAAIIIIT! TELL ME HOW TO BE SMALL AGAIN! Fran: …No.) and raced off, dropping the items in his hands in the process. Alice sighed as she picked up the fan for after crying so much she was terribly hot (Elizabeth: Crying: Makes you hot. Me: Why does it sound to me like you are saying you are sexy? Elizabeth: Because I am~ along with TEA! Squalo: VOOOIII! That doesn't even make any sense!) and fanned herself, trying to figure out if she had changed since yesterday (Elizabeth: Well, it is true that I definitely had more tea yesterday…and I wasn't infatuated with biscuits…OMG! I HAVE CHAAANGED!). Eventually she came to the conclusion that she had changed somehow and vowed not to go back to her sister until she became somebody the slightest bit more agreeable. (Elizabeth: My heart can only hold one man! I HAVE TO KICK BISCUITS OUT! Wait, NO! I LIKE BISCUITS! ARGH! I'M TORN! SOMEHOW! Fran: You were rejected Fake prince-sempai…by tea and biscuits. Bel: …Die froggie.)

Just as she began to feel lonely she suddenly noticed that she had unconsciously placed the frog hat on her head (Elizabeth: Unconsciously? My conscious must be fricken oblivious then! Me:…Let's not go back to that place again ever. Period. Okay, I lie. LET'S GO BACK NOOOOW! Everybody else: ?) a strange thing since she was certain that she had been extremely tall but a few moments ago. Suddenly she realized that she had shrunk (Elizabeth: HELLO FEET! I MISSED YOU!) and let out a small shriek, dropping the fan before it could make her any smaller. Quickly she ran towards the tiny door once again but alas, she had forgotten the key on the table! (Elizabeth: NOOOOO!) throwing her arms up in frustration she lost her balance and accidentally fell into the pool of tears. (Elizabeth: I'm in a pool of tea? AWESOME!)

She let out a scream, (Elizabeth: Why scream? I AM IN A POOL OF TEA!) afraid she would drown (Elizabeth: Drowning in tea = best way to die EVER) but then found it was easy to swim in it and got out quickly, meeting up with a dodo (Ryohei: I'm extinct TO THE EXTREME!), a chicken (Hibari: I'll peck you to death), two ducks (Mukuro: Kufufu, a duck is better than a chicken I suppose. Chrome: M-Mukuro-sama!), a hedgehog, (Yamamoto: Hahahahaha, good one Discoabc! Now *evil smile* give me back my baseball bat. Me: …help.) a pigeon (Lambo: HAHA! Lambo-san is the best! Me: …I hate pigeons), a crow (Gokudera: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH THE TENTH? Me: He is in a maid outfit waiting for you at home. Gokudera: lizygf;ldsv *dies* Me: …Hee hee) and a mouse (Tsuna: HIIIEEE! What have you done to Gokudera-kun? Me: nothing...). After talking to them for a while (Elizabeth: You guys got tea? Ryohei: I haven't got any TO THE EXTREME! Mukuro: Kufufu, if you like illusionary tea then yes~ isn't that right my cute Chrome? Chrome: Yes Mukuro-sama. Tsuna: Mukuro? What are you doing here? AND DISCOABC, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO GOKUDERA-KUN? Gokudera: Tenth…maid… Discoabc: Like I said, nothing~ Yamamoto: You are so funny Discoabc! *evil smile* Baseball. Bat. Now. Lambo: HAHA! LAMBO-SAN IS THE GREATEST! Hibari: for crowding…I'll peck you to death. Elizabeth: …So you don't have any tea?) the group ran away from a comment she had made (Elizabeth: By the way, I'm from the Varia. Everybody: *gives her a look of horror and runs off excluding Hibari and Mukuro who are fighting out for who is better: chickens or Ducks* Me: GO CHICKENS! WIN SO THAT NO ONE QUESTIONS YOUR ULTERIOR MOTIVES WHEN YOU HAVE CROSSED A ROAD!) about her cat (Elizabeth: …I'm from the Varia cats now? Me: GOOO CHICKENS!) leaving her alone once more.

It was then that the frog bounced in, looking for his hat and fan (Elizabeth: Screw you! They are mine now! MINE!), Alice noticing that her surroundings had completely changed and now looked like she was outside. The frog then mistook her for his maid Mary Ann (Me: No, that's Tsuna. And he's at Gokudera's house. For M+ rated stuff.) and he scolded her for leaving his house (Fran: Lussuria-sempai said you shouldn't be outside. You could get raped. Elizabeth: NOOOOO!) before ordering her to go back and fetch him a new frog hat and fan (Elizabeth: Don't wanna. Fran: There is tea there. Elizabeth: BYE~). Alice raced off, his angry scolding terrifying her (Elizabeth: I WANT TEA! NOT TO BE RAPED!) but luckily found the Frog's house, a sign saying 'F. FROG' hung onto the front door. After entering the small house, she grabbed the items the frog had ordered her to get and, just before she left, spotted a small cup (Elizabeth: TEEEEAAAAA!). It did not have a sign on it like the other one but she had since figured out whenever she drunk or ate something, an interesting event would happen (Elizabeth: LIES. Why would I need a reason to drink tea?). So she downed the liquid in one go.

Suddenly she began to grow and grow and grow! (Elizabeth: Fuck, why didn't I remember something like this would happen? WHY? Oh yeah, because tea rocks… Fran: That didn't explain anything Cute-sempai. Oh, wait, it did… Squalo: VOOOIII! IT DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!) Another scream erupted from her lips as she quickly became to big for the house, her arms sticking out the windows, her legs and head huddled up to her chest uncomfortably (Elizabeth: Umm…Help?). It was then that the frog returned and bounded upstairs, calling Mary Ann's name repeatedly (Me: I never knew you wanted to rape Tsuna too… Fran: To make this clear to all readers, Author-san is high and doesn't know what nonsense she I spouting. Me: GOOOO CHICKENS! PECK THE DUCK TO DEATH! Fran: I rest my case.). However he could not enter his bedroom for Alice's body was squashed up against it, holding it shut. The frog tried to get in through the window alas Alice's arm was there, blocking that entrance too! So he called his gardener Pat (Spanner: Why are you calling me? I was in the middle of creating another Mini-moska to sweep up leaves for me. Fran: There is a person in my house. Spanner: …) and asked him to explain what was stopping himself from getting into his room. (Spanner: It's an arm. Fran: I know. ME: Well…that was pointless) Pat told the frog it was clearly an arm (Spanner: I was right. Fran: I know. Me: …Awkward silence…). The frog, clearly frustrated (Fran: I am angry. Me: Convincing speech), wanted to get rid of his inconvenient addition to the house, Alice also wanting to get out. The animal then called for Bill, a lizard (Me: MY PARTNER LEON! I MISSED YA! Leon: …^o^ Reborn: He's going to kill somebody else now…), and ordered him to go down into the room through the chimney. Unfortunately, Alice's foot was already lodged in that part of the house and upon hearing them climbing down, kicked the lizard out savagely (Elizabeth: NOOO! HE'S GONNA KILL ME NOW! TAT Me: Don't worry I'll protect you! Wait, Leon is scary…YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN! *Runs off* Leon: …*evil smirk* Elizabeth: D:).

Bill, upon reaching the frog, told him that it was no use and that they would have to burn the house down to get her out (Elizabeth: IMMA GONNA DIE! Leon: ^o^). In response, Alice threatened to set her cat on him (I-pin: I am not a cat. Me: Of course you aren't *pats head* WAIT! DON'T START TO EXPLODE! I DIDN'T MEAN IT! STOOOOP!) thus the burning plan was abandoned (Fran: Shame. Leon: …:( Elizabeth: Is anybody happy I survived? No? WELL AT LEAST TEA LOVES ME! But I love biscuits too…GAH! I'M TORN!). Eventually the animals started throwing rocks at her through the window (Me: Chrome style~) and for some reason, they turned into tiny biscuits upon hitting the house (Elizabeth: MY SECOND LOVE!). Upon eating one, she shrunk in size and ran out of the house away from the other animals. She then began to form a plan in her mind. (Elizabeth: First, I need to get back to my awesome normal size and then I need to get into the tea garden) First, she needed to somehow revert to her original size and then she needed to find a way into the beautiful garden. (Elizabeth: It's like I know what I'm going to say! Wait…) It was then she came across a caterpillar (Levi: What?) sitting on a giant mushroom (Levi: What?!) smoking a long hookah (Levi: WHAT? Me: Chillax dude, we heard you the first time…). The two looked at each other for a long time before the Caterpillar finally demanded to know who she was (Levi: Who are you? Are you after boss's life? Well, I WON'T LET YOU TAKE IT! Elizabeth: …Well hello to you too!).

"I knew who I was this morning but I do believe I have changed since then," the girl told him (Elizabeth: I mean, I never had a love for biscuits before! Is it a thing? Does everybody go through it? IS HAVING A LOVE FOR TWO MEN WEIRD? Levi: …I don't think someone as stupid as you could kill boss.)

"What do you mean girl?" the caterpillar blew a puff of smoke in her face (Elizabeth: GAH! MY EYES!) as he ordered her to explain herself.

"I can't explain myself because I am not _myself_," Alice informed him of the events that had taken place up till then however. this did not make the issue any clearer to the caterpillar, who didn't think that changing size again and again would be confusing. (Elizabeth: WHAT DO YOU KNOW? YOU HAVEN'T HAD THE PAIN OF HAVING TO SAY GOODEBYE TO YOUR OWN FEET! YOU DON'T UNDESTAND!)Alice reminds the caterpillar that it will be strange when he changes to a chrysalis and then into a butterfly, but the Caterpillar disagrees. (Levi: And one day, I shall transform into a beautiful butterfly and boss will finally love me! Everybody: ...What?) Alice counters that such changes would seem strange to her.

Again, the Caterpillar demands, "Who are _you_?" (Elizabeth: Didn't you listen earlier? I DON'T KNOW. God, you need hearing aid dude!)

Frustrated, Alice stomped her foot on the ground. "Shouldn't you be telling me who _you _are first? And being three inches for the rest of my life would be HORRIBLE!" she shrieked, insulting the caterpillar's height. (Elizabeth: AND BOOS WILL NEVER LOVE YOU, EVEN IF YOU DO TURN INTO A BUTTERFLY!) Offended, (Levi: Boss…is this true? Xanxus: *ignores him and eats his steak) the caterpillar hurried away (Levi: NOOOOOOOOO! *runs off crying*) not forgetting to tell Alice that one side of the mushroom will make her bigger and the other smaller. The young girl took a piece from either side and ate both at once, returning her to her original height, completing the first part of her plan. (Elizabeth: Phase one complete. ONTO PHASE TWO! MUWHAHAHA! I SHALL GET MY TEA! I SHALL!) Whilst pondering how she would find the garden, she came across a small house. Wanting to go inside, she took a bite of one of the pieces of food and changed to the height of nine inches.

Alice entered the house to find herself in a smoke filled kitchen and coughed violently when a bit of pepper got stuck in her throat. Once the smoke had cleared she saw the Duchess nursing a baby (Lussuria: Mammon! You are so, so, so CUTE! Mammon: You must pay me to call me cute), a cook making a very peppery cake (Bianchi: I am making this for my beloved Reborn for love overrules all *spakley eyes* Elizabeth: Kay, you go do that) and a grinning cat, their tail swishing fro side to side in an amusing manner (Elizabeth: SEE! I TOLD YOU CAPTAIN LOOKED GOOD IN CAT EARS! I TOLD YOU! Me: He has a stripy shirt and Cheshire has stripy fur…OMG! BEL! YOU ARE A CAT! Bel: Ushi shi shi~ what are you on about? Elizabeth & Me: CAAAAAAAAAATS! Bel: …?).

Alice found herself staring at the cat curiously, her hands clutching onto the skirt of her blue dress tightly as she did so. "I never knew cats could smile…" she murmured, the Duchess hearing her.

"Ohoho, but this is CHESHIRE CAT my dear~!" they sang (Lussuria: Might I add, you like grrrreat in that dress! Elizabeth: Oh, SHUCKS!), hugging their baby tighter to their chest (Mammon: Kill me now. Me: Don't have to, you are already dead XD Mammon: …Did I mention that I might hate you? Me: I love ya too~). "But for you to not even know that…you must not know much my dear." (Lussuria: Which is why you should go back to school! Elizabeth: NOOOOOOOO!)

Suddenly the cook began to hurl things at the Duchess and her child (Bianchi: POISON COOKING! Elizabeth: Oh noes! They have been possessed by C.A.K.E! Squalo: What has been seen cannot be unseen, what has been seen cannot be unseen… Elizabeth: We are all going to die~ Fran: You don't seem very concerned Cute-sempai. Elizabeth: Well, if Levi can survive anything and STILL not be considered immortal then I can do the same! Fran: I don't think it works like that…) worrying Alice enough to beg the cook to stop (Elizabeth: Nah, you can continue. It's kinda entertaining. But, hit Luss-nee and…*evil glare*) in fear the baby would be killed (Lussuria: WHAT ABOUT ME? Elizabeth: I'm not scared for your life because crazy cook knows what's gonna happen if she does hit you…). The Duchess instead claims that if everyone kept their noses out of everybody else's' business the world would run far faster.

"Run faster?" Alice snorted slightly. "But if the world ran faster then all of the seasons would be messed up and life as we know it could be destroyed!" (Elizabeth: A good point if I say so myself!)

"I do not wish to hear your theories stupid girl!" the duchess's shrill voice cut through the air (Elizabeth: L-Luss-nee? H-how could you say such a thing? HOW COULD YOU? Lussuria: I am sorry! I don't know what came over me! Fooorrrgggivvve meeeee! Elizabeth: Ok. Fran: That was a short argument…) The older woman then began to sing to her baby, shaking him violently as she did so (Mammon: Author-san, you must pay me in compensation after this. As otherwise I will sue)before throwing them at Alice (Elizabeth: MAMMON ROCKET!). "I am going to play croquet with the queen so you can take care of this baby if you want."

The Duchess then flounced off leaving behind a very confused Alice holding a baby, a fuming cook and a laughing Cheshire. Deciding that the baby would likely be killed if they stayed any longer (Bianchi: This baby knows Reborn and looks like a girl? THEY MUST BE AFTER REBORN'S LOVE! I SHALL KILL THEM! Mammon: …I've changed my mind. I am definitely suing.) Alice walked out of the house into the woods. Suddenly the baby began to change into a pig (Skull: OI! I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A PIG!) and, realizing that walking around nursing a pig would be very silly, she let it free into the wilderness. (Elizabeth: GO! BE FREE! BE FREEEEE! Skull: I AM NOT A PIG!) "If it had grown up I suppose they would have been a very ugly child but I think it would be a very handsome pig," (Skull: For the last time, I AM NOT A PIG! Squalo: Don't waste your breath. This stupid Author won't listen to me when I tell her I'm not a girl. Skull: …You aren't? Squalo: VOOOOIIIIIIII!) Alice mused.

"Ushi shi shi~ the prince agrees," a sing song voice made the girl look upwards to see Cheshire cat sitting in a tree, his tail flicking from side to side slowly. His grin at her didn't make her feel warm like her sister's did (Haru: Hahi? Squalo: VOOOIII! I THOUGHT WE GOT PAST THAT!) but instead sent shivers down her spine. All the same she was compelled to say something to the cat and ended up asking where she should go next. "Depends on where you want to go~" Cheshire sang in response.

"I don't really care where, as long as it is _somewhere_," Alice sighed, wishing that everyone would not try her patience all of the time!

Ushi shi shi~ well if you keep going in one direction your bound to end up _somewhere_," Cheshire giggled as Alice glowered at him. (Elizabeth: Wow, great advice captain) Alice, seeing that it would be pointless to try and explain how WRONG the cat was, changed her tactics.

"Well, who LIVES round here then?" she asked, the cat pouting for a moment, destroying his pearly white smile (Elizabeth: Colgate: for those shinier teeth~). He had been looking forwards to arguing with the girl as such thing always amused him

"Mad Hatter lives that way and March Hare lives the other way," he clicked his tongue impatiently as Alice gave him a blank look. "They are both raving mad."

"MAD?" Alice let out a cry of dismay (Elizabeth: NO! I MUST BE THE MOST INSANE PERSON AROUND! I MUST!). "But I don't want to be around any mad people!"

"Ushi shi shi~ but we are all raving mad around here~" Cheshire sang, satisfied with the girl's upset look on her face. "So, are you going to go play croquet later with the Queen?"

"How should I know?" Alice cried. "I don't even know what I am doing here!" she squeezed her eyes shut and breathed deeply before snapping them open again. "Maybe…I'll see you there if I do go there," she whispered. Cheshire grinned.

"See you there then Princess~" he jumped off the tree, raising a hand. "Bye bi~!"

He disappeared before he even touched the ground. Alice hugged herself as she began to walk onwards, a sense of loneliness overcoming her. "I would have preferred it if he had stayed, it's better than being alone in this place," she murmured.

"Oh, the prince forgot to ask," Alice yelped as Cheshire suddenly appeared to her. "What did you do with that baby?" (Bel: I wanna know where Mammon went~ his cheeks are puffy! Elizabeth: …Say wha?)

"It became a pig!" she squeaked, unnerved by his sudden appearance. (Skull: I AM NOT A…you know, I don't know why I bother…)

"Oh…well, bye bi!" he vanished again, Alice sighing. She couldn't believe the people around here! For a little while she stood there, fuming slightly to herself. She then considered what her next move would be.

"Well, since Mad Hatter does have the word 'mad' in his name and it is May so I suppose going to March Hare won't be so insane…" she said out loud before walking off to find March Hare's house. Eventually she found it and outside there was March Hare (Byakuran: Pyon~!), Mad Hatter (Squalo: VOOOOIIII! FINALLY I'M NOT A GIRL! Me: I know, sad isn't it?) and a sleeping dormouse (Reborn: Oi. Just because I'm short doesn't mean I'm as small as a mouse) who, much to her immediate surprise, were having a tea party (Elizabeth: OMG, TEA PARTY! Squalo: VOOOIIII! It's with the top enemy of the Vongola and a supposed to be dead baby! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HAPPY? Elizabeth: B-but tea parties make EVERYTHING better!) As she approached, the two awake people jumped to their feet and pointed at her accusingly.

"VOOOIIII! THERE IS NO ROOM HERE!" Mad Hatter yelled as March Hare nodded in agreement, throwing a marshmallow in his mouth. (Elizabeth: Squ-chan, he can't be the Vongola's most wanted enemy! I mean he's…ADORABLE! *grabs Byakuran and places him in front of Squalo* Byakuran: Pyon~ Squalo: … Fran: Lussuria-sempai, I think you better come over. Longhaired captain's heart seems to have melted at the sight of somebody else. Squalo: VOOOIIIII! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? Byakuran: …Pyon~)

"There is plenty of room at this table," Alice pointed to all the empty seats, sitting herself down. (Elizabeth: I need my tea and not even adorable so-called villains will stop me! Byakuran: Pyon~ Elizabeth: I CHANGE MY MIND! YOU ARE SO FRICKEN ADORABLE!) Upon seeing their annoyed expressions and realizing they were studiously ignoring her, the young girl slammed her foot down onto the floor making the two awake jump, the dormouse continuing to sleep (Reborn: Guppi…). "Honestly, you are so RUDE!" Alice exclaimed, disgusted by their behavior. (Elizabeth: You haven't even offered me TEA!)

"VOI! You were the one who joined us without being invited!" Mad Hatter pointed out. (Elizabeth: THAT IS NO EXCUSE! GIMME MY TEEEAAAA!) A few moments of silence past, Alice drumming her fingers on the table out of frustration. (Elizabeth: If I DON'T get my tea soon I swear, somebody is going to FUCKING DIE! Byakuran…Pyon? Elizabeth: Of course, not you, you are too CUTE! Byakuran: Pyon~ Squalo: She is such an idiot…) "Why is a raven like a writing table?" Mad Hatter suddenly asked, slicing through the awkward silence. Alice ran her thumb over her lower lip, deep in thought.

"…I think I can guess why," she eventually spoke, her brow furrowed in concentration (Elizabeth: BECAUSE THE TEA GOD USES BOTH THINGS TO PUNISH DOES WHO SIN! Squalo: VOOI! What the fuck is wrong with yo- ARGH! GET THIS FUCKING RAVEN AWAY FROM ME! AND WHY DOES IT HAVE A WRITING TABLE ON IT'S BACK! Elizabeth: I rest my case. NOW GIMME TEA!), Mad Hatter scowling slightly.

"VOOI! You should say what you mean!"

Alice blinked, slightly confused. "I mean what I say!" she insisted.

"That's not the same thing!" they pointed at her menacingly.

"Yes it is!"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it isn't!"

"YES IT IS!"

"NO IT ISN'T!" Hatter, stood up, waving a spoon around. "For example, seeing what one eats is not the same as eating what one sees!" (Elizabeth: Squ-chan…you said something sane? Squalo: VOOOIII! YOU ARE THE INSANE ONE AROUND HERE! Fran: Actually, since your name is 'Mad Hatter' I beg to differ. Elizabeth: BEAT THAT BITCH! *High fives Fran*)

"…" Alice glared slightly at the man as he now rambled on to March Hare about how his pocket watch (ME WANTS ONE!) was two days slow.

"VOOOIII! I KNEW WE SHOULDN'T HAVE FIXED IT WITH MARSHMALLOWS!"

The girl whimpered slightly at how little sense his last comment meant before realizing that POCKET WATCHES COUNT THE TIME AND NOT DAYS. (Elizabeth: OH NOES!) Mad Hatter, upon seeing her expression, scowled angrily.

"VOOOIII! Haven't you seen a pocket watch before?" he demanded.

"Yes…but not one like that since normal ones just tell you the time," she pointed out, the man scoffing slightly in response.

"OF COURSE my one is normal! After all, both the ones you are used to and my one don't tell what year it is!" he yelled, hitting March Hare round the head and making him choke slightly on his marshmallows (Elizabeth: NOOOOOO! NOT ADORABLE VILLAN! Byakuran: *evil glare* Pyon. Pyon. Squalo: …*slightly freaked out*) Alice sighed slightly. She was certain his words had no sane meaning at all AND didn't help her to become somebody agreeable. Hell, Hatter was probably making her a LESS agreeable person, infuriating her to no end. "So, young lady, have you answered the riddle yet?" Hatter asked the girl. (Elizabeth: I have a theory. What about YOU old woman? Squalo: VOOOOOIIIIII! I AM NOT A FUCKING GIRL! MAD HATTER ISN'T EVEN A FUCKING WOMAN! Me: Oh, I wouldn't know, there are plenty of female Mad Hatter costumes out there… Squalo: VOOOIIIII!)

"I'm afraid I have not," she told him solemnly, (Elizabeth: WHAT? BUT I SAID IT EARLIER! WHY CRUEL WORLD DO YOU IGNORE ME? WHY?) expecting him to explode from anger. (Elizabeth: Explode? AWSOME.)

"Well, neither have we!" Mad Hatter burst out laughing with March Hare, Alice narrowing her eyes with frustration.

"You two are wasting my time COMPLETELY!" she snapped, crossing her arms in a huff (Elizabeth: Of course, not you adorable villain. Hearts. Squalo: FOR THE LAST TIME, HE IS OUT TO KILL US! Byakuran: Pyon~).

"It's best to be on the best terms with time," Mad Hatter told her seriously. "I once had a quarrel with them when I took part in a concert for the Queen of Hearts. Apparently, singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Bat off key murders them according to her and since then it has always been six o'clock for me: TEA TIME!" he laughed heartily, downing his cup of tea in one go. (Fran: That imagery is creepy. Me: On a sort of random note, I just got given tea right now. Yay. Elizabeth: TEEEAAAAAA!)

"This is boring Pyon~" March Hare suddenly said announced, tired of the current conversation. (Elizabeth-you SPOKE! Byakuran: That's right cute little Eliza-chan~ Oh and Pyon~ Squalo: …You do realize that you a hare not a rabbit? Only rabbit's say Pyon. Elizabeth: WHO CARES! HE'S FRICKEN ADORABLE!) "Why don't you tell a story?" he addressed Alice who started with surprise before claiming shyly that she knew (Elizabeth: Well, I have the stories The Princess and the Tea, Beau-tea and the Beast and Sleeping Bea-tea… Squalo: Rejected.) none.

"There's nothing for it then…" Mad Hatter bent down to the sleeping dormouse and opened his mouth wide. "VOOOOOOOIIIIII!"

The dormouse woke up instantly, punching the man in the face (Reborn: Heh. That's what you get for waking me up. Fran: *shakes head* beaten up by a supposedly dead baby. You are in need of training longhaired commander. Squalo: VOOOOI! SHUT UP! Everyone: No.) before looking around sleepily. March Hare informed the animal of how they needed a story (Squalo: Well, it's either that or we listen to HER story about tea. Elizabeth: What's so bad about that? Squalo: EVERYTHING.). The animal complied and sat up straight, the other three watching him intently.

"Once upon a time lived three girls Elsie, Lacie and Tillie (Tsuna: WHY AM I HERE AGAIN AND DRESSED UP IN A MAID COSTUME? Kyoko: Tsuna-kun, you look very cute! *oblivious sparkles* Hana: Kyoko…I don't think you should call him 'cute'.) who lived at the bottom of a well (Hana & Tsuna: WHAT? Kyoko: Hmm? *more oblivious sparkles*) and ate treacle (Hana: Not even going to comment… Tsuna: That was…random? Kyoko: I like treacle! *OBLIVIOUSNESS*)."

"Would you like some more tea Pyon~?" March Hare asked Alice, interrupting the story.

"I cannot have MORE tea if I haven't even had ANY!" the girl pointed out in an irritable fashion (Elizabeth: WHY DID I NOT GET TEA EARLIER? TELL ME WHY!), Mad Hatter grinning in reply.

"Ah, well you can't have LESS TEA since you've had none can you? But it's easy to have MORE TEA than none," he pointed out (Squalo: *grins smugly* Elizabeth: Squ-chan…I never knew you cared so much about tea! Squalo: FUCK! ME: On another not so random note: …I've finished my tea. Can I have some more?).

"…Why WERE those girls living at the bottom of the well?" Alice asked the dormouse, ignoring Hatter. The animal thpught for a few moments before answering.

"It was a TREACLE WELL." (Hana & Tsuna: That makes no sense. Kyoko: Hmm? Do you two not like treacle? *you get the picture*

"That makes no sense," Alice objected making the animal glare at her.

"Interrupt my story again and I'll (Reborn: I'll blow your brains out) stop telling it," he threatened her.

"VOOOIIII! WHY IS MY FUCKING CUP DIRTY?" (Reborn: Right. Prepare to die.) Mad Hatter interrupted, waving the crockery around furiously.

"It's because you put tea in it Pyon~" March Hare reminded him.

Silence.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" Alice shrieked in annoyance, throwing her arms up into the air with exasperation. "You people are so RUDE!" (Elizabeth: YEAH! How DARE you suggest that tea can dirty something! I WITHDRAW YOUR TITLE AS ADORABLE VILLIAN! Byakuran: …Pyon :( Elizabeth: I CHANGE MY MIND! YOU ARE TOO CUTE!) the girl flounced off and came across a tree with a door in it. Not being bothered to think about it too much, she threw it open and marched inside to find herself in the room with the glass table in it, the golden key still atop. Having learnt from last time, she grabbed the object before eating some of the mushroom and turning tiny, unlocking the small door leading out into the beautiful garden and marching through. It was then she saw two flat and oblong shaped figures like playing cards in front of a rose tree, the blossoms a brilliant white and in the midst of being painted red. (Ken: HAH? This is insane byon! Chikusa: I agree. Me: …Mukuro is here. Ken & Chikusa: MUUUKKKURRROOOO-SAAAAMMMMAAA!) Upon seeing Alice, they stopped their task and bowed low to her. (Elizabeth: THAT'S RIGHT BITCHES! BOW TO ME! MUWHAHAHA!) "Why are you painting the roses red?" the girl asked them curiously once they had both straightened. (Elizabeth: Don't tell me…YOU ARE GOING TO EAT THEM! YOU MONSTERS! Ken & Chikusa: ?)

"It's because the Queen wanted red roses and we planted the wrong ones byon!" one told her miserably. "Otherwise she would get angry and cut out heads off!"

Suddenly a fanfare blew and the two flattened themselves against the floor, terrified. The Queen and her procession whom all apart from the first were in fact playing cards, stopped before Alice and the gardeners. "Trash. Who the fuck are you?" (Xanxus: *gets out guns* ME: WAIT! I'LL GIVE YOU TEA! I'LL GIVE YOU LOTS AND LOTS OF TEA! AND MORE KILLING LEVI MOMENTS! Levi: Boss would never agree to have me be injured like that for his respect for his subordinates is supreme! Xanxus: *puts away guns* you have yourself a deal scum. Levi: O.O ME: XD)

"My name is Alice," the girl told her simply, curtseying slightly to her. (Elizabeth: Looking sexy boss. S-E-X-Y.)

"And who the fuck are they?" the Queen then pointed to the gardeners, Alice replying she wouldn't know since it is not her problem. "Off with your fucking head scum!" the Queen roared in anger at the girl's 'insolent' words but Alice simply scowled and told her it was nonsense, shutting them up. The Queen's husband (Tsuna: WHY ME AGAIN? AND WHY AM I STILL IN A MAID OUTFIT? Me: Two words: Fan service. Tsuna: *starts to cry*) tried desperately to calm him down (Tsuna: HOW DO I EVEN DO THAT?) but, still furious, the Queen turned her attack back onto the gardeners and demands to know what they were doing. However, before they could answer her, she ordered their execution. Alice, feeling sorry for them, hid them quickly behind a tree so the Queen's soldiers would not find them-rescuing them from their cruel fate. Thus when the Queen asked whether their heads were gone, the soldiers truthfully replied that they were gone, not mentioning the rest of their bodies were missing as well. That settled, the Queen turned to Alice. "Trash. Can you play fucking croquet?"

"I can," Alice replied instantly (Elizabeth: I never knew you were the croquet fan… *gives Xanxus tea before he can shoot her*). Whilst the group moved off to the croquet ground, the girl noticed that the Frog was there next to the Queen (Fran: Wondering why longhaired commander didn't get that role.) "Sir, where is the Duchess?" she asked him in a hushed voice, the animal sighing.

"She has been sentenced to be beheaded for boxing the Queen's ears," he told her solemnly (Lussuria: SQU-CHAN IS MINE DO YOU HEAR ME? MIIINNNNEEE!) but Alice could not receive it seriously, bursting into giggles. However, before she could ask him any more, they arrived at the croquet grounds. Never had Alice seen such a bizarre set up for the game: the ground itself being peculiar shades of color, the balls live hedgehogs, the mallets flamingoes and some cards being bent over to serve as wickets. Of course, this whole thing made the game exceedingly difficult and as the Queen issued out execution orders for people every five seconds, Alice escaped to the furthest corner away from the angry woman.

"Ushi shi shi~ having fun are we?" a familiar voice spoke, Alice spinning round to see the head, and ONLY the head, of Cheshire. She pouted slightly after realizing he had asked her a question and was expecting an answer.

"Nobody seems to know the rules or at least they simply aren't abiding by them!" she complained, stamping her foot against the ground from frustration. (Elizabeth: AND I HAVEN'T GOT ANY TEA!)

"The prince takes it that you aren't enjoying this one bit~" the cat sang in a happy fashion (BEL: Such a shame about the tea…*grins*).

"Oh and that dreadful Queen!" Alice told him, twirling one of her locks of hair absent-mindedly. "She is such a selfish little woman! A complete nightmar- SWEETEST DREAM IN THE WORLD!" she smiled bitterly at the Queen who had wandered over to her, a frown upon her face.

"What is that trash?" he asked her, eyeing Cheshire disdainfully. (Bel: …)

"I don't like the look of it," the king declared (Bel: *get's out knives* Tsuna: HIIIIEEEE!) "It needs to be removed."

And so, the Queen made a very helpful suggestion. "Off with it's fucking head scum!" (Levi: Hmph. Boss ALWAYS makes the right choices! Elizabeth: Sure…)

Alice sighed from exhaustion, watching some cards continue to play croquet as she ignored others arguing over whether a head could actually beheaded since it had no body to begin with! "Honestly, it's the Duchess's cat so why don't you ask her what to do?" she eventually snapped, their arguing getting to her head. (Elizabeth: LUSS-NEE CAN FIGURE ANYTHING OUT! Lussuria: Eliza-chan! Mou, you are making me blush! Fran: Looks like you've got competition longhaired commander. Squalo: FUCK YOU!) But before anybody could fetch the Duchess, the floating head of Cheshire cat wafted over to Alice.

"Ushi shi shi~ I guess this is 'arrivederci' princess~" the cat sang, Alice blinking slightly as he disappeared.

"I never knew that cats could speak Italian…" she murmured to herself (Elizabeth: You learn a new thing everyday… Squalo: VOOOIII! THAT IS THE MOST STUPID LIE IN THE WORLD! CATS CAN'T SPEAK ITALIAN! Elizabeth: You are right. Squalo: I am? Elizabeth: Yep. They speak Japanese. Squalo: You…YOU…;ibsufg;/bdisug;/oubh *dies from her idocy*) before being whisked away by a crowd of playing cards to, as one so helpfully called out, a trial for the Knave of hearts. Upon entering the court and sitting herself down, Alice saw the King and Queen of Hearts both sitting upon their thrones the first wearing a judges powdered wig (Xanxus: *glares at Tsuna* Tsuna: …Help.), the Frog holding a trumpet and a scroll nearby (Fran: *sigh* trials are seriously troublesome…), the Knave standing in front of the royal couple in chains (Dino: …I got tangled up in my whip. Reborn: *shakes head*) and a HUGE platter of tarts (ME: *points at Squalo* Squalo: Fuck you.) in the middle of the room.

"Silence please," the Frog droned, hushing the crowd. "As we all know we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Cute-sempai and Fake-princ- I mean, the trial of the Knave of hearts. (Elizabeth: Hmm, are you suggesting that me and Captain would get married? Fran: …No. Everybody else: HE OBVIOUSLY WAS!) AS we all know, the Queen of hearts, she made some tarts (Me: *points at Squalo again* Squalo: DIE.) all on a summers day. The Knave of Hearts, he stole these tarts (Me: DINO! HOW COULD YOU STEAL SQU-CHAN AWAY FROM LUSS-NEE AND XANXI-CHAN? Dino: Hah? Squalo: After this is over you will experience the most painful death imaginable. Me: NO! NOT TWLIGHT! NOT THE SPARKLY VAMPIRES! NOOOOO!) and blah, blah, blah, blah. Done." (Fran: I think I covered everything. Important.)

"Err…Jury, what is your verdict?" the King asked the crowd which coincidentally included Bill the Lizard (Leon: *holds up guilty sign* ^o^). The Frog instantly scolded the royal man for this as much more of the trial had to happen before the jury came to their verdict. (Fran: No, I would prefer if it just ended here…with the guilty verdict. Leon: ^o^ ME: LEON! HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME FOR FRAN? HOW COULD YOU? Fran: I'm sorry Author-san but that is just how life goes. Elizabeth: Dun, Dun, DUUUN! ME: TAT) Thus, the first witness was called in.

"VOOOIII! I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF MY TEA!" Mad Hatter yelled angrily at the crowd and waved around his tea and bread to prove it, Alice sighing. Of all the people… (Elizabeth: Of all the people… Squalo: I will fucking kill you all.)

"S-so, when was it that your tea started?" the king asked the man (Tsuna: I WANT TO GO HOME! Reborn: Tough.) who told him that it was six o'clock. However, the dormouse and March Hare burst in suddenly, the three disputing furiously over what time their tea actually started (Reborn: Ciaossu. Squalo: VOOOOIIII! Byakuran: Pyon~ Reborn: Ciaossu. Squalo: VOOOIII! Byakuran: Pyon~ Reborn: Ciaossu. Squalo: VOOOO- ME: SHUT UP.). Of course, Alice knew Mad Hatter was telling the truth however she had not a chance to catch a word in edgeways for their argument was so fast and furious (Ah, references. What would we do without you?). It was then the King let out a gasp. "Wearing a hat in court is forbidden! I must ask for you to take it off!"

"Say what brat?" (Tsuna: HIIIIIEEEE!) Mad Hatter glared at the King. "This hat does not belong to me."

"Y-you STOLE it?"

"VOOOIII! IT'S FOR SALE IDIOT!" (Lussuria: SQU-CHAN AS MY DARLING WIFE YOU MUST SELL IT TO ME! Squalo: 400 bucks *smirks* Lussuria: As in sell I meant give. Now.)

It was then Alice realized with some amount of horror that she was growing again (Elizabeth: OH NOES!) and although her first thought was to get out of the courtroom as soon as she could (Elizabeth: LET'S GO AND GET ME SOME TEEEAAAA!) she decided to stay as long as she could fit. (Fran: We have free ice-cream. Elizabeth: ICCCEEEE-CRREEEAAAM!) The King then remembered that Hatter had yet to give his evidence and told him to hurry up before his execution was ordered. (Squalo: Hmph. Like I would be scared of that Vongola Brat!) Mad Hatter was naturally terrified of this. (Squalo: WHAT?) Frustrated with his lack of help (Tsuna: More like terrified *gulp*) the King told him that he may stand down or if he couldn't stand any lower, sit down. (Squalo: VOOOIII! Like I'm doing that! YOU NEED TO DIE VONGOLA BRAT! Tsuna: HIIIIIIEEEEE!) Mad Hatter ran away before he could be executed instead (Squalo: WHAT THE FUCK? Tsuna: Saved…) Next to the witness stand was the Duchess's cook (Bianchi: Reborn~ I missed you so much! Reborn's inner thoughts: Fuck.) who refused to give evidence (Bianchi: Love overrules all. Tsuna: Um, that isn't what I am asking- Bianchi: LOVE OVERRULES ALL! Tsuna: Y-yes!). The King at this point was so dismayed by the whole affair that he was ready to give up but the Frog didn't allow him, insisting that he must get at least some information. (Fran: Like I care…)

"Give evidence NOW!" he yelled at the cook who eventually sighs and tells the court that tarts (Me: points at- Squalo: ENOUGH WITH THAT ALREADY!) are mostly made of (Bianchi: Love) pepper. (Bianchi: It seemed you have gotten it wrong Author-san. It is love. LOVE! ME: **…***runs away*)

"No they aren't," the Dormouse called from the back of the court (Bianchi: R-Reborn? Y-you don't think tarts are made of love? Reborn: He, sorry, SHE isn't made of love *points at Squalo* Elizabeth: And you know it's true when a supposedly dead baby says it. Squalo: VOOOOIIIII!) "They are made of treacle."

In response, the guards threw the animal out, the cook slipping away as it happened (Bianchi: REBORN! I AM COMING FOR YOU! *runs off after him* Lussuria: It's so romantic *sniff*). "Onto the next witness then…" the King sighed, Alice leaning forwards in her seat in anticipation. "Alice." (Elizabeth: WOOHOO! I WIN THE LOTTERY MOTHERFUCKERS! Fran: …Cute-sempai, this isn't the lottery. Elizabeth: Then what pray tell is it? Fran: …Never mind.)

Alice rushed forwards having quite forgotten about that fact that she was rather big now, and tripped over the box the jury was in (Leon: *death glare* Elizabeth: …Help.). After apologizing and squishing herself into the witness box, the trial continued.

"What the you know about the matter at hand?" he asked her seriously, Alice listening to his words attentively.

"I'm sorry your honor but I know nothing," (Elizabeth: But if you give me tea and that free ice-cream I might conveniently remember something…) she told him solemnly, the man advising the jury to make note of this 'important' statement. (Elizabeth: Exactly. Tea and free ice-cream is VERY important!)

"You mean unimportant," the Frog corrected him (Fran: This is such a bother…). The King repeated the words to himself, not seeing the difference between the two. (Reborn: Hmph. As expected of No-good Tsuna. Tsuna: R-Reborn…TAT) Frustrated with the whole affair, he then proclaimed from the rule book in his hand that rule forty-two states that all people who are more than a mile tall must leave the court.

"That is stupid! I am not more than a mile high! Alice cried crossly. "You just made it up to make me leave!" (Elizabeth: IT A CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU!)

"How dare you! It is the oldest rule in the book!" (Elizabeth: Take. That. Back. Tsuna: Y-yes!)

"If it was the oldest rule then it would be rule NUMBER ONE!" she stated boldly. This turns out to be too much for the King who orders the jury to come to their verdict. Again, the Frog points out there is more evidence to be heard but the royal man did not listen. (Fran: Suit yourself…)

"Sentence first, verdict afterwards," the Queen announced (Xanxus: Tea and Steak now. Elizabeth: You have your priorities right boss!), Alice's mouth opening in shock.

"It is NONSENSE to have the sentence first!" she shrieked, outraged (Elizabeth: I know. That's why we get tea and steak first. As my boss think of EVERYTHING!) this of course prompting the Queen to order her execution (Elizabeth: b-boss, HOW COULD YOU! Wait, now I sound like Levi…NOOOOOO!). But Alice was not frightened by this at all. "You are nothing but a pack of cards!" she screeched. This brings the whole pack (Elizabeth: they sound like wolves now… Fran: Like Lupo? Elizabeth: No, she is a dog silly!) flying at her making her scream. (Elizabeth: NO! NOT THE CARDS! OH THE HORROR OF POKER!) Suddenly she found herself lying in her sister's lap (Haru: Hahi? Elizabeth: Say that one more time and I'll set Mary on you). "It was a dream?" she wondered, staring up and the blue sky with clouds drifting across it. (Elizabeth: T-the tea was a dream? NOOOOOO!) Suddenly she saw a small frog hopping along and giggled slightly to herself. "Ah well. At least it was enjoyable!" (ELizabeth: BUT I NEVER FIGURED OUT WHO I LIKE MORE! BISCUITS OR TEA! Me: Don't worry. YOu'll forget all abut this soon... Elizabeth: ?)

**Discoabc: I wrote the actual chappie ages ago but I never realized how hard it was to cut out bits of the Alice in Wonderland story and still make it make sense…sad face.**

**Squalo: VOOOIII! YOU JUST TOOK YOUR TIME BECAUSE YOU ARE FUCKING LAZY!**

**Fran: Well, that is all fascinating but why did you knock out Cute-sempai and Fake Prince-sempai?**

**Discoabc: *looks down at their unmoving bodies* because I could?**

**Squalo: VOOOIII! You fucking idiot!**

**Lussuria: My poor, poor children *wipes away a tear* now, who wants some waffles?**

**Discoabc: WAAFFFFFFLLLLLEEESSS! *runs away to kitchen***

**Squalo: She's insane. Completely insane…wait, kitchen?**

**BOOM**

**Discoabc: *walks out* …I don't think that putting soap in a microwave is a good idea after all…**

**Everybody: *faceplam***


	14. Infiltration ninjas

**Hey guys! Sorry for not updating for a while but have gotten rid of the problem be I have, wait for it, DOING MY HOMEWORK BEFORE WRITING THIS! I'm actually seriously proud of myself for doing this ^-^ Then again, I did it in like fifteen minutes cause I am an awesome science/English/subliminal message ninja XD Well, it wasn't subliminal messaging in the end but I did make a lot of people creeped out and did make them what to buy lots of chocolate…you know, sometimes I forget when I am writing this I am meant to be the smartest girl in my year…but then my friends remind me that I have the most lack of common sense in my whole school SO IT ALL MAKES SENSE! Without the common bit. YAY! Shout outs~**

**Soul Vrazy: Y-you have a pill that can make people get their common sense back? YAYAYAYAY *throws hands in the air and accidently hits it out window* …NOO! COME BACK PILL! COME BACK! …That sounds like I'm on drugs…AH WELL! *Gets gun* I SHALL FIGHT FOR THE PUDDING! MUWHAHAHA! No! Don't die from lack of air! DON'T DIIIEEE!**

**KayleeXD: NANANANANA BATMAN! Sorry, I couldn't resist…Wow…you made awesomeness…have an in-depth meaning…AWESOME! XD My big bro rocks! I mean, the other day I was just talking about all the reasons why I needed coke (homework being one of the main ones) and he just said "OFF TO THE SHOPS MY SISTER!" And then we just bought Dr. Pepper…AH WELL! Draw Xanxi-chan the tea god? Already on it ;) You are right, Levi REALLY needs to go in that office…tea is like money. It makes you all happy and stuff and then it makes you feel depressed about one thing or the other…what am I on about? I LOVE MONEY! WOOOHOOO! Yes, Bel would probably love blood tea…I need to make a t-shirt with that slogan! It would be damn AWESOME! The library gangsters: Hibari's disciplinary ain't got nothin' on us! I drew chibi Hibari in a chicken outfit saying "I'll peck you to death" since it was too good an opportunity to miss…No, cat's aren't smarter than us. They are just more…evil. I agree. Fran! YOU ARE DOING THEIR WEDDING! Well, if your last word is waffles then mine is PARACHUTE! I dunno why…**

**Tenshi-Oujosama: Insanely awesome? Why thank you! XD I'll try and put in Little Mermaid as soon as possible…wait! I LIE! I'll do it next chappie! Stupid YouTube videos confusing me!**

**Mistress of Madness: I thought up the idea of them going to a library when two of my friends were yelling at each other really loud and one of them told the other to shut up and in response they said "THIS ISN'T A DAMN LIBRARY SO YOU CAN'T TELL ME TO SHUT UP!" I laughed a lot after that XD When I found out that Belly-chan (I HAVE A SEXY BELLY TOOOOOO!) was worshipped on a toilet I actually fell off my chair laughing. I mean…HAHAHAHAHA! NOOO! GIMME BACK THE CHICKEN! *grabs chicken back* Hibari: I'll peck you to death! Me: I'll eat you. Hibari: … Me: That reminds me of today when I was at one of my friend's house with my lil bro as there was this Lego car with a Lego chicken on top and my friend said "You can take all of that Lego but NOT the chicken. Take it and you shall die." LOL! Hey! Gimme some marshmallows too! SHARING IS CARING DAMMIT! I'm sorry but the hot guys always fit the role of the queen better…Squ-chan, one day you shall accept your womanliness, one day…CAAAAAAAAAKE! IN YOUR FACE TEA GOD! *Writing desk attacks me* NOOO! STAY AWAY! I TAKE IT BACK! I LOVE YOU TEA GOD! I LOOOOOVE YOU!**

**ShinigamiinPeru: Awesomely awesomely awesome? MAKES PERFECT SENSE MY FRIEND! MUWHAHAHA! One day the romance shall kick off, one day…*looks off into the distance dramatically* actually, when they do eventually get together it is quite random…huh, normal I guess! LOL TO YOU TOO! Sorry, I had five slices of chocolate cake…**

**Fire Tests Silver: …The duct tape was Varia Quality. But I do agree with you since I have had it on my mouth as well (when my parents shut up, they mean shut up!) and I got it off after five seconds. So yeah! TAKE THAT BAD HOLLYWOOD MOVIES! I'M AGREEING WITH FIRE TESTS SILVER HERE! Yeah, I have come to believe that about tea too…*drinks cup of tea eyes darting around suspiciously* ad your Bel shirt…I WANT ONE! I WANT ONE! I WANT ONE! I WANT ONE! *dances around like the insane person I am* seriously, it is damn awesome. :)**

**Yuki-chi-chan: I LOVE YOU TOO! As a friend of course. SPREAD THE LOOOOOVE! WOOOOHHOOOO!**

**Guest: OMG I wrote part of this chappie before you sent in your review and although it isn't a Mammon grave scene it's still mentioning his death! I CAN SEE INTO THE FUTURE! MUWHAHAHAHAHA! Bro: No you can't. ME: SCREW YOU! I CAN I TELL YOU! Remember the time I wondered about what happened to Gingerbread and in the next KHR chapter it was all explained? Bro: …You still can't. Me: DAMN YOU! By the way, I'm glad you think it's good :)**

**Kuroyume126: I'm glad you like it! Bel and Eliza are the couple for this fic so don't worry about them not being together because **_**they will be **_***evil smirk* Hope you like this chapter too!**

**LaughterGirl: You liked it from chapter one? Thank you so much! *huggles* dammit computer, STOP TELLING ME HUGGLES ISN'T A REAL WORD! I KNOW IT TO BE TRUE! I'm glad you think Elizabeth is awesome and you enjoy her relationship with Bel :) If was a crazy assassin I know I would be pulling some of their pranks…Ah, the nostalgia! I remember writing that hide and seek chapter (even though it wasn't that long ago…) and I can't believe you actually watched the tangled movie after I wrote about it LOL! Really, I'm seriously glad that you enjoy this fic and I hope you continue to read it :) **

**MESSAGE TO DA WORLD PEOPLE! I am looking for a beta reader for either this fic, my other fic (Strawberries and Cream) or both so if you are interested come PM me and join the madness!**

Chapter 14: Infiltration ninjas

"Stop elbowing the prince froggie!"

"But Cute-sempai keeps hitting the back of my neck with her chin…and it's really pointy…"

"Tea now. Tea now. Tea now. Tea now. Tea now. Tea now."

"ENDURE IT FOR THE BOSS!"

"Oh Squ-chan! I never knew you felt so passionately about me!"

"VOOOOIIII! I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU AT ALL YOU GIRLY BASTARD!"

Bel sighed irritably as he eyed all of his subordinates. Well, eyed everyone he COULD see over Fran's gigantic hat in the dark, small and cramped shaft they were currently in, all of them lying on top of each other. Of course, he just HAD to be on the bottom of the pile didn't he? For a moment, the prince felt sympathy for Levi who had to suffer this torture several times everyday. For a moment. He then turned his thoughts back to how the hell they managed to end up in this situation as the tip of a blade suddenly pierced through the metal below him, missing his head by inches…

_Earlier the very same day_

Lussuria sighed as he watched Squalo and Elizabeth have their daily shouting abuse contest, Squalo being the one shouting the most and Elizabeth being the most verbally abusive, at the breakfast table, part of him wondering why nearly every 'adventure' they had with his sons, daughter, wife and wife's husband AKA his subordinates almost always started at breakfast time. Was it because, he thought with horror, that his cooking was what made them cranky? OH GOD NO! If that were the case he would have failed every housewife who had ever come into existence even for five seconds, that being Elizabeth when she had nearly married a woman dressed in gigantic teacup. Mind you, the woman was very sexy, Elizabeth expecting nothing less from somebody with such great taste in outfits. Anyway, back to breakfast.

"VOOOOIIIII! SINCE WHEN DID I GO OUT EVERY NIGHT UNDER THE NAME OF MRS KISS-ME-QUICK AND GO PICKING UP MEN?" Squalo roared at Elizabeth, bringing his fist down hard on the breakfast table, almost breaking it again. Honestly, the servants had only just fixed it from Levi flying across it whilst holding a cleaving knife. Apparently him cooking food is as much a no, no as it is with Elizabeth according the Xanxus. I mean, SINCE WHEN DID YOU NEED A KNIFE TO MAKE TEA? This is why the Varia boss made Squalo do it. Because he was his bitch. Oh yes, I just made Xanxus go there. But god were those lieutenants of everyone apart from Bel such selfish money hogging Mammon wannabes! I mean, the servants would have been PLENTY happy with moving in a new table after the old one had been sawn in half by the cleaving knife, a nice shiny slick one perhaps so that Levi would slide along it more easily and stop the usual friction from destroying his clothes-guess who those selfish lieutenants made stitch the clothing up so they didn't have to buy new uniforms? -Along with making the bloodstains wipe off easily-a pet hatred of not only Lussuria. But NO, they had to fix the horrible old wooden one with blood splattered all over it (Elizabeth: Look! IT'S STRAWBERRY JAM! Fran: Just don't eat it Cute-sempai) most of it being Levi's using, wait for it, DAMN DUCT TAPE! SELFISH FUCKING BASTARDS!

"Since when?" Elizabeth grinned in response to Squalo's question, swinging her legs up onto the half dead table, her mug of tea (for some reason I wrote coffee earlier! BLASPHEMY!) cradled carefully in her arms as if it was her child. Mind you, we never did find out what happened with that woman dressed up as a teacup so you never know… "Well, that's what I think you should be telling us you naughty woman~"

"VOOOOIIIII! Well…well…I HEARD YOU WENT OUT EVERY NIGHT UNDER THE NAME OF MR I-WANT-TO-GET-INTO-YOUR-PANTS YOU FUCKING CROSSDRESSER!" Squalo yelled, rather pitifully if you asked Levi who was, I kid you not, WATCHING Xanxus as he ate like the little stalker he was. And if Levi thinks you are pathetic then you have failed at life. Full stop.

"And oh how fantastic those nights were…" Elizabeth, not affected by his accusation at all, smiled wistfully, taking a sip of her tea.

"…You sick bitch."

"Sick as in awesome or sick as in ill?"

"VOOOOIII! NIETHER OF THEM YOU IDIOT!"

It was then that Lussuria decided to break out of his horror of failing housewives and let out a small shriek. "LEVI! STOP BLEEDING ON THE CARPET!" he rushed over to the man who had been caught by Xanxus whilst he was staring at him eat (Xanxus: Scum. That is fucking creepy) and threw him off the floor onto a wall, Bel pinning him up there with his knives. Ah, team work. Always useful when getting rid of annoying little pests. "NOOOOO! NOT MY ORIENTAL RUG FROM INDIA WITH PEARLS, SAPPHIRES AND DIAMONDS SEWN ON WHICH WAS ALSO DONE BY HAND!"

And now we all know why Luss-nee loves his carpets so much. You may also be interested to know-the key word here being MAY-that he bought this right after Mammon's funeral dressed in a skimpy suit showing his midriff and his hair dyed entirely black. Of course, we all know how fascinated you are to find out the back-story behind this outfit-long story short when Xanxus was a teenager he went through the phase of wanting to be a stripper. God forbid if Tyr had not died…- but I'm sure you'll be equally happy to find out about how desperate Mammon was not to have Lussuria buy the ridiculously expensive carpet, even writing in his will that he did not wish for such an event to occur. Well, he was THOUGHT to have written that in his will however after his death it mysteriously disappeared into a chest filled with lipstick and pictures of Squalo with kiss marks on them…to this day nobody has the guts to stick their hand into that chest and retrieve it. And so it is fabled that the ghost of Mammon haunts the carpet, eating all those who ever talk of wasting money…well, how else do you think Bel got through all of his lieutenants before Elizabeth huh? And now everything makes sense…

"Mammon haunts a CARPET?" Elizabeth asked Fran who read from a huge book with a ghostly picture of the said Arcobaleno on it, the words 'The Ghost of the Ridiculously Expensive Carpet' printed on the front in bold letterings. Fran nodded solemnly.

"Some say that Mammon-sempai wrote such a thing in his will before his death as he knew Lussuria-sempai was planning on murdering him for the carpet."

"Ushi shi shi~ you've got it all wrong," Bel huffed, irritated by the conversation. "Mammon committed suicide by jumping out of a bank window."

"But I thought he could fly?" the brunette blinked, confused slightly.

"You knew he could fly Cute-sempai?" Fran asked her, mildly surprised.

"Can't all babies?"

"…Sure."

"Apparently Mammon can't fly if he is trying to carry two bars of gold," Bel sighed, downing his coffee in one go before leaning his head backwards. "Such a waste of such puffy cheeks…"

"Why was he even carrying the gold?" Fran asked, slightly interested. But only slightly.

"He wanted to die with his loved ones."

"IT'S LIKE ROMEO AND JULIET!" Elizabeth and Lussuria sobbed, the latter forgetting about his carpet for but a moment. "OH THE TRAGIC ROMANCE!"

"VOOOOIIII! He. Was. A. Fucking. BABY!" Squalo howled.

"Squ-chan, how DARE you!" Lussuria placed both his hands on his hips, annoyance clear on his face. "BABIES HAVE FEELINGS TOO!"

"AND THEY CAN FLY! FRAN SAID SO!"

"Eliza-chan, don't believe everything your younger brother says."

"Yes Luss-nee…"

"VOOOOOIIIII! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" Squalo yelled, his fists clenched as he slammed them against the table again.

"Only our natural good looks," Elizabeth sighed. "It's a curse, I know."

"FUCK YOU!"

"Squ-chan! Language!"

"I hope all of you die a horrible and painful death."

"SQU-CHAN!"

"Especially you."

"Honestly, you are so verbally abusive of me Squ-chan! I'm thinking about filing a complaint to boss!" Lussuria huffed, crossing his arms.

"I'm verbally abusive? I'M VERBALLY ABUSIVE?" Squalo pointed to himself as Lussuria got out a complaint form, filling it out quickly.

"Squ-chan, you really need hearing aid~!" Elizabeth sang, skipping over to Lussuria. "I'll fill out the witness signature if you want Luss-nee!"

"Awwwww, aren't you a sweetheart!"

"VOOOOOOOIIII! It's YOU who verbally abuses ME!" Squalo howled, jabbing his finger at Elizabeth who scowled.

"It's rude to point you know. Honestly, as a lady you should know this!" she tutted.

"THAT'S IT!" Squalo leapt to his feet and jumped at the girl, both of them being knocked to the floor in the scuffle.

"ABUSIVE GUARDIAN! ABUSIVE GAURDIAN!" the brunette shrieked repeatedly as the man got her in a headlock. "I'LL CALL SOCIAL SERVICES!"

"VOOOOIIII! YOU ARE FUCKING TWENTY-SIX!"

"BUT FRAN IS SIX!"

"Why am I getting progressively younger?" the illusionist wondered but was ignored. Poor froggie. WE STILL LOVE YOU!

"VOOOOIIII! WHAT HAS THAT GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?"

"…LOOK OVER THERE!" Elizabeth suddenly pointed at the ceiling. And Squalo, like the trained assassin/swordsman he was, looked away. And so Elizabeth, like the trained assassin/swordswoman she also was, me being a stupid idiot and forgetting to write swordswoman for Squalo, punched him in a very special place. "TAKE THAT MOTHERFUCKER!" she cackled evilly, retracting her fists from…his chest. After seeing his lack of reaction, she blinked. "Strange, women usually react when I hit their breasts…"

"…You do realize how wrong that just sounded? AND I AM NOT A WOMAN!"

"I know you like me want to be able to pass as an awesomely sexy man however I'm sorry Squ-chan but everyone here can tell you are a woman even with your flat-chest-ness," Elizabeth told him solemnly. "Which is why you are Mrs. Kiss-Me-Quick and I am Mr. I-Want-To-Get-In-Your-Pants."

"VOOOOOOOIIIII!"

"SHUT UP!" everybody suddenly turned silent as Xanxus stood up from his chair, breathing heavily from anger as he waved a piece of paper around at them. "I have a fucking hangover you little pieces of shit and unless you want to feel ten times the fucking pain I am fucking feeling right now then I suggest you fuckers go on this fucking mission and NOT COME FUCKING BACK UNTIL YOU'VE COMPLETED IT!"

Well, somebody didn't take their super awesome happy pill today…

"Boss, are you alrig-" Levi, who had managed to peel himself off the wall, was thrown back into it by the extremely pissed off man, blood splattering the wall like paint.

Somebody didn't take their special muffin either.

Xanxus then shot Levi repeatedly to make sure that he didn't start speaking again.

Or their tea.

"Yes boss," everyone ALIVE answered the man in unison, a rare occurrence for the usually out of sync people whose personalities clashed on a daily basis. It was probably just because Levi might actually dead, each feeling inexplicable joy including the emotionless Fran. HE'S DEAD! WOOOHHOOOOO!

"Hmph. Good," Xanxus then stormed out of the room, silence filling the room for a few moments before Lussuria remembered something.

"NOOOOO! NOT MY EMERALD, GOLD AND SILVER ENCRUSTED WALLPAPER MADE OUT OF BANK NOTES PAINTED WHITE!"

And yes, Mammon was against buying that too.

_Later_

"Cute-sempai."

"Hmm?"

"I know you have to pretend to be a spoilt rich English brat but…"

"But…?"

"Is it really necessary to take you there in a rickshaw?" he asked her as him and Levi continued to pull the vehicle along. Well, when he said him and Levi he meant that he was doing all of the pulling and Levi was still bleeding to death only now dressed in a suit like everyone else excluding Elizabeth. Thos selfish lieutenants were definitely not replacing THAT clothing!

"Ushi shi shi~ it is most definitely needed," Bel insisted, throwing a few knives in Fran's hat for good measure.

"But Levi-sempai isn't helping me," the illusionist complained in his monotone voice. "He's just bleeding everywhere. And I'm tired. And I'm hungry. And I need a drink."

"I NEED TEEEAA!" Elizabeth shrieked, stomping her feet on the Rickshaw's floor making her vibrant red cocktail dress swishing around her high hells of the same color. Yes, high hells. They were, as you guessed, stilettos. Ouch. "NOOOOOOW!"

"You are so good at getting into character Eliza-chan!" Lussuria praised her.

"Thanks! BUT I NEED MY DAMN TEA!"

"Ushi shi shi~ the prince needs his coffee too," Bel announced. What? If Elizabeth can act bratty about then he could too! After all, HE WAS THE REAL PRINCE HERE!

"Fake prince."

"Read the prince's mind again and you will wish you were never born froggie."

"I NEED TEEEAAAA!" Elizabeth screamed again.

"Right. I'll see what I can do," Lussuria nodded seriously. "Squ-chan, could you be a dear and get Eliza-chan some tea?"

"VOOOIII! Get it yourself!" Squalo roared angrily. He was not in the mood for this at all and just wanted to go back but if he did that then he would face certain death by Xanxus's hand for not completing his mission. Damn that shitty boss and his stupid hangovers!

"I'm tired. I need to rest."

"The prince needs coffee."

"I NEED TEEAAAA!"

"Squ-chan!"

"I'm tired. I need a break now."

"The prince needs coffee now!"

"I NEED TEEEAAA!"

"SQU-CHAN!"

"I. Am. Tired."

"Coffee. NOW!"

"I NEEEEEED TEEEEAAAAAAA!"

"SQU-CHAAAAAAAN!"

"VOOOIII! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS! Fran get back in the Rickshaw and wake that damn Levi up! Bel and

Elizabeth, we are nearly at the fucking party so JUST WAIT FIVE MINUTES FOR YOUR DAMN DRINKS! Lussuria, I am not going to kiss you so PISS OFF. OKAY?"

Silence.

"Who's pulling the Rickshaw then?" Fran finally asked.

"LEVI IS! THAT'S WHY I TOLD YOU TO FUCKING WAKE HIM UP!"

"Squ-chan. You are stressed out," Lussuria placed his hand on his arm gently. "You need to relax."

"LAST TIME I RELAXED THESE TWO DESTROYED A SHOPPING CENTER!" he pointed at Elizabeth and Bel who cocked there heads to the side innocently.

"Who, us?"

"VOOOOIIII! WHO ELSE WOULD I BE TALKING ABOUT? AND WHY ISN'T LEVI AWAKE YET?"

Fran shook Levi's body again before sighing. "I think he may be dead."

Another silence.

"OF ALL THE FUCKING TIMES!" Squalo hit his head against his knee repeatedly. "THE ONE TIME WE NEED HIM AND HE JUST DIES ON US!"

Elizabeth sighed, pushing some of the hair that had escaped from her bun behind her ears. "Honestly, must I do EVERYTHING?"

"VOOOOIII! YOU HAVE NEVER DONE SOMETHING USEFUL IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!"

The brunette ignored his words and marched over to Levi's body. "Boss is being raped by that electricity kid you couldn't kill in the ring battles."

"BOOOOOOOOOSSSSSS!" Levi suddenly sat up, trying to draw his parabolas, which weren't there anymore. What, you were expecting them to walk in with those things to a party? Sorry but the Varia had standards. High ones. Which was why everyone wanted Levi dead. Elizabeth was probably/DEFINETELY going to regret not keeping him dead later. "Where is boss?" he asked frantically. Elizabeth took out a map, pointing to the mansion the party they were going to be going to take place in. Levi jumped from the Rickshaw. "FOR BOSSSSSSSS!" he yelled as he began to pull it along at subsonic speeds, Lussuria and Elizabeth both screaming for two very different reasons, Squalo being momentarily blinded by his flying hair, Bel laughing loudly and Fran drinking some lemonade calmly. Levi suddenly stopped, everyone flying forwards. Of course, Elizabeth landed on Levi with her stilettos smacking into his back making the man let out a girly scream.

"Whoa, Levi just surpassed Squ-chan's womanliness!" Elizabeth whistled as Levi outstretched one of his hands.

"Forgive me…boss…" and thus he was out for the count.

"Lady Lily Rosenatta?" a butler suddenly walked up to Elizabeth as she stomped on Levi's body just for safe measure before walking towards him, her hands on her hips and her head held high.

"And who are you?" she asked, making sure her English accent came through strongly in her words. Fran had not been joking when he had said she was pretending to be a spoilt rich English brat. The mission Xanxus had been talking about entailed one of them impersonating an English daughter of a long dead assassin and attending the party of a mafia boss who had recently displayed interest in attacking the Vongola family. They then needed to seduce the man and find out his family's plans then assassinating him and escaping before any policemen or other family members arrived. The whole group had been for Squalo impersonating the woman before the seducing part, as although he could sometimes pass as an extremely sexy man (Elizabeth: Psh, she wishes!), as a woman he had no sex appeal whatsoever. So instead he, like the others, was dressed as Lily Rosenatta's servants. Now, you might be wondering what happened to the real Lily. Well, let's just say that they were currently…_occupied._

_Elsewhere_

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" Lily Rosenatta shrieked, stomping her foot down hard on the limo's floor. "DO SOMETHING ALREADY!"

"My lady, we are doing all we can…"

"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" the woman shrieked. "I HAVE A PARTY TO GO TO!"

"I apologize but…"

"JUST SHOOT THESE DAMN THINGS!

"That's the problem," the servant sighed. "We CAN'T."

"What do you mean you can't? I am Lady Lily Rosenatta and I DEMAND FOR THOSE THINGS TO BE EXECUTED! NOW!" she pointed out of the window at…a herd of polar bears.

"They are considered endangered therefore we can't…" the servant didn't even bother finishing his reply and tuned out the fuming woman as he looked at the animals miserably. They were in Italy for god's sake! HOW THE HELL DID THEY EVEN GET HERE?

_Lesson learnt: Next time we don't let Elizabeth plan the distraction._

"Lady Lily~!" a muscular man raced up to Elizabeth once they had entered the mansion, kneeling to her and kissing her hand. "Thank you, thank you, thank you for joining me in this party of mine!"

Elizabeth almost instantly jerked her hand away but then she remembered that this was the man she was meant to seduce. Well, she didn't care whether she was the target, if he didn't have any fucking tea then he was dead meat. Forcing a smile onto her face, she indicated for him to rise. "Mr. Acrorat I presume."

Okay. NOW she sounded like an idiot. "Ah! The rumors about your intelligence are true!" Acrorat exclaimed, feigning astonishment whilst eyeing her body. Elizabeth wasn't going to hide it; she was soooo going to enjoy killing him after all of this.

"Intelligence?" Squalo stifled a laugh, Elizabeth resisting the urge to turn around and shout at him in response. She then realized something and smiled.

"You there, _servant," _she pointed at Squalo. "I need you to get me some tea. Now."

"VOOOOOIIII-I mean, of course my lady," he smiled bitterly at her before storming off to get the girl what she wanted. At time like this he wondered whether being a woman with sex appeal would have made this all turn out so much better…wait, WHAT? Elizabeth suppressed a giggle as Squalo suddenly collapsed in the middle of the corridor from his completely stupid thought. Oh yes, now she understood how nice it was to be like royalty. WHY HADN'T BEL TOLD HER IT WAS SO AWESOME BEFOREHAND? Selfish bastard…

"Now, shall we go join the other guests my lady?" Acrorat asked her, opening the door to a huge hall where a huge crowd of people stood, socializing quietly with each other, an orchestra playing in the background. Elizabeth then spotted the food.

"FOOOOOD!" she literally yelled, running, yes RUNNING in stilettos (she had a death wish), to the table and shoveling it in her mouth. She then paused, remembering she was on a mission. Ah, screw it. THEY HAD FRICKEN WAFFLES!

"It's nice to see a lady who enjoys her food," Acrorat mused, not put off by her actions at all as he swept his blonde hair out of his eyes.

"Food now, talk later," Elizabeth almost snapped at him but stuffed her mouth full with chicken so that she couldn't. SHE NEEDED TO GO SERIOUS ASSASSIN MODE DAMMIT!

"She is going to get us killed," Levi, WHO WAS ALIVE DAMMIT, sighed, ignoring the shocked looks at his blood stained suit.

"Ushi shi shi~ you insult the prince's servant?" Bel asked him, reaching for some knives in his jacket's inner pocket. He was itching to kill somebody for being made to go on this stupid mission where he would probably have to do nothing. Actually, scrap that, Levi was right. Elizabeth was probably going to mess up and thus nearly kill all of them. THEN he would have to fight his way out. Oh the joys of life.

"I feel as if I am being insulted by people…" Elizabeth thought, scowling slightly.

"What is wrong my lady?" Acrorat asked her having seen her expression. Elizabeth slapped Levi mentally-Xanxus was right! This WAS stress relieving! –before taking a glass of wine off a silver tray and servant was carrying, downing it in one go. Okay, mentally slapping Levi made you become an alcoholic too. Damn. Now where was Squalo and her fucking tea? "Are you by any chance…bored?" he smiled in a flirty manner at her. Okay, Elizabeth really, REALLY needed that tea right now.

"What are you implying?" she asked, hoping her expression passed off as seductive and not desperate. SHE NEEDED THAT TEA NOW!

"Well…" he leant towards her ear, Elizabeth restraining a sigh as she took another glass of wine, downing it one go again.

"I think Cute-sempai is trying to get drunk," Fran droned, Lussuria gasping in horror.

"NO! ELIZA-CHAN, YOU ARE TOO YOUNG!" he shrieked, everybody turning to face him.

"Your servants are very loud aren't they?" Acrorat asked Elizabeth, sweat dropping.

"I don't know what you are talking about…" cue another empty wine glass. TEEEAAAA. NOOOWWW.

"Anyway, back to what I was saying..." Acrorat snaked an arm round her waist, grinning. "There is something FAR more interesting to be doing than staying in here…"

"THIS IS T RATED DAMMIT!"

"Did you say something?"

"Who? Me?" Elizabeth drank another glass. Acrorat shook his head.

"I'm imagining things…" he shrugged before leaning closer to Elizabeth. "So? How about it my lady?"

"Just let me finish this glass…"

"THAT'S YOUR FIFTH ONE!"

Elizabeth looked around the room for Squalo one more time and puffed her cheeks outwards when she saw he wasn't there. "Okay. Let's go have…fun?"

"Wow. Cute-sempai managed to finish phase one of the plan without killing herself or us," Fran remarked dryly as the girl was led away by Acrorat. "Impressive."

"NOOOO! MY DAUGHTER IS AN ALCOHOLIC!"

"…We are still going to get killed though."

Bel growled at his subordinates as he began to follow Elizabeth and their target like the plan stated, the rest of the assassins following after him. No, he couldn't consider them assassins at all, the blonde thought irritably, since none of them were good at assassination whatsoever. First of all, he considered Levi. He would simply shout 'FOR THE BOSS' before making the whole room light up with green electricity. Very inconspicuous. Next Lussuria. Slightly better but would probably just flirt with everyone, fall in love with the target and then have a tragic duel to the death with them before joining his beloved 'Squ-chan' again and promising to love him forever. So far, they would be lucky if they survived the night! Then Fran. A lot better but the frog was just…not bothered to do anything. He would just stand there and let his illusions scare his target to death. Literally. Of course, the target would be screaming so much that would hardly be considered a good assassination either. There was also Squalo, wherever the shark idiot was. He was just fucking loud. Enough said. Hell, not even XANXUS, the head of the ASSASSINATION squad would be able to assassinate somebody sneakily. He would just burn the whole building down. Sorted. NOT! Well, of course being a prince, he COULD manage assassinations properly and kill his target sneakily with his knives. Elizabeth probably could as well, he supposed having seen her do the smartest thing in, most likely, her whole life and put silencers on her guns before going to this party along with using a small dagger to keep her hair in a bun if needed to use it as a weapon. Yes, she was being a little loud but at least she wasn't going to make the actual killing part loud. She was hiding her killing intent pretty well too despite the fact she obviously wanted to destroy Acrorat for being such a womanizer. And…did Bel just see him pinch Elizabeth's butt?

"Bel-chan, stooop!" Lussuria hissed as the blonde got out some knives, clearly annoyed. How DARE he touch the prince's servant! Bel didn't like her like THAT (Sure you don't…) but she was HIS servant! Touching his possessions was just…okay, let me word it like this: Once upon a time, Belphegor and Raisel were having their daily dispute and during this the latter stole Bel's FAVORITE most awesome teddy bear EVER. When his brother was sleeping that night, Bel stabbed his brother's wrist and would have killed him if that stupid butler Olgelt hadn't come in and stopped him. Fucking bastard. And they all lived unhappily ever after~! So now you know how much Bel HATED people touching his possessions.

Elizabeth sighed, clicking her tongue impatiently. She could HEAR Lussuria hissing at her captain and half wondered why Acrorat couldn't. But then again, he was probably ecstatic from touching her bottom and practically dead to the world. "Men." Her mind huffed. Now, where was Squalo and her tea because if he didn't get there soon then she swore that he was going to wish that he had faced Xanxus's wrath instead of go on the mission!

"Here we are~!" her target sang, opening a door and ushering her inside and shutting it behind her. "So, you ready?"

To kill you? Of course. BUT I NEED MY MOTHERFUCKING TEA FIRST! Instead of saying that, she pushed the man softly onto a sofa before straddling over him. "Actually…" she half purred, letting one of her fingers trail down his chest. "Since you are such a strong (weak) powerful (gullible) man (more womanly than Squ-chan somehow), won't you tell me about your brave (cowardly) adventures (tell me all of your plans motherfucker)? Pretty please? (I have a gun. And I WILL use it.)"

Acrorat laughed, placing his hands on her shoulders. " How about you tell me more about yourself my lady?"

"Oh, I'm not that interesting compared to you (just far more epic). Only a British lady with a weak spot for…" she leant towards his ear, grinning slyly. "Men like you. (Just kidding~)"

"You flatter me," he laughed, drumming his fingers against her skin. "Well, how about I tell you a story about the great Vongola family and how they will be defeated…"

_A little later_

"She is actually doing rather well…" Fran droned, wearing X-Ray vision glasses. How he got them, nobody will ever know.

"FRAN-CHAN! You shouldn't be watching what they are doing! IT'S M+ RATED!" Lussuria scolded him, snatching away the glasses. "And you are only five!"

"Ah, my age has progressed backwards even further…"

Lussuria suddenly snapped up straight. "MY WOMANLY SENSES ARE TINGLING!" he shrieked before spinning round and jumping into Squalo's arms.

"VOOOIII! HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?" the man roared, pushing Lussuria away with a huge black file.

"Ushi shi shi~ what is that?" Bel asked, scowling at the door to the room Elizabeth and Acrorat were in.

"Hmph. I, unlike you guys, actually do my job properly," Squalo announced smugly.

"Congratulations," Fran clapped slowly.

"VOOOIII! What are you implying?" he hissed.

"…Nothing."

"VOOOOOOOIIIII!"

"SHUSH!" Levi suddenly shouted, crouching low. "I hear gunshots!"

"Fantastic…" Fran muttered sarcastically as a group of men rounded round the corner towards them, each wielding sub-machine guns. At the front was a brunette who looked as beautiful as she was bratty.

"Where is my fiancé Acrorat?" she asked them in a rich melodious voice, spinning a saber (you guys should know this is a sword. I am DISAPOINTED in you if you didn't know. *serious face* okay people? OKAY?) around in her hands. The group looked at each other.

"Fiancé?" they all said in unison.

"Yes. My fiancé," she spoke again, obviously irritated. "I being Madonia Lusrey."

Squalo made a grunt of recognition before licking his lips nervously. This woman was a well-known swordswoman from France known for having married sixteen men despite only being twenty-three. She apparently loved them all but most of them were assassinated for getting involved with her. "And I was somebody who assisted the assassination of one of them…" he groaned quietly, wishing he could hide the black file in his hand somewhere since it was goddamn fucking IMPORTANT. But now wasn't the time to worry about that, he chided himself. Elizabeth was currently in the middle of seducing this deadly woman's fiancé and if she went in that room _she was as good as dead_. And although that would be infinitely satisfying, it was likely that Bel would sulk for AGES. And have a grudge against him till the day he died. Well, they were pretty much dead if this woman before them got annoyed with them too so that day wouldn't be far off. Yay.

"Open that door," Madonia indicated to the room leading to Elizabeth and Acrorat, Squalo cursing softly. This was baaad. One of her man obliged and threw the door open, Squalo wondering whether he could hold off the woman for a while if it came down to it. Yes it was because Madonia was a brilliant swordswoman but her men were all holding MACHINE GUNS. They would be dead before they even moved!

"MADONIA~!" Acrorat suddenly ran out of the room, rushing to hug his fiancée. "How I missed yo-" he was cut off mid-sentence by the woman sticking a sword through his chest.

"The rest of them were killed for annoying the woman," Squalo sighed. It was clear to say that Elizabeth would have probably annoyed her twice as much as Acrorat had done. Well hell. He moved slightly to signal to Elizabeth to escape but the girl was already walking out of the room, an irritated expression on her face.

"Where the FUCK is my TEA?" she yelled at the swordsman who face palmed.

"VOOOIII! You IDIOT! Now you really have killed us all!"

"Told you," Levi muttered, grinning slightly. "Wait! WHAT?"

Elizabeth blinked slightly at Squalo's outburst and opened her mouth to say something when she instinctively jumped backwards, a bullet whizzing past her head. "Hm. You have good reflexes," Madonia observed, holding a small gun in her hands. "And by your stance I can tell you have been trained by a good master."

"Squ-chan." Elizabeth breathed. "I really need my tea. Right now."

"VOOOOI! Of all the things you are worried about getting your fucking TEA?" Squalo stared at her in disbelief. Honestly, you would think that staring in the face of death would at least make her a little saner!

"You are also an idiot," Madonia continued, Elizabeth glowering at her slightly. "But, not so much an idiot to actually like my ex-fiancé," she pointed at Acrorat's dead body with her saber.

"Wow. Extreme," Elizabeth commented, her eyebrows rising at the sight of the corpse.

"So, you must have been using him to get information about his family," Madonia concluded. "Although I care not about him anymore, I feel an obligation to protect his mafia family. No hard feelings." She waved her glove hand as her man lifted up their guns and fired. Dust and blocks of stone were thrown up into the air making it unable to see for a few moments. When the dust had cleared Madonia let out a grunt of annoyance. The grill to a ventilation shaft running along the ceiling had been thrown onto the ground and there were no bodies to be seen. "Men. I want you to find them and kill on sight," she ordered.

"Yes ma'am!" they all rushed off with their guns, Madonia sighing as she ran her fingers through her hair.

"The girl is so young…how could she learn Sei Spada Arte so quickly?" she wondered having noticed Elizabeth's specific movements unique to that sword style. "I wonder whether she really is that brat Lily Rosenatta…"

_Elsewhere_

"So, when I told you to get my tea you went to go get a black file with information on the Varia?" Elizabeth asked Squalo as they crawled through the ventilations shaft, the brunette carrying her stilettos in her hands. What? THEY COST A BLOODY FORTUNE! She wasn't just going to go discard them somewhere!

"VOOOIII! What else do you think I did?" Squalo snapped behind his shoulder. He had already explained to the group the real problem was now not the Elizabeth might kill them all but that Madonia was involved. AKA: they were screwed.

"Oh, I don't know, MADE ME MY FUCKING TEA?" Elizabeth yelled angrily in response to his question. She had been waiting for her drink for more than an hour now and Squalo had just told her that he _hadn't even made it_.

"VOOOII! Why the fuck would I do that?"

This answer to her question gained the swordsman a stab from the stilettos in the foot. Who cares if they cost a fortune, HE HAD GIVEN HER FALSE HOPE AND DESERVED TO DIE. "Now, now. Let's not fight," Lussuria looked over his shoulder at Squalo as he promised Elizabeth that he would rip her 'FUCKING HEART' out and make sure her 'FUCKING BODY' was completely an utterly 'FUCKING DESTROYED'. How nice of him. "You should both apologize!"

"VOOOIII! WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT?" Squalo yelled, his sword scraping against the metal shaft as he tried to turn round another corner.

"I'll apologize first then," Elizabeth announced, making the man look at her in disbelief.

"You WILL?"

"Yep! Because I am so very sorry that you didn't get that tea."

"VOOOOOOIIIIII!"

"Ah. They are arguing again." Fran commented, looking back at the two.

"Thanks. The prince couldn't tell," Bel snapped, continuing to crawl his way along. It was he who had actually saved everyone's life by preparing an escape route earlier and having unscrewed the grill leading into the ventilation whilst Elizabeth got the information they needed. To tell the truth he had been planning on only saving Elizabeth but he was curious about the information the black file had on the Varia so he had to save Squalo too. And Squalo being the nice guy he was told the others to save themselves first. Next time, Bel was going to forget about his curiosity and abandon them all. Honestly, he couldn't understand why they hadn't been found yet with all their yelling! "Ushi shi shi~ it's left now." He sang when they came across the intersecting point of four shafts. The group followed him obediently until it came to Elizabeth who was last in the line. She suddenly stopped at the intersecting point, sniffing the air.

"I SMELL TEA!" she shrieked after a few moments, twisting round and going right. Bel instantly stopped crawling along and span round, clambering over the rest of the Varia members.

"Servant, STOP!" he only just managed to grab the end of her dress before Elizabeth let out a small scream, her right hand plunging downwards into nothingness, her body disappearing suddenly.

"VOOOII! What is going on?" Squalo grabbed onto Bel's jacket before the blonde disappeared too, dragging the both of the downwards as a result.

"SQU-CHAN!" Lussuria jumped round and grabbed onto the end of Squalo's hair before he too began to vanish.

"FOR BOSS!" Levi grabbed onto Lussuria's shoe, disappearing into the darkness. Fran sighed.

"Guess I have to go too…" he muttered to himself, peering into the darkness disdainfully as he crawled off after the others, plunging downwards suddenly. "Whee," he droned as he slid down a chute, his arms lifted upwards. Actually, calling it a simple chute was an understatement, him being able to see the others doing a loop the loop at one point- Elizabeth shrieking with joy, her arms outstretched, Bel grabbing onto her waist, laughing manically, Squalo yelling either from the sheer shock or Lussuria pulling on his hair and screaming in his ear and finally Levi who looked violently sick.

"VOOOOIIII! WHO THE FUCK WOULD PUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS IN THE VENTELATION SHAFTS?" Squalo roared other Elizabeth's whoops of joy, her hair having completely escaped from her bun now.

"I DON'T CARE BUT THIS IS AWESOME!" she shrieked happily, Bel laughing in agreement. Or was he just laughing in the usual way? Meh. Like she cared. Bel suddenly stopped laughing and blinked slightly.

"Get ready to smile?" he asked, reading an overhead sign with confusion. Suddenly the group slid down a near vertical drop, Lussuria letting out another scream of horror, the flash of a camera capturing the moment perfectly. Eventually the slide down stopped and they stopped before an overhead TV with a picture of them going down the drop, Elizabeth's eyes squeezed shut and a huge smile on her face, Bel laughing, Squalo yelling with Lussuria screaming and clutching onto his hair even tighter along with Levi who was a bright shade of green.

"AGAIN! AGAIN!" Elizabeth giggled insanely as she tried to stand up and fell onto Bel, the two of them both enjoying some quality laughing timing together.

"NOO! MY HAIR LOOKS TERRIBLE!" Lussuria shrieked, hiding his face in his hands. "I SHALL NEVER BE ABLE TO SHOW MYSELF IN PUBLIC AGAIN!"

"My hair…my poor hair…" Squalo cried comically, holding his ripped out stands of his hair in his hands miserably.

"I-I managed to survive that without being injured!" Levi, who didn't look nearly as ill as before, stood up, pumping his fists in the air. Suddenly Fran flew into the back of head, knocking him to the floor.

"That was entertaining," he droned, brushing himself off as he stood up, ignoring Levi's twitching body beneath his feet.

"VOOOIII! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Squalo pointed at the still giggling brunette who was staggering about on her feet even whilst using Bel for support. But then again, he didn't look so stable either. "Why didn't you even GO down here?"

"I smelt tea."

Silence.

"VOOOOIIII! YOU WENT DOWN SOMEHWERE WHICH WAS POTENTIONALY DANGEROUS BECAUSE YOU SMELT _TEA_?"

Elizabeth nodded. Squalo as a result broke down, sobbing quietly to himself as Lussuria patted his back soothingly. "Sooooooooo, where are we Bel-chan?" Lussuria asked the boy who has fallen over again, still giggling.

"The prince doesn't know~!" he sang happily.

"You don't know? Wow. That is a change Fake prince-sempai," Fran commented.

"I KNOW WHERE WE ARE!" Elizabeth announced proudly having recovered her sense of balance.

"And where might that be Cute-sempai? We are dying from the suspense."

"NEAR TEA!" she put her hands on her hips, expecting the rest of the group to be chuffed.

"We are dead. We are dead. We are dead. We are dead," Squalo chanted, hugging his knees tightly. "WE ARE ALL DEAD!"

"Ah, Squ-chan's lost it again," Lussuria sighed. "Honestly, I think you might need therapy."

"VOOOIII! IT'S HER who needs therapy!" he pointed at Elizabeth before going back to his chant.

"I need no such thing!" the brunette scoffed, flipping her now loose hair over her shoulders. "But I do need tea right now."

"We gathered that earlier Cute-sempai."

"You did?" Elizabeth looked at him sternly. "THEN WHY THE FUCK HAVEN'T I GOT IT YET? I NEED TEA NOW! RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" she breathed deeply, her face drained of color. Bel, who had also recovered his sense of balance, studied her face closely.

"Ushi shi shi~ the servant has started to have withdrawal symptoms," he proclaimed.

"TEEEAAAAAA!"

"No, I'm pretty sure Cute-sempai is like this most of the time," Fran said.

"You question the princes judgment?"

"Yes."

Cue knives flying at his head. "HEY! I'VE GOT AN IDEA!" Lussuria suddenly shrieked, clapping his hands together excitedly. "Eliza-chan, you say you can smell tea?"

"BUT OF COURSE! I CAN SMELL TEA FROM A MILE AWAY!"

"…I think Cute-sempai has begun to hallucinate from lack of tea."

Cue gunshots at his head.

"And become more violent."

"Well, if she can smell tea then we must be near a kitchen!" Lussuria grinned smugly, pleased with his deduction. Squalo stopped his chanting, his eyes hopeful.

"VOOOII! You aren't…lying are you?" he asked suspiciously, his hope still easily heard through his words.

"Squ-chan! When have I EVER lied to you?" Lussuria placed a hand to his heart in horror. "Come on children, let's leave your silly second mother behind for daring to doubt my WORDS!" he grasped onto the now ghostly white and frozen frigid Elizabeth who was repeating the words 'Tea now' over and over again. Yep, she definitely wasn't having withdrawal symptoms…. The group moved towards a nearby opening to a ventilation shaft, Bel going first, Fran second, Elizabeth third, Levi fourth, Lussuria fifth and finally Squalo last. The group crawled along slowly due to Elizabeth's movements being extremely stiff and Bel quite frankly not knowing where the hell he was going. Finally Squalo being one of the most impatient people in the world could not take the snail's pace they were currently moving at as he was at the back of the group and he waved his sword around furiously.

"VOOOIII! HURRY IT UP WILL…you…" he stared as his sword hit a big red button on the ceiling of the shaft, everyone turning back to look at him including the tea deprived Elizabeth.

"_Drop button initiated. 3. 2. 1. 0. Have a nice day~!"_

"FUC-"

The floor of the shaft suddenly slid out from below them, dropping them downwards suddenly into pitch-black darkness. Lussuria screamed in his girly voice as they fell, clutching onto Squalo's hair again, Levi hit his head on the side of the tunnel and let out an equally as girly scream, Squalo screamed from having his hair pulled on again in a much more masculine voice which was somehow disappointing, Bel laughed manically again, Fran sipped some hot chocolate and Elizabeth…

"Tea now. Tea now. Tea now. Tea now. Tea now. Tea now. Tea now. Tea now."

Now, you may be thinking 'oh how disappointing. They all died from falling down a vertical tunnel because Squalo/Squ-chan/a woman with no sex appeal was an idiot and Elizabeth made no such funny comment about it. Now we will never know her back-story or why this chapter started the way it did.' And if you were, YOU WERE RIGHT!

The end~

…

…

…

…

…

…Yeah, like I would write something so stupid (I know. Amazing isn't it?). The savior for the group was in fact the one who had gotten them into the mess in the first place and no, we are not using Xanxus logic right now where the fault of everything is Levi. Which it is. No, it was Squalo who saved them all by sticking his sword into the wall of the tunnel and grabbing Lussuria's collar, the gay man instinctively throttling the nearest thing to him in a hug-bad luck Levi- Levi squawking and flailing his arms around thus accidentally grabbing onto Elizabeth, the brunette making no such attempt to catch Fran but the illusionist creating a huge illusion of several tiny Bel's to grab onto her arm and then grab onto him and, finally, Bel throwing a knife in Fran's hat, suspending in mid air with the wire attached to the knife attached to him. It was actually extremely lucky they stopped where they did, Bel only a few inches away from the floor of another ventilation shaft below him. But before anybody could thank Squalo for saving them/yelling at him for causing the problem in the first place, they found out something new: if Squalo claims he can hold up all the Varia guardians and Elizabeth simultaneously he is lying. The group all fell down on top of each other, Bel letting out an 'oomph' as he felt the weight of everyone on top of him. He let out another one when Fran elbowed him in the stomach because of Elizabeth banging her chin against the back of his neck, this being a new advancement in her withdrawal symptoms, Levi suddenly smelling steak and being reminded of Xanxus, Lussuria squealing because of Squalo who was straddling him due to falling on top of him and the swordsman, sorry, WOMAN, clutching onto the black file in one hand. And thus…

"Stop elbowing the prince froggie!"

"But Cute-sempai keeps hitting the back of my neck with her chin…and it's really pointy…"

"Tea now. Tea now. Tea now. Tea now. Tea now. Tea now."

"ENDURE IT FOR THE BOSS!"

"Oh Squ-chan! I never knew you felt so passionately about me!"

"VOOOOIIII! I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU AT ALL YOU GIRLY BASTARD!"

Bel sighed irritably as he eyed all of his subordinates. Well, eyed everyone he COULD see over Fran's gigantic hat in the dark, small and cramped shaft they were currently in, all of them lying on top of each other. Of course, he just HAD to be on the bottom of the pile didn't he? For a moment, the prince felt sympathy for Levi who had to suffer this torture several times everyday. For a moment. He then turned his thoughts back to how the hell they managed to end up in this situation as the tip of a blade suddenly pierced through the metal below him, missing his head by inches…oh wait. We already did that. OKAY! BACK TO THE PROBLEM OF THE SWORD!

"BEL-CHAN!" Lussuria screamed as the blade withdrew back through the metal below the blonde and stabbed again, this time cutting Bel's cheek. The boy gritted his teeth. He was unable to move with everyone piled up on him and whoever was wielding it was bound to hit him with their next stab, the screeching of a sword ripping through metal telling him that the blade was being drawn back and that stab was soon. Okay, last thoughts to his subordinates: Lussuria, you really are not my mother and are a seriously perverted freak but yes, if I had gotten married, then I would have allowed you to plan it. Squalo, I will admit that I have been jealous of your hair. But you are still a girl. Levi, I hate you. Xanxus, you were actually quite a good boss .As is an assassin boss, not a real one. Fran, I also hate you. Take off that frog hat and I will haunt you like Mammon haunts that carpet. Elizabeth…Have a nice life with your tea.

"TEA NOOOOW!" suddenly a muffled shots of several bullets was heard and suddenly the ventilation shaft shook violently before breaking apart, the group falling downwards onto the tiled floor of a kitchen. Bel, extremely surprised to have lived, looked towards Elizabeth who was lying on the floor, not moving. For a moment he felt slightly worried for the girl. "…Tea…now…"

Panic over. It was just the withdrawal symptoms.

"Hmm. She is an impressive shot," a familiar voice drawled, everyone apart from the half dead Elizabeth spinning to see Madonia, Bel's blood glinting on her sword dangerously. "And so my mind is made up. That girl cannot be Lily Rosenatta."

"VOOOII! What's it to you?" Squalo roared, a bead of sweat trailing down his neck. This was worse then bad, none of the Varia members actually having their box weapons on them. What? It was meant to be a routine infiltration mission! How were they supposed to know that Madonia Lusrey would suddenly appear? HOW? Of course, all of them apart from Levi had their usual weapons on them (they got rid of his remember?) excluding Elizabeth's swords. But then again, she was hardly ever bothered to use them anyway so it wasn't that much of a loss. Except of perhaps their lives. Madonia snapped her head round to looked at Squalo, a sudden killing intent filling the room.

"I was thinking. How DARE you interrupt my thoughts Superbi Squalo," she hissed, her grip on her saber getting tighter. "What?" she glared at the man as he looked at her in surprise. "Did you really think I wouldn't recognize the man who assisted in the assassination of one of my beloveds?"

Before Squalo could answer, Levi grabbed a knife on the kitchen counter and charged at the woman. "FOR THE BOSS!" he yelled, Madonia simply side stepping and lifting her leg up high, kicking the back of his neck hard.

"Hmph. A weakling without your weapons I suppose," she drawled, flicking her hair behind her shoulders impatiently. She then spun round to slash at Lussuria who had sneaked up behind her with an intention of defeating her with his Muay Thai Boxing. The man let out a hiss of pain and was about to punch at her when she smacked his stomach hard with the handle of her saber, Lussuria coughing up blood and falling to his knees in pain. Madonia kicked him away from her, his body smacking into the nearby wall hard. Squalo gritted his teeth. This woman did not rely upon her flames to fight like how it was ten years ago thus having incredible physical strength. She was a professional killer like them but it was so, so different. Next to him he heard Bel get out his knives, Fran stepping backwards away from the fight. Physical combat like this wasn't his way of doing things and he really didn't want to get in the way of this ferocious battle…

"I'm not interested in you," Madonia pointed at Squalo with her sword, glaring at him slightly. "I know all of your techniques already. No, I'm much more interested in this boy…" her mouth curled into a cruel smile as she looked at Bel, whipping her sword through the air quickly. "So why don't you wait for your turn, Squ-chan was it?" she laughed as Squalo bit his tongue to stop himself from shouting at her as so to anger her further.

"Ushi shi shi~ the prince is fine with that," Bel told her and the two began to circle each other menacingly. It was eventually Bel who broke the stand off and threw a few knives at her, the woman simply brushing them aside with her saber as if they were mere flies. The blonde then threw another knife at her making her jump to the left, a smile then appearing on his face. But before what he had planned to happen could occur, Madonia threw her head backwards, skidding along the floor. A small cut adorned her face as she turned back to Bel, her pretty facial features twisted into a snarl.

"Wires," she hissed. "Not nearly as interesting as I thought you would be after all."

The blonde growled slightly at her comment as a group of men entered the room, each holding their machine guns and circling Squalo, Levi and Lussuria, Elizabeth invisible to them behind a counter. "VOOOII! What is this?" Squalo roared, clutching the black file tighter.

"Well, when I am done with this suddenly boring fellow I want to face you all one on one. Otherwise it would be unfair ne?" Madonia grinned, showing off her white teeth.

"Boring fellow?" Bel felt his anger rise slightly and ran at the room, brandishing his knives dangerously.

"VOOOII! YOU IDIOT!" Squalo howled as Madonia's sword slashed at Bel's leg making him wince in pain and stagger slightly, the woman twisting her body round to kick him but not before he could flick his wrist as so to trap the sword in his wires and fling it away from her. He grinned, pleased with his idea to do such a thing. Unfortunately he had forgotten that Madonia was proficient and hand to hand combat and whilst he tired to jump backwards, he was kicked in his injured leg whilst still in mid air. Bel swore and used his good leg to try and hit her away whilst he flipped backwards however, although she moved away, he knew it wasn't because of his attacks and instead because she wished to retrieve her sword.

"Have I become so weak?" he thought, swearing softly again. "Was I relying on flames so much?"

He could tell even from the few blows they had exchanged she was way out of his league. Then again, that would be expected from a woman that Squalo had obvious respect for. Suddenly he felt his left arm explode with pain and looked down to see three wires cutting into it, He followed the wires along to see Madonia who was moving her sword accordingly to make it so that he would be injured. "Pay attention _boy_," she told him mockingly as Bel began to laugh.

"Ahhhh, my royal blood has been spilled!" ha giggled and staggered about slightly, staring at his blood coated arm. He had not gone into this strange mindset beforehand for he could not see the red liquid throbbing from his body before but now…he cut the wires around his arm in one swift movement, releasing both his arm and Madonia's sword. Madonia whistled as Bel's jerky movements became more unreadable, him suddenly throwing knives at her before throwing punches at her that never connected. "But…playtime is over."

She suddenly threw her sword at Bel who ducked, not being able to react in time when she suddenly appeared in front of him and kneed him in the stomach. He was hit against a nearby table, Madonia walking over to him and pulling her sword out of the same piece of furniture, splinters flying at the sheer force she used. "Bel…chan…." Lussuria managed to say, coughing up a little more blood.

"VOOOIII! YOU IDIOT!" Squalo yelled again as Madonia raised her sword.

"Bye kiddo," she sang as she brought it down…suddenly a stiletto flew through the air, past Madonia's face and embedding itself in the wall. She span around to see Elizabeth who, in her hand, was holding a cup of tea.

"Stilettos. Every girl should have a pair," she proclaimed, grinning widely. Now, let me explain what had happened whilst nobody was looking:

Elizabeth, who had been withering around on the floor due to her deprivation of tea, had accidentally knocked into the counter that hid her from Madonia's men, which had caused a single teabag to fall on her head. Upon smelling the thing she became energized for a moment and, being the awesome person she was, MADE TEA WITHOUT ANYBODY SEEING HER AT ALL. And, to top it all off, before she had even taken a sip of the tea, she found motherfucking biscuits. Oh yes, she was in heaven right now. And quickly brought down to earth by seeing her captain on the verge of death. That was right, the world was out to get her depressed. She then realized that she still had her shoes of death on her person! And so, naturally, she threw them at Madonia. Because that is the natural thing for an assassin to do rather than shoot her with her gun. She was a fricken genius. Full stop.

"Ooh~" Madonia kicked Bel away, interest sparkling in her eyes. "You intrigue me girl. And I have no idea who you are."

"I am awesome," Elizabeth replied instantly.

"You are an idiot," the rest of the Varia members excluding Lussuria replied.

"I DARE YOU TO SAY THAT AGAIN!"

Madonia swirled her saber around expertly, humming as she watched Elizabeth yell at her subordinates and reassure Lussuria that she was okay. She had had her tea and biscuits thus EVERYTHING MUST BE ALRIGHT! "Well, let's see how much on an idiot you actually are then."

The girl barely had time to block her ferocious attack with her sword using her gun as Madonia swung her blade ate her with every intention of killing her. Madonia then moved her leg to kick but was surprised when Elizabeth grabbed her wrist holding her sword and twisted, making her jerk away. "VOOOII! Why didn't you just shoot her! YOU IDIOT!" Squalo yelled at Elizabeth who ignored him, eyeing her opponent thoughtfully.

"Your movements are better than those people," Madonia remarked, also ignoring the loud swordsman. "You don't rely as much on your flames as they do now do you girl?"

Elizabeth grinned slightly. "Now I wonder…" she stretched her hand into the back of her dress and took out…a katana.

Silence.

"Cute-sempai, did you have that there the whole time?" Fran asked her.

"I keep a lot of things on my person," Elizabeth told him seriously.

"…I thought as much."

"VOOOIII! HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IT DOWN THE BACK OF YOUR DRESS?" Squalo roared in disbelief.

"…Tea."

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!"

"FOR THE TEA GOD!" Elizabeth suddenly charged at Madonia and slashed upwards, the woman simply stepping backwards to avoid the attack. But the girl wasn't finished there, oh no. She let the sword drop out of her hands before kicking it upwards with her bare right foot, almost slicing Madonia's nose off. But still, the woman avoided it, this time by springing backwards. Elizabeth then caught the katana with her left hand and slashed downwards diagonally. Time seemed to slow down as blood spurted from Madonia's body, the woman's shocked expression completely and utterly priceless. She staggered backwards, the thick red liquid pouring through her white shirt. "MUWHAHAHAHA! I AM AWESOME!" Elizabeth shrieked manically, everyone else staring at her in disbelief.

"Hmph. As expected from a user of the Sei Spade Arte," Madonia coughed out, standing up straight despite the obvious pain. "Give them six swords and you are dead. Give them only one and you'll be killed one hundred times over. You had a very good master girl."

Squalo's mouth dropped open. This was just…impossible. Elizabeth was skilled, he would admit at least that, but even if you discounted her insanity and stupidity, she was way too young to be this good! But then again, what Madonia had said was true. When Elizabeth trained with her swords she usually used no flames, he had seen her sparring against Bel and only the blonde used his storm flames at any point during this practice, keeping herself from relying on her flames. "She is scary…" he thought as Elizabeth and Madonia began to fight again, the latter's movements becoming slower due to her injury.

"It seems I have gotten worse," Madonia eventually spat out, exhausted. Elizabeth on the other hand seemed to still have a lot of energy left to spare. Thus was the power of tea and biscuits. YAY! "Tell me, who was your master?"

"The tea god," Elizabeth stared of into the distance dramatically.

"...Be serious girl."

But Elizabeth being Elizabeth, she did not listen to Madonia's complaint at all and instead started to make some toast instead. Wait…she was making something other than tea? Everyone in the Varia all stiffened. Oh no, it wouldn't…would it?

BOOM!

…It did.

"VOOOOII! THIS IS WHY WE DON'T LET YOU DO ANYTHING APART FROM MAKE TEA!" Squalo yelled as he caught Madonia's men by surprise and knocked them away before running out of the room, the rest of the Varia members rushing after him.

"Oh, it was nothing beating up that professional assassin. I don't deserve any praise," Elizabeth scowled at him, her ripped cocktail dress drenched in her opponents blood. "NEXT TIME YOU DRESS UP AS THE LADY!"

"VOOOOOIIII! I WOULD BE BETTER THAN YOU EVEN IF I DID!" he howled, the group rounding another corner with Madonia's men right behind them.

"Well, even without sex appeal, you are more womanly than me I guess…"

"FUCK YOU!"

They burst out the mansions front door and then suddenly stopped. "…Is that…" Fran began but stopped midway through his sentence, everyone apart from Elizabeth nodding their heads. "And she is…"

Another chorus of nods.

"THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL!" Elizabeth clasped her hands together, squealing happily. "I NEED TO HUG THEM FOR THE SAKE OF EVERYTHING CUTE AND CUDDELY!"

"…Servant. They really will kill you."

"KILL ME?" Elizabeth looked at him in horror. "BUT HOW COULD SOMETHING SO CUTE HARM ANYTHING?" she pointed at the herd of polar bears in front of her, all of them growling and one having a very annoyed certain little English spoilt brat slung over their back.

"HOW DARE YOU CALL THEM CUTE? THEY TRIED TO KILL ME! I DEMAND THAT THEY BE EXECUTED!" Lily Rosenatta screeched.

"Not…cute?"

"ELIZA-CHAN, STOOOP!" Lussuria restrained the girl as she brandished her katana angrily at Lily. HOW COULD SHE EVEN SUGGEST THAT THE POLAR BEARS WERE NOT CUTE! Complete and utter BLASPHEMY! SHE DESERVED TO DIE! Bel sighed and walked over to the brunette, picking her up by the back of her dress and simply walking off towards the rickshaw, the girl struggling in midair angrily.

"Put me back! Abusive co-worker! ABUSIVE CO-WORKER!" she screamed. "I HAVE AN AWSOME SWORD AND I SHALL USE IT TO ACHIEVE MY RIGHTEOUS JUDGEMENT!"

Fran placed a cup of tea in the girl's hand and, as if by reflex, she drank it all in one go.

"Oh tea, my love, never leave my side~!" she sang, rubbing the teacup against her face lovingly before looking around herself and blinking. "Whoa, polar bears? In Italy? SEEMS LIKE THE PLOT OF AN AWESOME MOVIE!"

"She…she is such an idiot," Squalo half whimpered as he clambered into the Rickshaw, Madonia's men finally appearing. "VOOOIII! LEVI! BOSS IS BEING RAPED BACK AT THE BASE!"

Yes, Squalo had just stolen that idea from Elizabeth. And yes, she was suing. MUWHAHAHA, HIS MONEY WOULD BE HERS! ALL HERS!

…Apparently she was a small Mammon wannabe too.

"BOOOOOSSSSSSS!" Levi jogged on the spot for a few moments, building up speed before he was to drag the Rickshaw all the way back to HQ.

"WAIT!" Madonia stumbled out of the mansion, reaching her hand out to Elizabeth. "Girl, come back!"

Elizabeth turned to her and simply smiled before Levi began to run and super speed, leaving only a cloud of dust in his wake. Madonia swore to herself, clutching her bleeding chest in agony. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. How could she have let her get away?"

"But what if it's her and I let them get away?" she thought miserably. "What if she's the girl in that file?"

_At Varia HQ_

"So are you going to open that file that YOU SO CONVENIENTLY GOT INSTEAD OF MY TEA?" Elizabeth asked Squalo, glaring daggers at his back as she drank some tea. Yes, that was a literal observation. Nobody could stop her now she had unlocked the power of telekinesis, NOBODY! And, naturally, the nearby Xanxus who had gotten over his hangover, approved. Not because of the telekinesis, but because of the tea. THE SENSE IT MAKES!

"VOOOIII! Don't tell me what to do!" Squalo roared.

"...You are going to do it anyway aren't you?"

"VOOOOOIIII!"

"Ushi shi shi~ hurry up and do it then," Bel ordered, his left arm and leg both having been healed earlier by Lussuria. HURRAY FOR SUPER SPARKLY SUN POWERED PEACOCKS! …Somehow that sounded terribly wrong.

"That's right! Don't leave us in suspense!" Lussuria insisted, nodding his head furiously.

"That's right longhaired commander. We might all die from not finding out what happens next in the story," Fran droned.

"VOOOIII! IT'S A FUCKING FILE, NOT A STORY!" Squalo roared.

"Hurry up and read it for the boss's sake!" Levi growled, drawing his parabolas. Oh how he had missed his weapons and uniform Xanxus himself had designed for the Varia! Yes, Xanxus had a degree in textiles. And yes, all those years ago he too made dresses for dolls. But that was in the past. Along with his aspiration to become a stripper. NOW I promise never to remind you of that mental image again.

"For the first time I AGREE WITH YOU LEVI!" Elizabeth shrieked. "But it doesn't mean I like you. I still hate your guts. Tea murderer."

"Trash," Xanxus glared at Squalo. "Fucking read it."

"VOOOIII! Okay, okay! I'll read the stupid file!" Squalo roared.

"I thought you said it was important Squ-chan?"

"VOOOOOOIIIII!" he snatched the black file off the nearby dining table, muttering incoherent insults at his subordinates. "Eh?" he stared at the object, his eyes wide. "It's locked."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, flicking her legs up onto the table. "Squ-chan, are you that feeble in your old womanly age that you can't open a simple file?" she drawled, waving her hand in the air nonchalantly.

"VOOOIIII! I AM NOT A WOMAN OR OLD!" they shouted, throwing the file at her. "Try and open it if you are so smart!"

Everyone else apart from Xanxus peered over the brunettes shoulder as she peered at the object closely. But, true to Squalo's word, there was a small key hole in the file and was impossible to open, even when Fran tried to use his awesome pick pocketing skills. Unfortunately for them, Fran's pick pocketing skills were only at 25. OH THE HUMANITY! I mean, game-anity… "So…what are we going to do?"

Silence.

It was official: a simple black file had outwitted the top members of the Varia. Shit.

**Extra: Beau-tea and the Beast (Yes, I used this joke before. Deal with the repeated-ness. DEAL WITH IT!)**

Once upon a time lived a handsome young prince who lived in a beautiful castle with his hundreds of servants.(Bel: Ushi shi shi~ a role worthy for a prince. However this prince despite having everything he could ever desire was spoiled, selfish and unkind. (Fran: Fits Fake prince sempai perfectly. Bel: Die froggie) One cold rainy night an old beggar woman (Squalo: VOOOOOIIII! I AM NOT AN OLD WOMAN!) begged the prince to give her shelter in exchange for a beautiful rose. But the prince turned them away because of their ugly looks (Squalo: VOOOIII! I AM NOT UGLY! Elizabeth: …Just keep telling yourself that Squ-chan. Squalo: VOOOOIIII!), the old woman then telling them wisely that he should not be fooled by her looks for beauty lies within. (Elizabeth: Yes. Even YOU had an attractive young woman waiting to burst out! Squalo: FUCK YOU!) The prince still turned them away though, the old woman as a revealing her true appearance as a result: a gorgeous enchantress (Elizabeth: YAY! Squ-chan found his sex appeal! Squalo: SHUT UP!). Terrified, the prince tried to appease her (Bel: …You still look ugly peasant. Squalo: VOOOIII! THAT'S IT!) but she already knew that his heart could hold no love (Fran: I second this. Bel: DIE.) and transformed him into a beast along with cursing all of his servants to become household objects (Lussuria: NOOO! I'M A TEAPOT! Elizabeth: …WHY CAN'T I BE A TEAPOT! Fine, at least let me be a teacup! Fran: About that… Elizabeth: You cruel and heartless four-year-old child. Fran: I've gotten younger again… Levi: Why am I a…clock? ME: For the boss's sake. Levi: FOR THE BOSS! Me: Hee hee, sucker… Xanxus: Why am I a fucking candelabra? Me: Because there wasn't a choice for you to be a wine glass… Elizabeth: What's a candelabra? Everyone: Idiot.)!

The enchantress then gave him a mirror to see the world around him and a flower that will bloom until his twenty first birthday. (Bel:…Why are you giving the prince this? Squalo: VOOOII! WHY THEY HELL SHOULD I KNOW?) If he did not love and be loved in return before all of the petals of the rose had fallen then he would remain a beast forever! (Fran: Oh no. Bel-sempai is going to be a beast forever for sure…not much difference from usual. Bel: THE PRINCE WILL KILL YOU!)

Time passed as it does and in a nearby town there lived a beautiful young woman named Belle (Elizabeth: WOOOHHOOO!) who lived with her father Maurice, an inventor (Spanner: What's going on?). Although Belle was perfectly content with her life she found herself dreaming of a future outside the village and do things like the people in her books did (Elizabeth: To leave the village and to create a tea paradise! Fran: Cute-sempai, what kind of book do you actually read?) Her great beauty however attracted much unwanted attention and was pursued by many men in the village, the most determined being Gaston (Raisel: Ushe she she~ I am a future king, why would I pursue such an ordinary looking girl? Elizabeth: …Captain, why, have you changed your hairstyle? Raisel: I am not your captain. Elizabeth: Sure you aren't…captain.). He was the local town's arrogant hunter (Raisel: Ushe she she~ it seems the author is mistaken. I am king, not a hunter. Elizabeth: Captain, why have you changed your laugh? Raisel: Like I said peasant, I am not your captain. Elizabeth: HEY! I LEVELED UP!) and admired by practically all of the female population of the town, especially a trio of girls nicknamed the Bimbettes. (Haru: Hahi? But my heart belongs to Tsuna-san! Kyoko: Hmm? What's going on? *Sparkles* Hana: Kyoko…)

However, Belle wasn't interested in such a selfish man and turned him away repeatedly despite his handsome looks (Elizabeth: Do you have tea? Raisel: Ushe she she, why the hell would I have a peasants drink? Elizabeth: No…tea…peasants…drink? *gets out guns* PREPARE TO HAVE MORE THAN JUST REJECTION BASTARD!) preferring someone who was kinder and more selfless over looks. (Fran: Ah. Rejected once again Fake prince-sempai. Raisel: I AM NOT THAT BASTARD!) Gaston, depressed at being turned down again (Raisel: Depressed? This peasant is trying to KILL me. Elizabeth: DIIIIIEEEEEEEEE! AND I LEVELED UP!) sauntered off, leaving the girl in her daydreams about her books. (Elizabeth: He got away? Damn…ah well! BACK TO TEA!)

Meanwhile, Maurice was on his way to a fair but once taking a twisty route through a forest he found himself being chased by a pack of wolves. (Spanner: It was on purpose. I wanted to see how wolves moved to improve the Moska's. Me: Perfectly natural of course. Lupo: *wags tail* Elizabeth: B-but Lupo isn't a wolf! Everyone: Idiot…) Terrified (Spanner: Their movements are impressive…) the man rode his horse faster and faster through the trees until finally stumbling across a huge and beautiful castle. It was there he was found by Lumière the candelabra (Xanxus: What kind of fucking name is that? Me: *hides under desk*), Cogsworth the clock (Levi: What kind of fucking name is that? Me: *gets out from under desk* for some reason, you didn't have the same effect as Xanxi-chan…), Mrs. Potts the teapot (Lussuria: OMG! WHAT A CUTE NAME! I'm loving it honey! LOVING IT!) and Chip the teacup. (Fran: Why Chip? Me: …I dunno. Fran: Such a difference from usual…) They led Maurice to the Beast (Spanner: …Hello. Bel: …Hi. Me: ..Awkward silence…) who ordered for the man to be imprisoned. (Spanner: We haven't ever met before. Why would you treat me like this? Bel: …Because I am a prince? Spanner: Right…).

However it was not long before Maurice's horse found Belle and led her to the castle where her father was being kept. Rushing over to him, she glowered at the Beast slightly (Elizabeth: CAPTAIN! FOR CALLING ME A PEASANT AND COMITTING THE HORRENDOUS CRIME OF CALLING TEA AND PEASANTS DRINK I SHALL DESTROY YOU! Bel: Ushi shi shi~ what are you on about? Elizabeth: Oh, you changed you hair and laugh again… Bel: What? Elizabeth: ANYWAY! BACK TO THE KILLING!) as she helped him to his feet. Upon being told her father was being kept prisoner she was horrified, and pleaded with the Beast to change his mind. Eventually she half screamed: "Let me switch places with him! Let me take his place!"

The beast thought for a moment before smiling, showing off his wicked teeth. "Ushi shi shi~ then so be it."

"No Belle! No!" Maurice' yelled, reaching out for his daughter but he was quickly thrown out of the castle and back into the woods. Gritting his teeth, he ran away, vowing to bring back help for her. (Spanner: After I finish the plans for the newest Moska… Elizabeth: Wow. You are such a good father. I mean…wow. Spanner: I'll bring back tea too. Elizabeth: I LOVE YOU! YOU ROCK!) Upon arriving back at the town he burst into the tavern that Gaston was currently in, depressed over being rejected by the beautiful Belle once again (Raisel: For the final time, I AM NOT DEPRESSED!). Quickly he told all of the men there about what had happened to his daughter but all of them think he had lost his mind. (Spanner: My daughter has been taken away by an ugly beast who has talking household objects and I need to go make new plans for a Moska before going to go save her. Oh, and I need tea. Raisel: …What?)

Whilst this was happening the Beast demanded for Belle to dine with him but the beautiful woman refused, not wishing to have any part with this selfish creature. (Elizabeth: You called tea something that only peasants drink! Bel: Ushi shi shi~ what are you on about?) Furious, the Beast sent her away to her room, ordering Lumière to not allow her to eat anything. (Elizabeth: AHA! I can survive without food once a put my mind to it! Bel: Don't let her have any tea either. Elizabeth: Y-you MONSTER! Squalo: VOI! He's called the Beast! What else did you expect? Elizabeth: NOOOOO! NOT MY TEEEAAAAA!) However the candelabra took pity on her (Xanxus: *spits out alcohol*) and gave her food (Xanxus: *throws tea at Elizabeth* don't expect this charity again scum. Elizabeth: Boss. I love you. Marry me. Ditch that tea murderer Levi. Ditch him now. Fran: Ah, indirect rejection Fake prince-sempai. Bel: *throws knives at him* DIE.). He then led her to Cogsworth (Levi: Boss! Elizabeth: We are here to inform you of our marriage. Levi: ...isugbx;bv *dies* Xanxus: *smirks*) who took them on a tour of the castle. (Levi: Get your hands off the boss NOW! Elizabeth: He gave me tea. Why would I ever let him go? Fran: Re-je-ct-ed. Bel: I will actually murder you if you say one more word froggie.) But the clock refused to let her enter one specific room so, once they left her alone (Lussuria: Ara~? Levi-chan, why have you fainted? Levi: B-boss…no... Lussuria: ?) Belle felt her curiosity explode and entered the forbidden West wing.

"B-beautiful…" she whispered upon seeing the glimmering red rose counting the days until the Beasts 21st birthday, not that she knew this of course. Edging towards the glass case that was covering the flower, a sudden growl filled the room and she span around to see the livid Beast, his eyes narrowed.

"What are you doing in here?" he bellowed, Belle cowering slightly in fear. "Who let you in?"

"I-I let myself in!" she squeaked, terrified.

"GET OUT!" the Beast marched towards her but the woman, so scared of him, screamed, running out of the room and outside to where her father's horse was waiting patiently. Mounting it quickly, she rode off but soon found herself surrounded by wolves (Elizabeth: LUUUPPPPOOOO! But you still aren't a wolf!). Her eyes widened with fear and she screamed, her horse jerking in surprise and accidently causing her to fall off onto the ground. Crying out in pain, she scrambled round to see a wolf jump at her, it's teeth bared menacingly. (Elizabeth: Down Lupo! DOWN DAMMIT!) She lifted her arm up in an attempt to protect herself but the animal never reached her as none other than the Beast took the blow for her. (Elizabeth: Meh. I still don't forgive you for the tea peasant incident. Bel: …I have more tea back at the castle. Elizabeth: Boss. We are breaking off our engagement. I'm marrying Captain instead. Bel: *smirks at Fran* Fran: Oh, so you are happy about not being rejected? I never knew you two were so close... Bel: Fuck you.) Belle watched in amazement as the Beast fought off the wolves (Elizabeth: NOT LUPO! LUUPPPPOOOOOOO!) to protect her. After the two returned to the castle, Belle nursed her saviors wounds, realizing that he was not as selfish as she had first thought (Fran: No, he is still selfish. Bel One more word and I shall actually rip you apart froggie!). It was then that the Beast, upon gazing at her fraught with worry face though still beautiful, that he was beginning to develop feelings for her (Elizabeth: …I may be awesome and sexy but that was…really quick. Bel: Ushi shi shi~ Is that what you say to someone who just saved your life? Elizabeth: …Yes. Fran: You are weird Cute-sempai… Everyone: You just realized?). As a result, he allowed her access to the castle's library, (Squalo: No, we are NEVER going back there!) Belle practically beaming with joy as a result. With this new development, the two became good friends, both enjoying literature immensely. (Fran: So, what is your favorite genre? Bel: Murders and tragedy's. Elizabeth: Tea romances. Fran: Cute-sempai, that isn't a genre…)

However, in the nearby town the spurned Gaston (Raisel: Ushe she she~ how can the king be rejected when he didn't even like the peasant girl? Elizabeth: I thought I told you I LEVELED UP! Raisel: What the hell are you on about?!) paid the local warden for the insane asylum to have Maurice committed if Belle did not agree to marry him. (Lussuria: NO INCEST! Raisel: I AM NOT THIS PEASANT GIRL'S BROTHER! Lussuria: Bel-chan! Be nicer to your sister Eliza-chan! Elizabeth: YEAH! Raisel: GAAAAAH!) Back at the castle however Belle and the Beast are sharing a romantic evening together, the woman dressed in a beautiful yellow dress whilst the latter was in a blue formal wear. The Beast is then told by Belle that she misses her father and he passes her his mirror to show him to her. However instead of Maurice's happy smiling face (Spanner: New plans for Moska. Happiness at max :) ) she saw him lying in a forest and dying, his attempt to rescue her having been cut short. (Spanner: The Moska…I didn't have enough parts for it!) She pleaded with her new friend to allow her to go help him and the Beast agreed, giving her his mirror to remember him by. As he watched her leave, a distant look of happiness on his face made Lumière look at him.

"Oi. You love her don't you?" the candelabra asked them making him flush instantly and turn away. After a few moments he answered, obviously embarrassed even so.

"Yes. The prince does." (Lussuria: INCEST! GAHJVFPOIBF *dies* Fran: *claps*)

Belle managed to find her father and bring him home safely but it was then that Gaston arrived to carry out his plan to force the beautiful girl to marry him. (Raisel: Stupid peasant author! The king doesn't want to marry her! Fran: But you just confessed your love for her. Raisel: No I didn't! Elizabeth: I have the feeling something is going on… Spanner: …*works on laptop*) He insisted to the crowd outside that Maurice was insane (Raisel: If anyone is insane it's the peasant girl! *points at Elizabeth* Elizabeth: *In kitchen making tea* TEA! TEA! T-E-A! TEEEAAAA~! Raisel: The king rests his case.) by telling them about how he had said that Belle, who was right there, had been kidnapped by a monster! Belle, furious with his accusations and knowing that the Beast was actually kind-hearted, showed them the magic mirror showing her friend, proving Gaston wrong. Realizing that Belle must have some feelings for the beast, the arrogant man was outraged and aroused the mobs anger at the Beast, insisting he was a man-eating monster. Promising that he would lead them to the castle, he locked Belle and Maurice in the basement, shouting that no other man could have the beautiful woman. (Raisel: The king doesn't want her! Fran: But you said you loved her. Raisel: I DIDN'T!) But all was not lost for Chip had hidden themselves in Belle's luggage (Fran: Hey.) and used one of Maurice's inventions to free them. (Spanner: *To Elizabeth* Tell him that he remote for the Strau Moska is on the desk. I need to keep working. Oh and, do not press the red button at any cost. Elizabeth: FRAN! THE REMOTE FOR THE STRAU MOSKA IS ON THE DESK! Um, what was he said next…oh yeah! DO PRESS THE RED BUTTON AT ANY COST! Fran *presses button* Strau Moska: Self destruction initiated. Fran: …)

Meanwhile at the castle the mob had arrived, the rest of the servants turned into house hold objects fighting them back (Lussuria: TASTE A MOTHERS LOVE FOR THEIR CHILDREN! Xanxus: Die scum. Levi: FOR THE BOOOOOSSS!) whilst Gaston looked for the Beast. (Bel: Y-you are alive? Raisel: Ushe she she~ you didn't really think the king would die so easily little brother?) The two began to duel but the Beast was too depressed to fight back, thinking Belle had abandoned him. Suddenly the doors to the balcony swung open and Belle burst out with her father Maurice (Bel: Good. You can help me. Elizabeth: … Bel: Ushi shi shi~ what is wrong servant? Elizabeth: T-two captains…*faints* Raisel: Ushe she she~ she was a lot of help wasn't she dear brother? Bel: …Shut up.) and the Beast regained his will to fight! After a while, he finally won the battle but spared Gaston's life, demanding he left the castle and never returned. (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ the prince wins again!). However, before he could reunite with Belle, Gaston, who could not accept his defeat (Raisel: The king never loses!) stabbed the Beast in the back but lost his balance and fell off the balcony to his death. (Elizabeth: One of the captains killed the other…AH WELL! Survival of the fittest is natural of course! Everybody *Sweat drop*) As the beast succumbed to his wounds and fell to the floor, Belle rushed over to him, tears streaking her face as she knelt down to stroke his face.

"Don't die…" she managed to choke out. "You can't die…" she buried her face in his neck. "I love you." (Elizabeth: I do? Fran: Apparently.)

And with her words, the magical spell placed on the Beast was broken, just in time too as the final petal was falling to the ground. Belle watched in amazement as he turned into a handsome prince once again (Elizabeth: Bored now. Want tea.), the prince grinned at her before hugging the woman. "I love you too," he whispered in her ear as he lifted his face to his lips (Elizabeth & Bel: Nononononono!) and kissed her. (Elizabeth & Bel: WE DIDN'T KISS. Me: Denial…*runs as fast away as I can*) It was then that the household objects reverted back to their original states and rushed to the ballroom where the prince and Belle were dancing happily together, the woman's father watching on with approval. (Spanner; Their movements…I can use it for my Moska plans.) And they all lived happily ever after. Except Gaston who died a miserable death.

**Squalo: VOOI! Why is that stupid author screaming about her jaw?**

**Fran: Ah. Because, I quote ,"Some fucking idiot through a fucking netball in my fucking face and I'm going to get a fucking bruise now!"**

**Lussuria: LANGUAGE! You are only three!**

**Fran: I'm even younger…**

**Discoabc: This is why boys shouldn't play netball! I mean, another time I played netball with a boy they accidentally tripped me up, I fell on my elbow and I had to go to stupid HOSPITAL. Rant, rant, rant…**

**Fran: We apologize to any boys who are reading this and might be offended by author-san's accusation.**

**Discoabc: …And what is with the boys in my Maths class DESTROYING my rubber? Hello, I NEED IT FOR DAMN ART! **

**Lussuria: Oh my, she is really mad…**

**Discoabc: …And yes, it might be more easy for you to just throw a rubber to me when I need to use somebody else's but WHY DID YOU THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO THROW MY FRIENDS HUGE ONE USED "FOR REALLY BIG MISTAKES"? Yes, I'm talking to you Mr. I-share-nearly-every-class-with-you-and-I-shall-tell-you-about-your-long-hair-everyday-even-though-you-know-how-long-it-is! **

**Lussuria: Um, Discoabc-chan-**

**Discoabc: And ANOTHER thing, you Mr. Playing-with-your-hair-because-it-is-long, do it again AND I WILL POUR WATER ALL OVER YOU.**

**Lussuria: Discoabc-chan!**

**Discoabc: AND NO, I AM NOT GOING TO DO YOUR HOMEWORK FOR YOU SO STOP ASKING!**

**Lussuria: DISCOABC-CHAN!**

**Discoabc: Okay, I'll stop.**

**Raisel: Ushe she she~ why is my brother and the peasant girl lying on the floor and bleeding?**

**Discoabc: …I needed to take my anger out on something.**

**Raisel: …*goes off the Millefiore base***

**Fran: Please review before author-san starts ranting again.**

**Discoabc: And ANOTHER thing…**

**Fran: Ah, too late…**

**Discoabc: P.S. I kind of made Eliza-chan seem stupidly strong an over powered in this chapter but it's because everyone else wasn't able to use their flames so usually she would get beaten by the other members. Apart from Levi of course...**


	15. I am your father

**Hey guys! I know I should have updated sooner with some of you guys screaming at me about what the hell was in that black file *evil smirk* but I was rushing around and putting fake cobwebs everywhere for Halloween. I kid you not, I got high from doing that so now out house looks like nobody has lived in it since **_**forever**_**…we also put all of the paintings crooked. Nobody shall actually see this from outside actually ON Halloween but still, it's for the whole atmosphere…by the way, I got 100% on my German test. I literally was bouncing off the walls and screaming…I think I freaked out my teacher…SHOUT OUTS!**

**Fire Tests Silver: Lol at not even being bothered to check up Acrorat's name…is it bad I had to look it up too after having forgotten it as well? XD Don't worry about him, he's probably in hell with devils just prodding him with sticks…I'm not even religious…ignore me please. I had just way too many sweets. Again. WOOHHHOO! My bro's reaction to the big slide was like 'how many people infiltrate that place on a daily basis?' A rule in life: if we don't know where Elizabeth is then we can assume she is making tea. I-I can't have the Bel shirt? …*goes to emo corner* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

**Soul Vrazy: The pudding is yours? NOT IF I CAN HELP IT! *pulls out tank that just happened to fit in my pocket* I DECLARE WAR FOR THE PUDDING! MUWHAHAHAHA! Agreed, dying from lack of oxygen is not uncool. Of course that has never nearly happened to me from laughing too much…*eyes dart suspiciously* **

**Corandice: Glad you liked the last chapter? I agree with you COMPLETELY on Elizabeth being weird and crazy but the awesome factor? High five me. Because high fives are also friggen awesome XD**

**Name judaim0'z: NOOO! DON'T DIE! BYAKURAN! GET OVER HERE! Yes, it is another person dying from laughter BUT STOP COMPLAINING! I PAY YOU IN MARSHMALLOWS! I-I feel as if I am somehow awesome after reading your review, I don't know why…XD romance IS coming but it is really eventual because I have gotten to a stage where I just HATE stories that have the lovey dovey part so early on. Don't ask me why. Like you, I have only 0.0001% of my sanity remaining. Oh would you look at that. The percentage just went down to 0. :)**

**LaughterGirl: Elizabeth's love for the Tea God is so great that if they told her not to breath she would obey them…XD Elizabeth should become a tea and biscuit ninja, roaming the darkness and pinching the glorious drink and food from under our noses! Frog Ninja- I mean Fran would also be part of the business as well of course…OMG I was looking up whether you wrote withdrawal right (you did by the way. Well done, have a cookie XD) and my computer had an option that said 'Start speaking'. Me being me I obviously pressed it-OBVIOUSLY-and my computer said in an American accent through my headphone 'WITHDRAWAL'. I screamed…my bro's laughed…damn them…Squalo, its okay to be a girl. Just take a deep breath and admit. Don't worry, we are all behind you on this one (Squalo: VOOOOIII! I WILL KILL YOU!). When I was thinking up the whole diversion thing I just asked myself what would be the most random thing I could do and my first thought was POLAR BEARS! I shouted it out loud as well and my big bro just patted me on the head and said 'it's okay, we are here for you'. Trust me, if YOUR mental image of Xanxus being a stripper and having a textiles degree is scary, my one is fricken terrifying. O.o HUUUUUGGGGLLLLEEEESSS! My homework was beautiful in the end *sniff* I mean, it was the most awesome chocolate bar ever…don't ask about it. Just, don't.**

**KayleeXD: Your comment on your bro…just lol XD I have a cat (I know, SHOCK HORROR) and they are evil but recently they are being really nice…all my family think he is planning something. No, we KNOW he is planning something! I think we ALL understand the issue with Eliza-chan and the sexy lady in the teacup suit…the mental image of Xanxi being a stripper…*falls off chair* I-I may be scarred for life…I know, when I was told babies couldn't fly I just couldn't believe it. All this time I believed in something false…You mean Mammeo and Goldiet of course, the classic Shakes-abc tale of love, betrayal and…err…money loving babies. I love rickshaws now. I haven't ever been in one but I love them. Every time I go on public transport I say 'you know, if this were a rickshaw I was on, my life would be so much more exciting' and then all the passengers just look at me like I'm crazy…AH WELL! Polar bears rock! SAVE THE POLAR BEARS PEOPLE! SAVE THEM! Elizabeth, when you become a princess I sure am hell am moving to live in your kingdom of Tealandia XD Not the teddy bear! ANYTHING BUT THAT! Of COURSE Squ-chan has womanly senses! Why would you ever think to doubt such a thing? And of course, if he lies about tea again, he is getting it *evil smile* only Elizabeth can get away with shouting "I'M AWESOME" when somebody asks who she is…because she is…watch how the Varia in this chapter are STILL outsmarted by a file XD Everyone is just saying that Spanner is cool after I mentioned him…not that he isn't…he's awesome…well, my last word is RADIOACTIVE MARSHMALLOWS! Oh wait, that's two…**

**LoStInIlLuSiOn: First thought: OMG, I WAS TYPING YOUR PEN NAME FROM MEMORY-MY MEMORY BEING TERRIBLE-AND I GOT IT RIGHT! WOOOOOHHHHHOOOO! Ahem. I actually want Lussuria's carpet but I would ruin it within five seconds…and Mammon haunting it would be creepy…emoticons rock. Full stop. FULL STOP! Wait, that was an exclamation mark…I know, I know. If only Levi could have stayed dead, the funeral would have been so epic…Yeah, imagining it now in my happy place…it's awesome…XANXI! STOP TRYING TO FUFILL YOUR DREAM OF BEING A STRIPPER NOW! Although I appreciate you are following your dream, WE ARE ENJOYING LEVI'S DEATH! Oh, he's alive…okay, continue. FOOOOOD! Who wouldn't run for food? WHO WOULDN'T? I should set up an Elizabeth-translator on the internet…it would be awesome…Squalo, you should have gotten the tea. I mean, you really should have. REALLY should have. It doesn't matter whether that black file is important to the plot YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN THE TEA! Um…YOU HEARD NOTHING ABOUT THAT FILE! NOTHING! Raisel, Bel, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? Actually, their hairstyle is different…and because of that I like Bel more…SUCK ON THAT BITCH! (Raisel: Ushe she she~ You shall DIE author. Me: …Help?) Everyone is telling me how awesome Spanner is and I agree with you guys but all of you…are in sync…meh. WHATEVER. Waitwaitwaitwait. You mean to tell me Fran ISN'T one years old? Well, this explains a lot! There is one parallel world Byakuran took over where tea doesn't exist. Strangely/not strangely enough, no Eliza-chan lives in that world either…CHOCOLATE! CANDY! CAKE! WOHHHOOOO! …*gives you coffee* now we are all happy. ALL HAPPY!**

**Kuroyume126: Ushi shi shi~ (what am I, Bel?) more about the black file shall be revealed in this chappie :) Glad you found it so funny and like it so much.**

**ShinigamiinPeru: Your views on chocolate cake and tea. Me likes. XD.**

**SPONTANEOUS CHAPPIE WITH IMPORTANT PLOT FOR THE WIN! WOHHHOOO!**

Chapter 15: I am your father.

Plan one to open file: Use Bel's knives to pry it open.

Result: Fail.

Details: Fran managed to annoy the blonde within the five minutes it took for them to think up the plan and thus plan was aborted for Operation Kill Froggy. Operation Kill Froggy also a failure.

Plan two to open file: Use illusions to make a key to open file.

Result: Fail.

Details: Fran didn't feel like cooperating after 'Fake prince-sempai' was rude to him and would do nothing until the boy apologized to him. Operation Kill Froggy now has a new member: Pissed off Sharkie.

Plan three to open file: Use electricity to make lock explode.

Result: Fail.

Details: Xanxus can't stand Levi and threw him out of window. Again. Levi landed in the water fountain. Again.

Plan four to open file: Use sun flames to make the lock grow and grow before exploding

Result: Fail.

Details: Locks aren't living things…

Plan five to open file: Use tea to open the lock with 'THE TEA GOD'S WILL!'

Result: Fail.

Details: No comment.

Plan six to open file: Drown file so that it gives up.

Result: Fail.

Details: Once again Squalo, locks aren't living things…

Plan seven to open file: Shoot with guns so that it opens.

Result: Fail.

Details: Xanxus was beginning to get pissed.

Plan eight to open file: Shoot with even more guns.

Result: Fail.

Details: Elizabeth was beginning to get pissed too.

Plan nine to open file: Run it over with a tank.

Result: Fail.

Details: Not only is the file probably indestructible but now the military is after a certain tea-loving brunette.

Plan ten to open file: Sit on floor and cry.

Result: Fail.

Details: The participants being Squalo and Levi (Levi: BOSS HATES ME! NOOOOOO!Squalo: WHY ISN'T IT WORKING? WHY?)

Bel sighed slightly at the sight of his subordinates as they now argued over which plan was better now, to burn it using storm flames or just go steal the key from Madonia-most going for the flames option despite the fact that if the file was not completely indestructible, it would be destroyed. And because it was just insane. Surprisingly, Elizabeth had not been the one to create that option but she was still sour about the whole 'WHY DIDN'T THE TEA WORK?' episode so right now it was really best to leave her alone. Of course unless you were Levi which in this case we encourage you to go right up to her and tell her all the reasons why you hate tea, the number one of course being that it has a place in Xanxus's heart whilst he doesn't. We shall be watching as you do this with boxes filled with popcorn and 3D glasses on since everything is better in 3D. EVERYTHING.

"BOOOOOOSSSS!"

Oh would you look at that, he actually did it! Now, 3D glasses on people and popcorn at the ready!

SPLASH!

…Somebody really needs to move that water fountain somewhere else.

Elizabeth huffed slightly as she flicked some of her hair behind her shoulders, her green eyes sparkling menacingly. "Anybody else got a problem with tea?" she asked in a harsh whisper, a dark aura surrounding her. The rest of the group shook their heads. Well, everyone apart from Xanxus but everyone knows how much he loves tea so there is really no point asking him to shake his head since that would just be silly/suicidal. YAY! Suddenly Lussuria let out a small shriek of horror.

"OH NO! I HAVE FAILED AS A MOTHER!" he screeched, everyone around him blinking. "I FORGOT TO GO SHOPPING!"

Bel and Elizabeth both exchanged looks of mischievous glee before raising their hands. "We'll g-"

"VOOOOIII! LIKE HELL YOU ARE!" Squalo roared at the two. "The last time you two went shopping you killed everyone in the mall!"

"Well, technically most of the people WERE killed by Levi," Elizabeth pointed out.

"Like anybody gives a fuck about him!"

Oooooh, harsh words Squ-chan. Harsh words.

"Why don't we have a family trip to the department store then?" Lussuria suggested, his look of horror now replaced with a sparkly flowery smile.

"Rejected," Squalo, Fran and Bel said in unison, Xanxus giving a 'do I look like a fucking shop lover' instead.

"I WANNA GO! I WANNA GO!" Elizabeth shrieked, waving her hand around madly. "Can we go buy tea? And tea? AND TEA?"

Lussuria patted her on the head. "If you are a good girl Eliza-chan."

"WOOOOHHOOOOO!"

"Ushi shi shi~ the prince is still not going," Bel announced, now spinning a knife round in his hands. It would take a lot to persuade him to go and he really doubted that Lussuria would be able to live up to his princely standards…

"You can drive us there."

"Which store were you thinking of?" the blonde grinned, holding out his hand for the car keys. Elizabeth let out a small shriek and attached herself to Lussuria's arm.

"YOU CAN'T LET HIM DRIVE!" she yelled, the girly man cocking his head to one side in confusion.

"Why ever not Eliza-chan?"

"Last time we went shopping he…h-he…HE KILLED A BUNNY RABBIT!" the brunette sobbed, burying her face into her 'mother's' arm.

"BEL-CHAN!" Lussuria looked at the boy in horror. "How could you ever DO such a thing? Apologize to your poor traumatized sister NOW!"

"It was a bunny. The prince is not apologizing to such a filthy rodent."

"Then I am sorry but I am going to have to revoke your right to drive!" Lussuria took away the car keys.

"I thought that meant to take away your driving license…" Fran murmured.

"Don't worry about such grown up and complicated things Fran-chan," the man patted him on the head.

"Yes Lussuria-sempai…"

"CALL ME LUSS-NEE!"

Bel glowered at the man from under his bangs. "Then the prince isn't going shopping with you," he proclaimed stubbornly, Lussuria letting out another shriek and now attaching himself to Squalo.

"SQU-CHAN! OUR SON IS GOING THROUGH A REBBELIOUS STAGE!"

"VOOOIII! MY NAME IS NOT SQU-CHAN AND HE IS NOT OUR FUCKING SON!"

"Y-you mean we ADOPTED him?"

"Or he gave birth to him with another man/woman being the father/mother," Elizabeth pointed out solemnly.

"SQU-CHAN! HOW COULD YOU? YOU MONSTER!"

"VOOOOOOOIIII! I AM NOT A FUCKING WOMAN SO HOW CAN I GIVE FUCKING BIRTH?"

"THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!" Lussuria let go of Squalo, a determined look in his eye. "I'm getting a DIVORCE!"

Elizabeth let out a cry of dismay, Fran a monotone gasp of horror, Bel a laugh, Levi a 'BOSS' from the water fountain where in our happiest dreams we imagine he is bleeding to death, Xanxus a grunt of 'get me more tea and booze scum' and Squalo… "Sure. Go ahead."

"B-but you can't do that Luss-nee!" Elizabeth squeaked. "That would just tear our family apart!"

"Actually, I have a confession to make…" Lussuria sniffed, wiping his tears away. "You aren't actually my children!"

Silence.

"OH MY TEA GOD!" Elizabeth fell to the floor in horror whilst the rest of the room simply gave Lussuria a 'we already knew that thanks' look. "T-Then who is our father/mother if you aren't? Whom did Squ-chan get together with?"

"NO ONE!" Squalo howled.

"Don't deny it Squ-chan!" Lussuria yelled, his hand placed to his heart. "We can't hurt our children any longer…WE CAN'T LIE ANY LONGER!"

"VOOOOIII! I'M NOT FUCKING LYING!"

"I-It was…" Lussuria began.

"It was…?" Elizabeth asked expectantly.

"I-It was…"

"It was…?"

"BOSS!"

Silence.

"So…you are telling me that Squ-chan gave birth to us with boss being the father in his heterosexual relationship on the side of your homosexual relationship Luss-nee?" Elizabeth asked seriously. Lussuria nodded. "B-but that's…"

"B-boss is in a relationship with HIM?" Levi asked, his eyes wide. "Boss, tell us it isn't true!"

Xanxus just shot him.

"So…this is somewhat awkward," Elizabeth remarked. "I mean, all this time and we never knew."

The rest of the room said nothing, trying to figure out why their boss wasn't trying to kill them all already. Since Levi being almost killed by Xanxus was so normal that it was now common for them to say when somebody asked where the man was 'oh, he's just dying slowly in the water fountain'. Wait, if their boss wasn't attacking them then what if it was…true? HOLY CRAP! SQUALO REALLY WAS A WOMAN! Not that we ever doubted this of course… "VOOOII! I am NOT a woman!" Squalo hollered.

"…We didn't say anything longhaired commander," Fran pointed out.

"Ushi shi shi~!" Bel began to laugh insanely as so to forget what had just happened. Xanxus and Squalo in a relationship…his not so innocent mind couldn't take it. Poor prince. Don't worry, Elizabeth is here for you. Oh, scrap that, she's gone off to make tea for her newly discovered father Xanxus.

"So…how about we go shopping to strengthen our family bonds?" Lussuria suggested.

"…I thought you were still depressed Lussuria-sempai," Fran murmured in his monotone voice.

"Oh no, I'm not depressed! Or angry! At all! Not at all!" he started to laugh although the laughter sounded strained. "I'm not going to start hyperventilating, oh no I'm not! I'M COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY FINE OKAY?"

"…I would start running if I were you Squ-chan," Elizabeth informed the man wisely as she passed Xanxus his cup of tea solemnly.

"So, ARE WE GOING SHOPPING?"

Even Xanxus nodded his head, slightly disturbed by the I'm-not-freaking-out-at-all-dammit Lussuria.

"Let's go then~!" the man grabbed onto Elizabeth arm and dragged her away, the girl too scared to protest. "Remind me later to buy some shark meat Eliza-chan!"

Squalo almost screamed in fright. Almost. Since, despite having his manly pride-wherever that was-insulted everyday, he still had his dignity!

"We can spend as much as we want too since we have Squ-chan's credit card!"

This time he did scream.

_Later_

The department store they ended up going to was a forty-five minute drive away due to every shop near the Varia HQ locking up as soon as they saw any of the workers from there due to their fear of having their shops destroyed by the crazy assassins. Lussuria was actually the only one who could go clothes shopping without anybody screaming since he was literally the best customer for all of the shops, often only buying an outfit to wear once. After all, as soon as he had worn it, it was already soooo out of season! Apparently nobody else apart from Elizabeth understood his views but I'm guessing you haven't seen the size of her own wardrobe. It was literally a whole new world in there where you were the prey whilst the coat hangers and clothes were the predators. Levi was still having nightmares (serves him right for trying to steal her super awesome tea outfit to use in seducing Xanxus).

Anyway, let me tell you something, having seven people in a land rover, one being a very pissed off and not to mention alcohol deprived Varia boss, one being an almost dead Xanxus fan boy, one being a demanding prince, one being an apathetic frog-ninja, one being a very loud and disturbed sharkie, one being a recently turned shark hater and the last being a tea crazy and a rather trigger-happy girl was not the greatest thing the Varia had experienced. Why was Elizabeth being trigger-happy right now? Levi had mentioned whilst sleep talking that he hated tea more than a certain cow look alike boy from the Vongola family who had apparently raped boss whilst he was at that party the other day. Of course, Xanxus became trigger-happy too and so the land rover acquired some new…air holes. Bel was being demanding since Elizabeth was in no mood to entertain him and he hadn't had any coffee before they went out AKA his caffeine levels were low and the prince _needed his fucking coffee before he started to decapitate random citizens of Italy. _Yes, even the blonde prince got stressed.

Fran on the other hand was simply saying the words 'I don't like this, let's go home' in a monotone voice whilst Squalo said the words 'I'm dead' repeatedly, with the added 'VOI' every now and then. The latter's condition might/definitely have something to do with Lussuria who, whilst driving, was singing out recipes which involved shark meat.

Not disturbing at all…

Eventually, after several gunshots, vast quantities of screaming 'FOR THE TEA GOD' and various other things that made everyone's eardrums bleed; they reached the department store in one piece. Well, mostly in Levi's case, the man still being unconscious. And bleeding. Rather heavily. Remember guys; if anyone asks just say its tomato sauce. And don't even try to persuade Elizabeth its anything other than that. "So…" Lussuria looked at the group around him and smiled. "Where to now?"

"Wine and Spirits section scum," Xanxus demanded.

"Returns section so we can go get rid of Bel-sempai and get something more useful in return," Fran said. Cue knives.

"TEA SHOP!" Elizabeth shrieked.

"Ushi shi shi~ coffee shop," Bel laughed.

"And I would like to go to the shark meat section~!" Lussuria sang evilly.

"VOOOOIII! What the fuck is wrong with all of you?" Squalo yelled. "We have enough damn booze at HQ you shitty boss, we didn't buy Bel so we can't fucking return him Fran, there are no fucking tea and coffee shops you two idiots and for the last time, there are no shark meat sections!"

"Eh, but I see shark meat right over here~!" Lussuria sang, sharpening knives he hadn't been holding a few moments ago. Varia quality much.

"No…tea shops?" Elizabeth began to destroy her mind.

"Ushi shi shi~ the prince will kill this insolent shark," Bel announced loudly.

"I'm sure we can still return him…I have the receipt right here," Fran muttered, holding up a piece of paper reading 'one fake prince purchased'. Cue more knives flying.

"Fucking trash." Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to see Xanxus, his guns out and pointing at the group. "We are going to the fucking booze section."

Well, that was one way to solve the problem.

So the group set off to find this fabled section, Levi being dragged along by Lussuria and having his head hit on the walls every five seconds, a trail of 'tomato sauce' being left in his wake. Why did nobody try to stop the group? Because an alcohol needing Xanxus even with his guns put away was the most terrifying thing in existence. Seriously, babies were crying at the sight of his dark aura. Eventually they reached a lift that would take them up to the top floor where the alcohol was kept and the group piled in. It was then, before Squalo could get in, Lussuria pressed the button to close the door, the other man blinking.

"VOOOOIII! What the fuck are you doing?" he yelled.

"Exercise is good for you Squ-chan~!" Lussuria told him wisely. "See you at the top!"

"VOOOOO-" he was cut off by the elevator doors closing.

"Lussuria-sempai…" Fran began.

"Call me Luss-nee."

"…Aren't there 2000 steps to the top of the building?"

"Squ-chan needs to exercise." Yep, he does. After all, he will be glad for the fact that he is in shape when Lussuria starts chasing him around as so to get his much wanted shark meat. He really will be.

The group in the elevator reached the top quickly as opposed to Squalo who was still jogging up those steps even though he could have just waited for the elevator to come back down-idiot- and, like a true boss, Xanxus lead them right to the wine and spirits section. Whilst the raven haired man bathed in the sight of masses of alcohol, Elizabeth picked up a bottle of Champaign. "Eh, I haven't had any of this for ages…" she murmured to herself, Lussuria gasping.

"But you are only a child Eliza-chan! You shouldn't be drinking such things!" he protested, Bel simply ignoring him and slinging an arm round his lieutenant's shoulder.

"Ushi shi shi~ so the servant has an expensive taste~!" he sang, the brunette nodding furiously.

"Of course! Why else would I drink so much tea?"

"…Because you are British?" Fran suggested.

"STEROTYPICAL VIEW OF BRITISH PEOPLE! BURN IT! BURN IT ALIVE!"

Everyone simply watched as Elizabeth started screaming loudly about how people stereotyping British people as people who just drank tea all day and called other people bloody idiots was completely wrong. Despite the fact that she was exactly like that. Meh. Like she cares. "Sir? You look like you could use some help picking out some wine," a shop attendant smiled at Xanxus, everyone else freezing. A fun fact about Xanxus, he likes his alcohol and he will talk about it for hours if he has already been sufficiently filled up with some beforehand. So having somebody tell him he needed _help_ in picking out some wine was one of the greatest insults you could give him. Another being 'Ahaha, you got beat up by a fourteen year old ten years ago and now he is the boss of the Vongola!'.

Warning: Never say this to Xanxus unless you wish to die. And even if you do wish to die, there are less painful and more peaceful ways to go about it.

All of the Varia members rushed at Xanxus since they still wanted to do a bit more shopping before they were kicked out and pinned him to the floor, Lussuria deciding to deal with the shop attendant. "Ohoho, we are completely fine sir! Don't mind us, we are just having a little group hug! He's their father you know~!"

"Calm down boss!" Elizabeth whispered harshly. "Think of what your wife Squ-chan would say? Actually, scrap that, she would probably just shout 'Voi' but think about what she would say if she was sane! Actually, they would probably still say 'Voi'…Just imagine your wife isn't Squ-chan!"

Xanxus shot her a 'get yourself and the others off me or I shall ignore the fact that we both like tea and simply kill you' look.

"Y-you would ignore the _tea_?"

"Servant, what the hell are you on about?" Bel asked the girl who was now getting off Xanxus, her eyes wide.

"T-The _tea_? The TEA? THE TEA?"

"What about the tea Cute-sempai?" Fran asked her, stretching after having got off the boss too. "Ah, Fake prince-sempai, I know that Levi-sempai is currently out of action and his wife isn't around either but taking advantage of boss in public…" he looked at Bel who was still pinning Xanxus to the ground.

"…Un-cute kohai."

"Yes Fake prince-sempai?"

"Care to repeat what you said again?" Fran swore he heard someone shout 'RUN BITCH RUN!' Or was that Elizabeth holding up a megaphone? Meh. Whatever.

"Bel-chan! Don't bully your younger brother!" Lussuria scolded the blonde as he got off his boss, scowling immensely. "And Eliza-chan! Language!"

"Sorry Luss-nee…"

"Boss, have you decided yet?" Lussuria then asked the man sweetly, Xanxus simply tch-ing.

"Get them to deliver the whole fucking lot trash," he ordered. And trust me, by the end of the week it shall all be gone through Xanxus drinking it (like duh) and throwing it at Squalo's head. Stress relief for the win.

"Will do boss~!" Lussuria laughed before turning to the unconscious Levi. "Would you be a sweetheart and do that for me Levi?"

Levi didn't answer.

"Fine! Be that way!" Lussuria huffed. "Next time I am SO not inviting you to my super secret awesome boss chat sleepover!"

Levi still didn't answer.

"Kids these days huh…" Elizabeth shook her head disapprovingly.

"But Cute-sempai, you are younger than him." Fran pointed out.

"Details, details…LET'S GO GET MAH TEA!"

"Ushi shi shi~ and the prince's coffee," Bel laughed, flinging an arm round Elizabeth as he usually did whilst the group moved into the elevator again. Before the doors closed they watched as Squalo burst onto the scene, drenched in sweat and panting heavily.

"It looks like Squ-chan is cheating on you again…" Elizabeth shook her head. "You two aren't even divorced yet…"

"Voi!" the man yelled weakly. "Where are you guys going now?"

"Bottom floor~!" Lussuria sang, and evil glint coming off his sunglasses. "See you down there!"

And as the elevator doors closed only one thought ran through Squalo's head: fuck my life.

_Later_

After having bought a ton of coffee and even more tea, failing at returning Bel for a more useful thing and making Squalo run up and down the stairs several times, the group found themselves in the weapon section of the department store. Why they had a weapon section, nobody shall ever know AKA it was for badass mafia people who liked shopping but shush nobody is meant to know that. And so, whilst Lussuria was rushing around to find suitable equipment for cutting up his shark meat, insert Squalo scream here, Elizabeth and Xanxus had a father to daughter conversation. About guns. Since that is what fathers and daughters talk about…right?

"Pistols and sub machine guns are good but having rifles with scopes can easily pick off enemies at a distance," Elizabeth drawled confidently, admiring the last weapon in her hands. "It is also a good all rounder and can be used at most ranges with the correct user."

"Fucking shit," Xanxus proclaimed, holding up a shotgun. "Covers a large area with its shots and can rip through your fucking body with the shots."

"Can't be used long distance though."

"Like I give a shit."

"Cute-sempai and boss really like guns don't they?" Fran asked to no one in particular as the two continued to argue over which was better: the rifle or the shotgun.

"VOOOII! If you guys like them so much then why don't you use them?" Squalo yelled though he was genuinely curious to know the answer.

"Shut up trash." Elizabeth and Xanxus snapped in unison before continuing their debate.

"…I wouldn't actually be surprised if they were related," the young illusionist remarked. "They both like tea, they both use guns and they are both pretty violent."

"That isn't possible!" Squalo started laughing but his laughter got quieter and quieter over a short span of time. "…Right?"

"Ushi shi shi~ the servant isn't related to boss at all," Bel stated in an almost off hand fashion, admiring some of the store's daggers.

"Is that a fact or something you dreamt up in an attempt to hide the fact that boss might kill you for flirting with a family member of his?" Fran droned. Cue knives.

"NO INCEST!" Lussuria shrieked. Cue even more knives.

"What the fuck is with everyone calling us siblings?" Bel growled, slightly/majorly pissed.

"But you are!"

"Shut the hell up you perverted freak."

"CAPTAIN! DON'T BE MEAN TO OUR…err…I HAVE A GUN AND I WILL SHOOT!" Elizabeth shrieked, wielding the rifle dangerously.

"Great cover up Cute-sempai," Fran droned, giving her the thumbs up.

"Levi-chan~!" Lussuria sang, skipping up to the man. "Would you be a sweetheart and get that weapon on the top shelf?" he asked, pointing to a box with the words ROCKET LAUNCHER printed boldly on the front. Squalo felt himself being inches closer towards dying.

Levi didn't answer.

"Levi-chan~!"

Levi still didn't answer.

"LEVIATHAN, GET THE WEAPON RIGHT NOW!"

Still no answer.

"Hey, boss…" Elizabeth grinned as Lussuria tried to throttle the still unconscious Levi. "How about we decide which one is better by shooting at a target? The target being named Levi?"

Xanxus loaded the shotgun and fired it at the man instantly, Lussuria only just managing to get out the way.

"…I'll take that as a yes?" Elizabeth loaded her own rifle and aimed carefully at the man before firing, the bullet hitting Levi's piercing and denting it.

"Nice shot Eliza-chan!" Lussuria cheered before smiling darkly at Squalo. "Now, Squ-chan. I believe we have unfinished business to attend to…"

"VOOOOIII! GET THAT FUCKING KNIFE AWAY FROM ME!"

"Never~!"

"Ushi shi shi~ this looks like a fun game," Bel laughed and began to throw the stores daggers at Levi too.

"OI! WAIT YOUR TURN CAPTAIN! I WAS NEXT!"

"Fucking trash. It was my turn."

"VOOOOIIII! GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"Shark meat! Shark meat! Shark meeaaaaaaatttt~!"

A shopping attendant looked on in horror at the scene before him before he felt someone poke his arm and turned to see Fran holding a pistol. "Do you know where the anti-depressants are?"

The man screamed and ran away, Fran simply blinking slightly in confusion.

"Eh, but Lussuria-sempai wanted me to buy the anti-depressants for him…I wonder why Cute-sempai wanted this pistol anyway, she has enough back at HQ…"

Eventually the group were kicked out of the department store when they got enough security guards who weren't scared witless by the group of assassins-this taking a few hours of course since only idiots aren't terrified of the Varia-Lussuria with an even greater longing to have more shark meat, Squalo with some strands of hair cut marginally shorter than the others, Xanxus with a whole load more wine, Elizabeth with a whole load more tea and the satisfaction from having proven rifles were better, Bel with a load more coffee and custom made knives, Fran with the disappointment of not being able to return Bel for something else and Levi with a whole load more bullet holes in him than before. And more 'tomato sauce' on him. An altogether most beneficial experience if I say so myself.

_Later_

"Well, although that shopping trip was fun-"

"VOOOII! Speak for yourself!"

"And highly amusing, we still have a problem," Fran droned as he pointed at the black file. "How do we get it open?"

The room was filled with silence. A rare situation for the group of way too loud assassins.

"I guess getting that key off that Madonia would be the easiest option…" Squalo sighed. HE so wasn't looking forward to that…

"Well, I am not offering up any ideas anymore since this file has been rejected by the Tea God and thus according to my religion I can have no other contact with it," Elizabeth informed the group, crossing her arms stubbornly.

"VOOOII! You just made that up on the spot!" Squalo yelled at her.

"How DARE you suggest such a thing!" the brunette looked at him in horror. "I have always followed this law religiously and the ten tea commandments!"

Bel had the feeling he was going to regret it later but damn was he curious. "Ushi shi shi~ what are these…ten tea commandments?"

"1. I shall have no faith in another god other than the Tea God. 2. I shall not make up any other hot drinks to replace his tea-ness. 3. I must not misuse the Tea God's name. 4. I shall keep the time of making tea holy in every way possible. 5. I most honor our father and mother, tea and biscuits at every chance I get 6. I must murder all those who go against the Tea God's wishes. 7. I shall not commit tea adultery. 8. I must not steal my fellow follower's tea but if they do not follow the Tea God's way of life I am free to do so. 9. I shall not tell lies to the Tea God by using out of date milk or biscuits with my tea. 10. I must not covet any other hot drinks." Elizabeth spoke the commandments quickly from her memory.

"So…you need to murder the black file for going against the Tea God's wishes?" Fran asked her.

"We already drowned it earlier remember?" Elizabeth reminded him. "They have already received their punishment but since they are now undead I must shun them until they come round to the Tea God's ways."

"…You really thought this through didn't you?"

"It is all written in the holy book, the Tea'ran."

"Right…"

Yep, Bel regretted asking the question. Since he violated most of those commandments with his love for coffee. Hopefully Elizabeth wouldn't remember this…wait, why the hell was he taking this so seriously? It wasn't like Tea-ism or whatever his lieutenant called it was real!

…Then again, Elizabeth did sound very convincing…

"To become a Tea-ist you must be baptized in the holy tea and from then on you are in the Tea God's care," Elizabeth continued, now dressed as a teacher and pointing at a blackboard, Lussuria, Xanxus and Fran listening attentively. Wait, XANXUS? "I believe boss was baptized as a baby and as a result is a follower of the Tea God."

"HAHAHAHA!" Squalo burst out laughing. "Our shitty boss follows some phony religion? HAHAHAHAHA!"

Xanxus shot the man. "I like my fucking tea so shut the fuck up."

Well, this wasn't strange at all…

"Tea marriages are carried out by exchanging mugs of the drink made by your partner and vowing to forever make delicious tea for your partner. Tea divorces are carried out through throwing the mugs of tea in your ex-partners face." Elizabeth continued.

"Ne, Eliza-chan?" Lussuria cocked his head to one side. "How do you know so much about Tea-ism?"

Yes, because that is what it is called from now on.

"Because I am a tea prophet."

Silence.

"Anyway, how are we going to open this file?" everyone decided that stopping the conversation there was the best course of action. Even Xanxus who was also a Tea-ist. This was getting way too complicated for just a girl's love of tea…

"Like I said, not helping~!" Elizabeth sang, now dressed in her Varia uniform again, the blackboard having disappeared. I blame Fran. He is a top magician after all.

"We let boss's godly rays force it open!" Levi suggested. I see a Xanxus-ist…

"Oh, so NOW you start speaking!" Lussuria glowered at the man, his hands on his hips. "Well I'll decide to conveniently ignore you next time you need help!"

"Kids these days…" Elizabeth shook her head once again.

"Cute-sempai…how old do you actually think you are?"

"In tea years I'm 127.5."

Don't question it Fran. Don't do it.

"Ushi shi shi~ let's just get the damn key off that Madonia woman," Bel sighed irritably. Honestly, he didn't think he could actually take anymore of Elizabeth's talk about tea!

"VOOOI! I suggested that earlier dammit!" Squalo yelled.

"Shark meat~!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP LUSSURIA!"

"Don't you dare tell me to shut up! SHARK MEAT!"

Everyone watched as Lussuria chased Squalo around, the latter yelling loudly. "Should we stop them?" Fran wondered.

"VOOOOOII! STOP THEM DAMMIT!

"…It's one of those things that they can only figure out on their own," Elizabeth said wisely.

"I SAID STOP THEM!"

"We should never get involved in such relationship problems…"

"VOOOII! LISTEN TO ME DAMMIT!"

Suddenly Elizabeth stood up. "I HAVE AN IDEA!"

"Great. NOW FUCKING HELP ME!"

"An idea about what Eliza-chan?" Lussuria stopped his attack and turned to face the brunette who had a thoughtful look in her face.

"Well…I don't think I should tell you since it would be associating with the black file…" the girl shifted uncomfortably.

"Ushi shi shi~ just tell us servant," Bel who had grown tired of this whole thing, demanded, Elizabeth sighing.

"Okay, my idea is-"

Suddenly the room exploded with pink smoke, everyone grabbing their weapons and getting into defensive stances. "VOOOII! What the fuck is going on?" Squalo yelled as the pink smoke began to disperse revealing the rest of the guardians and Elizabeth. Only, it wasn't Elizabeth standing there anymore, a younger girl instead there who was shorter and her brown bangs hanging higher above her green eyes. But, despite the brunette looking similar to Bel's lieutenant, they were not Elizabeth Jr. either, looking around sixteen instead. She wore a white dress and in her hands were a pile of books, each having English titles splayed across the front. "VOOIII! Who the fuck are you?"

The young girl blinked slightly, muttering something in English before answering in smooth Italian "I could be asking you the same question. And, why are you speaking Italian? We are in Japan aren't we?"

"Japan?" Lussuria looked confused. "No, this is Italy."

The girl stared at him, her mouth parting slightly in obvious surprise. "How strange…"

Squalo placed his sword against her neck, the point piercing through a layer of her skin and forcing a thin trail of blood to flow downwards. "Who are you, how did you get in here and where the fuck is that stupid Elizabeth Julietançe?"

The brunette stared at him. "What are you on about? Firstly, I have no idea how I got here, the only thing I do remember is this purple bazooka thing landing on me with electricity coming off it for some reason and secondly why do you know my name?"

Squalo stared at her. "VOOOI! What the fuck are you talking about?"

She simply gave him an exasperated look before replying. "_I _am Elizabeth Julietançe."

And thus the Varia's life got that little bit more confusing.

**Etra: The Tea-loving Mermaid (The film version since the other one is just…depressing as hell)**

Once upon a time lived a beautiful mermaid princess named Ariel (Elizabeth: YAY! I'M A MERMAID! Squalo: VOOOII! Where the fuck have you been? Elizabeth: Err…furthering the plot?) who had everything she could ever wish for under the sea. (Elizabeth: What about tea?) However, she was dissatisfied with this life (Elizabeth: We don't have tea do we? NOOOO!) and longed to know more about the human world on the land. (Elizabeth: And tea. And tea. AND TEA!) With her best friend Flounder (Fran: Cute-sempai and I are best friends? Wow… Elizabeth: ..Should I feel insulted?) the two collected human artifacts from beneath the waves rolling above their heads, (Fran: Mostly tea mugs. Elizabeth: HEY! They are awesome! AS HELL!) and visited the seagull named Scuttle (Basil: What does thou wish for thyself to do for this role? Elizabeth: …Speak normally?) who gave them rather inaccurate information about humans (Basil: My master told me that humans speak in such a way. Doest thou find it fun? Elizabeth: …Normal speaking? Please?).

Entranced by these tales (Elizabeth: I don't understand…BUT I STILL WANT TEA!) Ariel paid no heed to her father King Triton (Squalo: I'm a man again! FINALLY! Me: That just makes you sound like you lost your masculinity beforehand… Squalo: FUCK!) and trusted advisor Sebastian the lobster's (Levi: I would prefer to serve the boss, not this girly man. Elizabeth: And when Levi starts calling you girly you know that you are XD Squalo: VOOOOIII!) warnings of how dangerous the human world was and how contact between merpeople and humans were forbidden (Elizabeth: I need my tea. And when did I listen to them anyway? Squalo: I'M YOUR FUCKING SUPERIOR! Elizabeth: Uh huh, keep talking sis whilst I go daydream about tea… Squalo: VOOOOII!) and continued to long to witness the human world with her own eyes. (Elizabeth: And get the tea. Don't forget about the tea.)

One night Ariel, along with a very reluctant Sebastian (Elizabeth: Why did you come anyway? Levi: To get boss tea. Elizabeth: Huh, seems legit…) travelled to the water's surface to watch the celebration of Prince Eric's (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ of course the prince is a prince! Fran: Last time you were the beast. Bel: What last time? Me: *hides baseball bat yet again* Yama-sama is going to kill me for stealing it again…) birthday. Upon laying her eyes upon the handsome man's face (Fran: She puked. Bel: DIE.) she felt her heart hammer against her chest and knew instantly that (Fran: She wanted to kill him. Bel: *gets out knives* one more word and I'll throw them) she loved him. (Fran: Author-san meant to say 'hated'. Bel: THAT'S IT)

Suddenly a huge storm (Gokudera: …Why? Just…why?) ensued and the ship was claimed by the sea, Ariel rushing to the prince's rescue (Elizabeth: He'll live… Bel: The prince has tea. Elizabeth: DON'T WORRY, I'M COMING TO SAVE YOU NOW!), the man being unconscious by the time she dragged him to do safety of the beach. She sang to him (Elizabeth: Tea~ Tea~ I love tea~) but quickly left when he began to stir (Elizabeth: B-but the TEA! DAMN YOU STORY!) to avoid being discovered. Enchanted by the memory of the beautiful voice (Bel: That song was terrible. And is stuck in the prince's head.) he vowed to find the one who had sung to him after saving his life. (Bel: And execute them for singing such a horrible song.) Ariel also vowed to join the prince somehow and live with him as a human (Elizabeth: With the tea. I NEED the damn tea.).

Her father noticed her change in behavior (Squalo: Why is she singing about…tea? Elizabeth: Tea~ Tea~ I love tea~ Squalo: Wait, this is normal…) and asked Sebastian what had gotten into his daughter.

"She is in love with a human Prince named Eric sire," the lobster replied, horrifying the man. (Squalo: Like I care. Levi: He also thinks you are a woman. Squalo: VOOOII! I'LL KILL THE BRAT!) The King rushed to the grotto where Ariel and Flounder stored their human artifacts and in his anger destroyed most of the objects. (Elizabeth: NOOO! NOT THE MUGS! NOT THE MUUUGGS! Fran: …*doesn't care at all*) After Triton left two eels named Flotsam and Jetsam (Cervello 1: We judge fairly. Cervello 2: It is the Cervello's specialty. Elizabeth: And I needed to know this why?) appeared, convincing the mermaid princess to visit the sea witch Ursula as so to be with Eric. (Cervello 1: And you shall… Cervello 2: …Get your tea. Elizabeth: I BELIEVE YOU COMPLETELY PINK HAIRED CREEPY TWIN PEOPLE! *Rushes off*)

Upon reaching the cave where the sea witch lived, Ariel came face to face with Ursula (Lussuria: Hello Eliza-chan~!) who struck a deal with her. "I shall transform you into a human for three days in return for your voice. Oh, and you must get a kiss of true love within that time or else you will turn back into a mermaid and belong to me. Poor unfortunate souls~!"

Ariel, so blinded by her love for Eric (Elizabeth: I NEED THE DAMN TEA!) agreed instantly and was given human legs before being taken up to the surface by Flounder and Sebastian (Levi: Finally, we got rid of her. Fran: Bye Cute-sempai. Elizabeth: I'M OFF TO FIND MY TRUE LOVE: TEEEAAA! Lussuria: I stole your voice, remember? Elizabeth: … Lussuria; Thank you~!), her voice having been put in a sea shell.

Eric then found her on the beach and, not realizing she was his savior (Bel: She's mute. How could she have sung that awful song? Elizabeth: …*eyes shift suspiciously*) thinks her to be a mute shipwreck survivor and takes her to his castle. The two spent the next two days together in blissful happiness (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ Elizabeth: … Bel: Ushi shi shi~ Elizabeth: … Bel: Ushi shi shi~ Elizabeth: …*goes off to find tea* Bel: What's wrong with her?) and at the end of the second day they almost kissed (Bel: …The hell? Elizabeth: … Bel: Well, you are helpful.) only to be thwarted by the Flotsam and Jetsam (Cervello 1: There shall be… Cervello 2: … Kissing. Cervello 1 & 2: At all. Elizabeth: …*slightly freaked*).

Ursula, angered by their narrow escape, (Lussuria: Eliza-chan shall become mine and thus my daughter! SHE SHALL! Ryohei: Parental love TO THE EXTREME! Me: …What are you even doing here?) transformed herself into a beautiful young woman (Lussuria: Hey! I already am a beautiful young woman!) and named herself Vanessa (Xanxus: Trash. What. The. Fuck? Me: There were no other parts and I didn't want for you to feel left out…). Using Ariel's voice, she sang the song the said girl had sung after rescuing the prince (Xanxus: Tea~ Tea~ I love tea~! Bel: …What have you done with boss? Me; Nothing…), Eric recognizing it instantly after hearing it as he walked along the shore and rushing to them (Bel: I hate that song but I don't think I can kill boss…Xanxus: Tea~ Tea~ I love tea~ Bel: …Maybe the prince can.). Ursula cast a spell over him immediately and made him forget about Ariel. (Xanxus: Tea~ Tea~ I love tea~ Bel: *dreamy sigh* I love that song… Squalo: …I am disturbed.)

The next day, much to her horror, Ariel discovers that Eric is to marry Vanessa (Xanxus: Tea~ Tea~ I love tea~ Bel: *dreamy sigh* it's so beautiful… Elizabeth: …*drinks tea*), the young woman being instantly heart broken. Scuttle however found out that Vanessa was Ursula in disguise and rushes of to tell Ariel (Basil: Elizabeth-dono! Thou have been tricked by thee deceitful vixen of thy sea! Elizabeth: … Basil: Elizabeth-dono? Thou doest not understand? Elizabeth: …*nods* Fran: He said you have been tricked by Ursula.) who immediately went off after the wedding barge. (Fran: They have tea too. Elizabeth: …*runs off*) Sebastian went off to inform Triton whilst Scuttle disrupts the wedding using the help of various other animals (Yamamoto: Ahaha! We are playing fairy tales this time? Tsuna: What happened to Gokudera-kun? Hibari: Hn. I'll bite you all to death. Ryohei: Help TO THE EXTREME! Lambo: BUWAHAHA! BOW DOWN TO LAMBO-SAMA! Mukuro: Kufufu~ why is everyone else animals whilst my cute Chrome and I are pineapples? Chrome: M-Mukuro-sama! Me: …I was bored?).

In the chaos, the sea shell holding Ariel's voice is broken, breaking Ursula's enchantment over the prince. (Elizabeth: I CAN SPEAK AGAIN! WOOHOO! Bel: …What the fuck was I doing? I hate that damn song!). Realizing Ariel was the one who saved him (Elizabeth: Tea~ Tea~ I love tea~ Bel: It was YOU!) he rushed over to kiss her (Bel: Replace each 's' with an 'l'. Elizabeth: Damn you captain. Damn you.) but the sun set before he had the chance and she was turned back into a mermaid, Ursula taking off her disguise and kidnapping the young woman. (Lussuria: And we shall be daughter and mother forever! MUWHAHAHA! Elizabeth: One question. Will there be tea? Lussuria: Of course! Elizabeth: YOU ARE AWESOME!)

Triton confronted the sea witch (Squalo: VOOIII! What could you possibly gain from kidnapping her? Just kill her and put us out of our misery! Lussuria: NEVER SHARK MEAT~!) and demanded his daughter's release but Ursula tells him that she and the young mermaid had a deal that could not be broken.(Lussuria: She is my daughter now! MINE!) She urged him to take her place though (Lussuria: …Why? Elizabeth: Don't question the story Luss-nee. It's insane. Squalo: And you AREN'T? Elizabeth: I am perfectly sane for an assassin. Squalo: VOOOOIII!) to which he eventually agreed and as a result was turned into a coral polyp, losing his authority over Atlantica. Ursula declared herself the new ruler, a struggle ensuing and the sea witch accidentally killing Flotsam and Jetsam. (Lussuria: Oh, that's fine. They have replacements. Elizabeth: Actually, they ran out of identical people. Lussuria: WHAT?) In her rage, she grabbed King Triton's trident and grew to monstrous proportions. (Lussuria: Fran-chan, do you think I look fat in this? Fran: …No.)

Above the surface Ariel and Eric reunite once more (Elizabeth: I promise I won't sing the song anymore. Bel: …I'll help you. This time.) but they don't have long together alone for Ursula forced her way out of the sea, her body now even bigger (Lussuria: Ah! You two! Do you think I look fat in this too? Elizabeth & Bel: …No.). She then gains control of the entire ocean and creates a storm (Gokudera: Really…just…why?) using a maelstrom and shipwrecks, one of which Eric jumps onto and tries to steer. (Elizabeth: But it's shipwrecked captain. Why are you even trying to steer it? Bel: …Stupid story.) As Ursula attempted to trap Ariel in the maelstrom, the prince ran the ship's bowsprit through her abdomen, killing her. (Elizabeth: LUSS-NEE! NOOO! YOU ARE COVERED IN TOMATO SAUCE! Bel: …Idiot.)

This caused Ursula's power to break and all the other polyps in her garden reverted back into their original forms including King Triton. Finally realizing that Ariel truly loved Eric (Elizabeth: I do? Bel: Who doesn't? Fran: I really don't.) Triton transformed his daughter into a real human; the two marrying on a ship and sharing one passionate kiss (Elizabeth & Bel: WHAT?) before departing on a journey around the world. And the two of them lived happily ever after. (Elizabeth: Seriously? We did? Me; Well…you got your tea. Elizabeth: Okay. Imma happy. Bel: I'm not. Me: Well…tough.)

**Discoabc: Muhahaha! Cliffhanger at the end of that last Chappie!**

**Fran: Everyone knows what has happened though.**

**Discoabc: But it's awesome…**

**Squalo: VOOOII! What is inside that damn file!**

**Discoabc: Not telling~!**

**Squalo: FUCK YOU!**

**Discoabc: Next chappie I advise you read the author note at the bottom here since it shall explain a few things about how the next few chappies are gonna work. **

**Fran: Hey, author-san? **

**Discoabc: Yesh?**

**Fran: Why is boss knocked out too?**

**Discoabc: …I fn't think he wants to remember **_**the song**_**.**

**Fran: …Good point.**

**Lussuria: Review and tell this stupid author to get me and Squ-chan back together! Mou, I hate this!**

**Squalo: VOOOI! How do you think I feel? I nearly got killed!**

**Discoabc: Bye~!**


	16. How the Varia's life got that little bit

**Yo guys! It is I, Discoabc, who caught tonsillitis and could not speak for a while. Yay. …What was I on about again? I'm kinda distracted…by KHR bishies video…in background…that is the SOLE reason why it takes so long for me to write chappies. Seriously. I should stop watching stuff while I'm writing…Shout outs~!**

**Soul Vrazy: I am sorry but spoilers are not allowed *looks off into distance dramatically* But you did do a good Squ-chan impression XD In this chappies author note there is important info so you need to look down there at the end. It isn't really a spoiler though so…meh. NO! PUUUUUDDDDIINNNG! Le gasp! Darts? NO! DON'T KILL ME! I WON'T BE ABLE TO UPDATE EVER AGAIN OTHERWISE! Yeah, I just used THAT excuse! *feels like the awesome person they are not***

**xXxMentalPancakesxXx: Awww, shucks! Don't worry about your grandma questioning your sanity, my WHOLE FAMILY does it all the time XD "ASDFGHJKL;' UPDATE SOON PLEAAAASE" that is officially the BEST way somebody had ever asked me to update quicker! On another note, have you realized how much your username makes me want to go eat pancakes? I would call you evil but you reviewed so…yeah. Hope you enjoy this chappie too :)**

**KayleeXD XD: I know, I know. My cat is going to take over the world any day now…after they have finally managed to beat up the ginger cat across the rode. It was so funny when my cat went outside last night, spotted the other cat and came right back in before running up the stairs and looking all wimpy. They should just ask my dog to take care of the cat across the road. Cause like my cat and dog are best friends. Don't ask me why, it's just WEIRD. I don't see why plan five failed either…YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT BEL! YOU CAN NEVER DRIVE AGAIN! NEVER! Just think of the poor bunny's children! THINK OF THEM! Don't worry, Luss-nee and Squ-chan will get back together. Eventually. I WON'T APPROVE OF ANYONE ELSE! Yeah! No stereotypes allowed! I may be British and love tea but I'm part American too and love…junk food. You know, I'm not making a very good point here am I? Yeah, because me and my dad have the father-daughter gun talk like, uh, all the time…TEA RELIGION RULES! I DUN CARE IF I'M AN ATHEIST, IT ROCKS! LIKE CHEESE! 127.5 is my favorite number…don't ask me why because I don't even know…Because Fran and Eliza are OBVIOUSLY BFFL. Like, obviously. SUPER-AWESOME: one of my favorite words next to Fu-tabulous XD**

**Mistress of Madness: I know, I know. When shall these kids ever learn (Squalo: VOI! You are younger than us Me: So what Shark meat? Squalo: …*glare*) I can imagine the whole star wars scene now with Xanxi-chan walking up to Elizabeth and saying 'I am your father' and she going 'TEEEEEEAAAAAAA' XD. Le gasp! You mean this **_**isn't **_**twitter? (Fran: …Author-san, you are an idiot) all this time I have been deceived! Elizabeth, YOU LIED TO ME! (Elizabeth: I am sorry! FORGIVE ME DISCOABC! FORGIVE MEEEEEE!) Indeed. Poor, poor abused shark meat. Sounds like he hasn't got any money by how I'm saying it…Yeah Bel! BE NICE TO YOUNG ELIZABETH! Wait, I'm the one who writes this thing…L-levi! YOU MONSTER! BURN HIM! ROAST HIME ALLLIIIIVVVEE! …*pushes up visible glasses* I'll get those invisible ones one day…(Yamamoto: Bat. Now. *evil glare of Yama-sama-ness* Me: …HE TOOK IT! *points at burning Levi*) Le gasp! HOW COULD THEY NOT THINK OF THROWING IT AGAINST THE WALL? HOW?**

**a. simple fan: Awww, thank you! I'm so glad you find this fic so funny and awesome (love that word) hope you enjoy this new chapter!**

**Chie-Shire-Cat17: Yeah! YAY FOR TEA GOD! Y-your friend doesn't like tea? BLASPHEMY! COMPLETE AND UTTER BLASPHEMY! (Elizabeth: AGREED!) How could anybody hate tea? HOW?**

**Tenshi-Ojousama: Glad you like the extra :) Answer to question 1: Me-tea makes you CRAZY? NO WONDER EVERYONE CALLS ME INSANE! Wait, but I did know it made me hyper… Elizabeth- Oh young one, it is not the tea that makes you crazy. It is your soul. At least, that's what the Tea God said… question 2: Me- I don't really have a favorite but I usually drink PG tips because it is in the house. But Asian tea is just so…awesome. Elizabeth- ALL TEA IS EQUAL IN THE EYES OF THE TEA GOD AND MOI! ALL TEEEAAAA! Me: Anyhow, thanks for the story ideas! I have one for this chappie but I promise I'll do all of them soon!**

**LaughterGirl: I agree. SOMEBODY MOVE THAT WATER FOUNTAIN DAMMIT! Bel, you must pay for the bunny's funeral. (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ hell now. Me: …I have coffee. Bel: When and where?) Luss-nee and Squ-chan's relationship is…complicated BUT IT IS TRUE LOVE! TRRRUUUEE LOOVVVE! (Squalo: VOI! Like hell it is!) Once again, I agree with you. Bel cannot be innocent! HE KILLED THAT BUNNY! Poor Levi? He tried to steal the tea outfit. He deserved it. Lol. But Squ-chan DOES need the exercise…OMG! My email telling me I have a review CENSORED THE SWEAR WORDS! *freaks out a little bit* Because I like talk to my dad about guns like all of the time…That file has outsmarted seven adults…it's smart, very smart…TEA RELIGION! IT ROCKS! LIKE CHEEEEESE! Hee hee. Now I wonder what mini-Elizabeth is like…XD I have done the same thing with a review once. Wrote it ages ago and just forgot to sent it… -_-***

**xXxScarlatto-OokamiXx: Aww, I'm glad you are liking this fic so much! (took me like three tries to even type the word 'liking' O.o) I know, I know. Even I don't know why the tea did not work. WHY O TEA GOD? WHHHY? Yes my friend, your drama was perfect. Here, have an Oscar *passes over my lil' bro who happens to be called that* Bel! THE BUNNIES! THINK OF THE BUNNIES! (Bel: …?) Yes, either the fountain gets a pay rise or somebody just moves it already. Yep, you heard me Varia underlings, I'M TALKING TO YOU. I am beginning to believe Elizabeth is there love child as well…and I actually know she DOES have a real family! I should probably be disturbed but…MEH! If I had a gun the world would probably be very, very screwed. I love Squ-chan really but it's so easy to make fun of him…and if he, sorry, SHE took away my cake and tea oh I would get my hands on that guns. And once again, the world would be screwed. TOOOPP MAGGIIICCIIIAN! Glad you like the extras :) Bye bi~!**

**Guest: …Squ-chan. I suggest you run. Somebody isn't very happy with your relationship with Xanxi-chan. (Squalo: VOOOII! MY NAME IS NOT SQU-CHAN AND I AM NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT STUPID BOSS! Me: There, there shark meat. It's going to be okay. Squalo: …*glare*) Haha, I'm glad you liked that part of the story. It's fun to write about Luss-nee and Squ-chan's relationship XD**

**Mist Dragon Slayer: I on the other hand WOULD like to actually be there but I would be wearing various bullet proof items and holding to mugs of tea just in case something went wrong…which will undoubtedly happen XD Don't worry about the whole Xanxi-chan and Squ-chan being the parent thing, it's just me…being uh…insane…as usual…XD. …You are evil. PURE EVIL! GIMME THE SHIRT! GIMME NOW *goes to cry in corner* WHY? WHHHY? *cue mental break down***

**MistIllusions126: Ah, you might have to wait a while to find out about that black file but I promise you now, it is rather important ;) Those stairs and Squ-chan are now so close they are practically related XD Everyone is commenting on how awesome Eliza-chan is as Xanxi-chan's daughter which makes me laugh so bad because it made me think that too! Lussuria cook Squalo? At this rate um DEFINITELY! I'll try and keep up the good work! :)**

**sweetchill: I'm glad you found it funny :) Hope you continue to do so!**

**HEY GUYS! YEAH YOU GUYS! AT THE BOTTOM OF CHAPPIE! IMPORTANT THINGY! But like, don't read it before you read that actual chapter. M'kay? :)**

Chapter 16: How the Varia's life got that little bit more confusing

Everyone stared at the young brunette who had just claimed to be Elizabeth, the girl herself seeming to be getting more and more annoyed as the silence continued. "Well? Are you going to tell me who you are now?" she asked once again in her smooth Italian although hints of an English accent were detectible.

"VOOOOIII!" Squalo ripped his sword away from her neck to point almost dramatically at her. But Squalo doesn't do dramatic, that's Elizabeth and Lussuria's job. "How the fuck can you be that damn girl?"

Her eyebrows arched delicately. "I'm not sure why you are so annoyed at me and I am not sure how to exactly answer how I can be myself."

"VOOOIII! The real fucking Elizabeth Julietançe is twenty-six dammit!" the man hollered. "And you look like you are…ten years…younger than her."

Now, despite contrary belief, Squalo is in fact quite a smart person. How else do you think he became the strategy commander? Well, him beating up a lot of guys did work towards it too but ANYWAY, Squalo was rather intelligent. Really. So, after uttering those last few words and thinking back to what the young brunette had said earlier along with using-shock horror-his own initiative, he had pieced it together. Sorry, SHE had pieced it all together.

"Ten year bazooka…" he muttered under his breath, alarm bells going off for Levi. For him that reminded the man of the damn cowboy who had almost beaten him in the Ring battles. WAIT! Levi, like Squalo, had an actual smart moment. If the ten-year bazooka hit her it meant that she could possibly know that brat! And since her future self was so in love with that stupid Cowee di Tempesta it made it even more likely! He drew his parabolas and made them surround the young brunette who stared at them in curiosity for a few moments. "FOR BOSS!" Levi roared as electricity began to crackle. But before the brunette could be frazzled to death silver objects flew into the air, hitting all of the parabolas and changing where they were pointing to towards Levi. The brunette blinked as the electricity discharged and, once again, Levi died. Temporarily.

"Ushi shi shi~!" the girl turned to see Bel walking towards her as he spun knives in his fingers expertly before swinging one of his arms around her shoulders. "The prince told you before, touch my servant and I will end you," he hissed dangerously at the burnt man. The girl regarded him coolly.

"What is this, the medieval times?" she asked as she shrugged the blonde away, glancing at his knives with a slightly fearful expression. "Where am I and who are you people?"

Lussuria skipped over to the girl and patted her back soothingly. "Eliza-chan, you need to sit down. I know, I'll get you some tea and biscuits to help you relax! I bet that will make you feel better!"

"I hate tea."

Lussuria let out a scream.

"VOOOII! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Squalo roared at the screaming man although it was clear that he too was shaken by the girl's offhand statement. "AND DON'T TAKE OUT YOUR GUNS YOU SHITTY BOSS!"

"Trash," Xanxus glared at him. "She just said she hated _tea_."

Silence.

"If it makes it any better I do like coffee," Elizabeth told the group, confused by their obvious shock.

Xanxus pointed his guns at her. "VOOII! WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG NOW?" Squalo hollered.

"She just broke the fucking tenth commandment of the ten tea commandments: I must not covet any other hot drinks you fucking shark scum."

"…You mean you actually listened to that idiot's lecture?"

"Well, Cute-sempai did point out that boss is a tea-ist," Fran reminded Squalo who was still gawking at Xanxus on the verge of shooting Elizabeth who was standing in the middle of the room, still clutching her English books.

"Hey…is he okay?" the young teenager asked, pointing at Bel who was laughing insanely as so to forget what had just happened.

"In the head, no. He believes he is a prince you know," the mist guardian told her in his monotone voice.

Cue knives flying. "Ushi shi shi~! I am a real prince you un-cute kohai!" the blonde hissed angrily.

"…I see what you mean," Elizabeth drawled, Bel freezing. D-did HIS servant just…just INSULT him?

He went back to laughing maniacally as so to forget everything.

"…Cute-sempai?"

"I assume you are referring to me so, what is it?"

"I like you much better than your older self."

Elizabeth stared at Fran in confusion. "You mean to say that I am in the future?"

"…VOOOII! Like hell if she can be that fucking idiot Elizabeth Julietançe!" Squalo yelled. "She can actually use her fucking brain and doesn't like tea! What more proof do we need?"

"Ah, that makes sense!" Lussuria, who had only now stopped screaming, wiped away some non-existent sweat. "Eliza-chan would never be like that after all! Maybe she's Eliza-chan Jr and has had a growth spurt?"

Everyone apart from the teenage girl-not Squalo although he definitely is one-shot him an 'yes, because an eight year old can suddenly look like an sixteen year old and not remember any of us' look. Because if you don't remember the Varia then it means that you are a nobody in there eyes. Not that they think very highly of themselves, oh no…

"Who is Eliza-chan Jr?" Elizabeth asked, honestly curious.

"Your cousin," Lussuria told her gently.

"I have no cousin."

Lussuria screamed again.

"B-But you just CAN'T be that fucking idiot!" Squalo shook his head, trying to deny it and ignore Lussuria.

"Would you stop giving me such a crude name?" Elizabeth glowered slightly at him. "I don't know what my future self had done to annoy you if you are speaking the truth about where I am but I doubt I deserve such a name."

"Oh, trust me," Levi sneered at her. "You do."

Xanxus shot him again. Nobody even questioning his motives. After all, any time is a good time to attempt to kill Levi~!

"I shall ask again, who are you?" the brunette continued to stare down those surrounding, gripping her books to her chest.

"We are the independent assassination organization of the Vongola fucking trash, the Varia," Xanxus snarled, obviously itching to shoot her. After all, she broke the ten tea commandments and NOBODY broke those under Xanxus's watch. NOBODY.

"Assassination squad…" Elizabeth's eyes narrowed as she inched away from them a little more. "Are you meaning to say I grow up to be an assassin?"

"No, you grow up to be a fucking shop assistant," Squalo continued to eye her with slight suspicion, still unsure to whether it was really the past version of that damn brunette.

"But that's impossible," the teenager shook her head. "Why would I ever do that?"

"VOOI! Why the hell do you expect us to know?" the man yelled be inside he was surprised. If Elizabeth's younger self didn't know why they became an assassin then why did she ever become one?

"Well, for starters, you all seem to know my future self so it is only natural to assume you know why I became one," the girl pointed out. "And anyway, your whole theory about me being in the future is ridiculous so it is obviously not true. I plan on become an academic, not an assassin."

"Actually…" everyone turned to see Fran holding up a piece of paper with Elizabeth's full name splayed across the top and two pictures of the girl, one of her sixteen and the other of her twenty-six. "She is Cute-sempai from ten years ago. It even goes on to say how when she was sixteen she disappeared for two weeks without a trace whilst visiting Japan for educational purposes."

It was silent aside from the sound of Lussuria's continuous screaming and Bel laughing. Which wasn't very quiet so really it wasn't silent at all.

"…So you mean I am in the future despite how scientifically impossible it is?" Elizabeth asked after a little of that 'silence'.

Nods.

"And I shall be stuck here for two whole weeks?"

More nods.

"With a group of trained assassins?"

Noooodddssss.

"Well," Elizabeth stood up straighter, no longer affected by the fact that she was in a room with extremely strong assassins. When I say extremely strong assassins I am obviously leaving out Levi. Obviously. "I'd best salvage what I can of my schedule."

"Schedule?" Squalo blinked.

"My schedule for studying. I am in the middle of my A levels you know and NOTHING shall interrupt my schedule I carefully planned out."

There was another 'silence'.

"VOOOII! You are in a room with ASSASSINS and you are worried about your fucking A LEVELS?" the man roared.

"Since you are an assassin and obviously didn't get a proper education to see how wrong a choice that was I guess you would not understand my feelings on the matter," the brunette stated in a bored tone, the man twitching in anger. "But as I said earlier, I wish to be an academic and thus my education is very important to me sir."

Squalo was about to slash her to pieces from her casually thrown around insults-now he knew why Normal! Elizabeth took such pleasure in insulting people-when he noticed something she had said. "S-sir?"

Elizabeth cocked her head to the side. "What did you think I thought you were a man?"

He walked over to her and placed both hands on her shoulders. "_Never_ leave."

"…What is wrong with him?" the brunette asked Fran who simply shrugged and sipped on his coke. Damn Frog Drink Ninja.

"SQU-CHAN!" Lussuria finally stopped screaming and gaped at the man. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO OUR DAUGHTER?"

"But Lussuria-sempai, I thought Cute-sempai wasn't your daughter and was boss's and longhaired commander's instead?" Fran reminded the girly man who made a grunt of realization before lifting up a knife.

"SHAAAARKKK MEEEAAAT!"

"VOOOIIIII! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

Elizabeth watched on as Lussuria chased Squalo around. "…Does this happen a lot?"

Fran simply nodded.

"…Well, they best be quiet when I'm studying."

For a moment Fran sensed a killing intent coming from the brunette. Okay, maybe he didn't like this Cute-sempai more than the other one…

_Later_

"So, this is my room?" Elizabeth asked Bel as the blonde who nodded as he leant against the doorway, watching the girl inspect her future self's bedroom. He had to admit it, although the twenty-six year old version of her was fairly pretty, the girl standing in front of him was extremely attractive. She obviously took more care of herself than the Elizabeth he knew, her skin without any scratches or scares and her cat like eyes displayed fully to the world, the older one almost always having them partially hidden by their longish bangs. Her movements were more graceful too unlike the far more random and jerky ones he was used to his lieutenant using.

It was likely the brunette would have kept these flawless looks if she had indeed became an academic as she would have definitely been more aware of how she looked, assassins after all not really requiring such attractive appearances and, if they did have such looks, they were simply thought of as a bonus. But, even so, Bel would have really only been interested in her if he were his ten year younger self and only for a short period anyway as breaking such pretty creatures used to be his favorite past time.

"Is this me?" Elizabeth's voice broke through his thoughts of killing numerous girls when he was younger and saw the brunette pointing to a picture of her future self standing next to him, her box weapon Mary behind them and Lupo in front.

"Ushi shi shi~ yes it is servant," he laughed, grinning slightly at the memory. They had been arguing about whose box weapons were cooler and in the end Elizabeth had brought out both of them out, asking the photographer what he thought of them.

Alas, the photographer had been booked by the useless Levi who had gotten one who did not deal with mafia members and had ended up screaming so loud in surprise that Xanxus shot him promptly after taking the picture. The Varia boss then shot Levi for being such an idiot. As usual. Yay!

Wait, he fell into the fountain again! NO YAY!

"I look…strange," Elizabeth remarked, referring to her facial expression and not fazed at all by the box weapons also in the picture. She then plunked her books down on the desk. "Now to revise on the square roots of imaginary terms."

"You are the one who is strange," Bel sweat dropped as the girl flicked open one of the books and sat down on her chair.

Five minutes passed.

Ten minutes passed.

Twenty minutes passed.

An hour passed.

"…Are you going to leave? You are distracting me," Elizabeth stated bluntly, glaring at Bel who was now throwing knives at the ceiling.

"Ushi shi shi~ as your superior I can do what I want when I want," the blonde informed her.

"Well, why don't you do whatever you want elsewhere?"

"Don't order the prince around."

"If you were a prince then you would be on a throne in some fancy palace," the brunette pointed out, Bel glaring at her from under his bangs.

"What did you say servant?"

"Could you tell?" the girl twisted round and glowered at him. "I was implying that you should get out of my room fake-prince."

Oh bitch THIS IS SO ON! Bel a dozen knives at her book, making the printed writing ineligible. "I am NOT a fake prince."

There was silence for a few moments as Elizabeth stared at her destroyed book before turning once again to face Bel, her eyes flashing darkly. "I am going to kill you."

"Ushi shi shi~ I'd like to see you try."

That was the wrong thing to say. Seriously.

Elizabeth grabbed the knives and threw one at the blonde, it cutting his cheek as he dodged to the left, alarmed by her fast movement. My advice to you Bel: RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE. Oh wait, he already is…sorry. My bad.

The brunette threw the rest at him soon after before grabbing a katana lying against the desk and running after him, the boy not turning round once to face his pursuer.

Damn, he probably shouldn't have said that…

Bel jumped down a flight of stairs, Elizabeth doing the same as she sprinted after him. "Ah, Cute-sempai. Fake prince-sempai. Long haired commander was calling for yo-" Fran was cut off as the two zoomed past him, the girl accidently cutting his outstretched hand as she ran past. The illusionist stood there in silence and stared at his bleeding injury for a few moments.

"Hm, Captain? What's wrong?" one of his squad members nearby asked the boy whose eyes were now shadowed. Suddenly mist flames erupted around him. "C-captain?!"

A pair of grotesque monsters had appeared, kneeling before Fran. "Bring their dead bodies to me," he ordered, his monotone voice somehow sounding darker than usual. Even though it was monotone. Meh, it's Fran. We should not question him.

The two monsters nodded before running after Elizabeth and Bel. "S-scary!" the squad member gulped as Fran grinned creepily.

"They shall pay for their actions."

"E-EVEN SCARIER!"

Bel, who was now quite a while away from the now scary Fran who is creeping us all out-don't ever try to say you feel otherwise-turned around to see not only a livid Elizabeth chasing him but two monsters as well. Three words:

What the fuck?

Suddenly a door to the left of him was broken down and none other than Squalo burst out, fear showing in his eyes as he began to run alongside the blonde. Wait, fear?

"SHAAAARK MEEEAAAT!"

Oh, well that made sense. Now back to the chasing.

"VOOOII! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU RUNNING?" Squalo hollered as Bel and he rounded another corner.

"USHI SHI SHI~ THE SAME TO YOU!" the prince shouted over Lussuria's battle cry. Well, more like slaughter cry since Squalo and him aren't really going to have some magnificent battle when they do eventually face each other are they? It will be more of a 'STAB NOW YOU ARE DEAD' event. And all of this answers your question Bel. All of it.

"DON'T THINK I HAVE GIVEN UP YET YOU FAKE-PRINCE!" Elizabeth shouted.

"STOP RUNNING SQU-CHAN AND ACCEPT YOUR FATE AS SHARK MEAT!" Lussuria shrieked.

"GRRRAAAYYYGGGHH!" the monsters behind screeched which can be translated as 'I don't want to do this and want to drink tea instead but that tiara on your head is very attractive you fake-prince'.

"IT'S NOT A TIARA AND I AM NOT A FAKE-PRINCE!" Bel growled angrily.

"VOOII! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING TO?" Squalo howled in confusion. Honestly, didn't you pay attention to my translation? Ungrateful shark meat! "VOOOII! I AM NOT SHARK MEAT!"

"WHO THE HEL ARE YOU TALKING TO?" Bel asked.

"GOLLLAARRGG!" the monsters screamed, translated as 'why is everyone shouting?'

Don't worry monsters; you aren't the only one wondering. Even I am wondering. Which should be strange but AH WELL.

Suddenly Levi appeared in front of the group. "Everybody, the boss wants you to shut up!" he informed them only to be knocked to the floor by Bel and Squalo and have everyone trample over them.

"GLAARRPOH!" one of the monsters turned their head to the other. 'Did we just run over someone?'

"BBLLAARRGGH!" 'Well, if it was someone it must be a really pathetic guy who deserved it.'

So true, so very true.

"FOOORR BOOOOSSSS!" Levi instantly got to his feet and ran after the group, distinct footprints marking his uniform.

Elizabeth and Lussuria had almost caught up to Bel and Squalo but the monsters had almost caught up to those two and Levi to them. The teenage brunette began to slice her katana around with precision that surprised Squalo as he glanced behind him. If she didn't want to become an assassin then why was she such a capable swordswoman?

"Give up you fake-prince!" she-no, no Squalo or Lussuria for that matter-hissed angrily, Lussuria nodding in agreement.

"You best do that too shark meat!" he shrieked.

"Blllooorrgh!" the monster gurgled. 'Why has everyone stopped shouting really loudly now?'

Once again, I do not know. And, once again, AH WELL.

"FOOOORR BOOOOSSSS!"

"Grraabbllle!" 'Why is he shouting really loudly?'

That I know the answer to. Because he is Levi.

Elizabeth suddenly jumped, placing one foot on the blunt side of Lussuria's cleaving knife to propel herself forwards, her katana sliding past Bel's neck as Squalo pushed him to the left through a door. Because of this, the girl stumbled upon landing and fell to the side, knocking the blonde and her to the floor and, as a consequence, Squalo too. Lussuria tripped over Elizabeth's leg, his meat cleaver flying into the air and landing right beside Squalo's head, both screaming. The monsters stopped themselves so that they didn't fall too but alas Levi existed. The man charged into them both, the two flying and landing on the pile of people with a 'garblag' meaning 'DAMN YOU, YOU SHOUTING IDIOT'. As so to compensate for this, Levi tripped spectacularly over the pile of people, flying through the air and onto a long table, sliding along it at subsonic speeds before crashing into a plate with a steak on it and a mug of tea beside it.

Xanxus glared down at Levi. Levi smiled up at him. Glare. Smile. Glare. Smile. Glare. Smile. Guns out. 'Oh crap' face.

"BOOOOSSSS!"

SPLASH!

Everyone watched without batting an eyelid, even Elizabeth and the monsters.

"…Someone needs to really move that fucking water fountain," Squalo growled.

"Agreed."

"Hargalb." 'Agreed'

"…What the fuck are those two things?"

Don't ask me. Ask Fran. Who may or may not be plotting your imminent deaths. Nobody knows when it comes to him, especially when he is pissed off and showing evil emotions.

Lesson learnt: We never, EVER annoy Elizabeth when she is revising. Or go near Lussuria when he wants shark meat. Full stop.

_Later_

"So, why are you in my room again?" Elizabeth glared at Bel who was lying on her bed, throwing knives everywhere again.

"Because the prince is bored~!"

"And I shall satisfy your boredom how…?"

Bel sat up and puffed out his cheeks childishly. "You are so much more boring then my servant lieutenant."

"Your comment enlightens me fake prince."

"And ruder."

She arched her eyebrows delicately. "From the foul language I have heard today and considering I live with you people I really doubt that I a ruder than my future self. Am I correct?"

"…"

"I take your silence as a yes," and, with a satisfied smile, she turned back to her work. "Now please leave so that I do not fall anymore behind on my schedule."

Bel glared at her. "What a boring schedule if you are just studying every moment of the day."

"Do you want me to chase you down again?"

"You were just lucky," the blonde leaned back into the bed again. "In a real fight where I was aiming to kill you, you would be dead servant."

"Oh really now?" Elizabeth checked the clock and clicked her tongue. She was so behind schedule and dealing with this annoying boy was simply eating into her time but if she dealt with him now it might mean she would waste less time later. Deciding this was the best course of action, she closed her textbook and turned her attention fully onto Bel. "What makes you think that?"

"VOOII! You haven't got a fucking swords style brat!" Squalo yelled as he slammed the door open.

"…Where you waiting out there just to make you grand entrance?" the girl asked.

"O-of course not! Who the hell do you think I am?"

"He was," Fran told them, now having returned from the dark side. Thank god…

"Shark meat has no brains after all," Lussuria remarked, glowering at Squalo who gulped.

"The boss is the smartest though," Levi nodded knowingly.

"Hey. My room isn't a place for everyone to socialize," Elizabeth informed them sharply. Everyone ignored her. The desire for her to reach for her katana thus increased…

"VOOI! You need a fucking swords style to beat any swordsman worth their salt!" Squalo yelled, waving his sword around. "You know, you are just like that stupid Yamamoto!"

Elizabeth shot him an 'because I obviously know who you are talking about' look. "I'm not going to become a stupid assassin so why do I need to even know a swords style?"

"Exactly," Levi sniffed disapprovingly at her. "We don't need even her future self so if she just doesn't learn a swords style we will never have to deal with her."

"Tch. A fucking idiot like you would never understand," Squalo growled before marching towards Elizabeth. "VOI! Whether you become a fucking assassin or not I don't give a shit about but if you don't learn a swords style you aren't going to survive a day here."

"It's almost the end of the day so actually, I will."

Once again, Squalo resisted the urge to kill her outright. "Look here, your fucking future self knows one of the most famous swords styles around and mastered it in record time."

"And your point is…?"

"VOOII! It means you are fucking talented!"

Elizabeth sighed in an exasperated fashion. "Does it honestly look like I care about that?"

"Ushi shi shi~ you are wasting your time commander," Bel notified him.

"No, you people are wasting MY time."

"Do you want to die peasant?"

"Oh, so I'm a peasant now, not a servant?"

"Ushi shi shi~ you don't deserve that title."

"Same to you fake-prince."

"What did you just say?"

"VOOOIII! STOP BITCHING ABOUT EACH OTHER!" Squalo hollered.

"SHUT UP SHARK MEAT!" the two snapped and went back to bickering.

"**VOOOOOOOOIIII!** I AM NOT STUPID **SHARK MEAT!**"

"SHAAARRRRK MEEEAAAAT!"

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME LUSSURIA!"

"FOORR BOOOOOSS!"

"Why are you even shouting Levi-sempai? There isn't any point to it…" Fran pointed out.

"Fake prince."

"Peasant."

"VOOOIII!"

"SHHHAAARKK MEEEEAAAT!"

"BOOOOOSSSS!"

"…Idiots."

Suddenly the door was thrown open and in walked Xanxus. With his guns. Wearing a teacup outfit. "SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU PIECES OF SHIT!"

You didn't even have to say that Xanxus. Everyone was silent by the time you walked in wearing that outfit.

"…What the fuck are you wearing?" Squalo voiced everyone's thoughts.

"The future Varia uniform," the man said, a kid you not, PROUDLY.

"It's…nice boss," Levi managed to cough out. Cue Xanxus's built in lie detector telling him to shoot the guy. Or was that his 'MUST KILL LEVI' instinct? Meh. Whatever.

"…Do you have it in pink?" Lussuria asked.

"We have it in every color of the fucking rainbow."

"YAY~!"

"B-but why a teacup?" Squalo spluttered, still unable to really deal with the sight of his boss wearing such an outfit.

"Her future self suggested it," Xanxus pointed to Elizabeth with his guns.

"…I may not particularly like you guys but I do truly apologize for my actions in the future. I really do," the brunette spoke solemnly.

"Anyway, that bitch Sawada doesn't have teacup outfits like this because the Varia is so much more fucking badass than he and his shitty guardians are."

...Xanxus, you are beginning to scare me too. You really are.

"…I'm guessing you don't like this Sawada," Elizabeth deduced. Everyone apart from Fran who was emotionless again shot her an 'I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT' look as Xanxus walked towards her, all of the group believing she was going to actually die.

"Come with me you fucking trash," he ordered gruffly and the girl obliged immediately, the rest of the group following after the pair as they walked into the dining room that had the Vongola sign on one wall. "See this?"

"My eyesight is perfectly fine so yes."

"This is the Vongola sign," he grabbed a bottle of wine and chugged it before continuing. "I would have been the fucking boss of the Vongola if that bitch Sawada didn't exist. FUCKING BOSS."

"Well, I can see why you are annoyed then."

"And he was only fucking FOURTEEN! I was ten fucking years older than him AND HE STILL WON!"

"That is depressing."

"And THEN my dad was a real bitch to me and ordered that I didn't leave Italy for six months!"

"Well that is taking grounding to the limits."

"So it's all that Sawada's fault! ALL OF HIS FAULT!" he drank another bottle of wine. "But you!" Xanxus's then turned to Squalo and patted him on the shoulder. "YOU WERE A TRUE FRIEND!"

Squalo froze up. W-what did his boss just say? Levi also froze up. W-What about him? Wasn't he a good friend? WASN'T HE?

"I mean, you grew your hair long FOR ME! Only the truest of friends would do that! ONLY THE TRUEST!" Xanxus then wiped away some tears. "Thanks man. THANKS!"

…Xanxus? Thanks? Man? Agoubsfsubgsb.

"And YOU!" he placed a hand on Belphegor's shoulder. "You've always been like a son to me. A SON!"

"Ushi shi shi~ thanks boss…?"

"No, I MEAN IT!"

"Okay…?"

"I REALLY REALLY MEAN IT!"

"Boss, I believe you," Bel assured him, trying to ignore Elizabeth's smirk. Oh he was SO going to kill her after this.

"THANKS! THANKS FOR BELIEVING IN ME!" Xanxus SOBBED before turning on Lussuria. "And you…GIVE ME A HUG!"

"BUT OF COURSE BOSS!" Lussuria shrieked and the two hugged each other, crying tears of joy. After a few moments they broke away and Xanxus stumbled over to Fran, Elizabeth noticing this as frowning.

"You haven't been here long but…BUT YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN HERE FOREVER!" the Varia boss cried.

"TRUE! SO TRUE!" Lussuria wiped away his tears.

"Thank you boss. Now would you let go of me?" Fran asked in his monotone voice, the man letting go of him instantly.

"I know, we'll take this slower. BUT WE'LL HUG EACH OTHER LIKE TRUE MEN SOON!"

"TRUE MEN INDEED!"

"…Sure thing boss."

"Hey," Elizabeth tapped Xanxus's shoulder and he spun around before saying something about how 'THE WORLD IS LIKE A BLENDER' and fainting. "As I thought."

"What?" Squalo asked, to traumatized to add a 'voi'.

"He was drunk."

Squalo's face literally said 'THANK GOD'. "B-but…" everyone-for once-turned round to see Levi, a miserable expression on his face. "Boss didn't say anything to me…"

And that describes your relationship with him in a nutshell.

"If he weren't drunk then I wouldn't know how to explain why he thought my future self had ever suggested that as I could have never said such a thing."

"Ushi shi shi~ what do you mean?" Bel asked.

"I mean I could never be so stupid and addicted to tea to ever suggest such a ludicrous idea of using teacup outfits as uniforms for assassins!"

"She isn't Elizabeth," everyone thought. "There is now way she can be her!"

I would be inclined to believe you but I'm still stuck on Xanxus saying…all of…that…

And so everyone learnt another thing too during that day. Xanxus being drunk NEVER ends well.

**Extra: Little Tea Riding Hood**

Once upon a time there lived a girl called Little Red Riding Hood (Elizabeth: I'm the main character? HELL YEAH! Squalo: VOOII! You are always the main character! Wait, when the fuck did you get here? Elizabeth: Um…LOOK OVER THERE! *runs off when Squalo looks* Squalo: VOOOII! GET BACK HERE!). She was called such a thing because of her beautiful red cloak she wore all the time which was made by her loving grandmother (Squalo: WHAT THE FUCK? Elizabeth: Well, you ARE an old woman after all. Squalo: VOOOIII!). However one day her beloved grandma fell ill (Elizabeth: Oh no, I am so worried. Squalo: VOOII! You could at least try to sound a bit more believable!) and so, under the orders of her mother (Lussuria: Finally, I AM YOUR MOTHER AGAIN! Elizabeth: YAY!), she was sent to her grandmother with a hamper of food. (Lussuria: Psst, the food is poisoned but don't tell Shark meat! Squalo: VOOII! My name is SQU-CHAN! Wait, NO IT ISN'T! ARRRGGGHH!)

But, along the way to her grandmother's house through the woods, the young girl came across a mean wolf (Xanxus: Trash, why the fuck do I have a huge headache? Fran: I believe it is called a hangover boss. Xanxus: The fuck? I didn't even drink anything! Fran: Of course not…). He wished to eat the young girl whose flesh looked tender and delicious (Xanxus: Trash. I want my steak. Now.) but alas he did not wish to do so in a place where anybody could come across him eating her. (Xanxus: You are going to make me fucking wait for my food? *gets out guns* Die.) So he approached the girl and asked her where she was going.

(Elizabeth: STRANGER DANGER! I HAVE A GUN AND WILL SHOOT ON IMPULSES! Oh wait, it's just you boss…) "I'm going to Squ-chan's house. She's my grandmother and is ill!" the girl told him innocently, not thinking about the consequences of her words. (Elizabeth: You mean there ARE consequences? OH THE HORROR!)

"Oh, poor woman," (Xanxus: Fucking shark trash deserved it. Squalo: VOOII! HOW DO I DESERVE IT? Me: By existing…? Squalo: *death glare*) the wolf said. "Why don't you go pick some fu-…tabulous flowers for her?"

"Good idea! Fu-tabulous flowers are the best after all!" Little Red Riding Hood gushed and danced off to go do just that. (Elizabeth: TO THE FU-TABULOUS FLOWERS I SHALL GO! I may never return. Levi: Good.)

The wolf grinned, happy his plan was working, before racing off to the grandmother's house to carry out the next phase of his ingenious plan. (Levi: But of course! Boss is a genius after all! Elizabeth: I would normally agree with that but since you are saying it…) He knocked on the door and the grandma, expecting it to be Little Red Riding Hood (Squalo: Tried to kill them by cutting through the door with their sword) opened it. (Squalo: FUCK!) She was consequently eaten whole. (Squalo: …Shitty boss, that is disgusting. Xanxus: Shut the fuck up. I was hungry. Levi: I want to be eaten by boss… Everyone: O.o) The wolf then disguised themselves as the grandmother and snuggled into the woman's bed.

Eventually the young girl arrived at her grandmother's house (Elizabeth: I HAVE RETURNED! Fran: That is annoying.) but noticed that her grandmother was being rather…strange. "What a deep voice you have!" she exclaimed (Elizabeth: Meh. Normal for mah granny. She is Squ-chan after all.)

"All the better to greet you with my dear." (Xanxus: … Me: I am sorry. This is how the story goes though. Even though Shark meat would never act like that. Squalo: VOOOIII! MY NAME IS SQU-CHAN! Me: You did it again. Squalo: FUCK!)

"Goodness, what big eyes you have!" Little Red Riding Hood moved closer to the wolf, still unaware of what was really going on.

"All the better to see you with my dear."

"And what big hands you have!"

"All the better to hug you with my dear."

(Elizabeth: And what awesome, flame spewing guns you have! Xanxus: All the better to shoot Levi with my dear. Me: XD)

"What a big mouth…you…have…" Little Red Riding Hood let out a small gasp, it finally dawning on her. (Elizabeth: I…I…I NEED TEA! Fran: An anti climax much.)

"ALL THE BETTER TO EAT YOU WITH MY DEAR!" and the wolf jumped out of the bed, eating the young girl whole. (Elizabeth: …Boss? Xanxus: I was fucking hungry. Elizabeth: okay…) Now with a full stomach he fell asleep on the bed.

But all was not lost as nearby a lumberjack (Bel: That is a peasant's job you stupid author. Me: Think of it as payback for all your insults to me. MUWHAHAHA!) came to see what was going on and saw the wolf asleep. He then cut open the wolf (Levi: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO BOSS YOU BASTARD?) and out emerged both the grandmother and Little Red Riding Hood, unharmed. (Fran: Because that works in real life.)

They then filled the wolf's body with heavy stones (Levi: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO BOSS YOU BASTARDS? Elizabeth: Filling him with heavy stones, didn't you hear? Squalo: That isn't the problem…). After a while they awakened and tried to flee but the rocks caused him to collapse and die. (Xanxus: … Me: Once again, I am sorry. Story's fault. Not mine.)

And so they all lived happily ever after. Somehow. Yay?

**Discoabc: Sorry for the kind of short chapter compared to my other ones. Ten year younger Elizabeth is seriously hard to write! TAT**

**Elizabeth: Your own fault for creating me.**

**Squalo: VOI! Where the fuck did the other Elizabeth go?**

**Discoabc: Somewhere…*looks off into the distance dramatically* Anyway, ****THE IMPORTANT NEWS****! I am going to switch from past and future every chapter so next time it will be the Elizabeth we are used to and then to younger Elizabeth and then older ect. So now you know, it won't be that confusing (and help me write good cliff hangers XD). Now I have a question for you guys-what arc of KHR do you think Normal! Elizabeth will get involved with? I did leave spoilers for it sort of and you guys will probably figure it out anyway but AH WELL!**

**Elizabeth: Arcs? KHR?**

**Discoabc: …YOU HEARD NOTHING!**

**Elizabeth: *sigh* crazy author. She also wants you guys to review on what you think of me as a character. Although apparently you guys are going to like my 'normal' self more according to the crazy girl.**

**Discoabc: BYYYEEE!**


	17. Screw the laws of physics I AM TIME TRAV

**YO GUYS! I LIVE! Mostly. I caught something horrible again and so I was ill for Christmas TAT T'was not fun. :( But now I am mostly better so HURRAY FOR CHOCOLATE! Sorry this chappie isn't very long but I wasn't feeling up to making something too long and in my opinion it sucked anyway so meh. =_=Shout outs~!**

**Soul Vrazy: I'm crazy? Whatever are you on about? *starts dancing to classical music* I'm perfectly sane of course!**

**LaughterGirl: Yeah, younger Eliza-chan is still awesome but in her own geeky little way XD just wait till she realizes a certain something and everything goes to hell! Fran is evil…I JUST KNOW IT! But he is still my froggy drink ninja and ALWAYS SHALL BE! MUWHAHAHA! Xanxus should be drunk so much more shouldn't he? I mean, he can't be THAT alcohol tolerant can he? And…sorry, my cat is distracting me. STOP EATING THE CUCUMBER DAMN IT! YOU ARE A CAT! No, don't give me those cutsey eyes! MY WILL SHALL NOT WAVER! *gives him cucumber straight away* strange cat…no! NOT SUNBURN! My one weakness apart from snakes…is it strange I still have a phobia of them when my bro has a pet one? XD You couldn't figure out which arc it was? Never mind for ALL SHALL BE REVEALED SOON! MUWHAHAHA!**

**Chie-Shire-Cat17: I agree, I completely agree…WHY MINI ELIZA-CHAN? WHY YOU NO LIKE TEA? Wait, I'm the author so I know all this stuff…YOU HEARD NOTHING!**

**CrylikeRaina: Do not fear for Eliza-chan shall like tea one day! SHE SHALL! *looks off into distance dramatically* And you think Eliza-chan will be in the future arc…well, in a sense you are right but not now she isn't…HERE! HAVE THE CRAZINESS! I MISSED IT TOO! ELIZA-CHAN, NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN! NEEEVEEERR! Kufufu ( MUKURO IMPERSONATION FAIL FOR THE WIN!) you want to know where Eliza-chan learnt her swords skills? Well, all shall be revealed…soon….ish….**

**xXxMentalPancakesxXx: Don't worry, my cat stopped questioning my sanity a LONG time ago…*stares at the animal* GET OFFA MAH BED AND STOP EATING THE CUCUMBER! One of my best friends nicknamed me Posh Rich American Bitch -_- they are so nice to me aren't they? XD WEIRD PEOPLE FOR THE WIN! WOOOHHOOO!**

**A simple fan: Now I want to be Turkish -_- DAMN MY AMERICAN-ENGLISH-SORT OF FRENCH NATIONALITY! DAAAMMMNNN YYYOOOUUUU! All shall be explained including mini Eliza-chan's hatred of tea…I think…MEH! ONWARDS TO THE FUTURE! I MEAN PAST! GAAAAH, TEN YEAR BAZOOKA ARE MESSING UP MY MIND! TAT**

**Your fan/ Tempesta Di il Nebbia: I shall do as you ask as…*looks at calendar and then realizes I don't have one* SOON! It is an awesome one XD TEA DREAMS FOR THE WIN!**

**Namejudaimo'z: TOOOOOO THHHHEEE EEEXXXTTRRREEEMMMMEEEE! XD**

**ShinigamiinPeru: Indeed! This is all incredulous! AND I STILL DON"T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS! But I shall accept it willingly! I thought up the whole 'SEND ELIZA_CHAN TO THE PAST BECAUSE I AM RANDOM' thing ages ago…does that mean it isn't random any more? MEH! WHATEVER! Do not fear for all about mini Eliza-chan shall be revealed and you never know we might find out about why she becomes the way she does in the future *hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge***

**Mistress of Madness: NO! DON'T BURN HER! I agree, her not liking tea is blasphemy but without her we shall not have awesome future Eliza-chan! So DON'T DO IT! Indeed Bel, you have FAILED ALL PRINCES EVERYWHERE! I…I BANISH THEE! Wait no, you are too sexy to banish! COME BAACCCKKK! All this shaking…IT IS MAKING ME DIZZY! 'osufsfgshfsjfjsn (****the reason why you shall not ever try to shake me again. I think) But do not worry for now we have awesome insane Eliza-chan to soothe our angered minds! WOOHHHOOO!**

**FreeWeirdGal: Don't tell anybody but you were one of the only one who got the idea for the arc right XD AND you got all the hints! YOU ARE THEREFORE A GENIUS! AND DO NOT TRY AND CHANGE MY MIND! MUWHAHAHA!**

**KayleeXD: CHEEEEEESSSSEEEEE XD Xanxus is an AWESOME Tea-ist, mark my words! He prays everyday and leaves offerings of biscuits to the Tea God, Elizabeth watching on in tea-pproval. My brothers doing my A-levels right now…damn smart person…oh Fran, our awesome slightly evil frog ninja. What would we do without you and your kind of Elizabeth like monsters? Don't even know why I made them like Eliza-chan but AH WELL! Don't make Fran angry? I think you may have a point there…I MUST GO OFF AND DRAW A PICTURE OF THE VARIA IN TEA CUP UNIFORMS! WISH ME LUCK! Xanxus's alcohol tolerance is indeed very high but due to TYY! Eliza-chan's shocking betrayal of the Tea God h-he sniff HE COULDN'T TAKE IT! Yeah. Tht's my explanation XD IT's too hard to write TYY! Eliza-chan TAT WHY IS SHE NOT INSANE? WHY? Oh wait, I know why…sorry, MAH BAD!**

**A simple fan: are you the same simple fan from before? Hmmm…I'VE UPDATED ANYWAY! After…way too long =_=**

**Kris: Wao…late on updating…XD…and do not fear, TYY! Eliza-chan will like tea by the end ;) you were also one of the only people to get that it was the varia arc! HURRAY! *Confetti falling* damn you and your awesome shirts! YOU DON'T GET THE CONFETTI ANYMORE! goes off and cries***

**LoStInIlLuSiOn: Late update/dead XD Glad you liked the whole past Eliza-chan thing! I've been thinking about it for a while and thought it was the most amusing way to learn about her past :) one day Eliza-chan will learn about the power of tea, one day…soon XD COFFEE IS ALSO FOR THE WIN! …Eliza-chan…you heard nothing…Squalo is just so happy she is somewhat sane I can imagine him just clinging to her saying 'DON'T GO! DON'T GO TO THE INSANITY! PLEASE!' LOL! Fran has always scared me…and now everyone knows why…O.o…and your views on drunk Xanxus I completely agree with. I was actually laughing so much when I was imagining it that it took me around ten minutes to be fine again…my brother laughed longer if that makes it any better :/ **

**BloodieReader: Embracing my insanity? Whatever made you think that? *looks off innocently* strange looks? Psh, I got past that stage a LONG time ago XD Hop I am keeping up the good work \(^-^)/**

Chapter 17: Screw the laws of physics I AM TIME TRAVELLER!

"…WE USE THE POWER OF- huh?" Elizabeth blinked as the pink smoke surrounding her disappeared and found herself standing in the middle of a pavement.

"HIIIEE! LAMBO, YOU HIT SOMEONE!"

"A hit and run Dame-Tsuna. A hit and run."

"B-But what if they are hurt Reborn? We can't just leave them there!"

Cue innocent gaze. "Yes we can."

"BUWHAHAHA, LAMBO-SAN IS THE GREATEST!"

"AH, LAMBO! WAIT!"

Elizabeth watched in mild amusement as a familiar looking brunette along with a fedora wearing baby and cow print covered infant past her by without even properly acknowledging her presence. "Well, that was completely ordinary!" she clasped her hands together before looking down at a bag at her feet. "Ooh, a strangers bag. FINDERS KEEPERS!" cackling evilly she picked it up and ripped it open before blinking. "Oh, it's mine…" she murmured after seeing a picture of her younger self in a small wallet. "WELL IT'S STILL MINE! Wait, but if it was mine in the first place then how can it still be mine?"

There was a short pause.

"GAH I NEED TEA!" she shoved her bag onto her shoulder after taking her Varia jacket off and stuffing it in her bag. That was still hers. HURRAY! Then she began to skip happily down the street, several passerby's giving her strange looks as she did so. Not that she cared for she knew they were only jealous of her inner strength to do so, to skip were none had so boldly skipped before!

Yeah, just keep telling yourself that.

After a little while-five seconds-Elizabeth was lying on the floor, her eyes drooping as she turned to her bag sorrowfully. "I-I'm sorry dear friend, I…I CANNOT GO ON! You must find the bag king for me…find them and DESTORY THEM!"

The bag said nothing.

"I knew you would agree! I KNEW YOU WOULD!"

"Hey mummy, why is that woman talking to her bag?" a little child asked.

"Don't look at her too long child, idiocy is contagious!" the woman snapped, dragging them away as the brunette watched them go.

"They just do not understand our pain bag! THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND!" suddenly Elizabeth sat upright again, her hair sticking up randomly. "I SMELL TEA DEAR BAG! I-I AM SAAAAVVVVVVEEEEEDDD! In celebration I shall call you something! TEA BAG! Mmmm, tea bag…." Getting to her feet she suddenly wondered whether she should be the slightest bit concerned about how she was actually in the past in would be stuck there for two whole weeks whilst her past self was at the base with all of her subordinates in the future.

…Nah, it would probably be FINE.

The young woman then ran off in search of this fabled tea, Tea Bag by her side as a loyal companion/bag.

_Nearby_

"Ushi shi shi~!" Bel glared at his so called supportive _comrades_ as Lussuria always put it from underneath his bangs. "You dragged the prince out of bed for _this_?"

"VOOOOOIIII! Of course we fucking did!" Squalo roared. "And it is already the afternoon you lazy fat ass!"

Cue knives appearing. "Care to repeat what you called the prince again sharkie?"

"VOOOOIII! MY NAME IS NOT FUCKING SHARKIE!"

"Alright, alright, calm down Squ-chan~!" Lussuria cooed making the man turn on him.

"MY NAME IS NOT FUCKING SQU-…What the hell are you wearing?"

Lussuria blinked, looking down at his sparkly, SPARKLY jumpsuit with love hearts sewn on in hot pink. "…Too much?"

"…I'm not even going to comment," he sighed before glaring at Bel once again, Levi taking a step forwards.

"As I said earlier, boss wants you to remove your tiara when we do engage in combat with those snotty fake tenth generation guardians," he stated curtly, Bel glaring at him.

"It is not a tiara. It is a _crown!_"

"Heh, could have fooled me," Squalo scoffed.

"Ushi shi shi~! Want to die sharkie?"

"VOOOOIIII! MY NAME IS NOT FUCKING SHARKIE FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME!"

"The _tiara_," Levi grinned with satisfaction. "Is far too wimpy for boss's tastes. Take it off."

"Hell no."

"Take it off."

"Hell no."

"Take it OFF!"

"Hell NO!"

"VOOOOOIIIII! TAKE IT FUCKING OFF!"

At this moment Mammon entered holding a wad of bills in his hands Yes HIS hands. He may SEEM like a girl, he may somewhat LOOK like a girl and maybe when bored ACT like a girl but trust me HE'S A MAN! Err, baby. Thing. "Muu…I don't particularly care for your very perverted if taken out of context comment however if it costs money I shall be forced to stop whatever you are doing, sexual or not."

"…Mammon."

"What is it commander?"

"Shut the fuck up."

"Pay me first."

As the two began to argue-Squalo being the one arguing most-Lussuria sighed. "If only they understood me like you do my dear child Gola Moska-chan."

Gola Moska said nothing.

"I know, I know. I'll get you those cup cakes tomorrow."

"AND I'LL FUCKING DO IT AS WELL YOU GREEDY BASTARD!" Squalo yelled at Mammon and, as he turned to leave the room completely, stopped in his tracks upon seeing a young woman hanging upside down just outside the window. "…Mammon?"

"What?" the baby snapped, rather annoyed after having argued with him.

"You booked the hotel right?"

"Cost much more than I would have initially would have paid for but yes, I did," the arcobaleno cocked his head to the side. "Why?"

"Which floor are we on again?"

"The top one, the 10th as boss requested."

"Then how the fuck is there a girl hanging outside our fucking window upside down without looking even fucking SCARED?"

Mammon looked towards the window and Elizabeth waved animatedly in response. "…I need more money if I have to deal with this all the time," he muttered under his breath as the brunette was spotted by Levi who immediately labeled her as an assassin after his boss's life and charged at her. Unfortunately for him and fortunately for everyone in the world who currently wants him DEAD –cougheveryonecough-he forgot there was glass in the way. Crashing through it. Falling the ten floors down.

SPLASH!

"Fuck, why is there a fountain everywhere?" Elizabeth swore as she flipped round into the room through the broken glass and blinked. "Wait, you aren't the bag king…who ARE you?"

"VOOOOIII! Who the fuck are you?" Squalo hollered, pointing accusingly at her.

"Hey! Answer my question first damn it! Early bird gets the badass laser gun after all! And the tea! Mmmmmm teeeeaaaaaa…" as Elizabeth went off in a daze, Bel walked up to her calmly and put a knife to her throat.

"Ushi shi shi~! What is a peasant doing in here?" he sang, grinning as a thin trail of blood escaped from the folds of her skin.

"I LEVELLED UP!"

"What?" the blonde cocked his head to the side, confused.

"Nothing~!" Elizabeth then gasped and, escaping Bel's knife easily by simply stepping backwards, rushed towards a certain girly man who was currently blinding everyone with their shininess.

No, NOT Squalo.

"LUSS-NEE, YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL!" she gushed, the man clasping his hands together.

"Awwww, you are TOO kind honey! Now, who the hell are ya?"

"HEY! MY QUESTION FIRST DAMN IT!" Elizabeth rounded on Squalo again. "Hurry up damn it, I ain't got time and I have a bazooka!"

"Ushi shi shi~! Where might that be?" Bel inquired, seeing no such weapon.

"SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW~!"

"…Forget the prince asked."

Squalo eyed the brunette cautiously. "VOOOOII! How did you even get in here?" he hissed, the girl flipping some hair behind her shoulder.

"A truck, a lollipop, some glue and a hell of a lot of pushing buttons repeatedly. Damn those elevators are slow…" Elizabeth shook her head disappointedly. "And to think dinosaurs ruled this earth without much difficulty at all.

"They were hit by a meteorite and wiped out instantly," Mammon pointed out in a bored fashion.

"LIES! LIES I TELL YOU! IT WAS THE TENNIS PLAYERS! THEY DID IT!"

Mammon turned to Squalo in one swift movement. "She's insane."

"BITE ME FROG HEAD! MUWHAHAHA!"

"Agreed," the man sighed before glaring at the girl. "VOOOII! For the last time, who the fuck are you?!"

"Sorry, can't speak now, I'm on a tea break," she informed him, lifting up a cup of tea the Lussuria had just given her.

"Ushi shi shi~! Isn't it usually coffee break?" Bel asked, sitting down on a sofa and watching her from over the back of it. She was rather…interesting.

"COFFEE?" Elizabeth gagged slightly. "Oh HELL NO! I would never break the ten tea commandments for that shit!"

"…I like coffee."

"OH THE HUMANITY!" the brunette fell back into an armchair, fanning herself with her free hand. "All this time I thought you to be a potential tea-ist and you drop this bombshell? I feel betrayed…"

The blonde blinked. "We've only spent five minutes together."

"And what a five minutes they have been…" Elizabeth laughed as she set down her tea and placed her hands on her hips. "Now I demand you take me to your leader!"

"What? NO!" Squalo shouted. "We don't even no who the fuck you are yet!"

"Well TOO BAD! You should have asked when you had the chance!"

"I DID ASK!"

"Well you should have asked when I wasn't on my tea break!"

"ARRRRGGGGHHHH!"

As Squalo proceeded to bang his head repeatedly on a nearby wall, Elizabeth shook her head, turning to Lussuria, Bel and Mammon. "Isn't it rough when she is PMS-ing?"

Bel started to laugh as Lussuria hid a smile behind his mouth, Mammon regarding her coolly. "You'll have to pay me to make me laugh."

"Such a tough crowd…" she shook her head again before suddenly making a move and grabbing Fantasma. "FRAN! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU? OH YOU POOR SOUL! YOU WERE ONLY THREE YEARS OLD!" she sobbed, the frog looking up at her in boredom before sticking out it's tongue and hitting her in the eye. "Oh bitch THIS IS SO ON!"

Cue Elizabeth failing to hit Fantasma in the eye with her tongue for the next few minutes.

"Damn it, where did I do wrong?" she cursed as Squalo grabbed her shoulders and looked into her eyes.

"Who. The. Fuck. Are. You."

"YOUR MOM!"

"VOOOII! That doesn't even make sense!"

"Your MOM doesn't make sense!"

"What the hell you insane bitch?"

"Your MOM is an insane bitch!"

"VOOOOOOOIIIIII!"

"Your MOM is a VOOOOOIIIIII!" Elizabeth suddenly gasped again and picked up her trusty Tea Bag. "MY FRIEND! Do you come bearing news of the king's defeat? Tell me friend? TELL ME!"

Tea Bag said nothing.

"Meh. That's what hi- sorry, HER mom said too," she jerked her thumb in Squalo's general direction. "Now TO THE VARIA'S LEADER!"

Everyone suddenly sprung into defense position, eyeing her warily. "How do you know who we are peasant?" Bel hissed, the girl blinking.

"…Google?" she then stretched her arms and sighed blissfully. "Oh the Japanese air…tastes like Otaku and Lolita!"

"…I think she escaped from an insane asylum," Mammon stated. "Anyway, you'd have to pay me to fix this mess."

"Ushi shi shi~! The prince thinks she should stay," Bel grinned. "She's interesting."

"VOOOOIII! She's a fucking nutcase!" Squalo protested.

"But she's cute!" Lussuria argued. "And she said my outfit was nice!"

"THAT OUTFIT IS HORRIBLE!"

"S-Squ-chan! I-I thought there was…I thought there was some connection for the two of us!" the man cried, burying his face in his hands.

"SQU-CHAN!" Elizabeth hugged Lussuria having popped out of nowhere yet again. "HOW COULD YOU? AGAIN?"

"VOOOOIIII! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU ON ABOUT? I HAVEN'T SAID THAT BEFORE!"

"I can see perfectly why Luss-nee divorced you now!"

"WHAT? WE NEVER GOT MARRIED!"

"To be with them and then bear the boss's children, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!"

"I DON"T UNDERSTAND WAT YOU AR EVEN TALKING ABOUT!"

"Ooh, there's a rainbow outside…"

"ARGH!"

Bel laughed once again and slung an arm around the girl. "Ushi shi shi~! You are amusing. What is your name peasant?"

"Elizabeth Julietançe," the girl answered.

"Y-you got her name THAT easily?" Squalo whispered in disbelief.

"I am a prince after all~!" he sang happily as Elizabeth suddenly looked up at his face. "Ushi shi shi~! What is it peasant?"

"Your hair…" her eyes suddenly filled with tears. "I-It isn't adorable anymore!"

"H-Hey! Don't cry peasant!" the blonde told her hastily as she let a sob escape her throat. "Anyway, why would you even say that when my hair hasn't changed since the first time I met you?"

"Well, it's true it is the first time you have met me but for me it's around the millionth!"

"What did you say?"

"I'M ABOUT TO CRY!"

"Wait! S-stop!" Bel then proceeded to death glare at Mammon who had just taken a picture of the whole event with Elizabeth clutching onto him, her eyes filled with tears.

"Muu…it will cost you around 7 million for this photo."

"Mammy, the prince is not afraid to cut you."

"Well, as long as you aren't cutting yourself…" Elizabeth-who now betrayed no signs of having been close to tears-regarded Bel thoughtfully. "Suicide is NEVER the answer! Apart from in Levi's case. HE should die. Period."

"Ushi shi shi~! The prince agrees~! But how the hell do you know his name anyway?"

"…LOOK OVER THERE!" the brunette pointed towards the doorway of which was coincidentally being opened y Xanxus at that very moment, everything looking at him and freezing apart from Elizabeth herself who had jumped underneath a nearby table. "Heh, suckers…"

"Oi, trash," Xanxus growled, gesturing to Elizabeth's vague position. "Who the fuck is this?"

"A REALLY AWESOME PERSON! BOSS!"

"Did I ask for you to speak you piece of shit?" the man asked, glaring at her.

"No…sorry…" she apologized, noting his killing aura. If the truth be told, with Elizabeth's knowledge of flames she could probably defeat the Varia boss easily if it came down to it but that would mean in the future he would want to kill her so…yeah. She kinda wanted to live if you catch her drift.

See, she WASN'T an idiot! Squalo didn't know what he was talking about. Crazy old woman.

"VOOOOIIII! Why are you calling him boss?" Squalo roared.

"Because his badass level is OVER 9000!"

"Think of the money, think of the money…" Mammon murmured to himself as the longhaired man proceeded to howl in rage at the girl's insane comment.

"Ushi shi shi~! She calls herself Elizabeth Julietançe," Bel informed Xanxus whose eyes narrowed.

"Who the fuck is that?"

"Err…her boss," he pointed at Elizabeth.

"POINTING IS RUDE DAMN IT! DIDN'T YOUR MOTHER TEACH YOU ANY MANNERS?"

"The prince killed his mother."

"Hot _damn_!" Elizabeth gawked. "I guess you drew the line at being forced to watch another cliché love film huh?"

"Ushi shi shi~! The prince doesn't know what you are on about peasant."

"Yeah, neither do I. But we learn a new thing everyday!" she pumped her fists into the air.

"…How is that relevant?"

"YOUR MOM IS RELEVANT! Oh wait, she's dead. My bad."

Suddenly Lussuria let out a scream, pointing frantically at the wall. "KYYYAAAAHHH! A COCKROACH!"

"Don't worry, I got this!" Elizabeth drew both her guns and began to shoot at the animal, Lussuria still screaming as she did so.

"VOOOOIIII! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Squalo hollered, trying to grab one of her arm's.

"I'm helping the poor defenseless Luss-nee of whom you have allowed to be influenced by such…such an atrocity!" she cried. "Honestly, I thought you would do a better job at being manly and standing up for them! Oh wait….your a woman…and old one too…sorry, my bad."

"I AM NOT A FUCKING WOMAN!"

Cue numerous looks of 'yeah right'.

"VOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIII! I'M YOUR FUCKING SUPERIOR!" he howled. "YOU SHOULD FUCKING RESPECT ME!"

"You aren't boss's superior," Elizabeth pointed out.

"KYAAAHHHH! IT'S ON THE VASE!"

"Gotcha Luss-nee! PREPARE TO MEET PAIN COCKROACH!" BANG! BANG! BANG! "Fuck, I missed…."

"STOP BLOWING HOLES IN THE DAMN ROOM!" Squalo yelled.

"It's costing us money," Mammon stated in agreement.

Lussuria smiled at the baby. "Oh Mammon-chan, although I can't say wasting money is a good idea right now THERE IS A GOD DAMN COCKROACH IN THE ROOM!" he began to shake the arcobaleno frantically. "SO GET THE GOD DAMN COACKROACH OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW AND- KYAAAAAHHH! IT'S ON GOLA MOSKA-CHAN!"

"Don't worry," everyone turned to see Elizabeth now holding a bazooka. From where? Somewhere over the rainbow of course! "I got this."

"VOOOOIII! LIKE HELL YOU GOT THIS!" Squalo tried to tackle her to the ground only to have the girl kick him swiftly in the face.

"I'LL SCREAM RAPE!"

"I'M NOT FUCKING RAPING YOU!"

"COULD'VE FOOLED ME!"

"KYAAAAAAHHHH! IT'S ON GOLA MOSKA-CHAN'S HAND!"

"Don't worry, I got this."

"VOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIII!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" everyone turned to look at Xanxus with his guns out. "I'll get the fucking cockroach out of here!"

"Wait, boss!" Mammon, Bel and Squalo yelled as he pointed his guns at Gola Moska.

"Do it, do it, do it," Elizabeth chanted maniacally. Suddenly she gasped. "WAIT! STOP!"

Much to everyone's surprise, Xanxus did stop and glared at her. "What scum?"

"It's a giant robot right?"

"What of it?"

"A giant FIGHTING robot right?"

"Get to the point trash."

"WE SHOULD TOTALLY USE THEM BY FLYING AROUND INSIDE THEM WITH REALLY COMPLICATED CONTROLS AND TAKE OVER JAPAN UNDER THE ALIAS OF BRITANNIA AND STUFF!"

"…" Xanxus went back to shooting the cockroach.

"AH well. At least I tried," she shrugged before putting on some sunglasses. "I be PIMPIN'! Ooh, Luss-nee is wearing the badass sunglasses too~!"

"I always do try to look my best," Lussuria admitted, posing slightly.

"VOOOOIII! Who the fuck cares abut that when that shitty boss is about to DESTROY a robot to kill that damn cockroach?!" Squalo howled.

"In his defense, it was a very annoying cockroach," Elizabeth pointed out.

"LIKE I GIVE A CRAP!"

Suddenly Xanxus grunted, everyone looking at him. "…The cockroach got inside the robot."

There was silence.

"VOOOOOOOIII! THAT FUCKING ROBOT HAS FUCKING DELICATE WIRING!" the longhaired man yelled, running up to Gola Moska.

"A killer robot is delicate? Makes perfect sense…" Mammon muttered under his breath as Squalo continued to yell about how everyone apart from him was an idiot.

"Ah well, at least the ninth will have company now!" Elizabeth beamed happily, everyone looking at her in shock. "I mean, yeah sure a tv might have been better or some radio but a cockroach is a great pet! You can take your anger out on it, punch it, shoot at it WHATEVER and it's still alive! Stress relief for the win!"

"Y-you know the ninth Vongola boss is inside?" Squalo whispered in disbelief.

"Tch, who do you think I am? Some sort of an idiot!" There was a pause. "Actually, please don't answer that."

"Trash," Xanxus pointed his guns at her. "How the fuck did you find out?"

"I'M PSYCHIC! MUWHAHAHA!"

"Be fucking _serious!_" the man growled, his fingers itching to do it. Beside him his second command was willing him on to do it.

"I don't think I can do…serious," she shot a vase before looking at him again, her eyes narrowed.

"B-boss…" Levi suddenly appeared at the door, soaking wet. "I-I have returne-"

He was cut off by Elizabeth and Xanxus both shooting him, the brunette then marching up to him and throwing him out the window. SPLASH! "Fuck, WHY ARE THEY EVERYWHERE?" Pissed off, she grabbed a cup of tea and downed it in one go. "Ah, inner tea peace…"

"VOOOOIII! WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH YOU AND TEA?"

"Bitch, tea is fucking AWESOME!" Elizabeth shrieked. "Don't diss it!"

"I wasn't!"

"Good Squ-chan."

"VOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIII!"

"Ushi shi shi~!" Bel danced over to Elizabeth. "Now peasant, you are going to tell us how you knew the ninth was inside that robot."

"I am?"

"Yes you are.

"GOOGLE THEN!"

Squalo begun to bang his head into the wall. "Why…why…why…"

"Ah, Squ-chan's broken," Lussuria remarked in a bored tone. "Do you think we should call an ambulance?"

"Nah, he should pay for all those times he's been rude to you Luss-nee!" the girl protested.

"Ah, good point…"

"NO IT FUCKING ISN'T!" the man yelled.

Elizabeth yawned, waving her hand in an offhand manner. "Details, details."

"IT'S MY LIFE!"

"Well, you seem fine so is it _really_?"

"…Bitch."

"Exactly," she winked before turning back to Bel who was still waiting for a proper answer. "The Tea God told me it."

"Ushi shi shi~! That isn't a proper answer."

"Uh, HELL YES IT IS!"

"Muu…boss, I don't think it matters too much anyway," Mammon informed Xanxus. "She's just an idiot, no one would believe her anyway."

"Tch, fucking trash," the man stuffed his guns back in their holsters and glared at the woman as she was now telling Bel why tea was damn AWESOME, the blonde probably asleep. After all, with his eyes closed you could never tell whether he was or not.

"So, what should we do with her boss?" the arcobaleno wondered.

"Get the shark trash to kill her or something, like I give a shit."

Wow, aren't you nice Xanxus. Caring so much.

"Hmph. _Gladly_," Squalo grinned as he lunged at the girl, her instincts kicking in instantly and flipping backwards, her feet landing against the wall. Pushing herself off it she then landed on his sword and, tutting at his amateur movements as she flicked his nose. Growling at the obvious insult, Squalo swiped his sword almost randomly to get her off it. In response she jumped forwards, her hands grabbing onto his head and used it to flip over him, throwing him over her as well. Pressing a gun to his head, she grinned.

"What's this about killing me?"

Squalo's eyes widened in shock. She wasn't just some random idiot, she was a powerful one. And had a gun. "Brat…who the fuck are you?"

"Awesome~!"

"BE SERIOUS DAMN IT!" he growled, trying to roll out from underneath her and earned a swift kick under the chin, her foot staying there.

"I don't think I can do _serious_~!" she sang happily. "But I can crush your neck."

Squalo could of sworn he heard someone yell 'SUCK ON THAT BITCH'.

"Wait," Xanxus's gruff voice resounded through the room and Elizabeth turned to see him smiling. In that moment she decided she didn't like it when he smiled. "Trash, you can fight?"

"I'm a professional assassin!" she exclaimed, putting a hand to her heart as if hurt. "I would be ashamed if I could not!"

"VOOOOIII! Why the fuck didn't you say so earlier then?" Squalo roared.

"I didn't feel like it."

"VOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIII!"

"This is bad then boss," Mammon pointed out. "She's not just an idiot like we thought before. If she gets out with that information-"

"Ushi shi shi~! Are you from the CEDEF peasant?" Bel asked suddenly, the girl tossing her hair behind her shoulder.

"Hell no! I'm from the Vari-Variables! Variables!" she managed to catch herself at the last moment. "You ain't heard of the Variables? We are badass! Beating up guys with our…variability…"

Cue numerous 'sure you do' looks.

"Ya just jealous we got VARIETY! Oh yeah, I JUST WENT THERE!" Elizabeth yelled, doing a peace sign. "BOO YAH!"

"So…these Variables…" Lussuria began.

"Haha, you just said Variables!" the brunette giggled.

"But you just said that too Eliza-chan!"

"…Admittedly, I did not think that one through."

Squalo snorted. "Since when did you think anything through?"

"Say that when you aren't at gun point next time Squ-chan."

"VOOOOOIII! MY NAME IS NOT SQU-CHAN!"

Xanxus glared at Elizabeth once more before coming to a decision. "We keep the fucking trash with us at all times," he barked. "Let her out of your sight at any point and you are all _dead_."

And with that he left. To go drink booze or whatever, like hell if anyone actually knew what he did! I mean, all those hours cooped up in his room, maybe he was practicing his evil laugh? He sure as hell wasn't doing any work, that was certain!

_Five minutes later_

"BOOOOOOSSSSSSSS!" Xanxus glared at Levi as he ran into his hotel room, panting and covered in blood. Meh, like he gave a crap. "T-The woman!"

"What the fuck about her?"

"S-SHE'S GONE! The prince brat too!"

Xanxus looked between Levi and his wine glass before sighing. "I need more booze if I have to deal with shit like this from now on."

_Elsewhere_

"Damn, these boots are AWESOME!" Elizabeth gushed, admiring the white boots that Bel had given her; his spare ones. In fact, she had ended up having to borrow a ton of his clothes after Levi had dumped a whole load of water on her having not been there when Xanxus had okayed her to stay, this being the reason why he was covered in blood. Those clothes cost a bloody fortune damn it! Bel had ended up being the one closest to her in size so she was now wearing one of his stripy shirts too, it being way too big for him also and the sleeves were rolled up to her elbows, the hemline also reaching way past her waist. With the skinny black jeans she and Bel were wearing almost identical clothing, this being quite the spectacle for onlookers in the street. "Where the fuck did you get these beauties?"

"Ushi shi shi~! The prince had them hand made," the blonde informed her, part of him wondering whether they should have told the others they were going outside.

Meh, it's probably be fine…

"Huh, guess it makes sense captain…"

"What did you just call me?" Bel looked at her, blinking slightly in confusion.

"I said Bel. Bel."

"Right…why did the peasant want to go outside anyway?"

"I want a sword."

That was…not completely random at all! "Ushi shi shi~! You are a swordswoman?"

"Hell yeah!" she grinned, her green eyes dancing. "A damn good one too!"

"You use guns though."

"Meh, it's easier than cutting people's heads off," she shrugged before squealing slightly. "A TEASHOP!" she rushed off to admire it from the outside, Bel watching her race away in thought.

This Elizabeth was fairly pretty, her long hair and sparkling eyes rather attractive. It wasn't like HE was attracted to her, god no! She looked ten or so years older than him! But still, she was damn interesting. She didn't seem to care too much that she was surrounded by mostly lethal assassins-Levi was there after all-and to beat one so easily as if it were breathing, it was insane! Add the fact she was armed with dangerous information and she was one curious character. If he were ten years older he would have probably pounced on the girl but he wasn't so it didn't matter too much he guessed, following after her.

"MUWHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT SQU-CHAN! TEASHOPS DO EXIST!" she cackled before blinking. "Yo! How's life? Mine's awesome. I GOT A TEASHOP!"

Bel blinked. "Cool."

"I KNOW RIGHT!" giggling, she grabbed his arm and pulled him inside the shop only to gasp. "THIS ISN'T A TEASHOP!"

"No it isn't," the shop attendant nodded.

"YOU LIED TO ME!"

"Yes. Yes I did."

"BITCH! BASTARD! SKURWYSYNU!"

Bel blinked again. "You know polish peasant?"

"APPARENTLY!" she turned on the shop attendant again. "WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?"

"Because I needed customers and selling myself as a weapons store isn't working…"

"LYING DOESN'T WORK EITHER! Don't make me swear at you in polish again!"

"I-I'm sorry! Please forgive me!"

"NIGDY DRANIU! Wait, how are we even having this conversation when I'm pretty certain I'm speaking Italian/Polish and you Japanese?"

"I DON'T KNOW, JUST PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"

"Ushi shi shi~! Should I kill them for you?" Bel asked Elizabeth who shook her head furiously.

"LET THE TEA GOD ADMINISTER THEIR PUNISHMENT!"

"Err…what?"

Elizabeth placed a hand on his shoulder and shook his head. "One day young one, one day…ooh, a nice katana!" she skipped off and took the weapon off the wall, balancing it in her hands. Then, with a flick of her hand, she drew it in one swift movement, admiring the blade. "I WANT THIS ONE DAMMIT!"

"Ah, that one is our pride and jo-"

"SHUT IT NIGDY DRANIU!"

"I-I'm so sorry!"

Bel could not help but sigh as Elizabeth now held the shop attendant somewhat hostage with the tip of the katana pointed at their neck. "Peasant, just hurry up and buy the thing so that we can leave already!" he hissed impatiently, the brunette blinking before rubbing her head sheepishly.

"About that…I ain't got no money."

Bel fell over almost comically. "No wonder you wanted the prince to come…" he muttered, the brunette continuing to laugh. "Ushi shi shi~! The prince is not paying."

"WHAT? B-But think of all the things we have ever done together!"

"We have spent fifteen minutes together."

"Damn, there goes my argument…" Elizabeth sighed, sheathing the blade once again. "And I was going to stab that Squ-chan with it…Levi too…"

"How much was it again?" Bel asked the shop attendant, a wad of bills having magically appeared in his hands making the brunette smirk.

"Heh, sucker…"

In moments the two were out of the shop, Elizabeth with a katana hanging at her hip. "Ushi shi shi~! You done now peasant?"

"HELL NO! I still need to find that one special teashop! I know I shall find it! I KNOW I SHALL!" the girl vowed dramatically.

"And what will you do when we find it?" Bel asked skeptically. "Make the prince buy tea for you?"

"Maybe?"

Cue blank look.

"Yes…BUT IT'S WITH GOOD INTENTIONS!"

"How can tricking someone out of their money be with good intentions?" the blonde muttered making her cast a sideways glance at him.

"Wow, you were some depressing teen! C'mon, let it go, catch mah drift~!"

"…The prince isn't even going to point out how many things were wrong with that sentence peasant," he stated as the woman went on and on about being young. "Anyway, you were probably some insane teenager if your mentality now is anything to go by peasant!"

The brunette stopped mid-rant, a small smile now playing about her lips. "Nah, I was just some nerd until I met some super insane people who didn't really like me," she drawled before crossing her arms behind her head and pursing her lips. "I'm thirsty~!"

"Ushi shi shi~! The prince isn't paying for your tea."

"BITCH! TEA IS ALMIGHTY!" she smacked his arm. "HOW COULD YOU DENY ME IT?"

"I just did."

"Damn! Foiled again!" she snapped her fingers with disappointment. "Now, let's go get mah tea~!"

Bel sighed again. "You didn't listen to a word I just said did you?"

"Nope!"

"Don't sound pleased about it peasant!" he snapped.

"I just did."

"…You did that on purpose."

"No I didn't!"

She did. Like a BOSS. Now, to go find her tea…

**NO EXTRA TODAY BECAUSE DISCOABC IS FEELING HORRIBLE AND THE YOUTUBE VIDEO ON MY SCREEN IS KINDA…DISTRACTING. -_-* I think I failed at this chappie :P AH WELL! AT least I finally updated! YAY!**


	18. The Decaf Part One

**Damn is this a late update…-_-* Blame everyone getting me ill every other week! I need to become a hermit so I don't keep catching other people diseases T^T Shout outs~!**

**xXxMentalPancakesxXx: My dog hasn't tried eating my homework…yet. I know she's thinking about it damn it! I KNOW IT! Cats are all just 'Lol wut?' XD My friends are all like 'I know, lets go annoy so and so' and I go 'you evil people…let's go' because, as you said, we are all evil bitches inside. MUWHAHAHA! Your plan. ME likes. IDIDITALLFORTHEPANCAKE.**

**A simple fan: NOOOO! DON'T DIE! BYAKURAN'S STOPPED WORKING FOR ME FOR MARSHMALLOWS SO HE CAN'T HELP! *shakes fist at the sky* WHY HARIBO? WHY YOU STEAL HIM AWAY WITH YOUR SUUUUGGGGAAARRRR? Not that I'm on a sugar rush. Obviously. Your answer to why there are fountains everywhere? Levi carries them around on him. Problem solved. So, next time you are about to be thrown off a building, drag him with you. He might even die. YAY! Kufufu (laughter change again) you shall find out what happened to mini Eliza-chan…NOW! Wait, you have to scroll down first! DAMN IT! Y-you think my chapter are masterpieces? O^O I CAN DIE HAPPIY NOW! No wait! I have to write the chapter first damn it!**

**Kris: HIGH FIVE ME SISTA! BEL'S BOOTS ROCK TO THE EXTTTREEEEEEMMMEEE! Actually, I don't know why hardly anyone else figured out it was the Varia arc…I mean…yeah…O.o Every time I see the word Variables I can't stop laughing now XD *reads rest of review and goes into corner* WHY? WHY YOU HAVE AWESOME SHIRTS? WHY NOT ME? TTATT**

**LaughterGirl: I can say one thing in response to your review: AWWWWEEESSSOOOMMMME!**

**KayleeXD: Children's card games FTW XD Hey! Eliza-chan is a GREAT thief! It takes guts to steal what is already yours when you are an awesome assassin/academic in training! Wait…what? Mammon only acts like a girl when you pay him (obviously) or when he's drunk. And you really don't want to see that…I lie. It's awesome. XD. Levi probably has a gun that shoots out fountains or something…lucky bastard…BUT YOU WON'T BE SO LUCKY THIS TIME! MUWHAHAHA! The lucky charms shall always be mine! ALWAYS! Bel doesn't know how to deal with crying girls :/ Which is why, if Squalo really wanted to beat him up, h-SHE should just start crying. (Squalo: VOOOIIII! I AM NOT A GIRL! Me: YOUR MOM! Squalo: …That didn't even make sense. Me: YOUR MOM DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! Squalo: …) The reason Eliza-chan suggested putting Code Geass into action is because I have watched too much YouTube. It's a strange place out there…I need what you said about the Variables as a t–shirt. Period. There is a reason to why Bel always flirts with Eliza-chan *wink wink nudge nudge* BEL'S BOOTS ARE FRICKEN AWESOME! FULL STOP! XD**

**ShinigamiinPeru: And to think I thought that chapter was a fail XD Don't worry, you will probably have a few more squeal moments when this –as I have now dubbed it- Timey wimey arc is over as I'm gonna make Eliza-chan's and Bel's relationship go a little further with (SPPPPOOOIILLLLEEERRR) a love triangle. XD**

**Pailrose: You fear for the Varia? I FEAR FOR THE WORLD! MUWHAHAHA! I'm switching between mini-Eliza and normal Eliza every chapter so we have mini-Eliza this time!**

**Soul Vrazy: Yeah, I was sick but I'm much better now :) And can I still have the cookies? Pwease? *big sparkly eyes***

**FreeWeirdGal: Confusing? Whatever makes you think that way…XD**

**AkainoHotaru: Awww, I'm glad you like this fic and Eliza! Most of my characters are pretty insane though…says a lot about me huh? XD Bel and Eliza…one day, one day *shakes head at them***

**LeoInyuka: Crying laughter FTW! XD I laughed too at all those moments especially when Xanxus was drunk…I have way too much fun when writing this thing -_-* Those quotes from my story though made me go 'HEY, I REMEMBER WRITING THAT! Wait, no I don't…meh' like the insane person I am. YAY!**

**LunaLightSerenade: I GIVE TO YOU THE NEXT CHAPTER! XD**

**Momoxtsuna123: I accept your thanks! AS RANDOMLY AS POSSIBLE! MUWHAHAHA! **

**Angela: If soon means a very long time then…I CONSIDER THIS A WIN!**

**Mistress of Madness: Why the Varia don't remember? Well that my friend is…SPOLIERS *runs off* YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE! MUWHAHAHA!**

**Chie-Shire-Cat17: Every chapter I switch between mini-Eliza and normal Eliza. PROBLEM SOLVED.**

**xXSkarletxWarriorXx: Aww, glad you like it XD. And to think I thought that chapter was a complete fail…**

**Angelgirl236: Laughter heals and kills? This girl is wise! WISE I TELL YOU! My answer to your 'what does tea taste like' is: pretty damn good. Eliza-chan's: IT TASTES LIKE HEEEAAAVVVEEENNN! Tangled is awesome! HIGH FIVE ME! **

**Viper'sGirl: Whoa…you don't like crack stories but you like this? …THIS IS A WIN I TELL YOU! A WIN! Seriously though (serious? Psh, don't even know what it means!) I'm glad you like this fic. Happy reviews make me happy! YAY FOR SORT OF KID SPEAK! Then again my mental age is a three year old insane genius so meh *shrugs* I'll try and do Aladdin as soon as possible since I still have a few requests to go through but it is already forming in my mind…I love it…XD**

**Vinci-Chan: I'm glad you like it! Hope you enjoy this chappie too! XD**

**Rin-X-Edden: I'm happy you find it funny! Hope you find this chapter good too!**

**Vanessa Celestine Blanchette: Awww, thank you! By the way your name is epic. No questions about it. It makes me look at my penname and go 'I have failed the world by not thinking up something so epically awesome'.**

**George: WHY THANK YOU! Randomness and hilarity is what I aim to achieve and I have gotten BOTH! And I have updated finally so…LE SPARKLES~! XD**

**S-so many reviews…O.o**

Chapter 18: The Decaf Part One

"You WHAT?" Squalo stared in shock at the sixteen year old Elizabeth who tapped her foot on the floor impatiently, clad in her Varia uniform that was slightly to big for her, the sleeves being folded up so they reached her elbows however not in a scruffy way, her skirt having to be hitched up slightly and her conversers fitting. Hurray for non-growing feet!

"I said I made breakfast," she pointed at the table covered with plates of delicious food and _was that a puffer fish?_

"VOOOOOOIIII! You know how to cook fucking PUFFERFISH?" the man- IN HIS DREEEEAAAAAAMS- hollered, the brunette before him rolling her eyes lazily.

"No, it just happened to appear there randomly, don't pay any attention to it," she murmured, scowling slightly as she moved to walk past Squalo only to pause after seeing his expression. "What, you actually BELIEVE that?"

"O-of course not!"

Cue blank stare.

"He did," Fran stated bluntly after a few moments of silence.

Bel grinned as he sat himself down. "Ushi shi shi~ you mean 'she' did."

"VOOOOIIIII! I AM NOT A FUCKING WOMAN!" Squalo then paused to look at the blonde boy; a slightly bemused expression on is face. "Wait, why are you saying that? Isn't that your fucking lieutenant's thing?"

Elizabeth's scowl grew. "That lieutenant is still here you know, your future one or not."

"VOOOOIII! LIKE I GIVE A FUCK!"

"SHARK MEAT! LANGUAGE!" Lussuria scolded from the kitchen which had a big sign on it saying 'KEEP OUT IF YOUR NAME IS ELIZABETH JULIETANÇE. THE TEA IS IN YOUR OFFICE. LIKE IT ALWAYS IS.' Apparently they had learnt from the last time the girl had gone in there. Of course this younger Elizabeth had looked at the sign and ignored it since, well, she thought everyone in this place was insane. She had even come up with a theory that this so called Varia HQ was actually a mental asylum, Belphegor in there because he was convinced he was a prince, Squalo because he had a seriously weird fixation with sharks-his bedroom was mentally disturbing. Full stop-Xanxus because after that display of 'I LUUUURRRRVVVEEE YOU GUYS EXCEPT YOU LEVI MUWHAHAHAHA' whilst being drunk it was only a natural conclusion, Levi because he was a stalker, no more evidence required, Lussuria because he had an equally disturbing fixation with shark meat as Squalo did sharks and Fran because…

Because he is. Now BACK TO THE STORY!

"MY NAME ISN'T FUCKING SHARK MEAT! IT'S SQU-CHAN!"

"Give him a second," Fran muttered as everyone stared at the long haired (wo)man in slight amusement.

"…Oh you _bastards._"

The self-proclaimed prince laughed at their commander's reaction, swinging his feet up onto the table at which he got a disapproving look from both Lussuria. Oh he was so gonna have to wipe that mud off unless he wanted to end up like Levi bleeding slowly to death in the corner.

Note to self, never touch Lussuria's hair and then say 'The boss's is cooler'.

"Ushi shi shi~! Since the prince's servant is not here then how else will your status as a woman be assured strategy commander?" he drawled.

"VOOOIII! I AM NOT A FUCKING WOMAN FOR THE LAST TIME! OR SHARK MEAT SO DON'T YOU FUCKING START LUSSURIA!"

"SHAAAAARRRRKKKK MMMEEEEAAAAATTTT!"

"VOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIII!"

Whilst this was going on, Elizabeth was glaring at Bel. Why was she glaring at Bel? And was he glaring back? Who knows, after all, we don't even know what his eyes look like! Maybe they aren't even THERE! And maybe he's actually an ALIEN PRINCE! So when the crazy Elizabeth sung about Bel being a prince from outer space, she was actually hinting she knew more than she was letting on…but we do know WHY Elizabeth is glaring at Bel right now. Why?

"The peasant cooked _this_?"

"Are you implying that I don't know how to cook?" Elizabeth spoke coolly, eyes narrowed. The answer was immediate.

"Yes."

"VOOOOIIII! DON'T TRY AND FUCKING KILL HIM!" Squalo roared as the brunette got out her katana from nowhere. Maybe she has a magic pocket of awesomeness! And maybe that's from outer space too! Oh wait, maybe it's Elizabeth who's the alien and she has replaced the younger one with a shape-shifting fake, explaining why the two are so different! "WOULD YOU SHUT UP?" he yelled at Fran who was reading from a book called 'T.E.A. Call Home'.

"But if we have a fake within our midst they could be a spy," he droned as if he didn't actually care much about the whole thing anyway. Or maybe he did? Meh. He's probably an alien too…

"ALIENS?" Lussuria suddenly shrieked, dropping the mugs of coffee and tea he was carrying. Xanxus is gonna kill him for causing the destruction of that tea later…oh wait, he thinks Lussuria's tea IS shit so he would just destroy it anyway. But it would be destroyed by throwing it over Levi's head meaning it would have gone to a good cause and not all over that expensive, Mammon haunting carpet. "NOOOOOOOO MY CARPET!"

I rest my case.

"ALIENS?" Levi suddenly was brought back from the dead-damn-his eyes wide. "Are they after boss?"

"Because that would be their top priority, kidnapping one alcoholic who likes tea too much," Elizabeth remarked sarcastically.

Levi's eyes narrowed. "How do we know that SHE isn't an alien?"

"VOOOIII! SHE ISN'T A FUCKING ALIEN!" Squalo shouted.

"That's her woman's intuition," Bel remarked with a snigger. He takes his job as Elizabeth's Torment-Squalo-at-every-given-opportunity substitute very seriously.

"VOOOOOOOOIIIIII!"

"Aliens bleed blue blood," Fran then told Levi, wearing glasses that definitely weren't there earlier. "That's how you tell the difference between a human and an alien."

Elizabeth frowned. "I thought that it was royal people who had blue blood…"

"Ushi shi shi~! The prince has blue blood," Bel proclaimed.

"ALIEN!" Levi screeched, pointing accusingly at him. "I'LL DESTROY YOU IN THE NAME OF THE BOSS!"

"NO!" Lussuria jumped in front of Bel meaning he leapt onto the table since he was already sitting down, kicking of one of the plate by accident, it having white-ish meat that smashed into Squalo's face, more specifically his mouth. "I WON'T LET YOU KILL MY CHILD!"

"I thought we were boss's and longhaired commander's children…" Fran pointed out.

"BUT THEY DON'T LOVE YOU LIKE I DOOOOOO!"

"Right…"

Squalo, who had finished chewing the meat, suddenly opened his mouth as Lussuria imitated a certain Poison Scorpion's attack by smashing a puffer fish into Levi's mouth. "VOII! What the fuck is this? It's fucking delicious!"

Elizabeth peered at the plate on the floor, which still had some meat on it. "Ah, I think Lussuria made that," she informed him. "It's La viande de requin."

"Well, tell him to make it agai-" Squalo suddenly froze. "D-did you just say La viande de requin?"

"Yes," she nodded. "I do believe I just said the French for 'Shark meat'."

The man began to choke.

"Was he allergic?" the brunette asked Bel, regarding the spluttering man before her with pure surprise.

"Ushi shi shi~! The peasant has done something good for once!" was his reply, laughing as Squalo stumbled around.

Fran looked at the possibly dying commander with bored eyes. "You cannibal."

"OHOHOHOHO~!" Lussuria laughed manically, his hips shaking in unnerving ways. "I HAVE FINALLY DEFEATED THE SHARK MEAT! WITH SHARK MEAT! OHOHOHO~!"

Elizabeth, now with a little concern, looked closer at the man. "…I think we should call an ambulance."

Levi, whose mouth was slowly bleeding, silently cried. So when he was hit in the face with a puffer fish the group did nothing whilst when Squalo had an allergic reaction to eating his own kind-Fran: Once again, you cannibal-they offered to call an ambulance? He felt so unloved…kinda like normal.

"He's turning purple," Fran observed.

"SHE'S turning purple," Bel corrected with a smirk.

"We should call an ambulance," Elizabeth repeated with a little more confidence.

"NO, WE SHOULD LEAVE HIM TO DIIIIEEEEEE- **LEVI!**" Lussuria screamed, racing over to the man and beginning to throttle him. "**YOU BLED ON THE CARPET AGAIN!**"

Elizabeth looked at the group of assassins. "It's definitely a mental asylum…"

_Later_

When the group was allowed to see Squalo again, they entered the hospital room in an unnatural silence, the doctor smiling happily at them. "Ah, hello! You must be the patient's family!" he put out a hand for Xanxus-who had been persuaded to go with the promise of the finest steak in the land when he got back-to shake. The Varia boss just stared at the hand as if to say 'you want me to shake THAT?' but the doctor simply smiled, not unnerved by the refusal of a shake of the hand. "And, sir, who are you to the patient?"

Before Xanxus could answer/kick this man's ass into the next country or world in which aliens of whom are all shape-shifters and bleed blue blood, Lussuria interrupted. "Yes, he was the patient's husband, I his ex-wife and these Shark Meat's children!" he gestured to Elizabeth Fran and Bel.

"Shark Meat?" the doctor blinked.

"I mean Squ-chan. Squ-chan," the flamboyant man then leaned closer to the doctor. "I didn't want to ask this in front of the children but could you tell me when the body will be allowed to leave the hospital so that we can perform our own funeral?"

"Oh no sir!" the doctor laughed. "You see, the patient is not dead!"

"_What_?"

Two words: Uh oh.

"It was only an allergic reaction!" the (brave) man continued with a chuckle. "They still have some years left in them."

"Not if I can help it."

"Eh?"

"DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" Lussuria began to throttle Squalo making his mouth froth, his arms flailing around limply. "I WON'T LET YOU LIVE AFTER THAT BETRAYL OF MY TRUST, I WON'T!"

The rest of the Varia, including Elizabeth, watched on with unchanging expressions, the doctor still smiling.

Creepy guy.

"DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY FOR YOURSELF HUH? ANYTHING?"

Squalo said nothing.

"DON'T IGNORE ME SHARK MEAT!"

"Ah, sir," the doctor then piped up. "I am sorry to say that the patient's throat has become swollen meaning it is very painful for them to talk," he informed him and the rest of the group apologetically.

"…Trash," Xanxus suddenly spoke, referring to Lussuria who spun around, flowers and sparkles seeming to emit from him.

"Yes boss?"

"We are throwing a fucking party when we get back."

No one opposed him.

"Anyway," the doctor coughed. "If you have no other need for me, I shall be taking my leave. Oh, but before I go, I have a question for you all. You see we had a man with several injuries around and inside his mouth admitted to the hospital earlier today but we have no idea who he is. Do you know him?" he whipped out a picture of the injured Levi.

"No," the group answered in unison.

"Oh, alright then! Bye~!"

The group watched as he walked out, Lussuria also having stopped his task of trying to kill Squalo and now immersing himself in the task of sulking in the corner. "Longhaired commander, I bought you these flowers on the way here. They reminded me of you," Fran laid down some dead flowers on the bed, Squalo twitching slightly but unable to say anything in response.

"Ushi shi shi~! And the prince bought you these cookies," Bel placed down the said food that was shaped like sharks, Squalo's eyes widening at this. "Although you probably will enjoy the flowers better, much more feminine."

Another twitch.

"And the prince also bought them from the Poison Scorpion, Bianchi~!"

Another twitch.

"And they are also specially made to taste like Shark Meat~!"

Lussuria, having heard this, suddenly jumped up. "I'll help you eat it Shark Meat~!"

Squalo flailed slightly as his eyes spun around, trying to find a savior. Fran? No, he's apathetic to other's suffering. Like everything else. Bel? No, he's the one who bought the damn cookies in the first place. Xanxus? No. Just no. Lussuria? HE'S THE ONE TRYING TO KILL HIM DAMN IT! WHY WOULD HE HELP?

And then it was as if a holy light shone down on the man as he saw a way out of his seemingly impossible to escape situation. Of course, it was simple! There was one person who would help him, one person who was somewhat sane, one person who did not think he was A WOMAN! His mouth opened as he stretched his hands towards his soon to be savior, relief washing over him and… "I'm going to get a drink. Does anyone else want anything?" Elizabeth asked as she began to walk out of the door.

"Ushi shi shi~! Coffee," Bel told her.

"Tea," Xanxus spoke gruffly.

"I got my own," Fran said in his monotone voice, sipping on some Mango juice he had not had a second ago. Drink Ninja…

"The blood of a shark who cannot cry out for help," Lussuria's glasses glinted.

Squalo let out a soundless scream.

_Later_

Elizabeth returned balancing three cups of hot drinks in her hands, scowling slightly. All this study time she had missed, it was insane! Oh how was she ever going to catch up at this rate? Annoyed, she pushed open the door to Squalo's room with her shoulder only to pause in the doorway. There she saw Lussuria jumping around, shrieking that 'THE BEAST IS DEAD' whilst Bel was sprawled across two chairs, laughing manically, Fran leaning against a wall as he sipped his drink, Xanxus sprawled across the hospital bed with two nurses that were definitely not there earlier cooing over him, Levi speared to the wall wearing one of those hospital dresses that DID NOT have backs, blood thankfully covering the revealing areas and Squalo lying on the floor, froth coming out of his mouth and the shark cookies surrounding him, giving off a rather peculiar purple smoke.

Meh. Normal enough.

"Ushi shi shi~! The peasant has finally returned," Bel grinned as he threw another knife at Levi, giggling when blood spurted out.

Strange, strange boy…

Elizabeth offered him his drink before passing Xanxus's over to one of the nurses who were creeping out almost everyone with their lines. "If I was an enzyme, I'd be helicase so I could unzip your genes~!"

See? Creepy.

"This coffee smells weird," Bel suddenly announced, sniffing the hot drink.

"I'm sorry, was it not enough for you royal tastes?" Elizabeth snapped, crossing her arms as she took a sip of her own. Losing study time = Cranky Elizabeth. And we no want cranky Elizabeth.

Bel huffed slightly and downed it all in one go before freezing.

Oh no. Not again…

Fran poked Bel. "Cute-sempai, I think you broke them," he announced.

"What do you mean by that?" she cocked her head to one side. "I only gave him a decaf."

Everyone, including Squalo, Levi and the nurses, spun round to look at her. "_What_?"

"What, is a decaf some sort of poison in this future?" Elizabeth rolled her palms towards the ceiling.

Silence.

"Wait, are you guys being serious?"

"V-voi…" Squalo spoke weakly. "You fucking…idiot…decaf makes him go-"

"SHARK MEAT! I SHALL VANQUISH YOU ONCE MORE!"

"G-get away!"

Elizabeth watched in slight confusion as Lussuria pounced on the man- sorry, I mean woman, sipping her coffee again. "Decaf makes him go what?"

"FUCKING DIE!" BOOM!

The room suddenly exploded but everyone got through the explosion unscathed.

"B-boss, I am honored to take the hit of a bit of concrete for you!"

…Like I said, everyone got through the explosion unscathed. "That was *hic* preeeeetttttyyy *hic* boring."

The smoke cleared to see Bel standing with a bazooka from god knows where (probably from where future Elizabeth got it in the past AKA SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW!), flushed and unbalanced. Fran was the first to comment on the situation. "He looks drunk."

"YOU look drunk!" Bel stabbed his finger at the younger boy only to topple forwards and land on Elizabeth. "Teddy beeeeeaaaarrr."

Elizabeth was the second to comment on the situation. "He's drunk."

"YOU are drunk!" the blonde then snuggled up to her. "You smell niiiiiiicccccceeeee."

"…Get off me right now."

"Neeeeevvvvveeeerrrr~!"

"It looks like lots of little Cute-sempai's and Fake prince-sempai's are going to appear…" Fran muttered. "How annoying."

"NO INCEST!" Lussuria shrieked.

"INCEST? WHERE?" all of the nurses fawning over Xanxus shrieked.

Silence.

"I'm am Prince and I'm okkkaaayy, I kill all night and kill all daaaayy~!" Bel sang as he cuddled Elizabeth, the girl watching with everyone else as Xanxus threw the nurses out of the window with Levi. Like a boss.

"I think Fake Prince-sempai has gone delirious," Fran remarked.

"NO, MY POOR CHILD!" Lussuria sobbed, hugging Bel who was hugging the suffocating brunette. "DON'T DIIIIIEEEEEEE!"

Bel kicked the man away, picking Elizabeth up with a growl of possessiveness. "MY teddy bear."

"What is he, a three year old?!" the girl in his arms struggled to get away from the blonde, huffing when she found it impossible. "And why has a decaf made him act like this? And why does he think I'm a teddy bear? I'm not a teddy bear!"

"I never noticed…" Fran muttered.

"And why did everything explode?! Where did they get the bazooka from?! And those nurses are going to sue you guys! WHY DON'T YOU CARE?"

"Because we don't give a shit about trash," Xanxus answered her, glaring down at his empty cup of tea before throwing it at Squalo's- who was bleeding to death slowly as Lussuria shrieked about how his not-biological-but-loved-like-a-biological son had abandoned him-head. "More tea."

Nao.

"BOSS, I SHALL FETCH IT FOR YOU!" Levi yelled as he walked through the door, Bel gasping.

"THE BOGEY MAN!" wielding Elizabeth like a sword, he pointed it at the man. "BACK FOUL DEMON!"

"PUT ME DOWN!" Elizabeth screamed as he waved her about, Levi blinking.

"…Is she a weapon in disguise?" he wondered out loud before drawing his parabolas. "I SHALL KILL YOU IN THE NAME OF TH-"

"BE QUIET!"

Everyone blinked as the head nurse glared at the unruly group, her glasses shining as brightly as her steely grey hair. The old woman stepped forwards, everyone watching in confusion as she pointed at Squalo, the man giving her a 'I will fucking bite it off if you don't get it out of my face' as he continued to die.

"Are these YOUR guests?"

"Hmph, I would never consider myself HIS guest!" Levi scoffed, looking away dramatically.

Cue clipboard being thrown in his face.

"I DIDN'T ASK YOU!" the head nurse shrieked.

"Y-yes ma'am!"

"SO?" the woman repeated in Squalo's face. "ARE they?"

He nodded hastily, not wishing to incur her wrath.

"THEN TELL THEM TO BE QUIET ALREADY!" her shriek put the resident shark's to shame, her eyes blazing with deep fury. "Patients here are trying to SLEEP and HEAL but your screaming is PREVENTING THIS! And so, if you do not quiet down I am going to have to ask you to LEAVE IMMEDIATELY! And that means YOU TOO MISTER!"

Xanxus, who had been emitting an 'I am holier than thou' aura felt his eyes narrow. But, before he could say anything, Elizabeth, who was now being held upside down by Bel, folded her arms. "Excuse me but aren't you being the loudest right now?"

Fran hid his face in a magazine that had magically appeared. "This isn't going to end well…"

_Later_

"Although I am willing to accept that a head nurse was the one who caused me to hit my head against a door and perhaps acquire brain damage, why is he still hanging onto me?" Elizabeth poked Bel gingerly, the blonde hugging her quite happily as he sung different songs.

"Hey, the prince just met you~! And the Prince is crazy~! But here's my teddy bear~! So I'll hug it maybe~!"

"He has issues," Fran said seriously, Lussuria holding the brunette's hand tearfully.

"Oh this is all my fault! If I had just killed that head nurse earlier…"

"Wait, you killed her?"

"OF COURSE! I would never allow somebody who hurt my child to live another moment!"

Motherly love to the extreme.

"It's a teddy bear~! Teddy bear~! Got get down with a teddy bear~! Everybody's hugging their teddy bears~!" Bel sang.

"Levi," Xanxus suddenly rumbled in his low voice, the other man shooting up bolt right. Oh boy, was his boss going to finally tell him how much he appreciated him and that these feeling had grown into love?! "Get Bel off of her."

Note to self, never have hope for anything good. Or just never have Levi hope Xanxus has these weird feelings for him. The man walked up to the hospital bed with a slow, self-pitying walk, his eyes looking at Bel with annoyance. It was HIS fault that his boss hadn't confessed to him! HIS fault!

Because blaming others always turns out well.

"And the Prince was like teddy~! Teddy~! Teddy BEAR~! Like teddy~! Teddy~! Teddy BEAR~!"

Fran then turned to his employer, cocking his head to the side. "Boss, why did you order Levi-sempai to help Cute-sempai?" he wondered with honest curiosity.

"Someone needs to get me my fucking tea and not stuff that tastes like shit."

And now EVERYTHING makes sense. Forever.

"Oi," Levi glared at Bel as he sung another song, Elizabeth trying to ignore him. Key word: Trying. It was very hard to when he was singing directly into her ear. "Get off her. Now. Boss's orders."

A dark aura suddenly appeared around the now not singing boy. "You are taking away…my teddy bear?"

"I am not a teddy bear," Elizabeth protested indignantly.

"She's not," Fran agreed. "She's an alien."

"AN ALIEN?" Lussuria jumped away from Elizabeth in horror. "Y-you mean this girl is an imposter? That my true Eliza-chan has been abducted by aliens and then replaced by this…this FAKE?"

"…More or less, yes."

"Alien teddy bear?" Bel, who had been silently suffocating Levi with his aura-it can do that you know. Ask Mukuro-suddenly gasped before hugging Elizabeth more tightly. "SO COOL!"

"NO! GET AWAY FROM HER BEL-CHAN!" Lussuria screeched, pointing a syringe at her. Where had he got it? He had connections. Awesome ones. "DON'T LET HER CONTAMINATE YOU!"

"I am NOT an alien!" Elizabeth huffed. "Honestly, are you all IDIOTS?"

"I'm not an idiot," Fran pointed out. "I'm just apathetic to all living creatures, alien and teddy bear or not."

"…Teddy bears aren't living things."

"BLASPHEMY!" Bel exclaimed. "Teddy bears ARE real! You are a teddy bear! AND I AM THE PRINCE OF THE TEDDY BEARS!"

Elizabeth stared at him in disbelief. "Are you sure you aren't the one with brain damage?"

"So Fake prince-sempai comes from the teddy bear kingdom?" Fran suddenly started to write notes in a notebook that had appeared from nowhere. "Hm, interesting…"

"You mean to say that both my children's imposters are alien teddy bears and the real ones have been taken to the teddy bear kingdom in a different land?" Lussuria suddenly wobbled around. "CATCH ME LEVI!"

Levi made no move to catch them. "Teddy bear aliens…are you here to kill boss?"

"NO!" Elizabeth shouted. "I am not teddy bear, I am not an alien and I am NOT here to kill your boss!"

"…How can I be certain you aren't lying?"

"USE YOUR COMMON SENSE!"

"I wonder what that tastes like…" Bel mused.

The girl groaned, putting her head in her hands. "Kill me now…"

"You can tell the difference between an alien teddy bear and a human through the colour of their blood," Fran told Levi and Lussuria with a professional tone, glasses perched on his nose. "A human will have red, an alien will have blue but a teddy bear alien will have scarlet."

"Scarlet is a shade of red!" Elizabeth screamed. "YOU ARE ALL PSYCHOS!"

"I don't want you telling me that!" Levi sneered. "Your future self belongs in a mental asylum!"

"YOU belong in a mental asylum!"

"Oh burn…" Fran muttered.

Elizabeth, in her anger, hit her arm backwards, it hitting into Bel who toppled off the bed, his tiar- I mean crown falling off as everything went in slow motion. Lussuria shrieked a slow 'NOOOOO', jumping for the blonde, Levi shouted 'BOOOOSSSSS' for a reason that shall be explained later, Fran blinked, Xanxus stared ahead and Elizabeth just stayed still. Then everything went back to normal speed, Bel crashing into the ground as Lussuria smashed headfirst into the floor.

Ouch.

"NOOO! BEL-CHAN!" the girly man sobbed, cradling the blonde's head in his arms once he had gotten off the floor again. "DON'T DIE! DON'T DIIIIIEEE!"

"Teddy bear-sempai dies if his tiara falls off?" Fran blinked. "Note to self, exploit that weakness horribly…"

"Ushi shi shi~! Get your hands off of the prince," Bel hit away Lussuria's hands as he sat up. "And it's not a tiara, it's a CROWN."

"Sure it is Teddy bear-sempai…"

"Why are you calling me teddy bear-sempai?" the blonde cocked his head to the side in slight confusion as Lussuria gasped.

"Y-you aren't dead? IT'S A MIRCALE! WE MUST THANK THE GODS BY SACRIFICING A SHARK! ONE CURRENTLY IN A HOSPITAL BED TO BE EXACT!"

Bel ignored his shrieks of happiness and looked at Elizabeth who was eyeing him suspiciously. "What?"

"…You aren't going to hug me again are you?"

"…What the hell are you on about?"

"Ah, Teddy bear-sempai has lost his memories," Fran observed. "How disappointing…"

"Ushi shi shi~! Stop calling the prince that."

"Yes Fake prince-sempai."

"Don't call me that either!"

"BOSS NO! BOSSSSS!" Levi's scream made everyone look at the unconscious Xanxus who had been hit in the face by Bel's tiara.

"IT'S A CROWN!"

"Who are you talking to Teddy- I mean, Fake prince–sempai?"

"DON'T DIE BOSS! DON'T DIE!" Levi sobbed, hugging the man tightly.

Elizabeth sighed, banging her head against her knee repeatedly. "I need more rewards if I have to deal with this shit everyday I'm here…"

Cue stares of shock.

"…What?" a pause. "Oh fuck, your way of speaking has rubbed off on me…"

"Trash."

Levi gasped in delight as his boss's eyes opened. "BOSS! YOU ARE ALIVE!"

"You have three fucking seconds to let fucking go of me."

"Eh?"

"Three."

Fran looked off into the distance as Xanxus proceeded to kill Levi for the billionth time, Elizabeth swearing as she tried to come to terms with her new way of speaking, Bel looked confused and Lussuria shouted happily to the 'gods'. "Was it such a good idea to leave longhaired commander on his own…?"

_Elsewhere_

Squalo woke up slowly and looked at the dead head nurse's body tucked inside the bed he too was in, his brow furrowed in confusion and eyes narrowed as he proceeded to stare at the bloodstain on the door ahead of him. "…What the hell happened?"

**Extra: **Tealan

It was night across the whole of the great country of China (I-pin: Ni hao! Elizabeth: Tea hao! Squalo: VOOOIII! That isn't fucking Chinese you idiot! And where the fuck do you keep disappearing to?! Elizabeth: Oh Squ-chan, if only you had dealt with your anger issues earlier…oh wait, MAYBE I CAN HELP! DON'T WORRY SQU-CHAN, BY TOMORROW YOU'LL FEEL LIKE A NEW MAN! I MEAN WOMAN! Squalo: …I don't know what the fuck you are talking about but do one thing and I'll slit your neck bitch. Fran: Charming.) and a lone soldier was patrolling the Great Wall of China (Levi: Don't worry boss, I shall be sure to ensure your utmost safety!) when suddenly a huge falcon (Colonello: I'm not a flacon kora! I just have a pet one kora! Elizabeth: Yeah kora! YEAH KORA! Colonello: …) knocked off the man's helmet, grappling hooks suddenly appearing up the side of the wall. (Levi: Tch, like a would be off put by that! As long as boss is alive, I SHALL NEVER FEAR DEATH!) Terrified, the man sprinted off to raise the alarm. (Elizabeth: But fell off the wall to his death. Fran: Unfortunately there was a pond down there and survived, being washed up along a river. Elizabeth: FRAN! WHYDIDYOUSAVEHIM? Fran: …¯\(-_-)/¯ Elizabeth: Huh, makes sense…) However the soldier was stopped (Fran: Ah. He hit a boat. Elizabeth: HELL YEAH!) by the leader of the Huns who were attacking them(Fran: He was driving the boat. Elizabeth: Ohh): Shan Yu (Xanxus: …I'd better be getting paid to do shit like this. Me: In the liquor and steak. Xanxus: *smirks*) who watched as the fire was lit to raise the alarm, a smile on his face.

"Now all of China knows we are here." (Levi: B-boss, help me…I'm drowning…bbbbbrrrrrrgggbbb… Xanxus: …Trash.)

Soon news of Shan Yu's triumph over the great wall reached Emperor (Tsuna: HIIIEEE! W-Why am I the emperor? I don't want to be an emperor! Reborn: Stop whining *shoots him* Tsuna: REEEEBBBOOORRRNNN! BE EMPEROR WITH MY DYING WILL! Fran: And this is how Vongola Decimo took over China) who orders that General Li (Gokudera: T-to be the tenth's most trusted general…I WILL SERVE YOU UNTIL I DIE! Elizabeth: …He's acting too much like Levi. Kill him. NAO.) mobilizes an army at once to protect the people of China. (Tsuna: TAKE OVER CHINA NOW! Gokudera: OF COURSE TENTH! Squalo: VOOOIII! You are the emperor of fucking China already! HOW CAN YOU TAKE IT OVER? Gokudera: DON'T QUESTION THE TENTH! Squalo: VOOOOOIIII!)

Whilst this was going on a young (tea) farm girl (Elizabeth: M-my DREAM JOB! T^T) named Mulan was writing cheat notes on her arm (Elizabeth: THE ONLY WAY TO PASS A TEST OF COURSE! Squalo: …I hate to admit it but they are all right. That fucking girl with us is an alien. No way could they both be anymore different.) in preparation with the Matchmaker (Bianchi: It's about love.) the next morning so that she would be assigned a suitable partner and not bring dishonor to her family. (Elizabeth: Fuck my family! I'M MARRYING SOMEONE WHO IS AWESOME AND LOVES TEA. Fran: Rules you out completely Fake prince-sempai. Bel: Ushi shi shi~ DIE.) Already late though, she rushes through her chores with the help of her younger brother (Fuuta: According to my rankings you are number one when it comes to anybody loving tea! Elizabeth: …Okay, fuck my family apart from him. He's awesome) before greeting her father who was taking his medicine in their family temple (Ninth: Ah, hello Elizabeth. Are you settling into your new position in the Varia well? Elizabeth: …Okay, fuck my family apart from him and Fuuta. They are awesome.) He tells her he and the rest of the family are counting on her to uphold family tradition(Ninth: You must do what all Vongola women have done before you! Elizabeth: And by that you mean announce my love for tea, destroy a few buildings, kill a few people who go against my religion-Tea-ism-and fail with flying colors? Ninth: …) and prayed for her success. (Ninth: …I am not ashamed to admit that she needs it.)

She then hurries into town where her mother (Squalo: VOOOOOOIIII! Do I LOOK like that bitch's mother? Elizabeth: Well, Luss-nee said you were… Squalo: VOOOOIIIII! Fran: Doesn't that mean he's married Lussuria-sempai, boss AND the Ninth Vongola boss? Elizabeth: Le gasp! YOU THREE TIMER!) and Grandmother Fa (Lussuria: GRANDMOTHER? Mou, Discoabc, I'm not THAT old! Elizabeth: Yeah! Squ-chan should be the grandmother! SHE'S AN OLD WOMAN! Squalo: VOOOOOOIIII! Fran: Meanwhile, Levi-sempai was still drifting down a river with no means of surviving. Everyone: *cheers*) are waiting for her. She is quickly bathed (Squalo: W-WAIT! DON'T FUCKING GET INTO A BATH IN FRONT OF ME! Elizabeth: Eh? But we are all girls here, aren't we Luss-nee? Lussuria: Of course! Squalo: I AM NOT A FUCKING GIRL!) and dressed in fine clothes with make up applied to her face. Whilst this is happening her mother and grandmother encouraged her and give her gifts: a flower comb and a lucky cricket. (Hana: Okay, just because my name means flower doesn't mean you can do that. Fran: …I'm not a cricket.)

However, when Mulan faces the matchmaker everything seemed to be doomed from the start. (Elizabeth: The most important thing is TEA! Bianchi: You fail the test. Squalo: VOOOIII! She hasn't even fucking taken it yet!) After being subjected to disapproving comments, Mulan is suspected by the matchmaker to be cheating after reciting an near perfect of wifely duties (Elizabeth: Err…well a wife must make tea for their husband to show their love? Bianchi: Completely wrong but since it's for love it is correct. Elizabeth: Uh, HELL YEAH!) and ordered to complete a tea ceremony. (Elizabeth: Oh, FUCK YEAH! I'm gonna ace this test!) However Mulan rubs her arm on her face, smearing her cheat notes across her cheek. (Bianchi: What is that on your cheek? Elizabeth: …Love? Bianchi: Very well, I shall ask no more about it.) Then her lucky cricket Cri-kee escapes from its cage. (Fran: Freedom. Yay.) causing a chain of reactions (Elizabeth: NOOOOOO! YOU'VE RUINED THE TEA CEREMONY! NOTHING IS MORE TERRIBLE! TEA IS ALMIGHTY! NOOOOOOO!) making her get kicked out. (Bianchi: More important than…love?)

"You may look like a bride but you will never bring you family honor!" the matchmaker screams. (Bianchi: DIE LOVE HATER! POISON COOOOKKKIIIINNNGGG! Elizabeth: Oh shi-*hit in the face with cake*)

Dejected (Fran: More like dead to be accurate. Elizabeth: ARRRGGGHH! MY EYES! IT BUUURRRNNNNNS! Squalo: IT DIDN'T EVEN HIT YOUR EYES! Elizabeth: Oh yeah…) Mulan returned home deciding that with how she is, she will never be the daughter her family wants her to be. However her father comes across her and tells her that a cherry blossom yet to bloom may become the rarest and most beautiful of all. (Elizabeth: Like a tea bag not yet used but over time will make more delicious tea than all of the other tea bags that are used before? Ninth: Er…sort of?)

At that moment the drums sound to announce the arrival of the emperor's counsel, Chi-Fu (Reborn: …Discoabc, to you have a death wish? Me: …No?) who hands out conscription notices to each family which demands that the most able male of each household must report to the training camp the next morning in order to train for their fight against the Huns. (Reborn: Of course, I shall be helping in the torture- I mean training. Everyone: -_-*) Mulan's father is already a veteran and goes forwards to collect the notice, scorning Mulan when she tried to stop him. (Elizabeth: NOOOO! DON'T GOOOO! Ninth: But I must deal with Xanxus myself…it is my fault that he has ended up like this. Elizabeth: B-but WHO WILL GIVE ME TEA RELATED ANALOGIES? Ninth: I don't do that anyway…. Elizabeth: Oh, okay. Bye then.) That night he trains with his sword but a past injury on his leg restricts his movement, proving he was not fit enough to fight again. (Elizabeth: Of course he can't use a sword! I'm the only one here who CAN use one properly! Squalo: VOOOIII! What about me? Elizabeth: But you aren't a man. Squalo: NEITHER ARE YOU! Elizabeth: Oh, you'd be surprised… Squalo: O.o) Mulan fears for her father's life but he pushes her away, retorting at the dinner table that he knows his place so she should learn hers. (Elizabeth: Tch, I KNOW MINE! Ninth: So where is it? Elizabeth: BY THE TEA GOD OF COURSE! Ninth: …)

Upset, Mulan rushes out into the rain and, after a few moments, makes up a plan to take her father's place in the army. (Elizabeth: With TEA!) Stealing her father's armor and conscription (Elizabeth: and TEA!), leaving behind her flower comb behind (Hana: I'm not- actually, I'm not sure why I bother.) before riding out into the night. (Squalo: Wait, so you are pretending to be a MAN? Elizabeth: Like I said, you'd be surprised… Fran: I am now scarred for life. Thank you Cute-sempai. Elizabeth: Your welcome~!)

After discovering she has left, Grandmother Fa prays to the ancestors to watch over her. (Lussuria: Please protect Eliza-chan! And if you don't…you'll end up like shark meat! Squalo: VOOOIII! I'm not dead! Lussuria: NOT FOR LONG! OHOHOHOHO~! Squalo: G-get away from me!) Awakened by the prayer, the ancestors, the Fa family ancestors begin to debate what should be done with Mulan. (Byakuran: Give her marshmallows? Kikyo: Oho~ That is a wonderful suggestion Byakuran-sama. Bluebell: Hmph, why don't we just let her DIE? Daisy: I want to see her endure death… Torikabuto: I foresee great chaos and….tea. Ghost: … Fran: …Cute-sempai is going to die.) The first ancestor (Byakuran: Hey~!) then commands Mushu (Zakuro:….idgit) , an ex-guardian who has been demoted to the role of the gong-ringer (Byakuran: You see, he burnt one of my marshmallows! And although that is punishable by DEATH, I was in a good mood beforehand~! Elizabeth: I know what you mean *nods* I mean, if my tea is destroyed I go insane! Right Levi~? Fran: He's still floating/drowning in that river. Elizabeth: Oh yeah…) to awaken the stone dragon to go bring Mulan back (Byakuran: Ah, my cute box weapon! I love it so much I'd kill anyone who hurt it! Okay?) but with his destructive tendencies, Mushu accidently reduced it to rubble. (Byakuran: … Zakuro: …I'm going now. Byakuran: *still smiling, gets out a bazooka* Zakuro: Oh shi- BOOM!) Cri-kee then advises him to go get Mulan back (Fran: Cute-sempai might be the only one to defeat his anger with her teddy bear alien powers. Zakuro: …No.) but Mushu misinterprets his advice and decides to make Mulan a war hero. (Zakuro: I shouldn't let her near Byakuran-sama…he might get more insane…and kill me…idgit.) This way he could also get reinstated as a guardian too!

Whilst this was going on, Shan Yu had come across two imperial scouts (I-pin: Ni hao! Lambo: Lambo-san is tired! Lambo-san is hungry! SOMONE FETCH LAMBO-SAN FOOD! Xanxus: I only see one fucking imperial scout. Tsuna: HE'S ERASED LAMBO'S EXISTENCE!) but release them in order to have a warning sent to the emperor. But his generosity then runs out and he hints at the archer to kill one of them. (Gokudera: Gladly. DIE STUPID COW! Tsuna: BUT YOU ARE MEANT TO BE ON MY SIDE! Gokudera: I'm just gathering intelligence Tenth! Don't worry; I'm still on your side! Tsuna: YOU KILLED LAMBO! Gokudera: Exactly! Tsuna: =_=)

By now Mulan had reached the outskirts of the camp and is talking to her horse about how she should act when she meets the rest of the army members (Elizabeth: Not strange at all! Dino: I know! Elizabeth: …OMG I HAVE A TALKING HORSE! THE TEA GOD IS SHINING THEIR LIGHT UPON ME! Dino: …You definitely shouldn't act like that.) Mushu and Cri-kee then appear (Elizabeth: More talking animals! HURRRAAY! Zakuro: Idgit. Fran: Idiot. Dino: Ehehe?) and tell Mulan that they have come to help her enroll in the army. (Zakuro: So that you never go near Byakuran-sama and affect him with your insanity. Elizabeth: Hmm? You said something? Zakuro: Nothing…) Following the advice he gives (Zakuro: Burn everything to a crisp. Elizabeth: BUT OF COURSE!) she enters the camp only to stir up some trouble with three fellow soldiers, Yao (Gokudera: Tenth, I have infiltrated my supposed son's training camp in order to gather information too! Tsuna: Just stop already…) Ling (Ryohei: I'm happy to be this funny character TO THE EXTREME!) and Chien-Po. (Yamamoto: Ahaha, my character is very gentle apparently! And I will be to you too Discoabc if you _give me my baseball bat now._ Me: …O^O) This causes general chaos amongst the recruits (Elizabeth & Me: General Chaos *salutes* Squalo: VOOOIIII! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT? Fran: Chaos it would seem.) Mulan is then confronted by Captain Li Shang (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ Why is the prince this idiotic bomber's son? Gokudera: OI! The only thing I am idiotic about is the amount of respect I have for the tenth... Tsuna: Finally he understands he is respecting me to much… Gokudera: …I DO NOT RESPECT HIM ENOUGH AFTER ALL! Tsuna: Why me god? Why me?) and Mulan claims to be Fa Zhou's long lost son, Ping. (Ryohei: Our character's names are alike TO THE EXTREME! Elizabeth: The look alike of the tea god has spoken!)

Shang, who was put in charge by his father General Li (Gokudera: Tch, like hell I would put him in charge of ANYTHING!), turns out to be a very tough trainer (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ what do you mean? The prince could do much worse…*points at guy who is carrying Elizabeth sitting on Mary* Elizabeth: FASTER BITCH! MUWHAHAHA) although inspirational too however Mulan found herself faltering throughout the training. (Elizabeth: What? But this stuff is so EASY! *sips tea* Bel: Ah, no tea is allowed in this camp. Elizabeth: I'M IN HELL! I'M IN HEEEELLLLLL!) Eventually she gains enough confidence (Fran: Ah, Cute-sempai, I found a secret stash of tea. Elizabeth: I'M SAAAAVVVVVEEEDDD!) and scaled the top of a wooden pole to reach the arrow at the top by using two weighted discs attached together. (Fran: The tea is up there *points at top of wooden pole* Elizabeth: *already up there drinking tea* Everyone: O.O Elizabeth: Sup.) Soon after training hard enough, she even surpasses her fellow comrades in regards to their skill. (Gokudera: D-damn it, how is she so good? Yamamoto: Maybe it's all that tea they are drinking? Gokudera: Don't be stupid! That isn't possible. Tsuna: Y-yeah, of course…*watches Elizabeth punch through a wall*…NONEOFTHISMAKESSENSE!)

Meanwhile Shan Yu had gotten even closer to his goal (Xanxus: To take over China and become Emperor Decimo instead of that bitch Sawada.) and found a pass in the mountains, which turns out to be the most direct pathway into the Imperial City. His flacon (Colonello: I AM NOT A FALCON! KORA!) then presents him with a doll from the ahead village that contains bits of horse hair and sulfur( Colonello: And tea kora.), Shang Yu deducing that the imperial army is guarding the village within the pass. But he is not put off and continued on. "We should return the doll to it's owner," he states with a cruel laugh. (Xanxus: And I need my fucking tea. Fran: Meanwhile, Levi-sempai was still drifting along the river, a thin trail of blood following behind him Squalo: HOW IS THAT RELEVANT TO THE SITUATION?)

Back at the camp Mulan decides to let her hair down (Elizabeth: I WHIP MAH HAIR BACK AND FORTH, I WHIP MAH HAIR BACK AND FORTH!) and bathes in a (Elizabeth: POOL OF TEA!) pool of water. (Elizabeth: Aww…) Yao, Chien-Po and Ling appear soon after (Elizabeth: PERVERTS! GET OOOUUUUTTT! Ryohei: But aren't you a man to the extreme? Elizabeth: So? I STILL NEED MAH PRIVACY!) and apologize for giving her such a hard time (Gokudera: Tch, I REGRET NOTHING! Yamamoto: Eh? I don't ever remember giving them a hard time… Ryohei: I think they are awesome TO THE EXTREME!) almost discovering her true gender. Mushu saves the day however by scaring them off (Zakuro: Rawr.), Ling thinking them to be a snake. (Ryohei: THERE IS A SNNNAAAAKKKKEEEE! Gokudera: IT'S A TSUCHINOKO! Yamamoto: Ahahaha! Elizabeth: *starts to fall asleep*…..AAAAAAAARRRGGGGHHHH! THERE'S A MONSTER IN THE WATER! MONSTER IN THE WATER! MONSTER IN TH- oh, it's just Levi….how the fuck did he get here? Fran: Who knows…)

Despite having finished their training however, Chi Fu is very skeptical of the recruits' skills (Reborn: They are quite frankly all shit. Apart from her *points at Elizabeth who is being carried around like a Queen*) and insults Shang. "You are a pathetic captain!"

Shang becomes depressed, Mulan sympathizing with him. (Elizabeth: Bitch, YOU DID NOT JUST INSULT MAH CAPTAIN! Fran: Oh, so it looks like she does care about you Fake prince-sempai. Bel: Shut UP. Elizabeth: I mean, if you call him pathetic THEN WHAT AM I? Bel: …Don't say a thing. Fran: Yes Fake prince-sempai.) "I think you are a great captain," she tells him, a light blush on her cheeks when she rushes off. (Elizabeth: …Da faq?) Mushu's eyes narrow as Mulan comes up to him.

"You have feelings towards Shang don't you?" he asked in an accusing tone.

"Wha? No! Of course not!" Mulan denied profusely. (Fran: R-E-J-E-C-T-E-D. Bel: Fuck. Off.)

Having worked so hard to get Mulan to where she is now, Mushu fools Chi Fu with a forged letter he pretends is from General Li requesting more troops at the front line. (Reborn: …It's obviously fake. Zakuro: No it isn't…?) They all leave early in the morning, each thinking about a girl worth fighting for. (Gokudera: Somebody who's respect for the tenth matches mine! Ryohei: SOMEONE EXTREME! Yamamoto: Someone I'm comfortable around! Reborn: Someone who can handle themselves and torture Tsuna for me when I'm busy. Bel: Ushi shi shi~ someone who can entertain the prince~! Elizabeth: Someone like…Luss-nee. Everyone: *falls over* Lussuria: Aww, Eliza-chan you are too kind!)

But upon reaching the village they find it all destroyed, only the burnt embers of burnt houses remaining. (Everyone: …*looks at Zakuro* Zakuro: What?) Whilst searching for survivors (Reborn: And then watching them scream before killing them) Chi Fu came across what was left of the imperial army having been killed by Shan Yu's forces. (Xanxus: They didn't have any good fucking tea so they deserved to die. Elizabeth: I hear ya boss, I hear ya!) Chien-Po presents Shang with his father's helmet. (Gokudera: Oi! BASEBALL IDIOT PUT THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW! THE TENTH HIMSELF BOUGHT ME THAT HELMET!) His heart broken (Bel: *looks at helmet* Ushi shi shi~ let's throw a party), Shang takes his sword and slams it into the snow, leaving his father's helmet hanging on the hilt. Despite his father having died (Elizabeth: But if bomber guy was with us when he was meant to be killed then how could he of survived? …OMG, YOU ARE MAGIC LIKE FRAAAANNNNN! Gokudera: ...She's an idiot.) Shang continues his role as a soldier, even more motivated than before and orders that they travel to the Imperial City to go and protect the Emperor. (Tsuna: SAVE ME! PLEEEEAAAASSSE! Bel: The prince thinks….no.) Mulan, who had just fund the very doll Shang Yu had earlier (Gokudera: Oi, how the fuck did you find that? Elizabeth: It smelt of tea. Gokudera: …), rests it against Shang's sword, placing a hand on his shoulder as so to show her sympathy.

When they travel through the pass, Mushu manages to accidently set off a cannon (Zakuro: …idgit) making their location known to hidden Hun archers who rain down a barrage of flaming arrows onto the troops, the cart with the cannon in it catching fire. (Gokudera: TAKE THAT FIRE BASTARD! Tsuna: How come you keep switching sides?!) Most of the explosives were explosives were saved before the cart exploded, the troops taking shelter in a rocky outcropping. They easily took care of all of the archers with their cannons (Gokudera: DIE YOU BASTARDS! Tsuna: STOP SWITCHING SIDES!) however when the smoke cleared they saw Shan Yu on horseback upon the far mountain (Xanxus: You guys have fucking tea. _Give me the fucking tea_. Elizabeth: NEVER! Mary: Moo! Elizabeth: M-Mary! WHY ARE YOU WORKING WITH HIM AS HIS NOBEL STEED! MAAARRRRYYYY! Fran: Fairy tale parodies: Epic drama), his fellow men charging down the hill to attack them. (Gokudera: DIIIIEEEEE! Tsuna: STOP! PLEASE STOP!) Shang orders Yao to shoot the leader of the Huns (Gokudera: With pleasure! Tsuna: I can't take it anymore…*sobs*) but Mulan grabs the final cannon and races forwards, Shang yelling at her to come back. (Elizabeth: No! I have to defeat Mary myself because…BECAUSE I LOVE HER! Fran: I don't know what's worse, being rejected for tea or being rejected for a cow. But you would know wouldn't you, Fake prince-sempai? Bel: …Just go and die already.) She slams the cannon into the snow and, upon having Shan Yu charge directly at her, Mulan ignited it using Mushu. (Elizabeth: So you DO have your uses! Zakuro: …You know I've been helping you this whole time? Elizabeth: Nope~!) Shocked that she missed her target(Levi: BOSS, I HAVE RETURNED TO HELP YO-*hit in the face by cannon having it bounce of his face* Xanxus: Trash. Mary: Moo.), Mushu rides the cannon to the peak where it explodes, causing an avalanche that engulfs Shang Yu's army and heads down the mountain at a break neck speed. (Elizabeth: Question, how did Levi get here? Fran: The river turned into ice and he slid down here. Everyone: Ohhhhhh.)

Furious, Shan Yu attacks Mulan with his sword (Xanxus: You giving me the tea or what? Elizabeth: NEVER! Xanxus: Then I have no use for a piece of shit like you. Mary: Moo. Elizabeth: H-how can you betray me like this? HOOOOWWW?) but the girl quickly escapes as the avalanche draws nearer. Shan Yu and his entire army are swallowed by the hurtling snow, Mulan grabbing Shang who is stunned in awe, the two of them saved by her horse Kahn (Dino: Yo! *falls flat on his face* Me: And his trusty comrade the Flea! Romario: Hey. Dino: Romario! What are you doing here? Tch, stay close by me so you don't get hurt! Elizabeth: Aren't you supposed to be saving us…?) though the captain is knocked unconscious. (Elizabeth: Well that is a bummer.) Mushu catches up to them by surfing on a Hun's shield (Elizabeth & Me: SURFIN' USA!) as the rest of the army hides behind a large rock as the avalanche shoots past. (Yamamoto: So what should we do as we wait? Ryohei: BOX WITH OUR EXTREME FISTS! Gokudera: Think up new ways to praise the tenth! Reborn: Think up new ways to kill Tsuna. Elizabeth: Aww…I want to join in too…bagsy drinking tea!) Yao shoots an arrow attached to a rope towards them (Gokudera: FLAME ARROW! Elizabeth: Oh shi- BOOM!) but fails to tie it off. Mulan however manages to catch it (Elizabeth: With my awes0me skillz…) and ties it to Kahn's saddle (Dino: Don't tie it to me! IT'S ON FIRE! Elizabeth: Of course it is! Why else would it be called flame arrow? Dino: ….God help us.) before shooting it back to the others as they fall over the rim. (Elizabeth: Don't worry, I can fly! Everyone: No. No you can't.) Yao catches the arrow (Gokudera: ARRRGGGHHH! IT BURNS!) and with the help of the others, they are all hauled to safety. Shang thanks Mulan for saving them. (Elizabeth: Meh, no biggie.) but she collapses from her wounds that Shan Yu inflicted upon her. (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ you are bleeding pretty heavily servant. Elizabeth: Nah, TIS BUT A FLESH WOUND! *faints* Bel: …)

At the medical tent, the doctor (Shamal: Why heelllloooo there~! Bel: …*takes Elizabeth straight out again*) treats Mulan but as a result finds out her secret, relaying it to Shang. (Shamal: You may look like a convincing boy but…YOU CANNOT FOOL THE SENSOR BETWEEN MY LEGS! Elizabeth: *wakes up and punches him* Bel: Ushi shi shi~ nice one servant) Chi Fu reminds Shang that the punishment for impersonating a soldier is death (Reborn: Death. Yay.) and the captain raises his sword only to let it fall to the snow, Mulan surprised that she is still alive. (Elizabeth: You fools! Captain would never kill me! NEVER! Unless I try and steal his crown again of course…)

"My debt is repaid since you saved my life and I have spared yours," he tells her before marching away. The army then moves on towards the Imperial City leaving Mulan behind. She regrets her decision to join the army, saying that she is a nobody. (Elizabeth: Without Mary I'm only half a person! MAAARRRRYYYYYY!) Mushu comforts her by explaining how he was never sent by the ancestors and only came for his own selfish desires (Zakuro: Apart from wanting to save Byakuran from facing eternal insanity) whilst Mulan came to help her father. (Elizabeth: And for the tea. Captain makes the most delicious tea of them all after all~! Fran: So it's more like Zakuro is the selfless person and Cute-sempai is the selfish person…) Cri-kee then breaks down and admits to Mushu that he lied about being lucky. (Elizabeth: Le gasp! YOU AREN'T LUCKY? Fran: Nor am I a cricket. Elizabeth: T-then…WHAT ARE YOU? Fran: …An unlucky frog. Elizabeth: NOOOOOO- oh wait, that's actually kinda cool… Squalo: VOOOIII! HE'S FUCKING UNLUCKY! Elizabeth: Misunderstood Squ-chan! MISUNDERSTOOD!) Mushu, exasperated, then accuses Kahn of being a sheep. (Dino: …? Zakuro: …Who the hell writes this shit? Me; For once, NOT ME :D)

Mulan then hears an angry cry and turns to see Shan Yu who, along with five of his best soldiers, had survived the avalanche! (Xanxus: Like I would die from some shit like that. Mary: Moo. Gokudera: I WILL TAKE OVER CHINA IN THE NAME OF THE TENTH! Tsuna: Please don't… Haru: Hahi? What is Haru doing here? Kyoko: Ah, Gokudera-kun! Haru-chan! Hello! Colonello: Oh, so I'm a soldier now kora? Make up your mind damn author kora! Tsuna: WHAT ARE THEY ALL DOING HERE? AND WHY ARE THEY YOUR BEST SOLDIERS? AND WHY IS A COW ONE OF THEM? Mary: Moo. Tsuna: ARRRRGGGGHHHH!) Mulan rushed over to the Imperial City and warns Shag however he does not believe her. (Elizabeth: Captain! Boss is headed over here with five of his best soldiers: Mary, a sparkly girl, a 'hahi' girl-whatever that is-and falcon 'kora' guy and bomber guy of which all want to take over China and have boss become emperor! Apart from bomber guy who is taking over China in the name of the emperor! Bel: …) She then tells the others to keep their eyes open (Gokudera: Of course! I won't let anyone harm the tenth! Tsuna: YOU ARE ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO ARE COMING TO ATTACK ME!) before riding off to find someone who will listen to her. As the Emperor congratulates Shang on defeating the Hun army (Tsuna: But I know they aren't dead… Bel: So…? Tsuna: THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME!) Shan Yu appears on a palace tower, signaling to his men who have been hiding in a large parade dragon to attack. (Gokudera: CHHHAAAARRRGGGEEEE! Haru: No! Haru won't attack her beloved Tsuna-san! Mary: Moo. Colonello: This is all so stupid kora. Kyoko: Hmm? What's going on? *sparkles*) They knock Shang down and kidnap the Emperor (Gokudera: Don't worry tenth! I'm just pretending to kidnap you! Tsuna: WHY ARE YOU PRETENDING IN THE FIRST PLACE? Haru: AH! LET TSUNA-SAN GO RIGHT NOW! Mary: Moo. Colonello: This is all hopeless kora… Kyoko: Everyone seems to be having a lot of fun!), locking themselves in the palace. (Tsuna: …Reborn? Reborn: Ciaossu. Tsuna: …Help? Reborn: …No. Tsuna: O^O)

Mulan then creates a plan and, along with Shang, Yao, Ling and Chien-Po, her and the last three dressed as concubines. (Gokudera: Don't worry tenth, I'm coming to save you! Tsuna: How can you save me when YOU KIDNAPPED ME? Yamamoto: Ahaha, this is the first time I've ever dressed as a girl! Ling: ME TOO TO THE EXTREME! Elizabeth: Nah, I do this on a regular basis :/ anyway, why isn't captain dressed as a girl?! If I have to act as prostitute than YOU HAVE TO TOO! MUWHAHAHAHA! Bel: …No. Elizabeth: Well, I asked nicely…DISCOABC! ME: PREPARE TO BOW DOWN TO MY AUTHOR POWERS! MUWHAHAHAHA! Fran: You should probably run Fake prince-sempai.) Whilst this is happening Shan Yu has the emperor brought to him (Xanxus: Trash. Tsuna: …Someone help.) and demands that he bows to him. (Xanxus: Bow. Now. Tsuna: Y-yes! Just please don't kill me!) Mulan, Yao, Ling and Chien-Po manage to seduce the men guarding him though (Elizabeth: MUWHAHAHA! I have seduced Mary into becoming my noble steed again! Mary: Moo. Gokudera: Tch, I didn't have to seduce anybody because I had already infiltrated the palace! Yamamoto: Ahaha, the other girls just let me in! Haru: I won't let anybody other than Tsuna-san seduce me! Kyoko: Hmm? You guys have such great costumes! Ryohei: Master Colonello let me in so that I could cause havoc TO THE EXTREME! Colonello: I said to make the story end, not that kora…) and attack them, allowing Shang to engage Shan Yu in battle. (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ hi boss. Xanxus: Trash. Why the fuck are you dressed as a woman? Me: MUWHAHAHA!)

As the two fight, Yao, Ling and Chien-Po rescue the Emperor (Gokudera: Don't worry tenth, you are safe now! Tsuna: You kidnapped me in the first place…) but Shang is knocked out so Mulan cuts the rope they used to escape with as so that Shan Yu could not follow. Furious, Shan Yu blames Shang for his defeat but Mulan pulls back her hair.

"It was I who took your victory," she announced, revealing herself to him as the soldier from the mountains.

Shan Yu chased her (Xanxus: Trash, you have tea don't you? Elizabeth: Err…no? *runs* Xanxus: *runs after her*) onto the roof and swung his sword at her, Mulan deflecting with her fan. (Elizabeth: AWESOME BLOCK TO THE RESCUE!) She then yells at Mushu, who has a giant firework(Gokudera: I HAVE BECOME A FIREOWRK IN ORDER TO PROTECT THE TEN- Tsuna: STOP! PLEASE!) on his back (Zakuro: …What?) and he, with the help of Cri-kee lighting it (Fran: Hello.), fires it at Shan Yu, Mulan using his sword to pin him to the roof.

As the rocket hits him, Mulan grabs Mushu and leaps off the building (Elizabeth: FREEFALLING NO JUTSU! Fran: Wrong anima/manga Cute-sempai), Shan Yu exploding into a colorful display of fireworks. (Elizabeth: Cause baby you're a firework~!) Mulan grabs a lantern and floats down to the ground, letting go just before the ground and landing in Shang's arms just as he is leaving the palace. (Elizabeth: …Hi. Bel: …Hi.) Mushu catches Cri-kee and laughs.

"You are one lucky bug!" he comments with a chuckle. (Fran: I'm not a bug. Nor am I lucky.)

A furious Chi Fu then emerges from the palace (Reborn: Ciaossu) and demands that Mulan faces the consequence of her actions. (Reborn: My fedora got destroyed. Someone has to take the blame. _Now_.) Shang stands up for her (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ Levi did it. Reborn: I see…) until the Emperor appears (Tsuna: I-I'm alive…) and, despite knowing all of her seemingly treacherous deeds, bows to her, along with the rest of the hundreds in the crowd (Elizabeth: THAT'S RIGHT! BOW TO ME BITCHES! MUWHAHAHA!) for saving the whole of China from the Huns. He offers her then Chi Fu's job (Reborn: …) but she declines (Reborn: She better have.), wishing no more than to go home. The Emperor gives her his imperial crest and sword of Shan Yu instead, Mulan hugging him in response with Yao wondering whether that is allowed. (Gokudera: LIKE HELL IT IS! GT OFF THE TENTH RIGHT NOW YOU BITCH! Elizabeth: NEVER! MUWHAHAHA!) She then greets Shang who smiles awkwardly at her. (Elizabeth: NO! NOT AWKWARDNESS! IT MAKES MY BRAIN MELT INTO RADIOACTIVE GOO! Fran: Lovely.)

"You fight good…" he mumbles before she leaves. The emperor then recites a proverb that Shang doesn't understand. (Tsuna: Um, so when you drive past a road you see lots of flowers. But all of them look the same so you keep driving down the road for minutes and then hours and then days until you find one that is really different and special! But if you drive past that flower thinking you can just find another one then you might never get one as beautiful and will lose that chance forever since that road is only a one-way road! So you should pick that flower instead of trying to do an illegal U-turn only to find someone else picking it! Bel: …? Tsuna: =_=)

"You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty," he then repeats in a more simplistic form. (Tsuna: Err, you don't meet a hit woman like that every Vongola generation? Reborn: Then why don't you marry her? Tsuna: EH? *Shot* REBORN! MARRY HER WITH MY DYING WILL! Bel: …)

Back home Mulan presents her father with gifts from the Emperor in hope that it will bring honor to her family. (Elizabeth: I'M HOOOOMMMME! Ninth: Oh no, not you again.) Fa Zhou drops the gifts and hugs his daughter, saying having her as his daughter is the greatest honor he could ever achieve. Mulan's grandmother however is unimpressed (Elizabeth: I forgot to get the lipstick you asked for… Lussuria: YOU ARE NO GRANDCHILD OF MINE. Elizabeth: NOOOOOO!) until Shang arrives, asking to meet Mulan. (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ I'm picking the flower first. Elizabeth: Da fuck?)

"Sign me up for the next war!" she shrieks, giggling loudly.

An awkward Shang approaches Mulan and her father (Elizabeth: NO AWKWARDNESS DAMN IT!), saying that Mulan forget her father's helmet. (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ we must escape before the emperor gets here. Elizabeth: Hah? The emperor? Bel: He's going to try and pick the flower before the prince. Elizabeth: HAAAAHHH?) Mulan invites him to dinner to which he accepts, the girl kissing him on the cheek once her father goes. (Elizabeth: …O.o Bel: Ushi shi shi~ I got the flower first~! Elizabeth: Seriously, what the fuck is up with the flowers?)

In the mean time, Mushu had returned to the family temple (Zakuro: Hey guys. Byakuran: Oh? You are ready to face your punishment now? Zakuro: …Idgit.) where the head ancestor agrees to make him a guardian again. (Zakuro: I bought you marshmallows Byakuran-sama. Byakuran: All is forgiven and forgotten~!) Mulan then thanks Mushu for all he has done for her (Elizabeth: YOU HELPED ME FIND TEEEAAAA!) just as Mulan's dog (Lupo: :D Elizabeth: LUUUUPPPPPPOOOOO! Squalo: VOOOIII! IT'S NOT A FUCKING DOG!) chases a flock of chickens (Hibari: I'll peck you to death! Mukuro: Oya oya, let's calm down shall we prefect-san? Chrome: Mukuro-sama! Elizabeth: But I thought two of you were ducks…) into the temple.

The End~! (Elizabeth: Huh? Did you hear that captain? Tsuna: MARRY HER WITH MY DYING WILL! Bel: Ushi shi shi~ no.)

**Discoabc: Hey guys!**

**Squalo: VOOOIII! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?**

**Discoabc: I'm sorry! Don't hurt me! I'M WEAK AND FEEBLE!**

**Fran: Don't lie Author-san. You do a load of sports.**

**Discoabc: So?**

**Fran: …**

**Elizabeth: In any case, Discoabc apologizes for such a late update. She was busy being an unproductive person and ill.**

**Discoabc: OI! I AM NOT UNPRODUCTIVE!**

**Elizabeth: You spent one whole day watching people from Gintama dance.**

**Discoabc: Well….IT WAS DISTURBING AND SEXY AT THE SAME TIME! \(-3-)/**

**Fran: Please review so that we become even a little motivated to find out where Levi-sempai has ended up. We think Antarctica but we aren't very sure and without him boss get's very stressed.**

**Discoabc: BYYYYYYEEE!**


	19. The Decaf Part Two

**Hi guys! I'm sorry about updating so late but even though did have a holiday a couple of weeks back, I was being dragged out every single day. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. *cries* So only recently have I been able to be on the computer for long periods of time. PRAISE THE LAWD! On a completely unrelated note, I'm about to eat a pancake and drink tea :D…Now I'm back. It was delicious :) Shout outs~!**

**LeoInyuka: No thank you! You are so nice to me :') Now I need to get back to reading your fic and review like CRAZY cause it's awesome…badass Yuni…hearts…:D**

**Viper'sGirl: HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY!*confetti going everywhere* Aww, I'm glad it made your day even better cause reviews like your make my day really good too :)**

**Soul Vrazy: *accepts cooking and tea* I thank you from the bottom of my heart *salutes*. Yeah, I'm better now and will be forever more since I must have used up all my sick days for the rest of my life! XD**

**Vanessa Celestine Blanchette: I have not failed the world? YAY \(^-^)/ Forever-Anime-Lover…that would describe me perfectly even if it isn't the best of pennames LOL XD Hanamizuki Kokoro (Dogwood heart? Makes me think at the heart of a wood there is a dog…or something…) sounds pretty cool (not as cool as your name now though) and I too don't know why I called myself Discoabc. I was in a strange, strange place when I thought it up…and now I want to call myself Stir-fry-sama. Blame games. Lots and LOTS of games. OF COURSE I SHALL CONTINUE THIS STORY! TO WASTE IT WOULD BE LIKE WASTING A PERFECTLY GOOD CUP OF TEA AND WE ALL KNOW THAT WASTING TEA IS A CRIME PUNISHABLE BY DEATH! (Elizabeth: YEAH!) I shall never catch a disease again. My logic? I have already caught all the illnesses you are meant to catch in a lifetime within the space of around half a year. MUWHAHAHA.**

**Skyla15699: Aww, thank you! I hope you enjoy this chapter too!**

**xXxMentalPancakesxXx: Oh I completely agree with you on the waffles thing. But they still taste nice :D YES! WE SHALL AVENGE YOU ELIZA-CHAN BY SENDING OUT A THOUSAND SHIPS INTO THIS OCEAN OF SOMETHING KNOWN AS 'MATURITY' EVEN THOUGH I SURE AS HELL DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS ;) Don't forget the bunnies. We shall take over the world using tea, Elizabeth armies, pancakes AND bunnies. I know right! Cat's are so damn annoying sometimes. I mean, my cat was trying to eat the broccoli we were having for dinner. ASDFGHJKL;' YOU ARE A CAT! YOU NO LIKE BROCCOLI! DON'T TRY AND EAT IT! PLEASE! I swear, my dog is a bad influence on him…your friend…LOL! My friends are sometimes just creepy. Especially the one who says hi to everyone, even people she doesn't know. We were in a library and she started talking to some kid who eventually said that he was Italian. I said to my friend 'I bet he's in the mafia' and she went 'OMG, YOU ARE IN THE MAFIA'. The kid just face palmed. XD I agree. The world shall be ours…soon…**

**KayleeXD: I agree. Drunk Mammon must be seen. I don't think I can live on without such a sight. Along with crying Squalo. XD. I blame youtube for around 37% of my insanity. Cats also are involved at 18% If Bel and Eiza had kids would they like tea AND coffee? Le gasp! BUT THAT IS BLASPHEMY! His shoes mock me too…I'm tempted to go buy them from a cosplay website not for cosplaying but just walking around in…even though it would cost a fortune…T.E.A Call Home, another bestselling book from the apathetic author Fran XD. *shakes head at Squalo* I expected many things from you but being a cannibal? That's just INEXCUSABLE SQU-CHAN! (Squalo: VOOOOIIII!) You died but Byakuran brought you back? Good Byakuran. Have a marshmallow. One day I shall be able to get that bazooka too…one day…yes. Teddy bears explain everything that has happened in Bel's life. Elizabeth's aspiring to work on a tea farm. She just needs to get enough money first…YEAH TSUNA! HANDS OFF BEL! I'M ALREADY MAKING OCS (notice how it's a plural) FOR YOU SO BE PATIENT OKAY? (Tsuna: …?) I missed the randomness too *wipes away tear* but I'm glad you understand about the Gintama people. They too are responsible for a bit of my insane mind :D **

**George: I praise you for your review! :D If drunk Bel did that to me in real life…I wouldn't mind at all ;) Yeah, I was getting ill A LOT over the past few moneths but I'm all better now! Damn you body trying to kill me! *shakes fist at myself…somehow…* Hi to you too Joan! :D**

**FreezinWinter: No! Don't feel sorry for Levi! HE DESERVES THESE THINGS. SOMEHOW. I'm awesome? Why thank you! I'll try my best to keep things as funny as they are now! *pumps fists in the air***

**Painxsmile: One day Eliza-chan shall discover her insanity, one day…*looks at calendar and remembers I don't have one* soon :D Don't worry, Elizabeth is going to meet the Vongola crew before long. I'm actually planning on various meetings between arcs, various meetings…**

**Kris: I'M SORRY! FORGIVE ME PLEASE! Usually I try writing when I'm ill but that time I felt like I was dying and didn't feel up to writing ANYTHING. I agree. Whoever made up that illness should be put to death, a SLOW and PAINFUL one. :) Don't worry, you aren't the only one who fantasizes about those boots. I mean, they are BEAUTIFUL! ON YOUR T-SHIRT YOU SHOULD PUT XANXUS IN A TEA-CUP OUTFIT. Then again, the world might not be ready for it yet but one day, one day…**

**Mistress of Madness: I'M SORRY. I HAVE FAILED YOU. ELIZABETH, HURRY UP AND BECOME YOUR AWESOME FUTURE SELF. NAO. (Elizabeth: …No.) I agree, I have created an alien. Nobody could possible claim to be Elizabeth and be perfectly sane. Even if I know why she is sane now and insane later. Oh, wait…Don't worry. Older Elizabeth agrees with you. (Elizabeth: YEAH! *drinks tea and throws empty tea cup at Levi* BOOM, HEADSHOT!) Yes. Yes Squ-chan is a disgrace to all women. Drunk three year old Bel is ADORABLE AS HELL! *hugs him* (Bel: You. Are. Not. Teddy. Bear. Me: Sorry…) Kufufu, then I SHALL spoil you! But later…**

**KaminkaSaffire: Aww, thank you! Hope you like this chapter too!**

**KHRVariaLover: A random person from NOWHERE? (O.o) Joking, joking XD. I'm glad you find it so funny since I have a lot of fun writing it all! It is good to laugh out loud and I'm glad you do it when reading this fic :)**

**MomoxTsuna123: I agree. This world HAS just entered a parallel universe! GOD HELP US!**

**AkainoHotaru: I'm glad you find Elizabeth (both versions) great! Some people are practically poking me with pitchforks saying 'BURN THE IMPOSTER' O.o. My reviewers scare me sometimes…but I still love them~ Bel was bound to go insane at one point…and he shall again this chapter. Notice the title of it beeelllooooowww XD **

**Namimori-Skylark-18: But younger Elizabeth will one day learn the truth path onto the way of Elizabeth…ness and lose all maturity (whatever that is ;)) Insane is your middle name too? HIGH FIVE! *high fives* NOOOO! DON'T DIE FROM LOSS OF RANDOMNESS! DON'T DIIIIEEE! I shall never get ill again. Why? I have already been ill enough in the past few months to last a life time! :D**

**Has anyone else played/watched someone play (because that's what my big brother is for :D) Bioshock infinite? The songs in it are so damn cool…**

Chapter: 19: The decaf part two

Squalo twitched.

"Eliza-chan, do you want some bacon?"

"Of course I do! What idiot would say no to bacon Luss-nee had made lovingly with their own blood and sweat?!"

"Aww, that's so kind of you Eliza-chan!"

"Hmph, you only ordered it from the room service who could be planning to POISON boss!"

"SAME THING!"

Squalo twitched again.

"Ushi shi shi~! Pass the sugar peasant."

"I LEVELLED UP!"

"What?"

"Nothing~!"

Twitch.

"Muu…at least this food is of good quality."

"I'm glad you agree! After all, it was your money Luss-nee used to pay for it!"

"_What?"_

Twitch.

"Hey, don't you think we should feed the ninth some of this food? I mean, the cockroach in there could be used guess but then he wouldn't have anything to take his anger out on!"

"I'm sure it's fine…right Gola Moska-chan?"

"…"

"See?"

Twitch.

"Oi, where the fuck is my booze?"

"Ah, good morning boss!"

CRASH! "I said where the fuck is my booze, not good fucking morning trash."

"WE'VE FINALLY KILLED HIM! HELL YEAH!" SPLASH! "FUCKING WATER FOUNTAINS!"

TwitchTwitchTwitchTwitchTwitch.

"VOOOOOOIIIIIIIII!" Squalo finally roared, picking up his plate and smashing it. "WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE ACTING FUCKING NORMAL WHEN A THREAT TO OUR ENTIRE PLAN TO TAKE OVER THE VONGOLA IS HERE? DON'T YOU FUCKING CARE?"

Lussuria gasped. "A threat to our entire plan? WHERE?"

Squalo was very tempted to shout out 'your stupidity, that's what' but Lussuria was the only one who could cook so he decided against it. I mean, have you SEEN Levi cook?! It always ends up with the food being arranged into a picture of Xanxus! Sometimes they were even nude! And with Levi being not the best of artists, Squalo had had to lock himself in his room for almost a month hearing Bel's laughter of denial coming through from his own room he had locked himself in too and Mammon's counting from his money house. It seemed only Lussuria escaped unscathed as Xanxus had to apologize directly to the ninth for destroying half of the Varia headquarters and almost killing everyone including Levi. Why was Lussuria fine?

Because he had seem far worse not in picture-food form but real life. Shudder.

Bel was also a fail at cooking since, well, he was a _prince _and princes did not need the skill of cooking. But, if there was one of those rare moments when he DID cook, it would use all of the supplies the Varia did have, as 'a banquet is the only thing fit for a prince'. He wouldn't share it either. Share any of the food meant to last the whole of the Varia headquarters months in case of a siege.

Fat bastard.

Mammon would just say that they had to pay him if they wanted him to cook. And like anyone was bothered to do THAT!

And like hell if XANXUS would cook! Squalo was certain that even if he did, he would take cooking with wine to the extreme! So he really didn't want to see it happening. Especially with the possibility of him wearing Lussuria's pink apron. ESPECIALLY with that.

Squalo didn't cook either because his hair would get everywhere. Have you TRIED to get dough out of your hair? Well, it's a long and tiring process so don't even TRY and think it would be fun. Fun is going out somewhere nice. Fun is watching Levi being killed. Fun is NOT being in the shower with knives being stabbed at the door, electricity being shot inside the water pipes, fire destroying the building, tentacles seeping through every crack in the bathroom in order to strangle you and high pitched screams making you go deaf because you were taking too long.

Never again.

Never, ever, EVER again.

And then a thought hit him. Lussuria didn't HAVE to cook for them right now, the room service did! So all of those thoughts were pointless and he could go ahead with calling the man an idiot! HURRAY! "Your stu-"

"SQU-CHAN!"

"WHAT?" the man then swore. "DON'T CALL ME SQU-CHAN!"

Elizabeth, who had been the one to shout such a thing, blinked. "What about Squ-san? Better?"

"Yes! I MEAN NO!"

"Squ-kun?"

"NO!"

"Squ-sempai?"

"NO!"

"Squ-sensei?"

"NO!"

"…Squ-sama?"

"NO, NO, NO_, NO!_"

"I thought Squ-sama was quite good…" she sniffed dramatically, turning away. "BUT I SEE YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT DO YOU? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT HOW LONG IT TOOK FOR ME TO THINK THAT UP! ALL THOSE HOURS OF HARD WORK, AND YOU DISCARDED THEM LIKE YOU DID THAT POOR PLATE! SMASHING IT TO PIECES! _PIECES_! YOU…YOU…YOU MONSTER!"

Lussuria gasped before glaring daggers at Squalo from behind his sunglasses. "YOU TAKE THAT BACK MISSY!"

"What? NO!" he pointed at the other man. "And I am NOT a fucking WOMAN!"

"Ushi shi shi~! The prince begs to differ," Bel laughed before taking another bite of his food.

"VOOOOOOOIIIII!"

Elizabeth cracked her knuckles. "I should teach you a lesson young whippersnapper! Oh haha, I'm actually older than you right now…"

Cue 'wtf' looks.

"Pretty much, I'M GONNA KICK YO ASS!"

"Leave it honey, she ain't worth it," Lussuria tossed his hair-an achievement considering how short it was-and linked arms with the girl who was currently on the verge of pulling out her katana. "She ain't WORTH it!"

Mammon looked down at his food. "Muu…considering how much L'Oreal he uses, he probably is actually."

"Oh BURN!" Elizabeth yelled, spinning round to high-five Mammon. The arcobaleno looked blankly at her. "You're gonna leave me hanging? Really? REALLY!"

"…"

"Okay," she then picked up a mug of tea, drunk it all and then threw it through the window at Levi who had finally managed to scale the outside of the building, knocking him all the way down to the fountain below. "Oh HELL YEAH! VICTORY DRINK OF TEA!" she then gasped. "NOOOO! I JUST THREW THE MUG OUT OF THE WINDOW!"

"No shit," Squalo's eyes then narrowed. "And how was earlier burning me? You just affirmed I was worth it!"

Her eyebrows rose. "Full of yourself aren't ya missy?"

"I'll fucking KILL you."

"THE JOKE'S ON YOU, I'M ACTUALLY IMMORTAL!"

There was a moment of silence. "You are…immortal?" Mammon asked seriously, part of him thinking about how she might know something about the curse of the arcobaleno considering how they had all practically become immortal.

"OF COURSE! THE TEA GOD PROTECTS ME AFTER ALL!"

Mammon then recalled she was an idiot. So much of one he was wondering whether she was even an assassin despite having seen her fighting capabilities. There was a limit to how far raw strength could take you. Take Squalo for example: very strong but never able to take over the Varia.

BUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRN.

Cough.

"Trash," Xanxus finally spoke, everyone else in the room jumping. What? He had been so silent they had half thought that he was dead or something! "Where the FUCK is my booze?"

Elizabeth shrugged. "In this world there are some questions that will never be answered. Like why are cupcakes called cupcakes when cups are usually much bigger than them? Why are marshmallows something most evil geniuses like? And is Bel actually eyeless?"

Bel felt the urge to reach for his knife.

"But in this case the answer is simple…" she clasped her hands together, eyes closed. "It's Levi's fault."

Instantly Xanxus walked out of the room. "…Where actually is the booze?" Bel then asked in honest curiosity.

"Oh, it's in that cupboard!" Elizabeth told him brightly.

Silence.

"_B-boss? What are you doing with those guns?"_

"_Die trash."_

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

"So…anybody hungry?" Elizabeth asked, not at all unnerved by the earlier scream much like the other Varia members.

"VOOOIII! Your breakfast is fucking in FRONT of you!"

"And…?"

"…You fat bitch."

Elizabeth stared at him for a few seconds. "Squ-chan."

"IT'S SQU-SAMA! WAIT…FUCK!"

The girl simply got out her guns and started shooting at him, Squalo managing to dodge just in time. "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" he half screamed.

"Yes, what is wrong with you? You are costing us money," Mammon stated, a hint of malice in his squeaky voice.

"What do you mean what's wrong with her? HE CALLED HER FAT!" Lussuria shrieked, pointing accusingly at the man who was still dodging bullets, Elizabeth having now stepped onto the table, a blank look on her face as she tried to kill him. She then suddenly jumped forwards and brought her leg round in a kick, Squalo rolling out of the way and having a vase smash instead of his body.

Why was a vase there?

Because they were rich bastards and could afford it. Not meaning Mammon approved though. (Mammon: …Don't waste money.)

"Ushi shi shi~! So close peasant," Bel called out having swung his legs up onto the table and now watching Elizabeth attempt to murder Squalo not without amusement.

"KICK 'EM WHERE IT HURTS HONEY!" Lussuria screeched, pumping his fists up in the air. "Oh wait, Squ-chan's a girl…KICK 'EM ANYWHERE THEN HONEY!"

The girl saluted solemnly, firing again so a bullet grazed Squalo's cheek. At this moment Xanxus appeared again, a possibly dead Levi being dragged behind him. Two things popped into his head. One: What the fuck? And two: why is Mammon flying around the room…?

There was an answer to the second came to him a few seconds later when Elizabeth raised her leg to kick Squalo in the back of the head, this possibly killing him if she did it hard enough. Before she could execute the rest of her attack, a huge metal hand suddenly grabbed her ankle and she was suddenly dangling in mid-air. "Muu…finally you will stop destroying things and costing us money," Mammon said, a perfect image of boredom as he held the controls to a DANGEROUS, POWERFUL, KILLER ROBOT, Elizabeth having placed her guns back in their holsters as she crossed her arms, Gola Moska's hand wrapped around her ankle.

"Well this is like brining a killer robot to a gun fight! Oh, wait…"

"You…crazy…fucking…bitch…" Squalo panted.

"You brought it upon yourself Squ-chan! Or is it Squ-sama?" Lussuria stroked his chin, deep in thought.

"IT'S SQUALO!"

"WHAT? All this time, I have been deceived…"

"I NEVER DECEIVED YOU! IT'S ALWAYS BEEN MY NAME!"

"WHHHHAAAAAAATTTT!"

Elizabeth 'tch'ed'. "She's obviously lying. I mean, who would name their child SQUALO?"

"Obviously MINE!" the longhaired man hissed.

"Then your parents must be robots."

Everyone did a double take. _"What?"_

"Well, DUH!"the brunette smirked. "I've figured it all out you see! Gola Moska is actually Squ-chan's twin brother of whom he was separated with at birth! And on this one mission they have finally met each other again only to realize they are in love with the same woman!"

"…I know I'll regret this but…" Squalo looked her with a sigh. "Who?"

"THE NINTH OF COURSE!"

Lussuria let out a cry of horror. "You…YOU ARE CHEATING ON ME, SQU-SENSEI?"

"VOOOIII! I WAS NEVER WITH YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE, THE NINTH IS A MAN AND MY NAME IS SQUALO!"

"Whatever you say Squ-kun," Elizabeth waved him off with a smile. "Anyway, it makes sense doesn't it? Gola Moska nabbed the ninth before Squ-san could and is being super protective of them, not even letting them go OUTSIDE! Squ-sama, heartbroken, will now look to get back her beloved ninth with the use of her machine abilities sealed at birth! IT'S PERFECT!"

"Ushi shi shi~! What machine abilities?" Bel asked, clearly amused by this whole situation.

"THESE MACHINE ABILITIES!" Elizabeth reached forwards, grabbed Squalo's right hand and pulled it back so it lay flat against his arm. The man let out a scream of pain. "Oops, wrong hand~!"

"YOU FUCKING BITCH!" he roared, his right hand waving about limply. "YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE!"

"Me? On purpose? Never…" her eyes then darkened evilly as she leant towards his ear. "That's what you get for calling me fat, Squ-sempai," she whispered before drawing back. "I'M HUNGRY DAMN IT! MAKE ME SOME FOOD WOMAN!"

Squalo considered arguing. He then looked down at his right hand, aching and lifeless, and decided otherwise.

Good Squ-chan. San. Kun. Sempai. Sensei. Sama.

_Later_

"So…" Elizabeth began, leaning back in her armchair. "Right now we are in a café because Squ-insert honorific here cannot cook well as mentioned earlier in his thoughts but ignored by us because we all at least have to pretend we can't read minds and getting our room service to tend to our needs is too easy?"

Cue nods.

"And Levi with his squad of whom we have seen nothing of this whole time and no indication to where they are staying has gone off to find the Vongola thunder ring guy/stalk random people until he can find them because he's useless?"

Cue more nods.

"And the boss of the Varia is right now playing Club Penguin because he heard someone on there was called 'Vongola-Decimo'?"

It was hesitant but they all nodded. Aside from Xanxus who was too busy swearing at the screen of his laptop saying that whoever this 'Vongola-Decimo' was needed to die for stealing his rightful name. THIS WAS A SERIOUS MATTER DAMN IT!

"…Meh. Seems legit," Elizabeth then looked backwards at Gola Moska who was sat on a sofa, a cake in front of them. "HEY! SHARING IS CARING DAMN IT!"

Gola Moska said nothing.

"Well, I understand that you wouldn't want my diet to break but I'm not ON a diet! Your sister Squ-I can't think of any honorific right now is!"

Silence.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL MY MOTHER?"

"Eliza-chan, stop it!" Lussuria ordered. "Gola Moska-chan is going through a very hard time in their life right now! To find out your sister is in love with the same woman as you is extremely crippling both mentally and physically! THEY NEED OIL NOW EVERY TWO HOURS!" he broke out into sobs, clinging to Squalo's arm. "HELP YOUR BROTHER SQU-ONEE-CHAN!"

"DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT!" Squalo shouted, pushing them to the ground.

"LUSS-NEE, NOOOOOOOOO!" Elizabeth reached out for them in slow motion but fell into Bel's lap instead, the boy looking down at her with a slightly confused grin. "No, no, no!" she made an X gesture with both arms, not moving from his lap. "You should give a big confident grin and ask about when I fell from heaven, did it hurt?"

He cocked his head to the side. "…Why peasant?"

"Because I'll have you know it DID!" she huffed childishly. "It's a miracle my face didn't end up looking like Levi's! Actually, that's a little too mean…"

"To that thunder pervert?" the blonde wondered aloud, Elizabeth sitting up in his lap.

"Nope, to my face," shooting him a peace sign, she skipped over to Lussuria's body, whipping out her katana. "DO NOT FEAR LUSS-NEE, FOR I SHALL AVENGE YOU!" snapping her fingers, the controls to Gola Moska suddenly landed in her hands.

"How did she…?"

"NOW, FORWARD MARCH MY KNIGHTMARE! KILL THE EMPEROR OF BRITANNIA!" pressing a few buttons, she closed her eyes, hands placed proudly on her hips.

"_Self destruct sequence initiated."_

"…Well, I suppose that WOULD kill him."

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT!" Squalo howled as people began to sprint out of the café. Why weren't they running before? Because this was Japan. And the people over there can accept that the mafia has super powers. "GIVE ME THE CONTROLS!"

Lussuria blinked. "They want to control their poor, disturbed brother? ELIZA-CHAN, DON'T YOU DARE GIVE HIM THE CONTROLS!"

"Roger that Luss-nee!" the brunette saluted, pressing another few buttons so that Gola Moska stood up before firing up it's rockets.

The Varia members stared at her aside from Xanxus who was now engaged in a snowball fight with 'Vongola-Decimo'. The latter was winning so far. "…What did you do now?"

The girl smirked. "Something awesome of course."

"_Target: Superbi Squalo. Eradicate."_

"FUCK!" that was Squalo.

"FUCKING BITCH!" that too was Squalo.

"MUWHAHAHAHA!" …that wasn't Squalo. Although it was admittedly just as loud as him. "RUN BITCH RUN!"

"You'd better be doing that too!"

"Eh?" a pause. "Oh shit."

Elizabeth began to run away from Squalo who was being chased by a flying Gola Moska firing rockets at him, the others simply sitting down on their armchairs and sofas. "Do you think…" Lussuria began tentatively.

"We should stop them?" Mammon finished before taking a sip of his coffee. "Definitely. It'll cost us money otherwise."

"Ushi shi shi~! Why don't YOU stop them then Mammy?" Bel asked, watching Elizabeth hop over the counter of the café, Squalo also jumping over but Gola Moska just crashing through it.

"Because that would waste my time." AND TIME IS MOOONNNNNEEEEEYYYYY!

Lussuria shook his head. "I can't either. To get in the way of a fight between siblings…that's…that's…"

"Possible since she is there," Mammon gestured towards Elizabeth.

"But Eliza-chan is helping!"

"The prince really doubts that," Bel snickered as Elizabeth began to throw mugs of coffee at Squalo.

"BOOM! HEADHSOT!" she cackled when she hit him.

"VOOOOOIIIIIII!" Squalo then caught one of the mugs she was throwing and launched it back however disaster struck.

"A-AN UNGUARDED MUG OF TEA!" she thought in horror, realizing that if she dodged the mug, the tea would be hit! OH THE HORROR! "I SHALL PROTECT YOU IN THE NAME OF THE TEA GOD!" she yelled, moving in slow motion to take out her katana.

Note SLOW motion.

Of course, because of how slow she was being, she got smacked right in the forehead by the mug of coffee.

Yes, she got smacked in the face by her greatest enemy, COFFEE.

"ELIZA-CHAN!" Lussuria screamed, running to the girl and holding her hand. "Come on Eliza-chan, you are stronger than this! YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THIS!" he sobbed. "Don't die on me! DON'T DIE!"

Elizabeth-who had coffee running down her face like her blood might've if it had indeed broken her skin-smiled weakly. "Luss-nee, tell boss that…"

Instantly everyone was crowded around her, excluding Xanxus who was still trying to defeat 'Vongola-Decimo'. Trying. "Yes Eliza-chan! Tell me your dying words! YOUR DYING WORDS!" Lussuria cried, tears running down his face comically.

"…HE NEEDS TO PRESS THE T BUTTON TO RAPID FIRE SNOWBALLS!" and with that, she passed out. Bel poked her face, some coffee getting on his finger. When she didn't react, he shrugged.

"The peasant seems to have been knocked out," he drawled, licking his finger clear of the coffee before frowning. "This coffee tastes strange…"

Everyone who was conscious-except Xanxus who had finally discovered the secret to defeating 'Vongola-Decimo'-cocked their heads to the side. "Strange?"

Lussuria wiped some coffee off Elizabeth's face and tasted it. "Ah, it's a decaf!"

Squalo, as he ran round the room for the tenth time away from Gola Moska, narrowed his eyes. "What's wrong with a fucking decaf?!"

"…FUCKING DIE!"

BOOM!

And Squalo, THAT is what's wrong with a fucking decaf.

_Later_

When Elizabeth woke up to chaos the only to think three things. A. Meh. Seems legit. B. I need tea. And C. …Where the fuck did the café go?

For she was lying right now on a patch of green grass, her hair splayed across the ground randomly and eyes staring upwards as random gunshots fired around her along with a lot of swearing and screaming. She then saw Squalo's face looming over her. "…This better not be fucking heaven cause I asked to wake up to the TEA GOD'S face. Although the chaos bit is perfectly accurate," she then noticed he was frowning and tutted. "You'll get wrinkles at this rate Squ-something or other!"

"This is YOUR fault!" he growled.

"OF COURSE IT IS!" she stated proudly. "By the way, what is 'this' exactly?"

Her face looked exactly like the smiley ':D' when the man almost fell over. "VOOOOIII! IT'S YOUR FAULT HE TASTED THAT FUCKING DECAF!"

"A decaf? As in a decaf coffee?" Elizabeth crossed her arms, turning her head to the side. "Then it wasn't my fault after all. After all, I'd NEVER fraternize with coffee! Tea on the other hand is an entirely different matter."

At this exact moment Bel decided to do a spinning kick to Squalo's face, bazooka in one hand and glasses in the other, shades also visible underneath his bangs.

"I'd give it a nine, not enough sparkly effects," Elizabeth told him, holding up eight fingers. She then peered closely at them, frowning. "Strange, it seems like I'm holding up one hundred and two…preposterous of course since I should be holding up one hundred and five! Maybe I need glasses…" the girl then looked at Bel's hands and clasped her hands together. "MY HERO! YOU HAVE EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED!"

The blonde staggered about slightly, holding up the glasses. "You mean *hic* these?"

"Those? Psh, HELL NO! Why would I need glasses?" she scoffed, sitting up and wrenching the bazooka from his hand. "THIS is what I needed!"

Bel suddenly leant towards her, so close to her that any normal human being would feel a sense of awkwardness. But this was Elizabeth.

"Wassup? I know, it's just the sky, kinda a downer. Even though it's not falling down…yet…" her eyes darted from side to side suspiciously.

"VOOOOOOIIIIII!" Squalo then marched up to Bel, grabbing the scruff of his neck roughly. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR YOU BASTARD?"

Elizabeth placed one hand on her hip, Bel's glasses now also perched on her nose. "FOR SCIENCE!"

"I WASN'T FUCKING ASKING YOU!"

"Oh…" she took off the glasses. "FOR SCIENCE!"

"YOU ARE STILL THE SAME PERSON EVEN WHEN YOU HAVE TAKEN YOUR GLASSES OFF!"

"Aww, Squ-dilahlahlahlah! I never knew that you felt so strongly about how me as a person!" the brunette gushed. "Also, you should start running."

The man glared at her. "Why the FUCK should I do that?"

"Because love triangles with the ninth involved are VERY complicated."

"What?"

"_Target found. Initiating eradication."_

"VOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIII!"

Elizabeth and Bel both watched as Squalo raced away with the killer robot hot on his heels, Lussuria then appearing and racing after them, screaming about how they could always talk about their family issues if they wanted to. Mammon then flew past, grumbling something about how the destruction of the café had cost them WAY too much, Xanxus behind them using one of his guns to fly about, the other holding the computer so that his thumb could still press buttons in his epic battle against 'Vongola-Decimo'. The flames from the gun were also causing fires down below on the ground and in the trees adding even more to the chaos.

"Sooooooooooo," Bel elongated the word, staggering about slightly and hiccupping. "Who are…YOU?" he jabbed his finger in Elizabeth's face, the girl grinning as she pushed her glasses up the ridge of her nose.

"I am a TEA BEARER!" she proclaimed smugly.

Bel let out a gasp. "You are a…TEDDY BEAR?"

She frowned. "No, I am not a teddy bear! I'm a TEA BEARER! The two are completely different!"

The boy peered at her closely, shades shaking about as he jumped up and down. "…Really?"

"YES!"

"…Really, really, really?"

"…No…"

"YAY! SO YOU ARE A TEDDY BEAR!" he pounced on her, hugging the girl happily. She made a grunt of realization whilst in his embrace.

"So THAT'S why he thought I was a teddy bear! Oh, haha, I caused annoyance for myself in the past…I mean future…I mean…" a pause. "DAMN TIME TRAVEL!"

"Hmmmmm, teddy bear smells nice…" Bel then mumbled into her neck.

"Tch, of course I do! My perfume is of the top brand that has been going for more than ten years!" she boasted.

The blonde looked up at her. "It smells really, really, really, REALLY nice…"

"…Is this the moment when you tell me that you are in fact a vampire? Or an alien. Please let it be an alien, I don't think I could take it if someone then put you in a Twilight parody! YOU ARE TOO YOUNG! TOO YOUNG!" she sobbed, clutching him tightly.

"Like five?" Bel asked excitedly.

Elizabeth paused her sobbing to think about this. "More like four…no…make it three…" she looked him dead in the eyes/shades before resuming her crying. "TOOOOOO YYYYYYOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNGGGG!"

"I wanna be an alien then!" the boy announced. "If my teddy bear wants me to be an alien then I'm an alien!"

"Oh the logic…" the brunette sighed happily. "You'd best be a prince too, that way your blood will match the criteria since it is blue!"

"I wanna be the prince of the teddy bears too!" Bel nodded enthusiastically. "An alien, teddy bear prince!"

"Well, in that case, you should just be a teddy bear prince. Otherwise your blood will be scarlet," Elizabeth pointed out.

The boy let out an exclamation of surprise. "I always thought scarlet WAS red like normal blood!"

"HELL NO! What kind of idiot would think that?!" she tossed her hair behind her shoulders, quite the feat considering how Bel was hugging her the whole time. "No, the magician with the frog hat is always right! ALWAYS! It is a belief I have had since ooh, exactly ten years ago!" finally a question popped into her head that she definitely should have been asking earlier. But she had been busy then. With…love triangles and aliens and teddy bears.

She had the strange feeling that these three things along with tea somehow defined her very existence.

"…Where am I and how did I get here?" cue cringe. "Oh gawd, I was cliché! Kill me quickly teddy bear prince! KILL ME BEFORE I BECOME INSANE! INSANE WITH CLICHÉNESS!"

"NO!" the blonde hugged her tighter. "I WILL NOT KILL YOU AMD I NEVER SHALL FOR TEDDY BEAR PRINCES NEVER BREAK THEIR PROMISES!"

"Hmm, I'll take you up on that offer as long as my survival is ensured by an average of 89.7%. No, make it 87.2%. Otherwise life on the edge as an assassin/alien teddy bear won't be life on the edge! It will be life on the middle of the table!"

"YOU HAVE YOURSELF A DEAL!" they both shook hands with solemn and serious faces, these expressions not changing at all for the next minute despite events going on in the background.

"_VOOOOOOOOOOIIII! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"_

"_Eradicate target at all costs and then self destruct."_

"_YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE!"_

"_Stop destroying everything. We'll be sued by environmentalists."_

"_Fucking 'Vongola-Decimo'…you piece of shit, I let you win the first round of card-jitsu but I'll fucking burn you to a crisp this time so your fucking ice attacks won't work!"_

"So, why are we here again?" Elizabeth then asked.

"The café went BOOM! And I went POW! And then green haired man went WAAAAH! And silver girl went VOOOIII! And machine went KICHAW! And flying baby went MUUUUUU! And scar face went DIIIIIIEEEE! And you weren't saying anything but you would have gone TEEEEEEAAAA!"

"So you mean to say everything exploded, you escaped through punching down a door, Luss-nee ran to save me and made Squ-NYANNYANYANNYANNYAN come to save us both, Gola Moska flew over to kill Squ-GANGAM STYLE and inadvertently rescued all of us by shooting through a wall, Mammon floated off to save the money still on him, boss walked out like the boss he is still playing on Club Penguin, also accidently ordering us all the head for a forest by shouting out that's where 'Vongola-Decimo' had gone and I would have gone tea because we left all of the delicious drink behind?!"

Bel nodded.

"NOOOOOOO, MY TEEEEEEEEAAAAAA!"

"Should we go back?" he asked, placing his hand to his chest. "My alien teddy bear's pain is my pain too…"

"No, I want to teach you some songs instead…"

"Songs?"

"Teddy bear songs…"

And that was exactly how Squalo discovered giving Bel a decaf was possibly the worst thing imaginable. And that the blonde did not sing well whilst in a drunk, child-like state.

…Oops.

_In the evening_

"Boss," Levi kneeled before the man sat in a plush looking chair, swirling around some brandy in a glass. "I have almost located the thunder guardian."

"Hmph…" Xanxus looked out of the window, watching as the evening sun set causing the sky to turn a somewhat beautiful blood red. "Find them quickly. We attack those pieces of shit today."

"Yes boss," the man nodded before disappearing out of the room, the Varia boss drumming his fingers on the table.

"Today is the day I shall finally be let it known that I, and I alone, am the only one fit for the title of Vongola Decimo. No little pieces of trash will take it from me, isn't that right 'Vongola-Decimo'?"

Xanxus's penguin got smashed in the face by a snowball.

"…Fuck."

**Extra: Aladdin and the teapot**

Once upon a time (Fran: How very cliché author-san. Elizabeth: Cliché? NOOOOOOOOOOO! KILL IT! KILL IT QUICKLY!) there lived a wicked man named Jafar (Levi: What did you just call me? Me: Jaffa. Elizabeth: EAT HIM NAO! Levi: …?) who was Grand Vizier to the Sultan of Agrabah. (Xanxus: Trash. Elizabeth: Yes boss? Xanxus: …Where the fuck is that? Elizabeth: Dunno BUT YOU ARE RULING IT! :D) After having attempted to retrieve a magic oil lamp (Elizabeth: MAGIC TEAPOT! Fran: So Cute-sempai also needs hearing aid along with glasses…) that was hidden within the Cave of Wonders (Me: Stevie Wonders lives in there y'know. Everyone else: …the fuck?), Jafar (Elizabeth: JAAAAAAFFFFFFAAAAAAA! Levi: Stop calling me that brat! Squalo: Finally somebody understands my pain! FINALLY! Elizabeth: SQU-RUBADUBDUB! Squalo: MY NAME IS SQUALO DAMN IT!) witnessed a petty thief (Mammon: I am not a petty thief. Elizabeth: Yeah right, how ELSE could you have so much money? Mammon: Through working perhaps? Elizabeth: What is this working you speak of? I have never heard of it before! Squalo: That explains too fucking much…) fail to enter the cave. (Elizabeth: YEAH! STEVIE WONDERS REJECTS YOU! BOO YAH!) The man and Iago, his parrot, (Lussuria: Mou, Discoabc-chan thinks I'm like a parrot?! Me: But it means no one can pull it off as best as you can! Lussuria: Awwww, thank you! Fran: He does realize author-san practically called them a parrot, right?) then learn that only a 'Diamond in the Rough' (Me: Or a teabag in the pot. Elizabeth; Tch, that fits me to a T! Squalo: I'm not going to even question the fuck how.) can enter the cave. (Me: OF STEVIE WONDERS! Elizabeth: DUN, DUN, DUUUUUUUUUN!)

The next day Jasmine (Elizabeth: I HAVE ARRIVED! MUWHAHAHAHA! Fran: You were butting in earlier so that statement technically isn't true. Elizabeth: SCREW THE TRUTH, I AM A FUCKING PRINCESS!), the Sultan's daughter, (Elizabeth: Sup dad? Xanxus: …) finds herself so annoyed with her life in the palace (Elizabeth: I'm tired of this place! The tea tastes crap and I don't even know where here is! WHERE AM I? WHERE IS AGRABAH?) that she flees to Agrabah's market. (Xanxus: Oi trash. Get some fucking tea from the market. It's meant to taste like fucking heaven. Elizabeth: BUT OF COURSE!) It is there she bumps into a man named Aladdin (Bel: Ushi shi shi~! The prince has finally been introduced. Fran: Aladdin isn't a prince though. He becomes a fake one however. Suits you well, Fake prince-sempai. Elizabeth: OH BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRN! Bel: I'll KILL you.) and his monkey Abu. (Fon: It appears you are mistaken. It is my familiar animal that is a monkey, not I. Elizabeth: CLOSE ENOUGH.) The two discover that they in fact have much in common (Elizabeth: I like tea. Bel: The prince prefers coffee. Elizabeth: LE GASP! YOU MONSTER!) and spend time together quite happily. (Elizabeth: DIIIIIIIIEEEEEE! Bel: Stop it servant! Elizabeth: IT'S PRINCESS DAMN IT!)

However Aladdin is then captured by the police (Gokudera: STOP IN THE NAME OF THE TENTH! Yamamoto: Haha, silly Gokudera, it's 'stop in the name of the law' not the tenth! Bel: Ushi shi shi~! They are idiots.) and detained for thievery. (Elizabeth: So it WASN'T Mammon who stole the money! It was YOU! Bel: The prince has no idea what you are talking about.) Jasmine orders for him to be released (Elizabeth: It is I who will kill him and NO ONE ELSE!) but Jafar (Elizabeth: JAFFA! Levi: MY NAME IS NOT JAFFA! Elizabeth: What about Jabba the Hutt? Levi: NO!) lies to her, saying that Aladdin has already been executed. (Elizabeth: NOOOOOOOOO! Levi: Hah! Take that brat! Elizabeth: I SHALL KILL YOU INSTEAD JAFFA! Levi: What? AND MY NAME ISN'T JAFFA! Elizabeth: JABBA THEN!) Disguising himself as an elderly man (Squalo: VOOOIIII! I'M NOT FUCKING ELDERLY! Elizabeth: And neither are you a man. Fran: Burn. Squalo: VOOOOOIIIIII!), Jafar (Elizabeth: JA- Levi: SHUT IT ALREADY!) releases Aladdin and Abu from the prison. (Gokudera: Why the hell did you lock up the monkey damn it?! Yamamoto: Ahaha, but the other guy would be lonely otherwise! Gokudera: IT WAS A MONKEY!) He lead the towards the Cave of Wonders (Elizabeth: I never knew Squ-WONDERS was a fan of Stevie Wonders… Lussuria: Oh that's because Gola Moska-chan IS Stevie Wonders! Elizabeth: Squ-OMG's machine brother is Stevie Wonders? MEGA PLOT TWIST! Fran: I'm more concerned about the act that Stevie Wonders is a killer robot in love with a mafia boss who is apparently a woman…) which tiger-shaped entrance (Uri: Nya~!) orders them to touch nothing but the lamp. (Uri: Nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya, nya~! Elizabeth: Oh, but of course! Bel: Ushi shi shi~! You know how to speak cat servant? Elizabeth: What are you talking about? This is obviously a rhino! Fran: …Cute-sempai definitely needs glasses.)

Aladdin and Abu enter the cave, finding a magic carpet (Elizabeth: It's Squ-HEY MACARENA's machine brother Stevie Wonder's other brother, DAVID BOWIE! Strau Moska: Target: Eliminate. Squalo: VOOOOIIII! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! Fran: This family tree is somewhat disturbing…) that leads them to the lamp. (Elizabeth: MAGIC TEAPOT! :D Bel: It's mine. Elizabeth: Awwwwww….) But, before Aladdin can take the lamp and give it back to the waiting Jafar (Levi: DON'T SAY A WORD! Elizabeth: Okay. Levi: Finally… Elizabeth: Jaffa. Levi: ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!) Abu's attempt to steal a huge ruby (Elizabeth: So the thief wasn't Mammon OR captain! It was YOU! Fon: I'm not sure of what is going on at all…) causes the cave to begin to collapse, the magic carpet (Elizabeth: DAVID BOWIE TO THE RESCUE! Strau Moska: Eliminate target at any cost.) flies them back to the entrance. (Strau Moska: Target: Superbi Squalo. Eliminate *starts to fly towards him with Fon and Bel on their back*. Squalo: VOOOOOOOIIIIIII!) When Aladdin tries to deliver the lamp to Jafar however (Elizabeth: J-J-J-J-J….AFFA! Levi: THAT'S IT! *picks up knife* Fran: Oh dear. Levi-sempai has finally snapped.) attempts to kill him. (Levi: I'LL KILL YOU ALL! MUWHAHAHA! Bel: Get away from the prince! Lussuria: NOOOOO! MY CHILDREN THAT ARE NOT MY ACTUAL CHILDREN BUT LOVED AS IF THEY WERE!) Abu manages to bite Jafar's arm just in time (Elizabeth: Hang on, if Levi is disguised as Squalo AKA meaning they switches actors, shouldn't Squalo be the one in control right now? So therefore it doesn't matter if Levi has gone mad since Squalo is the one in control right now? Bel: Ushi shi shi~! But commander Squalo is being chased by Strau Moska right now so he's opioid~! Elizabeth: I WITHDRAW MY STATEMENT THEN!) and gets the lamp back. (Elizabeth: You have done well, protecting the magic teapot from the forces of evil. You have done well. Fon: …Thank you?) He, the carpet and Aladdin then fall back into the cave just as it closes. (Uri: Nya~! Elizabeth: They said that was a very good meal. Gokudera: U-Uri eats HUMANS?)

Whilst in the collapsed cave, Aladdin then rubs the lamp (Bel: The prince cannot stand something so dirty. Fran: Clean up your mind then… Elizabeth: HIGH FIVE ME BROTHER! Bel: *twitches*) thus accidently releasing a genie (Fran: Hurray. My character is finally introduced. Elizabeth: A…frog magician genie? Fran: …). "I can grant you three wishes," the genie told him in a monotone voice. "However this excludes anything to do with murder, romance, gaining more wishes or revival of the dead." (Elizabeth: Dang! And I was all hyped about creating that zombie army as well…)

Aladdin tricks the genie into freeing them from the cave without using up any wishes and, whilst standing in the desert where the Cave of Wonders is (Squalo: Hmph. More like was.), contemplates what he should in fact wish for. "Ushi shi shi~! What would you wish for?" Aladdin asked the genie.

"I'd like to be freed from the lamp," the genie told him. (Fran: People keep putting tea in it even though it is obviously not a teapot. Elizabeth: BLASPHEMY! IT OBVIOUSLY IS A TEAPOT! Fran: And that's where all those people went wrong.) Aladdin then promises to free the genie for his last wish (Bel: No, the prince will wish for the froggie to stay in there for all eternity. Fran: Wow. Thanks a lot Fake prince-sempai.) before talking to him about Jasmine who he has fallen helplessly in love with. (Bel: … Me: :D Bel: … Me: :D Bel: …No. Me: Yes :D) He then decides to wish to become a prince so that he can woo the princess. (Bel: No the prince doesn't. Fran: Apparently the prince does. Which is a shame since you will no longer be Fake prince-sempai. You shall be Used to be fake but now real prince-sempai. Bel: I really will kill you.)

Just as Aladdin returns to Agrabah (Elizabeth: SERIOUSLY! WHERE THE HELL IS THAT? Bel: Don't ask the prince.), Jafar tries to trick the Sultan (Levi: I WOULD NEVER TRY TO TRICK THE BOSS! Mammon: Clearly.) into arranging a marriage between (Fran: Probably himself and boss being the pervert he is…) himself and Jasmine. (Elizabeth & LEVI: WHAT? Fran: Look Used to be fake but now real prince-sempai. Cute-sempai would even prefer to have Levi-sempai over you. Bel: That's it. The prince is wishing for you to live through an eternity of torture for the last wish.) When 'Prince Ali' marches into the Sultan's palace riding on top of an elephant (Orgelt: I do not serve you! I serve the rightful king! Bel: Shut it *kicks him* Elizabeth: ANIMAL CRUELTY!) Jasmine rejects him as a suitor. (Elizabeth: Do you like tea? Bel: I prefer co- I mean, the prince loves it. Elizabeth: YOU HESITATED! TO DEATH YOU SHALL GO!) The genie suggests that Aladdin should tell Jasmine who he really is (Fran; A thief. Bel: The prince is not a thief! Elizabeth: I'LL FIND THE TRUE THIEF ONE DAY! MUWHAHAHA!) but the boy refuses to, instead choosing to continue to play the part of a charming prince, climbing onto her balcony (Elizabeth: Captain…are you a…a…STALKER? Bel: NO!) and attempting to court her. (Bel: Ushi shi shi~! The princess has very beautiful eyes. Elizabeth: More beautiful than the rest of my body? Bel: No… Elizabeth: YOU THINK ONLY MY EYES ARE BEAUTIFUL DON'T YOU? YOU HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING! *sobs* Bel: …) "Why don't you just jump off that balcony?!" Jasmine eventually shouts, thinking that Aladdin only thinks of her to be a prize to be won.

"You're right…" the boy sighed. "The prince is sorry for treating the princess in such a way. You are a human being, not just a prize…" (Elizabeth: Aww…that's kinda sweet! But still, please jump off that balcony. Bel: …) Aladdin then hopped off the balcony. (Elizabeth: HOLY SHIT! HE ACTUALLY DID IT!) Jasmine, in her shock, reached out her arm.

"WAIT!" (Elizabeth: I'VE CHANGED MY MIND! STOP JUMPING/FALIING!)

Aladdin popped his head up. "Yes?" (Elizabeth: …You can fly? Bel: Think servant. Elizabeth: PRINCESS. Bel: …Princess.)

"How…how are you doing that?" she asked, the boy then flying over to her on the magic carpet. (Elizabeth: DAVID BOWIE! Strau Moska: Target not in area. Must find and eliminate target. Elizabeth: Aww, you always say the sweetest things!) Aladdin then explained to her how it was a magic carpet, offering to take her outside the palace walls on it. (Bel: Ushi shi shi~! Would the princess like to fly on a killer robot as it tries to find and eliminate someone? Elizabeth: HELL YES.) She accepts and the two began to fly around the world. On this trip, Jasmine manages to expose 'Prince Ali' as Aladdin and demands to know the truth. (Elizabeth: I KNEW YOU WERE THAT GUY WHO LIKED COFFEE MORE THAN TEA! I KNEW IT! Bel: Err…the prince can explain…) Aladdin makes up a story that he sometimes dresses as a commoner when tired of palace life. (Bel: The prince pretends to like coffee in order to discover those who do not like tea and executes them! Elizabeth: And somehow I believe you for no explicable reason!) The two then lean their heads together so that their noses touch and then (Elizabeth: NO! THE CLICHÉ LOVE SCENE IS KILLING ME! *falls towards Bel's face* NO, NOT ANOTHER CLICHÉ ONE AT THE SAME TIME!) they both kiss. (Fran: *Watches as Elizabeth and Bel accidently kiss* Readers may now squeal. Me: OHMAIGAAAAWWWWWWWDD! Fran: …You aren't a reader author-san.) Aladdin then returns Jasmine home feeling giddy and happy inside. (Bel: No, the prince feels like murdering the author of this rubbish. They would probably feel the same *points at Elizabeth who's passed out…somehow…*) But then Aladdin is captured by Jafar (Levi: HOW DARE YOU KISS BOSS'S DAUGHTER! Bel: Ushi shi shi~! It was her fault.) and thrown into the sea. (Fran: Jealously is unsightly Levi-sempai. Levi: WHAT? I AM NOT JEALOUS! Fran: *mutters* Of course not, you want boss not her you lightening pervert… Me: Oh, ouch.)

The genie luckily manages to save Aladdin through the boy using up his second wish and he arrives back at the palace, informing everyone of Jafar's plot. (Bel: He actually wants to marry the boss, not the princess. Everyone: AUDIBLE GASP! Elizabeth: Oh, hey guys! WhatdidImiss? Bel: …) Jafar flees (Levi: B-boss! Xanxus: Get out of my sight trash. Levi: N-NOOOOOOOOO! *runs off crying*) but not before seeing Aladdin's lamp and realizing who he truly is. Whilst Aladdin wonders whether he should tell Jasmine the truth about who he is (Bel: The prince will never get to drink coffee again at this rate…) Iago (Lussuria: I'M BAAAAACK! Anybody miss me?) steals the genie's lamp (Elizabeth: LUSS_NEE WAS THAT THEIF ALL ALONG? WAIT, NO! NOT THE MAGIC TEA POT!) and brings it to Jafar who becomes the genie's new master.(Elizabeth: But why Luss-nee! WHY? Lussuria: So that I can wish to be your true mother alongside Squ-RAHRAHRAH! YOUR TRUE MOTHER! Elizabeth: Luss-nee…) Jafar instantly wishes to firstly (Levi: TO PROTECT BOSS FOREVER!) to become Sultan (Xanxus: What the fuck? *gets out guns*) and secondly (Levi: FOR BOSS NOT TO KILL ME! BOOOOOSSSSSSS!) to become the most powerful sorcerer in the entire world. (Levi: That was…close to my wish? Me: Meh. I'm nice sometimes. Squalo: Notice the word SOMETIMES. Me: …You have made a powerful enemy Squ-GOOGOOGAAGAA. Squalo: USE MY FUCKING NAME ALREADY!)

With his new powers, Jafar forces Jasmine and her father to bow (Levi: BOW! Elizabeth: HELL NO. Xanxus: Fuck no! Levi: That plan…backfired…), shows everyone that Aladdin was never actually a prince and exiles both him and Abu to a frozen wasteland. (Fon: I don't quite know what I have done to deserve this treatment… Squalo: No one does…no one at all fucking does…) Aladdin uses the magic carpet (Strau Moska: Target in Agrabah. Head over there immediately. Elizabeth: HURRY DAVID BOWIE! HURRY TO SAVE US! Bel: it doesn't look like you need saving *points at beaten up Levi* Elizabeth: IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS!) the fly back to the palace where Jafar has imprisoned both the Sultan and Jasmine as his personal slaves. (Bel: More like the other way round…) In order to distract him whilst Aladdin steals back the lamp (Elizabeth: So you ARE the thief! Bel: NO!), Jasmine uses as seductive act (Elizabeth: *winks*) on Jafar (Elizabeth: …Okay, hell no.) but it fails and she is imprisoned within a giant hourglass (Me: Filled with tea. Elizabeth: NOBODY EVEN ATTEMPT TO SAVE ME!) The sorcerer himself turns into a giant cobra (Levi: …) and traps Aladdin in his coils. (Levi: … Bel: …)

"I am the most powerful being on earth!" Jafar then proclaimed through his cackling, Aladdin clenching his fists.

"You aren't the most powerful, the genie of the lamp is!"

Jafar-realizing this to be true-then uses his final wish to become a genie (Elizabeth: Heh, sucker…) however soon discovers that genies are not allowed to roam free and he is sucked into a black lamp (Elizabeth: A NEW MAGIC TEAPOT!) along with Iago. (Elizabeth: LUSS-NEE, NOOOOOO! Lussuria: I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU!) The genie then threw the lamp into the Cave of Wonders (Uri: NYAAAAAH~! Elizabeth: They said it was really, really delicious. Gokudera: All this time Uri…all this time I never knew your true nature…), Jasmine freed from the hourglass. (Elizabeth: NO! WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO ME WHEN I SPECIFIALLY ASKED NOT TO BE SAVED? WHHHHYYYYYY?)

Realizing that he cannot pretending that he is someone other than himself, Aladdin keeps his promise to the genie and, instead of wishing to become a prince again (Fran: Ah, so you are finally back to Fake prince-sempai. Bel: Shut. Up.), he wishes that the genie (Bel: dies a horrible and painful death.) is freed from the lamp. (Bel: …) As the genie prepares to leave, the Sultan changes the law so that (Xanxus: everyone has to give me booze and tea every fucking hour.) Jasmine can marry whomever she deems worthy (Elizabeth: I can marry tea then?! Xanxus: …No. Elizabeth: Awwww…) having seen her love for Aladdin. (Elizabeth: Whoa. Since when did I love captain? Fran: since when you kissed. Elizabeth: We KISSED? Me: *hides baseball bat* Yamamoto: Discoabc~! Me: Oh crap.) The genie then leaves to explore the world whilst Jasmine and Aladdin celebrate their engagement. (Elizabeth: So, did we figure out where Agrabah is? Everyone *shakes head* Elizabeth: DAMN IT!) The end.

**Discoabc: I FAILED HORRIBLY ON THIS CHAPTER! TTATT This is what I get for writing too many damn serious things! D: I NEED TO GET MAH MOJO BACK!**

**Squalo: …What the fuck have you done to my fucking family tree?**

**Discoabc: MANY GOOD THINGS SQU-BOWCHIKAWOWWOW! :D**

**Squalo: MY NAME IS SQUALO!**

**Lussuria: Discoabc-chan! WAS THAT INCEST I SAW EARLIER WITH MY DARLING CHILDREN KISSING?**

**Discoabc: If they don't remember then no…**

**Squalo: What the fuck have you done? Actually, I don't want to know.**

**Discoabc: EVERYONE REVIEW AND ROGER THE ROCK!**

**Everyone: …What?**

**Elizabeth: ROGER THE ROCK! *salutes***

**Discoabc: Isn't Geography influenced by Afro Samurai beautiful?**

**Squalo: THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!**

**Discoabc: :D**


	20. If I say we are getting married THEN WE

**Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated, there were a load of crazy things going on with a gas leak at school, me getting ill (I COULDN'T EAT! AND I STILL CAN'T PROPERLY! God, I'm ddddyyyiiiiiiinnnggg) and stuff. Also, have you seen? I've named the chapters *so proud of myself…somehow…*! And I'm getting A* in stuff! And I'm suuuuupppper hyped! Also this chapter is a ANNIVERSARY ONE even though the one year mark was more than a week ago…AH WELL! THIS IS DVFTI! TIME IS NOT A CONCERN TO US! :D Shout outs~!**

**ChildOfMisfortune13: I AGREE COMPLETELY WITH YOU ON THE L'OREAL ARGUMENT! :D Squalo would kick Orochimaru's ASS where hair is involved! And I don't like snakes so…:P Le gasp! You are a magical girl now? MAKE SURE NOT TO FALL INTO DESPAIR! MAKE SURE NOT TO! D: (reads next part of your review) oh. You became a plastic narwhale coughVERYFEMININESHARKcough instead? I…err…I KNEW THAT! I SO DID! Anyhoo, I hope you enjoy this chapter too! Anniversary edition! WHOOP!**

**LeoInyuka: So true. So very true. No, I'm flattered you read MY story! (I need to review your story still damn it. But Youtube. It keeps stealing me away…D:) Fran is just…AN AWESOME DRINK FROG NINJA. :D How do I come up with this shit? Well, I'm pretty sure large quantities of tea have something to do with it…and I know what you mean about your mobile. I once wrote out some LONG review and it deleted it all. WHY? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF DESTROYING IT? WHY? I remember playing Club Penguin a LONG time ago and discovered the secret. Its power is immense…keep it close to your heart my friend. CLOSE TO YOUR HEART. Can I steal your thing about putting a quote from my reviewers at the top of each chapter? It's such an awesome idea…so, pretty please with a cherry on top? *big pleading eyes* Thanks for the review LeoInyuka-san :D**

**Skyla15699: WHY THANK YOU! :D Now I shall give you some super glue in advance. Use it well *salutes***

**Viper'sGirl: Indeed my friend. Indeed it does. :)**

**Mistress of Madness: Oh noes! Did you escape the horrible monster's clutches? TELL ME YOU DID! D: I graciously accept your gift of Fanta my Queen. Especially since it is tea flavored! TEA MAKES THE WORLD GO ROOOOOOUUUNNNND! One day Squ-BOOBOOBIDOO will accept his womanliness. One day…Yes Squ-WAKAWAKAWAKA, you are a disgrace! I may not know how to cook either but YOU! I expected better…Squ-LAHLAHLAH- Not the regular bi :D Aww, come back from the emo corner! COME BACK! BUT NOT AS MOMO! ANYONE BUT HIM! (okay, that was mean…I love you really Momo-chan-sempai! I REALLY DO!) *turns to Elizabeth and Bel* Put your lips together like this and kiss! (Elizabeth: WHATEVER YOU SAY DISCOABC! Bel: …No.) I still haven't been able to find Agrabah…): I wanna train under Hibari-sama too…**

**Cloudiedays27: I SHALL! I SHALL ROGER IT INDEED! *saultes***

**FreeWeirdGal: It's more like a self fulfilling prophecy than a paradox…a self fulfill TEA prophecy at that! ;) Le gasp! Byakuran was referenced? AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW? (really, I don't remember what I've written half of the time. I might have referenced him. I might have not. I really don't remember D:) Insanity makes EVERYTHING better! :D**

**KaminikaSuffire: I spelt your penname without even looking at it! Che, I'm awesome… *****shot* ****ANYHOO, I'm glad you enjoyed it! :D**

**FreezinWinter: Thank you. You are awesome too :D**

**Kris: I KNOW! I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE! But my parents forbade me from ripping apart the time space continuum again D: And I guess I can forgive you for not doing Xanxus with tea yet if you are busy with Hetalia and Assassin's Creed…PRUSSIAISAWESOME.**

**George: I WON THE CRACK AWARD OF 2013? HELL YEEEAAAAH! I used to play Club Penguin (that's how I discovered the secret that you must forever keep close to your heart) but then my Puffles started hating me so I stopped. I was a member for a while too… aah, nostalgia! :D And yes. This is why Bel thought Elizabeth was a teddy bear. And yes. Their family tree IS messed up. Don't worry, the romance WAS there…somewhere…I KNEW THERE WAS A USE FOR KYOKO'S MAGICAL PINK SPARKLES! I KNEW IT!**

**LoStInIlLuSiOn: TEDDY BEARS ARE AWESOME! :D I miss writing this fanfic sometimes. I will be in the middle of school and go 'I could be writing a new chapter instead of doing the long jump…' LOL.**

**MeWubFranxx: …Yes. Yes my friend. :D**

**Namimori-Skylark-18: I know how you feel about the Zombie Monkeys. They are after me too…*hides under desk* Awww, thank you! I shall teach you the ways of writing stuff how I write it! First, drink a ton of tea. Second, find a computer. Third, write random craaaaaaap. TA DAA! XD Oh don't worry, we shall meet Eliza-chan's friends soon, very soon…Trolling Squ-voi-I-totally-agree-with-what-you-said-about-H ER-hair is possibly the most fun and dangerous thing you can do. Therefore, I shall put it on my CV ('I TROLLED SQU-CHOOCHOO AND LIVED!'). EVERYONE SHALL OFFER ME A JOB THEN! :D NO! NOT THE EAGLE EYES! ANYTHING BUT THAT! You thought my penname was a disease? LMFAO! Everyone recently is telling me random things about my penname. It's as funny as hell XD. When I saw my avatar picture for the first time I KNEW I had to have it. IT'S JUST TOO PERFECT!**

**Soul Vrazy: I know! I'm completely sane! Why won't anyone realize this…XD**

**AssassinnamedWolf: IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE! Why else would they always be trying to kill Gokudera? The truth is, Uri wants to eat them! :D**

**KayleeXD: I know but tea is a huge percentage so Youtube got pushed down to 37%. Poor Youtube D: And yes, Eliza-chan IS awesome…I know, I know. I really want those shoes…O^O Yes Squ-BOOOOOOM. You should be ashamed. ASHAMED I TELL YOU! No, Teddy bears aren't the legit answer to life. It is tea AND teddy bears. :D I love OCs. They are awesome. The day I stop loving them will be the day Elizabeth shuns the tea god AKA NEVER. And now I shall go off to write 'The Randomness Returns: An epic escapade'. I'm not sure what it will be about but WISH ME LUCK! 'I mean sure, water is important but Levi dying is MORE important…' you my friend made me crack up at that XD Yeah Mammon! Leaving Eliza-chan hanging is…is…A CRIME PUNISHABLE BY DEATH! D: She should become a therapist or something. She can help people find themselves and the answers to all their questions easily! (Elizabeth: EVERYTHING IS LEVI'S FAULT! THERE! MY WORK HERE IS DONE! NEXT PERSON!) CLUB PENGUIN IS THE MOST AWESOME SHIT EVER. And my secret of it *sniff* keep it close to your heart! CLOSE TO YOUR HEART! Don't worry, inhumane is a word…and that a decaf is…ROOOOGGGERRRR TTTHHHHEEE ROOOCKKK! :D**

**iamyourfriend: Awww, thank you! I hope you continue to enjoy reading this! :)**

**Tenshi-Oujosama: I want to have a tea party (not kill. I mean the two are completely different! Or are they…?) with all my readers even if it isn't really possible…it would be awesome as hell…and would involve a lot of tea…:D Uh, I bet you the fact I have Sunday tea every week (oh my god, I'm so British sometimes even though I'm American…=_=) is affecting what I write. And since I write a load on the weekends, it is only logical that somebody is putting crack in those sandwiches! ONLY LOGICAL! Y-yeah, it is too bad the two of us aren't machine…*eyes shift from side to side***

**moongothcat: You will find that the answer to that is tea. Lots and lots of tea :D**

**FlyDemon: Aww, thank you! I'm glad you like Elizabeth and the situations I put everyone in! :D I know, I'm really mean to Levi but it's so easy to be mean to him…*words of an evil sadist* Hope you enjoy this chapter! (even though I think it's a fail D: WHY SO DIFFICULT TO WRITE YOUNGER ELIZABETH? WHY?)**

**Ohmai, I've already gone over 1000 words. For shout outs. O.o **

**But we got to 200 reviews! HELL YEAH!**

Chapter 20: If I say we are getting married THEN WE ARE GETTING DAMN MARRIED!

"Oi," Squalo twitched as he looked down at Elizabeth, the teenager looking round at him through glasses he was certain her future self didn't need.

"Do you need something?" she asked in a clipped tone, eyes narrowed. "I am very busy right now. All of you have thrown me way off my schedule with you being the most at fault for getting yourself into hospital and now I am working overtime to catch up on my studying."

He glowered at her. "VOOOIII! It wasn't my fucking fault that I ate the fucking shark meat!"

"Actually, it is," Fran pointed out in his monotone voice. "You even said it was delicious. Cannibal," he muttered, the longhaired man turning to glare at him too.

"VOOOIII! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"

"SHARK MEAT!" Lussuria shouted disapprovingly from across the table. "Even if you are their real mother, I won't accept it if you treat your children in such an abusive manner! APOLOGIZE RIGHT NOW!"

"I'M NOT THEIR FUCKING MOTHER!"

"I agree," Fran called out before taking a sip of his Ponta. Have we skipped over into another anime now? Indeed with have. But don't worry about how Fran managed to skip into that other world. He's a frog drink ninja. THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING. "Even the idea of having their genes passed on to me disgusts me to the very core."

"VOOOOOIIIIIII! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU BRAT!" Squalo roared as Bel laughed.

"Ushi shi shi~! It seems the frog has said something worthwhile!"

"Ah," Fran blinked. "I'm being praised."

"NO YOU FUCKING AREN'T!"

Lussuria slammed his fork onto the table. "SHARK MEAT!" he shrieked in his shrill voice. "STOP ABUSING YOUR CHILDREN OR I'LL GET MAD!"

Squalo let out a cry of frustration. "FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, THEY AREN'T MY FUCKING CHILDREN!"

"Disowning us now longhaired commande- ah, I mean mother. That's really cheap…" Fran looked off into the distance sideways. Squalo had the strange feeling that the illusionist had gotten even more snarky since the normal-well, if you would even use that word in accordance to her-Elizabeth had left. Had she somehow been suppressing this side to him in some way, the (wo) man wondered. He then almost killed himself for thinking something so stupid. LIKE HELL IF THAT WOMAN COULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!

"Shark meat!" Lussuria shrieked again. "Sit down and eat your breakfast already! I spent all night making it! I even consulted that Bianchi woman!"

"VOOOIII! EVEN IF I COULD EAT IT I WOULDN'T!" Squalo howled, jabbing his finger angrily at the table which had a huge amount of paper strewn across it, complicated Maths equations being written out at top speed by Elizabeth who was murmuring calculations under her breath as she did so. "IT'S COVERED WITH FUCKING PAPER!"

Elizabeth turned round to glare at him again. "Did you not hear me before? I'm working overtime to catch up with my schedule. Don't interrupt me for needless things."

"IT'S MY FUCKING BREAKFAST!"

She looked at him coolly through her red-rimmed glasses. "Exactly."

"Burn," Fran remarked in a bored tone, Bel laughing in the background and Lussuria saying how true her words were.

"You…you…" Squalo was burning with rage. "I'LL FUCKING KILL YO-"

Before he could finish his sentence the doors to the room were slammed open and in flew Levi, sliding across the table and destroying not only all the food in his path (Lussuria: Che, Shark meat's poisonous food got destroyed… Squalo: YOU JUST FUCKING ADMITTED TO TRYING TO KILL ME!) but Elizabeth's work before slamming into the window at the other end.

Unfortunately for Levi but fortunately for everyone else, the servants had long since realized that the window in the room was getting destroyed so constantly that they had persuaded the Mammon wannabe lieutenants to put in some reinforced glass in place of the fragile one-although no one quite knew why the easily breakable glass had been put inside the Varia HQ in the first place. After all, it was the Varia! VARIA! And it does not stand for Very Acceptable Royal-like Intelligent Associates like DVFTI does not stand for Demon Vigors For The Intelligent. IT DOESN'T I TELL YOU. IT JUST DOESN'T.

Ahem.

Anyway, they had managed to install this reinforced glass just earlier that day so when Levi DID crash into the window, he did not go through it. Instead it made a satisfying thudding noise before he slipped down onto the ground, his face an unnatural color and eyes lifeless. Silence enveloped the room and it's occupants as Elizabeth calmly removed her glasses. "Belphegor," she then spoke in an unnaturally serene manner, the blonde edging slightly away from her. Since they sat next to each other. Even though she displayed her murderous intent towards him on numerous occasions. It was habit damn it! Him and her future self sat next to each other after all! And he had to have some control over things in his life! SOME CONTROL AT LEAST!

"Ushi shi shi~ W-what is it peasant?"

"Give me a knife."

Although Bel was certain she had said that, somehow in his mind it sounded like 'GIVE ME THE FUCKING KNIFE YOU FUCKING BASTARD BEFORE I RIP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF AND USE IT AS SEASONING ON MY FOOD'. Somehow.

As a result, he handed a single knife over without a word. Elizabeth took it in her fingers and, drawing her arm back, she then threw the knife so that it sailed expertly through the air, landing in Levi's back. She then got up, walked over to Levi and grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. "YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" shaking him violently, her voice got angrier and angrier the more she yelled at him. "THAT WORK TOOK ME TWO FUCKING HOURS TO COMPLETE! TWO FUCKING HOURS! AND YOU DESTROYED IT IN TWO FUCKING SECONDS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH YOU HAVE PUT MY SCHEDULE BACK BY NOW? DO YOU? DO YOU? NO YOU DON'T! YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT, I SHOULD KILL YOU! NO, I WILL KILL YOU! DIE ALREADY! JUST DIE!"

Everyone watched as she proceeded to throw Levi around the room, the crashes sounding louder and louder each time, the girl then getting out a gun and proceeding to shoot him with it. Every time the bullets ran out, she threw the gun behind her and got out another one from who knows where-OVVVEEERRR THHHHEEE RRRAAAAIIINNNBBBOOOW! "…Shouldn't we stop her?" Squalo eventually asked, not really wanting to do anything.

"NO!" Lussuria refused instantly. "It's Levi's fault for ruining his sister's work! She's taking her A levels soon you know! Shark meat, you really are a horrible person for suggesting such a thing! But don't worry, I'll forgive you~!"

Squalo eyed them suspiciously as Fran waved a 'Go Cute-sempai' flag, Bel laughing in amusement at the pain Levi was being put through. "You'll…forgive me?" he asked in somewhat disbelief, remembering recent times where Lussuria had definitely NOT been forgiving towards him…

_It was then, before Squalo could get in, Lussuria pressed the button to close the door, the other man blinking._

"_VOOOOIII! What the fuck are you doing?" he yelled._

"_Exercise is good for you Squ-chan~!" Lussuria told him wisely. "See you at the top!"_

"_VOOOOO-" he was cut off by the elevator doors closing._

"_Lussuria-sempai…" Fran began._

"_Call me Luss-nee."_

"…_Aren't there 2000 steps to the top of the building?"_

"_Squ-chan needs the exercise."_

…

"_Nice shot Eliza-chan!" Lussuria cheered before smiling darkly at Squalo. "Now, Squ-chan. I believe we have unfinished business to attend to…"_

"_VOOOOIII! GET THAT FUCKING KNIFE AWAY FROM ME!"_

"_Never~!"_

…

"_VOOOI! I suggested that earlier dammit!" Squalo yelled._

"_Shark meat~!"_

"_SHUT THE FUCK UP LUSSURIA!"_

"_Don't you dare tell me to shut up! SHARK MEAT!"_

_Everyone watched as Lussuria chased Squalo around, the latter yelling loudly. "Should we stop them?" Fran wondered._

"_VOOOOOII! STOP THEM DAMMIT!_

"…_It's one of those things that they can only figure out on their own," Elizabeth said wisely._

"_I SAID STOP THEM!"_

"_We should never get involved in such relationship problems…"_

"_VOOOII! LISTEN TO ME DAMMIT!"_

…

_Suddenly a door to the left of him was broken down and none other than Squalo burst out, fear showing in his eyes as he began to run alongside the blonde. Wait, fear?_

"_SHAAAARK MEEEAAAT!"_

_Oh, well that made sense. Now back to the chasing._

…

"_It was only an allergic reaction!" the (brave) man continued with a chuckle. "They still have some years left in them."_

"_Not if I can help it."_

"_Eh?"_

"_DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" Lussuria began to throttle Squalo making his mouth froth, his arms flailing around limply. "I WON'T LET YOU LIVE AFTER THAT BETRAYAL OF MY TRUST, I WON'T!"_

Squalo shuddered a little. He had hurt too many sharks. Too many sharks…Lussuria smiled. "No Shark meat, I really have forgiven you!" he insisted making the longhaired man relax a little. "I even got some food for you!"

Squalo smirked before seeing the tell tale purple smoke and freezing. "P-poison cooking?"

Lussuria's glasses glinted. "Only the best for Shark meat~!"

"S-STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

Xanxus decided at this very moment to walk into the room, swirling port in one hand and brandishing a gun in the other. "Oi. Where the fuck is that bastard?" he asked in his rough voice, Bel turning to him with a grin.

"Ushi shi shi~! The prince assumes you are talking about Levi but you needn't dirty your hands boss," he giggled again. "The peasant is doing a fine job all by herself…"

"I'M GOING TO FUCKING BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF!" BOOM! "HA! NO FUCKING WATER FOUNTAINS TO SAVE YOU NOW YOU BASTARD!"

Xanxus smirked approvingly as he sat down, Elizabeth walking back over to the table with bazooka in hand. Fran let out a small sigh. "Ahh, Cute-sempai is acting more like her future self now…"

"I'm not acting like my future self," she hissed. "That would imply that I would be acting like an insane idiot. And I'm not acting like an insane idiot! I'M NOT!"

"Right…"

"SHARK MEAT GET THE HELL OVER HERE!" Lussuria suddenly screeched as Squalo leapt over the table and skidded along it, the flamboyant man following after him with a huge platter of poison cooking balanced in one hand. One could say it was almost ninja like but only Fran can take the title of being a ninja (a frog drink one at that) so we can't. Sad face.

Squalo landed on the other side of the table only to find Elizabeth standing in the way, bazooka still in hand. "VOOOII! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!" he shouted impatiently, moving to barge past her only to have her hand land on his shoulder, gripping it like an iron clamp so he couldn't escape. She then turned him around to face the approaching Lussuria making him gape in horror. "VOOOOOIII! YOU BITC-"

"Lussuria, stop," she then said with an unnaturally happy smile on his face.

"CALL ME LUSS-NEE!" the man shouted in response but stopped anyhow, a small frown appearing on his face. "Why are you stopping me Eliza-chan?! Finally you can be rid of this abusive mother of yours and I can love you freely! WHY ARE YOU STOPPING ME NOW AT THIS FINAL HURDLE?"

"I thought this anime was an action, not a drama…" Fran muttered under his breath.

"I've stopped you so you don't do something you may one day regret," Elizabeth informed him, still with that strange smile.

Bel's brows furrowed. "This isn't the servant, correct?" he questioned out loud, confused by her sudden personality change. But not the swearing she had displayed earlier. After all, she had moped about it when they were in that hospital. Chapter 18. Bel remembered it well. That being, he remembered everything apart from before he had drunk that decaf.

Strange.

He got the feeling something like that had happened to him previously…

Before he could dwell on it too long, Fran shrugged and Xanxus gave him a 'like I give a shit' look in answer to his question.

Huh. Seems legit.

"One day Lussuria-"

"CALL ME LUSS-NEE!"

"…Luss-nee, you might regret this decision of yours like this man-"

"WOMAN!"

"VOOOIII! I'm no a- actually, never mind," Squalo mumbled after remembering that Lussuria was inches away from sending him to heaven.

And that wasn't a good thing.

"…Woman who wishes for the two of you to just start over again."

"SHE DOES?" Lussuria gaped.

"I'm not a- wait, I do?" Squalo looked stunned.

"They do?" the rest thought apart from Xanxus who was too busy eating the steak a servant had prepared for him. Well, really Lussuria had but they had served it, which meant they were practically taking responsibility for it. Sneaky servant…

"Yes," Elizabeth gave one more smile before walking away and sitting back down next to Bel, seeming royally pleased with herself. Lussuria looked at Squalo, romantic music beginning to play in the background and roses appearing. Everyone then looked at Fran who had a portable radio.

"Ah. Sorry. Wrong station," he apologized in a bored fashion before pressing another button.

_We are never ever ever getting back together~_

_We are never ever ever getting back together~_

"Ah. Sorry. Wrong again."

_I see you drivin' round town with the girl I love~_

_And I'm like~_

_Fuck you~_

"Ah. Sorry. Wrong again."

_We're walking in the air~_

"Ah. This is the right one."

"THAT MAKES THE SITUATION AWKWARD FOR THE WRONG REASONS!"

Lussuria then threw the poison cooking away and grabbed Squalo's hand. "Shark meat, no, Squ-chan! You are serious about this aren't you?!"

"I don't know what the fuck you are talking about. And take your fucking hand off mine."

He was ignored. "I knew it! I knew you loved me really even if you did have numerous one night stands with boss!"

"It's not a one night stand if you have it numerous times you fucking idiot! AND WE DIDN'T!"

Squalo's eyes narrowed. He didn't like where the conversation was going…

"LET'S GET MARRIED AGAIN SQU-CHAN!"

"NO!" he refused instantly.

He was ignored. Again. "LET'S GO STRAIGHT AWAY!"

"VOOOII! G-GET THE HELL OFF ME!"

"FOREVER TOGETHER ONCE MOOOORRREEE~!"

"But Lussuria-sempai, that doesn't make any sense to say you are forever together one more. Because that implies you were together forever beforehand meaning at one point you weren't together forever making the statement meaningless."

"Fran-chan?"

"Yes Lussuria-sempai?"

"CALL ME LUSS-NEE."

"…Yes Lussuria-sempai."

_Later_

Bel readjusted his tie, grumbling in annoyance. Why was he being made to attend this wedding that one of the participants don't even agree with (Squalo: VOOOOIIII! I'M NOT FUCKING GETTING MARRIED TO THIS IDIOT! Lussuria: Aww, I love you too! *ignored*) when he could be torturing the new recruits? What's more, he fumed, he was being made to welcome guests that Lussuria had invited who he KNEW were outrageously gay and would make it their mission to get at least one kiss from him. Thanks but NO THANKS.

Making his way to the entrance, he found a group of men wearing EXTREMELY revealing outfits all arranged in a circle a cooing at something unseen. At first Bel considered sneaking away but then one man caught him and dragged him into the middle of the circle, squealing about how handsome he was. Or something along those lines. 'Tch'ing' he turned to give the men the evils only to stop and stare at a familiar looking girl sitting in a pew and writing furiously on the paper of the bouquet. "Isn't she _adorable_?" one man cooed, the rest nodding furiously in agreement. "I just want to hug her forever and ever!"

Now Bel gave them all the evils and they squealed before running away in a VERY feminine manner, waggling their bodies in very strange manners.

He shuddered a little.

Turning to the girl, he eyed her for a few moments. Wearing a white silk looking dress with pink roses that matched their flowers in her bouquet woven into her hair, make up also applied to her face and white high heels adorning her feet, Elizabeth looked more like a doll than a human.

It seemed somewhat strange to him that the Elizabeth he knew best was like this ten years ago when she preferred to wear scruffy conversers, hair always in a right mess and make up sparsely used. Sitting in the pew, he leant towards the girl's ear. "What is the peasant doing?"

"Not wasting time," she answered without looking at him. He leant closer to see what she had written to earn himself a huff of annoyance. "Ever heard of personal space?"

Ignoring her, he pointed at one of the numbers she had written. "It's wrong," he announced, Elizabeth blinking and drawing the bouquet closer to her face. After a few moments of careful analysis, a small gasp of surprise escaped her lips.

"How did you-"

"Ushi shi shi~! The prince is a genius," he stated with a grin and turned to look at her only to see her smiling softly, her eyes half closed.

"Thank you for telling me! I would have gotten the entire thing wrong otherwise!"

The blonde blinked from behind his bangs. She suddenly looked very… "Familiar."

"Huh?"

"No…it's nothing…" he leant back into the pew as Elizabeth continued to scribble furiously onto the bouquet, mind wandering as memories danced around in his head.

_She smiled softly at him; the small light there was bouncing off the eyelashes of her half closed eyelashes and red ring adorning one of her right hand's fingers. "Thank you!"_

Before he could reminisce in this memory he didn't really remember (Bel: …What?) he was suddenly yanked backwards violently so that he could see a somewhat amusing sight. "Ushi shi shi~! Nice dress commander!" he laughed as Squalo fumed at him, a long white dress with pink roses stuck on here and there, bows sewn on beneath them. White long gloves had been placed upon his hands and a pretty veil over his face. His hair had managed to avoid any…configurations.

"VOOOOOOOIIIII!" he yelled, fists clenched. "DO SOMETHING YOU FUCKING BRAT!"

Bel grinned. "The prince rather wouldn't~!"

"YOU'D BETTER CHANGE YOUR FUCKING MIND THEN!" the bride then jabbed his finger at Elizabeth who glared at it.

"Pointing is rude," she retorted.

"VOOOOIIII! IT'S YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING FAULT THIS IS HAPPENING ANYWAY! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU SAY THAT STUFF TO LUSSURIA IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE?"

She pushed up her glasses that certainly hadn't been there a few moments beforehand. "It makes my schedule run more smoothly this way."

Silence.

"…**VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!**"

"Ushi shi shi~! The commander's snapped servant~!"

"…Servant?"

"You've earned your title back~!"

"It doesn't feel like much of an achievement though."

"Quiet servant."

Squalo interrupted their fairly casual conversation, his sword on the back of his hand. "YOU MEAN I AM GOING TO HAVE TO GET FUCKING MARRIED TO THAT GIRLY BASTARD FOR YOUR FUCKING _SCHEDULE_?"

"Precisely."

"VOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

Fran then appeared wearing both a suit and his frog hat, glitter dusting his outfit at random points. "Longhaired commander," he droned, Squalo snapping his head round in annoyance.

"WHAT?"

"You forgot this," he held up a bouquet of pink roses, bigger than Elizabeth's and far more fancy. Squalo took the roses and threw them onto the floor.

"LIKE I GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THAT!"

"Also, Lussuria-sempai wanted me to tell you that…" he lifted up his right hand, an image of Lussuria's head then floating in midair appearing with love heart surrounding it.

"I'm looking forwards to our ho-ney-mo-on~!" it sung before disappearing in a mass of love hearts that flew towards Squalo, the man smacking them out of the air before stamping on his bouquet for good measure. He then spun round and grabbed Bel by the scruff of the neck.

"Get me the fuck out of here!" he hissed.

Bel waved his hand dismissively. "The prince isn't going to get in between yours and that perverted freak's love~!"

"I SAID GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"

"No."

"VOOOOOOOOOIIIIIII!" looking around wildly for someone else to help him, he then saw Fran who had sat on Elizabeth's other side. "YOU PEOPLE! GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"

"So you carry the three now?" Fran questioned, pointing at the writing on Elizabeth's bouquet.

"Yeah," Elizabeth nodded.

"Ushi shi shi~! The servant an do some things right after all~!" Bel laughed earning himself a kick in the leg.

"DON'T FUCKING IGNORE ME!" Squalo howled.

"We aren't ignoring you longhaired commander," Fran told him. "We are taking your words into account and deciding not to act on them."

"THAT'S THE SAME AS IGNORING ME!

Elizabeth turned to glare at him. "Would you be quiet? I've almost finished the equation."

"I'M ABOUT TO GET FUCKING MARRIED TO _LUSSURIA!_"

She huffed slightly. "What, do you want a gold medal or something for it?"

"I WANT TO FUCKING ESCAPE!"

"Then why are you asking me for help?" looking him dead in the eyes, Squalo found himself blinking.

Actually, why WAS he asking her for help? She was only a study-obsessed girl who didn't know how to even use a sword properly. How COULD she help him in any way? Also, he was right next to the exit where he could just run out and be free! Free! FREE…in an embarrassing wedding dress.

No.

NO.

There were some things in life that Squalo would never do. And that happened to be one of them. Along with admitting that he actually was a woman.

"VOOOOOOOOIIIII! STOP READING OUT BULLSHIT!" Squalo roared at Fran who was reading out of another of his famous books.

"_ELIZA-CHAN~! BEL-CHAN~!"_

Squalo froze up, recognizing the voice. He then turned to the two who had been called. "Change his mind," he pleaded, Fran blinking.

"Ah. I'm not being even considered now."

"LIKE HELL YOU FUCKING ARE!"

Bel folded his arms behind his head. "No way."

"For once I agree with him," Elizabeth stood up with the blonde. "I won't gain anything from helping you."

Squalo swore under his breath before uttering words he knew he was going to regret later. "I'll do _anything_."

Bel hummed. "Anything?"

Elizabeth folded her arms, seeming to be slightly tempted by the idea. "Absolutely anything?"

"Yes," he gritted through his teeth.

"I'll help too if you are doing that," Fran droned, putting his hand up in the air. "I want you to throw yourself off a cliff and end your existence."

"I'M NOT FUCKING DOING THAT AND I WASN'T FUCKING ASKING FOR YOUR HELP!"

"Ah, I was rejected…"

The blonde laughed at the mist guardian who seemed indifferent anyway, now sipping on Lucozade. Good for when you are ill by the way. But Fran wasn't ill. He never will be ill. He is a ninja. Ninja's don't get ill. Especially the frog drink variety. "Ushi shi shi~ The prince wants you to do his paperwork for a month~!"

Squalo's mouth hung open. "VOOOOIIII! Fuck no! I'm not doing that!"

"Then the prince isn't helping…"

"FINE! FINE!" the man cursed under his breath as Bel grinned, pleased with himself. Elizabeth looked like she was thinking deeply about what she was going to ask of him and he winced. He really hoped her request wouldn't be as insane as her future self's one would be if she was in the same situation. But then again, her future self would refuse to help, not getting in the way of her beloved Luss-nee's happiness.

Actually, that was a lie as if there was enough tea; Elizabeth would probably even attempt to murder Vongola Decimo.

"I…" she finally begun only to be cut off.

"_ELIZA-CHAN! BEL-CHAN! HURRY UP ALREADY!"_

"Ushi shi shi~! We are being summoned~!" Bel suddenly picked up Elizabeth and threw her over his shoulder, something common for him to do with her future self. This girl however did not see it in such a light.

"Put me the FUCK down!"

"The prince doesn't want to~!"

"Well you'd better want to soon!"

The two bickered as they walked through the corridors until finally coming across a door with a huge pink sign on it with the words 'Keep out Squ-chan! It's bad luck for us both to meet before the ceremony~!' put on it along with a lipstick mark. Lussuria threw open the door before screaming. "NO INCEST!"

"Oi. I'm carrying her. We aren't related. How is it incest?" Bel asked, beginning to look rather pissed.

"DON'T SAY THAT TO YOUR SIIIIIISSSSSTTTTTTEEEERRRRRR!" smacking him lightly over the head, Bel sending him a look of death from beneath his bangs, Lussuria then plucked Elizabeth off his shoulder and hugged her. "WAAAAAHH! I'M SO HAPPY! AND IT'S ALL THANKS TO YOU ELIZA-CHAN!"

"Well, I do pride myself in that at least. Now please PUT ME DOWN!"

"I LOOOOOVVVVEEE YOOOUUUU EEELLLIIIZZAAAA-CHHHAAAANNNN!"

Twitch. "I said put me down, not confess your love for me!"

"YOU ARE LIKE THE DAUGHTER I NEVER HAD!"

"PUT ME DOWN!"

Bel then started in surprise, his eyes having found a figure in the corner of the room, dressed in a dress much like Elizabeth's. Was that… "Lussuria," he cleared his throat, the man spinning to look at him, Elizabeth fighting against his grip.

"YES BEL-CHAN?"

"Oh so you listen to him and not me?!"

The blonde pointed at the figure. "Is that…Levi?"

He was caked in make up, eyes lifeless and hair with pink bows in it, hairy legs peeking out of the ends of the white skirts. The normal person would at this point shriek and fright, screaming the words 'MY EYES! IT BUUUURRRRNNNNS'. Fortunately for them, they were all not normal at all so they simply stared. "OHOHOHO~ YOU APPROVE?" Lussuria laughed maniacally.

Elizabeth looked him in the eyes. "I can honestly say everyone in the audience will be surprised in one way or the other."

"Well, I couldn't have only ONE bridesmaid so I decided that Levi should be one too! I almost got Fran to agree too but he escaped…" Lussuria puffed his cheeks out in a disappointed manner.

"…The prince can't decide whether he should be happy about that or not."

Levi's eyes suddenly came into life and he began to drag his body along. "I-I…must…warn…b-boss…" but before he could get any real distance, his head flopped down against the floor, a pool of blood appearing. Elizabeth and Bel both stared at the body as Lussuria ran over to him and screamed Levi was ruining his beautiful dress.

"…In any other circumstance, I wouldn't be so nice to you but right now…" the brunette looked the captain in the eyes. Well, at least where she thought his eyes were. She wasn't sure okay? OKAY? "I believe you should run."

"Run?" they both turned to look at Lussuria whose smile looked darker than it had before. "You can't do that! After all, I've locked all the doors into this beautiful wedding venue of Squ-chan and I! Now, Bel-chan…" his sunglasses glinted. "Time to join my group of bridesmaids~!"

"G-get away from the prince!"

"OHOHOHOHO~!"

There was a few shouts of terror and crashes before silence, Elizabeth placing both her hands together as if in prayer. "Rest in peace."

_Later_

"Don't say a fucking word."

Fran, Squalo and Elizabeth all mutely nodded at Bel who was now dressed identically to Elizabeth apart from his hair that had been put in two bunches at the back, all of them stood in one of the hallways and Levi dying in one corner.

"Good," he hissed before Squalo fell to his knees, hands gripping the floor in horror.

"Is this how it will end…?" he muttered as hopelessness washed over him, Fran in the background finally making the comment that Bel looked as 'pretty as a princess' and having knives thrown at him. "Will I really marry that girly bastard…?"

A sudden vision of the future entered his mind:

"_Honey, I'm hooommmmeee~!" Lussuria burst through the door, wearing a mustache, fedora and suit, a suitcase in one of his hands. Squalo then appeared from the kitchen holding a frying pan and a huge smile._

"_Welcome home darling~!" he cooed, skipping towards the other man and kissing his cheek. "I missed you~!"_

_Lussuria took his hand seriously. "I missed you too darling. And I know you don't like my work but since it's for you, I'll endure anything."_

_Squalo put a hand to his heart. "Oh darling, you are so brave~!"_

_Elizabeth's normal self then appeared with Bel at her side. "Ah, Luss-nee, you're back!" she cheered._

"_Ushi shi shi~ your wife was getting worried you wouldn't ever appear!" he laughed, Squalo blushing._

"_Mou, stop it!" he shook his body in a somewhat disturbing way. "I wasn't worried! I knew he would come home safely!"_

_Lussuria looked at him. "You have so much faith in me?"_

"_He does," Fran-who looked like a three year old and was on a kid tricycle for some unexplained reason-said flatly. "At least, more than Levi who is dying in an alleyway somewhere in this strange apocalyptic future whilst boss rules the world…"_

"_Well, Eliza-chan, Bel-chan, you two should head to your own home!" Lussuria insisted. "I don't want to take up anymore of your newly married life!"_

"_Okay, bye!" Elizabeth waved as she and Bel skipped out of the room holding hands._

"_Bye biii~!"_

_Fran then cycled out of the room too leaving Squalo and Lussuria alone. Well, until there was a huge bang and two children with long silver hair and glasses like Lussuria's bounded down the stairs. "Yay! Mama Lussuria is back!" they all yelled, hugging the man who looked at his wife with blissful happiness._

"_I love you Squ-chan."_

_Squalo sighed happily. "I love you too Lussuria."_

"**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**!" Squalo stood up, a burning aura surrounding him. "I WON'T EVER LET THAT HAPPEN!"

Fran blinked. "Why _was_ I a three year old riding a tricycle in that vision of the future?" he wondered out loud.

"And why were we married?" Bel and Elizabeth both glared at each other.

"Because that is your unavoidable future."

"Huh? What did you say?" they both asked in unison.

"Nothing…"

Squalo clenched his fists; his hair now beginning to fly about much like Medusa's might have in that legend with an eerie red glow coming off them. "I'LL DESTROY THAT FUTURE!"

The mist illusionist deadpanned. "This fic is seeming to take a dark turn."

"VOOOOOIIIIIIIII!" Squalo raced off and disappeared, the other three all watching.

"…Where is that boss of yours?" Elizabeth then asked, breaking the silence.

"He's inspecting the liquor for the after party," Fran informed her in a monotone voice.

"Right…"

Squalo then ran back and got into the position he had before, gripping the floor in horror once more. "It's no good!"

Bel gripped the bouquet in his hands, a dark aura surrounding him. "You mean to say the prince needs to go out in public like this?!" he growled out before stomping on Squalo's back with his high heels. And, at that moment, Bel knew why Elizabeth's future self was always so happy to wear high heels.

"VOOOOIIII! THAT FUCKING HURT!"

"That was the point!"

Fran then out up his hand. "Bel-sempai, you realize that you are already in public? And being seen?"

Elizabeth shrugged. "I don't think you should be so concerned about being seen like that. You've been seen doing more embarrassing things after all."

He looked taken aback by this slightly. "The prince has?"

"Well, you did proclaim you were a teddy bear prince."

"…When?"

"Oh, right. Convenient memory loss," her eyes narrowed before she dived back into her calculations quite happily. Bel then turned on Squalo again, cracking his knuckles.

"Why the hell did you fail to cancel this wedding?!"

"The girly bastard wasn't there!" Squalo shouted, hanging his head and scrunching up his eyes pitifully. "It's no use…my life is over…"

"Don't give up longhaired commander. Fight on," Fran spoke through a megaphone in his monotone voice, pumping his fist into the air with bored eyes.

"Yes. Don't give up. The prince will give you some encouragement," Bel pressed a knife to his neck, Elizabeth looking up from her calculations and moving towards him.

"You have had that hidden on your person the entire time?" she asked, a fascinated expression appearing on her face.

"Ushi shi shi~ the prince keeps knives everywhere," he boasted, Fran giving him a skeptical look.

"_Everywhere_?"

"…"

Elizabeth leant towards him, her hand on her chin as if in deep thought. "To keep many things on my person would certainly be helpful…" she thought out loud before looking at him, her eyes now filled with determination. "Teach me how."

The blonde sweat dropped. "The servant wants to know _that_ of all things…?"

"Teach me," she repeated, taking another step towards him. Bel stepped away. She steeped forwards. He stepped away. And then the inevitable running happened, Fran watching and Squalo continuing to self pity himself. Then, as Elizabeth managed to jump on Bel and slam him into the floor, straddling him, the doors opened to reveal a familiar brown haired spiky man, a silver haired man on his left and a black haired one with a katana sword at his hip on his right.

"…Is this a bad time?" Tsuna wondered with a sheepish laugh, Fran blinking.

"Weren't all the doors to this building locked…?"

Gokudera then pointed dramatically at Bel. "The knife bastard! Huh? A girl? A-and another girl?" he stared at them for a few moments before turning a bright red, Yamamoto laughing.

"You two seem like such good friends!" he then turned and stared. "S-SQUALO?"

"It's over…my life is over…" the man muttered under his breath, dress pooling around him as he finally collapsed.

"S-SQUALO!" Yamamoto yelled again, rushing towards the man and turning him over. "Are you alright? Squalo! SQUALO!" shaking the man, eyes becoming even more and more desperate before he let out a final howl of despair. "SQUUUAAALLLOOO!"

Fran sighed in a bored fashion. "This really is a drama instead of an action anime…"

Tsuna laughed nervously again. "Could you people tell us what's going on? Lussuria suddenly sent us an invitation to a wedding and we weren't sure what was happening so we came just in case…" he trailed off, eyes fixated on Elizabeth. "Hm? Have we met before?"

She looked him dead in the eyes. "No. Now please don't bother me. I'm trying to do something very important."

The man sweat dropped as she continued to demand that Bel teach her the way of the hiding numerous things on your person. "Right…"

Gokudera, who had covered his eyes, pointed accusingly. "HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A THING TO THE TENTH!"

"…Gokudera?"

"Yes tenth?"

"…That's a vase you are pointing at."

"Ushi shi shi~ once an idiot always an idiot~!"

"SHUT UP KNIFE BASTARD!"

"…Gokudera?"

"Yes tenth?"

"…That's a mirror."

"So the Vongola Storm Guardian is this much of an idiot," Fran remarked in a bored tone.

"SHUT IT YOU FROG!"

"…Gokudera?"

"Yes tenth?"

Tsuna sighed; looking at the finger pointed his way. "Just take your hands off your eyes already."

"Yes tenth…"

"Tsuna!" Yamamoto suddenly shouted. "I think we should call an ambulance! Squalo isn't breathing! TSUNA!"

Elizabeth shrugged. "He'll be fine…probably."

"P-probably?!"

Fran shook his head. "Aah, this isn't good. Lussuria-sempai will in all likelihood go into a wild rage if he sees longhaired commander like this five minutes before the ceremony starts…"

"FIVE MINUTES?" Tsuna and Gokudera exclaimed, the first stumbling backwards in his surprise but landing on something soft. He then turned and deadpanned.

"…Is this-"

"Lussuria got him," Fran told him, poking the dead looking Levi's cheek, Tsuna having hurriedly gotten to his feet. "He'll probably do this to us too if he catches us…aah, I really wanted to see that TV program tomorrow too…"

"He'll do this to US?" Tsuna looked horrified by the prospect.

"He already caught Bel-sempai."

Tsuna and Gokudera both turned to look at Bel who was being interrogated by Elizabeth. "Y-YOU MEAN THAT REALLY IS THE KNIFE BASTARD?" the silver haired man gawked, his boss not seeming surprised though. Hyper intuition did have its perks in times like these…somehow. "T-TENTH, I SWEAR ON MY PRIDE AS YOUR RIGHT HAND MAN THAT I WON'T ALLOW THIS FATE TO BEFALL YOU!"

"D-don't overdo it…"

Gokudera glared sharply at Fran. "Oi. You. Frog. Help me out damn it or else."

"Ah, is this what they call abusive coworkers?" Fran wondered.

"JUST HELP ME DAMN IT!"

In the background, Yamamoto continued to cry out Squalo's name, shaking his unconscious body in vain.

_Five minutes later_

Lussuria who was waiting eagerly in front of the alter readjusted his pink tie that complimented his white suit PERFECTLY. He was the god of fashion after all~! Although he did feel slight disappointment that he was not the one wearing the wedding dress for their wedding but he had decided he was the manlier out of the two and therefore had to wear the suit. Otherwise they would both being wearing almost identical dresses which was a fashion DISASTER in his mind! The vicar marrying them-who looked disturbingly like the tenth Vongola sun guardian…-then raised his watch to his face. "IT'S EXTREMELY TIME FOR THEM TO MAKE THEIR EXTREME ENTRANCE!" he announced and nodded to the orchestra-who all looked disturbingly like the tenth cloud guardian…-who began to play the wedding march, the sound of the doors being flung open accompanying it. Lussuria turned, love hearts in his eyes to see his beloved linking arms with Yamamoto who had a (worried) smile on his face, Bel and Elizabeth carrying flowers, Levi tied up in the train and Fran carrying the train. It took them around thirty seconds to reach the front of the room where Yamamoto handed Squalo over to Lussuria who flicked the viel off his beloved's face to see…

An unnatural smile with his eyes closed in peaceful happiness.

Gokudera and Tsuna, who had sneaked in with a bag that looked suspiciously like a human had been stuffed inside, both face palmed, the first then making hand gestures to Fran. _THEY ARE SO GOING TO REALIZE IT'S AN ILLUSION!_

The illusionist shrugged as he moved over to his seat with Elizabeth and Bel, Levi being dragged across the floor and leaving a huge trail of blood behind them. As this happened, Lussuria opened his mouth, Gokudera and Tsuna moving to the edges of their seats as they began to speak…

**NEXT TIME FOR CHAPTER 22**

_Feelings are tested!_

"_I love Squ-chan but…" Lussuria sighed longingly as he stared at the handsome violin player he had seen earlier that creepily resembled the tenth Vongola cloud guardian. "What are these feelings I am discovering?!"_

_Confrontations are made!_

_Xanxus pointed accusingly at Tsuna, his eyes filled with anger as the other man froze. "YOU."_

_And feelings across same genders are discovered!_

"_Fake prince-sempai- ah, should I call you Fake princess-sempai instead?" Fran wondered, a knife being thrown into his hat instantly._

"_Fuck you!"_

**THIS DRAMA IN AN ACTION ANIME HAS NEVER BEEN SO MISSPLACED!**

**Extra 1 (SEE THAT NUMBER? SEE IT?): The Fran Prince**

Once upon a time (Elizabeth: You know…I have a question. Everyone: What? Elizabeth: Since they say UPON a time…does it mean we are on top of time right now? But only for one time only? Everyone: …No.) there lived a beautiful princess (Elizabeth: MUWHAHAHA! I'M AM PRINCESS! TAKE THAT BITCHES! Fran: Huh, I thought that Fake princess-sempai would be the princess… Bel: …I'll kill you.) who's beauty even astonished the sun whenever it shone down on her face. (Ryohei: SHE IS BEAUTIFUL TO THE EXTREME! Elizabeth: THE LOOK ALIKE OF THE TEA GOD HAS SPOKEN.) Near her father's castle (Xanxus: Why the fuck am I here trash? I was enjoying my fucking booze! Me: Sorry but we needed you…*offers drink*) there was a huge forest and in that forest there was a lime tree (Elizabeth: You mean a tea tree. Me: BUT OF COURSE! Fran: Cute-sempai, author-san, the world doesn't revolve around tea… Elizabeth & Me: IT DOESN'T? Elizabeth: BURN THE NON-BELIEVER! Lussuria: NO! FRAN'S ONLY SIX MONTHS OLD! HE DOESN'T KNOW ANY BETTER! Fran: Why is my age still decreasing? -_-) and under that lime tree (Elizabeth: Tea tree :D) there was (Fran: Wow. The suspense is killing me.) a well. (Fran: …Amazing. Elizabeth: IS IT A TEA WELL? IS IT? IT IS ISN'T IT? Bel: …Servant, sometimes things have no relation to tea. Me: It's a tea well :D Bel: Discoabc, you really aren't helping.)

When there was a warm day (Ryohei: TODAY IT SHALL BE EXTREMELY HOT!) the princess would go to the forest and sit by the cool fountain (Elizabeth: IS IT A TEA- Everyone: NO! Elizabeth: …I-it isn't? O^O Everyone: …Okay, it is. Elizabeth: YAAAAAAAAAY!) and amuse herself by throwing a golden ball(Yuni: Huh? You mean my pacifier? Elizabeth: No, it's a golden ball! No baby could use that pacifier properly! Except perhaps a snake baby… Yuni: …?) up into the air before catching it. (Elizabeth: The best game in the entire UNIVERSE! Squalo: …Is she being sarcastic? I can't even tell with her anymore…) It was her favorite plaything. (Yuni: Why am I being included as her favorite plaything, not just my pacifier? Elizabeth: BECAUSE YOU ARE. NOW I SHALL THROW YOU. Yuni: W-wait! Don't!)

One time when she was partaking in her favorite pastime (Elizabeth: BLASPHEMEY! DRAINKING TEA IS MY FAVORITE PASTIME!) it happened so that the princess's golden ball did not fall back into her hand that was waiting for it, oh no. (Fran: This is the cutting edge of suspense stories.) Instead it landed on the ground (Yuni: Oof!) and rolled straight into the water. (Yuni: *splash* H-help!) The princess picked up her skirts and rushed over to the well alas her golden ball had vanished for the well was deep, so deep that the bottom could not be seen! (Yuni: No it isn't! I haven't sunk! Help me! Elizabeth: No. Yuni: Why?! Elizabeth: You want help to get out of a TEA well! That in itself is a horrible crime! YOU SHOULD WISH TO STAY THERE FOREVER! Yuni: Please just help already…) Upon realizing this the king's daughter began to cry (Elizabeth: Y-you soul can never be saved *sniff* WAAAAAAAAAAH!), crying so much that she could not be comforted. (Me: …CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. FRAN. DO YOUR DUTY. Fran: …)

As she cried she suddenly heard a voice. "What ails you, princess? You weep so much even a stone would show pity. I don't though."

She spun (Elizabeth: RIGHT, WHO THE HELL SAID THAT AND WHOEVER IT WAS, PREPARE TO SUFFER!) to see a frog (Fran: …I'm not a frog Bel: Ushi shi shi~ the prince begs to differ. Fran: You mean the princess. Bel: Shut. Up.) stretching forth it's ugly head. (Lussuria: DISCOABC-CHAN! MY CHILD IS NOT UGLY! Me: But the story… Lussuria: CHANGE IT OR SUFFER A MOTHER'S WRATH! Me; H-HELP!) "Ah, old water-splasher, (Fran: Water-splasher. Elizabeth: I mean tea-splasher. Fran: Old. Elizabeth: ONE MONTH OLD! Fran: …I won't question why my age is so low anymore.) it is you," she sighed, wiping away another of her tears. "I am weeping for my golden ball, which has fallen into this well." (Elizabeth: It's soul shall never be saved now *sniff*)

"Be quiet and do not weep. It is annoying," the frog answered. (Elizabeth Tch, RUDE!) "I can help you, but what will you give me if I bring your play thing up again?" (Fran: Because I want longhaired commander to throw himself off a cliff and end his meaningless existence. Squalo: VOOOOIIIIIII!)

"Whatever you will dear frog," the princess said. "My clothes, my pearls, and jewels, and even the golden crown I am wearing!" (Elizabeth: Well, I can see what I can do about Squ-chan… Squalo: OI! Fran: Thank you Cute-sempai. Elizabeth: Your welcome~ Squalo: STOP DISCUSSING MY DEATH LIKE THIS!)

The frog shook his head. "I care not for your clothes, your pearls and jewels, nor for your golden crown however if you agree to marry me, I shall go down below and bring you your golden ball up again." (Elizabeth: Fran, I never knew you felt such a way about me… Fran: I don't. Bel: *muttering* He'd better not Fran: *hears*…Actually, I do. Elizabeth: Huh? Bel: _What_? Lussuria: NO INCEST!)

"Of course, I promise you everything," she hastily agreed (Fran: If you agree I will fetch you tea from the furthest corners of the world. Elizabeth: …Fran. Fran: Yes Cute-sempai. Elizabeth: My heart is forever yours.). "As long as you bring my ball back again." (Yuni: You could have saved me ages ago…) But the princess then thought to herself, "How silly the frog does talk. All he does is sit in the water with the other frogs and croak. He can be no companion to any human being!" (Bel: So…the servant doesn't like him. Elizabeth: No. Bel: Good… Elizabeth: SHE LOVES HIM! ^-^ Bel: …The prince is off to kill a certain frog right now. Elizabeth: Huh? Oh, okay! Good luck~!)

But when the frog had received her promise, put his head in the water and sank down (Bel: Un-cute kohai! *throws knives* Fran: Ah. *ducks into water*), in a short while coming up to her again with the ball in his mouth (Yuni: Let go of me!) and throwing it onto the grass (Yuni: Why does everyone throw me around…?) The princess was so delighted to see her plaything once more (Elizabeth: YOU ARE SAVED! YAY! Yuni: You didn't do anything to help me though…) that she picked it up and ran away with it. (Elizabeth: YAAAAAAAAY! Yuni: PLEASE PUT ME DOWN! PLEASE!) "Wait!" said the frog. "Take me with you. I can't run as fast as you can." (Fran: And Fake princess-sempai is right behind me looking murderous…) However the princess did not hear and raced home, soon forgetting about the poor frog who was forced to go back into his well again. (Fran: …Do I have to? Bel-sempai looks like he's going to kill me. Bel: Ushi shi shi~ not looks like, WILL.)

The next day when the princess found herself sat at a table with the king (Xanxus: Pass the fucking tea. Elizabeth: Yessir!) and all the courtiers (Levi: NO! I SHALL PASS THE TEA FOR THE BOSS! Squalo: Tch. Do what you li- *CRASH* OI! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU JUST THROW A PLATE AT ME? Elizabeth: Well, ending your miserable existence was the main part of the deal so it doesn't really matter whether you fall off a cliff or not does it? Squalo: OF COURSE IT FUCKING DOES!) something came creeping up the marble staircase and, when it had reached the top, knocked on the door. "Princess, open the door for me!" (Fran: Fake princess-sempai is right behind me and has managed to get guns now…)

She rushed to open the door but when she saw it was the frog (Elizabeth: Yo Fran! Fran: …Hi.) slammed it shut. (Fran: Ah. I forgot to get the tea. Elizabeth: Bye Fran! *slams door*) She then sat down to dinner again and was quite frightened. (Elizabeth: HOW WILL I GET MY TEA NOW? Squalo: THERE'S SOME ON THE FUCKING TABLE! Elizabeth: Oh yeah…) The king saw her fear easily and frowned. "Oi, what are you so afraid of? (Elizabeth: I'm worried I'll never be able to taste the beautiful tea I was promised! Xanxus: Tch, just go and fucking order one of the servants to get it. Elizabeth: Oh yeah… Squalo: YOU NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT DOING THAT?) Is there a giant outsider who wants to carry you away?" (Elizabeth: Unfortunately no. Squalo: Oi. Why is it unfortunate there isn't?)

"Ah, no," she replied miserably. "It is no ginat but a disgusting frog." (Fran: Words hurt Cute-sempai. Elizabeth: Don't they just~!)

"What does a frog want with you?"

"Ah, dear father, yesterday as it was hot (Ryohei: TO THE EXTREME!) I was sitting in the forest by the well when my golden ball fell into the water. (Yuni: It was your fault for throwing me you realize?) And because I cried so, the frog brought it out for me and because he so insisted, I promised I would marry him. But I never thought he would be able to come out of his water! (Elizabeth: I mean tea.) And now he is outside there and wants me to come to him!" (Elizabeth: BUT HE HASN'T GOT THE TEA HE PROMISED ME WITH! Xanxus: Then blow his fucking head off. Fran: …Boss, that isn't a very good suggestion.)

As they conversed, the frog knocked again. "Princess, open the door for me. You remember what you said to me yesterday by the well do you not? Princess, open the door for me." (Fran: Fake princess-sempai is getting closer and closer as we waste time…)

The king thus ordered her to do so as she had promised to do such a thing and could not go back on her word now she opened the door, the frog following in after her. (Fran: Cute-sempai, you are very slow. Elizabeth: I was debating tea! Of course you came as a second priority! Fran: …) And, as the princess ate, the frog having jumped up by her side, eating quite soppily for he was a frog and could not hold the cutlery properly. The princess was embarrassed by this when the courtiers pointed it out to the King and whilst the frog enjoyed what he ate, she forced every mouthful down her throat. (Elizabeth: THERE'S NO TEA IN THIS MEAL! OAO Fran: It tastes nice though. Elizabeth: NO! I HATE IT! *throws plate at Squalo* Squalo: VOOOOIIIII! Fran: That was close Cute-sempai. Elizabeth: I know… Squalo: DON'T SOUND FUCKING DEJECTED!) Then the two retired to bed, the princess quite upset at the thought that the slimy frog would ruin her silk sheets. But the king grew angry at her reluctance to do such a thing and said, "He who helped you when you were in trouble should not afterwards be despised by you!" (Xanxus: And he brought fucking booze. Elizabeth: BUT NO TEA.)

Taking him up to her room (Lussuria: NO INCEST!) she laid him on her pillow carefully and was about to sleep herself when the frog turned to her. "Kiss me." (Elizabeth: WHOA. FORWARD MUCH? Fran: *shrugs* Bel: Oi. Froggie. I'm really going to kill you.)

About to refuse, she remembered her father's words and gave in, leaning slowly towards the frog's lips. (Elizabeth: You'd better be buying me that tea Fran! Fran: Ah, rejected again Fake princess-sempai. Bel: *aims gun* prepare to die) But the moment their lips met (Lussuria: INNNNNCCCEEESSSSTTTTTT!) the frog suddenly transformed and the princess found herself kissing a handsome prince. (Bel: *smirks*. Fran: Ah. You stole my kiss. Elizabeth: DRAMA!) He was a kind man with beautiful eyes (Elizabeth: …What eyes?) and the princess found herself falling in love with the prince at first sight. (Elizabeth: Important question captain. Bel: Ushi shi shi~ Yes? Elizabeth: Do you have delicious tea? Bel: Ushi shi shi~ of course princess~ Elizabeth: I LOVE YOU! Fran: Ah, how quickly mortal love fades…) He told her how he had been bewitched by a wicked witch (Lussuria; OHOHOHO~!) and how no one but the princess he been able to deliver him from the well but now as his future wife they would tomorrow travel to his own kingdom. (Elizabeth: More tea there? Bel: Yes. Elizabeth: I LOVE YOU EVEN MORE!)

They then went to bed (Lussuria: NO. INCEST. Bel: SHUT IT.) and the next morning when the sun awoke them (Ryohei: IT'S AN EXTREMELY NICE MORNING SO WAKE UP TO THE EXTREME!) a beautiful carriage drew up in front of the palace. It was driven by eight white horses (Gokudera: MY HAIR IS SILVER NOT WHITE! Byakuran: Ah, this is quite a fun role~! Lavina: Um, as happy as I am to see Hayato again, why am I here? Squalo: VOOOIIII! I WAS A COURTIER A FEW SECONDS AGO! WHY AM I NOW A HORSE? AND WHY ARE THERE ONLY FOUR OF US? Me: Because I can't think of any other people with white hair… Gokudera & Squalo: IT'S SILVER! Laviana: Um… Byakauran: Ahahaha~!) with ostrich feathers placed atop their heads and harnessed with golden chains (Jager: The Vindice does not use golden chains. Elizabeth: CLOSE ENOUGH!), behind them stood faithful Henry, the young prince's servant. (TYY! Elizabeth: Oi. Why am I a man? And this guy's servant? *points at Bel* Elizabeth: Awwww, ain't my younger self adorable?! Bel: So the servant really was like that when they were younger…)

Faithful Henry had felt such overwhelming sadness when his master was changed into a frog (TYY! Elizabeth: No, I laughed. Although the relationship between my future self and him disturbs me somewhat…) that he had ordered for three iron bands to be cast around his heart (TYY! Elizabeth: That is important. Elizabeth: JUST GO WITH THE FLOW GURL~ TYY! Elizabeth: I really don't understand my older self at all…) lest it would burst with grief and sadness. (TYY! Elizabeth: I feel as though the author of this does not understood basic human anatomy…) The carriage was to be used for the princess and prince to travel to the latter's kingdom and Faithful Henry helped them both in (Bel: Ushi shi shi~ drive well servant~ Elizabeth: There is tea inside here right? TYY! Elizabeth: No. I hate tea. Elizabeth: …BURN THE NON-BELIEVER! Bel: No! You'll die if you kill her! Elizabeth: A noble death at least! TYY! Elizabeth: No it won't. It will be tragic and slightly amusing for me.) before beginning to drive the carriage. But, after they had driven part of the way, the prince heard cracking as if something had broken. "Henry, the carriage is breaking!" he told him hastily.

"No, master (TYY! Elizabeth: I am never saying that again. Elizabeth: Aww, I was tsundere! TYY! Elizabeth: Do you even understand what you are saying…? Bel: She doesn't usually…) it is not the carriage. It is a band from my heart (TYY! Elizabeth: Still impossible…) which was put there in my great pain (TYY! Elizabeth: Of laughter.) when you were a frog and imprisoned in the well." (Elizabeth: OF TEEEEEEAAAAAAAA~!)

As they travelled on, the cracking sounds continued and each time the prince thought the carriage was breaking only to discover it was only the bands set around the heart of Faithful Henry springing away because his master was set free and happy. (Elizabeth: I HAVEN'T GOT ANY TEA! Bel: Ushi shi shi~ the prince wants coffee as well. TYY! Elizabeth: WAIT FOR FIVE MINUTES! Elizabeth & Bel: No! TYY! Elizabeth: I never thought it was possible to hate two people so much, one of them being myself…)

The End~!

**Extra 2 (THANK GOD FOR ANNIVERSARIES PEOPLE! :D): Destroying TV From The Inside!**

Elizabeth flopped down on the sofa, arms crossed and tea balanced on her head. Why was it on her head? Who knows. It's Elizabeth, the greatest mystery that the world, no, universe has ever encountered. Some things about her will never be explained. Although it can be explained that the person sitting next to her was her captain, Bel. In fact, the entire room was filled with the Varia officers, even Xanxus having joined the group. "I'm bored~!" the brunette whined. "I'm watching TV!" picking up a remote, she flicked the on button, the TV sparking into life and everyone now having their eyes glued to the screen…

**The Idiot Apprentice **

Lord Xanxus Sugar sat before the two groups named the Varia and Vongola, all made up of aspiring young entrepreneurs of whom he quite frankly thought were all idiots. But he got free booze out of it so was he complaining? No. On his left sat his trusted advisor Byakuran…

"_Oi. Somehow the commentator's words just there didn't fit together…"_

"_Shush Squ-chan! WE ARE TRYING TO HEAR THE BUSINESS!"_

"_But there isn't any Cute-sempai."_

"_Ooh, harsh words. Harsh words, yet true…"_

And on his right his other trusted aide, Kyoko.

"_Oi. That didn't work either…"_

"_SHUSH!"_

Looking at the teams, Lord Xanxus Sugar's eyes narrowed. "Today," he began in his gruff voice. "I want both you teams to create a completely new product and sell it for as much money as you can. It could be furniture, a toy, anything. The team that makes the most profit at the end of the day wins. Got it?"

"Yes Lord Xanxus Sugar," the teams all nodded in confirmation.

"Now, I want to mix the groups up after last week's FAILURE," he looked pointedly at Levi who gulped.

"_Oh, he gonna get fired."_

"_No, I think his feelings of loyalty will get him through! JUST LIKE MY FEELINGS OF LOYALTY TOWARDS YOU TOO BOOOSSSSS!"_

"_SHUT IT TRASH!" BOOM!_

"First, Elizabeth and Bel, switch over to the Vongola," Lord Xanxus Sugar ordered, the two nodding and making their way over to the Vongola team, Gokudera face planting the table and Tsuna laughing nervously. "Next, Mukuro and Hibari, go over to the Varia."

Chrome made a slightly dejected face as Mukuro and Hibari stood up and moved towards the Varia, both glaring at each other as they walked. The teams now stood as this: The Vongola- Tsuna, Gokudera, Yamamoto, Chrome, Elizabeth, Bel, Ryohei and Lambo. The Varia- Squalo, Lussuria, Fran, Mammon, Hibari, Mukuro, Levi and Gola Moska.

"_Hey, look! It's Squ-chan's brother, Stevie Wonders, Gola Moska-chan!"_

"_He's really hit off in the business world y'know Luss-nee!_

"_What the hell are you two on about?"_

"Now," Lord Xanxus Sugar continued. "Kyoko, I want you to follow the Varia, Byakuran I want you to follow the Vongola."

"Yes Lord Xanxus Sugar."

"Right. Both you teams, go off and try and at least make SOME profit!"

Both teams exited the boardroom, and before long were all sat in separate rooms. First, the Varia was show. "Kufufu~ I think I am perfect for project manager in this task," Mukuro announced, his legs crossed and a smirk on his face. Any objections?"

"I would rather bite myself to death than have you as my project manager," Hibari hissed.

"_Oh my! That is a proclamation!"_

"_An abusive relationship…"_

"_You mean abusive working relationship, right?"_

"_No I don't…or do I?"_

"_MAKE UP YOUR MIND DAMN IT!"_

Kyoko smiled, not seeming to think that anything wrong had been said.

"_Ushi shi shi~ the prince can't decide whether that advisor is oblivious or pure evil~!"_

"VOOOOOIIII!" Squalo suddenly slammed his fists down on the table. "I want to be project manager and I won't accept anyone else as it!"

Lussuria clasped his hands together. "I agree with Squ-chan, he's good at forcing- I mean persuading others into buying whatever we make!"

"THAT ISN'T A GOOD ATTRIBUTE!"

"_I like that handsome guy in the sunglasses! I think they should win!"_

"_They look a bit like you Luss-nee now I think about it…"_

"_Aww, you are too kind Eliza-chan!"_

Fran let out a sigh. "It doesn't really matter who does it in the end. You guys are all pathetic…" he muttered under his breath.

"_What a rude guy! Fran-chan, I hope you aren't going to look up to him as a role model."_

"_,,,"_

"I SHOULD BE PROJECT LEADER SO I CAN PROVE MYSELF TO LORD XANXUS SUGAR!" Levi suddenly yelled, all of the Varia members turning round to glare at him.

"NO!"

"Muu, I should be project manager. At least I know how to deal with money unlike you people."

"_The prince thinks their cheeks look like Mammy's~!"_

"_That sounds perverted Fake prince-sempai…"_

"_Shut it Froggie."_

All the Varia members began to bicker amongst themselves until suddenly Gola Moska stood up, steam blown from one of it's pipes and eyes gleaming red through it's goggles. "I. Am. Project. Manager."

Everyone sat down, backs straight and still. "Y-yes…"

"_YAY! GO STEVIE WONDERS! SQU-CHAN, YOUR BRO ROCKS!"_

"_HE'S NOT MY BROTHER!"_

Meanwhile at the Vongola they too were in a state of trying to decide who would be the project manager. "I THINK THE TENTH WOULD BE THE BEST!" Gokudera yelled.

"N-no Gokudera, I don't want to be project manager…" Tsuna winced at the mere thought of it.

"Ahahaha, why not Tsuna?" Yamamoto asked with a smile. "I think you'd be great!"

"Y-Yamamoto…"

"GO FOR IT TO THE EXTREME!" Ryohei roared, pumping his fists up into the air.

"_HEY! THAT GUY LOOKS LIKE THE TEA GOD! I AGREE WITH HIM INSTANTLY!"_

"I AGREE WITH YOU LOOK ALIKE OF THE TEA GOD!" Elizabeth yelled, mirroring his action.

"_I like that girl! SHE UNDERSTANDS THE IMPORTANCE OF TEA!"_

"Ushi shi shi~ I'll agree with the servant then~!" Bel told them before pointing a knife at Tsuna. "But if we fail, the prince is holding you responsible."

"T-THAT'S UNFAIR!"

"_Hey, captain, don't you think that blonde guy looks hot?"_

"_Ushi shi shi~ the servant has good taste~!"_

"_What are you on about?! It looks boiling in there!"_

"…"

"_Rejection is hard isn't it Fake prince-sempai? But after having experienced it so much…"_

"_Shut up."_

"I-I think boss would do a good job…" Chrome murmured shyly.

"BUWHAHAHAHA! LAMBO-SAN WILL LET TSUNA HAVE A BIG ROLE TODAY!" Lambo laughed.

"So, Tsunayoshi-kun is project manager~!" Byakuran sang, the brunette's eyes widening in fear.

"N-NOOOOOOOO!"

"_Are the project managers used as a sacrifice as some sort or something?"_

"_I-it seems like it…"_

The Vongola members then thought up so product ideas!

"_This commentator is beginning to annoy me…"_

"_TCH, YOU JUST CAN'T HANDLE THEIR EPICNESS!"_

"I think we should make TEA!" Elizabeth shrieked, slamming her hand down on the table.

"B-but tea already exists…" Tsuna told her gently.

"WE CAN STILL SELL IT AS OUR OWN!"

Yamamoto then spoke up. "How about we sell equipment for making sushi? There is always an opening in that market!"

"_VOOOII! That's too obscure a market! IDIOT!"_

"_Luss-nee! Squ-chan's getting to over excited at the sight of another man!"_

"_SQU-CHAN, YOU UNFAITHFUL BASTARD, GET OVER HERE!"_

"Tch, that's stupid," Gokudera scoffed. "WE SHOULD SELL FIGURES OF THE TENTH IN ALL HIS GLORY!"

"N-NO!"

"LAMBO-SAN THINKS WE SHOULD SELL SWEETS!" Lambo yelled. "SWEETS! SWEETS! SWEETS!"

"NO, TEA!"

"SWEETS!"

"TEA!"

"SWEETS!"

"TEA!"

"YOU WANNA GO AT IT?"

"_GO BEAT THAT SWEET LOVER UP! Ah, that cow kid reminds me of Mary actually…"_

"Ushi shi shi~ we should sell crowns," Bel announced. "Everyone will buy them especially if the prince signs them himself."

"_He's an idiot."_

"_He reminds me of you Fake prince-sempai."_

"_Are you trying to say something?"_

Chrome suddenly froze. "Boss, Mukuro-sama is trying to say something!"

Tsuna turned frantically in her direction. "What is it Chrome?"

"He's saying…"

"_Wow. I never knew the Apprentice had such suspense."_

"…Help me."

"Huh?"

An image of the Varia suddenly appeared with Hibari doing a German suplex to Mukuro, Lussuria cheering in the background, Squalo and Gola Moska wrestling, Fran and Mammon playing Go fish-the first winning-whilst Levi lay unconscious in the corner, Kyoko still smiling and sat in her chair with her clipboard.

"…_Wow."_

…

"_Huh? Is this a time skip?"_

"_Oh time skip, you sexy thing you~!"_

"_Rejected once more Fake prince-sempai. For time."_

"_I will END you."_

"_VOOOOIIIII! SHUT UP ALREADY!"_

…

Lord Xanxus Sugar sat in the boardroom, two products being shown to him. "Vongola, what is your product?" he asked, his scars making him seem permanently angry.

"_Haha, that's just like boss!"_

"…_Cute-sempai, you should pick your words more carefully you realize._

"It's a tea-sweet making figurine with a crown signed by a prince that makes sushi."

"_WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?"_

"_I-IT'S BEAUTIFUL!"_

"_Ushi shi shi~ the prince agrees."_

"_IT'S FUCKING STUPID!"_

"Varia, what is yours?" Lord Xanxus Sugar questioned the other group.

"It's a fork with your face on it."

Silence.

"_Boss, would you mind if I bought it?"_

"…" _BOOM!_

"_Take that as a yes Levi."_

"Who made this product?" he then asked in a hushed and dangerous tone. Levi stepped forwards proudly, a smile etched onto his face.

"That would be me Lord Xanxus Sugar."

"You are fired," Lord Xanxus Sugar took out a gun and fired it at Levi, no one batting an eyelid as he was sent flying.

"_Right choice! RIGHT CHOICE!"_

"_I hope that sexy man in the sunglasses wins…"_

"_Ushi shi shi~ the prince wants to see that German suplex again~!"_

"_VOOOII! I'M SWITCHING THE FUCKING CHANNEL!"_

"_AWWWWWWWWWW…"_

**The Decimo Factor**

Xanxus Cowell sat down next to his co-hosts Lussuria Walsh and Elizabeth Osbourne.

"_Wow, that sunglasses guy is everywhere!"_

"_And that tea loving girl! YEEEESSSS!"_

"_A look alike of boss is there too!"_

"_Ah, Levi-sempai. You are still alive…"_

"_DON'T SOUND ANNOYED!"_

"Next contestant," Xanxus Cowell ordered and a blonde man walked onto the stage.

"_Ah! Hot guy!"_

"_Cute-sempai, please choose your words more carefully. I think Bel-sempai just fainted."_

"_WHAT? NOOO! CAAAPPPPTTTAAAAIIINNNNN!"_

"Ushi shi shi~!" he laughed before being followed by a purple haired man, a tonfa wielding man…

"_GERMAN SUPLEX DUO!"_

And a white haired man eating marshmallows. "Hi~!" he sung, waving at the crowd.

"Who might YOU handsome men be?" Lussuria Walsh winked at them.

"_HEY! SUNGLASSES GUY IS CHEATING ON THAT LONGHAIRED GUY FROM EARLIER!"_

"_Mou, I'm ashamed of them! Although they are hot…"_

"_LUSS-NEE! Although I do think that the blonde guy is hot…"_

"_Cute-sempai, you made Fake prince-sempai die again."_

"_NOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

"We are Pineapple-Prefect-Prince-Perfect, PPPP for short," they all said in unison, striking a pose. Xanxus Cowell hit their buzzer.

"Not enough booze," he announced.

"_Hmph. That piece of shit knows what he's doing."_

"_Why are you insulting him then…?"_

"I'll say yes no matter what you sound like," Lussuria Walsh informed them with another wink. "We need hot guys like you around!"

"I'll bite you to death if you keep saying things like that," Hibari hissed, brandishing his tonfas.

"GO AHEAD HONEY!"

"…_I'm scarred for life."_

Elizabeth Osbourne stroked her chin. "Do you guys like tea?"

"_THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION OF THEM ALL!"_

"_LIKE HELL IT IS!"_

"Ushi shi shi~! Tea is the prince's princess," Bel proclaimed.

"Kufufu~" Mukuro laughed. "It's even better than PIIINNNEEEAAAPPPLLLLE~!"

"I will bite to death anyone who doesn't like it," Hibari growled out.

"It goes PERFECTLY with marshamallows~!" Byakuran purred.

"OKAY. TWO YESES. YOU ARE THROUGH TO THE NEXT ROUND PPPP!"

PPPP struck a pose before skipping off stage.

"…_What the hell? They didn't even sing!"_

"_Author-san is making everyone so out of character…"_

"_Out of character? Who? They are all people we don't personally know apart from Squ-chan's brother, right?"_

"…_Right."_

"_I LOVE PPPP! I'M GETTING ALL THEIR ALBUMS! NO ONE WILL STOP ME! MUWHAHAHAHA!"_

"_The prince is changing channels…"_

**WWT: World Wrestling Tea!**

"In corner one we have the unstoppable, Namimori loving, strict prefect that is bound by nothing like the clouds above!" the MC Elizabeth announced.

"_They are getting poetic now aren't they?"_

"_SHUSH! I'M TRYING TO HEAR THE BLOODLUST!"_

"…"

"This…is…"

"_SPARTA!"_

"THE SKYLARK!" the crowd erupted into yells as Skylark,otherwise known as Hibari, raised his fists with a bored expression dressed entirely in a black jumpsuit with red clouds on it.

"_Is he in the Akatsuki?"_

"_Wrong anime Fran–chan~!"_

"And in the other corner we have the man who is part of Kokuyo Gang who is like the mist, unable to be grasped with his quick movement!"

"_They said it wrong."_

"_THE BLOODLUST FRAN! THE BLOODLUST!"_

"_Yes Cute-sempai…"_

"This…is…THE PINEAPPLE!"

"_Ushi shi shi~ initimidating."_

Pineapple, otherwise known as Mukuro, was dressed entirely in striking yellow, a green spiked hat placed on the top of his head. The referee who was one of the famed Cervello's put up their hand. "Three. Two. One. BEGIN FIGHT!"

"_WOOOOOHHHHOOOO!"_

Instantly Skylark grabbed Pineapples, arms wrapping round his waist…

"_Huh?"_

"_What is it Fran-chan?"_

"_I thought I heard people screaming the numbers 1869…"_

"_Oh, okay…"_

Then Skylark lifted his arms up so that his fingers interlocked behind Pineapple's neck before suddenly arching his back and slamming himself backwards, Pineapple crashing painfully into the floor.

"_AH! IT'S A DRAGON SUPLEX!"_

"_Tch, you just made that up…"_

"AH!" the MC exclaimed. "IT'S A DRAGON SUPLEX!"

"_WHAT THE FUCK?"_

"_I was a wrestler once…"_

"_Cute-sempai, your past is getting more and more confusing by the minute."_

The Cervello begun the count for Pineapple being down on the floor, slapping the ground every second that went by before lifting up Skylark's hand. "K.O! SKYLARK WINS!"

"_HEEEEELLLL YYYYEEEEAAAAAHHHH! VICTORY SUPLEX!"_

"_ELIZA-CHAN! STOP IT! PUT LEVI DOWN!"_

"_CROSSWING CHICKENFACE SUPLEX ELIZABETH TEA VERSION GOOOOOOO!"_

"_Ah, the crosswing chickenface suplex is actually real…"_

_CRASH! "RIGHT! SQU-CHAN, YOU ARE NEXT!"_

"_VOOOOOIIIII!"_

"_BEL-CHAN! CHANGE THE CHANNEL QUICKLY! ELIZA-CHAN'S PAST WRESTLER SELF IS AWAKENING!"_

"_O-okay, okay!"_

**LIFEENDERS! (**_**Fran: Author-san, you can't replace East with Life…)**_

"Don't go!" Lussuria cried as Squalo thundered down the stairs. "I can make it work out! Baby, just listen to me!"

"_Wow, that hunk of a man in the sunglasses really is everywhere…"_

Squalo turned to glare at him. "Baby? BABY? You still say that after having an affair with the members of PPPP? HUH?"

"_GOOOOO PPPP! I LOVE YOU! WOOOOOOOOO!"_

"Don't say that!" Lussuria shouted. "Those PPPP members are good guys! They are all loyal to their girlfriends and boyfriends!"

"_Ah, I think I heard people screaming 1869 again…"_

"_It's just your imagination Fran-chan."_

"That's a lie and you know it!" Squalo looked at him with tears in his eyes. "Tell me the truth, who was it? Was it Bel? Hibari? Mukuro, Byakuran? All of them?!"

"_Tch, LIKE HELL I'D LET THEM HAVE PPPP! THEY ARE MIIIINNNNEEE!"_

"_Cute-sempai, Fake prince-sempai can only take so much. He's dead to the world again."_

"_NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

"What about you?!" Lussuria then shrieked. "You and Xanxus, don't think I haven't seen those looks!"

"_YOU TELL 'EM GIRL!"_

"Nothing is between us!" he denied. "He's just a good friend!"

"How GOOD of a friend though?" the man walked after Squalo as he continued to storm out. "Squalo, GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Elizabeth was pushed aside by Squalo as he exited the building, Bel catching her before she fell and glaring at him. "Oi! What do you think you are doing?"

"_That guy is so awesome for sticking up for that girl! PPPP ROCKS!"_

"_Do you have to say that every five seconds Cute-sempai…? And kill Bel-sempai every five seconds?"_

"_NOOOOOOO! DON'T DIE! AGAIN!"_

"What do you think?" Squalo flipped his hair, eyes filled with tears. "Getting away from a slut like him!" he pointed at Lussuria accusingly, Elizabeth gasping.

"How DARE you say that about Luss-nee! Get over here right now!" before she could move, Bel caught her wrist.

"Don't bother. She isn't worth it."

"_VOOOII! That's obviously a man!"_

"…_Squ-chan, I think you need glasses."_

"_I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU!"_

"Squalo! SQUALO!" Lussuria raced after him…

"_They clearly said 'him'!"_

"_Right…"_

"_DON'T TREAT ME LIKE I'M INSANE!"_

Catching his suitcase at the last second. "Squalo, please, just listen to me!"

"No! I won't ever again!" he choked out through his tears, looking him in the eyes. "I'm leaving Lussuria! I can't spend any longer in a place where a child cannot thrive!"

Lussuria stared at him. "A…child?"

"_Oh my god…he isn't…"_

"_SEE! YOU ARE EVEN CALLING THEM A MAN!"_

"_Right…"_

"_STOP THAT!"_

"That's right," Squalo looked them in the eyes. "I'm pregnant."

DUN. DUN. DUN. DUDUDUDUDUN.

"_WHOA. I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING."_

"_Aww, I hope those characters end up together…ARGH!"_

"_What is it?!"_

"_There's…there's…there's…A COCKROACH ON THE TV! KYYYAAAAAAAAAH!"_

"_Don't worry," click. "I got this."_

"_VOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIII!" BOOOOOOOOOM!_

The Varia members all stared at the destroyed TV, electricity sparking every few moments from the pieces that had been thrown across the room. Fran was the first to speak. "Did anyone else feel like the people in the TV were us?"

There was a short silence and everyone looked at each other. And then…

"Nah."

And from then on, the Varia never watched TV when they were all in the same room.

**Discoabc: Happy first year anniversary!**

**Elizabeth: HURRAY! **

**Discoabc: So, since we got to ONE year…anyone feel like doing fanart? To celebrate one year? Like, anything? Even just a drawing of a tea cup? No? Okay :D**

**Elizabeth: Please continue to drink tea people!**

**Fran: You mean read.**

**Elizabeth: No, drink tea.**

**Fran: …You haven't changed over this year have you?**

**Elizabeth: Nope :D**

**Discoabc: No, really, thank you guys! You are so nice too me(= TT^TT)/ I LUUURRRRVVVEEE YYYOOUUU ALLLLLLLLL~!**

**Bel: Ushi shi shi~ they'll be more action in the next year, right?**

**Discoabc: BUT OF COURSE!**

**Lussuria: And more SqualoxLussuria moments, right? ;)**

**Discoabc: BUT OF COURSE! ;)**

**Squalo: VOOOOOOOOOOIIII! LIKE HELL THERE WILL BE!**

**Discoabc promises to have more insanity, more action, more OCs and more TEA in this year!**

**WHOOOOOOOOOO!**


End file.
